The Heel Report: 03.22.14: Abused But Happy

This is the Heel Report. A weekly chart spanning from Wednesday’s Main Event to next Monday’s Raw, ranking the heels in professional wrestling based on their actions, wins and losses.

Each Week there are ten places, with points out of ten awarded based on these positions. These points are then added to a rolling chart that will continue each week to show who is wrestling’s overall top heel, after 100 weeks naming the reigning wrestler a ‘Heel Centurion’.

This is a place where the heels of wrestling can be praised for all the hard work they do trying to get us all to hate them (or in other words the smarkiest chart of smarkdom ever to smark), so without further ado let’s get on with the report…

1st Place: The Authority

The stakes were once again raised this week as HHH has made it so that no matter who wins in his match with Daniel Bryan there will be a triple threat main event for the WWE world title. Can we really believe that HHH would screw over all the fans to put himself in the position to become champion again? Well actually yes we can, it is kind of his thing actually. Personally I would still bet on Bryan winning and going onto the triple threat but it is certainly something up for debate, after all the title aside wouldn’t it make sense for HHH to want to see three of the four Evolution members in the main event for Wrestlemania XXX? Not only proving that the two men he chose as protégés were the right guys for the job, but also that he himself is still relevant in the main event picture.

But egos aside everyone must know that the better story here is the eventual triumph of Daniel Bryan, and with this HHH can easily claim that he was instrumental in putting the newest star in the WWE over, taking a bit of the spotlight and acclaim for himself in the process. Whatever the case this week was pretty interesting for the Authority and I certainly have no problem with the Game laying waste to Bryan while handcuffed. If Bryan had simply been taken out while they were face to face it would have been another issue, but now it looks like HHH can’t beat Bryan without being underhanded, and the beating was so brutal that you have to believe that his character sees Bryan as a threat.

The interactions between Stephanie and Hunter were also interesting as they must have been feigning dissension, but at the same time the things she said about controlling the company go towards provoking her father into action, as well as HHH mentioning him in the opening promo about how in this business you can only rely on yourself. This makes me wonder if the Chairman of the Board will make his presence known at Wrestlemania, potentially to help Daniel Bryan out, but who knows.

I really hope in the lead up to the match at Mania that The Authority stays heel and doesn’t try any more of this ‘tweener’ stuff. As it goes the events of earlier in the night and then in the main event before the beat down occurred are not so troubling as while they painted HHH in a more face-like light, the end of Raw showed that it was all a ruse to confuse Daniel Bryan before lowering the boom, so it is all good. And sure some of what HHH said might have been a shot at C.M. Punk, but you have to believe that the respect for Bryan he was talking about was at least partially accurate, and if that is the case then maybe Punk walking out actually did achieve something, since it is possible that this whole thing really did help Bryan at least get a shot at the main event, rather than being placed in some throwaway match on the card with the Celtic Warrior.

2nd Place: The Shield

Are the Shield faces? Personally I don’t believe so, at least not just yet. I may be wrong about this but just because they attacked Kane doesn’t mean that they have turned on the Authority, no matter what the Big Red Corporate Machine says. My personal speculation is that Kane was the one who let the ‘Occupy Raw’ moment happen, he was trying to pin it on Lawler but the Authority knows that is rubbish and that he was the one who caused it. This makes sense with how the Shield said that they ‘knew their mission’ for the evening and why they said it in such a suspicious way. The only problem is the question of why this was not revealed on Raw itself, then again they might be saving that for another time when the Shield appears to be helping Bryan and then turn on him for the Authority.

At the moment it is still not completely clear what the WWE’s plans are for the Shield at Wrestlemania, although a match involving Kane is likely, but then the Andre the Giant Battle Royal also beckons, although they could easily do both. Whatever the WWE is planning with the Shield I am certainly intrigued since if they somehow are actual faces now it makes less sense to break them up as they are free to explore another side of the group that it would be a shame to miss out on with a breakup, which up until now seemed inevitable.

There is a likelihood that at least one of the members will turn if they go forward as faces, most likely Ambrose, backstabbing the other two. Either way I am certainly still a fan, although I will certainly be sad if this is indeed the last week that the Shield will appear on the chart *tear*.

3rd Place: The Wyatt Family

Plastic girlfriend? Too far Bray, too far. Although it’s not like Cena disagreed. But shock horror, Bray’s words might have spoilt the cliffhanger from last week’s Total Divas! This feud still feels like it has to build up some steam, but maybe that is because I am used to Cena-Rock promos at this point where they are the focus of the show, rather than this year where Cena’s feud is stuck seemingly at the middle or perhaps even at the opening of the card.

Despite its potential placement however I expect this match to be at least pretty decent, and win or lose this should provide a good showing for Bray, especially if he wins and with the attitude Cena seems to have right now of seeking to embellish his legacy by putting newer guys over before he assumes ‘legend’ status himself that is actually at least somewhat likely.

You should never bet against Cena but in this type of situation where Bray has Harper and Rowan to interfere on his behalf there is a good possibility that he could win after a massive outside beat down, although the triumphant face proving Bray wrong probably makes more sense in the storytelling. However if Bray wins it might be better to extend the feud, which would make sense going into Extreme Rules at least, I certainly wouldn’t mind to see a bit more of Cena vs. Bray since they still seem to have barely scratched the surface so far.

