wrestling / Columns

The Professional 3 11.24.13 Turkeys and Wrestling

November 24, 2013 | Posted by Jon Harder


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Welcome everyone to another edition of the Professional 3 on 411wrestling.com! I’m Jon Harder and it’s Thanksgiving week for all of us Americans! Before I go into that, I want to thank everyone for their kind words about my column last week, which was dedicated to the memory of my father. It really touched me and helped me get moving throughout the week. You can’t stay down: you have to keep rolling with the punches and continuously go forward through pain and sorrow. It’s the only way you can survive.

Before we go into this week’s column, check out this week’s Hardway Podcast on TheJonHarder.com with independent wrestling personality Matthew Ryan! Matt, who is a jack of all trades within the realm of wrestling, truly personifies his passion for the game. He has done work for Ring of Honor and worked exclusively with Kevin Kelly. Also, Matt has worked with his own podcasting network Card Subject To Change, and maintains a very healthy professional life as well. The passion that is exuded by Matt is refreshing to hear! You can follow Matt on Twitter at @ImMattRyan.

Also, you can follow me on Twitter at @TheJonHarder. I plug a lot and write random Mets tweets. It normally comes off OK. I also once got retweeted by Boomer Esiason. For some reason, it makes me feel like a folk hero. Not really, just had to say it.

Now, onto this week’s column. Thanksgiving always meant a lot to my family. As I push forward, I truly realize how different my house will be around this Thursday. My Dad’s favorite holiday was Thanksgiving. I always remember, especially in the early 1990s, that whenever the entire clan came out to celebrate Thanksgiving with us, the previously recorded Survivor Series was playing in the household. As you know already, I have my feelings on my personal favorite Survivor Series team names. It was also the cards themselves. I’ll never forget in 1994 watching the match where Bob Backlund won the World Wrestling Federation championship from Bret Hart in the submission match. It was something to behold, even more so later on, when Backlund cut what possibly could have been the GREATEST post-match championship winning promo of all time, proclaiming he felt like God at the end of it. At 9 years old, I knew Bob Backlund was an insane genius, the likes of which could never be portrayed as well as only Mr. Backlund could do. CHECK THIS OUT!

That’s what Thanksgiving normally meant around the Harder House with activities. But it was more than the wrestling. It was the camaraderie of family and friends. When you are a kid, you look at it as just a chance to get together and hang out with your relatives. Now, a little older and wiser, realize that having those people around and bonding with them is so precious and precarious. It’s those days which I wish I could always have back, as they were the good old’ days. It was that which made Thanksgiving so important in the United States.

I actually have to confess and make it a three-way tie. It was the Survivor Series viewings, the camaraderie of family and friends, and the delicious, yet symbol of Thanksgiving greatness, TURKEY.

Oh, the Thanksgiving turkey. Introduced in 1621 when the first Pilgrim settlers and Native American tribes sat down to break bread and be thankful for all the help the other had brought to each other’s civilizations, the turkey has been synonymous with the Thanksgiving holiday. After Abe Lincoln officially proclaimed Thanksgiving as an official holiday on October 3, 1863, the turkey has been utilized as the predominant meat served with the feast every fourth Thursday in America. It went together with a multitude of different food items and just became the unofficial “official” food of the day. Remember the love the Old Man from A Christmas Story had for turkey? Take that, multiply it by ten, and that is the love turkey has on this great country.

And yet, somehow, the Thanksgiving turkey has been utilized a plethora of times in the world of pro wrestling, ESPECIALLY AROUND THANKSGIVING. Guys and gals, you know my love of the obscure. You know the weirdness and wackiness I love to bring around with my columns. It’s what makes my stuff so different from everything else involved on 411wrestling.com. I love the cheesy nature behind certain pro wrestling concepts. Anything involving turkeys in the realm of pro wrestling: 100% perfect of a P3. This week’s P3 will be about what usage a Thanksgiving turkey has had in the sport of kings. Trust me: there was a lot done with a turkey that I cannot even fathom on a really imaginative day within wrestling.

Without further hesitation…

THE PROFESSIONAL 3: TURKEYS & WRESTLING

1) TNA TURKEY BOWL

On November 22, 2007, on a taped edition of Impact on Spike TV, Total Nonstop Action debuted the Turkey Bowl concept, which was a small two round tournament, based around the triple threat match. 9 men were in the first round of the tourney in 3 triple threat matches. The three winners would then go to the finals in a triple threat match, where the one who was pinned would be forced to be shamed with a turkey costume, and the winner would receive a check for $25000. It was a simple idea that not only made TNA watchable for the Thanksgiving holiday, but would make for a fun episode the fans would enjoy. In the finals of the first ever Turkey Bowl, Samoa Joe defeated AJ Styles and Chris Sabin, when Joe pinned AJ. The end of the match, AJ looked like a total buffoon wearing the turkey get-up. To me, the turkey suit is very reminiscent of the Weasel costume Bobby “the Brain” Heenan would wear.

