Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People 03.23.06: Buy My Stuff

Posted by Ryan Byers on 03.23.2006

It's time to clear out my dresser full of wrestling videos, and you could stand to benefit from it. Plus we've got a review featuring DA MOUNTIE! He always gets his man.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People. As always, we're going to show you where to get some of the best deals on hot wrestling action. This time, however, we're going to look at a different source for rasslin' titles . . . we're going to look at me.

Cheap Wrestling Tip #33: Buy My Stuff

You have to figure that it was only a matter of time before I used this column to shill my own stuff. Rest easy, though, this should only be a one-time deal. Thanks to my extensive dealings on eBay and my preference for purchasing lots of tapes as opposed to individual titles, I've wound up with a few duplicates on my hands, and I want to unload them at a relatively low rate. If you're interested after reading all of the following information, shoot me an e-mail at [e-mail] Here's some basic information about the titles that I'm offering, which I'll follow up with more detail on the individual tapes:

1.) There are four tapes, each of which I will sell for $5.

2.) You'll also have to pay for USPS priority mail shipping, which I will calculate using the postal service's shipping calculator after the sale is made.

3.) I prefer to take payment over PayPal. Details on how to do this will be given to individuals after an offer has been made. I will also take personal checks and money orders, but I will not ship anything until checks clear with my bank.

4.) The last time I checked them, all of these tapes played fine, though they have been lightly used. There are some issues with the condition of the packaging, and I'll address that in the blurbs about the individual tapes. If you're not happy with any product you get, let me know and I'll allow for a full refund.

5.) These are all legitimate, MASTER TAPES. They are not illegal copies or bootlegs.

6.) I may be open to offers for trading tapes instead of taking cash payment. However, I will only trade these master tapes for other master tapes. Offers for trade will be considered on a case-by-case basis.

With all of that said, here is the information on the four tapes that I am currently selling.

WWF Superstars: The Music Video

There's not much actual wrestling action on this tape. Instead, it features music videos that were made as part of the promotion for Wrestlemania: The Album. As such, you get to hear guys like Jim Duggan and Randy Savage attempting to sing . . . and, perhaps best of all, it's set to just about every cliched early 90's video editing technique in the book. In addition to starring in a video, Savage also hosts the 60 minute feature, leaving me wondering how they let a guy who perpetually acts like he's strung out host a feature that was obviously geared towards children. But, then again, this is professional wrestling.

This video is available in its original packaging. There is some damage to the front panel where it's clear that somebody tried to remove a sticker that was on the box.

Hulkamania Forever

I've done a full review of this tape in the past. It's located here. The short version is that, as far as retrospectives of Hulk Hogan's career go, this is one of the better ones. It includes his Wrestlemania VI match with the Ultimate Warrior, which has to be his most memorable bout second to the WMIII encounter with Andre the Giant. On top of that, it contains a series of matches against John "Earthquake" Tenta. Though not that many people remember the bouts today, I really think that they're among Hulk's best bouts in terms of pure in-ring action. Tenta was a really underrated big man, and this tape shows exactly why that was the case.

This video is also available in the original packaging. There is a bit of damage to the upper lefthand corner of the box, but it's nothing major.

Hulkamania 6

It's more fun with Hulk and friends. This tape primarily focuses on Hulk Hogan's feud with Sgt. Slaughter that headlined Wrestlemania in 1991. The Mania match itself is featured, as are bouts against King Kong Bundy, Randy Savage, and even an odd one against Stan Hansen. I'm not a massive Hogan fan, but even I thought the tape was a fun, unoffensive ninety minutes.

Though the video tape itself is an original and works fine, the original box for this one has been lost. I'll ship it in a blank VHS sleeve.

WWF Battle of the Superstars 1992

Instead of just getting a paragraph, this tape is getting a full review! Just keep on reading for that. However, before you do, let me say that the tape is a former rental copy. This means that the original box has been cut and slid inside of a plastic "clamshell" style case. It's held up pretty well, all things considered.

