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 411mania » Wrestling » Columns

The Wrestling 5&1: Kelly Kelly vs Alicia Fox
Posted by Tony Acero on 08.10.2014

Hello and welcome back to The Wrestling 5&1! I spent way too many days in Vegas last week, and I think my sweat is now 45% alcohol. It was fun, and there were Brock Lesnar ads everywhere, spelling the possibility of a new champ in the near future. Not much happened this past week or so with regards to news. I was all but ready to write about Del Rio's recent firing, but I have dishes to wash.

What Kind of Fan Are You?

In every fandom, there are certain…levels of intensity that fans adhere to. Whether it be comics or tv shows, there are varieties of fans that come from all over to express their love for the product in one way or another. Wrestling, in particular, tends to have a mixed bag of nuts called fans that never fail to disappoint. WWE, TNA, ECW, or any indy show will have numerous examples of fans, none of which mirror each other completely, but there are still some that tend to stand out amongst the others and I figured it'd be as good a time as any to list the top five. There are others, and I encourage you to list some below.

The Know-It-All Guy
This is the guy who reads sites just like this and obsesses over information. He is not the wrestling almanac friend that some of us know, however. Mr. Almanac has information that is knowledgeable and some what interesting. For example, Harry Broadhurst is an encyclopedic headcase with tons of information that could be used and has merit. No, the guy I'm referring to is essentially Meltzer-lite. I recall vividly a guy reading 411mania.com at a bar minutes before a PPV and attempting to tell me, and the group around me, that such and such is going to win. He, of course, knew this due to a friend on "the inside." He was reading a news blurb from 411mania, which I could see on his phone, and the rumor (as per usual) was simply that. I believe the PPV was a Summerslam at least five years ago, and can't really recall the rumor in question, but this is just one instance.

Indy shows carry this guy all over the place. You know, he knows the Young Bucks – went to school with them – and even taught them how to Superkick. He is aware of real names and isn't afraid to shout them out loudly, or address the wrestlers as such. He calls moves by their Japanese names, and will make fun of you if you do not. He isn't afraid to drop knowledge to questions you never asked, and if you're lucky enough to have him sit next to you at a show, you're going to have a hell of a lot of useless information that may or may not be true.

The Get Myself Over Guy
This guy does nothing throughout the entire show except attempt to get himself over in the most asinine way possible. He will heckle, he will make unfunny jokes, he will scream things that have nothing to do with the match at hand such as "TOAST! ER! STRUDDLE!" with the hopes for a group of people that couldn't care less about him will give him a few quick chuckles. There are these types in abundance, but it takes a true Superstar to try and outshine the guys in the ring. The true Get Myself Over Guy will say things he wouldn't be caught dead saying in the street, and will repeat himself if he feels he wasn't heard because his jokes are HI-LARRY-US! This guy will walk in with three replica belts on, the markiest of t-shirts, and most likely will have a beard. The more beer he drinks, the less coherent he is, and the more annoying he will become.

The Snowflake Guy
This guy is most likely a Know-It-All Guy as much as anything. The difference is the level of merit he thinks he holds versus what he actually holds. This guy will actually bring a notepad to the match, or be quick to upload to his 45 followers just how good or bad of a match he just witnessed. Whether it's the big stage, and he's in the 400 level of the arena, or it's a high school gym and he's one chair away from the ring, he's sure to throw some stars up on the interwebz, and will argue till death his standings. Worse than simply posting online, however, he will verbally express these snowflakes to you, ESPECIALLY if he doesn't know you. Of course, we can look to the Raw Report itself for unnecessary ratings on a match that's displayed on television, and you could draw a comparison. But if it were a true comparison, just imagine sitting next to Tony Acero at a show and having him say after every AJ Match "Five stars right there. Technically sound, and wonderfully executed. Five Fuckin Stars, brah." Not fun, guys…

The Funny Guy
Not all fans are bad fans. Case in point, The Funny Guy. Whereas The Get Myself Over Guy will do everything in his power to draw attention towards him, The Funny Guy actually adds to the overall experience and match. Take the most recent PWG show, where I sat just three seats down from a red-headed, sweaty-shirt wearing hilarious fan. Nearly every comment was in regards to the match, and allowed me to get into it that much more. The ref of one match was making mistakes continually, to the point where it was annoying. At one point in the match, he notices a foot on the ropes and stops the pin. The Funny Guy is quick to shout, "Look who got a fucking rulebook for Christmas!" This wasn't an attempt to draw attention to him, it was a critique on the very choreographed match, and his comments throughout the night could even be considered markish, as he dove right into kayfabe and cheered the shit out of his favorite, only to cry foul when he lost. Oh, it was all in good fun, and wherever you are, ya big lug, I thank you.

The I Brought My Girlfriend Guy
THIS fresh-faced fuck right here…As with most Guys, this doesn't constitute just one blanketed group, but a special type within the group. I know guys who have brought girlfriends to shows. Hell, Michael Ornelas recently took his beloved to a show with us, and although she didn't have the time of her life, she was still very much into it and good times were had. The Guy I'm talking about, however, is the one who holds his lady like a championship belt, and assumes that the 500+ other guys in the room are staring at his girlfriend, who is about as cute as a condom wrapper, instead of Candice Larae. Newsflash, bub, we're not looking, nor could we care about her – and it's highly unlikely she is there as a fan, as she is more likely simply trying to get out of a blowjob.

