The Wrestling News Experience 01.02.06
Posted by Stephen Randle on 01.02.2006
I'm not hung over. I'm still drunk.
Good morning, everyone. I'm your party host, Stephen Randle, fresh off the Christmas break and more full of alcohol than was strictly necessary. At least if this headache has anything to say about it. But I shall persevere, for we have a Revolution in the offing, and a Rumble in the near future, and that means that things in WWE are just starting to heat up.
Rummaging through my presents, I should tell you that the new Sin City DVD is a masterwork, from the movie to the comic book (excuse me, "graphic novel") included within to the packaging itself. The entire damned thing just screams "cool".
And speaking of cool, have you checked out the new layout we've got going on? It's quite stylish and professional, if I do say so myself. In fact, it's so stylish and professional that it means I can be a little less of both and it still balances out. And I have to draw attention to the finally working "The 411" zone, with bios and blogs for every single writer on 411. Ashish has been pushing for that for a very long time, and I'm quite happy to see it put into action. It's the best new addition to 411 since 411 Black. Which never happened.
Oh, and just dropping a note before I forget, but I'd like to announce that Child's Play, my holiday charity of choice, raised $420 000 worth of cash and electronics for children's hospitals in the US, Canada, and Great Britain. Kudos to Tycho and Gabe and everyone who donated.
Enough holiday cheer, we've got stuff to cover.
Around The Horn
Hot from the offices of the Brock Watch, which despite having all their funding cut months ago are still churning out news, comes information that WWE is backing down on the Great White Hope once again, dropping their attempt to prevent Brock from defending the IWGP Heavyweight Title at the Tokyo Dome in New Japan's biggest show of the year. Of course, they reserve the right to try it again at any point, because the legal system is crazy. You know, that McDevitt guy is going to run through all that free credit he won by getting Vince off in the steroid trials, because the last few years have not been kind to him in terms of effectiveness. Granted, he's defending an insane egomaniac, but hell, crazy people win in court all the time. Insert Michael Jackson reference here.
WWE is planning to debut a large amount of talent in the coming weeks. Let's take a look at some of the people named:
Aaron "The Idol" Stevens - Where's the OVW guy to tell me what exactly the gimmick is? Because when I think of it, two things come to mind. First, another Narcissist (because having Rob Conway, Chris Masters, and Sylvan play the gimmick just isn't enough), and second, something involving American Idol. Which just gives me cold shivers.
Chris Cage & The Miz - In some sort of "rocker" team. Originally, Matt Cappotelli was intended to take the spot occupied by Cage, but another badly timed injury sidetracked that. How many times has that guy gotten screwed over just before his debut? Also, Chris Cage...hmm...I can't see that name causing problems at all. Nope.
Spirit Squad - a team of male cheerleaders featuring Ken Doane, Mike Mondo, and possibly one other guy whose name I can't find. Originally was supposed to include Elijah Burke, who backed out because he must not be an idiot who can see that this gimmick is career death. Of course, it's also apparently from the mind of Vince McMahon, so I guess it's career death either way. And if it IS from the mind of Vince, will they take away his Best of Will Ferrell DVD already? I don't want to see the WWE's version of Robert Goulet.
Jamie Noble - well, he actually has been back on Velocity for a couple weeks, but he's back on the house show circuit this week. Good for him. Us rednecks need a hero.
Of course, none of them will ever be as cool, as dominant, or as destined for the main event as another recent big WWE debut. That's right, I'm talking about the one, the only, The Boogeyman. He's coming to getcha, you know.
And in other roster news, there's a chance that Rene Dupree's days as a wrestler may be numbered, as his hernia injury seems to have become a recurring problem, even after surgery. Now, not only is a hernia a freaking painful injury, but this kid started wrestling in WWE at what, 19? So he's like 22 now. He's three years younger than me and he's already staring in the face of his chosen career being over. That's scary for so many reasons.
ESPN's ombudsman closed out the year by posting a special column in which he discussed how certain ESPN personalities should be using their airtime to report news, and not for controversial and stupid opinions. The ombudsman specifically called out the ESPN columnist/radio guy who made some truly tasteless (and potentially libelous) statements about Eddie Guerrero's death. So, it's a little bit of vindication for wrestling fans. Hopefully not too many of the letters you sent were of the crazy variety.
TNA has announced that it will start running house shows in 2006, in an attempt to grow their fanbase, and also theoretically make more money. Well, it's a good plan, but the reason I say "theoretically" is because house show business is way, way down, to the point where WWE is cancelling shows and failing to fill arenas. I'm just not sure how good the climate is for house shows in general. However, I am cautiously optimistic, and hey, nobody wants to have the ability to watch two wrestling organizations a week more than me. Hell, I even flipped to WCW occasionally during the end just to watch more wrestling. Of course, it was like, Thunder replays on Friday nights when nothing else was on, but the choice was nice.
And finally, Gregory Helms posted the following notice on his website, his MySpace blog, and sent it along to my e-mail, so I felt it was appropriate to print it out for you here.
