Cheap Wrestling For Cheap People 12.08.05: The Holiday Shopping Guide (Part 2)
Posted by Ryan Byers on 12.08.2005
It's dinner with Jimmy Jam, a drink with the Baron, and a movie with Mike Graham.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People. As always, I am your party host Ryan Byers. If you joined us last week, you know that Cheap Wrestling is in the middle of its holiday shopping guide. The concept is simple: Each week, I'm rounding up three items that would make perfect holiday gifts for the wrestling fan in your life. The catch is that I've limited myself to a $30 budget for buying all three items. Last week, we took a look at cheap gifts for the indy wrestling fan. Next week, we'll be examining low prices on lucha related items. This week, however, it's time to find rock bottom prices for fan of wrestling's territorial days.
Item Number One: Jimmy Jam Cost::$5 Available At:: http://www.jimmygarvin.com
It's interesting to see what professional wrestlers do after they retire. Ted DiBiase and Tully Blanchard went in to the ministry. Kamala's a truck driver. Mr. Fuji was supposedly a ticket taker at Memphis movie theater for a couple of years. Jimmy Garvin has them all beat, though. Why? Because he has a website through which he distributes jam. Apparently the recipe has been in his family for years, and you can get eighteen ounces of it for only five dollars. I originally picked some of this stuff of as a gag gift for a friend, just because I thought the concept of wrestlers selling preserves was hilarious. However, after trying it, I can attest to the fact that it is actually damn good jam. If you don't like it, though, that is not my fault. It's not Jimmy's either.
Item Number Two: The Baron Von Raschke Shot Glass Cost::$10 Available At:: http://www.baronvonraschke.com
I'll admit it, the Baron was a little bit before my time as a wrestling fan. And, though I've watched a lot of old school footage, I've really only seem him compete two or three times. Yet, despite those facts, I can't help but love Von Raschke. Now that the threat of Nazi Germany is long gone, there's something about the character that is amusing despite its old school xenophobia. It doesn't help that, by all accounts that I've read, the man behind the Baron character is a damn nice guy. As a result, I strongly suggest throwing some money his way by picking up the Baron Von Raschke Shot Glass for the old school wrestling fan on your holiday gift list. It's a tall one, so there's plenty of room for taking all manner of shots. Plus, it's got a picture of THE CLAW HOLD~! on the side. How could you go wrong with that?
Item Number Three: Mike Graham's The Best of Classic Championship Wrestling Cost::$9.99 Available At:: http://www.highspots.com
When it comes to classic professional wrestling, almost no territory was hotter than Florida. Featuring big stars like Dusty Rhodes, Kevin Sullivan, Lex Luger and featuring stopovers by luminaries such as Bruiser Brody and others, the territory was one that is fondly remembered to this day. In this compilation, 1980's footage from Championship Wrestling from Florida is presented by Mike Graham and now-defunct video-on-demand service the World Wrestling Network. This special was originally broadcast over the internet by the network, and then dumped on to DVD for national distribution. How will the classic footage from Florida hold up, and will Graham and WWN do it justice in its presentation? Those are the questions that I'm here to answer.
Match Numero Uno: The Sheepherders (Luke Williams & Butch Miller) w/ Johnny Ace vs. The Cuban Connection (Fidel Sierra & Ricky Santana)
Before we go to the match, we go to a taped promo by Johnny Ace, who is on a beach and surrounded by beautiful women. I would say that you can obviously see him reading off of the cue cards, but the camera work is so bad you can barely make out anything. Ace is acting as "flag bearer" for the Herders, as they're doing the whole anti-US, pro-New Zealand gimmick that's popular with the kids these days. Santana and Miller lock up to start, and Ricky gets a blow to the gut. Lockup number three sees Miller get in his own fist, and number four leads to Santana punching his man. Call me crazy, but I think these two guys might like punching. Miller then goes to the eyes and Santana responds in kind as the two begin to trade even more punches. Williams is tagged in, and there's more fisticuffs and gouging, but Ricky reverses an Irish whip and chokes his man in the corner. Sierra makes his presence known just as we head to a commercial break. When we come back, all four men are in the ring brawling, and both of the Cubans are bleeding pretty badly, particularly Sierra. Santana and Miller wind up in the ring together, but he quickly tosses the Bushwhacker out. A brawl erupts on the outside, and Johnny Ace uses his flag on the Cubans, but the Connection responds with a chair to draw blood from Butch. Things spill back inside, where Sierra is double teamed by the Headers while Santana commandeers the New Zealanders flag. Before he can actually do anything with it, ref Bill Alfonso calls for the bell and rules the match a no contest.
