The FlipSide Wrestling Report 02.04.2006
Posted by Ryan K. Boman on 02.04.2006
A very special Super Bowl edition of this news report, complete with chips and dip.
Unless you are a hermit or live on the continent of Antarctica, you probably are aware that the big game is tomorrow. It has become a tradition that you must attend a party celebrating a football game, regardless if you even know what a football looks like. It's the American way.
Here are a few tips for tomorrow:
1.) Many of you will, no doubt, fill your bodies with ungodly amounts of hot wings and beer at a Super Bowl party. Remember not to start too early: You don't want to be on the toilet when something major happens, like when your friend decides to piss into the fireplace.
2.) Also, remember that most of the women at the party will not know what's going on in the game. Just for fun, make up outrageous stories about what's happening and see if they believe it. Tell them that fondling your penis in front of them is a football tradition when a team scores. It will be a good time for the whole family.
3.) Get really drunk, and then start a fight with your sober wife about who is going to drive home. This will get all of your friends to start an impromptu "intervention", which leads to crying and them eventually telling you how much they love you.
4.) When someone asks you who you are rooting for, name a random NFL team who isn't even playing in the game, like the Arizona Cardinals or San Diego Chargers. That'll get those fuckers off of your back right away. Who the hell do they think they are, questioning you?
There are my tips. I hope you find them useful. Just for the record, I'm not jumping on the Steeler bandwagon like everyone else seems to be. I'm taking the Seahawks by 3. Now I guess it's time we get to the world of wrestling.
From the 411 newswire: As reported earlier, SpikeTV and TNA officials are meeting in New York City today regarding the prospects of moving Impact to a prime time weeknight timeslot. Right now, it appears very likely that the move will happen. Mondays and Thursdays are being considered, with Thursday being likely. SpikeTV was considering moving Impact to Thursdays even before the last Impact which drew a record rating: No matter what you read elsewhere, this is a done deal, folks. It's all over but the killing (as they say), and TNA is just waiting to announce the thing next week. Further reports said that TNA wanted Mondays, but Spike TV thinks Thursdays are a better fit. Other coverage stated that the move wouldn't take effect until April. No matter the details, this is a huge step for TNA. Impact is going to be in prime time soon. And, for wrestling fans and the wrestling business, that's a good thing.
The Palm Beach Post reports today that a woman who works at a tanning booth in Boca Raton, FL claims that Vince McMahon groped her. She says that McMahon came in for a tanning session late Sunday night (meaning it would have had to have been after the Royal Rumble PPV), showed her naked pictures of himself on his cellphone, made unwelcome advances towards her, then groped her. Linda McMahon is quoted in the article as calling the allegations totally bizarre. Stephanie McMahon is also quoted in the article, saying that Vince was at the salon the other night but added that she wasn't aware of anything happening: Everyone will come out and say that this is a money grab by some poor, stupid tanning salon clerk. However, when you examine Vinny's past, I think there may be something up with this. He has already been accused of sexual misconduct by a former female ref, he has allegedly looked the other way when Patterson and Garvin were pushing up on ring boys, and he hasn't portrayed himself as very sensitive to women in general. Charges of sexual harrassment are nothing new to the WWE Chairman. Only this time, we're talking about sexual assault. It's a whole new can of worms. Let's see if the the McMahons can slide out of this one.
As of now, the next TNA World X Cup is slated to include Great Britain, Japan, and Mexico: I loved this concept back in the days of Wednesday pay per views. I was actually in Nashville to witness a spectacular three way dance between Juventud Guerrera, Petey Williams, and Jerry Lynn with my very own eyes during the World X Cup's first run. Hopefully, they will bring in some new and interesting performers and make this one a success as well.
This week Tim White kills himself by suffocation when he put a bag over his head. You can check that out at WWE.com: Utterly and completely stupid. This may be the most idiotic thing in the history of pro wrestling (and that's saying something). This angle makes the Repo Man look like a good idea.
The New York Post is reporting that Hulk Hogan just bought a $12 million mansion in Miami. The mansion is 21,000 square feet, has 14 bedrooms, a 6,000 square foot decorative pond, a 5,000 square foot wrestling ring and three spiral staircases: See, kids? All those years of hogging the spotlight and smacking the young kids down really paid off.
Word is that many backstage are upset regarding WWE's continued use of the Eddie Guerrero name: I still can't believe how much they are dragging this thing through the mud. WWE attempted to pay homage to Eddie, and they were praised for it at the time. Now, they continually erase any goodwill they have garnered by using his name excessively. Please...just say goodbye to the man and let him go gracefully. Don't keep using his name to bolster ratings and buyrates. It makes you look cheap and uncreative.
The Made-Up news Linda McMahon to host her own talk show: That's right. The empress of WWE will soon be hosting her own afternoon gab session. Topics will include cheating husbands, spoiled children, and drug abuse. Apparently, she has been doing years of research on these topics, and hopes to apply that research to the show. Good luck to Linda in her new endeavor.
Randy Orton signs marketing deal with Speedo: Hoping to capitalize on his apparent need to showcase his trunk bulge, Speedo has announced that Randy Orton will be their new spokesman for 2006. As a matter of fact, a photo spread has been announced for early April. Early reports say that upon hearing the news, Richard Simmons and Pat Patterson exchanged a not-so-manly high five.
TNA to shut down in late July: You've read this story before. It was broken by someone in 2003. Then later, it was reported again in 2004. Finally, it was reported last year. I figured I'd be the first one to break the story for ‘06. So if it happens, remember you read it here first.
Wrestling Geek Selection of the Week: Take this week off and watch the Super Bowl with some friends. After all, tomorrow is one of the last American holidays that we can still enjoy.
That's it for this first week of February, kids. I'm ready for the Seahawks and Steelers, as well as eating and drinking myself into submission. For one day out of the year, we must put wrestling aside for an even greater cause: celebrating football at it's finest. Have fun sipping your Miller Lite and eating pork rinds. Hopefully you win a few bucks on the big game. I know that I'm planning to.