Title: Battle of the Superstars 1992
Released By: WWF/Coliseum Video
Release Year: 1992
Run Time: 90 minutes
Found At: http://www.ebay.com
Price TO YOU: $5 (plus shipping)

Match Numero Uno: Ric Flair & Sid Justice (w/Dr. Harvey Whippleman) vs. Hulk Hogan & "Rowdy" Roddy Piper

The wrestling starts off with Piper and Flair, with the Hot Scott sending his opponent back in to the corner off of a lockup. A clean break is given, though they do whoo at each other . . . I think that still counts as clean. A second lockup results in Piper being shoved to the corner, and Flair shoves him on the break, to which Piper responds with an open-hand slap. Believe it or not, we actually get a Flair flop off of that. Standard issue headlock/shoulderblock sequence follows, and it results in lockup number three. Flair wins this one and chops away in the corner. Piper blocks a punch, however, and he fires back with the boxing skills honed in his epic match with Mr. T and later seen in his not-so-epic match with Buff Bagwell. Hot Rod then scores with a back body drop and a kneelift. This edition of wrestling cliche theater continues with twelve punches in the corner on Flair, who gets Irish whipped in to the Flair flip and knocked off of the apron by a Hogan boot. The Hulkster also tosses him back in to the ring and gets tagged in by Piper. Flair subtly begs off, and it's so subtle that Hogan doesn't realize he's slowly backing in to the corner to tag in Sid.

A not quite so epic staredown starts the two off, and Justice kicks and knees away at his opponent. Sid then slams Hogan, and there's really not much hyperbole in the announcers' claims that he did it with frightening ease. One of the worst double ax handles ever follows, as Hogan collapses about ten seconds before anything resembling contact is made. Hogan then decides that it's just about time that he should go on the offensive and blocks El Sid from ramming his head in to the buckle before Irish whipping the big man. Justice is punched in the corner and becomes the recipient of a corner clothesline before firing back with a big boot and a forearm. Hulk is whipped in to the ropes, but he manages to tag Piper while running, and thus Sid's entire strategy blows up in his face in a crushing moment of irony. Or not. Hogan slams the not yet Psycho one, and Piper follows up with mounted punches and a few slams of Sid's head in to the mat. Justice quickly boots him, though, and a headlock is applied. Then, in a Bizzaro-world moment, Piper turns Sid's headlock in to a headscissors, only to have Justice kip out of it. What? Sid then climbs up to the second rope (insert leg snapping joke) and tries for a double ax handle, but Piper catches him with a fist to the gut. Flair hits the ring long enough for Sid to make it to the corner and tag him in legally.

Flair immediately lands an inverted atomic drop on Piper and tosses him out of the ring, where Sid gently places a chair on his back in something masquerading as an offensive move. Piper is thrown back in, but Hogan's protest of the chair's involvement distracts the referee for so long that Ric can only manage a two count. Piper and Slick Ric then trade punches, and a Flair drop toe hold cuts off Roddy's efforts to make the hot tag. The Nature Boy follows up with a snap mare and heads to the top rope, but Piper manages to slam him off. There's a reason I refer to that one as the "Flair bump." The two then roll around all over each other in a fairly nonsensical manner, with the idea being that Piper's trying to get the hot tag once again. Needless to say, it works. Flair is punched, back body dropped, and lariated, all leading to the big boot and the leg drop. The referee is distracted, however, which allows Sid to run in and once more place the chair on Hogan's back to break the cover. A two count is gotten off of the chair "shot," and much Hulking Up ensues. It leads to an atomic drop on Flair and a big pier six brawl which sees Sid tossing both faces from the ring. He follows Piper down to the floor with a double ax handle off of the apron, which allows Hogan to sneak back in to the ring with Flair and PIN THE GREATEST IN-RING PERFORMER OF THE MODERN ERA WITH A CLOTHESLINE. Sigh.

