News From Cook’s Corner 12.29.05
Posted by Steve Cook on 12.29.2005
Not a lot going on, but if you want to find out who OWNED 2005, you’ll click here!
All right, all right, all right…welcome to the second Thursday edition of News From Cook's Corner. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas or are having a good Hanukkah or Festivus or whatever you're celebrating this time of the year. We've got a couple of things worth talking about, maybe, so let's get right to it.
Opening Thoughts
I got a bunch of cool stuff for Christmas, including various wrestling DVDs that I will probably end up mentioning over the next couple of weeks. I watched the Bret Hart Story earlier this week and it was quite an interesting DVD set with some very good matches. If you're wondering what I think about his take on Montreal against other people's, you're asking the wrong person because I decided a long time ago to not base my opinion of wrestlers on petty backstage gossip or who's a nice guy or whatever. Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels have both entertained me over the years, and I don't give a rat's ass what they think about each other. I don't care who's right or who's wrong, and I'd rather they shut the hell up about it and move on.
On a related note, I hated Raw this week. Vince verbally jerking himself off at the end of the show made no sense and would have been much more appropriate eight years ago. They ditched the coolest aspect of the "Beat The Clock" thing from last year, which was the fact that the opponents of the EC guys could take their spots with a victory. I was so hoping that Chavo Guerrero could get in over Chris Masters and maybe help the match get interesting, but nooooooooooo. And who the hell did Victoria piss off backstage? My guess is either she didn't want to go to Afghanistan or she turned down Vince's request for some nookie.
I missed last Friday's Smackdown. There's a long story behind that, but I will say that it wouldn't take much to get me out of the house during a "Best of Smackdown in 2005" show.
Christopher Daniels vs. Samoa Joe in a 30 minute Iron Man match? ROH knows how to keep me happy.
While watching Impact on Monday night I figured out why Traci has the problem of people not looking at her eyes and looking at something else instead…
See, her face is almost completely covered by her hair, making it just about impossible for one to look at her eyes. So they look just below the hair like Christian's doing there…it makes sense to me.
What?
You know, there's really nothing going on this week worth talking about. It's all due to a deadly combination: lack of news and the fact that I'd rather spend time with my Christmas presents than work on anything. I'm sure you guys understand that, and hopefully when stuff starts happening again I'll be more excited about it. Obviously people know about my new Thursday spot and want to keep me from getting even further up on the food chain, so they give me less to work with.
WWE news
Booker T will apparently be out for 4-6 weeks due to a pulled groin muscle suffered at a Smackdown house show on Monday night. When asked about Booker's groin pull, Bret Hart replied that it was a groin pull the likes that he'd never seen in his life.
In case you're wondering where Gregory Helms has been, he went off TV so he could grow a beard. When he returns he'll be going after Jerry Lawler in a feud that is sure to draw lots of money.
Ric Flair has been told by his attorneys not to discuss his current legal issues, which is the reason why he's been kept off the microphone in recent weeks. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't subjected to Edge talking instead.
The Team Spirit gimmick, a creation of the remarkably with the times Vince McMahon, has already undergone some changes, as Elijah Burke requested to management that he not be involved in it. He's hoping that something better will come along. Something better will probably come along, but if I had to guess it won't be for Elijah Burke. I'm guessing the whole "turning down a spot" thing won't go over well with WWE. Mike Mondo is likely to take his place.
There are conflicting reports on the status of Charlie Hass, but most reports say that Haas will not be returning to WWE anytime soon. Haas left on bad terms with WWE writer Dave Lagana and has bashed him in many interviews. The Wrestling Observer reports that he is coming back, so who knows what to believe on this story.
Contrary to previous rumors, there are no plans to have Batista vs. Kane main event No Way Out. And thank God for that.
