The Sunday Small-For-All News Report: 02.12.06
Posted by Jeff Small on 02.12.2006
I’m Against All Odds to Come up with a Witty Teaser.
I lied.
For those of you who are awaiting a Smackdown vs. Raw simulation of tonight's TNA PPV, you can click the "back" button now because you won't find it here. I really really wanted to have this done on time for my report. However, it just didn't happen. And no, it has nothing to do with bias.
I'll be honest: making 15 characters for the Royal Rumble burnt me out a bit. In fact, I don't think I've played the game since then. I planned to spend this past week working on the TNA roster, but I was just too busy this week. Don't worry, I'll make it up to you all at some point (just not this week).
And by the way, the SvR simulator will return next week for No Way Out (since I have an almost complete roster). I promise.
INTRO
Well hello again and welcome back to the report that's more timeless than a broken watch. One I like to call the Sunday Small-For-All News Report. In today's report, there's a lot of WWE and TNA news and I get a little personal. Furthermore, you might even learn something new while reading this report as I always strive to be educational.
But enough blabbing, let's get on with the show…
The 210 Words or Less Weak In Review
Author's sidenote: I figure that since this is a Sunday column, I should wrap up all the events of the week. And I added this stipulation to keep me from rambling and also to see if I really can actually stay under a limit. The limit originally started at 100 words or less but I failed that. The limit you see above was determined after writing the following:
The Triple H invitational tournament began on Raw as Chris Masters, Triple H, Big Show, and RVD all won their qualifying matches. In other news, Ashley evened the score against Mickie James and John Cena successfully used his running game to mack it with Maria. In the main event, because Maria pinned Lita in a mixed tag match, Mick Foley will be the special guest referee of the John Cena/Edge title match next week on Thursday Raw Thursday.
Smackdown was full of midgets this week as Chris Benoit won a four-way to challenge Booker T at the PPV, Gregory Helms retained his Cruiserweight title, and the juniors had a tag match. In addition, Lashley challenged JBL, Booker's trunk was full of the Boogeyman's worms, and Burchill debuted as a pirate. Finally, the Orton/Rey and Undertaker/Kurt Angle feuds continued to trudge on to No Way Out.
On TNA, Chris Sabin and Sonjay Dutt won the very brief #1 contender's tourney to challenge AMW at Against All Odds. In addition, it looks like Ron Killings and Monty Brown might also become a PPV match. Finally, Samoa Joe won a practice 3 way to warm up and Team Canada had the last laugh against the Dudleyz because that's what Canadians do. BITCHES.
WWE NEWZ OF THE WEAK DOODS
Famous Families to Get Free Ticket Comps
WWE has gotten Vicky Guerrero and her daughters to agree to appear ringside at No Way Out during the Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton match.
Vicky sure has been through a lot on WWE television. First, she had to deal with her husband "fathering" Rey's son. Now she will be present to watch Randy "Bully" Orton defeat her late husband's best friend. Hey, she's going along with this, so we can't blame Vince for that. Unless of course, Vince still hasn't told her who the winner of the match will be. Expect this to be just as uncomfortable as when Mick Foley's wife and kid were present at the Royal Rumble 1999.
This Just In: Max Moon to Be Inducted into the Hall of Fame
According to the Wrestling Observer, possible inductees will include Eddie Guerrero, Dusty Rhodes, Bret Hart (as he's now semi-interested), Ricky Steamboat, Ted Dibiase, the Freebirds, and Arn Anderson.
Sounds like this year's crop might be better than last year's. Of course, Hart is still very iffy (especially, since he was supposed to be vacationing in Italy in April). But regardless, Rhodes, Steamboat, and the rest of the road agents all deserve to be inducted. Obviously, the big name is Eddie, but really with all this emphasis on him in current storylines, he's getting a bigger push now than when he was wrestling.
Cyber Sunday? Sounds like my normal Sunday nights
Taboo Tuesday is no more!!! This year, WWE will run CyberSunday on 11/5 which will be basically the same concept but on Sunday instead of Tuesday.