In the second Turkey Bowl, Alex Shelley was pinned by Rhino in the finals of the 2008 installment in a match that also included the then-X Division champion Sheik Abdul Bashir. Alas, the Turkey Bowl was inactive until 2012, five years to the date of the first Turkey Bowl. Instead of a tournament, it was one triple threat match. Eric Young defeated Jessie Godders and Robbie E to win the match and avoided the turkey suit. I absolutely think this was a cute concept that TNA ran. Possibly a Vince Russo idea? Definitely was. But in some respects, a throwback to old school wrestling. I appreciate the homage to the effect Thanksgiving Day had on pro wrestling.


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2) AWA TURKEY ON A POLE MATCH

I will not lie. When WrestleCrap first started, the first thing I will always remember about the site was the infamous discussion of the AWA Team Challenge Series created by the American Wrestling Association in 1990 and RD Reynolds’ detail on the last ditch idea to save the AWA. The AWA was, at one time, one of the most powerful wrestling organizations in the mid to late 1900’s. However, losing a mass amount of raw talent, combined with promoter Verne Gagne being stuck in his ways with booking decisions, left the AWA in mere shambles. A young, wily, aggressive announcer named Eric Bischoff was around at the end of the AWA. With nothing to lose and a TV deal to salvage on ESPN, Bischoff introduced the Team Challenge Series to the airwaves. And one of the matches…THE TURKEY ON A POLE MATCH.

Dubbed the “Great American Turkey Hunt” by the company, the match was contested with Jake “the Milkman” Millman, an underneath wrestler within the Minneapolis area, and the legendary Col. DeBeers, who was an AWA mainstay from the mid-1980s to this exact point in history. The object was simple: the first man to climb the ropes and grab a raw turkey from the top of a pole would be the winner. After a solid back and forth battle, the referee was taken out. DeBeers actually climbed the pole and won, but as the referee got back to his feet, Millman grabbed the turkey from DeBeers’ hands. The referee saw Millman with the turkey and announced him as the winner.

GREATEST. MATCH. CONCEPT. EVER. The AWA should have survived with that idea. Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. Regardless, this is totally a fun little, yet over-the-top, idea. You can’t forget wrestling’s past, and I never will.

3) THE GOBBLEDY GOOKER

Need I say more? Survivor Series 1990 was the debut of this creature. Hatched from an egg many considered to possibly be the Playmate of the Year, the Gobbledy Gooker was quite the turkey, at least I think he was. He was quite the dancer, had incredible agility, and spoke in Gobbledy, a very obscure language from Parts Unknown. Mean Gene knows about him VERY WELL. It was considered by many as the WORST GIMMICK EVER. I disagree. It was just outside the box. The big issue I had was the fact that if they kept Gobbledy Gooker as the “official mascot” of the Survivor Series, and he came out once a year, that would have been fantastic. Instead, the WWF put him on TV for the next several weeks, as you see in this clip here. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Man, would Koko and the Gooker have been a fantastic pair.) 

Gooker went back to Parts Unknown until WrestleMania X-Seven, where he made a return amidst the mass humanity of the Gimmick Battle Royal. Although he didn’t win, he survived and was able to go back home in 2001. In 2009, we thought the Gooker made a full-time return to the pre-Thanksgiving edition of Raw during a Divas’ match; instead, it was Maryse in disguise. All the male fans were excited; I felt duped. Finally, the Gobbledy Gooker was put to sleep in 2012, while during the Thanksgiving episode of Foreign Exchange on YouTube, Santino Marella found him and cooked him for Thanksgiving dinner. RIP Gooker.

Yes, wrestling and the turkey. They don’t go together all that well. But it leads to an entertaining column in the P3. Remember, Thanksgiving is about friendship and family. It isn’t meant to mesh well in pro wrestling. In spite of that, I thoroughly enjoyed doing this P3. Thanksgiving is so incredible and I’m happy to share this week’s piece. Enjoy watching the Lions on Thanksgiving Day, eat some turkey, and cherish the time you get with your loved ones. You’ll always wish you had those all over again. Until next week…

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!


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#Professional3

Jon Harder – [email protected]




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