Matt Hardy has gotten into trouble recently due to his refusal to take a choke slam from Undertaker at the Survivor Series when he was kicking the entire roster's ass. This is rumored to have led to his loss to JBL at Armageddon, and it's also been suggested that Hardy was being punished at Survivor Series because he won the voting for Taboo Tuesday, ruining WWE's planned teaming of Rey Mysterio & JBL for the show. It seems obvious to me…the Internet is to blame for Matt Hardy's downfall!
Super Crazy & Psicosis are practically begging WWE management to split them off from Juventud, who apparently becomes a bigger heat magnet in the locker room every week. Did anybody not see something like this happening a mile away?
In case you were wondering who was behind the Tim White suicide stuff, send your complaints to Brian Gerwitz and Stephanie McMahon. Or Csonka, because they were reading his news column when they got the idea.
There are no plans to have Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon or anything else involving the actual Bret Hart in any way, so you message board people can quit talking about it and devote your time to things more important, like wrestlers' sex lives.
Rumor has it that Chuck Palumbo might be making a return to WWE. This has a lot to do with his brother being one of the top officers over in Afghanistan. Hopefully it won't lead to a lame feud with Kurt Angle, but I wouldn't be surprised if that's where they went with it.
René Dupree's WWE career may be in jeopardy, according to a report in the Wrestling 365 Newsletter. He has out of action the last couple of months with a recurring hernia problem. He had surgery a few weeks back but it was unsuccessful as the hernia came back. Having a pain in the ass is never a good thing, and hopefully Dupree will get well soon.
Was it just me, or did that dance he always did seem like how a man would dance with a hernia?
TNA news
According to the Wrestling Observer, the Carter family entered into negotiations with Morphoplex, who is interested in purchasing their controlling interest in TNA. The Carters turned down an offer of $20 million dollars, which would cover their losses over the last three years due to TNA costs and expenses. Whether these negotiations are over or not depend on how interested Morphoplex is in owning TNA.
I really dislike ratings news, but when there's nothing else to talk about that's what I do. I did find it fairly interesting that the Christmas Eve edition of Impact got a .9 rating. Even I had to catch the replay on Monday due to other arrangements, so it was surprising to me that the ratings for Impact did not go down like WWE ratings tend to go down when there is a holiday. We'll see how they do this Saturday with their New Year's Eve special.
To update a story from last week, Samoa Joe is currently in negotiations with TNA regarding his contract. Both sides are happy with how things are going, and there is no reason to believe that Joe would be leaving any time soon. This is very good news.
We're skipping the "Other wrestling news" section because there really is no other wrestling news I feel like talking about. Xavier and the Outcast Killaz just don't interest me…my deepest apologies.
Who Owned This Year?
For the record, I started doing the "Who Owned Last Week?" section of the column on April 17th. So there is the possibility that these results would have been skewed had I been able to do the section all year. However, things happen, and here are the people that owned this year according to me.
Honorable Mention: Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels & Chris Sabin (4 weeks)
With appearances in July, August, September and November, Angle managed to spread himself out pretty well since his move to Raw, and would have fared better if he hadn't spent most of the year in ridiculous storylines involving bestiality and cheap heat. Jericho had a strong run in June, July and August during his feud with John Cena, where he took things up a notch. Michaels was especially good during his feud with Hulk Hogan, where he single handedly carried a non-existent Hulkster during an entertaining conflict. Sabin usually appears after having a surprisingly good showing with one of TNA's more pushed talents, and he could get higher on the list next year.
3rd Place: John Cena & Eddie Guerrero (5 weeks)
Cena had 2 appearances in May during his feud with JBL, and an appearance during June, October and December. Of course, getting pushed as the top guy will help you do ok in this contest, but you gotta bring something to the ring to excel. It also probably helped Cena that I was praising him to even out the unjust bitching of some internet marks. Eddie had a pretty strong run of ownage during his heel run in May and June before WWE made his feud with Rey Mysterio about the custody of Dominick. His last appearance was in the September 11th edition, which he earned for finally beating Mysterio and ending that feud.
