Truth B Told 01.13.05: LIVE Nude Girls
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 01.13.2006
Sure beats the hell out of the dead nude ones
I spent like 5 minutes trying to come up with a better title and teaser than that one…but I got distracted and figured, "what the hell, it's not like people are reading this" I mean, y'all got big MLK weekend plans to cook up. I'd love to be able to say that this column will be about some butt ass naked women, but …oh hell, why not? Let's just talk about naked women this week. Wait, no, that's in February. In honor of Valentines day…and Black History month. This week we'll actually be talking about the LIVE experience of watching wrestling.
I just attended a Pro Wrestling Guerrilla show last Saturday and it got me thinking a lot about what the difference really was between seeing a show live and just watching the DVD. I've been attending PWG shows regularly for about 7 or 8 months now. The last WWE show I went to was when it was still the WWF. Three years ago I went to a RAW show with some friends and had a pretty good time. Mostly because of the company, not the wrestling. Tickets cost $25 at the time for the 40th row or so at the Staple Center. We could hardly make out anyone but the whole experience was fun. To be honest, I can't even remember who wrestled; it was that hard to see. If you've never seen a live show, you should. The "e" is constantly putting on shows all across the country and there are Indy shows popping up every where now. Fact is, sometimes it isn't the opportunity as much as the opportunity cost that plays a big role in the decision. Opportunity cost is basically the cost or intrinsic value of choosing one decision over the other. If you make a decision to do something or buy something, there is an additional cost because you then lose the opportunity to do something else because you no longer have that time or money. Feel smarter now?
For example, buying seats to watch RAW will cost between $20 to $40. for that much you could be anywhere from 100 yards to 100 feet from the ring. Let's assume that you end up some where in the middle. So you are 50 yards away at $40, you gotta pay for parking, food, gas, and a beer or two…or 6 if you know a Tomko match is going to happen on Heat. So total cost would be about $75 or so for the experience. The alternative is to stay at home, be able to see everything that actually happens, pick up a Big Bacon Classic from Wendy's and drink finish off the last of your Pabst Blue Ribbons that have been in the fridge since Angle was a face. Total cost of that experience… about $6. Obviously the experience would be worth the cost, however, I wouldn't pay $75 to be at Monday's taping.
TNA has free tapings. Yep, two shows for FREE. Only one catch. You have to fly down to Orlando to take advantage. Sure, this is the best deal going, especially when you consider that even the worst seats are only about 35 feet from the ring, but the possibility of going to one of their events is pretty low. The PPV's actually cost money however, so at the very least they are making some money, but a free television taping is a pretty sweet deal. If you're a wrestling fan and live within an hour of Orlando, you are an IDIOT if you don't take advantage of this. Mainly because staying home on a Saturday night or staying up till 1am on a Monday to watch TNA has a higher opportunity cost than just staying up till 11:08 pm on Monday to watch RAW.
I've got to mention Ring of Honor here…mainly because I didn't get Ari anything for Chanukah and this is the cheapest thing I could think of. RoH tickets are anywhere from $15 to $30 a pop. Not bad, and the $15 for general admission is probably par for the course for most bigger Indy shows. $30 is more in the WWE stratosphere of pricing, however these are arguably much better seats, VIP status if you will. The real issue here is that RoH is basically an East Coast exclusive. You get more bang for your buck though because they provide two or three times more wrestling than WWE would in a typical show. Also at least RoH, unlike TNA, has a few different East Coast venues they use.
My typical PWG experience consists of a 30 minute drive, $15 admission, and a Double Quarter Pound meal during intermission. Total cost to me, $23. But that includes at least 7 or 8 matches and 4 hours worth of entertainment, not including the hour or so I spend in line chatting it up with fellow wrestling geeks. The real opportunity cost to me is that I'm not hitting up a club or bar on a Saturday or Friday night trying to get a girl to LET me buy her a drink or 5 in hopes of getting her drunk enough to make out with me and give me her phone number. Or at least a quick ‘handy'. Then again, since my ‘special lady' attends with me and is an uber mark for Indy wrestling it would seem kinda counter productive to do that anyways. The only alternative is to wait 3 months until the show comes out on DVD and buy it and have it shipped for around $20 total.
I think the intangibles are the real reason that people go out of there way to catch a live show. When I go to a PWG show I know exactly who is going to be there. The regulars so to speak. I know people by name, or at least nickname. I know that my regular 2nd row crew, aka, "Filipino Arrogance", aka, "P.I. Embassy", aka, guys who save me seats, are showing up. I can count on "Hardy Fan" to be there, wearing a Jeff Hardy shirt and trying to convince me that that Rainbow Brite should be TNA champ and that he's in "rehab". I know that drunken Hawaiian shirt guy, panty on a pole girl (You don't wanna know) and Euro-trash guy, scary Japanese female wrestling fan, and the ring crew are going to be there. Its comfort and familiarity. People are going to cheer who they wanna cheer and the wrestlers are going to agknowledge them.
