Cheap Wrestling For Cheap People 11.03.05: Working Together
Posted by Ryan Byers on 11.03.2005
A lesson you learned in third grade comes back to haunt you today.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People. I hope that you all had a happy and safe Halloween. For those of you who had to take your kids out trick-or-treating as opposed to watching Raw, consider yourselves lucky. By the end of that one, I was ready to throw a sheet over my head and hit the streets to beg for candy. Yes, the indignity suffered by being a grown man trick-or-treating would have been less than the indignity suffered by being a wrestling fan watching that particular show.
Of course, my job isn't to recap Raw. My job is to save you money . . . so let's get right to that.
Cheap Wrestling Tip #24: Work with Your Seller
When buying things over the internet, a lot of folks seem to forget that the transaction involves two individuals – the buy and the seller. In the detached world of the web, it's easy to forget that there's another human being on the other side of the computer monitor, hiding behind some user name consisting of far too many numbers and far too few vowels. However, there is a person present, and it's been my experience that most of these people are reasonable. That's why I'm encouraging frugal wrestling fans to work with their sellers in an effort to save a few additional dollars.
Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not talking about haggling. If you do that, most of the time you'll just get laughed at. If you do it after winning an online auction, chances are you'll get reported to the relevant authorities. However, there are several situations in which, if you make reasonable requests of potential sellers, they will comply and wind up saving you a few dollars in the process.
I suppose that the best way to explain the concept is by example. Just a few weeks ago, I was digging around on eBay (as I often do) and came across a particular seller who had auctions of wrestling footage ending on each particular day that week. I was only interested in two of the items, one ending on Monday and one ending on the following Saturday. My goal was to save a few dollars on shipping. Obviously, I didn't want to win the Monday auction and then not pay until the Saturday auction had ended, as this could easily make the seller think that I'm a deadbeat bidder. (Not be confused with a deadbeat father.) So, what did I do? I shot the seller an e-mail, explaining the situation. I asked if it would be OK if I withheld payment until the close of the Saturday auction. I further asked whether, in the event that I won both auctions, the seller would be willing to combine shipping fees. He responded in the affirmative to both questions.
Thus, as a result of a little extra legwork and a couple of reasonable inquiries to my seller, I was able to save a few dollars on a few wrestling tapes. What did I pick up on that transaction? Here goes . . .
Title: Raven's Rules Released By: 3PW Release Year: 2003 Run Time: 150 Minutes Found At: eBay Price: $9 (including shipping)
If you had asked me when ECW folded which one of its alumni would start booking his own promotion and have a fairly successful run at it, I never would have guessed the Blue Meanie would be that guy. However, five years later, here we are. Meanie (with some backing from porn star girlfriend Jasmine St. Claire) started running Pro Pain Pro Wrestling in 2002 and continued doing so until earlier this year. During that time, Meanie and co. managed to run numerous shows on the east coast, with tapes being distributed through SmartMark Video and a few DVDs getting a national release in Suncoast and its related stores.
This 2003 show from the company was held in the good ole' ECW arena and features a unique mix of wrestlers from that company as well as a few independent up and comers. Let's take a look at what Da Blue Guy was able to put together.
Match Numero Uno: CJ O' Doyle vs. Ricky Vega
Both of these folks are indy youngsters who I wasn't able to find much information on . . . let's see if they've got any of what the kids today call "the goods." They trade basic stuff on the mat early, culminating with a standoff. They get absolutely no applause. The two then trade hiptosses before Vega gets a big lariat for a two count. He tries to follow up by sending O' Doyle in to the ropes, but CJ catches his man off guard and takes Vega down with a Fujiwara armbar off of the rebound. Ricky makes the ropes rather quickly and heads to the apron, though he is soon slingshotted back in. O' Doyle then goes for the ten punches in the corner, but he's cut off and taken down with a spin wheel kick. A vertical suplex and follows for Vega, but a swandive headbutt misses. O' Doyle uses this opportunity to get in an inverted DDT, which sets up a top rope legdrop for a two count. Seconds later, a lariat puts Vega down for the full three seconds. The match ran 6:45.
