The Ten Count 8.30.13: Top Ten Fictional Wrestlers

Pro wrestling itself is full of great characters. From the serious to the humorous, the industry as produced many memorable and fun competitors. What happens when you need to create a whole new persona for a movie, game, book, or any kind of media that is not actual pro wrestling? Well the short answer is that you create one. Sometimes you get pro wrestlers that are just as memorable as the actual ones. So even though these characters may not exist and are only portrayed, they leave their own mark on people who love pro wrestling. These are the top ten fictional professional wrestlers.

10. Rasslor – Dial ‘M’ for Monkey

If you ever watched Dexter’s Lab as a kid (or adult, cartoons are still awesome,) you might remember sometime the second cartoon was Dial ‘M’ for Monkey, a cartoon featuring a super powered monkey. In one episode, an alien ship crashes on Earth, where Rasslor (voiced by Randy Savage) comes out and challenges everyone to a wrestling match. If he wins, he will destroy the plant. It is up to the Justice Friends to stop him, but it seems like none of them are a match for the intergalactic grappler. Rasslor proceeds to defeat every superhero that Earth has to offer. During the tournament, Monkey tries to fight Rasslor, but he refuses to battle someone that is so small and weak looking. In the end, Rasslor is forced to fight Monkey, and Rasslor proceeds to win…or so you think. No matter how hard Rasslor beats down Monkey, the hero keeps coming back for more. Rasslor admits that Monkey is Earth’s greatest hero, showcasing that heart can go a long way in the pro wrestling industry.

9. Zeus – No Holds Barred

Zeus, played by Tiny Lister, was the main antagonist in the 1989 movie, No Holds Barred. He went up against arguably the most popular wrestler at the time, Hulk Hogan. Zeus was an ex-con who also happens to be the No Count Bar’s top star. He is the perfect fit for the high violence style of the wrestling program created by the film’s main villan, Brell. Even though Brell is the main antagonist, I think everyone remembers Zeus more vividly. At one point, Hogan’s brother decides to check out Zeus at an illegal fight, and foolish decides to tell Zeus he is related to Hogan. Big mistake as Zeus proceeds to beat the living pulp out of him. At this point Hogan takes the match, but is suppose to lose. Of course Hogan wins anyway, Brell dies, and everyone is happy. If you were like me, you wanted Zeus to win, because he was the best part of the film.

8. King – Tekken

In the world of Tekken, there are quite a few stand out characters. King is easily noticeable due to his Cheetah style mask. The man comes from Mexico, where he is a luchadore for the children. Once a street punk himself, he was wounded badly and collapsed on a church step. Since then he has dedicated his life to helping out orphans of the world. How does he do that? By brining his pro wrestling style to the Iron Fist Tournament, of course! With quite a book of techniques, he uses such ones as muscle busters, shining wizards, a double underhook giant swing, and frankensteiners to win bouts. He also loves to chain his maneuvers together to cause massive damage. He also has a parter, Armor King, who helps him out during the tag team Iron Fist tournaments. King is a proud pro wrestler who answers the question, “Who will think of the children?”

7. Bonesaw – Spider-Man

Bonesaw McGraw, played by ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage, was the star of what seemed to be an underground wrestling/fighting club. He would accept any challenger who stepped in the ring with him, offering a $300 dollar prize to anyone who could last three minutes with him. Quite the challenge, as it seems like people could do it, but Bonesaw manages to take down all comers, even sending a few to the emergency room it seems. He does a good job portraying an image of a pro wrestler that I believe non wrestling fans would think of. He’s jacked, arrogant, and not scared to beat up anyone. It is not until the scrawny Peter Parker steps into the ring, defeating Bonesaw with the help of some radioactive super powers. I think it says a lot when the only person who can beat the three minute challenge is one of the most prolific super heroes of all time.

6. Tina Armstrong – Dead or Alive

First off, I need to say I first played Dead or Alive 2 when I was twelve, when it was released on the Dreamcast. I think it is easy to say I took notice of Tina Armstrong right away. Getting past the obvious sex appeal, Armstrong is a great pro wrestler from the video game industry. In the Dead or Alive universe, she is the daughter of Bass Armstrong, the greatest wrestler of all time. She a believer of the ‘American Dream’, wanting to travel to Hollywood and become a famous model. She thinks winning the Dead or Alive tournament will get her noticed, something her father is very much against. Anyone who plays the games know just how awesome her string of wrestling techniques can be, and just how powerful they are too. Tina Armstrong is drop dead gorgeous, strong, and proud.

