The Sunday Small-For-All News Report 01.15.06
Posted by Jeff Small on 01.15.2006
I Would Promise Live Sex but My Hand is Too Tired After All of This Typing...
Welcome to the second-ever edition of the Sunday Small-For-All News Report. Originally, I feared a slow day of news; however, today I get to share with you my thoughts on title changes, live sex, and tonight's TNA PPV. But before I get into all of that …
Feedback on the first column was mainly positive. First the negatives: I goofed on one date (Valentine's Day is on a Tuesday, not Monday) but that's not a biggie. Also, I forgot to include news about Billy Gunn's YouTube shoot on Triple H. But really, even the writers of Deadwood would blush at Mr. Ass's pottymouth. What went over well was my simulation of New Year's Revolution with the Smackdown vs. Raw 2006 video game. Surprisingly, the game predicted more matches correct than I did. If it wasn't for Triple H (and who doesn't bet on Triple H), I would have been 0 for 6 with predictions. And that's not cool.
With that being said, there is no Final Resolution simulation today. That said, it's not because I hate TNA but because it will take me a while to create a TNA roster. The game already provides me with about 20 current WWE superstars, about 10 unemployed superstars, 3 different Hulk Hogans, and 1 TNA member, Christian. In addition, the game only allows for 30 CAWS to be saved. While I know some characters (for example The King) will only be used once, it's going to take some maneuvering on my part to keep an updated WWE and TNA roster. But keep cool kiddos for I will debut the simulation of TNA PPVs starting with Against All Odds next month.
Heck the next week is going to be busy for me. In addition to my two mainstays (this column and my Final Fantasy Heat Report), I will be doing a review of The Best of Jerry the King Lawler and a special Final Fantasy edition that will fully break down WWE Fantasy Season 6. Now, who's the hardest working person here at 411Mania? That would be Csonka, of course.
Enough blabbing from me, let's bring on the news!
WWE Newz of the Weak DOOD
The Tale of Two Titles
The big news of the week is that after 280 days or so of inactivity, both the WWE and World Championships changed hands. On the Raw brand, we saw Edge finally use his Money in the Bank shot to defeat a weakened John Cena at New Year's Revolution. On Smackdown, the World Championship left the muscular grips of Big Dave Batista and was put up for grabs in a battle royal. Kurt Angle, from Raw, proceeded to hold the whole Smackdown locker room down to win the title.
Let's first talk about Edge. After winning his first title at the PPV, last week's Raw should have answered certain questions about his reign including: who will be his first opponent, will he get the opening interview slot, and will he really have torrid sex with Lita. After Raw, the answers were John Cena, no, and nope. Heck, while Edge drew good heat, he did not even get his own belt (as JD, Csonka, and others pointed out) which is not a good sign.
This leads me to my next question: will Edge be only a transitional champion or will he make it to Wrestlemania as champ? Here's my thoughts. While it looks like Edge vs. Cena is penciled in for the Royal Rumble, I believe that due to Cena's attack on Edge at the end of Raw, he will be stripped of his shot. If you remember correctly, Vince McMahon said that if Cena interfered, he will lose his title shot. Since Cena should now have to enter the Royal Rumble in order for him to get a chance at winning his belt back, his suitable replacement for the championship match will be Ric Flair. After Raw, Edge/Flair does not look to be done and this will allow for Edge to make it to the Rumble as champion and it will throw another big name into the Rumble match. Plus, it will allow the WWE to get a taste of the reaction to a Triple H/John Cena summer feud by having them lock up in the Rumble match. Genius, I say.
On the Smackdown side of things, Kurt Angle is the new champion. There aren't many wrestlers that could have replaced Batista as the champion and bring stability to the Smackdown roster. Hence, Kurt Angle as champion is a good move for a couple of reasons. First, it ups the match quality on Smackdown as Kurt Angle can mix it up with almost anyone. Second, Angle was on Smackdown long enough that people who stopped watching the show will never know that he was missing. Thirdly, it sets up a potential showstealer at the Royal Rumble and allows for most of the rumored Smackdown main events at Wrestlemania to happen (well except for a match against Orton).
What do I mean about that last line? First, I believe that Angle will try to get out of his match against Michaels for Raw, which Vinne Mac will oblige to seeing as he's trying to screw over HBK. However, a Kurt Angle/Shawn Michaels match for the Royal Rumble will be made. Either they can move Michaels over to Smackdown! (which would allow for a JBL feud at Wrestlemania) or just have it be inter-promotional since we all know that Michaels won't be winning this match. Then Angle can move onto Taker, Mysterio, or someone else for Wrestlemania.
I apologize if I did too much Fantasy booking above, but you have to realize that part of the fun for me (and many others) being a wrestling fan is to wonder what will happen next. Of course, both you and I will be disappointed in what will end up happening (Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle, anyone?), but it's still fun to do regardless.