Match Thoughts: Well, it was pretty much a given that this would suck (unless 90% of the match was Flair/Piper), but that revolting finish was pretty much the icing on the crap cake. Hogan was Hogan, Piper was Piper, Flair only did his basic/cliche stuff, and Sid seemed to have this weird disease that prevented him from actually making contact with any blows. It's *1/2, probably lower if I actually went in expecting anything from it. I will say that this was a fine match to put in front o fa house show crowd, though, as they just wanted to see the stars and not necessarily any high quality wrestling. It may also be worth a look from home video viewers who are nostalgic for that magical period in which we got some Flair/Hogan interaction when they were both still close to their primes.

The next segment features the Bushwhackers stumbling in to an aerobics class when they mistake it for something related to airplanes. Stop looking at me like that, it's what really happened. They convince the girls to replace their workout routine with the Hungai, and much hilarity ensues. I honestly don't think that words can describe how much fabulous camp value this had. If you're somebody who loves bad wrestling, hunt down this segment. Just for trivia purposes, the aerobics class was being held in the same WWF fitness center that was featured heavily during the first season of MTV's Tough Enough. (Which, for the record, I just watched again and still must say is a damn fine piece of television.)

Wrestling Video Rule #1: If there's a segment about a wrestler, they must be in the following match. Hence:

Match Numero Dos: The Beverly Brothers (w/The Genius) & The Nasty Boys (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, Sgt. Slaughter, & The Bushwhackers

The Genius kicks us off with a lackluster poem, and then a huge stalling match breaks out. It's so long, in fact, that the crack announce team of Sean Mooney and Alfred Hayes is left to provide us with stupid facts about the population of New Zealand (3.5 million) and place bets on which man from each team will start the match. Oh yeah, and the foreign Bushwhackers assist in a USA chant. That's always been one of my favorite logic gaps in wrestling. Brian Knobs and Bushwhacker Butch eventually pair off for some individual stalling, just because the four on four stalling from earlier wasn't quite enough. Knobs finally ambushes Butch while he's playing to the crowd, knocking him over and dropping some elbows. A blind charge sees Knobs hit nothing but boot, and a bulldog follows. The ever-popular ass biting follows, and Sags runs in to break it up, only to have Luke run in and bite HIS ass. A pier six brawl erupts, fortunately without Duggan and Slaughter biting the Beverleys. The faces then clear the ring with a quadruple-team clothesline, and all four Hungai in celebration. I suppose it's better than the modern day equivalent where all of the faces would do that godawful "YOU CAN'T SEE ME" gesture.

Flashing forward a bit, we're back with Slaughter and Sags in the ring, which doesn't last too long before Sarge brings in Duggan for some double teaming and an armbar. Said arm is then thrown in to the turnbuckle by Duggan, and he quickly brings in Luke, who continues the arm work by biting it. The tide turns as a Beverly brother knees Luke in the back as he comes off of the ropes, which slows the Bushwhacker down enough for Blake to come in and get a hotshot for two. The heels proceed to quadruple team Luke, and Beau comes in for a back elbow before immediately bringing in his "brother." Blake drops a headbutt and slams the New Zealander before heading up top. Slaughter shoves him off, however, and that's enough to allow the hot tag. Duggan and Knobs are in officially, but it doesn't matter as pier six number two of the match breaks out. All four heels are whipped in to each other, and then they're all piled up int he same corner for the Bushwhackers to nail them with the human battering ram. The four are then double whipped out in order as Duggan and Slaughter take each of them down with a double clothesline. Amidst all of this high brow humor, Knobs is nailed with the battering ram, but Sags hits Luke in the back with Jimmy Hart's megaphone, and Knobs gets the three count off of that. Duggan and Slaughter clear the heels from the ring post match, and the faces celebrate/tend to Luke (who at one point is made to look like he's being breastfed by Sgt. Slaughter.)

Match Thoughts: This was probably a good little comedy opener for the live crowd when it first occurred, but it doesn't exactly stand up to the test of time very well. Everything just wound up having a huge Saturday morning cartoon vibe to it. Since it probably fulfilled its original purpose well though it sucks today, we'll give it *3/4.

