The Wrestling News Experience: 11.25.13

Monday, November 25th, 2013

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

As Seen On The Midnight Channel

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, entering my eleventh year of writing for 411 and my year of being alive. Don’t worry, I know you forgot to get me a present, I already got myself something nice and charged it to your credit card. You know, it really is amazing what you can find online.

And what did WWE get me for my birthday? Well…

Acero had the live coverage.

Miz beat Kofi in the pre-show with a roll-up, apparently. Yep, he must be a heel again. Come on guys, I think we can afford to have Kofi lose to an actual finisher.

Triple H guarantees no physical interference in any matches tonight. But that still leaves mental, emotional, electrical, financial, and psionic, so, you know, they’ve got options.

The Rhodes Brothers, The Usos and Rey Mysterio vs The Shield and The Real Americans – Survivor Series Match

Is it possible for the Usos to be wearing more colours?

Okay, WWE, fine, you made a pop culture reference. Now, let us never hear you speak of twerking again.

Apparently Zeb, Lawler, and JBL all have a birthday on Friday. There’s a Black Friday joke in there somewhere, I just know it.

Dean Ambrose was eliminated by Cody Rhodes (pinfall, rollup)

Well, that was an old-school Survivor Series elimination.

Jack Swagger was eliminated by Jey Uso (pinfall, 619-superkick-splash combo)

Not sure they really needed a parade of finishers to take out Jack Swagger, but whatever.

Over thirty swings between two Usos. Cesaro may not be a babyface, but he’s a babyface.

What?!? Noooooo!!!

Antonio Cesaro was eliminated by Cody Rhodes (pinfall, Victory Roll)

I guess…he was still dizzy?

I suspect the preliminary Reigns singles push starts…here.

Uh oh, they know about Michael Cole Bingo! Hide your cards!

Jimmy Uso was eliminated by Roman Reigns (pinfall, Spear)

Cody Rhodes was eliminated by Roman Reigns (pinfall, Spear)

Jey Uso was eliminated by Seth Rollins (pinfall, Curb Stomp)

Seth Rollins was eliminated by Rey Mysterio (pinfall, Victory Roll)

Seriously, does anybody on the face side have an actual finisher?

Goldust was eliminated by Roman Reigns (pinfall, Spear)

Rey Mysterio was eliminated by Romain Reigns (pinfall, Spear)

Man, I like being right all the time.

The Shield and The Real Americans defeated The Rhodes Brothers, The Usos, and Rey Mysterio (Roman Reigns Survived)

Why would Randy knock? No one else ever does. Have we ever seen proof that the backstage office set even has a door? It’s like the reverse APA office.

Big E Langston © vs Curtis Axel – WWE Intercontinental Championship

Cole says Curtis Axel pointed him towards a YouTube video earlier. I wonder if it was this one.

According to the chyron, Christmas Bounty is starring “The Miz”, their use of quotation marks, not mine. More like “starring” The Miz.

Well, that was a match that occurred.

Big E Langston defeated Curtis Axel to retain the WWE Intercontinental Championship (pinfall, Big Ending)

Hey, Big E is stealing Mick’s cheap pops!

Well, there’s AJ. I assume Acero’s recap has become illegible, so feel free to use this to catch up on what happened.

Why would AJ think she’s superior to the rest of her team? Besides the fact she is?

And now AJ’s stealing Dolph’s lines. What the hell, guys?

Team Total Divas vs Team AJ – Survivor Series Match

14 Divas, less than half of whom can actually wrestle. Please, God, let it be short.

I wonder if the Divas actually understood the concept of a food bank. Or the concept of food.

Nope, already too long. Clearly, God hates me.

Alicia Fox was eliminated by Naomi (pinfall, split-legged moonsault)

Well, at least the chance of accidental fatality dropped significantly.

Candace was eliminated by Rosa Mendes (pinfall, um….)

Rosa Mendes was eliminated by Nikki Bella (pinfall, uh…)

Summer Rae was eliminated by Nikki Bella (pinfall, dropkick)

Trust me, there weren’t any actual wrestling moves involved in these. I think one of them was literally Nikki entering the match and pinning Rosa.

Eva Marie was eliminated by Kaitlyn (pinfall, gutbuster)

You know, if they can’t wrestle, and we know they can’t wrestle, and you know that we know they can’t wrestle, DON’T PUT THEM IN A MATCH!

