MeeThinks 3.28.06: Sizing Up The ‘Big Time’ (Page 1 of 2)

Posted by John Meehan on 03.28.2006

Reasonable, POSITIVE WWExpectations for WrestleMania 22


" I will have nothing else but only this;
And now methinks I have a mind to it!"
- Portia, The Merchant of Venice
Act IV, scene i

Hey y'all –

Welcome back to your weekly dose of optimism and *the* most positive column in the IWC today. Though recent debate results and corresponding copyright issues forbid Mee from bolding the preceding passage and presenting it in an upstyle (all first-letters-capitalized) format – I assure you, this column's claim to be the most positive thing going in the IWC today is just as valid as that of those other guys – since, to be technical about it – more people voted "who cares?" than for either of our cases.

But anyway –

Oftentimes – both on the interwebs and in the "real world – some people will slam on those optimists among us, saying that we're too blinded by our own positivity to allow ourselves to accept the reality of the state of pro wrestling (and its various developments) today.

On the flipside, a fair percentage of web fans consistently find themselves disappointed by the industry simply because they set standards of their own that are simply "too high" to be realistic. Sure, it's ok to want to see your favorite company deliver "the goods" night in and night out, and yes – there's absolutely nothing wrong about being a bit bummed out when the company just flat out falls short of your expectations… but it almost seems counterintuitive to get your hopes up for no justifiable (or reasonably attainable) reason time and time again only to complain that the product "didn't live up to your expectations" immediately afterwards.

True, being "consistently disappointed" with the product gives the IWC plenty of fuel to bitch about on a week-in, week-out basis – but there's also a certain element of "fool me twice, shame on me" to be had in the smarks penchant for slagging on a product that they STILL watch (quite loyally, no less) just for the sake of saying "see? I toldja so!" every time something goes wrong.

So –

Since I'm trying to be as "optimistic" as I am "realistic" with my expectations (so as to not "get my hopes up over nothing and to guarantee the best viewing experience possible), this week (and if it works, for a number of the other major PPVs in the months to come) – Meethinks will be giving you the "best case scenario / realistic case scenario" situation to help enjoy the Big Time ppv for all that it is and all that it (reasonably) should be.

Rather than stick with our normal formula, we'll look at matches one at a time in a three-pronged case for what fans can look forward to from each match. The three parts will be as follows:

1) In an Ideal World… - the part where we can fantasize about all of the Bret Hart run-ins and Ric Flair title victories we can dream up. Basically, a listing of all of the "ideal" expectations that a lot of fans often mistake for the "realistic" expectations – (and thus are subsequently disappointed by).

2) Practically Speaking… - the part where we take all of the booking and long-term plans into account, and attempt to predict what each match on the card will offer us in terms of workrate, storytelling, fan reaction, potential for outside interference, and the ramifications fans will likely be seeing develop from each contest.

3) So What Can We Expect? - a synthesis of the first two aspects, really – this third category will be the most crucial of the three in setting realistic expectations for what fans can reasonably expect from each and every match on the card.

After setting these "reasonable expectations" for the ppv, we'll revisit each of these matches one at a time in next week's column to see just how well each of these contests measured up. And since we're setting "reasonable expectations" (rather than merely "fantasy-booking" our way through how we'd like to see things go down), when we revisit things in one week's time, perhaps we'll be a bit more inclined to (gasp) actually have enjoyed the show as a result!

Sound like a plan?

Rock & roll.

Glossary entries and reader mail are below, as always – so let's get right to this week's debate, in a point-by-point breakdown of all of the matches, storylines and angles that have fed into the Big Time pay-per-view event known as…



In a little column we likes ta' call

MeeThinks: Sizing Up The ‘Big Time'
Reasonable, POSITIVE WWExpectations for WrestleMania 22

We've covered how we got to this point twice before (The Road to WrestleMania, and again with March Madness, WWE Style!), so this column will cut the jibber-jabber and focus on the nuts and bolts of what fans can and SHOULD expect from each of the matches on the card – deal?

Starting from the "bottom," then – let's break down the "Big Time" in a match by match fashion.


