Your News, My Views 01.03.06
Posted by Larry Csonka on 01.03.2006
After I'm dead, I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument, than why I have one.
Yes, I am going to use this a lot!
Happy Tuesday my peoples and a Happy New Year as well. You have probably noticed that 411 has made quite the change for the New Year. This design was a LONG time coming, and a lot of work was put into things so I hope you enjoy. You will notice some NEW features such as The 411. This is where you can check out the 411 staff and get to know us. This has what we do, a brief history and A Blog. You can go check mine out at that link. It's where I will drop some random shit during the day, so go check that out and let me know if you like it.
411 closed out 2005 in spectacular fashion with a LOT of great year-end columns.
Go and read that stuff and then email them and tell them all how great they are. They go back to praising me because I am better than all of them.
WWE news, notes and happenings:
Your News: WWE has backed down from its attempt to block Brock Lesnar from wrestling on the 1/4/06 New Japan Tokyo Dome show. The two sides (WWE and Lesnar) were scheduled to have a hearing in court on 1/3, but that is now off. WWE did reserve the right of attempting to prevent Lesnar from wrestling for New Japan in the future.
My Views: Upon hearing this news, Lesnar only had one response.
HAPPY NEW FN YEAR VINCE!
Your News: While it looked as if they wouldn't bringing Charlie Haas back, it is being reported that that he has resigned with the company.
Vignettes started to air on Smackdown this week for the return of Fit Finlay. Finlay has been training for several months for an in ring return. It is not know if this is a short or long term thing.
Tatanka will return to the road this week as he will team with Shelton Benjamin against Jonathan Coachman and Carlito.
Mike the Miz and Chris Cage will debut as a team against Gene Snitsky and Tyson Tomko on the RAW shows this week as well.
Aaron Stevens will debut his Idol Stevens gimmick on the Smackdown shows this week against Matt Hardy.
My Views: I like Haas, but I have to wonder how they will use him. They way things are going with Shelton, I say team them back up.
FIT BABY! I don't care if Fit is old, he can out work 90% of the roster. VIVA FIT!
Tatanka…Why?
Another tag team…hope…rising…
Your News: The Team Spirit gimmick that will feature Ken Doane and other new talents is apparently Vince McMahon's idea. Elijah Burke was going to be part of the group but asked management to remove him from the idea in favor of something else down the line. Mike Mondo could take his spot.
The much talked about Team Spirit stable featuring Ken Doane and Mike Mondo that will debut soon will now be called Spirit Squad
My Views: Elijah Burke is FUCKED. Sorry dude, you are doomed to an even worse gimmick. Maybe Johnny Acre will watch some Hustle and decide that you need to be a cross dresser like Pimpernella. That's money.
So a new tag team eh? **Try to be a mark Larry, try to get excited, you love tag team wrestling. This could be good.**
Your News: Booker T suffered a strained groin muscle at the Smackdown house show last night and will be out up to six weeks.
My Views: That sucks for Booker. The good news is that it wasn't the ACL as they had feared. At Booker's age that would have been a long recovery and with his past knee problems, could have marked the end of his career. Get well soon Booker.
Your News: Former TNA star Sonny Siaki has signed a deal with WWE. It is not known if the deal is developmental or a regular deal. Dusty Rhodes, now a member of the WWE creative team, pushed for his signing.
My Views: I can see it now, WM XXII…The Crock vs. Even Colder. Book it Steph!
Your News: It is being reported that Steven Richards is sitting at home, collecting full pay because WWE Creative has "nothing for him."
My Views: Welcome to WCW. Seriously, how do they not have anything for Stevie. Let's forget that he is talented, they only used him as a jobber. How do you not book someone to job for Heat or Velocity?
Your News: TNA was mentioned on the latest edition of WWE Byte This. A caller said, "TNA is better than WWE" at the end of his call. Host Todd Grisham cut him off and said "then why are you calling our show, retard? Call TNA's show ... if they have one ... which I doubt. I think it airs, uh, Sunday night ... at 4am ... in Japan." The segment has been removed from the archived version of the show.
My Views: Good job Todd. That was mature dude. Why didn't you say, "Go call their show" and hang up? Simple, effective and to the point. You would have won. But no, you had to be an asshole dude. And all of the TNA haters are like, "OMG Todd oWn3d TNA OMGLMFAOROTF~~!!!111!1111!111~!" Grow the fuck up.