Naomi was eliminated by Kaitlyn (pinfall, gutbuster)

Kaitlyn was eliminated by Brie Bella (pinfall, missile dropkick)

Brie Bella was eliminated by Aksana (pinfall, spinebuster)

Aksana was eliminated by Nikki Bella (pinfall)

You know what, I’m just going to stop pretending this was a real match. They’re literally getting eliminated upon entering the ring. All that stuff I just typed? Played out inside of two minutes. This is a farce. And even with rapid-fire eliminations, it still feels ridiculously long.

Apparently Nattie disappeared into the Phantom Zone at some point.

JoJo was eliminated by AJ (pinfall, Samoan Drop)

Oh, there she is.

Tamina Snuka was eliminated by Natalya (submission, Sharpshooter)

I didn’t actually see a submission, but I guess we’re taking Lillian’s word for it.

AJ Lee was eliminated by Natalya (submission, Sharpshooter)

Team Total Divas defeated Team AJ (Natalya and Nikki Bella Survive)

Even Lillian and the announcers forgot that Nikki was still in the match, apparently.

Well, it might not win Worst Match of the Year, but I’ll certainly vote for it.

That’s right, Ryback is down to feuding with the PPV panel of analysts! I’m sure this will go well for him.

Ayup.

Ryback vs Mark Henry

And he’s bald. I didn’t think he could look more intimidating, but then he does that.

Except when he smiles, he turns into a giant teddy bear. Mark Henry is a man of many dichotomies.

Mark Henry defeated Ryback (pinfall, World’s Strongest Slam)

Reigns…Big E…Show…Henry…always remember, when WWE panics, big guys get big pushes.

The panel tries harder to sell Del Rio’s chances than WWE booking has.

Which reminds my wife that poor Dolph Ziggler didn’t even get to come back to the panel for Survivor Series. But I thought Josh Mathews made a binding invitation!

John Cena © vs Alberto Del Rio – World Heavyweight Championship

Apparently even the power of John Cena can’t make the World Heavyweight title match close the PPV. By the transitive property, that means the World title is less important to WWE than Kane, Big Show, and Johnny Ace.

Well, there’s my favourite sign of the night: Cena Is Marginal At Best

Can I go do something else and just assume that John Cena overcomes his near-crippling arm injury to beat Alberto Del Rio? I can? Oh joy!

John Cena defeated Alberto Del Rio to retain the World Heavyweight Championship (pinfall, AA)

And yes, I did type all that before the match started and went off to read Nathan Fillion’s Twitter feed. Don’t you judge me.

Just in case you cared, Michael Cole makes sure to remind us that, indeed, Nikki Bella was a survivor in the match that nobody gave a shit about and didn’t want to be reminded of.

CM Punk and Daniel Bryan vs Luke Harper and Erick Rowan

I could mention that Punk and Bryan individually each get bigger face pops in John Cena’s hometown than John Cena, but I’m sure other people will do it louder and with worse spelling.

Apparently the only way Michael Cole can differentiate Harper and Rowan is by beard colour?

Geez, JBL is being really abrasive to Cole tonight. I approve, but man, what did Cole do to him?

CM Punk and Daniel Bryan defeated Luke Harper and Erick Rowan (Punk pinned Harper, GTS)

I actually thought the Family would take this one (via Bray interference, so I guess Triple H screwed me out of that) so we could get an awesome gimmick match at TLC. I guess that’s still possible, but my way would have made sense, too.

And Cena and Orton have a staredown that should send chills down the spine of everyone who had hoped that this wasn’t where we might be headed…

Randy Orton © vs The Big Show – WWE Championship

Man, that recap package sure makes me want to see Big Show get his hands on Triple H and Stephanie. Unfortunately, he’s actually facing WWE Champion Randy Orton, who spends the video alternatively whining and getting beaten up by Show. Smell that buyrate!

Apparently Show’s real reason for returning is because he wants to do what he loves, perform in front of a WWE audience. You know, if he’d won the company in that fake lawsuit, he could have done that AND had millions of dollars.

Well, there actually hasn’t been any interference tonight. Granted, there really weren’t any matches that warranted it, outside of possibly the Punk/Bryan-Wyatts.

Hey, careful with those “We Want Bryan” chants, guys. Remember what happened to Ryder?

