The Shimmy 01.01.06: I Told You I Won’t Die
Posted by Andy Clark on 01.01.2006
Don’tcha wish Bayani was hot like me…
"The match was continuing just as we had planned. I was going to lose by disqualification; my head held high amongst my fellow countrymen and then relinquish the title the next day. Just let me make it through the contest. I should have been leery when Larry left his regular announce position to watch from ringside. Suddenly I was on my back and Domingo had me locked in my own submission hold, what the hell? ‘Ring the damn bell!' I heard Larry yell at the ref. The bell sounded and Domingo walked away with MY title. I sat there as it sunk in. The bastards had screwed me. As Domingo took off with his Friday timeslot, I got up, spit in Larry's face and spelled out PWInsider in the air. This wouldn't be the last they'd see of me…"
Its time to date a gay quarterback and kick a stripper because the Carmella DeCesare of Rant Wars has arrived! Happy New Year, boys and girls, and yes I, Andy Clark, have landed a gig at the best damn porn wrestling website in the world, 411mania. I know some of you may not have even realized I didn't work here, given my frequent appearance on Hidden Highlights and my constant name dropping in Rant Wars winner Bayani Domingo's Truth B Told (seriously, the guy can barely go a column without mentioning my name. Man, I thought the Hidden Highlights guys were obsessed with Ashley). This time I'm back and better than ever, and I got a knack for making things better. Add one more name to the ever growing list of Team Positive, as I hear not bitching about wrestling has become en vogue (Dunn, read the memo). In any event it will be my job every Sunday to make you think, laugh, or at least have something to read during halftime. Now that we've got the pleasantries out of the way, let's get on with the show!
So, Andy, why "The Shimmy?"
If you're reading this column there is one thing you must know: I LOVED Eddie Guerrero. I was the biggest Eddie mark around and not being able to share my memories of him after his death was hard. Well, not I have my forum. Now I can't claim that I watched his entire career, and that I thought he'd be a World Champion based of what I saw of a fancam match of his in ECW. In fact, my first exposure to Eddie Guerrero was as a member of the (real) Filthy Animals in WCW. Eddie, Rey Mysterio, Konnan, and Billy Kidman is still one of my favorite stables as it was full of a lot of talented, and fun, superstars. While I enjoyed Eddie's work and knew he could wrestle well, I didn't feel any real sense of connection to him until his first days as "Latino Heat." I still remember when he went to the prom with Chyna only to leave just in time to defend the European Title. While all of my friends were talking about Triple H vs. The Rock, I was enjoying Eddie Guerrero vs. Essa Rios.
The summer of 2000 Eddie Guerrero became my favorite wrestler, all the way up until he was fired by WWE in late 2001. When I heard the news I was very disappointed as I thought Eddie would have brought a lot to the post-Invasion WWE. Its funny, but even while Eddie was gone he managed to be linked to my wrestling memories; the night I attended my first WWE event someone handed me a flyer for a Maryland indy company that would be getting a show on local access. Featured on their first broadcast: Eddie Guerrero. I would try to follow Eddie's brief Indy career, never actually thinking he would return to WWE. Then, following the brand extension, my prayers were answered. He immediately entered a dream feud with RVD (more on this later). As time went on I was pleased to see Eddie enter into the upper mid-car/lower main event spotlight, receiving some pretty significant airtime. I loved how the fans took to Eddie, even as a heel. My 18th birthday fell on the same day that Eddie's heel run in 2003 was abruptly ended because the fans just wouldn't boo him, and I stayed home that night to watch him face John Cena in his hometown.
I never thought that Eddie would go on to become a WWE Champion, maybe get a title shot or a PPV main event, but they'd never actually get the belt. When he was booked against Brock Lesnar at No Way Out 2004 I figured it would just be a filler defense until Brock got to Goldberg. I think I marked out as much when they booked the Angle-Cena-Big Show number one contender's match than when Eddie actually won the title, because putting two and two together, Eddie would be getting the belt. I was there live when Eddie defended the title against Kurt Angle at WrestleMania XX, and was this close to meeting him the night before (If the security guard working his line at the Hall of Fame ceremony is reading this, screw you, dude). Likewise, I was also there live when Eddie dropped the belt to JBL in what I thought of at the time as a truly shocking move. There's no need to recap Eddie's recent history, other than the fact that I was overjoyed at the prospect of Eddie possibility getting to wear the big gold belt. On November 13 I got online to see if there had been any leaks regarding the Triple Threat Match scheduled for the SmackDown tapings. Instead I saw the tragic news of Eddie's death. It took me almost a day for it to really sink in. I was saddened when I read it, but the true grief didn't hit until Raw. As I sat and watched the tribute to my hero, my mother offered me an early Christmas present: an Eddie Guerrero legends action figure.