Match Numero Tres: Shawn Michaels (w/Sensational Sherri) vs. The British Bulldog

This is not to be confused with their semi-famous match in which HBK bested the Dog for the Intercontinental Title. (Sherri was long gone at that point.) A lockup starts, and Shawn gets a short-lived headlock. He's shoved off, and neither of his requisite shoulderblocks do any good against the bigger Bulldog. Davey Boy gets a lariat, and Shawn goes a little bump happy for it, throwing himself over the top rope, popping up off the floor, and ramming his back in to the guardrail. He's quickly back in to the swing of things, though, reentering the ring for a British Bulldog headlock, which takes two attempts for him to get out of. When he does get out, Shawn successfully gets a leapfrog, but he drops down to attempt a monkey flip and gets nailed for his troubles. Davey Boy then gets an armbar and displays his strength by picking Michaels up off of the ground with the move. Michaels eventually gets out of it but can't manage to hiptoss Davey because he's just that big and strong. Another clothesline is hit, and Sherri pops up on to the apron to provide some distraction action. Said distraction lets Shawn gets the not yet deadly (and not yet connecting with a guy's face) superkick to turn the tide. Some stomping softens up the Bulldog enough so that he can be back body dropped, somewhat negating the whole power versus speed deal that they were trying for earlier. A back elbow follows that up, and let's break out the blatant choking while we're at it. A chinlock is next for Shawn, and I think we all know that the Bulldog powering out is immanent. Well, we all should know that, at least.
Michaels is right there to cut off the comeback, however, as he tosses the Dog out of the ring by his tights, a move that we need more of these days. Sensational Sherri taunts him down on the floor, which provides just enough distraction for Shawn to come off of the apron with a flying clothesline. Back in the ring, HBK comes off of the top rope with a double ax handle that gets two. And, in a lovely bit of irony, Sean Mooney mentions that Michaels has remained injury free despite his high risk moves. Well, that sure didn't wind up lasting long. Shawn switches to something decidedly more low risk as he applies a second chinlock for Davey to power out of. Oddly enough, the comeback is cut off again, this time by a slam from Shawn. The second rope elbow gets two, and the Heartbreak Kid goes to the well one too many times, getting caught with a first to the stomach on another flying ax handle. The Bulldog rallies and gets the classic ten head smashes to the turnbuckle, and Shawn winds up in that ridiculously contrived position where he lays stomach down in the corner across the top ropes. Naturally, Davey kicks a field goal, and injury-free Shawn once again happily bumps all the way down to the floor. Smith brings him back in rather quickly for the military press slam, which sees Shawn being dumped crotch first over the top rope. The Bulldog then runs the ropes, but Sherri pops up on to the apron and grabs him from behind to draw the cheap DQ. The Sensational One is pulled in to the ring by her adversary, and Davey sets up for a powerslam, only to have Michaels trip him up from the outside. Sherri totally would've taken that move, too. Not much to look at, but she was always willing to mix it up with the men.

Match Thoughts: After having watched a lot of these videos, I've repeatedly seen a type of match that I like to call the "Shawn Michaels Coliseum Special." He goes out there and has a match that isn't too horribly long or exciting, but he bumps his ass off fo a short period of time in order to really get his babyface opponent over. If you think about it, it's the perfect sort of match to wrestle for a crowd at a non-televised event, as it gives them plenty of opportunities to cheer on the babyface without dominance pissing them off. Shawn applied his typical formula here, and it worked well enough aside from the DQ finish. Shawn's bumping made the Bulldog look like a killer, and he also got in enough big moves so that he didn't look like a complete jobber. And, unlike the previous two matches, the wrestlers involved actually got down to business and wrestled instead of standing around and playing to the crowd for twenty minute periods. Of course, "good for what it was," does not always equal "excellent," so this stands at **. I would've gone a bit higher with a proper finish, though I doubt it would break *** even then.