Match Thoughts: Obviously this one was for the sake of setting up a further feud as opposed to blowing off any pre-existing issue. Unfortunately that leads to there not being too much substance. All of the men who bladed, however, did a GREAT job of it, as the vermillion liquid was flowing everywhere. It definitely served its purpose of making a rematch look exciting, although it's nothing special when viewed in isolation. 3/4*
Up next a music video featuring Dusty Rhodes, and I'm pretty sure that he's on vocals, believe it or not. If it is Big Dust, he's actually not that bad of a country singer. It's only a quick clip, and then we're back to Graham, who tells us that we're going to see a crossover match from when Jim Crockett Promotions headed down to Florida. Sounds good to me.
Match Numero Dos: Terry Funk vs. Mike Rotunda
And there's a promo from the Funk brothers prior to the match, with their differences in personality being highlighted in everything right down to their style of dress. Terry's sporting a poncho of some sort, while Dory (The Florida Heavyweight Champion) has a very sharp looking suit underneath his cowboy hat. Terry handles most of the talking and does a DAMN good job of it, putting the tandem over before mocking Blackjack Mulligan for being a coward, mocking Rotunda for being a pretty boy, and mocking Kevin Sullivan for being a whiner. Oh yes, and Dusty Rhodes is an egg-sucking dog. Awesome promo from Terry.
When we finally go to the ring, Terry is jawing with Bill Alphonso, as he was apparently scheduled to wrestle Tim Horner, only to have a plane delay change his opponent to Captain Mike. Funk's none too happy, but he's got no say in things as Rotunda ducks under a wild swing and responds with a trifecta of bodyslams. Funk bails and does his usual punch drunk selling before getting in to an epic wrestling match with the chaps that he wore out to the ring. Rotunda tosses Funk out of the ring as soon as he can get in, and Terry has another big fight with a curtain at ringside. Rotunda follows his man out and brings him back in, only to toss him yet again. Mike pulls him back in by the hair and Irish whips his man a couple of times, only to get the fourth reversed. Funk opens up on him with some punches in the corner and now he's the one thrown to the floor. Funk follows and continues to lay in the fists before coming right back to the squared circle. Rotunda reverses Funk's momentum and sends the man's head in to the turnbuckle repeatedly, capping it off with an airplane spin. He goes for the pin, but Dory Funk runs in for the save. Before he can do much damage, Kevin Sullivan is out and he chops the hell out of Terry as Rotunda takes it to Dory in the ring, who is now busted open. Funk and Sullivan return to the ringside area after some brawling throughout the arena, and Terry has a toilet seat wrapped around his neck. A four-man brawl continues in the ring, with the faces eventually clearing out their opponents to a nice reaction from the crowd.
Match Thoughts: Once again, an angle building match that didn't feature much of note. C'mon, Graham, throw me a bone here. 3/4*, primarily due to the hilarious sell job that follows Terry Funk everywhere he goes as a heel.
Next we're treated to clips from a six man tag pitting Ron Simmons, Lex Luger, and Kendall Windham against Bruiser Brody, Bad News Allen, and the Cuban Assassin. It's joined with Simmons exploding on the Assassin, which sets up a pier six brawl with everybody involved. Brody, not surprisingly, is the one who dominates as Bad News Allen takes Luger to the outside and absolutely UNLOADS on him with the boots. On the inside, there is a pinfall, but it's an afterthought as Allen and Brody drive a chair down in to Luger's throat on the outside. That sets up . . .
Match Numero Tres: Bad News Allen w/ Sir Oliver Humperdink vs. Lex Luger (c) for the Southern Heavyweight Championship
Luger Pearl Harbors Allen to start, catching him with an Irish whip to the buckles and a jumping kneelift. A back body drop follows, but Allen rolls out of the way of an elbowdrop, allowing him to rain down the forearms. A headbutt and an elbowdrop follow for Bad News, and he chokes his man a little bit as well. Luger's head is then sent in to the buckle, and he's tossed from the ring. Allen grabs a chair and sends the edge in to Luger's back a couple of times, although Alphonso doesn't disqualify anybody. Luger's head is then sent in to the announce table, but Lex grabs a television cable and chokes away before reversing things and sending Allen in to the table. Bad News also meets the security railing, but he throws Luger in to the apron before heading back to the ring. On the inside, Allen takes Luger to the buckle and pounds away some more, with Hump even managing to get in a cheap shot. Luger rallies a bit but gets cut off with an eye gouge, which sets Flexy Lexy up for a bodyslam. A swandive headbutt from Allen misses, however, which really has to be BAD NEWS for him! Hahahahahahaha. Naturally, Luger makes his comeback with the big hiptoss and the shirt ripping and the flexing and the PRETTY LADY! Sorry, got carried away there. Lex punches him coming off of the ropes and gets a back elbow before nailing Hump. An atomic drop follows for the champ, but he charges and gets nothing but buckle. Allen goes for the cover, puts his feet on the ropes, and we have ourselves a new Southern Champion!
