News From Cook's Corner 01.19.05
Posted by Steve Cook on 01.19.2006
News, answers, hot chicks, what more can I do to appease you people? No, I can't write better...
"My prediction: Dana White hires Royce Gracie as Director of Authority. Why not?" – from an e-mail I sent a friend who also likes the MMA and the wrestling
I was actually pretty close on that one. Most of my predictions haven't been going very well recently, so I just thought I'd put myself over by mentioning it.
Opening Thoughts
The very first News From Cook's Corner was posted January 23rd, 2005. Unfortunately there will be no celebration because I'm lazy and put doing this column off until the very last minute. Maybe next year, assuming I don't get fired by then.
I watched 30 minutes of Smackdown, an hour of Raw, all of Impact, and none of Final Resolution. That'll make the "Who Owned Last Week?" section interesting, I'm sure.
You know, I like going to ROH shows as much as the next guy, and I'm looking forward to seeing Daniels vs. Joe on the 27th, but their treatment towards one of wrestling's best performers is ridiculous. Necro Butcher is better than most of ROH's roster, and it's absolutely insane that they wouldn't want him around. I wonder how Ari's going to explain this one…
I'm also disappointed that Chris Hero didn't win their title Saturday night. Hero was a bigger heel in ROH than just about anybody, and he only wrestled for them once. I was looking forward to seeing Hero in Dayton, but no, we get that William Regal look-alike Danielson instead. Booooooooooooo!
When did I ever annoy or piss off Csonka? And why is he in such a bad mood when the Steelers have more luck than any team on the planet?
SPOILER ALERT: For those of you who haven't watched 24 yet, scroll down to past the WWE news heading. I'll give you some space to do so.
I must admit that I am doing this column with a heavy heart…earlier this week one of my favorite 24 characters was killed off for no good reason. (well, actually two if you count David Palmer..but his death led to something, so I can't complain all that much about his demise.)
Godspeed, Michelle Dessler…we hardly knew ye.
WWE news
Heidenreich was released this week. PWinsida reported that he apparently checked himself into a hospital a few weeks back due to an ear infection and when WWE finally came to get him, assuming he was fine by then, he told them he could no longer handle being on the road and flew himself home. There's also rumors that he has been dealing with some family problems, and WWE might bring him back in the future after those are resolved.
Sure, Heidenreich was never that great of a wrestler, but he was very entertaining. Which is a lot more than can be said for certain other people on Smackdown.
coughrandyortoncough
On the bright side, Animal is expected to be repackaged as a singles wrestler. Dear Lord, why? I know Smackdown's hard up for talent as it is, but they wouldn't really lose anything if Animal stumbled off into the sunset. There's also a rumor that Animal might team with Matt Hardy, which would be even worse than Animal doing the singles thing.
HEI DEN REICH
HEI DEN REICH
HEI DEN REICH
HEI DEN REICH
Oh, sorry, just got Heidenreich's entrance theme in my head for a moment. That theme ruled. Much like Heidenreich ruled. Didn't you want to be his friend, WWE? How could you dispense of him this way? It just breaks my heart as a friend of Heidenreich that he would be released like this.
Yes, I was a friend of Heidenreich…that bastard JT sent in a picture of me for that thing they were doing on the website. It didn't make the cut though, much to the chagrin of millions of internet wrestling fans.
In what should be a surprise to absolutely no one, the Ultimate Warrior has sued WWE & Vince & Linda McMahon over the content of the "Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior" DVD. I would say he might have a good chance of winning if I was convinced that he wouldn't try to defend himself. If he does, Court TV needs to air the trial live so we can witness the hilarity.
Warrior Warrior might be a good lawyer, but he's no Denny Crane.
WWE has sent former Four Horsemen member Tully Blanchard a Legends contract. He has refused to sign it unless they agree not to test him for drugs.
Speaking of drugs, there was a drug policy update that said they still plan on having one. Seriously, that was the extent of it.
The Wrestling Observer reports that Johnny Ace is getting quite a bit of heat in the locker room these days, this time because he hired Juventud and Vito despite people complaining about them beforehand. Vito is apparently on the shit list for roughing up enhancement talent and generally being tough to be around. Ace is also blaming Rey Mysterio for recommending that Juvi Juice be brought in, when apparently Mysterio and Juvi haven't gotten along for years and Rey just recommended Psicosis and Super Crazy. The only bad thing about Johnny Ace being fired would be that people like me would have less to write about.
