wrestling / Columns

The Tuesday Communique 11.19.13: El Final Pt. 3 of 4

November 19, 2013 | Posted by Nick Marsico

The Wrestling News Experience with Stephen Randle
World’s Most Dangerous Column: Did Daniel Bryan Deserve Better? with Greg De Marco
The 8 Ball: Top 8 Ways to Make Randy Orton More Heelish with Mike Hammerlock
The Professional 3: My Dad’s Favorite Wrestling Talking Points with Jon Harder
The Ten Count: Top 10 WWE Moments from the 90s with Evan Daniels
Smart Marks: Standards of Excellence with Dino Zucconi
The Heel Report: Pier Six Brawl with James Wright
The Wrestling 5&1: Summer Rae vs. Audrey Marie with Tony Acero
World Wrestling News Report with Aaron Frame
Sports Entertainment 720 News Report with Jarrod Atkinson
The Side Russian News Sweep with Chris Pilkington
Ask 411 Wrestling: Bumping, Buyrates, Breaking Stuff & More! with Mathew Sforcina

IMPORTANT INFORMATION! Part Three of Four of my Tuesday Communique farewell is here! I’m going to be doing a bi-weekly column (probably every other Thursday) and every once in a while I’ll put up a column if I have something to talk about. The brass here at 411 have been gracious and generous enough to accomodate my ever-changing life and I’m more excited than ever to be writing for 411 Wrestling. Let the fun begin!

WWE RAW Country from Nashville, TN || TV Review

Yay The Authority Are Back!
– Before they can say much Randy Orton comes out full of piss and vinegar.
– Suddenly 30 times more interesting than he’s been since the summer of 2000-whatever when he was feuding with Christian.
– Brad Maddox and Vickie Guerrero appear and end up getting booked in matches. Wow, country music AND non-wrestlers in matches! #RAWCountry
– I hope Maddox beats Orton in 34 seconds just for the sake of nobody ever seeing that shit coming.

Non-Title, No DQ: Randy Orton v. Brad Maddox
– Wow, they actually waited until coming back from commercial to ring the bell? THIS MATCH IS IMPORTANT.
– Maddox uses international objects! Midget DDT! My hope almost came true!
– Why does the crowd constantly chant for tables? Unless you stack up like 10 of them I don’t give a hoot.
– Orton wins via ref stoppage due to excessive use of microphone. Even Brad’s head cuts a better promo than Orton.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel v. Big E Langston
– Big E’s music has some massive bass added! IT RULES! Your NEW Intercontinental Champion, damn it!
– Axel gets some decent boos thanks to Big E being so awesome.
– Do you think they will start paying attention to the title when Big E wins?
– Thank god I’m typing because I would never have been able to get that out verbally without laughing myself to death.
– Nice sequence coming out of commercial ending with a sweet dropkick from Axel!
– Big E has the best splash I’ve ever seen. Flawless.
– The crowd wants Big E to win so badly that they even reacted to Axel setting up his shitty finisher.
– STRAPS ARE DOWN! BIG ENDING! CROWD GOES BATSHIT!
– Nothing special, but definitely a good match with some great nearfalls and a fantastic crowd.

Randy Orton tells The Shield that they better protect his ass and they reply with the same request. More importantly… THAT’S the band playing on RAW tonight? The fucking “windows down and CROOOOOOO-OOOOOSE!” guys? Well fuck.

Diva Stuff.

Big Show v. Ryback
– Hey, it’s Hootie! So country music has picked up on the autotune trend as well, eh?
– OH MY GOD THEY’RE GIVING AWAY A POSSIBLE WRESTLEMANIA BACKUP MATCH ON RAW COUNTRY!
– Did JBL just say Big Show is 780 pounds? I approve of this hyperbolic exaggeration.
– Ryback kinda looks like if Randy Orton brought out a midget Big Show to make fun of him.
– Midget Booker T was awesome.
– Ryback should stop using that splash. It looked like he was gingerly lying down compared to the beast of a splash Big E does.
– Big Show looks great and Ryback stinks. Shellshocked was pretty sweet, though.
– Why is Ryback getting so much offense? Just release him and let him suck in TNA.
– Match wasn’t terrible, mostly thanks to the loud crowd.
– HOLY SHIT SPEAR FROM BIG SHOW! THIS AIN’T YOUR HOUSE RANDY!

Zack Ryder talks with Florida-Georgia Line until 3MB, or the “Rhinestone Cowboys”, interrupt. Is that their official singing debut? Their voices are like those of the angels!

The Real Americans v. Kofi Kingston & The Miz
– Crazy strength on a backbreaker from Cesaro. He even looks good botching.
– Cole mentioned Kofi and Miz competing against each other while teaming tonight. Miz should turn heel and they should team up like MVP and Matt Hardy did.
– Hey look, Miz didn’t tag Kofi! Yay for the heel turn!

Non-Title: AJ Lee v. Vickie Guerrero
– Vickie faints a bunch of times and gets submitted by the Black Widow.
– They’re doing a 7-on-7 divas elimination match? What did I do wrong?

Triple H tells Sandow and Ziggler that they’re going to have a “Broadway Brawl” tonight. I hope they tear the god damn house down. Maybe Ziggler will be the mystery partner in the tag match Sunday.