Candice Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson
Playboy Pillow Fight

In an Ideal World… - one or more of the "Divas" (and again, given those disturbing Torrie photos from last time, I use that term quite loosely here) would suffer a well-timed "wardrobe malfunction" or something to that effect, thus giving fans "their money's worth" with a sneak peak at the inside pages of this month's Playboy magazine. Then again, there's something to be said for those wrestling fans dropping $50 on the off-chance that they might see some boob… but…

Practically Speaking… - WrestleMania is easily *the* biggest "casual fan"-purchased pay per view in WWE's calendar year. As such, they've got a lot of one-time viewers here and they know it, which means that while delivering some sort of "boob-tacular" spectacle would definitely give fans that "only at WrestleMania, folks!" sort of mark-out moment, the company also has to be well aware that a fair percentage of their audience might still be new and/or unfamiliar with the long-term wrestling product.

As such, teasing T&A and a bit of a tie-in with a men's magazine is good business, as it helps to "mainstream" the WWE product, but out-and-out boobage is categorically bad business. Sure, there are some (desperate) fans who enjoy watching a nip-slip as much as the next guy, but banking on such a "money shot" at such a "money ppv" is a dangerous game, as a good chunk of the rest of that "unfamiliar" segment of the audience could well take such an incident as their excuse to write-off the product altogether – which, of course, means that they're not likely to be repeat buyers.

In other words – if you're lookin' for ta'ta's… don't get your hopes up, fellas.

So What Can We Expect? - Realistically speaking? If you're hoping to be impressed by this divas contest, you should hope for two simple things. One, that it's kept mercifully short, as the match won't be anywhere *near* technically sound, and neither woman can really go in the ring. And two, that the match (or either competitor, for that matter) won't take itself too seriously. Could be a nice little innocent-but-dirty-little-secret-comedy-type match to keep the crowd hot (fluffed?) after a big-timer like $itB2 or the U.S. Title bout, so if you're looking for any "good" to come of the Playboy Pillow Fight, you'd be well served to hope that the ‘E uses it for this reason (and this reason alone) and puts it on the back-end of a barnburner to give them time to rest up before the next more meaningful showdown.


Boogeyman vs. Booger T (and Sharmell)
(Totally Called This One, btw)

In an Ideal World… - This match will be kept short so as to mask Boogeyman's limited in-ring ability. Still, a former world champion like Booker T needs to be booked stronger than JBL was made to look at the Royal Rumble, but the match should employ all sorts of smoke and mirrors (quite literally, come to think of it) – and of course, WORMS – in order to put it over the top as more of a "comic relief" showdown than one that pretends to pass itself off as "meaningful." The more over-the-top, the better. The added benefit of Sharmell's involvement will go a long way here, as Boogey will have not one but TWO opponents to terrorize for our amusement. Sure, the match will quote-unquote "mean" something in the long run (and in the continuation of the streak of The Boogeyman character's success) regardless of who goes over – but in an "Ideal World," both men will continue to let their respective characters shine in order to ensure that this match fills the same "light-hearted entertainment" quota that the Playboy Pillowfight will aspire (though likely fail) to attain.

Practically Speaking… - hmm… where to begin? On the one hand, we've got an established veteran who's just coming off of a long injury. On the other hand, we've got a guy with a gimmick which, though incredibly over, should – by all rights – completely be TANKING with a modern-day wrestling audience. Regardless – Boogey is all kinds of crazy over, and fan support of the guy alone should be more than enough to carry both men through the match so long as the ‘E is wise enough to keep it on the shorter side. Practically speaking, WrestleMania is the perfect time for even the most elaborate of entrances to get all the more ostentatious (see: Godfather, The; Michaels, Shawn, etc.) – so there's no reason to believe that WWE will short-change fans with a half-hearted worm-laden freak spectacle from The Boogeyman come the Big Dance.

But getting back to the actual in-ring-merit of this match, even the biggest of Boogeymarks (like Mee) have to be honest enough with themselves to admit that the outright quality (or lack thereof) of the match itself does – for a number of reasons – have the potential to absolutely stink up the joint. Injuries, inexperienced performers, and matches with more allotted time than they can support can each spell disaster for pay-per-view contests – and this match has the potential to boast all three.

So What Can We Expect? Realistically speaking, this one will be most effective it is kept as short as possible. If we're looking for things to get excited about with this contest – it's NOT going to be the in-ring action, so I'd hold out for an entertaining smoke and mirrors contest between some of the most over "showmen" in WWE today. Boogeyman's antics are great by themselves, but Booker's facial expressions (and Sharmell's complete overselling) should be enough to really make this bout shine as the much-needed "comic relief" of the night. Boogey will likely go over, but haters can take solace in the fact that Booker will likely be almost guaranteed to score more offense against him than JBL was able to dish out just two months ago. With a bit of pre-bout antics, elaborate entrances as per usual, a limited (but evenly distributed) amount of in-ring action, and the sure-fire chemistry between Booker, Sharmell and Boogey – this one should actually be a fun little match.