Match Thoughts: These two did something that far too young indy workers do these days – they kept it SIMPLE. Far too many times I've seen guys with similar levels of experience try overly complicated moves or sequences that they're just not ready for. This generally results in both wrestlers looking horrid and sometimes goes as far as somebody getting hurt. However, these guys stuck to the basics, and, while that won't generate the most exciting matches, nobody's neck will be broken. There's something to be said for that. *1/4
Match Numero Dos: Monsta Mack vs. Roadkill
It's the battle of the men who were abandoned by their more talented tag team partners! Just what I've always wanted to see. Mack goes to the eyes to start and then slaps on a headlock. After a series of shoulderblocks fails to knock either man down, Mack gets in a high powerslam and a kneelift. He then goes for a lariat, but, given that the shoulderblocks didn't work, I don't know that those will have much effect either. Mack then charges at his opponent but gets caught in a Dirt Road Slam and rolls out of the ring. As the two men brawl, the most exciting part of the show thusfar takes place: We get a shot of an incredibly drunk Hat Guy in the audience! Unfortunately for HG, he almost gets taken out when Roadkill hits an avalanche that sends Monsta Mack back first in to the guardrail. A big splash from the apron is then attempted, but Mack moves, forcing Roadkill to collide with the steel. Double M then gets a double sledge from the apron and sends his man back in to the ring for that flipping avalanche that all of the fat indy guys are doing these days.
The former Hit Squad member follows up by tearing at his opponent's face before hitting a unique move that looks like a jawbreaker, except the impact is applied to the back of the head. Rabbit punches are illegal for a reason, ya know. After that, Mack heads up to the top rope and looks for a frog splash, but all he finds is an empty canvas. The Angry Amish Chicken Plucker takes over with a Vader Bomb, thought he announcers go to great lengths to call it anything but that. The former ECW Tag Champ follows it up with a clothesline from the second rope, but then he makes the cardinal mistake of avalanching the referee. With the official down, Monsta Mack pulls a chain out of his boot. He misses his first shot with it, at which point Roadkill hits a TKO for the visionary pinfall. When he realizes there's nobody to count and tries to follow up with a backdrop suplex, Mack pops him with the chain and gets a three count at 7:33. Match Thoughts: If you're a fan of the avalanche, this is the match for you. If not, you're still going to see some decent superheavyweight action. Roadkill and Mack are always good for that, as they're willing to go out and take the big bumps that most folks in their weight class will not. Combine that with a relatively small amount of time to work with, and you're going to see some entertaining action without either big man getting gassed. Not a bad way to fill out an undercard. *3/4
Match Numero Tres: Matt Striker vs. Ruckus
WWE Heat enthusiasts will recognize Striker, while Ruckus is a bit more obscure. He's made some waves in the junior heavyweight divisions of Combat Zone Wrestling and even in Big Japan, although he hasn't managed to make a splash in many of the other Northeastern indies. Oh yeah, he's also black, which I normally wouldn't mention . . . except Strike starts off the match by taunting him with some fairly racist "hip hop" gestures. The match proper begins with the old test o' strength, which Ruckus turns in to an armbar takedown for a nearfall. Striker comes back and applies a camel clutch, which Ruckus sells as though it does not hurt in the least. The natural consequence of that is elbowing out, which Ruckus promptly does. He then slaps on a headlock, but Striker weasels out of that and gets in a back elbow, only to be taken down by a spinning kick shortly thereafter. Ruckus follows up with what can only be described as a springboard version of AJ Styles' Pele kick. Flashy as that is, it's apparently not too effective, as Matt barely sells it and goes to the eyes, following up with the Rude Awakening. He even works in the hip swivel. Striker's copycat gimmick then becomes even more apparent, as he yells out "Repo Man," puts on a mask, and does a spot in which he places the ring bell on Ruckus' crotch and then hits it with a hammer. Of course, that wouldn't hurt at all in the real world, and fortunately Ruckus treats it as such. Striker does get his man down again, though, and looks for the Gran Naniwa rope walk elbow. It misses.
Wait second . . . Rick Rude, Repo Man, and GRAN NANIWA? Talk about deviating from your central theme.