So what if a guy wants to come to an Indy show with a $300 Cena US title spinner belt, chain, Cena wrist bands, shirt, and hat? Does that mean he doesn't have the right to show his allegiance no matter how unpopular that opinion may be? No. Does it make him any less of a douche bag for doing it? No. But he has the right to do that. Sure he's going to go home and slam the door to his apartment (aka mom's basement) and write in his journal about how misunderstood he is, but he'll get over it…I mean more than likely his mom will come down stairs with some Ovaltine and some Malomars. Its all about being around people who share the same passion you do. Plus, you gotta love the fact that if you think a wrestler sucks, you can voice that opinion and he can hear you. Sometimes they react, on Saturday I saw Super Dragon pour a cup of Coke over a fan's head that was yelling at him. Congrats buddy; you're now part of the show. On a side note, I'm not sure if it was a shoot or work, but I hope that was a work. Because I don't care if it's all part of the show or not, if some fat dude in a mask poured pop on me, I'd be taking a chair to the back of his dome like he just stole last Zagnut. Cuz', you know, I be lovin' me some Zagnut.
It's a bit confusing isn't it? I mean, you read about how the WWE is a rip off because you drop all this money and you could end up watching ‘Vince chews out HBK and blows himself' as a main event. But then I tell you to make the trip out because you might not get a chance to see RoH or TNA or some really good Indy action. Well, to be honest, its all a personal preference. But if you want my advice, I would tell you to save up the cash, put off buying that Colin Farrell sex tape for another month and don't Biggie Size for a few weeks and go see yourself some live wrestling. You'll be glad you did. Just understand though that just because you can't catch the WWE when they're in town, doesn't mean there aren't better and more cost effective alternatives. Indy's really do need the support and you East Coasters need to take advantage of the action you already have at your disposal in RoH and TNA. I will admit though, the potential to change over and catch Cartoon Network during the boring parts of a taped show, or the comfort of not having to use a toilet seat cover on every trip to the can is tempting, live wrestling just can't be beat. Unless live wrestling stole my Zagnut…then a beating it would surely get.
Coming Up Short
Alright, we got a Sting & Christian vs Jarrett & Monty Brown match. Should be an entertaining match since I've been enjoying the dueling promos thus far. I'm glad that TNA decided to make this happen instead of…say… giving Christian his TITLE SHOT!! Seriously, TNA have these #1 contender matches and Title Shot matches and just forget about them. Christian beat Monty to become #1 contender and now they have a tag match instead? What the fizzle?? Seriously, TNA has a slightly more intriguing main event picture than either RAW or Smackdown because of all the legitimate contenders, but they really got to do something about the way they are awarding their matches. By basically making TNA all about Sting and forgetting about Christian's title shot, they just seem to be coming up short.
B Marks the Spot
You wanna know what's great about writing your own weekly internet wrestling column? You get to screw with the format every once in a while and no one is really paying attention because they're skipping to the last part of the column for all the dirty jokes. So this week we're going to put "Knowing is half the Battle" on hiatus and try something new. In this segment I'm going to talk about the wrestlers that I marked out for this week.
1) Generation Ne(X)t – The OG crew is back and in TNA, they brought up some valid points about the X-Division being a 3 man dance, now it's time to see some new stables and match ups. I think this may also usher in the age of the X-Tag Titles soon.
2) Ric Flair – C'mon, the guy is arguably the OOOG "Rated R Superstar" and he took a beating from Edge, but his promo before he hit the ring was gold. Good ol' Naitch wanted to tag into the "main event" and I'm sure that Lita would have done the job, 1,2,3…..4,5,6….2459, 2460, 2461.
3) "Showtime" Eric Young - The king of the ‘little things" that most people take for granted, he is the comic relief for Team Canada and that suits him just fine, now if he could only win a match. Shoot, does the guy even have a finisher?
4) Claudio Castagnoli – He's got this certain, as the French say, I don't know what. He wrestled as a heel during the match but I was really impressed with what I saw when he lost a close match to Chris Hero. Besides, the guy is Swiss… I'm just glad he didn't surrender. I think he has a good chance of being called up to one of the 2 big shows, or at least a good run for the Pure Wrestling Title in RoH.