In another bizarre attempt at humor, we're introduced to Needles, the tailor to the wrestlers. I'd say "wrestling tailor," but then everybody would think we've got an Isaac Yankem/TL Hopper sort of thing going on. Anyway, Needles is trying his best for a Woody Allen-esque nervous Jew stereotype as he interacts with various WWF wrestlers. The highlight is Needles measuring the Undertaker's arm while being choked by it. Of course, The Mountie makes an appearance at the end just so that wrestling tape rule number one might be invoked again.

Match Numero Cuatro: The Nasty Boys & The Mountie (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Bret "Hitman" Hart & The Natural Disasters
After some perfunctory stalling, Earthquake chases Brian Knobs out of the ring, and the Disasters have him isolated on the outside. Sags tries to save his partner by diving off of the apron, but Typhoon catches him and rams his back in to the apron. Sags is sent back in to Bret Hart's waiting hands, and some generic pounding ensues. Jerry eventually bails to the heel corner, and the Mountie hugs him before entering the ring to square off with the Hitman. There's a lockup to start, and Bret gets in some punches before the Mountie leapfrogs over him. Then, repeating Shawn Michaels' bit from earlier, Jacques drops down on to his back for a monkey flip only to have Hart drop a forearm across his face. Both of his partners having already failed, Brian Knobs tags in to the match now, and he wins a lockup by shoving Bret in to the corner and tagging him with some forearms. An avalanche misses, however, and Hart brings in Earthquake. Knobs is kind enough to take a bump off of a mere shove from Mr. Tenta, and all three heels get piled up in the corner so that Quake can avalanche them. Typhoon then joins in the fun by throwing his weight in to Earthquake's back, and Bret also latches on to the man train before things are all said and done. The Disasters then whip all the bad guys in to Bret's boot, which is enough to make the evil doers contemplate walking out on the match. I really wish they hadn't, because it leads to an inane discussion between Hayes and Mooney about what happens to the losers' purse money should they forfeit. Lord Al eventually decides that President Jack Tunney takes it and gives it to charity.

Anyway, Jimmy Hart eventually persuades his man to get back in to the match, and Hayes makes a good point for once, noting that it's because Hart can't get his manager's cut if the team doesn't get paid. Typhoon and Sags restart the match, and it's another lockup. Sags attempts a slam, which would never work in five bazillion years, and he gets clotheslined down for his trouble. With that, Bret is back in, and he drops a fist from the second rope before applying an armbar that Sags quickly gets out of. The Hitman is tossed out of the ring, where the Mountie gives him a chairshot to the midsection before punking him out with the help of Brian Knobs. A series of Sags elbowdrops awaits Hart back on the inside, and Knobs tags in to do the exact same thing. The Mountie is brought in for a bit as well, and he gets a nice flying back elbow in on Hart before getting kicked in the face off of a back body drop attempt. That gives us our hot tag to Typhoon, and he chokes out the Mountie. Rougeau, ever the non-Lanny Poffo genius, tries to make his comeback with a sunset flip, but the fat guy just sits down on his chest. An avalanche follows, and then Earthquake comes in. He stomps around on the mat to foreshadow his big finish, but the Nasties run in to break that up, and guess what happens Their efforts fail, as they're quickly tossed out of the ring by the faces. It gives the Mountie enough time to roll out of the ring, though, and the bad guys finally bail for real and get counted out. Their purse was donated to the International Foundation for Shitty Finishes.

Match Thoughts: Eh. This is actually a shade worse than the eight man tag on the tape, because they all mailed it in without even bothering to throw in the pathetic attempts at comedy. Bret Hart, who I was planning on seeing some good work from, seemed to be completely disinterested in wrestling this match. If you watch his facial expressions throughout the bout, he's literally just going through the motions, with his visage never changing. Rougeau actually out-worked the Hitman here, hitting the only decent looking offense in the whole match and also bumping around for the big men nicely when it was needed. Tack on the cheap ending to the blah match, and you get yourself *1/4