Over the Christmas holidays both of my remaining grandmothers (one being a step-grandmother) were hospitalized. The step passed away Dec 26th about 4am. I went ahead and did RAW but with the wake and funeral being tonight and tomorrow respectively, I had to take the week off. I apologize to my fans that bought tickets to see me at the shows this week, and I hope you understand.
On a side note, her death was smoking related, so anyone reading this who has that habit please take my advice and quit. It's a slow, ugly and painful way to die. Don't put your family thru that.
Myself and the rest of 411 send our condolences to Gregory Helms and his family. And I personally reiterate the whole non-smoking thing, too.
One Year Ago This Experience
Originally posted 01.03.05, and I threatened WWE that I'd like to see them try and push RVD less. So they did. And then he got injured. Maybe I should shut my big mouth.
Also, I was posting all my readers' favourite moments of 2005, and because I'm just that kind of guy, let's do it again. What did you absolutely love about wrestling in 2005? One quick note, because I know you people: keep the sarcasm and promotion/wrestler-bashing to a minimum. Wouldn't want to lose all the optimism that makes this the REAL Most Positive Column on 411.
That's right, boys, you didn't think I was just going to let you TAKE my title, did you?
The Injury Bug Bites
Inactive List as of 12.26.05
- Chris Jericho, out indefinitely (kayfabe, fired)
- Edge, RAW, out indefinitely (torn pectoral)
- Eric Bischoff, RAW, out indefinitely as of December 5, 2005 (kayfabe, fired)
- Eugene, RAW, suspended indefinitely as of November 19 (drug rehab)
- Ken Kennedy, SD!, out six months as of December 5, 2005 (torn lat muscle)
- Mark Henry, RAW, out indefinitely as of January 2, 2004 (shoulder)
- Rene Dupree, RAW, out indefinitely as of September 20 (hernia)
- RVD, RAW, out until January 2006 (knee surgery)
Transactions
- Mark Henry, RAW, returned to TV December 30
On Smackdown, just to irritate those who pay attention to that sort of thing. Hmm...let's see...Henry debuted in...1996? With a ten-year contract...hmmmm...call me crazy, but do I sense that the end of this weird little experiment might finally be in sight?
- Sonny Siaki, signed to a WWE contract
I've seen Siaki once, a long time ago in TNA, when he was, apparently, supposed to be a cheap imitation of the Rock. Yeah, that's going to go over well with both the wrestlers and the fans. But it was a favour for Dusty Rhodes, so now we just have to wait until the Dream does something stupid and gets fired. I've got six months in the pool.
Links For Fun And Nonprofit
The 411. It's cool and stuff, check it out. Come on, don't be ridiculous.
JP and JT have the Hidden Highlights, and I think I need to start stepping on JT's attitude a little. Boy's rising above himself. He also has the Byte This recap.
Andy Clark wouldn't die or leave us alone until we pitied him enough to let him write here. Because we're nice guys.
Asteroid Boy examines characters and how much they influence wrestlers.
Ari's final column was in two parts. That doesn't make any sense, but here's part one and part two.
And Larry has the Three R's, in his vacational return.
The Gab Bag
IdealInDreams, you'll be happy to know that I received no hate mail for saying that pushing Chavo as an Eddie imitator, though I probably deserved a little. I think the second part of your email is the most correct though, because Chavo's probably not going to get pushed. All though at least they didn't make him job to Masters completely.
And PolyfuzeMethod01 points out that the reason Orton and Taker have been feuding for most of the year is because WWE Creative is, and I quote "being run by 1,000 monkeys typing on 1,000 typewriters for their storylines". You forgot one thing, though...the monkeys are drunk. Drunk monkeys are always funnier. And sort of alliterative.
And One To Go On - My Year In Review
So, I promised it, and I occasionally keep my promises. Here's the good stuff that I saw come out of the year that was.
- Batista playing mind games with Triple H, culminating in a big "thumbs down"
- WWE pulls the trigger at WrestleMania and puts both titles on new main event faces.
- Money in the Bank
- Christian's homecoming in Toronto (before the Mexicools ruined it). Actually, pretty much everything Christian did on-screen all year in both organizations. He's got "it", and WWE may one day regret it.
- ECW One Night Stand. The Rise and Fall of ECW. ECW in general, really.
- Shawn Michaels superkicks Hogan out of nowhere in a legitimate WTF moment.
- Edge. He won Money in the Bank, won the Gold Rush tournament, gets the girl, led the initial assault on Smackdown, and now he's showing his dynamite mic skills again. Who wouldn't want to be Edge?
- Joey Styles hits the big time and fills some big shoes nicely.
- Dude Love makes a cameo. Have mercy!
- Flair vs Trip in the cage at Taboo Tuesday
- looking back and realizing that Triple H gave a lot this year. He's not out of the bad books, but he's trying.
- remembering Eddie, even if I wish that memories weren't all that's left.
- finding out that JBL is a mostly decent human being and realizing that we shouldn't forget that about all wrestlers.
Yeah, it ended kind of sappy, but that's just the way I am. All of you, stay safe in the new year and try to make it better than 2005. 411 has Raw coverage tonight, Larry will be in tomorrow, and just like every year, I'm back next week.