Eddie's death shook me for most of the following week. By the time the second tribute rolled around, I was able to think about the good memories of Eddie and smile. I think I'm different from many wrestling fans online, because I don't think any other wrestler's death would have affected me as much. I'd be sad for sure, but not as deeply as I was for Latino Heat. In my time of grief, as I'm sure others can also attest, I learned to think about the good things about Eddie and enjoy their memories. The low rider with the hydraulics, the devilish smirks, and yes…the shimmy. This column is my tribute to Eddie Guerrero. I do not intend to represent Eddie in this column; instead I just want to ensure that Eddie is not forgotten. When someone reads this column, or even just sees the title on the main page, I want them to think of a man that brought us so many great memories. Thank you, Eddie. Viva la raza!
A Reason for Bullet Points
Aren't bullet points fun? I mean every columnist has their thoughts on the week in wrestling that they don't want to write a whole column on, did you think I'd be any different? Anyhow, this should be a hit with those with short attention spans (Hey, yeah that's you, look over here, we're not finished yet!)
Ok, is Vince McMahon's character supposed to be crazy? Or is Vince McMahon just crazy? Or is his character supposed to be something else and is coming off as crazy? Maybe his character is meant to be that of someone trying to be something else but comes off as crazy. Yeah, that's it.
Also, Vince got kicked out of more schools than he can count? I know I'm not positive on the number, but wasn't he only kicked out of like five or six schools? I'm sure someone will e-mail me and say the correct number is twelve or something but still. No wonder there's so damn many PPVs.
Trish + Mickie= Me being very happy I taped Raw this week. Eric Bischoff should be proud, HLAmania is running wild!
I really enjoyed the Cena-Benjamin match on Raw. It wasn't a great match by any means, but it was a fast paced, fun encounter up until the end, and I blame that on creative for not properly established what's supposed to happen once time runs out. Oh, and mad props to the two GUYS cheering for Cena in the front row. My hat is off to you, gentlemen.
For all of you Masterpiece haters out there, pipe down. You know you mispronounce the name of the PPV too.
Hmm, I smell Batista vs. Mark Henry at the Royal Rumble. Normally I'd say that match would suck, but if it gets one more legitimate superstar into the Rumble match than I'm all for it. SmackDown's kinda thin on heels right now so maybe this isn't such a bad thing. Anyhow, the last time we saw him he was terrorizing Shawn Michaels and Goldberg and he wasn't that bad.
Speaking of the Rumble, is anyone else excited? This year actually doesn't seem as predictable as past years. Yeah, I know we're all supposed to buy Triple H-Cena and Batista-Orton as the WrestleMania main events, but I don't think they're set in stone yet. I'd keep a close eye on Edge, Rey Mysterio, or a certain returning superstar to possibly throw a monkey wrench into everyone's plans.
Does anybody else suspect the return of the King of the Mountain Match to TNA? You've got Jarrett as the champion, Christian Cage and Monty Brown have both won Contender's Matches, Raven may be in line for a shot (man I hope the mystery man is Sabu!), and Sting will no doubt pin Jarrett at Final Revolution, er, Resolution (how'd that work out for Randy Savage by the way?). They'll be facing Batista-Kane in February and NO WWE SHOW in March (technically), they should go for it.
OK, I like Shannon Moore as much as the next guy, and putting him in the X-Division should be good, but right into it with AJ Styles, the freakin' face of TNA? Jeff Hardy, Rhino, Christian Cage, all those guys at least had some measure of success somewhere. Shannon Moore has been a world class jobber in both WWE and WCW. Give the guy a chance, but at least let him work his way up. I mean that would be like giving K-Kwik the NWA Title right off the bat. Wait…
Ch-Check It Out!
This section is where I would like to give my recommendation for a match that may have been forgotten, that may be timely, or I just may like. Today I want to mention the Ladder Match between Eddie Guerrero and Rob Van Dam for the Intercontinental Title. Taking place on the Memorial Day addition of Raw, this match has become notable for the fan interfering. However, this match was a great one that was unfortunately overlooked for Match of the Year honors (as well as Match of Raw honors at the Tenth Anniversary Show. I mean Taker-Hardy was good, but nowhere near this level). While it is not the greatest match I've ever seen it is my favorite wrestling match. My two favorite wrestlers in my favorite gimmick match, it doesn't get much better than that. Check it out, you won't be sorry.
Well that about does it for me, this debut ran a bit long, I'll try to do better the next time. Please e-mail me with thoughts, concerns, ideas, and other mindless babble and I might print it next week. Come on ladies, I'm way sexier than Meehan.