The Undertaker vs. "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry (w/ Daivari)
Casket Match

In an Ideal World… - Undertaker would be fighting somebody who actually poses a more credible threat to his unbeaten streak than a guy like Mark Henry - like, say, Edge... but sadly, this is not to be.

So –

Given our current operating set of variables, then – "ideally" we can hope that the casket helps to mask the Big Man's limited ability in the ring, that the match stays exciting thanks to the wild and whacky antics of Daivari (and other run-ins, if need be), and that the crowd stays hot throughout the bout after a few "near falls" that trick them into believing that Henry actually has a shot at pulling the upset here.

Practically Speaking… - This is probably the most one-sided affair on the card, not to mention the easiest to predict of the lot. All that said, though (and the blatant obviousness of the outcome not withstanding) – I think it's a fair "practical" expectation to recognize that for all of the crap that Mizzark gets from the IWC, the guy has definitely proven that he's willing to step up his game to the best of his (limited) ability when duty calls. ‘Taker, for his part – is riding the heels of a bit of a "hot streak" in terms of his own in-ring ability thanks to the feud with Kurt Angle, and the Henry/Dead Man match from a few Smackdowns back actually proved that the Phenom and The World's Strongest Man do, in fact, have a solid (if limited) chemistry while in the ring with one another. The casket stip will definitely help.

So What Can We Expect? - ‘Taker will win, make no mistake about it. But with any luck, Big Mark's sheer size alone (and Daivari's meddling, where appropriate) could well convince a fair portion of the live audience in attendance that Henry just might be the one to do the impossible by beating the Dead Man on a night where he's never tasted defeat before. I mean come on now – even the most jaded of critics will have to admit that Mark Henry certainly poses a more credible threat to ‘Taker's streak than, say, the Big Bossman!

Sure, the outcome will be the same quite regardless of whether or not fans buy Henry as having a legit shot of winning the thing, but the actual match itself should prove to be far more entertaining if fans are willing to suspend their disbelief in order to allow themselves to "play along" with the outside notion that Henry could pull off the upset. Outside interference will be a HUGE factor if they are to successfully hammer this point home, but I still have a feeling that the crowd will "Mark out" (pun intended) – maybe even with a "good riddance" sort of "Kiss Him Goodbye" style sendoff for the big guy – once the casket lid gets slammed shut either way.


Mick Foley vs. Edge
Hardcore Match

In an Ideal World… - Tables, ladders and chairs, oh yes. Not to mention fire, thumbtacks and barbed wire. Actually – the "ideal" of this contest and the "practical" are pretty much one in the same. In an ideal world, Foley will gladly bring his "A Game" to make Edge look like a bona-fide ass-kicker with main-event-level heel staying power, and that means plenty of plunder and nasty-looking spots from the King of Hardcore. Edge, in turn, should spend most of the match delivering some serious punishment, while at the same time absorbing more than his fair share of damage (blood will help) to really cement him as a three-dimensional top-level threat.

Practically Speaking… - Since the ‘E will still have Shawn/Vince and two title matches to go by the time this bout reaches the arena, there might be some "reigning in" of the violence in this one so as not to burn. As Foley and Edge are well-documented buddies in real-life, and since Foley has pretty much made a career out of taking some of the most wicked beatings in WWF/E history in the process of elevating new talent, I see no reason why the Rated R Superstar shouldn't be thanking his lucky stars that he's fallen into a beautiful placeholder program against a man like Foley at a point in his career where he could have easily crashed and burned out thanks to that aborted WWE Title run. Thanks to the hardcore stipulation though, both men will be able to showcase their strengths (Foley by taking an ass-kicking, Edge by playing the uber-dick heel who has no problem in dishing it out), and with any luck – Edge will walk (or stumble) out of this one with just about every last remaining ounce of "the rub" that Mrs. Foley's Baby Boy has left in him.

