The Wrestling News Experience: 11.07.05
Posted by Stephen Randle on 11.07.2005
We used up all the real news last week. But I've got lots of rumours!
Good morning, everyone. I’m Stephen Randle, and I’m writing this on my brother’s computer because I’m nowhere near my apartment. He’s got a crappy keyboard and mouse and I don’t feel comfortable at all. Just thought you might care a little. Also, it explains why this edition is going to be really, really, short. Oh yeah, and the carpal tunnel syndrome from last week’s column. That doesn’t help either.
Taboo Tuesday is in the books, I ordered it for a variety of last-minute reasons, some of which are irrelevant, but I will say that it was an enjoyable PPV that I would recommend you watch. Except it already happened, so wait for the DVD. Because illegal downloading is wrong, and I’ll thank you to ignore the fact that I’m downloading last week’s My Name Is Earl and last night’s Family Guy as you read this. Do as I say, not as I do.
Actually, you probably shouldn’t do as I say, either.
Around The Horn
Rumours are flying this week, since last week was full of real news. That’s how it always seems to happen.
But first, nobody has offered to buy me Smackdown vs Raw 2006 yet. Somebody get on the ball. Surely you concede I deserve it. Plus, my birthday’s coming up.
Anyway, WWE is circulating some statement that Austin missed Taboo Tuesday with a sore back. Likely true, as the man had career-ending spinal surgery and before that, broke his neck in one of the more gruesome wrestling injuries of the time. I’d bet he has a sore back each and every day of his life. Anyway, I’ve said my piece on Austin, so, the story is dead to me.
And Christian has been in talks with TNA, but signed nothing, and speculation is that he’s expecting WWE will panic and offer him a better deal. Which, they probably will. Come on, the blind guy down the street saw that coming.
Speaking of contracts, Chris Benoit’s runs out shortly, and there’s word going around that WWE is lowballing him as they did Christian. Boy, WWE has come a long away from that company where Vince was one of the boys, the locker room was united, and everybody was family. Now, Vince makes millions of dollars in dividends, midcarders get offered crappy contracts, and only Triple H is family.
And JR’s contract to be on TV expires in 2006, and his WWE contract expires next fall. This isn’t a real story, as WWE will never let him go work for TNA, but it was a news item and you read it, didn’t you? Sucker.
No Mercy did a very low buyrate because they forgot to build to any matches and spent more time working on Raw Homecoming. I forget what No Mercy last year did, but I seem to recall it was around that area too, and they didn’t have that excuse. They did, however, have a JBL-Taker main event. That didn’t really have a point, I just felt like mocking the people who thought JBL-Taker II (it was a rematch, lest we forget) would draw after Toronto did the wave for ten minutes during the first match.
Impact had a .9 rating! Raw had a 3.4! Smackdown had…something I didn’t look up! And as the FCC knows, that means 20 billion people watched Raw.
Yes, Family Guy was excellent last night.
Oh, and Bret Hart finally settled his lawsuit with his insurance carrier, who claimed that he didn’t really suffer a career-ending injury. He probably could have settled earlier had he taken the easy route and offered to have Goldberg kick his insurance carrier in the head as a demonstration. But I guess we’re supposed to be “civilized”.
And a final note, I can’t link to them because they aren’t posted yet, but when the Wrestler of the Week award column goes up, check out all the votes for Petey Williams. Well, of course he rocks. He’s Canadian.
Oh, and in that vein, here’s a 411 Public Service Announcement. Before you write hate mail to 411 writers, remember that I am also Canadian, and thus, like Team Canada, have the ability to beat you over the head with a hockey stick whenever I may choose to do so, without punishment. And I can sing the National Anthem in French, just to annoy you.
Hey, it’s in our Constitution.
One Year Ago This Experience
Originally posted 11.08.04, and it was Cut Day! And despite my jokes, Val Venis not only survived, he survived a second round of cuts six months later, and is actually in a tag team with Viscera getting a minor push. Well, screen time on Raw, anyway.
But as there were goings, there were also comings. Notably, Simon Dean made his debut on his way to becoming a huge jobber. Also, a couple guys burst onto the scene looking to make an impact. And we had no idea how much of an impact they would have. Well, okay, most of us guessed, but it was funny to watch it happen. That’s right, this week in history, Muhammad Hassan and Khosrov Davari made their Raw debuts. And boy, did that go badly fast.
Oh yeah, and Bush got re-elected. Bra-vo. At least it made Jon Stewart and Seth MacFarlane’s jobs a lot easier.
The Injury Bug Bites
Inactive List as of 10.24.05
- Chris Jericho, out indefinitely (kayfabe, fired)
- Christopher Nowinski, RAW, out indefinitely (post-concussion syndrome)
- Mark Henry, RAW, out indefinitely as of January 2, 2004 (shoulder)
- Rene Dupree, RAW, out six weeks as of September 20
- RVD, SD!, out until January 2006 (knee surgery)
Transactions
- Edge, RAW, working through injury (torn pectoral)
Forgot about the Edge-meister last report. Hey, give me a break, there was a lot of stuff there. Also, Edge didn’t work the tag match at Taboo Tuesday, but Kane, with a possible cracked vertebrae, played face in peril for most of his match. Who’s hardcore?
