The Tuesday Communique 11.12.13: Fin Pt. 2 of 4

News From Cook’s Corner with Steve Cook
The World’s Most Dangerous Column with Greg De Marco
The Wrestling 5&1: Kaitlyn vs. Maria with Tony Acero
World Wrestling News Report with Aaron Frame
The Thursday Sports Entertainment Report with Jarrod Atkinson
The Side Russian News Sweep with Chris Pilkington
The Professional 3: Jon’s Favorite Survivor Series Team Names with Jon Harder
Smart Marks: Lull In The Action with Dino Zucconi
The Ten Count: Top 10 WCW Moments with Evan Daniels
The Heel Report: Welcome Back with James Wright

IMPORTANT INFORMATION! Part Two of Four of my Tuesday Communique farewell isn’t a part of a true farewell, just leaving Tuesdays. That means, sadly enough, that the RAW coverage will be presented differently and on a bi-weekly basis, so I’ll cover two episodes in a single column. Plus SmackDown, Impact and ROH if I have the time. It will be less frequent but hopefully an overall better read for all. Plus I’m working something out with the big bosses that may end up with y’all seeing me pop up here more often than ever, just in shorter bursts. Something like that. News when it comes!

WWE Monday Night RAW from Manchester, England|| TV Review

Talky Time With Randy Orton
– Orton comes out and declares himself in charge of the show because Trips and Steph hate England.
– Brad Maddox comes out to declare himself in charge, but DOO Kane disagrees.
– But now here’s Vickie. Fun. By the way, Maddox got a big pop from the England crowd.
– Orton stupidly gets himself into a handicap match against Goldust and Cody Rhodes, and it starts NOW!
– Not a very good start for DOO Kane. Overruled by Brad Maddox AND Vickie Guerrero?

Handicap Match: Cody Rhodes & Goldust v. Randy Orton
– JBL makes a reference to “Operation Dumbo Drop” because Big Show couldn’t make it to the show.
– Then the crowd chants “Randy’s boring”. Oh those Englanders.
– Good match between Orton and Goldy, and cody gets the hot tag and kicks ass.
– NICE moonsault press! Double clothesline out of the ring!
– Do a dive Goldy!
– No! Orton takes the countout. Jerk.
– They found a cargo plane for Big Show! And just in the nick of time, too.
– Huge chokeslam through the announce table! Good lord the crowd is going nuts.
– Good first 30 minutes of the show.

Six-Man Tag: Los Matadores & Santino v. The Union Jacks
– Damn it, why do I like Los Matadores? It’s gotta be that damned theme music.
– 3MB should totally make this a full time gimmick change. That would be awesome.
– Nice triple team from UJ ending with a big kick from Drew.
– Drew tries to kill Torito, but a double dive saves him!
– JBL: “We really need a Spanish announce table out here.”
– Cole’s followup: “Our table just acted like one.” Not bad, Cole. Not bad.
– Fine comedy match.

Damien Sandow v. Kofi Kingston
– Anybody willing to bet on Kofi getting the win?
– Didn’t think so.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel v. Dolph Ziggler
– Wait, you mean last week’s match didn’t just get DZ “in the hunt”? CHANGE IS COMING!
– Speaking of betting, anybody willing to bet on Axel?
– Nice leapfrog sequence ending in a running dropkick by Axel.
– Ziggler gets a leapfrog and a far better dropkick as a receipt.
– So is Ziggler back in management’s good graces? Maybe he’ll get a real World Title reign in 2014.
– Oh shit I bought the schoolboy off the catapult.
– Ziggler gets CLOSE near falls from the Fameasser AND a top rope X-Factor. DX IS COMING BACK!
– What the fuck? What a shitty finisher. The crowd didn’t even buy it as a near fall, let alone a three count.
– Look, this was a good match and Axel is a good wrestler, but he’s so friggin’ bland that it almost physically hurts.

It’s handicap city as Maddox makes Cena v. The Real Americans and Kane makes The Shield v. Punk and Bryan. I can dig that shit!

Zack Ryder with an ugly goatee tries to sell us merchandise. That makes me sad.

Tamina Snuka v. Nikki Bella
– Hey, both girls have last names!
– Is that supposed to be some kind of surfboard? Thanks for nothing, Tamina.
– IT’S THE FUCKING 29TH ANNIVERSARY OF WRESTLEMANIA YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!
– Well at least Nikki tried. Not sure what Tamina was doing out there.
– Jesus christ she even missed her damned splash!

The Shield visit Orton backstage and essentially let him know that he can go fuck himself.

Fandango v. Tyson Kidd
– Tyson Kidd acts like a jealous asshole on Total Divas. And he’s supposed to be the face?
– The action starts off fast and furious until Kidd takes a nasty spill to the outside.
– Kidd goes for a running huracanrana off the apron but fucks it up then still tries to rally the crowd behind him. That was uncomfortable.
– Fandango ends up getting the win 15 seconds later.
– So much excitement.