Anyway, Ruckus hits Novacaine seconds after the missed spot and then goes up top. He comes off with what looks like a moonsault, but he adds in an additional rotation at the last second to turn it in to a legdrop. He then misses a handspring elbow, allowing Striker to come back with a Shawn Michaels superkick and a Bret Hart elbowdrop. Unfortunately, he pauses to skywrite "W-C-W," which lets Ruckus snap off a rana. Striker is not deterred, however, coming back quickly thereafter with a neckbreaker and the John Walters/Maven knees to the back. That sets up a Superfly Leap, which allows Striker to take home the victory in 4:29.
Match Thoughts: This was a horrible, horrible clash of styles. Striker was obviously out there to do a comedy match, while Ruckus wanted to do a bunch of flashy highspots. Obviously, these two conceptions of what the match should be do not gel well. It gets even worse when you consider that a.) Striker's comedy wasn't particularly funny and b.) Ruckus' spots were way too much for a sub-five minute match. This is what happens when two guys try to get their individual act over as opposed to working together in order to get the match over. DUD
Prior to the next match, we get an interview segment in which the new commissioner of 3PW will be unveiled. Joey "Don't Call Me Mercury . . . at Least Not Yet" Matthews comes out, under the impression that he's got the position. He does not. Tod "What Purpose Do I Have Left in the Business? Oh Right, None" Gordon is out next, and he is also not the new figurehead. Jack "See Tod Gordon's Nickname" Victory then appears, and he lets us all know that he's the bodyguard of the new commish. Who is it? RAVEN, hence the title of the DVD. Scotty the Body is out, and, after Matthews mouths off, the commish books our next match.
Match Numero Cuatro: Joey Matthews vs. Low Ki
Matthews does a great job of selling his fear of Low Ki to start, though the two men lock up before it turns in to lame, Zbyszko-style stalling. A pair of lockups both result in stalemates, and then Matthews bails after just one kick from Ki. It's back to the lockup after that, and the two men go all over the ring with the hold before somehow sliding out under the bottom rope and remaining tied up on the arena floor. The referee breaks that up and sends them back in to the ring, where Low Ki winds up in the rear mount after a knuckle lock. Matthews is smart enough to cover up before any strikes can be executed, and then he rolls out of the mount at applies a hammerlock. Low Ki is quickly out of that, and then we go to a test of strength. Ki forces Joey down in to a bridge . . . and then he kicks him in the stomach so that the bridge falls down! Not surprisingly, Matthews rolls out and regroups after that one.
When he comes back, Matthews scores with a single leg and goes behind his man, but Ki manages to get out of that and in to the mounted position before applying a top wristlock. Matthews reverses in to la magistral, but that only gets a two count, as the former ROH Champion turns it in to a headlock. Matthews counters yet again, this time with the top wristlock, shoving Low Ki down in to the bridge. When Ki gets back to his feet, he slaps on a headlock, but Matthews gets out of it by simply stomping on his opponent's foot. Matthews gets a shoulderblock after that, but he can't follow up, leading to Ki picking the leg and grapevining it. The future Mr. Mercury makes the ropes, although he is hit with the Mongolian chops when he attempts to lock up with Low Ki again. After another brief respite floor, Matthews comes back with a headlock and a few hiptosses before hitting a big boot on his opponent. At this point, Joey looks to toss his man out of the ring, but Ki prevents that by grabbing the ropes and hitting his man with a modified version of the 619.
A snap mare and an elbow drop are next for Ki, though Matthews uses the referee to block an attempt at the Tidal Crush. That same moves allows Matthews to get in the Rude Awakening on a distracted Low Ki, which he follows up on with a big chinlock. Ki uses his big kicks to escape that one, and then he flips out of a suplex attempted by the future MNMer. He follows up with a low dropkick and looks for his springboard enzuguri, but Matthews prevents that from happening by sticking his knee in the path of Ki's groin. As you would imagine, that allows Matthews to take the advantage again, this time unloading with a series of kneedrops before stretching out his opponent a little bit more. Joey eventually lets up on the hold and hits a clothesline, but he allows himself to get distracted and eats a Liger-esque somersault kick from Ki as a result. The Kawada chops are next from the Zero-One regular, and then he finally gets to hit his springboard enzuguri. A series of kicks to the chest follows, but Matthews dodges the last of the set and rolls out of the ring.