Your News:The Outcast Killaz were given a tryout last evening before Raw, and may get one before Smackdown as well. The Outcast Killaz have worked for Ring of Honor and JAPW in the past as well as many other Independents.
My Views: Another tag team for Kane to beat by himself! Damn, I try to get excited for tag teams and the WWE…but it's so damn hard to do. I haven't seen any of their recent work, so I can't say if they would be a good team to add or not. Plus, Show might just eat them.
Your News: World Wrestling Entertainment has signed 7'3" Dalip "Giant" Singh. Singh was originally trained with the All Pro Wrestling school out of California. After his training he wrestled for New Japan Pro Wrestling, and teamed with former WWF wrestler Giant Silva. Many movie fans will already be familiar with Singh as he had a role in Adam Sandler's remake of "The Longest Yard."
My Views: So I wonder of the E knows he killed a dude when he trained? He is a big roid monkey that is over 7 feet tall. Book him vs. Batista right now! This is just insane, all they want is the size. I feel sorry for the OVW guys, Robbie Dauber, RUN!
And now for something yummy…
I know I feel happy…HANDS OFF PUNK!
TNA stories, scuttlebutt and rumors:
Your News: TNA Impact did a 0.9 rating this past Saturday, its highest rating yet. It's interesting that the show did its highest rating on Christmas Eve.
My Views: You know what is funny? The TNA haters all emailed and said, "The rating was higher because it was Christmas Eve and everyone was home."
Here is a question, when Smackdown was on Thursdays and the rating for Thanksgiving would drop 33%, why did you always say, "It's because it was a holiday and no one was home?"
I LOVE the double standard. Just because TNA did well, people want to make an excuse, it's comical really. Maybe, just maybe after a few months they are starting to brand themselves and are slowly going to get new viewers? Yeah, it can happen. Or maybe they got lucky. But the point is that they did a good rating on a holiday, so give them their due.
Your News: Lance Storm recently addressed any possibility of working with TNA in his latest column on his site www.stormwrestling.com. Storm says, "If something intriguing was offered me in TNA I would likely be tempted to go. Teaming with [Chris] Jericho and Christian would qualify."
My Views: MAKE THIS HAPPEN TNA!
Your News: New Japan Pro Wrestling's Hiroshi Tanahashi will be coming in to face AJ Styles at the Final Resolution PPV on 1/15.Tanahashi is one of New Japan's up and coming stars.
My Views: Sounds cool. I like that TNA can do this type of thing. It adds something special to their PPV's, much like WCW used to do with the Japanese wrestlers in the early 90's a lot. I hope this is a good match and that we see more of this kind of match, or maybe even another Super X Cup.
Your News: The latest on Samoa Joe is that he is still negotiating a new deal with TNA. As reported before, Joe had a deal with TNA that if his stint went well, they would work out a new deal for more money. Most figure he will get a raise but some say TNA is dragging their feet on the issue. Word is that WWE is interested in Joe if he does not work things out with TNA.
My Views: Joe is not going anywhere. Joe has said that this was all a misunderstanding and that it was blown out of proportion. He is looking for a raise, which was promised if he performed well, and that is what is happening. Joe isn't going anywhere.
Your News: Another reason Sting is being brought into the promotion is that TNA hopes to gain potential licensees with a major, mainstream name to help promote the TNA product.
My Views: In theory I understand this. A recognizable name being used to gain mainstream publicity in order to get your new and young stars noticed. This makes sense, but I just hope that he isn't pushed down our throats.
Your News: TNA is moving forward with plans to run house shows in 2006. The shows will likely be financed by local promoters with TNA giving them the right to use their talent. Philadelphia and Detroit are two markets that will likely get TNA house shows early on.
My Views: This is a good idea. This is similar to the idea I suggested last year about the local NWA affiliates running the actual shows, and having "X" number of TNA guys on the show. They could be the main event, and you could have the Tag and X titles defended as well. They add an X Scramble or some shit, and open the show with the local guys and BOOM instant house show. The local people front the building and all, and TNA only pays to fly their guys there; then the promoter pays TNA a fee which covers the guys and a booking fee. The guys make money and you give your product more exposure. After using this as a starting model then, and only then if it is profitable, you can run you own tour down the line.
