News From Cook's Corner 02.09.06
Posted by Steve Cook on 02.09.2006
Damn, I hate it when Larry steals my lines!
I have nothing cool to say at the top of the column today. So I won't say anything. Except for this. Oops.
Opening Thoughts
The worst thing about Super Bowl XL was the fact that I missed a sketch with Alan Shore and Denny Crane from Boston Legal during the pregame show. I have no doubt that the sketch was better than anything else on television during that day, and I'm still pissed off about missing it.
Have I ever said I hate talking about ratings? Most likely. But to those of you who are making a big deal about Impact being down a couple of decimal points from the previous week, you're failing to note that a good portion of TNA's audience also watches the UFC shows on Spike, and a large number of them were probably watching the UFC PPV featuring two of UFC's most recognizable stars, Chuck Liddell and Randy Couture. So…of course the rating was going to be down. Duh. Find some new evidence that TNA's going out of business, ok? Thanks.
Obviously Mick Foley agreed with my opinion on WWE's usage of Eddie Guerrero in last week's column. We agree on a lot of things, except he seems to think Randy Orton has a lot of potential. I know he was in the ring with the guy and has more personal experience to make a judgment, but I just don't see it.
I have less to talk about up here now that I can just post shit in the blog whenever I feel like it. Too bad nobody ever reads it...though actually that might be a good thing now that I think of it.
Over 4,000 words this week, and no top 10 list? How'd I pull that off? You'll see at the end.
WWE news
WWE.com reports that Shelton's mamma didn't have a heart attack Monday night on Raw, but suffers from an irregular heart rhythm. She was released from the hospital and is recovering at home. This is good news for us all, but why doesn't Shelton's mamma have a name other than "Shelton's mamma"? I guess WWE thinks of Shelton's mamma the same way Bill Watterson thought of Calvin's mom and dad…they were only important to the comic strip as Calvin's mom and dad, so they didn't need names. Shelton's mamma is only important to WWE as Shelton's mamma, so she doesn't need a name either. I guess it makes sense, though you'd at least think they'd call her Mamma Benjamin like most of us do anyway.
Good news for our buddy Ron Gamble…his close personal friend "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan might be coming back as a regular performer. Unfortunately, he might be teaming with Goldust. I, for one, can't wait for their matches with Kane & Big Show for the tag team titles. Tremendous!
Candice Michelle was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno Monday night. One notable thing is that she said that she would be challenging for the Women's title at WrestleMania 22. If that's true, it kinda doesn't make any sense since they've been building that Trish/Mickie feud for quite awhile now. In related news, what the hell is Go Daddy, and does having the title "Go Daddy Girl" on your resume help you get future work when the company goes out of business?
Trish Stratus's boyfriend on Raw was some model dude that will probably get beaten up by Mickie James next week. There's no real story here except I think Trish could do a lot better than that guy. The "boyfriend", not Mickie.
WWE has trademarked the name "La Lola", which will be used as the name of the new Armando Alejandro Estrada character that will debut soon. After doing some research, I found out this is the "Osama" guy on OVW who plays some type of a Latin American dictator or something. Because WWE certainly didn't have enough ethnic stereotypes already.
If only C.M. Punk wasn't a white boy, maybe he'd be called up one of these days.
Eddie Guerrero is expected to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame at their ceremony the night before WrestleMania. No other names have been mentioned other than Bret Hart, and he doesn't seem to be too interested in that yet. Is it too soon? Maybe, but you gotta realize that WWE needs to use his name to get Randy Orton over, so they can't just sit around and wait until a few years later. They figure that it's ok to say he went to hell as long as they put him over as a great wrestler.
TNA news
TNA moves to prime time on April 13th, as Impact will be airing on Thursday nights at 9 starting on that night. I'm torn by this because The Office kicks ass at 9:30, but its good news for TNA. That whole night will be pretty good stuff on Spike TV, as UFC Unleashed follows TNA at 10, and The Ultimate Fighter Season 3 is at 11 with Ken Shamrock and Tito Ortiz as coaches. That'll be worth watching because Shamrock and Ortiz really really hate each other and are pretty entertaining to watch.
But back to wrestling…yeah, this is pretty good stuff. Now they need to put on even better shows so they can really get people's attention. I'm not sure if I like what they're doing with Sting, but the Eric Young stuff at the end of Impact was pretty funny so I won't complain too much.
Bill Goldberg says that he would be interested in getting involved with TNA if they and Spike TV wanted to go after WWE. The question is if Goldberg would be interested in helping them out, or helping himself get more publicity. I lean towards the latter, but the former might actually have potential.