Ki looks to follow his opponent to the outside, but Matthews outsmarts him and snaps his neck over the top rope before coming off of that very same rope with a clothesline for a nearfall. His offense is short lived, however, as Ki knees out of an attempt at a suplex and then locks on the Dragon Clutch in the ropes. After that is broken by the referee, Low Ki botches a powerbomb pretty badly, though it still manages to get a two count. The bald man then looks for the Ki Crusher, but Matthews blocks it, only to get kicked a few more times. Eventually Ki gets shoved in to the corner, but he blocks an inverted DDT from Matthews with a SWEET kick to Joey's head. The Tidal Crush is up next, and it connects this time. That sets up the Dragon Clutch in the middle of the ring, but Matthews gouges the referee's eyes to prevent him from seeing the tap out. Joey then FOULS~! his opponent and hits the Eye of the Hurricane, which only gets two since Ki is all over the ropes during the pin attempt. Matthews tries to follow with his own version of the Dragon Clutch, but Ki does a forward roll out of that and gets his own version of the move in the center of the ring. Joey taps at 21:14.
Match Thoughts: A lot of the time I wind up not liking Low Ki matches all that much because they're all about Low Ki. He just seems to want to come in, get his kicks (or, more recently, double stomps) over, and leave. It's fun to watch once in a while but gets annoying if you're on a steady diet of the guy. However, in this particular instance, Matthews managed to reign in this obnoxious tendency of Ki PERFECTLY. He did so by not going head to head with Low Ki in the traditional fast paced junior heavyweight style. Instead, Matthews played a heel character right out of Memphis in the 1980's, stalling and making sure that the flashier babyface never got to open up 110% with his high impact offense. Not only does that strategy prevent Ki from going overboard in the "get myself over" department, but it also makes perfect sense from a kayfabe standpoint. Ki is known as a high impact wrestler who can dismantle opponents with kicks, so Matthews made a conscious effort to slow down the pace, thus making sure that Ki would never be able to control for too long. The rating is lowered a bit because there were a couple of spots in which moves were botched or sloppy, but this was very solid from a psychological standpoint. ***
Match Numero Cinco: Rob Eckos w/ Matt Striker vs. The Blue Meanie
Striker and Eckos are apparently part of a stable that features the aforementioned Joey Matthews as the leader. For this bout, Striker has dressed up as Jimmy Snuka and cuts a pre-match promo in which he does a Superfly impression. When the match gets underway, Eckows and Meanie trade standing switches, and Meanie eventually gets the upper hand by avalanching his opponent and dropping an elbow. A headlock is next for Da Blue Guy, and then he attempts to whip Eckos off of the ropes, only to have Striker stop his opponent's running. Matt and Rob confer on the outside, and Striker pulls out a couple of masks, indicating that he wants to try out the old Killer Bees gimmick. Though Eckos does wind up being masked, he's clearly disgusted and tries to get back to the match, eventually being slingshotted back in to the ring and caught with a corner clothesline from Meanie. At that point, Striker pulls Eckos out of the ring and switches places with him, playing dead. Neither the Meanie nor the referee buy it since Eckos and Striker are clearly wearing different outfits. However, as Bluey stares at the prone Striker, Eckos does manage to sneak up on him and hit a neckbreaker for two. Rob then attempts a back body drop, but Meanie dodges it and tries a backslide for two. The ten punch spot is next from the bookerman, and Meanie tries to follow up by whipping his opponent in to the turnbuckles. Striker blocks his partner from hitting the corner, however, and he's quickly kicked by Meanie.
In one of those wacky moments in which the laws of physics do not apply to wrestling, the kick causes Striker to fall in to the ring instead of off the apron. This allows Meanie to drop toe hold Eckos in to Striker's crotch, much to the delight of all the ten year old boys and drunken Hat Guys in the audience. Eckos rallies, however, coming back with a variant on the STO. He tries to follow up with a cross body block, but Meanie catches him and hits a front slam. At this point Striker recovers from the headbutt to his groin and tries to go after Meanie, but JBL's bitch turns Striker's Killer Bee mask around, blinding him. Of course, this causes Striker to mistakenly attack Eckos, hitting him with a Stunner that sets up a Meanie DDT for the pinfall at 5:39. I'm not sure why exactly the stunner didn't lead to Meanie being DQ'ed, but I guess that's why I don't have my referee's license.