- Joey Styles, RAW, debuted as temporary Raw play-by-play announcer
For the love of God, keep him around. And I’m not an ECW lemming, I never saw ECW. But Joey, I like. I said it in Fact or Fiction, he brought a real energy, and more importantly, a youthful perspective. Hey, not a bad idea when you’re trying to attract young adults.
- Torrie Wilson, RAW, apparently not fired but inactive indefinitely
Well, I was happy.
Did I mention before now that The Dicks have debuted on Smackdown? Probably, but let’s mock the stupidity again anyway. Hey, didn’t TNA get mocked for having wrestling penises at their inception? And there was that midget division in TNA back then, too. So, WWE is now stealing TNA’s bad ideas? What kind of world do we live in?
Links For Fun and Nonprofit
Cook had Sunday news, and apologizes for his column sucking so much. Oh, just last week’s column. Okay then.
The Vader to my Goldust (because we still remember when one was a heartless ass-kicker and the other was Booker’s hilarious buddy) did Saturday news, and is possibly the nicest person ever to disagree with me.
Asteroid Boy talks about who to blame for Austin walking out, and more importantly, who not to blame.
JP and JT bring teh funny with the Hidden Highlights, and JT has Byte This. JT, it’s not that I’m concerned about you per se, but if you had killed yourself, Larry and I have to fill out forms.
Carapola overcomes the possibilities of his last name and is an optimist like me!
And with Rant Wars over, here’s the champion, Bayani Domingo. I remember when he used to write me e-mails after my news reports. Why did you stop, you bastard?
Hey, he works for me now, I can call him whatever I want, and he has to like it.
The Gab Bag
BT will miss Christian, and Torrie (well, good thing she’s not going anywhere…sigh…), and in agreement with him, I shall add him to the list of screw-ups by WWE that I will never let them forget. I should publish that list some time.
Nathan Pacheco sucked up for just long enough to get me to print his entire e-mail. Also, I needed to fill space.
First off I want to say you’re my favorite writer at 411 and because of you I’m a loyal 411er (?) This is my first time writing you, why? Because I have sat in silence too long! The current state of the WWE is horrible! And I would like to know if you share my thoughts.
They have been messing up for awhile but as of late I don’t even care to watch anymore Raw. Why? Creative can’t remember their own damn storylines, the matches are few and far between, and nothing entertaining even happens anymore. If the WWE was anything like what they say, they would spit in the face of what the WWE is now.
Okay issue number 1. Kane pledged to make Edge and Lita’s life a living hell. On the night of his return, what happens? No mention of it at all! Here is an easy way for things to go down! During the match instead of having JBL’s music hit, have Kane’s hit, he can chase Lita for a bit distracting Edge, and Show wins. Same outcome and you have some (GASP!) continuity! Then Kane can catch up with Lita saying that she is going to get of easy tonight seeing as he has he sights set on bigger things. During the Battle royal have it come down to Masters and Edge with Kane, THEN have JBL come in and cost Edge, then you have a reason to throw in Masters into the SD! Vs RAW match. GOD!
Issue number 2. Taboo Tuesday is a joke with its choices. Why? They leave basically one option, or options that don’t matter. Let’s start with the main event shall we? HBK is going to win and WWE wants him too. In the triple threat Shawn wins, the next Raw Kane and Show squash a team without showing any tension between the two and HBK is shown standing above Cena and Kurt. Is creative really that scared we might choose someone else? Wouldn’t Kane and Show run in on HBK to show the fans their better?
Ric asking for the cage? Come on! WWE is getting a star to plead with the fans to make his wish come true. With those with love for Flair, they’ll give it to him! However to me this makes sense.
I’m with you on the whole SD! Vs RAW thing. It shouldn’t happen. Not after so long it took to give each an identity. However with the new surge with Smackdown! And them producing an amazing product as a result, then I’m all for this.
The choices for the Austin/ Coach match now the Batista/ Coach Match are jokes! Who is going to pay money to see a debate? Seriously! Vince I know you read this, I hate you! And as for Austin backing out cause a midcard (that’s being nice) is going to cost him the match, I don’t know why the WWE even bothers anymore. AS for Vader and Goldust returning, I didn’t care about them before, and I don’t care about them now!
The three faces of Foley, although nice really doesn’t impact the match. IF we got to pick that AND the stip like Hell in a Cell, a Hardcore match, or a Hair vs Hair match... then I might care! The matches play off Foley’s history and I would love either to get a hair cut!
The Diva battle is the only vote that goes the long way, but like mentioned why does the WWE bother with the whole sex appeal thing, when we can order playboy and such! The legend and Eugene now taking on Conway and added Tomko really has no build. As to why they threw in Tomko, yeah got me. All they had to do was on Raw have Conway approach Tomko and say “I have a problem” and hand him some money. GOD!