4th Place: AJ Lee

AJ competed in the longest ever divas title match this week on main event, and is the longest reigning divas champion, as well as having defended the title on dozens of occasions, all of which would be a lot more impressive if the division had ever actually been focused on enough to gain any real level of prestige. Still with most divisions going to the dogs these days there is still something to be said for getting as much time as they did for the match, and it was a pretty decent match at that, and probably would have meant a hell of a lot more if there was some real build towards it, instead of it being just yet another miscellaneous divas title match.

We also got to see another step towards AJ vs. Tamina, although if this will lead to a singles title match is up for debate. First off I’m not sure Tamina has anywhere near enough of a following to be any kind of meaningful challenger and at the same time Naomi is really due her shot at the title as well. I’m guessing that whoever is the challenger or challengers are, they will end up having a Wrestlemania pre-show match. Possibly they will get a placeholder position on the card but what I am most surprised by is that there is no Maria Menounos match jimmied in for no reason this year, but we can only hope.

5th Place: Randy Orton

There is a new debate raging in the WWE, who is the more disliked former Evolution member; Orton or Batista. It is too close to call but for me I actually have more sympathy for Orton right now, even though heel Batista used to be a great presence in the WWE, he has so far not done too much to gain my attention past his first attempt to turn. Also though I may be being comforted by the knowledge that there is no way in hell that Orton is leaving Wrestlemania with the title, so he is far less offensive.

In all this Orton has almost felt like a passive spectator, which is a shame since he is currently at the head of the Rolling Chart, but in all this HHH has been stealing the heel spotlight from afar, and now Batista is positioned to outshine the youngest world champion as well. Although at least Orton managed to get an RKO in on Batista this week, before losing to Bryan and then getting Batista Bombed through the mat. It was a small revenge, but on principle I respect it more.

6th Place: Ethan Carter

EC3 has been continuing to have a key role in the Impact broadcast as the weeks go by, and might even be getting more air time now that Dixie isn’t around to hog all the limelight. Although, he seems to be entering into a feud with Bobby Lashley, which probably won’t end well for the guy. Then again given Lashley’s last TNA run he may be gone just as soon and suddenly as he reappeared this time so maybe the guy will catch a break.

Whatever happens Carter has already had a better career in TNA than he had in WWE as Derrick Bateman so it is a win for him. Then again if he had managed to hang around for long enough he might have been able to come in as an attachment to or a foil for Daniel Bryan, although that is pretty unlikely. What he needs now is for another legend to come back and be willing to put him over, but outside of Booker T I can’t think who would take up the task.

7th Place: Rockstar Spud

The former chief of staff has his own role to play in the company, although admittedly it is a lot less prestigious one. He plays the fool so well that it is hard not to root for him. Maybe that is because I admire his chipper English spirit, or maybe it is because he keeps on telling himself he is a lion when he is clearly a little yapping dog, then again what is the difference?

I wonder if there will ever be a time when Spud is not going to play the sacrificial lamb in the ring. I’m tempted to say that it is his role for life but anything is possible in professional wrestling, who knows, a year from now he might be contending for the TNA title, although it is still up for debate if it will be believable like Austin Aries, or a pointless exercise like Chris Sabin.

8th Place: The Real Americans

The WWE seem a little confused at the moment as to what they are doing with their teams, the Rhodes, the Shield and the Real Americans, all are threatening dissension but then now are apparently on the same page again. It almost seems like WWE creative planned three separate team breakups for Wrestlemania, realised that was ridiculous and so decided to cancel a couple, but in a miscommunication cancelled all three, but whatever.

Or alternatively they realised too late that they were supposed to be rebuilding the tag team division and if they break up all the teams in the division they wouldn’t exactly be achieving this goal, either way, well done WWE.

9th Place: Batista

The Animal took his kayfabe ball and went home this week, but you have to wonder how much real frustration he has over the situation since if I returned as arguably a bigger star than before, and then got shafted as much as Batista did from his big return, especially when compared to the Rock, then I would be pretty beefed.

Then again he is in the main event at Wrestlemania, so win or lose he can’t really complain too much.

10th Place: Christian

Captain Charisma got a small measure of revenge over Sheamus this week after his match by delivering a Kill Switch to the Celtic Warrior on the floor. I am almost glad for Christian that he is in the Andre the Giant Battle Royal instead of a singles match against Sheamus, because I just can’t see what he would gain from such, unless he was going to somehow win, but I very much doubt that would happen.

(Week 036)

1. Randy Orton (189)

2. Bully Ray (120)

3. HHH (103)

4. Dixie Carter (98)

5. Bray Wyatt (97)

6. AJ Lee (92)

7. Dean Ambrose (88)

8. Alberto Del Rio (86)

9. Roman Reigns (78)

10. Robert Roode (75)

Heel Centurions:

That’s all for this week, Wrestlemania is fast approaching and the card is starting to take shape, and now that the WWE have properly addressed the problems with the match for the title the event looks to be a lot more interesting. Before I go I should mention the John Cena interview posted on this site on Wednesday, this was probably the best promo I have seen Cena give in a long time, it sold the match and explained why it was so important to him, more importantly he wasn’t being overly serious or jovial, instead he sounded real, something he has been lacking for a long time. If we get more of this from Cena in the future then I might actually change my mind about him, you can check it out here. This is James Wright signing up.