So What Can We Expect? - To quote Jigsaw… "oh yes, there will be blood." I don't know if the ‘E will go balls-to-the-wall with thumbtacks AND fire-covered-tables AND barbed-wire, but I see no reason to believe that they won't include one or two of these items in the brawl. Don't get your hopes up for an all-out-ECW-style bloodfest (because, remember – they still have Vinny Mac vs. Shawn plus TWO title matches where somebody will wind up juicing, so they can't afford to waste all the carnage in one match), but I fully suspect Cactus/Edge to be a well-told, plunder-filled story that will ultimately be used to cement the Rated R Superstar as more than just "that guy who whines and makes Ralph Wiggum angry faces" in the long run. He might be the "Rated R Superstar," but Mr. Copeland could definitely use a feud like this to help him regain his "Edge"… and MeeThinks Mick Foley is the perfect opponent for such a task.


Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Hardy vs. Fit Finlay vs. Bobby Lashley
Money in the Bank Ladder Match

In an Ideal World… - This match is probably the easiest to "fantasy book" into the "Ideal World" echelon. Ideally? Flair pulls the longshot upset victory in a hard-fought contest (in which he's almost certain to bleed). Then, later on in the night – Trips beats Cena for the WWE Title in the main event (because you just know they're going to push that match till the end of the card), and The Nature Boy comes out all bloody and battle-damaged from earlier in the night, only to confront Triple H in the middle of the ring as The King of Kings proudly hoists his newly won WWE title belt. Then Flair tells Trips "one more time, let's finish this for good," cashes in the guaranteed title shot in an impromptu 15-minute "rubber match," and ultimately emerges victorious to close out the show with a shower of confetti after being crowned the NEW World Champion for the seventeenth time, fat boy.

Practically Speaking… - as insanely awesome as the aforementioned scenario would be, the odds of it happening are quite remote at this point. True, announcers have been planting the "Ric Flair simply can't do it anymore" seed which might lead one to believe that he's going to shock the world with one last hurrah in the near future, but common sense (and all rumors and promotional material to this point) dictates that Triple H and Cena will have to go into Backlash facing one another yet again for the WWE Title – and with Flair in the scenario, that's just not gonna' happen. Granted, The Nature Boy could well win the belt in an upset only to drop it (or even retire?) the next night on RAW – but honestly speaking, that would just suck eight ways from Sunday since it would rob fans of anything more than a one-night-only moment at the top from one of the best in the business.

Anyhow – with Flair's involvement in the title picture being just about as far-fetched as a Bret Hart run-in at this point (though I'm not saying that either is impossible, mind you), perhaps it's better to assume that the ‘E will keep him out of the title hunt to keep things more manageable.

So What Can We Expect? Lashley and Finlay have plenty of unfinished bid'ness, so I would not be surprised in the least to watch those two absolutely pound the hell out of one another and completely ignore the briefcase suspended above the ring. So while we're setting realistic expectations for the PPV, let's hope that these two just go nuts on one another and let's count them out of the "likely winners" category so as not to set ourselves up for disappointment.

Flair we've covered, so I'll go ahead and skip right over to the rest of the RAW challengers. If last year's Money in the Bank match was any indication, Shelton will deliver a bang-up performance once again this year, which should be awesome to watch. That said, he's already the IC champion going in to the contest, so there's little reason for him to pick up a win here to keep that momentum going strong. RVD, on the other hand, has been hella-hot since returning to the ‘E a few short months ago – and if the powers that be have been listening to their fans, we could well expect to see Mr. Monday Night walking out of the match with a world title shot in hand. On the other hand, though – with the new "wellness policy" in place and the ‘E having proven reluctant in the past to give the ball to old "RVD 4:20," fans should just as well brace themselves for the reasonable possibility of an RVD loss in the big match in case they decide to put a better-suited "company man" type as the number one contender to the title that effectively equates to the role of public face of the entire company.

That leaves Matt Hardy. No stranger to ladder matches himself, Version 1.0 has undeniably proven that he can "go" in contests that take place some eight feet in the air on the company's flagship ppv. And Hardy's momentum since his August return has been somewhat lackluster (at best), so he of all of the folks here could *really* use a win to buoy his stock and put him back at the forefront of the card. Don't forget – when Hardy re-signed with the ‘E last summer, he told fans to "wait six months and see who's laughing then." Well, we're just about some six months (or more) removed from that little quip – so for the Sensei of Mattitude, it's pretty much time to put up or shut up – so V1 could well be your darkhorse show-stealer in this contest. Even if he's fighting a losing battle (such is the story for so much of his career), I fully expect Matt Hardy to pull out everything in his arsenal here.