After the match, Eckos and Striker lay out Meanie with the Hart Attack and a SuperStrikerFly splash, but Raven cuts off their celebration. He makes sure to inform everybody that he "invented the Blue Meanie" and then books Striker in a match against Jimmy Snuka at the next 3PW show. Sorry to those of you who want me to review it, but I'm not rushing out to buy that DVD.
Match Thoughts: This was just an attempt to get more of Striker's comedy on the card, as though we didn't get enough of that the first time around. (However, I will admit that his Killer Bee bit was probably the funniest of the lot.) There was nothing of note aside from the desperate attempts at humor. DUD
Prior to the next match, Tod Gordon comes out with porn star Jasmin St. Claire, who was hooking up with Meanie behind the scenes and apparently hooking up with Gordon in the storylines. The crowd chants "Show your tits!" so Tod unbuttons his Hawaiian shirt and flashes everybody. Jasmine (who looks so fake that I don't know how anybody could find her attractive) has a gift for Tod, and it's another half naked woman, although this one has a head shaped like a cash register. Apparently the girl's mother is dying from some horrible illness, leaving her with a need to pay some pretty steep medical bills. As a result, Jasmine has hired her to be Tod's new sex slave. You know, I think that prostitution is illegal in Pennsylvania. Even if it's not, lame wrestling angles plucked from Vince Russo's wastebasket should be.
Match Numero Seis: Gary Wolfe w/ Vixen vs. Damian Adams
If, by some incredible chance, Rhino ever finds this review, I want him to hunt down and watch this match. Why? Because Wolfe looks EXACTLY like my mental picture of what Mr. Gerin will look like in twenty years. It's eerie.
Anyway, Wolfe ambushes the youngster to start, but he misses an avalanche and gets nailed by a dropkick. However, he's back in and dominating quicker than you can say "complete, abject squash." Adams takes a spill out to the floor when Vixen pulls down the top rope, and then the Pitbull throws a couple of chairs in to Damian's face. For the son of the devil, this guy sure is weak. Anyway, Adams is cut open, and Wolfe hits a vertical suplex in the ring before going to a chinlock. When Damian manages to get out, he lands a cross body block that would make Ric Flair's version of the move look flawless, only to be taken down by a clothesline seconds later. A powerbomb is next for Gary, and that should finish the match, but he pulls his man up before the three count can be logged. A second, more arrogant cover allows Adams to catch Wolfe in a crucifix and win the match in 4:02.
How is Mr. Adams awarded? By being hung with a chain. I would've just eaten the loss, myself.
Match Thoughts: Yeah, there's not much to say in this one. I was never a huge fan of the Pitbulls, and time has not been kind to their only surviving member. He looked like he was just going through the motions, and Adams wasn't even given the opportunity to make the match look better. DUD
Match Numero Siete: Homicide vs. Xavier
These two face the very difficult task of getting me back in to this show after the last two rather weak matches. Homicide goes on the offensive first with some relatively basic maneuvers, but Xavier comes back quickly, knocking his opponent to the floor and then following him out with a pescada. Unfortunately, 'Cide is not in the mood to sell tonight, and Xavier finds himself whipped in to the guardrail as a result. We then go back in to the ring where the two men trade chops, after which Homicide is sent in to the turnbuckles. Xavier follows up with a suplex, but his advantage does not last long, as the Notorious 187 comes back with a dropkick and a Yakuza kick in the corner. He then comes off of the ropes, but the X-Man catches him with a powerslam and then unloads with his trademark knees in the corner. He misses a springboard kneedrop, however, which allows Homicide to hit another Yakuza kick. Both men wind up on the apron after that, resulting in a unique spot in which Homicide slingshots Xavier from the apron in to the ringpost. 'Cide then hits his flipping tope, which manages to slam Xavier's body down on to a chair at ringside.
However, when the two are reentering the ring, Xavier catches his man with a neck snap over the top rope and then comes off of the top rope with a clothesline for two. The former ROH Champ then looks for a pumphandle slam, but Homicide pulls out, only to get caught up in Divorce Court seconds later. Xavier goes to work on the arm after that, torking it on the ropes and hitting the hammerlock bodyslam. There's a painful looking yet safe move that we don't see nearly enough of these days. X then lands a series of knees before snapping his opponent's arm over the top rope. He follows up with a springboard kneedrop to the damaged limb, which looked particularly painful. We then get a submission attempt via the cross armbreaker, but Homicide makes the ropes. One of my pet peeves is people spending too much time in that hold without selling it, and that's exactly what happened here.