5) NEMESIS- Who? Yeah, that's what I thought. Go look him up… well, um…not sure where he'd be, myspace I'm sure. He's a local PWG guy and me and my "Kliq" if you will love the guy. He's 66% comedy, 30% flash, and 4%, um… I guess selling. Cuz' he still hasn't won a match or hit a finisher, but I love me the comedy heels.
6) Christopher Daniels – I am the 2nd biggest "Fallen Angel" mark I know, besides my GF that is. I admit it, I mark out like a little school girl when I see him on Impact! I dropped the $9 for his action figure. If that makes me like gay, so be it. Besides, it still doesn't compare on the gay-o-meter to the time I volunteered to try out for the lead role in 411's stage production of Brokeback Mountain. "Steve Cook, I wish I knew how to quit you".
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
I got caught red handed this time. Someone finally called me out on my less than politically correct rantings…and to be honest he's right.
I noticed you used the term "sounding black" at the beginning of your article. What is sounding black? If you're referring to "hizzle fo shizzle my dizzle" and all that crap then thats not "sounding black" its sounding foolish. I attended a HBCU (historical black college and university) and in my 4 years did I hear no more then 10 people add "izzle" to a word. I think that's quite the misconception because of one Snoop Dogg. Now when people say that Cena is "acting black" is just stupid. Cena is a rap artist, or atleast plays one on tv. He's not acting black he's trying to be "hip hop." Hip hop is about self _expression and what you see in monday nights is exactly how he does that. Sorry about that mini rant. I was just having a conversation yesterday about the phrase "acting black" yesterday so these ideas were still fresh in my mind. I enjoyed the column keep of the good work. I remember seeing a column on the 411mania page regarding race in 2006. Maybe I should have directed some of this to the columnist for that. Anyway, I appreciate the hard work the whole staff puts in there, especially the wresting writers. Best wishes for the new year
Foster
Well what can I say? It's Bananas Foster, B-A-N-A-N-A-S. It is a stereotype to say all Black folks talk in slang, and I'm going to have to rescind that and just say that Cena tries to be "hip hop" or "street". The problem I got with Cena is that he reps this real hard "thuggish" lifestyle. Cena didn't even have like 1 single black dude in his 2nd video. Not even one. WTF?? You couldn't spring for like 1 or 2 brutha's? You couldn't rent a couple for the day? Throw in a Puerto Rican or something, damn, I'd take a slightly tanned Canadian at that point. But back to the point, to be fair, I've never heard anyone tryin' to sound "asian" in the WWE. Unless they've ever said "oh shit, I just jobbed on Velocity AGAIN!!". That's about it. I'm waiting for someone to have the gimmick where he tries to be Asian. Like they interview him back stage while he's doing Algebra and playing Street Fighter. Then he drives a lowered Honda to the ring with a "Powered by Rice" sticker on it, but he ends up accidentally rear ends someone before he gets all the way to the ring. Then takes his shoes off and leaves the at the top of the stairs before he enters. Oh well, I hear they gotta repackage Matt Capotelli. Shoot, I actually thought he was going to be my first angry reader, but then he gets all polite and nice…shoot.
The Shepherd has returned, and he's bringing a flock of questions with him.
Been a while, but I've been dealing with ne'er do wells while concealing my identity in an El Generico mask. It's tits.
On to the randomness. Anyway, what's up with the blacks and ribs. Me not being black, I still found it a bit offensive, and think that the only way to rectify your "joke" would be to offend as many other races as possible.
And another thing, I think Carlito is the king of coming up short. It took forever for him to have a finisher. He has an incomplete entrance song. And I have no idea if he's a full-fledged heel or face. Sure he acts like a heel, but man how can you not cheer
some of his actions in the ring or his promos and vignettes.
What would you do with Helms? How do you make him credible after his loss to Lawler? Where can he go from here? The only guy who I thought was just as innovative as Kanyon is now supposedly a Christian clone from what the 411ers are saying? He's definitely becoming shits on my list.
Where do you see the whole HBK-McMahon feud going? Doesn't seem like much can be gained from it without the presence of Bret Hart.
Who do you see making a good long-term GM for Raw? I feel like that issue has been pushed away with the last PPV and Edge finally using his MITB clause.
Was it just me or did you not make a Lita joke in your last two articles? You're slippin.
Sorry, bro I got nothin groundbreakin to write about as I haven't been in the loop in a while. Just one request, put Andy Clark in his place.