World Tag Team Titles Match
Kane & The Big Show (c) vs. Carlito & Chris Masters

In an Ideal World… - Carlito would be in the Money in the Bank match, the tag ranks would be something worth fighting for, Big Show would break the Masterlock and Chris Masters would still be training under Jim Cornette until Steph's soon-to-be newborn is just about in first grade.

Practically Speaking… - Masters is very limited in the ring, the tag ranks are somewhat of a joke (for the immediate future, at least), and Carlito is stuck spinning his wheels in this one rather than challenging for the title shot at stake in the Money in the Bank ladder match that he himself proposed in the first place. Again, all of these things are well-established facts, people – so when formulating your gripes about WrestleMania 22 in advance, maybe it'd be a healthier approach to not get all worked up over the truisms that nobody could fix going into this match. They are what they are, and the match is already scheduled to go down in spite of them - get over it. The variables that have shaped each and every match on a pay per view card are simply not always expected to go exactly to every fan's liking.

So What Can We Expect? - From a technical and workrate perspective, this match easily has the potential to rank among the worst of the night. Sure, Big Show and Kane have demonstrated some on-again, off-again "fire" in the past few months – but "saddled with a lug like Masters" (as so many fans continue to moan), we really shouldn't expect The Giant and The Big Red Machine to pull a golden egg from such a lame duck. Carlito, in turn – has indeed shown some intermittent flashes of brilliance in the weeks leading up to the PPV, but it might be a more reasonable course of action to expect that he'll spend much of the match working the "chickenshit cheapshot heel" approach rather than the "hey look, I can actually wrestle" role.

Masters, for his part, has done a tremendous job (thanks to many a willing WWE superstar) of getting his finisher over as one of (if not THE) most devastating maneuvers in the company today, so if you're looking for healthy expectations to be had from this showdown – perhaps you should focus your attention on just how thoroughly the ‘E will (likely) attempt to continue this trend with some great psychology (yes, PSYCHOLOGY! FROM MASTERS!) throughout the matchup as he tries to overpower his larger and more powerful foes. Expect the Masterlock to play a huge role in this one – and you might just find out that you're entertained by the match in spite of yourself!


Women's Title Match
Trish Stratus (c) vs. Mickie James

In an Ideal World… - Mickie would learn how to throw a convincing kick in more than half-speed, and the ‘E wouldn't have already given us a "sneak peak" at this matchup at New Year's Revolution a few months back. That's about pretty much all the bad stuff you can say about this program, really – which has been expertly booked and thoroughly entertaining all around. The slow-burn, the psycho-turn, the blood-covered-kiss, and that SICK DDT… this match is one of the most long-awaited in WWE history.

Practically Speaking… - two competent workers, a solid storyline, and a big stage to settle the score means that we're looking at a bang-up-program in the making. Some will point out (and perhaps fairly) that the ‘E might be delivering the "blow-off" to this long-standing feud a few months too late – but given the "new twist" of the completion of Mickie's heel turn, there's probably quite a bit of "new life" mileage to be had from this showdown. Logically speaking, Trish has already bested Mickie on at least one occasion – so if they hope to keep their newest psycho-diva hot, smart money is on MJ to go over here. On the "down" side of things, though – regardless who goes over in this one, the ‘E will probably see that there is still plenty of mileage to be had from this angle now that Mickie is an all-out whack (and since there really aren't that many other credible challengers to be had), so it's probably worth pointing out here that we could well be looking at an extended program between these two ladies (maybe even a RAW rematch) that might just as well render the outcome of their ‘Mania showdown moot.

So What Can We Expect? - Yes, there's the potential for this feud to start feeling it's weight sooner than later if the ‘E drags it out with a string of rematches, but taken individually and separate from all of the stuff that's likely to follow – the ‘Mania matchup should be quite good. Since Mickie's all-out "journey to the dark side" is complete, the psychology behind the WrestleMania matchup should be much more entertaining than the duo's showdown at NYR. "Respect" feuds are nice and all, but when you've got such a long-standing quasi-animosity brewing just under the surface for months and months like these two have had, a blowoff at WrestleMania with all-out "heel" versus "face" will probably make for a better match all around for all parties involved. (Think of Rey/Eddie at ‘Mania from last year, a "respect" match between two bona-fide-"faces" which, while solid, was definitely not as entertaining as their later "heel versus face" encounters). Mickie is probably the second most competent challenger in terms of in-ring-skill in all of WWE (Victoria still gets the nod from Mee), but with the added fuel of an extended storyline helping to keep this match all the more interesting – this match could actually wind up being one of the best in the history of women's WrestleMania history.


