News to Start Your Weekend 01.27.06
Posted by Nick Marsico on 01.27.2006
Royal Rumble stuff, I get some emails again, I answer those emails, and there's news, too. News on guys like Bobcore Holly and Tyson Tomko. Ok, I'm kidding.
You know, I was sitting here, getting ready to start writing this bastion of excellence that some people take pleasure in calling the "News to Start Your Weekend", and I thought to my self "Gosh darn it, Nick, another week and no new emails. You are a pathetic young fellow." Then I checked my starred emails in my GMail service, and lo and behold, I had 3 replies to last week's column! I found myself overjoyed and said out loud "Wow, I do actually have emails. I'm SPECIAL!" And then I wrote this.
And now I regret writing this paragraph that greatly lacks humor. I am ashamed.
THE NEWS WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER
He's highly regarded, is he?
The members of the Spirit Squad from RAW were Ken Doane, Mike Mondo, Nick Mitchell, Johnny Jeter, and Nick Nemeth. Doane is from OVW and is regarded as one of WWE's top prospects and a future main eventer. Mitchell competed in Tough Enough last year. Nemeth is the guy who played Chavo Guerrero's caddy for awhile.
Really? They think he's going to be a future main eventer? Well then why the fuck would they bring him up in a dead-end gimmick like this garbage? I just asked three questions, did I think that would accomplish anything? Fuck, though, huh? I can't understand what the reasoning was for bringing this gimmick together was, and why they felt it would work. I'm being honest. Jeter is really good and he's got terrific charisma, Doane certainly seems to have more than the potential to be in the main events for WWE in the future, Nick Nemeth plays a really good underdog role as more of a pure wrestler, Mitchell could probably be decent in a tag team (I'm never actually seen him wrestle, but he's from Tough Enough with no prior experience, how good could he be?), and Mondo is decent, but I don't think he would ever make it to WWE television without some stupid gimmick like this.
I better be proven SOOOOOO wrong, though. Chances are this will be a complete train wreck and won't last more than a couple months, and after it ends, all of the guys will just be sent back down to OVW and stay there for too long because WWE, doesn't, much like with half of the rest of their roster, have anything to do with them. UGH.
Lance Storm returns!
Former WWE star Lance Storm will be coming out of retirement to work the 4/1 Ring of Honor show at the Frontier Fieldhouse in Chicago Ridge, Illinois. He will be facing ROH Champion American Dragon Bryan Danielson.
Awesome! I have it under decent authority that Danielson won't be champion by then (which would be a shame), but the match is set to happen either way. This is going to be one of those DVDs like Joe vs. Kobashi that I'll buy well out of order from the rest of the shows I want to watch just because of one match.
SmackDown! is safe
As reported today, the WB Network and UPN are merging into a new network called The CW Network (The CBS-Warner Network). WWE Smackdown of course airs on UPN and is one of the network's highest rated shows. Smackdown would also be one of WB's highest rated shows if it was on that network. In a press release earlier today, it was mentioned that Smackdown would have a role on the new CW Network. It should be noted though that often mergers like this can lead to drastic programming changes which is what contributed to WCW being dropped from programming following the AOL-Time Warner merger.
Is it wrong that my biggest interest in this whole deal is that I want to know what the logo of this new "CW" channel will look like?
Come on, Stacy
In an interview with Access Hollywood, Stacy Keibler says she has been offered a few hundred thousand dollars to pose for Playboy but said she wouldn't pose even for two million dollars, saying she doesn't want to show it all off. Stacy said that the few hundred thousand is more than she has ever made in a year from wrestling. She said if she was destined to have a million dollars she would get it elsewhere.
Why, Stacy, Why? Instead we'll just get Candice, who's already been in Playboy, and then they'll probably just hire some new nobody who has probably already posed nude somewhere (maybe Ashley will be next, whoop-de-fucking-do) and nobody will be waiting fervently to see it. I want Trish, Lita, Victoria, Stacy, Lillian and Maria (in that order, more or less) to do Playboy before any of the boring other girls that are more likely to do it. Oh, and of course Steph is on the top of that list, even after she has a baby. But come on, Stacy, why not? You've worn next to nothing in the middle of a wrestling ring in front of 20,000 people live and millions at home multiple times in the past, what's wrong with wearing nothing in front of a few people with however many people who buy Playboy also seeing it? BOOOOOOOOO
Samoa Joe gets staph infection
Ring of Honor released the following:
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to get word out as quickly as possible. Samoa Joe has been forced to cancel this weekend due to a severe staph infection. We are very fortunate in that we have secured Low Ki as his replacement. We'll have word on the new matches for this weekend by tomorrow morning.