Handicap Match: John Cena v. The Real Americans
– You know Cena’s going to be a giant heel here, especially considering Cesaro is in the other corner.
– WHAT THE FUCK ZEB? Calling Mr. Bean unfunny is the most upsetting thing he’s ever said.
– Nothing happens for a while until ADR wanders out to the ring, theme music and all.
– Hey, Superman showed up tonight!
– I do like Cena’s new neckbreaker, but this match has been more bland than the lovechild of Randy Orton and Curtis Axel.
– Holy cow, though! SWISS DEATH to block a flying shoulderblock!
– HUGE boos from the crowd for Cena blocking the giant swing.
– Why should anybody care about a Del Rio/Cena feud? It’s more bland than the lovechild of Jack Swagger and a match with John Cena on autopilot.
– Cesaro better get the pin on Cena.
– To be fair the new moves Cena has added to his arsenal are pretty awesome.
– SWISS DEATH FOR REAL! ONLY GETS 2!
– This match is thankfully getting better with time.
– Crossbody to Swagger! Clotheslines Cesaro out of the ring! STF gets the tap from Swagger!
– Very nice finishing sequence. Match was okay. Good stuff here and there but a good bit of boring in the middle.
– ADR tries to rip Cena’s arm off by Pillmanizing it with a chair and putting on the cross armbreaker, but BIG E LANGSTON makes the save! BIG E FOR WORLD CHAMP!

Ryback v. R-Truth
– Riveting.

Big E Langston v. Alberto Del Rio
– The graphics for the Survivor Series matches are awesome.
– Nice DDT from Del Rio. Crowd appears to be distracted.
– I think Superman started the wave.
– Big E hits his awesome splash and JBL has a good line: “The splash to go along with the wave!”
– “We are awesome!” chant? Really?
– Big E taps to the cross armbreaker. That’s disappointing. Just like the match.

An arm wrestling contest is announced for SmackDown on Friday between Cena and Del Rio. This feud gets more intriguing by the second!

Paul Heyman Makes His Triumphant Return!
– Heyman says Ryback is a “big, ugly dummy” and the crowd “ooooohs”. Heyman: “Ooooh nothin’!”
– Ryback needs a new gimmick. Possibly one that involves him wrestling in a small building in the midwest somewhere. Yet apparently they’re trying to get Goldberg to come in to take him on at WrestleMania. Oy.
– It appears that Heyman isn’t done with CM Punk and gets all kinds of threatening, but then whimpers like a scared puppy when Punk’s music hits. I love Heyman.
– Well Axel was no help.
– Are we going to get a new Paul Heyman guy tonight!
– Kendo stick for Punk! Punk just laying into Heyman with the stick is awesome. I could watch that every week.

Wait… they’re doing a “RAW Country” next week? I think I’m going to be too sick for the column. Sorry.

Handicap Match: CM Punk & Daniel Bryan v. The Shield
– Not much success for The Shield yet, so they tag in Reigns.
– Doesn’t look like much is about to change, but then a series of kicks from the indy darlings ends with Reigns double clotheslining the shit out of them.
– Of course as soon as that’s over Rollins gets tagged in and Bryan procees the kick the crap out of him, figuratively and quite possibly close to literally.
– The Shield take control during the commercial, but Bryan comes back and sends Rollins SAILING over the top!
– Hot tag Punk! Savage Elbow! Rollins makes the save but Bryan dropkicks him off the top!
– Suicide dive takes out Rollins! Reigns flies in to clothesline Bryan! Punk takes out Reigns with a suicide dive!
– Big kick to Ambrose! He can’t get the GTS! Reigns gets hit instead! Anaconda Vise on Ambrose!
– THE WYATTS ARE IN THE RING!
– The Shield isn’t happy about that and it’s a PIER 6 BRAWL IN MANCHESTER!
– Bray Wyatt takes a shot at Reigns!
– THE SHIELD AND THE WYATT FAMILY FINALLY GO AT IT!
– Bray points out that they all hate Punk and Bryan, so the tables appear to be turned.
– They all swarm! But The Usos and the Tag Champs come out for the save! We’ve got an Elimination Tag set up for Survivor Series! 6-on-6, motherfucker!

Overall RAW Thoughts: Eh, it was okay. First hour started off great and the second half hour was okay. The second hour of the show started off with a good match for the IC Title with what I would consider to be a baffling finish. The title really needs to stay with Axel? The rest of the hour was pretty shitty except for some good stuff in the Cena v. Cesaro/Swagger match. The first half of that match was boring as hell with Cena on autopilor for some reason, though. I couldn’t care any less about the Del Rio/Cena feud (the graphic for the match is the best part of the whole rivalry) and I’ll say it again… Del Rio needs to go away for a while and he needs to get repackaged. He can still be Alberto Del Rio and have essentially the same look, but he needs to have SOMETHING interesting. He’s been around for quite a while now and he’s been a stereotypical rich snob, a stereotypical smiling babyface and now he’s a stereotypical rich snob who has intense pride for his country. Booooo-ring. I assume Heyman getting destroyed by Punk again means he’s going to be out for a while, probably until the Royal Rumble when he brings back Brock Lesnar. The brief brawl between the Wyatts and The Shield was awesome and hopefully it will lead to a 6-on-6 elimination match at the PPV. That would be all kinds of great. Give them 45 minutes and watch them produce pure gold.