-Still The Shepherd
El Generico is so tits, that he has a bad back. Actually, at least Foster e-mailed me back and let the rib joke slide, but to be honest, Asian folks like ribs too. We just like our short. I can't believe I missed out on the McRib too, guess I gotta make my own Korean McShortRib sammich. I'm not sure what kinda food white folks love, I assume a casserole of sorts. Which is basically a lazy wait to clean out your fridge and eat at the same time. Carlito is so on the cusp of something, but creative never commits to anything. I think he really needs to have a gimmick where he constantly tries to kill a chubby little boy but each time he fails it ends with hilarious results. They still got Rey Rey's kid kicking around right?
You know what I do with Helms? I move him to Smackdown or send him over to TNA. He's an undersized mid-carder who is over as a face and gets lost as a heel. Clearly he has run his course on RAW. There is no excuse for him to lose to Lawler what so ever.
Vince has this need to constantly give himself a BJ every 6 months, this is just another example of him taking the spotlight and time away from wrestlers who really need it in order to promote himself. If Bret hart doesn't figure a way into this equation then basically this was pointless. As far as a GM for RAW, my choices are as follows: Paul Heyman, The Boogeyman, The guy who looked like Mexican George Michaels from Color Me Badd, El Dandy, or Csonka. Cuz' he ain't got enough to do around here.
It's hard coming up with something for Lita every week. Then again, there is always someone coming up with something hard for Lita every week. Usually 4 or 5 guys at a time. But I digress.
Personally I think all things considered Andy Clark put together a decent little column for his first time out. He reminds me of a young man who casually tried out for a writing contest not too long ago thinking he didn't stand a chance. Not only did he stand a chance, he defied the odds to not only make it to the top 12, but climb the ladder towards IWC infamy. The name of that talented and bright eyed younger was none other than …Evan Young. Seriously, what happened to him. I thought he had Clark BEAT.
Great googly moogly…I get my first real live hate mail. And look who it's from!!
Bayani,
You're a fucking douche. Have a nice day!
Andy Clark
You'd think they'd be more to that e-mail… like a "j/k" or "psyke" or something, but alas…no. Actually there was, but I think its best to save that for another day, when you all put your children and elderly to bed, because it is not meant for the eyes of the young and feeble. I think we know that this feud is going to culminate in a Hell in the Cell match… or another great blow off match like… Byte This! re-capper on a pole match.
Madmex is back…but he's not even mad. That's just false advertising then. Truth be told…. Some people prefer Justin over Kelly, Clay over Rueben, peanut butter over chocolate, chocolate over peanut butter… nah… I like both… where's my Reese's Peanut Butter Cup @? Probably with Konnan's dogs. That bastard. ANDY CLARK WILL NOT DIE….. (Paid for by the ADDA)
Who the hell prefers Justin over Kelly or Clay over Ruben? I think the people you are referring to also prefer spandex over denim, proctologists over nurses, and skins vs shirts. I think Konnan must have finally found his dogs cuz' he didn't have to ask about them once on Impact last week. I'm glad he found a new stable. I think Los Boriquas 2K6 will be on like Donkey Kong in the future. Damn, Andy Clark is getting' more bumps in my column than Snitsky's back. I'm not sure what ADDA stands for, but I'm assuming it means Adult Defecation Disorder Association. A small smarky IWC set that just takes a dump on everything. Now that is "shits". Although, Reese's is "tits" personified. Can't eat just one, just like Vince McMahon at the Diva Search.
SoUpBoY20 writes in with a cryptic yet appreciated e-mail.
Excellent
I had to print it. I enjoy it when people just kinda throw words out at me like "Cumin" or "Toe pick".
Left Overs…
Juventud was released from WWE recently. Many expect him to show up in TNA after his 90 days are up. TNA issued this statement earlier today, " TNA stands for Total Non-Stop Action, not Total Narcotic Addicts, TNA will not be the dumping ground for every drugged up WWE cast off that comes along….Now join us this Saturday on Impact! as Sean Waltman battles Jeff Hardy in the ring for the residue left in BG James' pipe".
Gregory Helms lost to The King at NYR. Someone call time because his push has officially flatlined. I guess the ex-superhero be on the Kryptonite, he be on the Kryptonite. Damn, I just realized anyone who doesn't listen to hip hop isn't going to get that joke. Uh, what about ‘he's got friends, in LOW places'.
Steph and Triple H are expecting a new edition to the McMahon-Levesque family. The "lil' Game" will be born into wrestling royalty when he/she finally arrives. I hope this means we'll see less of Stephanie on TV. Its gotta be tough those, the swollen ankles, water weight, constant craving for weird shit like Chili cheese Frito's and White Castle Burgers, not to mention the hormones. Its going to be a B*TCH to put up with Triple H for the next 9 months.