Low Ki might be on his way back to TNA, as Konnan and Homicide are pushing for his return. If Ki is interested in returning to TNA, I see no reason not to bring him back. You could either include him with Homicide and Konnan in the LAX, or you could have him immediately challenge Samoa Joe for the X Division title. Low Ki was one of the original X Division stars, and they could use some of their old footage to establish him as a guy who could be a real threat to Joe. Joe's running out of threats as it is, and the last Joe vs. Ki match I saw kicked ass. Book it!
There are rumors that Delirious might be coming back to TNA. I hope those rumors are true, if not somebody's getting their ass kicked. Nobody teases me with the thought of Delirious being back on my TV and gets away with it!
Other wrestling news
Matt Cappotelli made an announcement regarding his health at last night's OVW TV tapings. Spoilers were not available before this column was finished, so check our newswire for the latest details. Hopefully the fact that he was making an announcement in a wrestling ring means that he's going to be OK and they did an angle to set up his return. That's how it goes 9 times out of 10.
The MTV wrestling show pilot is today in sunny Los Angeles. Placido Domingo said he was going to attend, but it remains to be seen whether they let him in, since MTV is only going to let the "pretty people" in. That's what they say right now, but when they realize that most of us wrestling fans don't fit into that category, they'll take what they can get. They also apparently need to wear "Warped Tour" attire…
The show will likely be called Wrestling Society X, which is slightly less dumb than "TNA" as a promotion name, but not by much. That being said, it's pretty damn hard to come up with a good promotion name these days that hasn't already been used. We found this out when I tried to think of promotion names for a fake wrestling show thingy on a message board a couple of years ago. The best somebody could come up with was "Pro Wrestling Ace". Needless to say, the enterprise lasted all of a month before creative issues sunk the fake promotion. The main problem was that we had one person who only wanted to do soap opera shit, another person who only wanted to do wrestling, and I didn't really have much desire or time to devote to the thing. This is an ongoing theme in my life…but anyway, cut MTV some slack because it's tough to come up with good names for wrestling shows.
Chris Kanyon stated at an indy show in Canada last weekend that he believes that WWE fired him because they found out that he was gay. Well, that explains the lisp. Seriously though, I find it hard to believe that a company that has employed Pat Patterson for decades would fire someone because of their sexual orientation. Now, if Kanyon had turned down certain people…that could be a possibility.
I think it's easier to believe that Kanyon got fired because he was injured a lot and WWE had nothing for him to do. Not everything is a conspiracy, unless it has to deal with me, in which case, everybody's out to get me.
Cookie Break!
Yeah, I'm a little hungry. If you guys will excuse me for a minute…
Man, those things are big. The cookies, I mean. I don't know what you perverts are thinking about, but I'm talking about cookies here.
Chocolate Chip is my favorite, by the way. That's a tip for all the ladies out there.
All right, back to the action!
Who Owned Last Week?
Somebody had to, right?
Austin Aries - I already expostulated on Aries in the WOTW, so allow me to give some credit to JP's favorite Larry, Zbyszko, for helping make the segment all the more entertainment with some of his responses to Aries' ranting and raving.
Aries: You told me to stand out!
Larry: Yeah, but not like that!
Ah, good times. I'm just happy that Aries, Strong, and Shelley are getting some time to shine on Impact. They have the potential to be big stars, no doubt about it.
Carlito - Sometimes I forget that Carlito has a tremendous amount of potential, especially when he's jobbing to senile old people and anybody else on the WWE roster. This Monday on Raw, Carlito got to show off more of his skills than he usually does, since he got to wrestle Rob Van Dam. Say what you want about RVD, but it's probably easier doing crazy stuff with him than it is to do it with Ric Flair. Carlito got to bust out some moves we don't see from him too often, including that slingshot flipping reverse senton thingy off the middle rope that I'd never seen before. Carlito was also impressive in the Elimination Chamber, which I finally got to watch this weekend, so he's been turning things around for awhile now. He might not main event WrestleMania 22, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was main eventing by WrestleMania 24 or 25.
Chris Cruise - Cruise made his return to the public eye this week by sending in a guest editorial to the Torch's website about Joey Styles' performance on Raw. For those of you who didn't watch WCW from the late 80s to early 90s, Cruise was WCW's 3rd play by play announcer, behind Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone on the pecking order. Possibly Eric Bischoff too. He was ok from what I remember of him, so I'm waiting for his reunion with Mike Tenay on a TNA show.
Eric Young - The comedic heels had a pretty good week. Young got to do his thing at the end of Impact, telling the camera man that Sting was still around, and that it made him very nervous. This guy is so underutilized that it's ridiculous.
This Week in Wrestling History
February 10, 1984 – David Von Erich dies of acute enteritis at the age of 25.
February 10, 2003 – Curt Hennig dies of a drug overdose at the age of 44.