– The biggest news of the week, I’d say, is the release of the former Kassius Ohno, more well known in the IWC and the indy circuit as Chris Hero. I wouldn’t call it a surprise based on all of the talk of him disregarding the directive to hit the gym to tone up a bit, but surely there’s got to be more to the story. Definitely a shame, and certainly we’ll find out more in due time. In the meantime, Hero already has a pair of bookings lined up, the first of which is this weekend with DGUSA in Brooklyn. His opponent isn’t announced yet, but he’s also booked for a PWG Title match against current champion Adam Cole. I’m upset that Hero’s gone from WWE, but if his release had to do with him not following the rules, then nobody can be blamed but himself. Time will tell, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see him back eventually. According to his blog post about the matter, he left on good terms, so who knows why he’s gone?

– Are we really posting updates about John Cena shitting himself?

– WWE is blaming Daniel Bryan, at least in part, for the low PPV buyrates as of late. I’m sure it could have nothing to do with the shitty finishes to the shows and completely botching of the storyline that should have made him a bonified star. Allegedly WWE is looking to start pushing big guys again and Bryan’s place is going to be in the mid-card having great matches. To be completely honest I have no problem with that. As long as he’s on TV every week doing something interesting and having great matches it doesn’t matter if it’s in the main event or the 3rd match on the card. Hey, if the “big guy” thing is true it could mean good things for Cesaro, and I’ll take that trade-off.

– Hey, Evan Bourne is set to finally return after his 3-year hiatus in 4 to 6 weeks! Bring back Air Boom!

– WWE reportedly has a number of matches that they want for WrestleMania 30, which, contrary to WWE’s belief, is NOT the 30th anniversary:

The Undertaker v. Sting (or Brock Lesnar)
– A lot of people have been clamoring for this match for years and it seems like this is WWE’s first legitimate shot of getting it to happen. If Triple H could get Bruno to come back, he’s gotta be able to get Sting. One has to assume, though, that if it’s not Sting and they go with Lesnar instead, ‘Taker’s final WrestleMania match will be at WM XXXI against John cena. And if they DO get Sting, what does Brock do? One more match with Punk? I say they push Cesaro to the moon and let him take on Lesnar at ‘Mania. That would be badass.

Ryback v. Goldberg (or Big Show)
– It’s the showdown we’ve all been waiting for! To be completely honest, if they do actually pull this one off they only way I see it playing out is in a similar manner to what happened with Brock and Goldberg 10 years prior. Ryback is still going to be pretty crappy, Goldberg is going to be old and only there for a paycheck and the crowd is going to turn on them when they start blowing spots. I REALLY want this match to happen. The reported backup for this one is Ryback v. Big Show, which I have less than zero interest in. I’m so unbelievably over Ryback it might be incalculable.

CM Punk v. Randy Orton
– This one seems to be the WWE Title match, which may mean that Orton’s going to be holding that belt for the next 5 months. I was personally somewhat underwhelmed by their match a few years back at WrestleMania, but both guys are on a different level now as overall performers. Punk, especially, has adapted a different style and it’s been working amazingly well for him. I guess I could go for this.

John Cena v. Royal Rumble Winner
– Cena will also likely be holding his title all the way up to WrestleMania. Truthfully I’d prefer it if they could come up with a way to do Cena v. Orton in a title unification match. Cena’s been talking a lot about raising the prestige of the belt, and Orton should eventually start taking offense and claim that the WWE Title is the company’s richest prize. Come up with some sort of inconclusive finish to the Rumble and just unify the belts. Alternatively, I’d like to see Ziggler win the Rumble (yeah, I’ll bet on that) and finally get his true reign as World Champion.

Shawn Michaels v. Daniel Bryan
– If they can convince Shawn to do it, I might buy the PPV for this match alone.

Goldust v. Cody Rhodes
– The story says that Goldust will turn on Cody somewhere down the line (one would assume in the Rumble match after teasing dissention when they lose the tag belts) leading to the brother versus brother match at ‘Mania that Goldy has been pushing for. I would be 100% behind this decision.

Beyond Wrestling

ACH v. Pinkie Sanchez || Beyond Wrestling Tournament for Tomorrow 2011 – November 19, 2011
From TJ Hawke: “Really solid match here. Pinkie’s work on the leg was a sound strategy, and ACH sold the leg fairly well throughout the match. My only nitpick is that the legwork did not play a part in the finish, and in fact, ACH was able to do back-to-back running knees for the finish. Small nitpick though”

For more, please visit FreeProWrestling.com

Heh, Reigns fell on his ass.

– Nicholas A. Marsico