Your News: Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Monty Brown and Ron Killings are expected to be the next performers to have extensive "personality videos" done, ala the latest ones that were done with Rhino. TNA hopes that these video packages will further help get over the personalities of their performers.
My Views: Excellent idea. TNA needs to continue to help develop the personalities of the guys the fans don't know a lot about. They are done very well and people take notice of stuff like this. I am all for anything like this that can help an audience connect with the performers.
Everything else that needs covering:
Your News: Japanese Hardcore Wrestling X will debut on 1/20/2006 with 2 hours of hardcore and hard hitting action with dynamite matches from Dynamic Dream Team (DDT), Toryumon X, NEO and of course Big Japan Pro Wrestling, If you crave more action and less talk, you have to order Japanese Hardcore Wrestling X.
My Views: These are a lot of fun, and I recommend checking it out. We'll have matches listed ASAP for the event.
Your News: The Dangerous Women of Wrestling (D.W.O.W.) will host their first live event in over a year and a half to be filmed for Broadcast and Internet Television, National DVD release and Pay Per View. "New Year's Rezzho-lution" takes place Thursday, February 2nd 2006 and from The New Alhambra Entertainment Complex (former ECW Arena) at 7 Ritner (Swanson and Ritner) in South Philadelphia, PA. Tickets are currently only available at www.dangerouswomenofwrestling.com
Just Announced. Former E.C.W. / W.W.E. Superstar The Blue Meanie has accepted the open challenge to face "Pryme Tyme" Amy Lee for the Women's World Title at "New Year's Rezzho-lution". When asked for comment, The Blue Meanie stated, "I have nothing better to do that day."
My Views: Yeah, you got the best of JBL now dude, you showed him. Are you selling plasma on the weekends to make ends meet as well? Loser.
Your News: Larry Csonka was trying to finish his column but JT kept fucking bothering him, forcing him to be unmotivated and almost be late.
My Views: JT, go the fuck away peon, and feast on deeeeeeeeez nuts!
Reader Rant Time:
From some dude with a funky email addy and no name - you're on crack... Laser Tron was the closest sniff Hector ever got to the big time. He & Jimmy Valient were a prominent tag team on WTBS in '87. He never went anywhere as Hector, except maybe in UWF early on, and even then he was below the level of LASER TRON.
Laser Tron was shite. Hector COULD have gotten over if they would have played up his history. But they always messed that up. Laser Tron was also late in his career, and was really kind of insulting in my eyes. In closing, Laser Tron blew.
From Joe Bistone, who has 10 topics to discuss. I like Joe, but since there are some things in there that take shots at me, I shall reply in bold.
10. The Death of Tag Team Wrestling I'm sure you guys get this a lot but this year pro wrestling officially announced the death of tag team wrestling. With matches involving the "hot tag" more frequent as the "good" tag team matches, and the most of the time the tag team champs on Raw this year spent on HEAT, tag team wrestling is officially dead. Gone are the days when a Shawn Michaels or Bret Hart could evolve from tag teams to join the ranks of the heavyweights and contend for major belts, now we have Murdoch, Shane Helms, Rosey, The "Con-Man", Rene Dupree, and unfortunately, Shelton Benjamin, in the ranks of former tag team superstars who are on the fast track to NOWHERE…
I think you need to clarify. Tag Team Wrestling on Raw is dead. Tag Team Wrestling on Smackdown has a shot and Tag Team Wrestling in TNA is in "good" shape. Not to mention you can see it other places, ROH, PWG, FIP, Japan, Mexico and other places. But Raw has collectively shit on tag teams, I agree.
9. WWE Homecoming It was advertised as a "ppv on TV". Considering the quality of ppvs in the last month I might actually have to agree. A Triple H heel turn that went way too long, was way too obvious, and advertised how out of shape HHH can get in couple of months, followed by of course the highly anticipated match up between John Cena and Eric Bischoff. 3 hours of throwaway crap which basically justifies any sensible person from turning off their tv and realizing wrestling is never going to be what it was. And how about those major ramifications? Eric Bischoff and JR both lost their tv jobs, Stone Cold walked out again, Hulk Hogan is gonna be gone till march, and Linda McMahon turned heel. Way to build those young stars, and give the fans what they want Vince.