So to end this segment, here's my predicted Royal Rumble card:
Please laugh at me next week when I get it all wrong (especially since Edge vs. Flair is slated for Raw).
In other news…
The early estimates are in for last month's Armageddon PPV and the show did its best buyrate since 2002. They early number for the show is around 290,000, which is great for a Smackdown PPV and not that far behind the 375,000 early estimate that Survivor Series did. (Credit: pwINSider).
I'm quite shocked about this considering December PPV numbers are usually dreadful. This should prove that Hell in the Cell is still a draw considering it provided the largest single brand buyrates of the year. In fact, I believe that while the quality of 2005 WWE PPVs were down for the year, the total buyrates were up for the year. Using the Wrestling Observer newsletter for this year's numbers in addition to the WWE Corporate page for last year's, this is what I found.
New Year's Revolution 2005 - 367,000 (does not count for this experiment) Royal Rumble 2004 - 600,000 Royal Rumble 2005 - 570,000 No Way Out 2004 - 280,000 No Way Out 2005 - 238,000 Wrestlemania 20 - 890,000 WrestleMania 21 - 985,000 Backlash 2004 - 300,000 Backlash 2005 - 310,000 Judgment Day 2004 - 250,000 Judgment Day 2005 - 260,000 Bad Blood 2004 - 300,000 ECW One Night Stand - 330,000 Vengeance 2004 - 250,000 Vengeance 2005 - 427,000 Great American Bash '04 - 240,000 Great American Bash ‘05 - 290,000 Summerslam '04 - 425,000 SummerSlam ‘05 - 650,000 Unforgiven 2004 - 260,000 Unforgiven 2005 - 240,000 No Mercy 2004 - 225,000 No Mercy 2005 - 230,000 Taboo Tuesday 2004 - 210,000 Taboo Tuesday 2005 - 225,000 Survivor Series 2004 - 400,000 Survivor Series 2005 - 375,000 Armageddon 2004 - 270,000 Armageddon 2005 - 290,000
So there we have it. Only four PPVs: the Rumble (which is understandable considering there was an earlier PPV in that month), No Way Out, Unforgiven (damn that Masterpiece), and Survivor Series had better 2004 buyrates. Sure the UK market has some influence in the increase of buyrates, but still, things are looking good for the WWE.
According to Yahoo, searches for Lita are up 151%, mostly due to people wanting to see pictures of her nip slip from RAW. (CREDIT: PWinsider)
God bless the horny male American public. I'm hoping this isn't the first time for some people seeing a nipple. If so, stop reading this and find yourself some porn. Or get a girlfriend. Porn's much easier, though.
In our WTF news of the week…Trinity starts imminently on the main WWE roster playing the female half of a male/female love interest role for the new bisexual Orlando Jordan character. (CREDIT: WrestlingObserver)
I guess JBL's shower lessons have finally taught our favorite Billy Blanks wannabe something. In all seriousness, once this angle bombs (and rightfully so) only Trinity will come out of it okay. That's fine with me considering she's the better wrestler.
Former WWE Diva Dawn Marie has filed a complaint against WWE with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, claiming wrongful termination from her release last year while she was pregnant and mental duress stemming from that release. (Credit: PWINSIDER)
Good for Dawn Marie. It was pretty messed up of the WWE to release her during her pregnancy. Considering she can't make that much money, they could have kept her around and cut a different superstar: say that Shelton Benjamin guy. He's quite the waste of a talent.
WWE developmental talent Angel Williams will be brought up to Smackdown soon, stemming from an angle involving JBL and Jillian Hall that will aired on Smackdown. (Credit: 411)
Last week, while writing this column, I read the rumors that the Boogeyman would eat Jillian's mole and this chick would take Jillian's place in the storylines on the 411 Message Boards. I did not believe it for one second. Of course, it had to have happened. By the way, I heard that the mole tasted like chicken.
In our weekly Dancing with the Stars news, Stacy Kiebler got the highest marks of the second round (a 29 out of 30) and was not eliminated on Friday.
Thankfully, Master P was not eliminated. With his dancing talent, there is no limit to what he can accomplish.
In Lesnar news… Brock Lesnar and Rena "Sable" Mero have officially gotten married. AND WWE is filing another injunction on Brock Lesnar for "further breaching the Settlement Agreement and General Release of All Claims" (the "Settlement Agreement") between WWE and Lesnar". (Credit: 1 Wrestling)
I'll leave it to Larry to do his whole dancing Brock routine. With the Smackdown roster in such disarray, here's hoping that the guy with two shitty tattoos will get a higher contract offer from the WWE. Sure he could go to TNA and rekindle his epic feud with Shannon Moore. But I would really rather see a Brock/Boogeyman feud. That would totally reek of awesomeness.