Match Numero Cinco: Virgil vs. The Repo Man

It's probably worth noting that Virg is going in to this one wearing a protective noseguard, which I honestly don't remember the origins of. As a result, I'll spare any lame jokes about how this should've been a mask vs. mask match. Virgil kicks things off by nailing Darsow when he attempts to ambush the babyface, and some punches lead up to the Repo Man missing a sitdown splash he was attempting to counter a Virgil sunset flip. Curly Bill goes for the Million Dollar Dream early, but Demolition Smash bails out to the arena floor. Crusher Kruschev re-enters the ring and attempts a second ambush, but his opponent sees this one coming too and scores with a backslide for our first near fall. Mr. Jones gets a drop toe hold and an armbar, but Mr. Hole in One backs him in to the corner and kicks away on the break. Punching follows, and Shane Irish whips him right in to the turnbuckles before connecting with a lariat. A leaping knee from Vincent misses, and he takes a bump over the top rope and down to the floor off of that one. The Blacktop Bully follows him out and delivers a clothesline, making sure to tell the referee the cause of Virg's little spill. ("He slipped!") You'll note that in the last line I ran out of cutesy smark references to make about the combatants' other gimmicks, so it's back to their names at the time of the match. Damn, and I thought I could make it the whole way through.

Anyway, the two head back in to the ring, and Virgil gets sent in to the corner while Repo mocks his the resulting back injury. I don't think I've ever seen anybody use body language better in the ring than Darsow did when he was playing this character . . . he got over the fact that he was a sneaky, conniving cartoon character of a villain so easily. He proves this further by sneaking up on Virgil from behind to land a punch, and he gets a two count off of that simple move. A neck vice follows, and the big babyface comeback results. However, it's cut off by a Repo Man kneelift . . . or so we think, as Virgil gets a cradle for two. Repo then fires off some punches, but Virgil clotheslines him after ducking one of the masked man's, and a pair of dropkicks takes down Darsow. A side Russian legsweep gets two for the former bodyguard, but he runs in to a back elbow on an attempt at a corner clothesline, and the Repo Man puts his feet on the rope during a rollup to get the tainted victory.

Match Thoughts: After watching a lot of today's WWE product in which nobody outside of the main event seems to have a personality or motivation, it was refreshing to see a match like this one in which two guys who were nowhere near the top of the card were allowed to go out there and work against each other, with each having a well-defined character and enough name value to prevent the crowd from completely falling asleep. Unfortunately, my approval of that portion of the match does not carry over in to a high rating. Virgil took a few good bumps, and, as I mentioned previously, Repo Man matches usually make me laugh for all of the right reasons. However, despite his mannerisms, his singles matches have never been the greatest, and things were just too darn slow for my tastes. *1/2
Match Numero Seis: "El Matador" Tito Santana vs. Skinner

I nearly shot myself at the thought of having to recap this. No, seriously. It's that horrid.

Things start out fairly normal, with Alfred Hayes droning on about what a great man Tito Santana is, by virtue of all the charity work that he does in his home town. That's all fine and good, but then they start wrestling. Skinner is sent to the corner off of the initial lockup, and he (of course) gets a clean break from the squeaky-clean Matador. The gator man fares a bit better off of lockup number two, getting a side headlock that turns in to a hammerlock . . . even though Tito quickly reverses it. Skinner makes it to the ropes, and then decides to taunt the big, three hundred pound biker who's sitting at ringside. Normally I'd call that a pretty bad move on Skinner's part, but the biker's wide rimmed aviator style glasses kill off any sort of intimidation factor that he could have had going for him. With the heckling leatherman taken care of, the two wrestlers lock up again, this time with Tito getting the headlock and shoulder blocking Skinner down. Proving that he might be one of the wussiest wrestlers ever, Mr. Kerin threatens to walk out on the match. Yes, due to a SHOULDERBLOCK. Lockup number four awaits us upon his return, and Skinner's resulting headlock is reversed in to a headscissors by Tito. Skinner pops out of it, but Santana locks his head again, and he somehow manages to get a two count off of it. There's a quick shoulderblock from Mr. Matador, and he then slaps the headlock right back on before Skinner makes it to the ropes. So there's a break, and they decide to lock up for a FIFTH time before Tito puts on ANOTHER HEADLOCK. Skinner repeatedly tries to power out of it and repeatedly fails, but he finally figures out a winning formula by kicking Tito's knee out from under him, a tactic that more wrestlers need to use. I'm just picking up all sorts of cool old-school heel tactics off of this tape. Too bad nobody could put them all together in to one good match.