WWE United States Title Match
Chris Benoit (c) vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

In an Ideal World… - Benoit would be challenging for a world title and a longstanding champion like JBL wouldn't be wasting his time fighting over a "secondary belt" like the U.S. championship. Others might even say that the match fails to live up to expectations as "up-and-comers" should be challenging for this belt at this point in time, but….

Practically Speaking… - The U.S. title picture is in desperate need of life support thanks to months of wasted (or unimaginative) booking that saw Orlando Jordan spend the better part of a year devaluing the thing. As such, the belt seemed just about worthless (that is, until Chris Benoit won it from him and made it his mission in life to bring some prestige back to the thing) and there was little point to give the fans a "who cares?" WrestleMania matchup between two up-and-comers (say, Lashley, Finlay, Kennedy…Kennedy, etc.) fighting over a belt with little to no value in the eyes of the bulk of the audience.

So –

To kickstart the worth of the U.S. division, guys like Chris Benoit, Booker T, Randy Orton and John Bradshaw Layfield – former world champions all – were brought in to lend the strap some much-needed credibility. The plan worked beautifully, and fans are actually finding themselves caring about the division again after many, many months of neglect. The up-and-comers will have their time to run with the thing (and soon, MeeThinks) – but the first priority was getting the belt over as a worthwhile prize in the first place, that way any newcomer challenger who might eventually win the thing will get the rub from it as a result. Seeing JBL challenge Benoit for this "secondary title" on the Grandest Stage of Them All is the last logical piece to re-establishing the belt's cred before the ‘E kicks things into the "pass the torch" phase to giving the strap to a Smackdown midcard that's just brimming with breakout stars in the making (see: Johnny Nitro, Joey Mercury, Matt Hardy, The Boogeyman, Ken Kennedy… Kennedy, Bobby Lashley, Super Crazy, etc.).

So What Can We Expect? - Regardless of who goes over here, I think it's both fair and reasonable to expect two things from this encounter. First, it is likely to be a very good match – perhaps even the sleeper of the night – as both men are well-documented "real life" pals (remember, both guys were hella-tight with Eddie Guerrero). Second – and equally important in appreciating the overall impact of this match – regardless of who wins, this will likely be the first step in the ‘E's efforts to put a now-valuable-belt in the U.S. Championship back in the true midcard to help put over some of the blue brand's biggest superstars of tomorrow. Sure, JBL is limited in the ring and neither he nor Benoit should "be stuck" fighting over a secondary belt after having both main-evented (or co-main-evented) WrestleManias in years past – but given the state of affairs, this match is absolutely the right move for the future of the company as a whole… and it has the potential to be a thoroughly impressive showing to boot.


Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels
No Holds Barred

In an Ideal World… - Bret Hart, period.

Practically Speaking… - Awesome though it may be – not likely to happen, period.

So What Can We Expect? - If you go into this match hinging all of your hopes on a Bret Hart run-in, you should be advised to prepare yourself for a thorough disappointment in advance. Anyone who's willing to give this match an instant "***** classic" rating if (and only if) The Hitman makes an appearance is likely setting themselves up for a "Heart Break," kids. In short – you can't pin all of your love or hate of this match (and this feud) on the longshot appearance of one man who's made it clear that he simply wants nothing to do with the angle altogether.

Instead – a more "realistic" expectation for the match would be to watch it and appreciate it on the merits of what it's likely to be – namely, a knock-down, drag-out "no holds barred" contest that will probably leave both men bloody and exhausted by the time the final bell is rung. By my estimation, neither Vince nor Shawn has EVER "phoned it in" when it comes to a match at WrestleMania – and if fans are willing to get off the "We Want Bret" chants for a second in this one, they might just find themselves in full appreciation of both The Chairman and The Showstopper's performance when all is said and done here.

