Welcome to The World's Most Dangerous Column, the Sunday home for your favorite 411Mania News Report's favorite 411Mania News Report!
This week I'm full of it—literally! And this column is full of bold (and not so bold) WWE Elimination Chamber predictions, as well as the return of Quick Hits!
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In the midst of The Road to WrestleMania, we're treated to a Triple H creation (more on that below!) called The Elimination Chamber. The Chamber match itself features six total competitors, four in pods on the outside while two start in the ring when the opening bell sounds.
The card also includes several other matches, like the much anticipated showdown between super trios The Shield and The Wyatt Family. Read below to find my bold predictions for Elimination Chamber, and remember—just because they're predictions doesn't mean they have a snowball's chance with Kane of coming true. That's why they're bold.
Cesaro Will Win The WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Assuming the WWE is hell bent on a) not putting Daniel Bryan in the WrestleMania main event, b) doing something (anything!) to stop the monstrous Yes! chants that would flood the WrestleMania world title match, and c) sticking it to CM Punk, the WWE will throw us all a curveball on Sunday night.
The placement of John Cena as "the gatekeeper" to the main event is telling, as it proves that the WWE is at least willing to try and promote new stars. Will it work? Will they stick to it? Only time will tell. But one great way to get it started is by taking the guy Cena just stamped in approval—Cesaro—and making him the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. A victory over Batista at ‘Mania could then lead to an entertaining summer rivalry with Cena, a man Cesaro hasn't beaten.
The booking allows Kane to screw Daniel Bryan, leading to the expected Bryan-Kane showdown along the Road, which should allow Bryan to earn his one-on-one match with Triple H.
Besides, do you really want to see Randy Orton and Batista in the main event at 'Mania?
Didn't think so.
The Shield vs. The Wyatt Family Will Happen In The Chamber, And Will Go On Last
Listen, the one thing the revelation of Triple H as the man with the vision behind the Elimination Chamber reminds us of is that Triple really wanted to see War Games in the WWE. What better for him to fulfill that vision than to have two teams battle it out in the Chamber.
Though not intentional, this match was built for these two trios. The numbers work out perfectly, and the fans would go nuts for it. It could be saved for WrestleMania XXX (or never happen at all), but how perfect would this be. The method is simple...
You have The Shield vs. The Wyatts start the show, which would make both the fans and the internet go nuts...on completely different ways. After some short-but-great action, it breaks down in a manner that no referee—or ring—can contain.
Enter "The Game,' Triple H.
Trips can announce that "the match may be over, but the war has only begun…and it will continue later on tonight. Inside the Elimination Chamber!"
And then we can all say but one thing: Holy Shit.
Jimmy and Jey Uso Will NOT Win The WWE Tag Team Championship
Furthering the WWE's misuse of tag teams—and Patrick O'Dowd's frighten accurate theory about said company's booking of said division—the right team will not win at Elimination Chamber.
Well, they might win, but they ain't leaving with the titles.
Be it a disqualification victory, or a countout victory, or a loss via nefarious means, the Usos (who are the future WWE Tag Team Champions of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD) won't win the titles at WWE Elimination Chamber.
However, their win (or cheap loss) will set things up for their ultimate showdown with the boss's buddies, likely in a Street Fight, at WrestleMania XXX.
Daniel Bryan Isn't The Only One Screwed By The Authority
Daniel Bryan getting screwed by The Authority is a great idea, if it leads to him beating Triple H at WrestleMania. But what about the man that constantly wonders if Triple H and Stephanie McMahon really have his best interests in mind, Randy Orton?
Recently, Kane announced that Brock Lesnar would be at The Elimination Chamber pay-per-view. Odd choice for an announcement if you ask me. But not as odd as Triple H bringing Lesnar back, like he did a few weeks ago. I can't see Lesnar cutting a deal with Triple H, but what about Paul Heyman, Lesnar's trusted advisor?
With the rumored shuffling of the WrestleMania card, what about a Randy Orton vs. Brock Lesnar match? Count me in.
Alberto Del Rio Will Beat Batista—Clean
It makes absolute perfect sense. Batista has gotten the better of Del Rio over the past few weeks, and it's time for Del Rio to get his heat back. What better way than at Elimination Chamber. Think about the possibilities—and the potential summer-long feud it sets up. It's perfect.
Okay, okay, even I'm not gonna try to pass that one off! Ain't no way in hell Del Rio is winning this match!
While it's fun to make these bold, borderline asinine predictions, I know you also want to see the real ones. So here goes it, and leave yours in the comments below!