TNA Newz of the Weak DOODETTES
TNA will be holding a house show March 17th in Detroit at the Compuware Sports Arena in Plymouth, Michigan. The building can hold around 4,500 people for a wrestling event. It appears that The Insane Clown Posse's Psychopathic Records will be promoting the show. Tickets go on sale from Ticketmaster this Monday. (Credit: 411)
Excellent move on TNA's part by getting a sponsor/promoter for their house show. This way they can save money on the cost of running the show and also be able to gauge interest in places outside of Orlando. Here's hoping that the ICP does commentary for the event and TNA releases the house show on DVD or streaming on their website.
Jay Lethal is scheduled for the TNA Impact tapings this week. Rumor is that the WWE is interested in him, but with the appearance on the pre-show and another round of Impact tapings, TNA may have finally offered him a deal. (Credit: PWInsider)
Good for Jay Lethal. While the WWE is still the #1 brand of sports entertainment, Lethal would fit in much better with his ROH buddies in TNA. Let's see his involvement during the pre-show before we judge if he was offered a deal or not. Remember how Nigel McGuiness got a tryout during the preshow and was squashed by Shark Boy.
Sting did a conference call with TNA to promote the upcoming Final Resolution PPV. Here are some of the highlights of the call: (Credit: PW Insider)
He spoke openly about religion including his thoughts on Eddie Guerrero (very sad), Shawn Michaels (believes he's the leader of the light in the WWE), and sex in the WWE
Why he chose TNA over WWE (the WWE travels too much including a very large international tour for 2006)
Would love to work with Abyss, Samoa Joe, and the Rock
Scott Hall invented the Crow look which he will still be using in TNA
Nothing but good things to say about Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, and Vince McMahon (to an extent)
Would like to see the ULTIMATE WARRIOR in TNA
Outside of the last comment about the Ultimate Warrior, Sting gave a truthful and interesting commentary. Of course, they totally glance over that Sting already feuded with Jeff Jarrett in 2003 in TNA, but more power to them. Here's hoping that Sting is much more successful in TNA than his fellow WCW counterparts including Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Macho Man Randy Savage, Hulk Hogan, DDP, Lex Luger, Vince Russo, and countless others I'm probably forgetting.
On that mindset, I have a PPV to preview…
TNA Final Resolution Preview and Why I Ain't Interested
I am not anti-TNA. While I prefer watching the WWE, I do acknowledge and recognize the importance of having an alternative in the wrestling world. When I watch TNA, I watch for wrestling purposes considering that most of their storylines suck (the 8 month Kip James saga) or non-existent. I do not fault the company for most of their non-existent storylines considering they only have 4 hours a week to promote a PPV. In fact, it's not fair to compare TNA to the WWE considering that the WWE stresses entertainment and has been in this business for a much larger time, while TNA stresses a wrestling alternative.
With that said, I admit that I am not a loyal TNA Impact watcher. This is for two reasons. First, I am normally not home on Saturday nights. Considering my days at college are numbered, you can best believe that I am out partying in my apartment, at the bars, watching a movie, or something else. The thought of spending my Saturday night with a six-sided ring does not cross my mind. Second, I have grown accustomed to reading Csonka's TNA reports each week right here at 411Mania (cheap plug but it's the truth). When Csonka writes that there is a good match (like last week's 6 man tag) or a good segment (like the funeral for Team 3D), I check it out on the Monday replay. While I do not watch the company much, I have been following them since their weekly PPVs in 2002 by reading as much as I can about them. Truth is if I turn on Impact, there is a chance that I won't recognize who is wrestling; however, this does not mean that I do not know what's going on.
This leads me to tonight's PPV entitled Final Resolution. Personally, I believe that the lineups of the company's PPVs have taken a hit since August's Sacrifice. In fact, I believe that tomorrow night's lineup is the worst that company has had in months. Here's the lineup for those of you who are unaware:
MAIN EVENT
Sting & "Captain Charisma" Christian Cage vs. "King of the Mountain" Jeff Jarrett and "The Alpha Male" Monty Brown
X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
Samoa Joe (c) vs. "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels
NWA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
America's Most Wanted (c) vs. Team 3D
INTERNATIONAL X SHOWCASE
"The Phenomenal" AJ Styles vs. New Japan's Tanahashi
"The Man Beast" Rhino vs. "The Monster" Abyss w/ James Mitchell
Raven vs. An Opponent of Larry Z's Choosing (If Raven win, he gets a title shot. If he loses, he's fired)
Ron "The Truth" Killings vs. Booby Roode
My problems with TNA (and this lineup especially) has nothing to do with any of the wrestlers involved. Most wrestlers bust their ass for this company and I'm appreciative for that. My problems stem from their booking as at times I have no idea what their bookers are thinking. So here are my top complaints about tonight's PPV.
