The Pin is Mightier 01.07.06: No Girls Allowed
Posted by Ryan K. Boman on 01.07.2006
Brought to you, proudly, by the He-Man Woman Haters Club.
"I don't like women; they have no place in the business"— The late Phil Hartmann, in a great Saturday Night Live skit.
Apparently, girls don't have much of a place in the wrestling business either, Phil. At least, not in the traditional sense, anyway. They may have a small niche in sports entertainment, but really contribute very little. They don't wrestle like the men. They're not as popular as the men, nor do they draw as much money as their male counterparts. Women are featured in main events roughly once every leap year. They are persona non grata when it comes to discussion about "serious mat wrestling" among the smarks of the world. It's an apparent truth that we all must face up to, folks. Even as a (so-called) tree-hugging, left-wing, socialist liberal, I can acknowledge that.
To hell with Women's Lib. These broads are here for one reason and one reason only. We all know it. And Vince McMahon knows it, too. It's for the sex. Lots and lots and lots of it.
Ask any thirteen-year-old boy (or maybe even his undersexed father), and they will admit that the ladies of wrestling are here to quench our thirst for fantasy. To the average mat fan, women are the icing on the cake to a night of bodyslams and backdrops. Mixing the popular combination of sex and violence, RAW tries to make us overload on testosterone, as well as overload into our pants. Vince and Company deliver us plenty of hookers and whores, sluts and skanks, on a weekly basis. And they are all served up on a platter for an audience comprised of, for the most part, dorks who wouldn't have a prayer of actually nailing a woman who looks like that.
In fact, it's almost become a cottage industry in pro wrestling: The exploitation of women.
And, I'm done with it, quite frankly. That's right; I said it. I'm putting my last dollar down on the stage, and I'm walking out of this proverbial strip bar for good. No lap dances, no tips. I could care less if I ever see another woman in, or around, a wrestling ring again. I no longer want to see pregnancy angles, marriage angles, or "blowjob-in-a-broom-closet" angles. I don't care about diva searches or dance contests. None of it. As confusing as it might sound to you, this fully heterosexual male is calling for a ban on women in pro wrestling. I know it's radical, but it could be done. Down with the women That's right. Get rid of the girls. Throw these broads out of the business for good.
Or at the very least, give them something actually useful to do. Let me explain...
When I watched RAW and Smackdown in the past week, it made me almost sick to my stomach to see how women are used in their angles. Two chicks share a lesbian-esque kiss that would make Mae Young and Moolah proud. Another girl files a lawsuit against the show's main star for sexual harassment after she banged him in the locker room. The backstage interviewer is supposed to be dumber than a box of shit. Every now and then, we get some girl-on-girl-on-guy action sprinkled in. Have I missed anything yet? Has someone gotten pregnant this week, and I just forgot? As a matter of fact, the bigger question should be this: Has any of this crap actually contributed to your on-screen product? I would venture to say that it costs more money to shoot some of these angles than the revenue they bring in for WWE.
That's why the women have to go. They're just decidedly unentertaining.
I know, I know. You will argue that there is a lot of talent out there. You will counter that women like Trish Stratus and Victoria mix incredible talent with stunning good looks. You may even suggest to me that the women actually add something to the two shows. This is, of course, poppycock. After all, if these ladies are so talented, then why are they in such stupid angles? Why are they so blatantly ridiculous on WWE programming? If they have so much to offer, then why are they contributing so little? Surely, these girls are brainless and talentless, which is why they must be used in the manner they are. Isn't that right?
Or... and I'm just reaching here, but I may have a theory. So bear with me...
Maybe WWE is the one who doesn't get it. Maybe these women really do have some skills that extend past lap dances and lays. Maybe, just maybe, the divas of WWE have something to offer besides big tits and blowjob angles. If you throw out the juvenile garbage and get back to the basics of the business, could these ladies be take seriously as actual competitors?
We'll probably never know. Like the little boy who never grew up, Vince McMahon seems to be re-living his adolescent fantasies through his women's "division". He loves to see his girls degraded on-air in any way, shape, or form. It seems he almost lives for the opportunity to put a woman in some compromising position in his backstage vignettes. This has extended all the way up to his own daughter, for crying out loud. And, wrestling fans are as guilty as Vince is. Because of our junior high-like objectification of women, we probably feed into this crap as well. The theory seems to be this: Yeah, it's stupid and kind of boring, but there are boobs on my TV Real intelligent thought process there.
It is stupid. It's juvenile. And, most of all, it's unentertaining. How many times do I need to see women in these same angles over and over? Okay, I get it. It's been done before; the shock value has worn off. Someone is going to get pregnant, or sleep with this guy, or promise to strip for the audience, only to be covered by a jacket before it's delivered. It's been played out for a long time now, Vince. When these angles occur, I find myself pushed to the point of boredom that I contemplate driving a nail through my head.
So it's time for a ban. All women in WWE should be put on suspension or released. Send them home. Put them in mothballs or something. Keep them off of my TV, until you find something better for them to do. It's not the girls' fault, either. Not by any means. It's your fault, Vince. It's your (uncreative) creative team's fault. It's a stupid stereotype that you continue to play over and over like a bad "Jerry Springer Show". And, it's boring. Get rid of the women. Today.
Or, treat them with some respect. Maybe, just on a trial basis, get rid of the hokey angles and give the ladies a real platform. Let them be competitors. Take them seriously for once, and in turn, force your audience to do the same thing. Actually treat these girls as athletes and not objects. Give me, as a viewer, a reason to respect your divas as an integral part of your wrestling empire. Now, there's a novel idea, huh?
If you're not going to do that, Vince, then take them off television. If you are going to continue to misuse and abuse them, I don't want to see it. Until you decide to judge them equally based on their talents as well as their, um, assets, I don't want to watch them and have no interest.