Homecoming was a disappointment, and a show I considered "ass."
8. Hackjob: The Ultimate Warrior Story Ok so I'm now supposed to buy a dvd trashing some 80's wrestling star I barely cared about? Not to mention the fact that the allegations laid against the warrior are pretty lame in themselves. Hogan's "no no" in the business is almost laughable, since almost every superstar does it today, Ric Flair and BROOKLYN BRAWLER were horribly out of place, JR wasn't in the WWE until Warrior had left in 1992, I'm wondering if King feels that other superstars who wear their merchandise on tv today is too "out of character" as well. Only three "accusations" barely stick, warrior was bad in the ring, warrior wasn't liked, and warrior supposedly held up Vince for money. Vince does a good job fighting the fight everyone else knew about, and nobody cares for.
I didn't see the DVD, so I really can't comment to be fair.
7. Matt and Edge: Chapter 12 of a 0 part story I love using that quote from Matt Hardy, because he actually believed the crap the WWE was feeding him about coming out of this feud better off than when he was fired in March. The best thing Matt could've done is go to TNA, cut a HUGE promo trashing the WWE, Edge, and Vince, and been in a main event feud for the TNA title. Instead? Matt is trapped in jobberville, about to lose his job YET AGAIN, headed to TNA ANYWAY, and that huge fan base that supported him through arguably the toughest time in his life has gone away. Good job Mattitude, do yourself a favor next time, and don't waste 8-12 months of your life.
Matt Hardy is an idiot.
6. The IWC's TNA sellout No matter what an IWC writer says, most are shills for TNA. In the long run good thing right? Wrong. The bias has become SO bad most IWC writers can barely hide behind it anymore. Some even go as far as calling the people who respond to their columns nothing but WWE sell-outs, even though in the same sentence they trash the WWE. They rate TNA matches which don't even belong in the same sentence as WWE matches as the greatest things ever, almost all TNA plotlines are "must see", and supposedly Traci Brooks is the hottest girl in the wrestling world. First of all Trish is, second of all TNA plotlines are pretty obvious and incredibly dull, and third of all if Angle-Michaels at WrestleMania isn't the best match all year, you're on drugs.
Wow, this is news to me. The "IWC" hasn't sold out to TNA, trust me when you read the 411-year end awards. You talk about trashing people and over rating matches, so I think that you are talking to me. I will state, with no doubt in my mind TNA put on a ton of great matches this year, probably more than the E did because they don't focus on the bullshit. Yes, stories are SIMPLE; but that is all they have to be. A simple story that someone can understand, follow and get behind. You build that and they pay it off in the ring. It's how the business works. By the way, I am NOT on drugs. Joe vs. Kobashi was best in my opinion in the matches that I saw. I also would have Angle vs. Michaels 3rd in my matches. Just the way it is. It is called opinion, not drugs.
5. 35 bucks (AT LEAST) for a WWE ppv This is either a true sign that the McMahon's are incredibly delusional or the deal they signed with NBC/Universal was just that bad. Most Smackdown! ppvs have their midcards filled with matches you probably saw last Thursday anyway, Raw ppvs main events are definitely not worth the money (more on that later), and the combination of the two shows is actually proving to produce a worse product (see Survivor Series). Oh and just to make a note, the best ppv this year featured stars by a company that doesn't even exist anymore…. ECW….
I felt ripped off on at least 6 WWE PPV's this year. The worst part is that they are adding more.
4. The IWC's defense of John Cena After survivor series it was obvious. The everyday wrestling fan doesn't give a rat's *ss about John Cena, and not only that, they're sick and tired of spending their money to see him. The boos from the crowd were heavy, the Lets go Angle chants were HUGE. And the next day the IWC, stood up for arguably the biggest hunk of junks shoved down the fans throat since triple H and did a song and dance. "Cena was ruined by the creative team!" "He knows how to wrestle!" "Jericho and Angle's feud's ruined him because they're well liked!" "His promos are gold!" were the chants by at least two writers here and endless columnists across the internet. First of all you have legitimate gripes when you say guys like RVD, and Booker T, and Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, and Kane were ruined by the creative team. THEY ACTUALLY WERE, the creative team told them what to do by the letter, and had most of them lose to Triple H like they didn't even belong. These guys each had huge popularity at some point and Trips squashed each and every one of them (whether in matches or politically), buried them on the midcard, and if you look at that list right now, you'd see how their careers turned out (even though some aren't done yet). John Cena actually got the belt, he got the matches, he got the major tv time, and you know what? The fans hated him.