Match Thoughts: That was REALLY quick for a match involving a major championship, I must say. Luger was still obviously early in his career here, which might have had something to do with the length. There wasn't a heck of a lot to see here as a result the limited time period. The only real redeeming quality was the stiff blows that Mr. Coage usually brings to the table. *
Match Numero Cuatro: The Ninja vs. Prince Iaukea
This is the Ninja's CWF television debut, which is fairly significant since he would go on to become one of Japan's biggest stars and perhaps the most popular Japanese wrestler to set foot on American soil. Yes, it's the Great Muta. (A point which caused a good deal of debate back in the early days of this column. Also, just for the record, his opponent is not the same guy who used the name "Prince Iaukea" in WCW. If it was, then Mutoh would be wrestling a toddler. That does sound entertaining, but I don't think the wrestling world was ready for it back in the 1980's.
They lockup, and the Prince takes Mutoh back to the ropes and offers a clean beak. Iaukea then tries for a kick, but Ninja gabs his foot and sweeps out the leg. A jumping back kick follows from Mutoh, and they lock up again. Mutoh lands the headlock/shoulderblock combo but runs in to an Iaukea knee, which is followed by a vertical suplex. Prince applies a headlock, but Keiji reverses it in to a hammerlock and then kicks away at the arm. A snap mare sets up an elbowdrop from the future superstar, but he's put in to an armbar. He rolls out of that quickly and gets a dropkick, which causes the Prince to bail. When he comes back in, they lock up again, and the two fight over a hammerlock before Iaukea takes him down with a drop toe hold. He doesn't capitalize, however, and we get another lockup. Prince sends Nina's head to the buckle off of that and slams him to set up a legdrop for two. An armbar variant follows, and he then drops the leg on to the extended limb for one. A kneelift rocks the Ninja, as does a second vertical suplex. The headbutt misses, though, and Mutoh sends him in to the corner before getting the handspring elbow. The Prince heads to the outside . . . PESCADA BY MUTOH! Back on the inside, victory is just a sidebreaker and a moonsault away for the Ninja, who gets a HUGE pop after the match.
Match Thoughts: Another quick one here, but it remained a fairly competitive little match for the time that it was given. You could tell the crowd thought it was seeing something special, as they absolutely lit up for all of Mutoh's flashy moves. That should shoot down just about any theory about foreign wrestlers being unable to get over in America. If this guy can do it in a five minute match held twenty years ago in the South, it's not impossible today. As far as a rating is concerned, the highspots kept it interesting, but ultimately this was just a quasi-squash to put over the newcomer. *1/4
Match Numero Cinco: Harley Race (c) vs. Dusty Rhodes in a lumberjack match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship (Highlights Only)
This one is being shot on film, which is quite bizarre to see many years later. We're joined in progress as Race gets a side salto for two, with Dusty responding via snap mare. Clipping ahead sees Dusty toss Race from the ring, and the lumberjacks gingerly place the champion back on the inside. Once there, an elbowdrop gets two for Dusty, and Harley rolls out of the ring before being placed in once again. Clipping ahead, Rhodes throws Race off of the top rope a la Ric Flair, and another elbowdrop gets a nearfall. Race then misses a splash off of the second rope and Dusty covers, but the champ puts his feet on the ropes at two. Harley then suplexes Dusty, and Rhodes gets in to a brawl with various heel lumberjacks when he rolls to the outside. Back in, the two men exchange open hand chops and Dusty hits a dropkick (huh?) for two, but Race again places his feet on the ropes. Rhodes then drops an elbow on the leg and slaps on the spinning toe hold, but Race escapes. The champ tosses Dusty as we get a ref bump, setting up a piledriver reversal spot on the floor. Big Dust hits one of his own, and the lumberjacks bring Race back in to the ring. The referee goes over to watch this, allowing Erik the Red and Sonny King assault the challenger with an international object. Race comes back around and picks up his three count, ending the match. That film will have to go to the NWA Board of Directors for review! (Not enough of the match was here to rate, if you're curious.)
We then get a locker room promo from Rhodes, which Mike Graham tells us has never before been seen. Excellent mic work from the big man (despite some muddled audio), as he makes it sound as though he's going to kill Sonny King the next time that he sees him . . . oh yeah, and there are words for Race as well. Another excellent Dusty promo, this one in studio with Gordon Solie, follows. Despite all of the political stuff he would go on to pull later in his career, American Dream promos should really be required viewing for anybody who ever hopes to get involved in the wrestling industry. We then go on to hear from Sonny King, Killer Carl Cox, and Wahoo McDaniel, who would be getting the next big shot at Harley Race's championship.