And finally the Tag division. My lord the tag division is dead on Raw. The have what Cade and Murdoch, the heartthrobs, and Val and Visera (don’t tell me creative forgot about them?) and you know Kane and Show are going to pummel them. Why Vince! OH WHY!
Smackdown is doing better, I too am Canadian so Thursday is my day for smackdown, I love it and I want to take the time to watch them wrestle. It’s a damn shame that Christian, the master of the hidden highlights and the nets golden boy, has decided to quit. How many people have the WWE let go or lost to bad booking. So we lose Austin, Christian, and Torrie and we gain Mark Henry, Vader, and Goldust? IS there no right in the world!
With injures with Kane and Edge Raw is not worth watching. Without Christian smackdown will be a little bit sadder. However if Smackdown keeps producing great US title matches (I enjoyed the last OJ vs Benoit match) giving me a Tag division, pushing Rey Rey, Getting some great JBL promos, having an amazing main event story (One that Batista thrives in. Much like the slow burn of the evolution break with HHH pretending to be his friend, this one is just as good and its where Batista can really shine) and just keep hitting me with that great balance of Sports and Entertainment then I’m a proud smackdown guy.
Hope you enjoyed my rant, keep doing your magic! You rule!
Yes, I do magic. None of that wuss Copperfield illusion garbage either. Fire and special effects and stuff.
Anyway, this allows me to add on to some points, and who am I not to take a shameless opportunity to hear myself speak. Write. Whatever.
As I said, in the end, horrible booking leading up to Taboo Tuesday aside, the PPV itself was good. The only speed bump came when I was discussing with Csonka afterwards, and I said “now let’s see if it all matters by next Tuesday”. That right there, that’s the problem. It was a good PPV, now what? Are they going to build from it, or just move on with something else? Ric Flair beat Triple H by pounding the crap out of him with a chair, a decisive finish if I ever saw one. Will it matter after tonight, or will tonight see Triple H appear, beat the crap out of Flair with a sledgehammer, and here we go again with more of the same? Batista beat the Coach. Okay, but now Batista’s back on Smackdown, where does that leave Coach? I know, it’s Coach, who cares, but it’s a symptom of the bigger problem: what do we do next?
Brad Totman wonders how anyone can like the Mickie James angle. I’ll take “hot women in tight clothing fighting” for $500, Alex. Seriously, though, it’s possibly the only storyline on Raw that’s actually going anywhere, and it’s got Trish, who has pretty much proven that she can make any angle work through sheer force of will and facial expressions. But yeah, it’s mostly because it’s hot women. Although Mickie James? Not that hot.
*knock knock*
Oh, hi, Larry. No, I wasn’t being insulting. She’s a lovely girl, but she doesn’t do it for me. I’m entitled to my opinion, Larry.
Larry, put the axe down and let’s talk about this.
Be right back, folks.
Okay, I distracted him with a “Best of Samoa Joe” DVD, but we’ll have to move fast.
Chuck Betress helps me out in my study of the six-sided ring.
About six-sided rings. I have seen other promotions with six-sided rings (T2P which was Japanese, and was started by Ultimo Dragon and is defunct through a Toryumon show, also started by Dragon. But had four sided ring. Awesome wrestling, might I add. That fed is now called Dragon's Door, but besides the point. And AAA, which is Mexican, and where TNA got the idea for the 6-sided ring. They had a talent trade agreement a while back. And Jarrett made an AAA appearance back in September or August) and I could tell you, six-sided rings are ALWAYS smaller. Hell, I have seen Mixed-Martial Arts matches held in six-sided rings, and they are smaller. that is just the nature of the beast. Four-sided pro-wrestling rings are usually 20x20 feet. Maybe even more. Six sided rings look about 14x14.
Octagons, on the other hand, are HUMONGOUS! They are always much bigger than the 4 or 6 sided rings. Not just in UFC, but other MMA feds as well. Hope that helps.
See, for one-on-one, it’s a fine ring, but when I watched the six-man tag from the Impact before Bound For Glory, I thought it was awfully crowded. And I’ll agree, the MMA octagon is gigantic, especially for one-on-one competition. Hmm…MMA battle royal. It could work. Though it wouldn’t be pretty.
And at least Neil Prettyman answers my questions.
In response to your question "Why is it taboo?", the answer seems very clear to me. This has very quickly shaped up into the one PPV that should be illegal to talk about. Nothing more than that.
Yes, it’s simple but it works. Unfortunately for him, like I said, Taboo Tuesday? Pretty darned good.
And One To Go On
And I really do have to go, because my brother’s a wuss and wants to go to sleep. I say, who needs sleep when you have World of Warcraft? Well, that’d be more relevant once I’m back in my apartment, but you know what I’m talking about.
Martin and Dunn will have Raw coverage tonight, and Larry’s in tomorrow, megalomaniacal power-crazed rantings and all. I’ll be back next week, acts of God permitting. Oh, don’t think He won’t try.
A reminder, Remembrance Day in Canada and Memorial Day in the States is this week, so go hug a vet while you’re out there. Try to make it someone you know, because otherwise there could be misunderstandings.