Men hate Cena. Women and children love him.
IWC writers also seem to think that just because Cena is a street thug he can't wrestle a good match. Stone Cold Steve Austin was a friggin redneck and he still found a way to have technical matches, hardcore matches, and flat out brawls. Ultimate Warrior at WM VI found a way to have an exciting match with Hulk Hogan even though it was incredibly out of character. HECK even KEVIN NASH has had good matches if you look back at his career, and that his character was a big guy who squashed the little guys. So don't argue character there.
Lord, do you pigeon hole enough dude? OMG EVERY WRITER ON THE INTRANET SUXORZZZZ! Cena is a "decent" worker, and they DO make him brawl. I don't have a huge problem with Cena, he IS over, sells a shitload of stuff and uses what he has to stay over. He's a modern Hogan with out the politics.
Next the IWC said that because Jericho and Angle were loved by the internet fans cheered them over Cena and Cena's push was destroyed. Yea that's it, lets forget the fact that Angle was boo'd big time in his feud with HBK, and Jericho's fan base really showed up for him when he lost the belt to Shelton Benjamin. Or maybe it's the fact that people pay their good money to watch John Cena in the main event have a 20 minute match where he's dominated, then hits a few shoulder blocks, a five knuckle shuffle and an FU and wins. Finally comes the argument that John Cena is gold on the mike. Watch every single one of his promos against Eric Bischoff. Enough said.
People do love Angle and they did love Jericho, it's obvious. When you explained Cena's matches, substitute some moves and there is Hogan. Did you like Hogan? And you are writing to the wrong guy, because I NEVER said all of his promo's were gold. Also, on Raw last night there was the mix again. Men booing Cena, women and kids cheering Cena. It happens, nothing surprising really.
Here is the bottom line. People have genuine feeling towards Cena, positive and or negative. This isn't "get off the TV X-Pac" hate, it's not I don't care hate and it isn't "oh he's a good guy let's cheer him" heat. Men have decided that they dislike the guy, while woman and children are drawn to him and his merchandize. It's a real emotion, a real reaction. If it was revealed that John Cena would loose the title tomorrow and get beat to a bloody pulp, men would pay to see that shit straight away.
I don't see the problem with real reaction. Last week vs. Shelton was an excellent example of that.
3. The price of TNA's ppvs If its not obvious why TNA is second to WWE, it should be. Watching regular WWE matches on USA or UPN usually has a good match which blows away the effort of almost every match on the TNA event. 30 bucks for this stuff? Give me a break. You're the second most popular, and the second best in quality act like it and give the fans a break, and maybe more people will watch without needing IWC shills to pretend like your matches are the best EVER.
Please, I hate to be rude but you are talking out of your asshole and you got diarrhea. TNA PPV's have been easily better than WWE PPV's this year. When it comes to matches they are equal and at many times better than the WWE. Just because yourself and may other assholes want to look for all kinds of little ass flaws isn't my problem. TNA PPV's RARELY disappoint and I always feel like I get my money's worth.
2. Samoa Joe EVERYBODY puts this guy over. So ok this guys good in the ring. But here's the biggest difference between wrestlers, wrestling fans and promoters. PROMOTERS know what looks good on TV, and they know that having a guy who outweighs everyone in the X-division by at least 60 pounds, is horribly out of shape, has the face of a baby and tries to act tough, is going to be barely believable right? Samoa Joe is the biggest joke in wrestling. Just imagine Chris Benoit doing the stuff Joe does except with a huge gut hanging off the front of his tights. It would not only be disgusting and hard to watch it wouldn't make any sense. How can a guy who was obviously eating potato chips on his couch five minutes ago be a better wrestler than a guy who spends his time in a gym like AJ styles, getting in shape and well cut? His matches aren't that great, his wrestling style isn't that spectacular and every time an IWC writer puts this guy over like he's the next Taz I just laugh my rear off cuz I know its full of crock. To be a wrestler it's a basic necessity to be at least believable. That's why Joe fails on every level to be entertaining, and it makes NO sense why fans, and wrestlers promote him like they do.