Match Numero Seis: Kendo Nagasaki w/ Sir Oliver Humperdink vs. Kendall Windham in a boxing match (Joined in Progress)
Looking at Kendall during this era, I think that I easily could have picked my teeth with him. Fortunately, the family name keeps him from being treated like too much of a joke. Nagasaki is murdering him as we join the footage, getting in a series of kicks and then a bodyslam, as we're told that this is actually a "full contact martial arts match" in which anything goes despite the wearing of boxing gloves. Windham comes back with some fists, as the announcers explain that the gloves help Kendall out because it eliminates the chopping action that Kendo would normally use in his martial arts blows. A ha. Another flurry from the babyface takes Kendo off of his feet, and the man from Japan lands a few punches but comes out on the short end of the stick as he's taken down by a left cross. Hump makes his presence felt on the apron and gets punched out, but that allows Nagasaki to remove the gloves and beat down his opponent with the aptly named kendo stick. We're joined by Kendall after the match footage is over, and he's not happy. Go figure.
Our next segment isn't a wrestling match, but rather a little something something that was used on CWF television in order to hype the coming of two new folks. Both are football players: One is Dewey Forte, the other is Ron Simmons. They're training with the legendary Hiro Matsuda, doing a bunch of squats and push-ups, which is apparently a special Matsuda variety that looks suspiciously like dry humping the mat. Hiro then forces the boys to stare up at his crotch as they do leg lifts and then sits on Simmons' stomach as he does a back bridge. Dear mother of god that looks painful. Up next, Matsuda HITS THEM IN THE ABS WITH A 2X4! Honestly, I'd much rather take that than the back bridge with a man on my stomach. We then flash forward to another week's training package as the two men run around outside for a bit and then play basketball. Bad 80's chick rock plays in the background. The extensive focus on their training did a lot of good in terms of making these two look like stars of the future.
Up next, we get a recap of a feud between Ron Bass and Barry Windham over the Southern Heavyweight Championship. Bass comes out and joins the CWF announce crew and provides commentary for his initial title victory over Windham, in which he uses an exposed turnbuckle and a lariat to take the win. After that, we go to footage from a rematch, in which the blond is busted open yet rallying against the big cowboy. Bass begs off and gets hit with some "illegal closed fists" (his call), and the punches eventually open him up. The Widowmaker then busts out the outlawed piledriver, but the referee only refuses to count instead of disqualifying him. Bass responds with POWDER TO THE EYES, allowing Windham to get a DQ victory. The title doesn't change hands, but this all builds up to a match in which Bass cannot be disqualified to save his belt. Not a ton of actual wrestling action here, but Ronny boy was hilarious providing his heel commentary over the matches, particularly his explanation of how Barry came to be busted open.
Match Numero Siete: The Roadwarriors (Hawk & Animal) w/ Paul Ellering vs. Harley Race & Stan Hansen (Highlights Only)
Hansen jumps the Warriors in the aisle, and a pier six brawl errupts between all four men. Hansen takes Animal out in to the crowd for a bit, and we clip ahead to Race beating on Hawk in the ring. He telegraphs a back body drop, however, allowing Hawk to come back with a kneelift and a fistdrop for two. They exchange punches with Hawk getting the upper hand, and a press slam follows. Animal comes in and slaps on a headlock briefly before hitting a back elbow for a nearfall. He slaps on the chinlock and switches off to Hawk with no tag . . . and the referee doesn't care for whatever reason. Race shoves Hawk back in to the turnbuckle and no-sells a series of headbutts, and an elbowdrop from Hawk can't do anything. The Roadwarrior goes for a slam, but both men fall to the outside, leading in to another pier sixer. That's a double count out, and that's the end of the match.
Mike Graham wraps us up, promises more to come, and that's it from the Sunshine State.
Final Thoughts
Number of Matches: 7 Highest Star Rating: *1/4 Lowest Star Rating: 3/4* Average Star Rating (ratable matches only): *
No, there aren't any good matches on this one. In fact, I don't think that there's a single match that is shown for over five minutes. However, I still strongly suggest picking this one up. It is a nice compliment to a series like Wrestling Gold because, as much as the WG series focuses on the matches of the past, this compilation focuses more on the angles and the promos of the past. There's some classic mic work on here from Dusty, Terry, and even Ron Bass of all people as well as some fine examples of old school booking that would still work today, such as the Simmons/Forte videos and the build of the Windham/Bass feud. Plus you've even got some good historical stuff like the (supposed) first televised match of Keiji Mutoh and one of the few surviving pre-Turner NWA Title matches. I would highly recommend this DVD, although not for the in-ring goings on.
So that's it. Cheap Wrestling has once again brought you three perfect holiday gifts for wrestling fans, and they've once again cost under $30. As many of you are aware, the end of the holiday shopping season is drawing closer and closer, so it's time to get a move on. In case you're still having problems, I'll be back next week with the third and final installment of our holiday shopping guide. Until then, keep that feedback rollin' in.