Samoa Joe wants to send his apologies to all the ROH fans. It is unsafe for him and the entire roster to wrestle with a severe staph infection. This could lead to the entire roster getting staph infections since it can be spread on the canvas. I actually recently saw something on HBO about staph infections and they can spread very easily and can cause some very serious health problems.
Check back by morning for the revised lineups.
Sorry and thank you,
Gabe
And Joe himself wrote about it:
"Just to let everyone know what is going on. After my last show in Detroit I noticed a small cut underneath my right arm right near the armpit. It was a little red and irritated so I cleaned it and paid it no mind. Over the next few days it had swollen (to about the size of a large marble) and I decided to head to the doctor right away.
As I suspected the doctor diagnosed it as a pretty severe Staph infection and I am now on antibiotics. Next week I will be looking into getting it drained. If anything my non-participation this weekend is not only for my safety but the safety of my co-workers in ROH. The last thing anyone needs is a epidemic and for something like this to spread.
A note to indy promoters out there.
WASH your CANVASES!!!
I am surprised I have actually gone this long unaffected. It takes nothing more than some diluted bleach and a handtowel wipe down to prevent this type of stuff from afflicting your wrestlers.
I apologize to the fans of the Midwest this weekend and I promise I will do my best to make it up to you all next time ROH swings through the midwest.
My special thanks to Gabe Sapolsky and the Ring of Honor office for being VERY understanding. Regardless Low Ki has been added to the shows so rest assured I should not be missed too much."
Good luck and a speedy recovery, sir. There's no need to apologize for anything like this, especially with everything you've given in your short career up to this point.
To update on the SmackDown! situation…
Variety reports that WWE and UPN did work out a new deal for Smackdown prior to the merger with WB and that WWE was telling workers at the Smackdown taping last night that a new deal has been reached. The new deal will apparently keep Smackdown on the air for at least two more seasons. The Variety article is available here.
I still just want to see the CW logo. Maybe a preview?
You think anybody already made this joke? I wouldn't know, since I read like, one other article from this site. Alert me if they have, praise me if I'm first.
New talent signed
WWE has signed Chris Raaber to a developmental deal. Raaber has been going as Chris the Bambikiller.
Hey, good luck to Mister Raaber. Speaking of him, the man who trained him, Dory Funk, Jr, will be on my radio show THIS SATURDAY NIGHT! 8 PM EST on RocketBusta Radio, we will be interviewing the legend. Check out the show at eXtreme Indie Radio or on our aforementioned website.
RAW on TSN
In an interesting move, TSN in Canada will air RAW live on 2/13 even though it will be preempted on USA Network due to the annual dog show.
Fucking Canadians. Hey, somebody get me a plane ticket to somewhere in Canada for my birthday. Meh, RAW will probably suck anyway, I'll just watch a Ring of Honor DVD. Suck it, Westminster.
Undertaker not happy
Apparently an incident involving The Undertaker and Bob Orton has been the talk of the locker room recently.
The PWTorch newsletter reports that The Undertaker recently threw a fit backstage when he found out that WWE officials apparently had knowledge that, as a teenager, Bob Orton had hepatitis and was told to bleed with Undertaker in the ring. Hepatitis apparently remains contagious for life.
Of course, ‘Taker and Orton, Jr were both bleeding during the Hell in a Cell match at Armageddon, and this was before Undertaker had any knowledge of Orton's condition, though apparently, among very few others, Johnny Ace (Laurinaitis) did know about it. I don't think it's fair to say that Undertaker is backstage "throwing a fit", though. It's a legitimate reason to be more than really pissed off. I hope this gets Ace fired, I really do.
WOW I REALLY DO FEEL BETTER AFTER THAT NEWS
SmackDown! Thoughts Two Weeks in a Row!