Santana now finds himself on the outside, where Skinner rams his head in to the apron and chokes him out on the floor . . . I suppose the concrete is giving him extra leverage or something. The duo avoids being counted out (dammit), and Skinner headbutts El Matador as he stands on the apron, before hitting the ever-popular arm bite. A dynamic reverse chinlock follows, as Mr. Kerin belts out the ever-witty taunt of "GIVE UP, MEXICAN!" before getting frustrated and biting the hell out of Tito's head. More generic lumbering heel tactics follow, as Skinner chokes out Santana with the ropes and pulls on the sides of his mouth, only to be cut off by some fists from the walking stereotype. Wait...I just realized that phrase is entirely too vague to be used in this match. Walking MEXICAN stereotype. There we go.

The babyface's punches are all for naught, though, as Skinner gouges him in the eye and applies a boot to his throat. A slam from the gator man gets two, and, when he can't get the three count, he pounds Santana's head in to the mat out of frustration a couple of times. Good to see Steve channeling his anger towards more positive ends, eh? The man from the Everglades is then generous enough to grace us with the use of a camel clutch, one of the most innovative and painful looking moves in the history of professional wrestling. No, really. Stop laughing. Skinner punches the back of Tito's head while he's still in the hold, which is a fairly cool move . . . but then he just sends his "cool" factor plummeting right back down the toilet by pulling the old back rake out of its mothballs.
Some punches and chops from Kerin lead in to a snapmare and a chinlock, as though we really needed another resthold here. The camel clutch was THIRTY SECONDS AGO! Then, things go from bad to ridiculous, as Santana tries to make his big babyface comeback, only to have Skinner cut him off and continue with the chinlock for some unknown reason. After a little more chinlockery, Tito goes to make the comeback again, but Skinner cuts him off YET AGAIN, making this hold seem longer than anything you hear about in one of those hour and a half long Frank Gotch matches. Eventually, Kerin decides that he's had enough of this and releases the hold, slamming El Matador soon after. Our heel for the night then goes up top, only to get his intestines punched off of a double ax handle attempt. Santana wastes no time in firing off two dropkicks and a kneelift en route to landing his forearm to the back of the head with a long Spanish name that I can never pronounce. It gets him the win. Finally.

Match Thoughts: So I've been trashing this one since before I even started calling the action . . . do you think the score is going to be that favorable? This match featured more resting than I've seen just about anywhere else, and it's not even as though the two were resting as a result of having pulled off an incredible sequence of high risk moves . . . oh no. Instead they needed to rest due to their hectic schedule of backrakes and mouth stretching. Normally Tito could go with the best of them, but Skinner controlled the pace here, and the result is one of the most embarrassing WWF matches that I've ever seen. I'm not trying to say that every match has to be a huge conglomeration of highspots and flippy-doodle moves, but when you do nothing but res and it's clear that the crowd is just not buying it, something needs to change. I'm amazed that these two guys didn't pick up the pace given their levels of experience. Big honkin' DUD.

Match Numero Siete: The Berzerker w/Mr. Fuji vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage

