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 411mania » Wrestling » Columns

The Side Russian News Sweep 12.11.13
Posted by Chris Pilkington on 12.11.2013

Hello sweepers and welcome to the weekly news article with a worse name than HBShizzle, the one and (thankfully) only Side Russian News Sweep. Are we all happy to be here? I don't want anybody complaining in the comments section later on that they meant to click on the "Six minutes of Rihanna twerking" video but ended up here by mistake. There seems to be a lot of that going around lately. This will be a slightly shorter Sweep than usual but I promise next weeks will be three hours long. People like three hour long wrestling shows right? Right?

Before I get to the good stuff, here's a few things I picked up from the comments section last week.

1, I spend a ridiculous amount of time each week trying to make this column as enjoyable and funny as possible. I hope I have a pretty decent success rate in doing just that. However, sometimes I wonder why I bother because for all the time and effort I put in, you guys always outdo me with your one liners. Xavier Woods as Sin Cobra Kai with a manager shouting "Sweep the leg!" beats anything I can come up with hands down.

2, On a related not, let me just reiterate my thanks for all your great feedback each week. I've been writing about wrestling for a decent amount of time now (just google my na...no, wrong gimmick) but I've never written for such a vocal audience before and I love it. I'm still waiting for all the negative stuff to start though. I feel like Randy Orton on Batista's shoulders just waiting for that thumbs up to turn into a thumbs down. Just drop me already you evil bastards!

3, Only one suggestion for the Chain Wrestling segment this week and I couldn't find the match, so the chain will have to run on to next week I'm afraid. Suggestions were way down this week. Is that because people couldn't think of an interesting link or are people just not as into the whole thing any more? In other words, do you want it to continue? Jason Andreas mentioned that we could perhaps do an indie only chain but I'm not sure if there's enough interest. Please let me know if you want this to continue.

4, Say what you will about #BadNewsBarrett , he's really got people talking.

Let's sweep!

Wrestlemania 31 has a home! The thirtieth anniversary of Wrestlemania (stupid Michael Cole) will emanate from The Levis Stadium deep in the heart of Silicone Valley. So many boob job jokes, so little time... Vince McMahon has promised that the event will be the most interactive experience in Wrestlemania history. By which he means you can use the WWE app to decide who The Miz will face on the pre-show. Who am I kidding? It's Kofi Kingston isn't it?

It appears that WWE have signed an English goalkeeper by the name of Stuart Tomlinson. The real story here though is whether we call him a former football player or a former soccer player because you KNOW that will cause a storm in a teacup. Plus, it's obviously football. Tomlinson was once described by a UK newspaper as "a fridge-freezer made out of meat." Not to be outdone, I'm going to start referring to him as a dishwasher made out of Planet Stasiak.

AJ Styles may very well be done with TNA. His contract extension is due to expire on December 16th and the two parties have failed to come to terms on a new deal. The interesting thing to me in all this is that AJ Styles Autobiography was put on hold back at the beginning of October. The publishing company said:

"After months of board meetings between VIP Ink Publishing, L.L.C. and A. J. Styles both sides have come to the agreement to slow down on the release date of the book due to waiting on copyright approvals, a few more interviews, as well as the timing of the match for the Heavy Weight Championship with Bully Ray. We feel that the fans deserve nothing but the very best and that is what we intend to give them."

Maybe all that is true, but wouldn't it be cool if Styles was delaying the book so that he could speak a little more candidly about his time in TNA? Perhaps, instead of the obligatory shoot interview, we might in fact be getting a shoot book! It's a long shot, I know, but I'd certainly be more inclined to check out the autobiography if that was the case.

The new WWE comic book is out today! I'm no comic book expert by any means but I'm legitimately interested in reading this. Mick Foley writing a noir-ish comic in which CM Punk and Undertaker form a street gang and Christian is a policeman? I'm in!

A new Ultimate Warrior match compilation DVD is on it's way. I actually got an advanced copy of that and I wasn't impressed by the quality at all. The footage shook and fast forwarded for the first twenty seconds or so and then blew up. Hunter Hearst Helmsley came around and tried to carry it but it was too late.

TNA Wrestling is currently running a poll on their website asking which wrestler deserves coal in their stocking this Christmas. Bully Ray is currently well in the lead. If they really wanted to upset him they should put Cole in his stocking. Or give him Cole in stockings. Vintage Christmas!

Does anybody else think that Zema Ion looks uncannily like Gok Wan?

Podcast of the Week

This week I bring to you the amazing OSW Review guys and the WCW Thunder episode in which David Arquette won the world title. OSW Review began life as a chronological critique of the WWF Hulk Hogan Rock and Wrestling era but the guys have continued and are now casting their eyes over the David Arquette trilogy. (Ready to Rumble, Thunder and Slamboree.)

Free (British) Wrestling

And now for something completely different. Instead of a match, this week I thought I'd include a video from the PC-Fiction guys. Davey Richards, Lufisto, Michael Elgin, Ultimo Dragon and Goldust all cameo in this one so be sure to check it out!

The Week in Pictures

Before I go, I leave you with news that police had to be called to Uno and Dos Conquistador's house after Uno accidentally recorded American Idol over Dos' wedding video.

CM Punk is not impressed

And finally, Drew Mcintyre inducts Mini Pacquiao into the boxing midget hall of fame.

(You didn't think I'd go a whole week without a midget did you?)

Final Thoughts.

Apologies again for the slightly briefer than usual column this week, Normal service will be resumed next week. In fact, there'll hopefully be a few bonus bits and pieces seeing as how the holidays are nearly upon us.

And just as fate is an ever twisting paradigm, sometimes you're a HBShizzle, sometimes you're a superstar of the year, but always remember that Cesaro is considerably better than you.


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