Dawn Marie is suing the WWE over a wrongful dismissal. Her argument is that she was fired due to her medical condition. Hulk Hogan set a precedence for this kind of case when he was came back after a physical deformity developed in his spine, making him incapable of laying on his back for more than 2 seconds.
Edge winning the title at NYR wasn't much of a surprise. I still can't believe after he won the title he is still sticking with that ridiculous belt. Then again, that's currently the only thing around his waist that has only been held by ONE man.
Why haven't you people told me about www.youtube.com before? I finally got to see Samoa Joe vs KENTA and my GOD that match looked brutal. MOTY? Debatable, but it was definitely on my list. You gotta give it up to RoH for bringing in stars to really shore up their roster. TNA had been doing this for over a year now as well. WWE is on the cusp of tapping into the international market… wait… we are considering Brock Japanese now right?
Charlie Haas has been rumored to have signed a deal with WWE. This is good news for TNA fans since Jackie Gayda is a part of the show so TNA may FINALLY get their chance to be on top of WWE this year.
The Gymini's debut as Simon Dean's tag team on Smackdown this week in a match. The Gymini's are better known as the Shane twins, but also wrestled as the Johnsons in TNA. Unfortunately they did not keep that name and it deprived the fans of a possible meeting of the Dicks and Johnsons in the squared circle. Otherwise known as Lita.
One of my New Year's resolutions this year is to get more plugs on other columns. BeeThinks I have pissed off a few too many people in my past columns. Man, so this is what its like to be Juvi. Wait…except I'm not quite as high as him when I'm at work. Just kidding. I am.
PWG was a blast last weekend as Team No Sell defeated Cape Fear in a competitive bout. It was lacking in TNA influence, but the Double C/Chris Hero match was entertaining. Of note was that the place actually ran out of seats and attendance was unexpectedly higher than usual. I credit that mainly to the recent addition of nachos and hot dogs to the event. Yep, nothing like a hot dog…at the Jewish Community Center. The irony of that almost made choke on my Bacon and pork chop sandwich.
I was wondering what YOU the viewing public think about the columnists here at 411. If you had to pick your favorite columnists, re-cappers, and newsies and compare them to a wrestler, who would they be? Who's "Phenomenal", who's "The Game", and who's "Captain Charisma"? I think we can all agree though who is "Positively" Meehan.
I'm surprised the staff at 411 never had their own Year End awards. You know, Columnist of the Year, Recapper of the Year, ROY, Most likely to Write for PWInsider, and Most Likely to get Ole Kicked by Samoa Joe.
Kid Kash has apparently broken his arm and will be out indefnately. This follows a disturbing trend of Title holders getting injured on Smackdown. First it was Batista, then Booker T, then Kid Kash, I'm really worried for the Tag Champs right now. I'd hate for Melina to pull a groin muscle during her ring entrance, but if she does, I'd happily volunteer to be the one to pull it.
I recently learned of a stable down in FIP that Dave Prazak has put together called DP associates consisting of: Samoa Joe, Bryan Danielseon, Austin Aries, Jimmy Rave, Adam Pierce, and Fast Eddie Vegas. This seems like an incredible group and includes many RoH stars that are currently feuding against each other. I guess the name DP associates makes sense because if you had to face Samoa Joe and American Dragon…you'd be f*ck both ways.
That's right Matt… you showed that Lita and Edge that you would not die. You also showed them that you would not win, you would not main event, and you would not matter. When you think about it, the only reason Edge really got such heat as a heel and got people caring is because he cheated on his wife with Lita and stole her from Matt. So basically the reward for adultery is a title run…and crabs.
Leave it to my readers to come through with a picture of the "money shot" a week ago on RAW. An "anonymous source" hooked me up with this. Anybody up for a game of "Beat this Caption"?? Give it a shot.
Somewhere there is a masturbating Australian trying type up an Evolution Schematic with one hand
I just re-read the teaser for my column this week and somehow the prospect of actually seeing a live nude girl beat the hell out of a dead nude girl… is kinda intriguing. Damn, I need help. Seriously. I'm debating whether I'll be really updating my blog on my profile. Not sure if people care or not because I doubt anyone is sitting at their computers just waiting for Friday to come because they just can't get enough of TBT and need their smart ass fix before the weekend. We'll see. Well next week I'd like to open up floor to anyone with any questions or any opinions they wanna air. I'll pretty much discuss anything you want because quite frankly… I'm running out of Lita jokes. I'm not out, I'm just running low, and I'm not ready to dip into my Candice bag yet. Although, I'm sure there are quite a few that have dipped into her already. Shoot, I guess it started early. Well at least I stayed away from the "dipping into the Booker T-Bag" jokes for now.