It was a decent show. I missed everything before the first commercial break (first 15 minutes, but I did catch it on tape after I watched the rest of the show), and I think that kind of took me out of it a little bit.
The Lashley vs. JBL match wasn't really much, but they took very few steps in trying to protect Lashley in the match, and instead kind of made him look like he didn't even stand a chance against JBL and only got the fluke victory, because even though he got to throw him around a bit, JBL was in control. I did enjoy the end of the backstage bit with JBL and Long, though, with Bradshaw asking if he said he was afraid of the Boogeyman, Long would call the match off.
I'm not a fan of Orlando's new remixed version of his old, awesome theme song. There's so much less to it now, but as long as they didn't get rid of his awesome video (in which the taunt he does where he writes out "O" and "J" is animated so that a gold spark follows his fingers), I'll be kinda sorta okay with it. I'm still curious as to where this whole Randy Orton being Booker's surrogate think is leading, and I wonder if Booker will try to pass off his helping Randy beat Orlando as paying back the "one" he owed Randy. The Orton/Jordan match had its decent spots, but came off as a silly-looking attempt at a pseudo mat-based/psychology-based match, as it was broken up, amazingly slow, and just not much more than "just about watchable". I'm sorry, but Orton isn't ready for the main event, people. Keep him down where he is right now until at least the summer, then give him a go in the title scene. Oh, and Benoit is a beast, and I hope he destroys Orton on the next SmackDown!
I really enjoyed Finlay's debut, although the ending was pretty cheap and put a bad taste in my mouth. Aside from that, he did some really cool-looking stuff, a lot of stiff stuff, and pulled out the sweet baseball slide counter of trapping Hardy in the apron, which I've never seen before. Finlay looked a lot better that I expected him to, also -- he's in phenomenal shape and looked to be moving in there as if he was 15 years younger. Let's hope they actually do something with him though, and not keep him just squashing people but getting DQ'ed in the end for 3 months without and forseeable direction. Hardy will from now on be referred to by me as "Captain Bitch".
Is it just me, or did Mark Henry look motivated in the ring for the first time since he's joined the company? He didn't move as completely sluggish as he usually does, he did some pretty competent selling, and the finish of that match was absolutely awesome. This turned out to be a really good classic style big man vs. little man match, which was a lot more than I expected out of it. The finish, as I said, though, is my focus point on the match. The frog splash (which Rey certainly misjudged the distance of) and Henry sitting up, rolling backwards (!!!!) and then finishing with the front powerslam was just primo cool, and whether it was edited in crowd noise or not, the crowd was (or sounded) really hot from the three 619's all the way to the finish. Plus, with the segment that Rey and Angle shared earlier on in the show combined with all of the stuff (foreshadowing) that they've been doing with Mysterio, it looks like Rey just might be getting the chance to win the Rumble and face Angle at WrestleMania. I've been crossing my fingers for a couple weeks.
The Gymini stuff was there. London and Kendrick bumped their asses off and looked good in whatever offense they were actually able to get off, but I don't like them being treated as a jobber team. There's so much potential in this tag team division that's going to complete waste right now. What's the point of bringing in a new, decent team of big guys like the Gymini and having them squash some people on SmackDown! for a few weeks if that's all you're going to do with them? Maybe even put the belts on them and then keep them off TV and sometimes on Velocity? Hell, the Tag Team Champions weren't even on the damn show tonight! It's a sad circle of nothingness going on. For some reason, it's as though neither show is able to book more than two championships at once. RAW has been using the WWE Championship and Women's Championship for a while, and SmackDown! was using the Tag Team Championships and the US Championship while Batista couldn't defend his title, and now they're back to the World Heavyweight Championship and the US Championship again. I don't understand how that works.
The main event was just some filler to close the show and pit the odds against your newest full fledged face (for the rest of the month), Kurt Angle.
The show was okay overall, but it was just kind of there and moving along, as if it was trying not to cause any rifts and just stay on a smooth and safe course of whatever is just above mediocrity.
And Then There Was RAW
AND I DIDN'T TALK ABOUT IT, BECAUSE IT FUCKING SUCKED.