That's why I fully support keeping him around.
Oleg Prudius has signed with WWE. This is the guy who Jerry Jarrett brought to WWE headquarters a little while back when WWE was trying to generate site traffic on a slow news day. I've got nothing else.
There is talk of having a relationship storyline with the Boogeyman and Jillian Hall. Because we all know that girls like guys that bite their facial growths off and stick worms down their skirt. No wonder I can't get laid.
Ric Flair was interviewed by the Miami Herald, and mentioned that he was very interested in running for Governor of North Carolina. Usually I support wrestlers that get involved in politics, but I'm not sure that Flair's the kind of guy for it. Especially since he's a Republican.
The return of WWE Saturday Night Main Event is scheduled for March 18th at Detroit's Cobo Hall. I guess somebody at WWE got tired of misspelling "Joe Louis Arena" every time they had a show in Detroit. Seriously though, how do they keep spelling it "Joe Lewis Arena", especially since they've been having shows there for years? You'd think somebody who works for the arena would have pointed it out by now.
TNA news
TNA announced its first house show yesterday, which will be taking place on March 17th in Plymouth, Michigan. Those of you who read the last section might notice that this is a day before the Saturday Night's Main Event taping in Detroit. Before you think this is a bad thing, realize that Ring of Honor's largest attended show of all time took place on WrestleMania XX weekend in New Jersey. So two companies running shows in the same area on back to back nights isn't exactly a bad thing. It's good, especially for the fans in that area.
The show is being promoted by the Insane Clown Posse, who do a really good job of promoting their stuff, even if a lot of people hate it. Having been to a couple ICP shows, I can pretty much guarantee that the Juggalo pit puts to shame that thing they call a "pit" at the Impact Zone. If somebody tries a Bentley Bounce, they'll get bounced into the next zip code.
The turnout for Final Resolution was pretty good, as around four hundred fans were turned away at the door. This was credited to Sting's return, which is a good thing considering their investment in him. I can already hear people complaining over his upcoming NWA title run, but that's just how it goes sometimes.
Apolo missed the Final Resolution show because his flight took off later than expected, and was still in the air while the show was starting. I'm not the biggest of Apolo's fans, but that's a tough break for him. He shouldn't have to worry about losing his job though…
If Sean Waltman can resurface in TNA AGAIN, I don't see how anybody can get fired by that company. Luckily, there seem to be no further plans to use him. Couldn't they have just brought in somebody else, like Sandman? Damn, I want Sandman to appear on some wrestling show. Give me 50 CCs of adrenaline, STAT!
Jay Lethal has reportedly been signed by TNA. I've seen Lethal a few times and haven't been very impressed, but wrestling always needs some good jobbers. Meanwhile, they keep teasing me by having Norman Smiley backstage but not having him do anything. I demand the Big Wiggle on my television ASAP!
Speaking of people backstage, Matt Morgan was backstage at Final Resolution visiting friends. I thought Morgan had as much potential as any other big guy at his age, but don't know if he'd fit into TNA very well. With Kevin Nash gone, Morgan's a good 6 inches taller than just about anybody else they've got.
More backstage news! Scotty 2 Hotty was backstage at the Impact tapings. I would say that was weird since Smackdown also tapes on Tuesday, but I can't remember the last time Scotty 2 Hotty was on Smackdown, so it's not like he had anything better to do.
Other wrestling news
Twenty spectators at a wrestling match in Kabul, Afghanistan were killed when a motorbike weaved into the crowd and exploded in flames. The attacker had explosives strapped to his body. At least twenty people were killed, and thirty were wounded, some losing arms and legs.
That's pretty much all the other wrestling news. Sprinkle in El Texano and Ricky Romero dying, and it's been a pretty rough week.
And people say school uniforms are a bad thing…
Who Owned Last Week?
No Lita boobs this week…management gets pissy about these sorts of things.
Abyss - From Larry's Final Resolution recap:
Shane Douglas with Jim Mitchell and Abyss. He wants to know what Mitchell says about Sting. Sting will be the end of TNA.
Abyss: "RAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!"
Mitchell: Rhino may be fierce, but he is too obsessed with his personal life instead of wrestling, and that's why he isn't champion anymore. Rhino, you are an endangered species, and my weapon of mass destruction will crash you down to earth.