2nd Place: Chris Benoit (6 weeks)
It should be noted for the record that JP Prag gave Benoit one of the placements during his fill-in week. Nevertheless, Benoit had a solid year, not one of his best years but a year with enough shining moments to get props from your humble correspondent. He appeared once in June, once in July, once in August, once in October, once in November and once in December, showing more consistency than anybody else this year. However, there was one person who could best the Rabid Wolverine for top honors for 2005 ownage…
1st Place: Samoa Joe (7 weeks)
Joe was very streaky in his ownage. He appeared 3 times in the month of July and then disappeared until October 23rd. If I remember correctly, I decided to start praising other people than Joe after his July streak because I didn't want one person to be dominating this section of the column. He then came back with a vengeance in October, November and December, appearing in the last two weeks awarded this year to get the top spot for owning the most weeks that I did this feature of the column. And in case you're wondering if I did that on purpose or not, I came up with this idea Monday night to fill space. So there. This does help justify my vote for Samoa Joe for Wrestler of the Year in 2005 though.
Other multiple week winners: Steve Austin, Batista, Matt Bentley, Traci Brooks, Christian Cage, Carlito, Daivari, Christopher Daniels, Ric Flair, Matt Hardy, Heidenreich, Mr. Kennedy, John Bradshaw Layfield, Maria, Vince McMahon, William Regal, Rhino, Big Show, AJ Styles, Booker T & Tazz
Join me in a year when we find out who owned 2006! That is, assuming I still have a job here by then…
This Week in Wrestling History
January 4, 1997 – WWF Shotgun Saturday Night debuts at the Mirage Nightclub in New York City. It was a new concept for the WWF and for televised wrestling in general, as they had these late night shows at various night clubs and locations in New York City. Unfortunately I didn't get this show when it first started airing, so I missed classic moments like Terry Funk calling Vince McMahon a "Yankee bastard" long before Vince became the evil asshole on TV we know today. Jim Cornette had an interesting trip to a public restroom with Mini Vader that he still remembers fondly to this day. Marlena showed her assets to the Sultan to get Goldust the victory, something that never happened on Raw or Superstars. There was also a memorable moment where Undertaker tombstone piledrove Hunter Hearst Helmsly on an escalator.
So I was pretty excited when Shotgun Saturday Night was finally picked up by one of my local stations. I was immediately disappointed when two weeks into it they started just showing matches from the Raw taping earlier that week. Shotgun eventually became Jakked/Metal, which morphed into Afterburn/Bottom Line, which went off the air in late September of 2005. Thus, the tradition of WWE syndicated programming going back to the days of WWF Superstars and WWF Wrestling Challenge came to an end.
I'm still pissed I didn't get to see Terry Funk cuss out McMahon.
And there's lots and lots of other stuff. Read it all!
Final Thought
You know, if there's one thing I've noticed over the years, it's that there isn't a whole lot of news for people like me to talk about during the holiday season. Does everything just shut down during the holiday season? From the Home Office in Edgewood, Kentucky…
Top 10 Reasons why there's no wrestling news during the Holidays
10. The wrestling world shuts down just so we can name our Match of the Year
9. Vince might be heartless, but even he won't fire anybody on Christmas. I think.
8. Mama Meltzer makes some great egg nog.
7. Csonka goes on vacation.
6. Randle goes on vacation…never mind, we wouldn't notice if he did anyway.
5. Everybody is sitting at their computer waiting for the new look at 411.
4. All the writers are celebrating Hanukkah.
3. With new wrestling DVDs to watch, who has time for current wrestling?
2. All the mistletoe…oh, who the hell am I kidding?
1. Samoa Joe choked everybody out who didn't give him a Christmas present.
That's always a good reason to give Joe what he wants. Some people may wish to keep this in mind…
In closing, wish me luck in my Fantasy Football Super Bowl this weekend! The Impact Playas are going to take out the FEMA Snails, and that's all there is to it. Even if I have to start Jim freaking Sorgi. He's the backup QB for the Colts, in case you're wondering. What can I say, I like their matchup against Arizona.