Elimination Chamber Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Randy Orton (champion) vs. John Cena vs. Cesaro vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Christian vs. Sheamus
Winner: Daniel Bryan (new WWE World Heavyweight Champion)
The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns) vs. The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper & Erick Rowan)
Winners: The Wyatt Family
Batista vs. Alberto Del Rio
WWE Intercontinental Championship: Big E (champion) vs. Jack Swagger
Winner: Big E
WWE Tag Team Championship: The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg & Billy Gunn, champions) vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso
Winner: The Usos by DQ/Countout—that "bold prediction" was legit!
Darren Young vs. Titus O'Neil
Winner: Titus O'Neil
Kick Off Match: Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel
Winners: Cody & Goldie
A tradition started at the end of each point when I wrote The Wrestling 5&1, "You Decide!" is your chance to weigh in on a major question facing professional wrestling each week. Vote once per hour, and leave your opinions in the comments section!
Last week, I asked you to name the future of the WWE. Nearly 6000 votes later, you did!
This week, I have a question about WrestleMania XXX:
Given that Batista is in the main event of WrestleMania XXX, which Chamber participant would provide the best match against Batista? This may not be the person you want, or believe will face Batista. This is the man who would provide the best match alongside Batista in the WrestleMania XXX main event.
Voting closes Wednesday night!
Each week, I look at various newsbites from the week. I'll rate them using the propriety Believability Meter (patent pending), and might poke a little fun at them.
Okay, I'll poke a lot of fun!
Xavier Woods wants his own WWE Network show
Straight outta the "no shit" department, a WWE talent would like to have his own WWE Network show. Really? Couldn't see that one coming!
While not every WWE talent likely wants a show (I'm sure some would just rather wrestle), Woods should get one. The guy is mega talented, and entertaining to boot. Plus, his pitch "Xavier Woods WWE 2K14 World Tour" would be a great marketing tool for the WWE video game product.
Talent + marketing? I'm down, and the WWE should be as well.
Joey Ryan Has Words For A WWE Executive
Joey Ryan revealed the message he sent to a WWE executive in response to his tryout. The WWE apparently found he was too old and too experienced for NXT.
I do enjoy reading his email:
"I respect your opinion but I could not disagree more with it. My talents and abilities allow me to travel the world and make a full-time living in professional wrestling, which is not something that most WWE Superstars could do on their own. You have coaches in place that have never drawn a dime in their careers trying to determine who and who cannot draw money which is the true flaw in your system. I have had far more successful names in wrestling, some within WWE itself, rave about my creativeness, character acting and ability to engage an audience and your evaluators missed it. Perhaps it's time for you to reevaluate your evaluators. Good luck in finding your next big superstar."
I'm down with what Joey said, even if it could cost him in the end. A few months ago, Adam Pearce revealed that he had been paid by the WWE, TNA and ROH all in the same year. He later showed a screen cap (or retweeted one) of his name in the credits for the WWE video game. Pearce is also too old and too experienced to appear for the WWE, but could end up there (or with TNA) once his in-ring career is over. His email (now made public) pretty much solidifies that he won't ever have a job with the WWE, even when he's done wrestling. I get that he's frustrated, but we can't all be CM Punk. In fact, CM Punk couldn't "pull a CM Punk" until he had millions in the bank.
TNA Needs Volunteers for The Lockdown Fanfest! OMGLOLZ!!!
TNA's recruitment for Lockdown Fanfest volunteers was revealed this week, with those volunteering receiving tickets to the event. I loved seeing this, because it's commonplace among any type of entertainment themed convention , INCLUDING WWE Axxess! Yet the internet immediately ripped it to shreds, because a) it was TNA, and b) we're the only ones who know less than Dave Meltzer.
There's nothing wrong
Triple H Says He Invented The Elimination Chamber
I'm not running an "IWC WTF" section this week, but if the above point wasn't a shoo-in, this one should be! Triple H reveals that he invented the match, and the internet shits a collective brick.
"What? NO! Triple H can't possibly be responsible for something we like!"
From "The Game" himself"
"I'm the one who invented it. I drew a square cage and put four other squares in the corners. And I said, ‘It's six guys. Two start and every few minutes, another cage opens and one more guys enters the fight, and everyone fights until there's one guy left.' I thought it could be interesting because, if the Superstars involved have issues, then there's intrigue.
In typical WWE form, it was twice as big as I envisioned it and twice as elaborate. We don't do anything small, so I should have known better. When I stood in it for the first time, I thought, ‘Jeez. Please don't tell anybody this was my idea!'"