LAZY BOOKING AT THE TOP
TNA has the ability to put on a different and fresh World title match each month but chooses to stretch out all feuds with tag matches. While tag team main events are fun every once in a while, it seems like TNA's plans all revolve around the champion losing a tag match to a new contender and then retaining the title the following month. For six months last year (hell that's half of their PPVs), the company followed this formula. Most recently, in November at Genesis, Rhino and Team 3D defeated Jarrett and AMW; the following month, Jarrett retains against Rhino. At Sacrifice in August, Rhino and Jarrett defeat Raven (champ) and Sabu; the next month, Raven defeats Rhino. Lastly, in April at Lockdown, DDP's team defeated Jeff Jarrett (champion)'s team; the previous month, Jarrett retained against DDP. This is very trite booking and considering my next point there is no reason for this.
HOW MANY #1 CONTENDERS ARE THERE?
Let me get this straight: after the end of tonight's PPV, there could be four #1 contenders to Jeff Jarrett's belt. I know Jarrett loves to stroke his ego (and his opponents), but this is getting absurd. At the last two PPVs, two different men won a #1 contender's match: Christian and Monty Brown. At tonight's PPV, Raven can win a #1 contender shot and if Sting pins Jarrett in the tag match, he also has claims to a title shot. Unless the company plans a big multi-man PPV match at Against All Odds, there is no reason why there are so many contenders to the belt. This brings me back to my first point: why is there need for trite booking when there are so many "worthy" contenders?
MR. TNA IS GETTING SCREWED
Also known as the "Who the Fuck is Tanahashi?" problem. AJ Styles has been awarded Mr. TNA for the last two years, which makes sense considering he bounces back and forth from the X and Heavyweight divisions with ease. So why is he involved in a filler match tonight and will be headed to a feud with of all people, Shannon Moore? I understand the use a couple months back with Jushin Lyger, but most people in North America (including many of TNA's fans) have no idea who Tanahashi is. TNA hasn't helped as they could have at least produced a hype video of Tanahashi. Heck, while we all know that AJ won't be losing this match, it would have least brought a little more intrigue to the match.
Note to TNA bookers: your job is to make me interested in your match-ups and characters. MAKE ME INTERESTED. It's really not that tough.
NOTABLE EXCEPTIONS
With two matches already announced for the pre-show, is TNA serious about only having seven matches on this card? Without an ironman, elimination, or Ultimate X match, how is the company planning to fill out a 3 hour PPV? So let's look at the people who are currently not on the card.
The New Age Outlaws: so let me get this straight, the company spends about 8 months on a storyline to get this tag team together and then leaves them off the PPV. If Homicide's injury is to blame, I understand that. However, there must be an easy way to get them either on the card or at least on the pre-show. Have them fight some jobbers, I don't care.
Generation NEXT: TNA smartly puts together one of ROH's best stables and has them defeat AJ Styles, Chris Daniels, and Chris Sabin cleanly. So instead of having the group use this momentum and get onto the PPV, they are MIA. Have them fight the Diamonds in the Rough. Put them against Sabin, Shark Boy, and someone else (AJ Styles, if he wasn't fighting an "international superstar"). There are plenty of TNA wrestlers off this card that could benefit from a good match and a better payout.
Plus, why is Roode vs. Killings on the card, when both pre-show matches look more appealing. Can someone explain to me the booking of the three Roode/Killings matches a couple of weeks ago!
If TNA could just work out the kinks in their booking, then they would be a better alternative. The talent is already there. A better timeslot and house shows could be on the way. Hopefully, the booking for upcoming PPVs will be better. Every company can be excused a couple of shitty PPVs (hell, the WWE already had one a week ago).
Larry takes on helping Smackdown and follows that up with his weekly Wrestling's 3R's. Oh, read his TNA Impact reports too. Then you can be a jaded internet reporter like me!!!
Steve Sullivan gives his predictions about the future of OVW in 2006 here.
Boman thinks Vince is a racist! Read his column to find out why. Boman also writes about the different paths of two brothers here .
Truth B Told's teaser reminds me too much of Katie Vick. Read the column here.
There was a ROH event last night in Philadelphia. For all your info on ROH, go read Stu's column
Clarke-Rossi talk potential Rumble winners. They seem to love fantasy booking as much as I do.
Finally, Slimmer… no plugs for you!!!
Coming Attractions
Well this marks the end of this week's Sunday Small-For-All News Report. Next week will be quite interesting seeing as there is no PPV preview for me to talk about. Don't fret for I have suitable replacement as we will be doing an in-depth history of the thong in the WWE. It's been missing for a while and I'm curious to know where it has gone. Hey, if sex can increase television ratings, it can do no harm in my column. Until that time, read my blog, send me some feedback, and go look at the 411 Hall of Fame.
For the Sunday Small-For-All News Report, I'm Jeff Small… and you're not!