Ah, the old “technically there was no interference” finish that absolutely nobody loves because it requires the babyface to stand there like an idiot and yell at people who aren’t doing anything on in the entranceway.

Randy Orton defeated The Big Show to retain the WWE Championship (pinfall, punt)

Oh, this can’t be good.

Oh god no. No. Nonononononono. Don’t you goddamn do this. I already paid my dues. You promised me no more Cena vs Orton. Never again, you said. If this is what you’re going to do, you can count me out. I’m not sitting through this again, and you can’t make me.

Tonight, the dreaded Raw Guest Host returns, in the form of morning talk show host Michael Strahan! I understand he also played some sort of professional sport at some point, too.

Also, John Cena is still World Heavyweight Champion. Oh, don’t look so shocked. It demeans us both. And, because life is completely unfair and without hope, he closed the PPV by appearing to challenge WWE Champion Randy Orton, who retained his title in another foregone conclusion against The Big Show. Yep, so that’s happening.

Plus, CM Punk and Daniel Bryan defeated Bray Wyatt’s cronies last night, but failed to get their hands on the mastermind himself, and one can’t help but think that Bray might be the sort of guy who preaches vengeance.

Meanwhile, after Roman Reigns nearly singlehandedly destroyed five men, including the tag team champions, could The Shield be on the ascent once again? And who will now step forward to challenge the new, dominant, Intercontinental champion Big E Langston?

And I’ve heard rumours that, in celebration of (American) Thanksgiving, a certain large flightless avian might be making its way to Raw for a special appearance. Sure, it might be a comedy bit, but who knows what might be under that humorous façade, tonight on Raw?

– Dixie Carter did an interview with SI.com last week, presumably because they wanted an interview with the most powerful woman in wrestling and were told that she was Stephanie McMahon. I’ve been saying Sports Illustrated has been out of touch with what’s actually happening in sports for a long time, and this just clinches it.

– Apparently, the totally on the way WWE Network may be offering WrestleMania XXX for free to subscribers, likely as a way to increase interest in the channel. That would be the first time that anything using “XXX” in the title was given away on television for free.

– A far lesser actor than the Rock, who is starring in a different Hercules movie than him (Seriously? Two separate film companies thought the world was clamouring for a Hercules movie?) suggested that Rocky might have taken steroids to fit into the title role. This would be huge news if anyone gave a shit if Hollywood actors were on steroids. Just as long as they don’t play professional sports while doing so.

– Ryback is making a big public push to face Goldberg at WrestleMania. I don’t think they’re going to pay Goldberg to wrestle on the pre-show, man.

– Kurt Angle was part of a big event headed by boy band One Direction this past weekend. You know, they tell you that addiction can make you do crazy things, but it’s so sad to actually see its effects in action.

– Allegedly, WWE is planning a Best Of WCW PPV Matches DVD. Reportedly, the set will cut off abruptly shortly after 1996.

HOT: Roman Reigns When you eliminate four people basically singlehandedly in a Survivor Series match, you’re getting a push. Look for Reigns to be a hot choice for the “Diesel” spot in the upcoming Rumble. Anyone want to bet against him taking Ambrose’s US Title by WrestleMania?

NOT: Kane Okay, it’s neat that he’s wearing a suit now, but is he actually going to do anything, or just stand there quietly, letting his hair grow back?

HOT: Big E Langston Can he be the one who finally wins matches as the Intercontinental Champion? The odds are against him, but he also lacks any real challengers. Maybe he’ll get to beat up Miz for a couple of months or something!

NOT: Raw Country I’m still baffled as to why they thought this was a thing worth doing. Plus, they took an entire segment and used it to host a country music performance! This egregious waste of time was underscored by the fact that on Smackdown…

HOT: 3MB …they cut The Fabulous 3Birds due to time constraints! Are you kidding me? I’d better see that act on Raw tonight, or heads are going to roll!

NOT: Ryback He may or may not be in the doghouse for a variety of reasons, but one thing is certain, there’s a lot of big guys getting pushes, and he’s definitely at the back of the line.

HOT: Mark Henry Mark Henry going from badass dreadlocks to completely bald: most drastic hairstyle change since Britney Spears? You make the call!

NOT: The Miz Sure, it’s a heel turn, but it was pulled off so suddenly and without impetus that it played off basically as WWE finally deciding just to make the crowd reactions match up. Whether it leads to any sort of career resurrection for Miz is another story.