I can't say I'll miss the Tuesday night PPV, especially since the format will still be used. While the show normally is the lowest bought PPV on the year, its buyrate wasn't that much lower than most single brand Sunday PPVs. The new night should help out the buyrate a little, but don't look for any drastic increases. Speaking of buyrates…
Let's Laugh at the 300,000 that bought New Year's Revolution
The buyrate for New Year's Revolution is in and it is a little disappointing. While 300,000 is not a bad number at all (hell, it's more than Armaggedon), it's still a 67,000 drop from last year's event. That's a $2,341,650 loss (before tax). It just goes to show that people were much more interested in last year's Batista storyline than watching John Cena overcome all odds. If the Royal Rumble's number is down, we might see some changes in the Wrestlemania card as April won't be a happy month for the company if less people are buying the PPVs.
More Legal Babblespeak with Brock Lesnar
Judge Christopher Droney denied Brock Lesnar's attempts to prevent WWE from deposing his primary attorney David Bradley Olsen in a ruling issued on 2/8. WWE will now get to depose Olsen and argue their case before Droney. He will then decide whether the case will go to trial or a Summary Judgment will be issued to Lesnar.
It just seems that this trial will never end. Now, I'm a fan of our legal system, but seriously the only cases that are decided quickly are on Judge Judy. The rest seem to fall somewhere between the Michael Jackson case and the 7 year OJ Simpson trial.
I really don't know who I want to win this case. While Lesnar is getting the raw deal from the no-compete clause in his contract, he did sign it. Sure we all want to be a wrestler at some point but I don't know many of us who wouldn't try to renegotiate some of these clauses. The WWE did put a lot of faith and money behind Lesnar only to be screwed over, so I can see why they are pissed. However, all this is doing is wasting money and making the man want to join the competition, badly. And the last time, we had a truly pissed off employee jump companies, it was X-Pac. And the time before that was Stone Cold Steven Austin. The latter obviously turned out well for the WWE.
Somebody Call Shelton's Momma…
The reason that they ran the heart attack angle with Thea Vidale (MAMMA Benjamin) is due to her having internal health issues, believed to be with her stomach and she needed time off to get that taken care of.
… and wish her the best. I miss you, Thea.
Paul Birchill: UK Superstar
According to the Observer, " Bruce "brother Love" Pritchard pushed for Burchill's face turn. They want to turn him into a new age British Superhero ala the Bulldog, to help draw in the UK."
I guess my history books in school were wrong as I never knew how popular British pirates are. Hell, if the WWE wanted to do a British gimmick, I would have given Burchill an Austin Powers gimmick. It worked quite well for Mike Awesome, don't cha think.
Stacy in the Final Four
In our weekly Dancing with the Stars news, Stacy Keibler had another perfect score and made it to the Final 4. Her opponents are Austin, Vader, and Bret Hart. Good luck, Stacy.
BOOGEY NEWS
According to the Observer, "Boogeyman's new deal in OVW is he no sells 1 move per letter in his name as the crowd chants "B-O-O-G-E-Y-M-A-N" then Boogey hits his finisher and wins"
I love it.
TNA NEWZ OF THE WEEK DOODETTES
Lots of New Newz
New Timeslot: Thursdays at 9pm
New CEO: Name and gimmick yet to be determined
New 2 Hour Special: Thursday April 13th
New metrosexual gimmicks: Austin Aries Hard Gay
New matches for Against All Odds: The Naturals vs. Aries and Roderick Strong and Alex Shelley vs. Matt Bentley vs. Petey Williams vs. Jay Lethal
All of this news was found via the Wrestling Observer. The only worthwhile thing here (outside of a possible two good matches for the PPV) is that the new CEO is looking to remove deadweight. Everyone, say goodbye to Monty Brown.