All that said, of course – run-ins are almost a given with this one; with Shane-o being the most obvious candidate, Steph pulling a close second, and Marty (or Sid) holding down a respectable (but remote) third. And since Shawn has proven more than willing to sell (and oversell) pretty much all of his opponents' offense, I think it's a fair bet that Vince's "reserves" will go a long way in ensuring that the CEO looks like a credible threat and that the match itself comes across well enough to be "WrestleMania worthy" all the same. Obviously, fans are holding out that The Hitman will have a change of "Hart" here and make his presence known (perhaps by double-swerving both guys and leaving them each laid out with two well-placed chairshots), so while the match is likely to be "good" with or without his involvement, Bret is definitely the lynchpin that will decide whether this match will be remembered as "great."


WWE Title Match
John Cena vs. Triple H

In an Ideal World… - SO many possibilities for this one, all of which I'm almost certain the "smark" fans will be happy to list for you in their critiques of this match come next Monday morning. A few examples – Edge would be main-eventing, Trips would be jobbing cleanly, and Cena would find himself nowhere NEAR the title picture. The match will be booed out of the building, Da Champ will make a complete heel turn, and the night will end with Ric Flair standing triumphantly as the WWE Champion thanks to a loophole in that Money in the Bank title shot clause. Sadly, all of these things are completely beside the point now as the Cena/Trips match is inked and has been for quite some time (and, by the looks of things – its also booked for Backlash) – so anybody who wants to slag on the product using any of the cases outlined above is dangerously close to being "redundant" to the point of irrelevance.

Practically Speaking… - The Backlash match is already set, and (spoilers)the voiceover work for the TV ads clearly have Triple H saying "At Backlash, The Game begins!" while Cena's voiceover says "At Backlash, I take what's MINE!" so I don't see any realistic way that the WWE title picture will involve anybody but Cena and Triple H for the immediate future. As for the guys involved – mark fans LOVE Da Champ, but smarts can't stand the guy. Trips, likewise, is a polarizing little bugger himself – because while he's an out-and-out "heel" in the truest sense of the word, fans (mark and smart alike) can't help but applaud the guy for actually being able to get it done in the ring as an incredible "sports entertainer" (with a solid mix of charisma, look and skill). On the flipside of all that, though – plenty of fans might just turn their backs on the match altogether simply because they feel that the program has been shoved down their throats despite the fact that they could care less (see: Brock/Goldberg, WreslteMania XX). In either case, though the fan sentiment absolutely has the power to "make or break" this match.

So What Can We Expect? - Honestly, your guess is as good as mine here. With fan sentiment being as polarized on BOTH men as it has been, we could well see a one-night-only double-turn (e.g. – Rock/Hogan), a swerve-turn (e.g. – Trips teases going face only to stay heel, or Cena teases heel only to win with the same old "Superman" face routine), an all-out turn (Cena goes heel, ala Stone Cold aligning with Vince McMahon), or an utter trainwreck as both men refuse to acknowledge the power the fans are likely to have in drastically reshaping this matchup.

Regardless – this match should be an awesome "WrestleMania moment" just the same. Fan sympathies are going to be pushed, pulled, divided, and prodded through the roof – and there is every reason to believe that no matter what goes on in the ring, this will easily be the hottest match in terms of fan reaction of the night. As such, I'd bank on this one being the last match of the evening despite the fact that the World Title Match is technically the quote-unquote "Main Event" of the show given that it's challengers were determined by the outcome of the Royal Rumble.

So yeah – expect a hot, HOT crowd that should definitely make this a match worth watching regardless of what actually goes on in the ring.


World Title Match
Kurt Angle (c) vs. Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio

In an Ideal World… - This match would be allowed to main event, as it "technically" earned top billing simply because it's challengers were determined by the Royal Rumble, which – according to WWE canon – traditionally has earned that guy the right to main event the Big Dance. And, "ideally" speaking – Rey Mysterio will pull off the impossible and win himself a world title and full fan support on his own merits without the crowd cheering "Eddie! Eddie!" as his "sympathy pop" reward.

In another "Ideal World" alternate reality – there are actually a select few fans who (believe it or not) are actually holding out hope that Eddie Guerrero himself (!) will make a surprising and dramatic return at WrestleMania (since it does fall just one day after April Fool's Day, which – coincidentally – is the night of Eddie's induction into the Hall of Fame) to congratulate (or beat down?) his hermano Rey Rey. Eddie, of course, will simply grab the mic and tell the crowd "I LIIIIIIIIED!" thus earning him ALL KINDS of heat and simultaneously explaining away the moral depravity that would have been required for the company's last six months of faking the guy's death.