5. Jimmy King – Ready to Rumble

I like to think that Ready to Rumble is a guilty pleasure for any pro wrestling fan. The main character is Jimmy King, played by Oliver Platt. He really is the embodiment of a main event wrestler back in the mid-90’s. He’s charismatic, over the top, and a bit of a dick. At the beginning of the movie, he is the champion on Monday Night Nitro, and a fan favorite. He would cut a promo relating to his royalty gimmick, rap, and even had a catchphrase in “I will rule you!” The character tried to show the backstage politics of the industry, having him lose the belt and be fired after displeasing the boss. After that, two fans decide to try and get him another title match. It is an underdog story that tries to get us to sympathize with Jimmy King, with a lot of comedy added in. Some of it is successful, some of it is not.

4. Kinnikuman – Kinnikuman (Manga)

Some people might remember the show Ultimate Muscle, an anime featuring a character named Kid Muscle, a cowardly man who wrestles villans. Kinnikuman is his father, and was the main character of the manga series named after him. Although he was not a coward like his son, he was incredibly lazy and was jealous of anyone who received more attention than him. Near the start of the series, he would only battle if there was something in it for him. Beneath the poor attitude was a heart full of courage and honor. Kinnikuman would often get stronger when learning of how shameful his opponents are. Kinnikuman uses a lot of standard wrestling moves such as suplexes and submissions, but he is also a user of the 48 Killer Techniques. One of these is the Kinnikuman Buster, which some might find is similar to the Muscle Buster used by Samoa Joe. Kinnikuman is a great character, and is the hero of the best (and maybe only) pro wrestling manga comic.

3. Randy “The Ram” Robinson – The Wrestler

Out of all the wrestlers on this list, Randy Robinson’s story is easily the saddest. His character is obviously taken from some of the less fortunate famous wrestlers from the 80’s and 90’s. Less fortunate meaning the ones who have dealt with both health and financial problems. It starts with a normal day, Randy doing a small time independent show to make some money, but then escalates to show just how his profession has dragged his life down. He has no close friends, his daughter hates him, and his health takes a dire turn. Even after an attempt to better his life, in the end, he takes one final leap, where the audience is left to guess what truly happens. So why is this wrestler so high on the list? The character is just so real. How many times have you heard these kind of things come from the pro wrestlers we know and love today? As a kid, I saw these guys as my heroes. I think Randy “The Ram” Robinson is a great reminder of just how fragile the human body and spirit really really is.

2. Zangief – Street Fighter

Also known as the “Red Cyclone”, Zangief is not the first wrestler in video games, but he was the first to become widely known and popular. The Russian was introduced in Street Fighter II, back in 1991. He pretty much introduced the idea of a grappler character into the video game fighting genre. Even though he has a pro wrestling style, he has never competed in an actual wrestling match. Instead he prefers to wrestle bears out in the wild. Of course, he is widely known for his spinning piledriver, which is uses on anyone he can get his gigantic hands on. There is no footage of him piledriving a bear, but I’m sure he has done it. What we do have footage of is of him and Mikhail Gorbachev dancing during the arcade ending of Street Fighter II, making him a proud patriot of his home country of Russia. He also has some sweet chest hair, which he is not scared to show off. In fact he happens to wear the least amount of clothing of the Street Fighter cast.

1. Mike Haggar – Final Fight

Loving father, great politician, and piledriver of anything that stands in his way. Haggar debuted in Final Fight back in 1989, where he and his friends protected his beloved Metro City while saving his daughter. He also happens to be mayor of Metro City. Huh, a pro wrestler turning political. Maybe Jesse Ventura was an arcade fan back in the late 80’s. Anyway, Haggar also loves to piledriver animals, supervillians, and the world eater: Galactus. Please be aware that the following picture is 100% physically accurate.

When he is not busy in office, he is usually in the ring of the Capcom Wrestling Association, winning title belts and pleasing the fans. Currently, he is on the Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 roster, where he fights alongside the heroes and villans of both video games and comic books. Besides the piledriver, he also uses a backdrop, spinning lariat, and super spinning piledriver to win matches. Some would say his use of a metal pipe is an illegal tactic, but if HHH is using a sledgehammer, then I think Haggar should be forgiven. He is just doing what is best for the city, after all.

Ah yes, these characters are great in the own aspects, and there a few I’m sure people remember that I left off the list. These would include the Revolting Blob from Billy Madison, Raiden from King of Fighters, and Julia Chang from Tekken, when she donned a mask and renamed herself Jaycee. On that note, I must say that The Ten Count is going to be taking a hiatus for a while. Lately the claws of life have been digging deeper and deeper into my flesh, and I feel that I must try to rest for a bit. I know some of you might ask how this is stressful, but it is to me. I just do not seem to have enough time to really sit down a produce something I am proud of. I will still post to the site, as I continue to cover both Traditional Championship Wrestling and Beyond Wrestling’s All Killer posts on Youtube. I hope to return soon, and thanks for the support. Support Pro Wrestling!

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