Now, the criticism includes that it was Eric Bischoff (he was the storyline one), or that WWE Production pulled it off. And the latter might be true—Triple H even eluded to it himself. His description of his original drawing is in fact nothing like the current incarnation, and he himself says it was bigger and more elaborate than he even envisioned.
So, uhhh, why is this so hard to believe again?
Rey Mysterio's deal set to expire in two months
Rey Mysterio's deal with the WWE is expiring, y'all! Is this a big deal? Yes. To the hardcore fan, Rey isn't a top flight WWE superstar, but to the casual observer he's actually grown into an iconic figure. He's always been a top merchandise seller, but the last few years of his career have been mired in injury. I actually hope Rey calls it quits after WrestleMania XXX, or Extreme Rules.
What this means for the WWE is a need to replace Rey, and fast. They already have the character in place, with Sin Cara. He's an even bigger merchandise draw than Rey at this point, they just don't seem to behind the man under the mask. Maybe that needs to change? Last week I pointed to Kalisto as a man who has an amazing WWE future, and a lot of that was due to the mask (and the merch that goes with it). In the mean time, you have Sin Cara. If Adrian Neville impresses at NXT Arrival, could he be a candidate for Sin Cara? Could Hunico permanently fill the role?
I don't know the answers to these questions, but I imagine Rey will be under a legends contract before too long, preparing for his 2015 Hall of Fame induction.
Cesaro's match with John Cena was quite popular backstage
The word on the street is the Cesaro's match with John Cena from RAW on Monday was met with tremendous praise, and Cesaro received a standing ovation in the back.
Is this true? I dunno—I wasn't there!
What I do know is that Cesaro was given a major opportunity, and he made the most of it. I'd give him a grade of 100%, A+. I'd go so far as to predict he won over the most important man he needed to win over—John Cena—in the process.
I doubt Cesaro gets a singles match at ‘Mania. With all the part-timers rumored to appear, he might be relegated to a multi-man or multi-team match. But don't worry—he'll shine in the match.
Will he turn into 2014's Dolph Ziggler? Who knows. But as of today, he isn't that just yet.
CIMA pulled from DGUSA shows—no Japan talent advertised
Dragon Gate USA announced that CIMA—the only advertised Japanese talent advertised for this weekend, couldn't make it due to a "back injury."
Now, those quotes will get me in trouble with some people, but I have to do it. I'd call it a "bank injury," because that's probably more accurate.
Look, he was the only Japanese talent advertised to begin with. What's so Dragon Gate about that?
Take a look at the Japanese talent listed for the first ever DGUSA card, titled "Open The Historic Gate:" Yamato, BxB Hulk, Dragon Kid, Masato Yoshino, CIMA, Susumu Yokosuka, Naruki Doi and Shingo.
This is a damn roster!
Take a look at the Japanese talent listed for this weekend's DGUSA cards:
Now, I'm not saying that Dragon Gate USA is a bad promotion—they aren't. But they're just like CZW—just another indy. There is nothing special about DGUSA anymore. I own the first show, I bought the DVD the day it came out. It's an awesome show, and I was so excited about the potential this promotion had. Now? It's just a Gabe Sapolsky independent promotion, not nearly as good as PWG or ROH.
Sorry—but it's true. Have you seen the crowds or Evolve and DGUSA? They're terrible. The shows are spotty at best, and there's no way they're making money. If you're Dragon Gate proper, why send talent over anymore? There's nothing to gain, those 100 fans aren't new fans flocking to the internet to order your product. If they do, they were gonna do it anyway.
So this weekend's DGUSA cards will be good—even great—especially that Johnny Gargano vs. Trent Baretta match. But they ain't anything special.
DGUSA stopped being special a long time ago. And it's a damned shame.
What news jumped out at you this week?
In wrestling today, there is no show quite like Raw. Giving us moments and memories that we will cherish forever, and some we'd rather not ever recall again. This space is the chance to look back in time, each week, to a Raw memory.
Time for an instant classic! (No, not Christian.) Monday saw the highest profile match of Cesaro's career, and he made the most of it. See it again!
Will Cesaro get a legit push, or will he be "Ziggler'd?"
Have a match or a moment you'd like to see here?
Leave your suggestions in the comments below!
I got to hang out with a #DeMarcette earlier in the week (be jealous), so she gets this spot! #Lucky7 Allie Parker!
Follow Allie on Twitter at @theeallieparker!
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