Practically Speaking… - sadly, folks – as remote a possibility as the first case scenario is (where Rey wins the belt and fans accept HIM for HIS accomplishments rather than Eddie's), scenario two is simply one hundred times less likely to happen. Sure, I don't think any of us would put it past the ‘E to "work" the fans in just about any angle up to and including a wrestler's death (Road Warrior Hawk's "suicide" attempt? Or maybe Al Wilson, anyone?) – but the sheer logistics of this alone – given the protracted nature of Eddie's absence – just about make such a scenario all but impossible.

In order to pull of a stunt like this, the company would have had to:
a) lie to EVERYONE on their payroll and convince them Eddie were really gone, or
b) ask everybody on the payroll to keep quiet and sign non-disclosure agreements about the thing (or else somebody would have leaked it by now or quit in disgust, guaranteed).

Furthermore, the company would have had to be willing to:
a) decimate it's main event picture on Smackdown, given that Eddie's departure opened up a HUGE hole for several months
b) open itself up to a barrage of media criticisms about drug use among wrestlers
c) attempt to shoot all remaining "mainstream media" credibility by "working" said outlets with a fake death storyline
d) go through the tremendous effort of tucking a "not really dead" Eddie Guerrero away in some remote island, private yacht or company bunker to ensure that nobody in the known world ever found out that he was still alive, and
e) accept the simultaneous resignation of all of those fans (and employees) who simply wanted nothing to do with the company ever again after they'd proven that they're not above "sinking to that level" just for the sake of an angle.

In other words, an "it was all an Eddie lie all along!" storyline payoff is beyond far-fetched, folks – so don't count on it, and don't come around here next Monday morning complaining that such a payoff never took place. Be realistic, and you're much more likely to enjoy the show.

So What Can We Expect? - Rey Mysterio and Kurt Angle have had a fine series of matches between them over the years. Randy "Resthold" Orton's obvious shortcomings in the ring (though they're improving) are easily masked by the triple-threat formula. Yes, the ECW-style "three way dance" might be better suited to add the necessary drama to most other three-way matches, but given the circumstances here – MeeThinks it's perfectly acceptable to have this match determined by your normal "one fall to a finish" rules. That way, Angle can lose the belt and still not get pinned – plus we're not stuck watching Rey Rey "overcome the odds" yet again by simply outlasting (and eliminating) one opponent at a time (as was so many people's gripe about the Royal Rumble), so everybody wins.

Given the fact that Rey is just about as hot as he'll ever be in terms of overall popularity at this time, I'd say that fans will be totally into this match and that the little guy should easily have enough fan support to keep the energy high (and fast-paced) throughout the affair. That means plenty of near-falls (always a crowd pleaser), and a guaranteed pop for the finish no matter who goes over (yes, even Orton). Some will say that Angle's been booked to look like the afterthought in this entire showdown, but I've got little worries that he will most definitely step it up and look like he is THE man to beat come WrestleMania – as again, our Olympic Hero is hardly the type to ever have had a bad match at the Big Dance.

Since this match will likely receive penultimate bidding (second-to-last), there are a bevy of viable outcomes to be had. If the champion like Angle retains, or a heel like Orton goes over and the crowd gets deflated, no harm or foul because they're still likely to have another "barn burner" of divided fan support between Cena and Trips. Then again, if Rey Rey pulls off the miracle (again, obviously still very much the long shot of the bunch) – the crowd will likely find themselves all the more fired up and willing to join in the "we've had OUR moment, now let's crap all over theirs!" fan-participatory action that will be needed to keep the WWE Title match interesting.

No matter what, the Smackdown title match – and WrestleMania 22 as a whole – should be a ppv event to remember. Four hours worth of entertainment and a cavalcade of fresh matchups with possibilities and outcomes that are wide open means that there'll be more than something for everyone at this, WWE's biggest ppv of the year.

Make no mistake about it – WrestleMania 22 is going to be "Big Time," alright – and if we keep our expectations realistic all around, MeeThinks it's going to be an awesome night for everyone involved.


Agree? Disagree?

"Methinks it sounds a parley to provocation!"
- Iago, Othello
Act II, scene iii

Shoot Mee YourThinks and I'll post your thoughts next week!

In the meantime…

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