There isn't much to say here except to comment about the interesting parallels between these men. Both men were second generation wrestlers, though one could say Curt had an easier time living up to his father's reputation than David did. David died really young, while Curt died relatively young for a normal person. Curt died of a drug overdose, rumors have run rampant about how David actually died, but the official cause of death was acute enteritis. That being said, it wouldn't be surprising if these two actually died in the same fashion.
David Von Erich was considered by many to be the most talented of the Von Erich wrestling brothers. He was the oldest, and the first to actually leave Texas for another territory and learn how to work. It showed in his matches, and he was mourned by an entire state like he was a family member. However, Fritz Von Erich's treatment of the death makes WWE's treatment of Eddie Guerrero's name in recent weeks look like nothing, as he forged his dead son's signature on 8 X 10 photos and sold them for 15 bucks. Unfortunately, Fritz couldn't make the same kind of money off his other sons' deaths.
Curt Hennig was son of AWA wrestling legend Larry "The Axe" Hennig, but escaped his shadow when he came to the WWF as "Mr. Perfect". Hennig was considered one of the best workers in the business during the late 80s and early 90s, but a back injury forced him to retire in 1991. He returned a couple of years later and had several more runs, but none were as good as his stretch from 1989-1991 as Mr. Perfect, winning the Intercontinental title on two occasions. Hennig used drugs like many people who live their life in pain do, and they caused his death just one year after his final WWE appearance.
Meehan loses me with his argument when he claims that Undertaker destroying the ring at the end of the Royal Rumble wasn't incredibly stupid. That's the problem when you take on the persona of being all positive or all negative…sometimes you have to say something really ridiculous to keep with your gimmick. Hence, the middle ground is the place to be, and I enjoy occupying it.
Rodriguez looks at the history of the WWC Universal Title. I was intrigued by this because I don't know much about Puerto Rican wrestling history. Reading about stuff I don't already know about rules.
Csonka rips off a column I did for another site back in December of 2004. I still disagree with his opinion on Mr. T.
JP & JT will have to settle for one plug again this week…time is money and I don't have a lot of either.
Final Thought
So last week I got to give my tak…I mean, my perspective on the Pro Wrestling Illustrated Year-End Awards. It only seems fair to me that since last week I got to criticize the PWI readers on their choices, you all should get a chance to criticize me on something that I voted for. So, I present to you my votes for the 411 Awards that were finally posted earlier this week. I typed this up back on December 7, 2005.
Wrestler of the Year
1. Samoa Joe - He had outstanding matches this year with everybody from Kenta Kobashi to Necro Butcher. He remained one of ROH's top guys while making a splash in TNA, and is on the verge of being one of the top guys there as well. In 2005, nobody put on more outstanding matches and nobody connected with the people quite like Samoa Joe.
2. AJ Styles - Styles had a pretty good year in TNA, winning their World title once and their X Division title twice. As much as Jeff Jarrett likes to put his mug all over TV, Styles is still TNA's franchise, and can always be counted on to have an entertaining match.
3. Shawn Michaels - The man had a good match with Hulk Hogan. HULK HOGAN! That alone would merit him consideration for this award, he solidified his third place ranking with the Angle series and almost getting a good match out of Chris Masters.
Worst Wrestler of the Year
1. Gene Snitsky - It's not his fault that he sucks. I think.
2. Orlando Jordan - Worst US Champ ever, and that includes David Flair. The terrible match against Benoit at the Great American Bash proved that OJ just doesn't have what it takes.
3. Chris Masters - He's been less sloppy lately, but he's still a terribly bland overpushed nonfactor who's going to be screwed once the drug testing starts.
Match of the Year
1. James Gibson vs. C.M. Punk vs. Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels (ROH Redemption 8/12/05) - Yeah, I was at this one...so what if I'm a little biased? All 4 guys were on top of their game here...Punk was a great heel, Joe brought his usual awesomeness, Daniels was the most over guy in the joint and we all thought he should have won, and Gibson did the classic "gets taken to the back but comes back at the end to win the title" thing. Great story, great match.
2. AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Samoa Joe (TNA Unbreakable) - This match helped put Samoa Joe on the map in TNA and anything with Styles & Daniels facing each other is automatically awesome.
3. Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels (WrestleMania 21) - I liked this one a lot better than the other matches they had mostly because it seemed a lot more dramatic.
Worst Match of the Year
1. Viscera & Clocas vs. Pocket Rocket and a Heart Throb (WWE Raw) - Anything with midgets and Viscera sounds like something you'd watch on Monday Night Raw...in hell.
2. Monty Brown vs. Trytan (TNA Destination X) - Monty pinned a guy under a mask to win this match. That's pretty much all you need to know to get that this was crap.
3. Orlando Jordan vs. Heidenreich (WWE Judgment Day) - Was this somebody's idea of a practical joke?
PPV of the Year
1. ECW One Night Stand - The one show this year that felt really, really special. Good thing they didn't try to bring back ECW as a third brand though, because it wouldn't have been quite as special.