Broadway Brawl: Dolph Ziggler v. Damien Sandow
– I do not understand any of these country music references.
– I do Understand Ziggler’s sick dropkick.
– ZIGGLER FLIES THROUGH A KEYBOARD!
– THIS MATCH IS VERY TAME! THERE IS SO MUCH PLUNDER TO USE!
– Ziggler gets his head taken off by a fiddle or a ukelele or a guitar maybe.
– Fiddle broken over Sandow’s back! SHADES OF JEFF JARRETT!
– Fameasser! SHADES OF BILLY GUNN!
– Ziggler picks up a drum and the crowd goes wild! Over Sandow’s head it goes!
– Another one! Guitar in hand! He struts like Double J! HEADSHOT WITH THE GUITAR!
– Okay match with shitty commentary and a great finish.

John Cena In A Sling!
– He’s proud and intense.
– The sling ain’t legit it seems.
– I don’t hate this feud but it came from so far out in left field that I didn’t even get a chance to find a reason to care. It’s as generic a feud as you can possibly find.

The Rhinestone Cowboys v. R-Truth & Xavier Woods
– It’s the return of Truth and Consequences!
– Truth is consistently over so it’s great to put Woods in there with him.
– Rolling clothesline and EAT DEFEAT!
– These guys could be a sweet tag team.

The Authority tell Randy Orton that he will be receiving no help from them, The Shield or anybody else on Sunday. So what shocking swerve are we going to get? The Authority turning on Orton with Show turning heel or the whole thing being a ruse and The Authority helping Orton get the win?

12-Man Tag: CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Goldust, Cody Rhodes & The Usos v. The Shield & The Wyatt Family
– Pretty standard fare until it looks like Rollins kills one of the Usos with a back elbow.
– That leads to a Shield/Wyatt standoff which must have been smoothed over ON THE APP!
– Decent heel isolation until Daniel Bryan gets the hot tag! Harper gets killed! Rollins takes a huge German!
– HOLY COW WHAT A SITOUT POWERBOMB FROM HARPER!
– Wyatt pounds on Bryan while the crowd chants for Pu
– Bryan’s the face in peril and is about to make the hot tag when a pier six brawl almost breaks out!
– THE APP once again saves the day, as order is restored when we return from the commercials.
– Bryan gets a big DDT! HOT TAG TO PUNK!
– Neckbreaker/DDT combo on Rollins and Ambrose! Knees and short-arm clotheslines for everybody!
– Savage elbow has no chance of leading to the GTS… Bray Wyatt gets kicked in the head!
– Anaconda Vise broken up by Rowan! The Usos fly over the top and take out the Wyatts!
– Everybody hits their finishers and I can’t keep up!
– HART ATTACK FROM BRYAN AND PUNK! Suicide dive from Bryan!
– GO TO SLEEP FROM PUNK!
– Match was essentially time filler until the SUPER AWESOME EVERYBODY GETS HIT WITH EVERYBODY’S MOVE EXTRAVAGANZA.
– Rey Mysterio is back! The heels all get taken out! This is freakin’ great!

Overall RAW Thoughts: Fun show. I got to skip musical chairs and the country performance, Xavier Woods had a good debut, Ziggler got to win a match and hit EL KABONG, Big E won the IC Title to a hugenormous reaction and the main event was good fun. Plus Mysterio finally returns to close the show strong, hopefully to begin his final run. The show never dragged and I enjoyed myself watching. That’s really all I ask for on a Mondy night.

– The latest on Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards’ journey toward WWE has them set to have a one-week trial of sorts at the Performance Center. Speculation says that this is likely to lead to them getting a short-term developmental deal, whatever that means. If they don’t end up getting long-term deals this is going to end up being a waste of time and loss of money for both men. I’m tired of Richards on the indies and Edwards is being criminally underused in ROH so a change is welcome, however. I’d like to see them on a different stage for a while. They were a great tag team for a while but their renewed teaming after the breakup has felt very stale and underwhelming. Eddie is best as a whitebread babyface with a bit of an attitude and Davey is best as a grumpy heel who’s just mad at the world for no real reason.

– Hulk Hogan was featured on Oprah’s “Where Are They Now?” show. Or segment. Or something. It really shows how little of a blip TNA is on the pop culture radar when a guy who has been prominently featured as one of the most important parts of a national television show for years ends up on a feature that generally updates us on somebody who has been failing to get over a meth addiction for the past 15 years.

– For some reason the triple threat match from WrestleMania XX will not be featured on HBK’s new WrestleMania legacy DVD. The footage must have been corrupted when they were converting it to HD. They should just refilm the match in the Performance Center. Stevie Richards is surely available.

– WWE has decided against holding SummerSlam in Wembley Stadium next year. One of the reasons is apparently because they’re worried that the buyrate would suck due to the show having to start at 3pm ET in America. The buyrates have been shit anyway, why not change it up? It’s a Sunday afternoon in the summer. There’s no football and baseball won’t be quite into the tense part of the season, so what’s the risk? If you make people want to watch the show, they’ll watch it live at 3 or catch the replay at 8. The only risk is that they have no faith in their booking abilities. Plus it would feel like a special event to hold a live PPV at 3 in the afternoon and may draw some interest from that alone.

– TNA has speculated, on their own website, that some familiar faces may be returning soon. I hope it’s Monty Brown. I always hope it’s Monty Brown.

Inter Species Wrestling

FIST v. 2.0 & Hallowicked || ISW Burger King of the Ring 2011 – July 23, 2011
From Murray Peterson: “My god, this match was the funniest I have ever seen. The commentary was also brilliant and added to the overall light spirit of the contest. Action, comedy, this match had everything you need. Watch it now, just do it because it was awesome.”

For more, please visit FreeProWrestling.com