Dixie Carter Between the Ropes… Giggity
Here's some highlights:
Hypes the move to Thursday nights (and wishes that Smackdown was its opponent)
Looking at house shows both domestically and internationally
Still very committed to Universal Studios
Biggest weekly challenge is having 42 minutes to introduce and establish wrestlers
Hypes the new video game
Explains how the WWE tried to get AJ P. for Wrestlemania even though TNA used him a long time ago
Denies having sex with Jeff Jarrett
First off, I think Dixie Carter has been quite the blessing for TNA. She obviously knows how to build a brand and has done an excellent job with TNA. The only thing I want to comment on is that after reading the January 23rd Wrestling Observer (as you can tell I'm a big fan), house shows do not really make much sense for the company at this time. From the newsletter…
"If you look at a show using Jarrett, Rhino, Raven, Kip & B.G. James, Abyss, Joe, Daniels, Christian, Waltman and the key roster players under their contractual rate, that would be about $35,000 right there. With travel, advertising, running a building, etc, you are talking $60,000 or more to break even. If you can draw 1,400 fans, you're going to have to charge $45 per seat… when ECW, which did double the PPV buys of TNA and had far more of a buzz, averaged 1.100 per show at tons lower prices during its best period…"
Good thing Dixie is still committed to Universal Studios. If only she could tone down that ultra-smark audience they attract.
On paper, this looks to be much better than last month's PPV. Most of the matches have the potential to be very good and hopefully the main event won't be that much of an overbooked clusterfuck. Obviously, the match everyone is awaiting is the 3-Way rematch but I reckon the Tag Team Championship should be the sleeper of the night.
FUN WITH YOUTUBE
Since YouTube's been the #1 place to go for entertainment, each week I will link you to two matches that you might or might not have seen. This week's entry:
So I've always envisioned that for one of my "filler" segments in a non-PPV week I would interview myself. But considering that I didn't have enough material to make it funny, it would just have been bad filler. Regardless, one of the questions I was going to ask myself was "Who Is Your Biggest IWC Influence?"
The answer would have to be Jay Bower. He wrote a nice Sunday column years back here at 411Mania. So when I got this Sunday gig, I decided that I would try to emulate his style (long prose, at times funny); however, unlike him, so far I have not been able to delve into my personal life in one of my reports. Well, since I don't have a simulation to run, I figure I'll tell you a little story of mine…
At this time (mid-afternoon on the 11th), I am frost-biten, heartbroken, yet satisfied. This morning I spent about 5 hours online in freezing weather to try to get a No-Show ticket to a basketball game against Duke.
You see, I'm graduating this May from college. One of my favorite activities in college has been attending the sports games. While I never painted my chest red or held up obscene signs (like I would do at a WWE event), I did my best not to miss a game. During my college career, I've attended two bowl games (both wins) and countless basketball games. However, I have never been able to get a Duke ticket. (We have a lottery system where each game you attend, the better chance you have at earning a ticket. I attend a majority of the games but winter break kills me when I'm stuck in Jersey.) Until now…
So at 10am this morning, I left my apartment with a large espresso and trekked over to the basketball arena. I was 17th in line when I got there and only had my IPOD to keep me company. At 1:15pm or so, a nice lady that works at the arena let everyone in line (about 30 of us) know that there will be no extra tickets. About half the crowd left at that time, but since it was already 7 minutes into the first half, I stuck around to watch the game on an outside monitor. I was freezing my balls off (and had to pee real bad) but I kept my place in line hoping that I would be rewarded. At 2:18pm, I was rewarded with a student ticket. I met my friends (who had really good seats) and got to see the second half of the game.
We lost, which sucked. However, I accomplished something I've always wanted to do, no matter the conditions. So remember kids, as big or as small as your dreams may be, you must always try. Like I always say, "Things happen for reasons." That and "Fuck You J.J.".
Ryan Byers spends too much money on cheap wrestling. Read about his latest addition to his bookcase here
COMING ATTRACTIONS
Well this marks the end of another edition of the Sunday Small-For-All News Report. Next week, we get to talk about No Way Out which is shaping up to be another overlooked February PPV. But hey, if I can't overlook it, neither can you.
Enjoy Against All Odds.
Randle's in tomorrow.
For the Sunday Small For-All News Report, I'm Jeff Small… and you're not!!!