2. WWE Vengeance - Hell in a Cell, Cena vs. Christian vs. Jericho, and HBK vs. Angle. What else do you need to know?
3. TNA Sacrifice - Out of all of TNA's PPVs I've seen, this one looked the best overall, with not as much crap in the lower card as usual.
Worst PPV of the Year
1. WWE Great American Bash - With OJ going over Benoit, LOD 2005 winning the tag titles, and the worst PPV main event since I can't remember when, this show felt like it was 3 days long instead of 3 hours.
2. WWE New Year's Revolution - What was there besides the Elimination Chamber? A lot of crap, that's what.
3. WWE No Mercy - Other than the main event, there was nothing else going on. Even Kennedy's match was pretty boring.
Breakout Superstar - any (non-rookie) wrestler who stepped up this year and surprised us with their talent.
1. Christian Cage - Christian didn't have such a good year inside the ring, but he kept getting more and more over to the point where he was actually one of the top guys on whatever show he was on. At least to the fans anyway. The key here is he's gotta have a bigger 2006.
2. Rhino - Rhino went from doing nothing in WWE to being NWA Champion and deserving it. If there wasn't some guy in TNA who thought he needed the title 365 days a year, Rhino would be a very popular champion generating interest in TNA right now.
3. Austin Aries - Aries' ROH title reign wasn't as good as Samoa Joe's, but whose would be? He proved he deserved the belt though, and is on the verge of breaking through in TNA's X Division.
Underachiever Award - wrestler that everyone had high hopes for, but failed to meet expectations
1. Edge - I didn't expect anything from Edge, but other people did, which is why he gets the top slot. He's still got that title shot, but does anybody expect him to win the title? No, and they shouldn't. Mediocre year from a guy who needed a big one.
2. Shelton Benjamin - Shelton looked like he was on the verge of big things, but his Intercontinental title reign was uneventful and he's done little this year outside the occasional good match with HBK or Angle. He looks like he's going in the right direction though, so it could be a big 2006 for Mr. Benjamin.
3. Rob Conway - I swear this guy was tolerable in OVW. He sucks ass in WWE though.
Female of the Year
1. Trish Stratus - Just another year of dominating the WWE women's division for Trish. Nothing too special, but she wins this by default for being the only competent woman wrestler to get a sustained push.
2. Traci Brooks - If TNA had booked Traci with any kind of consistency, she would be on top of this list without any question. But they've terribly misused her for most of the year, wasting her in backstage segments involving a pickup truck or letting her and Matt Bentley waste away on Xplosion. It could be worse...at least she's not involved in the Jeff Jarrett love triangle.
3. Maria - Maria has become the object of much lust on message boards across the internet. You can't really blame them though, since she plays her role very well and looks good doing it.
Rookie of the Year
1. Mr. Kennedy - Kennedy has great charisma and is a competent wrestler, which means he has as good a chance as anybody of being WWE's next big star. As long as he stops the whole "getting injured" thing.
2. Bobby Lashley - Monty Brown Lite makes it on this list because it's been a tough year for rookies other than Kennedy.
3. MNM - See #2.
Tag Team of the Year
1. America's Most Wanted - A lot of the net fans don't like AMW, mostly because they didn't seem to have personalities. They're working on that as heels though, and are still the best tag team going today. Which doesn't say a whole hell of a lot, but what can you do.
2. The Naturals - They got on a good streak when Chris Candido was working with them, but still need something to break through to the next level.
3. Team 3D - They would be higher if they didn't miss the first half of the year. Expect them to be either #1 or #2 in 2006.
Storyline of the Year
1. Evil C.M. Punk as ROH Champion - I had a real hard time with this category because most of the storylines in wrestling these days suck. As questionable as the ROH booking usually is, they hit a home run with this angle that nobody saw coming.
2. Johnny Jeter vs. Matt Cappotelli in OVW - Much like Punk, Johnny Jeter played the role of complete asshole champion brilliantly. By the time these two finally went at it, you wanted to see the Tough Enough kid whip Jeter's ass. That's a good storyline.
3. Raw vs. Smackdown - The best WWE storyline was the easiest to write. You think that might tell them something.
Most of my votes today would remain the same, with one notable exception….Kenta Kobashi vs. Samoa Joe on October 1st in New York City would be my vote now for Match of the Year. Everything else in that category falls one slot, but I feel pretty comfortable with my other selections.
Of course, you might beg to differ, and if you do, let me hear about it. I'm giving you a chance to rip something I say apart….that doesn't happen very often. But I do believe in equal time, so you're on the clock.
Marsico's here tomorrow, and I need to listen to his interview with Dory Funk Jr. one of these days. How'd he pull that one off?