This guy will eye-fuck your face with the assumption that you're checking out his "bae" who is busy texting someone else until Joey Ryan walks out with his cock-glory in her face, and she is suddenly interested. What's worse is that when this moment happens, said boyfriend is all excited and jubilated that Ryan pays attention to "him" (read: his girlfriend), that he will Instagram the hell out of that moment. Oh, you sad, sad, patron of wrestling. Make no mistake about it, this isn't solely about the girlfriend coming with the said Guy, but rather his attitude towards other fans simply because of it.

Your Turn: Which Guy are you?! Which Guy have you seen at shows?

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In a blatant excuse to include AJ in the column, a story broke out that the ruling behind AJ keeping her job regarding the Beadle thing was allegedly up to Vince McMahon. Of course, it's a Meltzer Moment, so who can say for sure if a) it's true or b) it matters. Still, here's the report copied directly from a copied report, which was copied from some other place:

"A.J. wasn't safe at all. There was a reason she wasn't fired and it had nothing to do with Punk being her boyfriend nor how good a performer she was, although her star power did play into it.

"The decision was made to fire her but Vince overruled it because he saw the big picture. It's very complicated, but in that issue, Vince was savvy way beyond those underneath him and saw what would happen long-term and made the big picture smart call. If that happened now, the situation would be the same and she wouldn't be fired for the same reason. Her being fired for that specific incident would have caused a chain of events to happen next that Vince thought would do the company more harm than good. There is no guarantee he was right in how he thought it would play out but it was far more foresight than is usually exhibited in these situations."

So, apparently, AJ was close to getting the ax, and I'm glad she did not. Would you, as a woman (because there are so many of you reading, want to chew out a girl who called your man a "fuckface," even if in jest?) Honestly, I'm glad she didn't get fired. I'd have to do a lot of deep tissue massages to make her feel better, and I'm a writer…I have soft hands.

Your Turn: Should AJ have been fired?

Looks like the Flavor of the Month only lasts for about a month, because last week, Lana went against Trish and…lost! I regained some faith in you guys, as I truly thought this section of the column was simply a popularity contest. I was proven wrong, as it seems our "just hit puberty" selves couldn't let go of the power of the Stratus! This week, we see two new girls enter the arena, as we give two newbs a chance to enter….

And now…..

Voting ends Wednesday night and you can vote once every hour!

The Curious Case of Damien Sandow?
by Harry Broadhurst

Most of us have done this at some point. Let's imagine that we are the owner of a major wrestling promotion. More specifically, a certain major organization that's based in Connecticut. Now, let's imagine that we have a relatively young heel on our hands, who in addition to being a serviceable hand inside of the ring, can also cut a promo like no-one's business. So you push this young heel. You give him every opportunity to make an impact and more times then not, he does. You give him a shot at the biggest title in the company and while he doesn't win the match, he more then holds his own. So, tell me, how does this particular person go from that much potential to this..

I refer of course to one Damien Sandow. The man who became a darling to the internet audience with both his wit and his sense of timing inside of the ring. The same one who became the scourge of the type of fans they want to have irritated by him with his overall sense of superiority. He was a guy who we thought figuratively had the WWE in the palm of his hands. He held the Money in the Bank briefcase, which up to that point basically guaranteed that he was a future champion. He was engaged in one of the most well thought out mid-card feuds in his battles with former "Rhodes Scholars" partner Cody Rhodes. Little did he know, the world was about to crashing down around him.

I am a huge fan of Damien Sandow's work and have been since he came into the WWE. But even I have to question what caused him to go from being "Mr. Money in the Bank" in 2013 to "Mr. Border Patrol" in 2014. What caused him to go from being part of the hottest mid-card feud of 2013 to dressing as LeBron James in Miami for the cheap heat and getting pinned by the Great Khali in eleven seconds. How the mighty have fallen indeed. My hope is that this is some kind of cruel initiation process that will eventually lead to Sandow's ascension back up to the top of the mid-card at the very least, if not higher. The problem here is that I am worried about them taking another hot young hand (much like they did Zach Ryder back in late 2011) and devaluing him to the point that frankly noone cares anymore. I'm one of his more adamant supporters. Now, even I begin to question, what's the point? Is Damien Sandow someone the WWE will want at the top of the cards going forward? And if he is, will the fans care enough anymore for him to be taken serious enough to stay there?

Your Turn: Do you like Sandow's current direction?

Ashley Massarro is our And1 Model of the Week!!!

About the author:

Tony Acero is currently a student at Cal State University of Long Beach. He is double-majoring as a Creative Writing and Literature major. His first book, Through The Looking Glass, was published in April, 2012. School's Out is a short story that found the author arrested due to the severity of its content. Both can be found on amazon.com.

Tony joined 411Mania in April 2010, and currently contributes in both music and wrestling. Tony is an avid drinker of Mountain Dew and Jack Daniels. He is a writer who hardly takes himself seriously, yet has an innate ability to create moments that are both human yet fearful in his writings.

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Greg DeMarco is a graduate of Virginia Tech (Bachelor's in Business Management) and Arizona State (Master's in Higher & Post-Secondary Education). He works in online higher education. Greg started in improv comedy in 2001, making his stand-up debut in 2004.

Greg first appeared as a ring announcer for Rising Phoenix Wrestling in Phoenix Arizona in 2006 and served many promotions in both on-stage and back-stage roles for over six years, most notably Ring of Honor in 2010. He began writing for 411Mania in October 2010, founded The Greg DeMarco Show in May 2011 and opened WrestlingSmash.com (and Wrestling Smash Radio) in January 2013.

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Until next week...


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