Savage ducks some clotheslines to start, but Fuji trips him up to allow an ambush by the Berzerker. The Macho Man is sent to the outside, and Nord punches away at him before sending him back in . . . and back out again. The Berzerker's crazy and unorthodox, you see. Some fists are thrown back in on the ring apron, and the big Viking gets an eye gouge before delivering a piledriver. Savage is, however, able to get his feet up on the ropes at the two count. Randy leaves the ring again, and more illegal tactics are used as the stairs get involved and a bodyslam on the floor occurs. On the inside, a kneedrop from the Berzeker misses, and Savage capitalizes with a clothesline and an eye gouge.
Randy runs in to a boot on his blind charge, however, and the Berzerker slams him. In the process, Savage's foot clipped the referee's head, leading to a nice little ref bump. While he's down, the Berzerker misses a flying shoulderblock but lands a kneelift in order to set up the Macho Man for....THE FUJI SALT OF DEATH! Randy ducks, however, and Fuji inadvertently blinds his own man. To add insult to injury, Savage decks the evil Oriental manager and grabs his cane, climbing up to the top rope and blasting the Berzerker with. To put the big cherry on top of this sundae of a match, the big elbow is dropped, and Savage gets the three count.

Match Thoughts: This was quick, but I'll be damned if it wasn't energetic. Both guys were in constant motion, particularly Savage. The two brought a lot of intensity to the table, which not only made the pacing of the bout fun, but was also crucial to both of their characters, who were supposed to be a tad whacked in the head. It served its purpose quite nicely, even if it wasn't the longest match in the world. *3/4

Match Numero Ocho: Tatanka vs. The Warlord

I didn't really remember Tatanka and the Warlord's WWF tenures overlapping all that much, so either this is a one-night reapperance from the Warlord, or I'm just flat out mistaken. I'll leave research into the matter as an exercise to the reader. There's an interesting continuity issue to note here too, as Tatanka has his ceremonial feathers clipped to his ear for this match, while Rick Martel was wearing them earlier in the Needles segment (he had stolen them as part of an angle, naturally).

The two lock up to start, and the Warlord uses his roid rage to shove Tatanka away. Lockup number two sees the Lumby Indian shoved back to the corner, where the Warlord pastes him with forearms, only to have Tatanka kick and chop back. He's caught and slammed on a cross body block attempt, however. The former Power of Pain misses on his attempted elbowdrop, and Tatanka lands some more chops before failing miserably on a roll up attempt. As punishment, the Warlord boots him and slams his head to the buckle before landing a hotshot. The snap mare cues us all that it's time to rest, as Warlord applies a chinlock. An abbreviated babyface comeback sees Tatanka power out of the hold, only to get plowed back down with a flying lariat which gets two.
The Native American is then tossed out of the ring out of frustration, and his head is sent in to the stairs. You'd think that, after all of these years, somebody would just replace them with a damned stepladder or something. Tatanka then tries to climb back in to the ring, but the Warlord is waiting and just knocks him off of the apron twice before finally showing some mercy . . . if by "showing some mercy" you mean "getting Tatanka's shoulder driven in to his abdomen." Our feathered hero then tries for a sunset flip, but the Warlord simply punches him in the face and slaps on a chinlock to punish us (errr . . . Tatanka) some more. Mr. Chavis' arm comes up on three, but his big comeback is cut off again, this time with a double ax handle from the Warlord. The chinlock is reapplied for yet another comeback, and this time Tatanka chops away before being taken down by the big man's fist. Warlord then picks him up for a slam, but Tatanka rolls through it and gets the three count out of nowhere, keeping his undefeated streak alive and presumably sending the Warlord back under his rock.

Match Thoughts: Though not quite as lethargic as Santana/Skinner from earlier on, this match also featured way too much resting and an ending that made absolutely no sense given that Tatanka was being built up here, while the Warlord was either on his way out of the promotion or already out of it. It wasn't actively horrible, though, so this one escapes with a 1/2*.

Final Thoughts

Number of Matches: 8
Highest Star Rating: **
Lowest Star Rating: DUD
Average Star Rating: *1/2

Obviously there were some bad, bad matches on this tape, most notably the encounter between Tito Santana and Skinner. In fact, nothing on the tape really stood out as a ***** pure workrate classic. However, I have to say that there's something oddly endearing about this period of the WWF's history. Ric Flair was there, Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels were both working their way up the card, and there was ridiculously campy stuff like Needles the Tailor and the Repo Man that you can't help but laugh at. So, if you're interested in that sort of thing, drop me an e-mail, and the tape could be yours . . . if the price is right.