PREVIEW STUFF, EMAILS AND WHATEVER
WWE Friday Night SmackDown! Preview
Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Henry
Triple Threat Tag Team Winning team earn spots in the Rumble match
The Mexicools vs. The Dicks vs. FBI
No Holds Barred
Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton
Finlay vs. Funaki
John "Bradshaw" Layfield vs. Scotty 2 Hotty
Handicap Match
Kurt Angle vs. MNM
TNA iMPACT! Preview
Jeff Jarrett vs. Jay Lethal
Final Resolution Rematch
Rhino vs. Abyss
Team 3D in action
A MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT FROM STING!
WWE Presents the 2006 Royal Rumble
WWE Championship
Champion Edge vs. John Cena
World Heavyweight Championship
Champion Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry
The Boogeyman vs. John "Bradshaw" Layfield
Special Guest Referee: Trish Stratus
Mickie James vs. Ashley
2006 Royal Rumble Match
15 RAW Superstars
RVD, Big Show, Kane, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Chris Masters, Carlito, Trevor Murdoch, Shelton Benjamin, Viscera, Chavo Guerrero, Jonathan Coachman, Ric Flair and 2 others not named
15 SmackDown! Superstars
Chris Benoit, Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton, Matt Hardy, Orlando Jordan, Bobby Lashley, Sylvan, Road Warrior Animal, Johnny Nitro, Joey Mercury, Simon Dean, Booker T and 3 others not named
And now I do Emails
From MY BOY James Thomlison:
Hola Nick. Your fellow 411er JT here, and just had a few things to say. Before I start, wanted to let you know I thoroughly enjoy your work, and anything that seems like it's me being an ass is in no way intended. I'm a jokester. Sue me.
First and foremost:
"In any event, it ended up just making sure that Mysterio won the Rumble and beat Angle for the title at WrestleMania in the main event and they had a broken kayfabe moment where Rey dedicated the match to Eddy and Angle is right with him on it, and it's a great ending and a great feel-good WrestleMania moment."
Just remember that I posted that a day before you did, and remember the fact that my ByteThis recap is actually done, where I say the same thing; it just hasn't posted yet. So when all is said and done, you came in a very close second. Hell, even if you don't count it, I told Csonka a week ago Rey was winning. Sadly, I feel that either A. we're the only two that see it, or B. 157,823 people are going to jump on the same bandwagon and we'll look like pricks for claiming it. Isn't being an IWC writer fun?
"Well this certainly is an interesting development. What is the plan with Sting then? Was there any point in having him come around? Didn't he sign a huge 6 month contract in which he would be grossly overpaid?"
It was actually a 1 year contract, but yes... insanely overpaid (500K). I am aware you may have been being faciscious on that one.
"Animal is now expected to be repackaged as a singles wrestler."
Actually, he isn't medically cleared to wrestle as a single guy, which is why you only saw him in matches with Heidi, and in the Battle Royal. His expectant partner is Matt Hardy... and here we all thought things couldn't get any lower for Hardy.
"Torrie said she would not ever participate in an angle like the Edge/Lita sex celebration."
"Fucking stupid bitch."
No truer words have ever been spoken. Right on man.
"Those of you calling for the end of the brand split, please pack up your wonderful "it will make everything better" posters, banners and bumper stickers and go back under your rocks."
Again, couldn't put it better myself. I really hate people yelling for a brand re-join-ment. We don't need the same people on our TV twice a week, and that is exactly what would happen if the brand split ended.
On the TNA Monday Night thing, I have NO idea why they would not go with it? For one, it's MONDAY? What else do people have to do? For another, it would be a very good gauge in my opinion of how many WWE fans also watch TNA. Because if there's no WWE, then those fans would tune in to TNA... they'd get a 2.0 at LEAST in my opinion... nice job SpikeTV.
I think that's it for me man lol. Great column as usual.
Yeah, well I, as well as a few others, have been saying Rey would win the Rumble (or at least hoping/seeing the possibly foreshadowing of it) for a couple weeks. I WIN, whorebitch. And on TNA and Spike… I don't get it either. It's silly to not do anything, it really is.
Thanks Jimmy!
Arnold Beasley is unhappy about my lack of acknowledgement of certain individuals:
I so so furious about your news to start the weekend.
Due to the lack of pat patterson and the butcher whos
abdullah,
your pal
Arnold
Well Pat Patterson did happen to show up in the background on SmackDown this week, so I guess it's your lucky week. That cocksmoker was wearing a lime green shirt and being propositioned by Matt Hardy. Happy?