Xavier isn't done with submissions yet, though, so he slaps on perhaps the worst crossface performed by somebody not named Sid. Homicide again gets a rope break, and then his arm is damn near broken over the top turnbuckle. Now it's time for the cross face chicken wing, which seems really out of place coming from Xavier. Before he can really cinch it in, though, Homicide shoves him off and sends him in to the corner. Xavier tries to make lemons in to lemonade by going up for a tornado DDT, but 'Cide blocks that and hits an inverted atomic drop, followed up by the more conventional atomic drop. A lariat is next for the Strong Style Thug, and that sets up the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza. Homicide doesn't bride, though, instead opting to hit a t-bone suplex and then a piledriver for a two count. He then looks for the Cop Killer (Vertebreaker), but X flips up over Homicide's head and gets a version of the Tomakaze. Xavier then heads back up to the top rope, but he misses his vaunted 450 splash. He manages to duck a lariat, though, and after that he rolls Homicide up for the win in 14:13.
Match Thoughts: Generally speaking, I like both of these guys, particularly Homicide. It seemed like they were having an off night in this particular match, though. First of all, I thought that there was far too much high impact offense in the opening minutes of the match, all of which wound up not being sold when it was hit and not playing in to the later stages of the match at all. Eventually things did settle down with Xavier working over the arm, which makes sense because it takes away several of Homicide's patented moves, including the Cop Killer, the lariat, and, to a lesser extent, the Ace Crusher. However, by the time they slowed things down and got to the more psychology heavy segment of the match, I was a bit worn out because almost all of the bout's high impact moves had been utilized. Then, to top it all off, the limited arm story that was told didn't get paid off in the finish in any appreciable way. There were a few impressive looking spots that bump this one up to *3/4, but overall it was one of those spotty indy matches that veteran wrestlers and fans are constantly complaining about these days.
Match Numero Ocho: Raven w/ Jack Victory vs. Sabu w/ Tod Gordon & Jasmin St. Claire vs. The Sandman in a TLC Match for the vacant 3PW Heavyweight Championship
Before the match proper gets underway, it's time for the HARDCORE COMEDY HOUR~! Commissioner Raven starts off by threatening to disqualify anybody whose music plays for more than forty-five seconds, cutting off the Sandman's traditionally long entrance. Oh yeah, smoking and drinking are also banned tonight. After that he hits the Evenflow on Jasmin for no apparent reason, and it's really funny watching her attempt to keep her legs together as she sells the move. I'm amazed that she did such a good job given that it's probably the first time she's attempted to do such a thing. (And I'm not talking about taking a bump . . . ) The three men then take turns trying to revive her with CPR, which is apparently an effective treatment for head trauma in the wacky world of wrestling.
We get a three way lockup spot to start, which looks like the world's smallest rugby scrum. A three way headlock is next, and that results in Raven using Sabu as a battering ram and running down Sandman. You know things aren't going to end well when the wrestlers are stealing moves from the Bushwackers thirty seconds in. All three guys take turns punching each other, and then they go to another three way headlock before Sandman slips out of it and starts kicking people. Eventually Raven and Sandy wind up on the outside, and Sabu comes off of the top rope with a very dainty looking plancha. He then throws some chairs at Sandman and puts him in the camel clutch on the inside, following up with an Arabian facebuster. Raven breaks up the ensuing pinfall, but he's low blowed by the Sandman . . . and so is Sabu, for that matter. He then sets up a chair in center ring, but Raven drop toe holds him down on to the furniture, which Sabu follows up with another facebuster. Raven then gets his own version of that same move. Sabu, perhaps infuriated with the gimmick infringement, slams the commissioner and looks for the triple jump moonsault. Raven has it well scouted, though, and he trips up the Sheik's nephew before the move hits.