Abyss: "RAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!"
Mitchell: Tonight, Abyss has to scheduled for extinction!
Abyss: "RAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!"
Abyss, a man of few words.
Edge - I'll give him credit, he took some pretty nice bumps in that TLC match. It wasn't a classic match like some people would have you believe, but the guy put it all out there and I respect him for that. I'm still not quite buying into him as a champion, and that weak-ass spear on Flair after the match didn't help matters.
Samoa Joe - He killed Cassidy Riley and Christopher Daniels…not bad for a week's work, I suppose.
Shelton Benjamin…and his Mama? - OK, sue me. Mama makes me laugh, and Shelton's playing his role very well. Their reaction to Big Show coming out was hilarious, and Shelton egging on his mama to talk smack to the Big Show while hiding behind her was good entertainment. Looks like Shelton's finally finding his voice.
Sting - Sting looks to be ready for that final run. Yes, I realize people were saying similar things about Ric Flair 10 years ago. Speaking of Flair…
This Week in Wrestling History
January 19, 1992 – The greatest Royal Rumble match of all time takes place. The only one that can make a real case against it is the 2004 edition, but I think this one still takes the cake as the best of all time. There are several reasons why…
-The talent in this match was extraordinary. Where else are you going to see Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Undertaker, Roddy Piper, Jake Roberts, Davey Boy Smith, Ted Dibase, Shawn Michaels, Kerry Von Erich, Sid Justice, Sgt. Slaughter, Rick Martel, Bezerker, Nikolai Volkoff, Repo Man, Tito Santana, Greg Valentine, Big Boss Man and Ric Flair all in the same match? It really showcased how deep the WWF roster was at that time.
-Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan's call of the match was more memorable than any other announce team's call of any other match I've ever seen. Heenan spazzing out every time Flair was almost eliminated was classic, and Monsoon's badgering him throughout the match helped the match's importance, which is strange because usually announcers bickering can take away from a match. Their work made the match even better than it was.
-Ric Flair was at his best for over 60 minutes.
I've watched this match several times since I purchased the Flair Collection, and it still holds up as a classic. It was also a historical moment, as Flair won the WWF title for the first time, giving him eight world championships if memory serves me correctly.
Plugs
I wrote a profile on Ricky Steamboat ages ago, and it's finally up in the Hall of Fame section. Other than the fact that I get fairly repetitive with my choice of wording, it's not a bad read.
Csonka looks at TNA's worst matches. I'm hoping Clark will recap the 36 worst WWE matches from 2005 to match his earlier column, but I'm not holding my breath.
Let's give JT credit for doing a really long Byte This recap. Kennedy.
Final Thought
I have no real ideas for how I should close this column. So I decided to check out the Fan Forum and answer some questions they posed in thread titles. That could be fun. Or not. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes……
Raw Forum:
Where does Kurt Angle go from here?
Smackdown, duh.
WWE telling us the Rumble winner right to our face?
Probably not, because I have no idea who you're talking about.
God, how many commercials can you pack into one match?
I think God has bigger concerns than how many commercials go into one wrestling match. Then again, Larry tells me that God picks the Steelers to win football games every week. So who knows?
Smackdown forum:
How about Mysterio for the World Title match at Wrestlemania?
Depends on if they want to keep Angle face or not. I don't think Rey is a believable World Champion, but I'd have no problem with him getting a title shot at a big PPV.
WTF TIM WHITE?
You'd want to kill yourself too if Earl Hebner was pushed as being a better referee than you for years.
Where the Hell is Hardcore Holly?
Probably wherever the Bashams went.
The TNA forum has no questions, so we'll move on to the General Wrestling Forum.
Should Colt Cabana go to WWE?
Probably not. I love Cabana, and he's got the personality to make it big there, but he's better off in an indy environment. TNA might be a better fit for him, unless WWE wanted to team him with CM Punk.
Ralphus is dead?
He wasn't when he was on TV?
Let's go to Writer's Island and see if they have any questions there…
Should I ban Gavin Napier?
Sure.
What happened to Hyatte?
I heard she got fat and accused New Jack of trying to kidnap her.
Can you guys hire some writers who aren't dumbass nerds?
Obviously not, though we're looking into getting some message board posters who aren't…you get the picture. :)
OK, I think that's enough question answering for one day. If you have any questions before my return next week, my inbox is always open.