HOT: Xavier Woods Well, debuting as R-Truth’s buddy, while a good (and probably unintentional) continuity nod, isn’t exactly positioning yourself as a major player, but hey, the tag division isn’t necessarily where careers go to die anymore. Plus, it beats not getting off NXT at all, right Chris Hero?

NOT: Randy Orton Remember how Randy Orton’s heel turn was supposed to reignite the sadistic killer Viper? Turns out it just made him into Triple H and Stephanie’s subservient, whiny bitch. I guess that’s…something.

Inactive List as of 11.18.13

WWE

– Christian, out indefinitely as of September 2nd (concussion)
– Evan Bourne, out indefinitely as of March 19th, 2012 (foot)
– Mark Henry, day-to-day as of September 1st (hamstring)
– Sheamus, out 4-6 months as of August 5th (torn labrum)

TNA

– Zema Ion, out indefinitely as of May 17th (appendectomy)

Transactions

– Mark Henry, WWE, returned to action on November 24th Survivor Series

– Rey Mysterio, WWE, returned to television on November 18th Raw

– Xavier Woods, WWE, made main roster debut on November 18th Raw

WWE Champion: Randy Orton
– 29 day reign, defeated Daniel Bryan on October 27th (Hell in a Cell PPV) to win the vacant title

World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena
– 29 day reign, defeated Alberto Del Rio on October 27th (Hell in a Cell PPV)

**NEW** WWE Intercontinental Champion: Big E Langston
– 7 day reign, defeated Curtis Axel on November 18th (Raw)

WWE United States Champion: Dean Ambrose
– 183 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston on May 19th (Extreme Rules PPV)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes and Goldust
– 42 day reign, defeated The Shield on October 14th (Raw)

WWE Divas’ Champion: AJ Lee
– 162 day reign, defeated Kaitlyn on June 16th (Payback PPV)

WWE NXT Champion: Bo Dallas
– 166 day reign, defeated Big E Langston on June 5th (NXT)

WWE NXT Tag Team Champions: The Ascension
– 47 day reign, defeated Corey Graves and Adrian Neville on October 2nd NXT

WWE NXT Women’s Champion: Paige
– 124 day reign, defeated Emma on July 24th NXT to become inaugural Champion

NOTE: NXT Title reigns only count what has aired on TV, not when changes occur at tapings.

TNA Heavyweight Champion: VACANT
– title vacated by Dixie Carter when AJ Styles left the promotion as Champion

TNA World Tag Team Champions: The Bro-Mans
– 36 day reign, defeated James Storm and Gunner on October 20th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin
– 36 day reign, defeated former champion Manik, Jeff Hardy, Samoa Joe, and Austin Aries in an Ultimate X Match on October 20th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA Television Champion: Abyss
– 176 day reign, defeated Devon on June 2nd (Slammiversary PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Gail Kim
– 36 day reign, defeated former champion ODB and Brooke Tessmacher in a Triple Threat Match on October 20th (Bound For Glory PPV)

DeMarco has The World’s Most Dangerous Column.

Acero has The Wrestling 5&1.

Harder has The Professional 3.

Dino has Smart Marks.

In the latest After Dark, I preview Survivor Series, plus I talk about the potential of WWE Network, WWE focusing on TV over PPV, the inanity of Raw Country, and the long-awaited Miz heel turn!

And in Co-op Multi, it’s Week II of our continuing series as we examine the Console Launch Weekend, looking this time at the XBOne release. Did Microsoft’s console have any hardware issues at launch? Plus, Atlus countdowns to announcing something Persona-related, we start in on early Game of the Year deliberations, and also, something about Doctor Who, because they overpowered me somehow.

One Piece: Pirate Warriors 2 **COMING SOON**
Stealth, Inc.
The Last of Us
Call of Juarez: Gunslinger
Marvel Heroes
Hakuoki: Warriors of the Shinsengumi
Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon
Dragon Fantasy: Book One
Guacamelee!
BioShock Infinite
Dead or Alive 5 Plus
Generation of Chaos 6: Pandora’s Reflection
Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken
Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch
Earth Defense Force 2017 Portable

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Here it is, your Moment of Buddy.

What Are You Looking At?

For the record, he’s not being petted too hard, he’s doing that to himself.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.