The Sandman is back up by this point, and he whips Sabu in to Raven before catching both men in the corner with a hipblock off of a chair. He then grabs a full can of beer from ringside and smashes it against Raven's head. Ouch. After that, the three men take turns vertical suplexing each other, and Sabu comes out on top of that sequence. He then places Raven on a table, which promptly collapses under Mr. Levy's weight. The crowd is pissed, so Sabu tries to prop the table up in the corner to salvage the spot. Unfortunately, when he does that, it splits perfectly across the middle, perhaps revealing that it was gimmicked. The fans are even more angry at this point, but Sabu goes ahead with the planned spot and springboards off of a chair, hitting Air Sabu on Raven, who by this point as had to lay unconscious for a minute straight thanks to the damage inflicted by one vertical suplex. Sabu then turns his attention to the Sandman, who he legdrops through a table that was set up on the outside of the ring. That gets a two count, which means that a.) unlike traditional TLC matches, this one can end by pinfall and b.) falls count anywhere. Neither fact had been established prior to this point.
With this match rapidly falling apart, Raven gets back in to the ring and throws a chair at the Sandman before setting up and climbing a ladder. However, once he makes it to the top, he realizes that he's afraid of heights and has to call Jack Victory in to assist in getting him down. Okay, that was funny. The delay allows Sabu to make a comeback, though, and he throws the ladder at Raven before dropkicking it in to Sandman. Then, with his opponents distracted, Raven grabs the ladder and rips off the Terry Funk helicopter. Note to all professional wrestlers everywhere: NOBODY has done that well since Funk originally pulled it out. Chances are you won't be able to either. Sandman finds it easy to come back from the weak ladder shots and gives Raven a drop toe hold down on to a chair, and then the man from the Bowery is squashed by Air Sabu once more. The Human Highlight Reel (ha) then goes after Sandman, suplexing him through the ladder, which sets him up perfectly for Raven's Evenflow. Sabu eats one as well, but both men kick out of the commissioner's ensuing pinfall attempts. Raven goes up to the top rope at this point (which is odd given that he couldn't climb a ladder seconds earlier), and Sabu manages to crotch him. The man from Bombay then places Sandman on a table . . . and the damn thing falls apart AGAIN. Sabu ignores this fact and goes ahead with the planned Arabian facebuster, which looks to finish. However, before it can, Jack Victory pulls Sabu out of the ring and allows Raven to sneak out a pinfall victory over Sandman in 15:50.
Match Thoughts: Yikes. I never much cared for ECW style matches, so I had a feeling that I wasn't going to enjoy the same old shit with eight years of age tacked on to the competitors' bodies. This, however, was a bit worse than I imagine that it would be. I'll admit that part of it was the furniture being uncooperative, which is something that I hate to blame on the wrestlers . . . but it does look bad and thus lowers my opinion of the match. On top of that, the timing here really seemed to be all over the place. The three men were just walking back and forth from spot to spot with no real reason, which I suppose shouldn't be surprising given that the Sandman was probably drunk and that Sabu is Sabu. To top it all off, the wear and tear on the wrestlers' bodies means that they can't pull out their insane highspots with the same reckless abandon that they did back in their heyday. The match didn't excite me, it just made me sad that Sandman and Sabu still have to do this to pay the bills despite the fact that they're really no longer suited for it. -*3/4
Final Thoughts
Number of Matches: 8 Highest Star Rating: *** Lowest Star Rating: -*3/4 Average Star Rating: 3/4*
This seemed like a promising card coming in, as I figured that Matthews/Ki and Homicide/Xavier would be guarantees of quality wrestling. Further, I'd seen Striker in other indies and knew that he could go given the right opponents. The rest of the card looked passable enough and could even be above average if a new of the younger guys I hadn't seen before surprised me. Unfortunately, almost nothing lived up to the expectations that I had. As noted previously, Homicide/Xavier basically fell apart for no good reason. Meanwhile, Striker got thrown in to a comedy gimmick that, though sometimes amusing, didn't allow him to wrestle nearly as well as I can. To top it all off, the main event (which I had no high expectations for going in) was absolutely atrocious and turned what otherwise would have been a passable show in to a real stinker. The only saving grace was the performance of one Joey Matthews, and I somehow doubt that most of my readers will want to go out of their way just to watch him. However, if you can find any of his solo heel work on a stronger card, I strongly encourage watching it.