Oh, and Abby is a fat, frightening, fork-wielding crazy person.
Finally, Dylan Stalker has a lot to say:
I'm as happy as anyone that Kurt is new world champion, the only wrestler with all the bases covered besides HHH (I love Ric Flair, but he's so old, I'm scared he's going to die out there) in the wwe. I hope we see a long reign, gauranteeing great matches.
Everyone is ripping on Mark Henry. I disagree. Since he's been back, I don't think he's has been that bad on the mike and his strength has added some cool moments (not counting injuring Batista). Him and Kurt will have an interesting match no doubt.
One thing I have to say in defense of Chris Masters is that he's really young, I'll give him more time before I decide I hate him. Just keep him away from Carlito, Carlito doesn't need the dead weight right now.
JBL is great. As U.S champion. Sorry JBL fans but he would get his ass handed to him by Kurt or Hunter.
Let's hope the cruiserweight division get's some more respect and air-time. I can't express how much this pisses me off, they could make it so successful if they treated it like say...the X-division title?
The way Edge won the title was awesome. I love seeing Cena get screwed (Only after wwe insisted he become some overly baby-faced sap). If edge quits sticking his lips out trying to look smug all the god damned time and doesn't injure himself, I can see a lot of good in this. If they do it right they could have such a good rivalry between edge and cena. If they make neither overly face or heel, they could come close to a Rock and Austin rivalry(remember ALMOST, neither edge or cena is a Rock or Austin). If not they might as well book Kane and Kurrgan in an Iron Man match.
I want to see Shelton and his Mama move to Smackdown and have a feud with Randy Orton. Then we could have some romance between Shelton's Mama and Cowboy Bob! Randy and Shelton become step-brothers and win the tag-titles!
I did a little editing of the email in order to split up his thoughts, since it was all one big long paragraph, and it was hard enough to read Rusty Nailz' stuff (expect a response from him next week). I don't think only Kurt and Aytch are the only guys "with all the bases covered", as you have guys like Michaels, Jericho when he's around, Booker, Benoit, Rey and Bradshaw (as far as when it comes to immediate guys who can hold the title right now without needing a huge build up). Don't bother trying to say I'm wrong with Benoit, because not only is he phenomenal in the ring, but he has massive crowd support and can more than hold his own on the mic when he is doing his own kind of promo, and he has proven it on multiple occasions. Not everybody has to be The Rock out there, and Benoit has a style on the mic that much better fits his gimmick and ring style that running around and ranting like Rocky does would. Bradshaw is good enough as well, as he's a great brawler and works WWE style very well as long as they hide his weaknesses. Rey is the perfect underdog babyface, and he's not fantastic on the mic, but he's good enough to hold his own in that respect when he's got a good story to be a part of. Henry's going to be decent fodder for Kurt this Sunday.
Masters does suck. His age is one of my bigger reasons for why I'm so against him. He's not fucking ready to be there. He's not been wrestling long enough, he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, and he just has no redeeming qualities. He's a waste of space, TV time and money.
JBL has already wrestled with Angle a few times and had some good matches. I'm not sure what you mean by saying that he would get his ass kicked by Kurt or Triple H, though. Care to write back and explain what you mean?
Yeah, it would be nice if they would actually do something with their really good roster of cruisers. I continue holding out hope, but much like a tag team division, it seems kind of hopeless.
I don't expect Edge vs. Cena to be a very long lasting rivalry. I don't want Cena to win the belt back on Sunday, but I certainly am predicting so much.
Yes, move Shelton to SmackDown and have all 4 of them get into a saga like Noble, Nidia, Billy Gunn and Torrie Wilson. The payoff is that they all end up with Hepatitis, and then Orlando, being bisexual, ends up getting it as well, but nobody knows who he actually got it from, since he ends up hooking up with all of them as time goes on.
Speaking of Royal Rumble Predictions
It's gonna be quick here, actual predictions only. Check out the Roundtable when it goes up for my full thoughts.
Angle keeps his title, Cena gets his back, JBL gets counted out due to intense fear, Ashley beats Mickie, and Rey wins the Royal Rumble match.