Who gives a shit of he is "bigger" than the other X guys. The division, as has been explained is NOT ABOUT THE WEIGHT. No limits. Joe can work, Joe looks amazingly real when he strikes, he can work with anyone. That is what matters. You say he is out of shape, I say you are fucking delusional due to years of the WWE shoving jacked up and unbelievable looking steroid monkey's in your face all of the time. You decide because he doesn't "look" how you want him to that you well shit on him. Fine, but the fact is that Joe had a better 2005 than anyone, and if you would just stop hating for no reason you'd see that. I never thought much of Joe at first. I saw what he looked like and heard "the hype." Then I got some DVD's and he debuted in TNA and I saw what was good about him. He works well with about anyone and puts on great matches. That's all that matters. Not his appearance. Nobody gave 2 shits that Dusty was a fat fuck, he was the COMMON MAN eff you weeeel. He got over through charisma and through talking. Joe gets over by being a bad ass looking dude that will kill you. Simple.
"To be a wrestler it's a basic necessity to be at least believable.
That is partially right and he is believable. He LOOKS like a bad ass. He LOOKS like he is killing people with his stuff and he LOOKS like nothing hurts him. That is believability, and trust me on this because I do know what the hell I am talking about.
1 JOHN CENA's Title defenses I'm just gonna go off here cuz this thing to me is just sick. I paid 50 bucks to see him in an 11 minute world title match with JBL that rivaled Brock Goldberg's worst WrestleMania match of all time. I paid 35 at Summerslam to watch him up against Jericho, and Jericho to dominate him for most of the match and lose to 1 FU. I paid ANOTHER 35 for survivor series to see how limited this guy was that he couldn't even put on a good match with Kurt friggin Angle. You want to know why fans STOP watching wrestling? SH*T like this. Look some people like his promos and fine that's ok for TV but for main events of a WRESTLING nature, where for the fans to receive their money's worth it helps to have a GOOD match in the MAIN EVENT. GET THIS GUY OUT OF WRESTLING. YOU can't take a CRAP on your fans who stick with you THROUGH KATIE VICK, to this REHASH OF WCW PLOTLINES WITH BOOKER-BENOIT, to BRINGING IN GOLDBERG, to LINDA's HEEL TURN. The truth being that Vince still expects those fans to show up when "THE MARINE" hits theaters along with "EYE SCREAM MAN". Its time for wrestling fans who actually care about the product to at least turn off the tv to the stuff they don't like. Vince keeps plodding out the same garbage because people keep tuning in, and the truth is it's the hardcore wrestling fans who do most of it. At some point, like a girlfriend you mistreat, she leaves and you realize how much you appreciate her. Its time fans just did that to Vince, and stopped proverbially kissing his *ss out of all the SH*T that comes out of it.
I can't even argue anymore. You contradict yourself so many times and my head hurts, so I am done.
Thanks for the emails!
And now for a laugh…
Top things that will NEVER happen on Star Trek
1) The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field type that it has encountered before.
2) The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists who are all perfectly all right.
3) The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
4) The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new life form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life form, wearing a silly hat.
5) The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
6) An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to
interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
7) A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
8) A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a 'fuse'.
9) The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
10) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
11) The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
12) The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.
13) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify with candy.
14) The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in no way connected with the 20th century.
15) Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
16) A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, and some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
17) The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
18) The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day
19) An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."
20) A major character spends the entire episode in the
Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.
21) Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."
22) Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!
23) Picard walks up to a replicator and says, "Coke on ice."
24) Counselor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
25) Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.
26) Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"
27) When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual range no one says "On screen."
28) Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.
29) Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done in "Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).
30) Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.
31) Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).
32) The warp engines start acting up a bit, but then seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
33) Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better than ever.
34) Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flash and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.
35) Guinean forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.
36) Data falls in love with the replicator.
37) Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode. [or even: Kirk (or Riker) meets an attractive woman and does not fall in love. -psl]
38) The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
39) An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale.
40) Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
41) Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.
42) Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt.
(Or even, Kirk DOESN'T get into a fistfight...)
43) Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesn't sacrifice herself for him.
44) Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics
45) Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack by alien race/etc!! due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan physiology" and thus he cannot save the day.
46) The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eyebrow.
