MeeThinks 3.28.06: Sizing Up The ‘Big Time’ (Page 2 of 2)

Posted by John Meehan on 03.28.2006

Glossary Entries and Reader Mail Abound!

The Unofficial Glossary of Professional Wrestling: Volume XVII

We're compiling a massive Wrestling Glossary of fan observations of the clichés, trends, and standbys of the wrestling world that might as well serve as the unofficial "rulebook" for this sport we all love so well. Each week, I'll post one an entry of my own as well as a few submitted by you, my faithful (and hopefully articulate) readers.

It's simple, really. You submit an entry, I add it to the Glossary, and you get the credit.

This week's entries…

The Clueless Referee Principle (a corollary to points one and two set forth in the standard issue Referee Requirements)
Should a referee become distracted by outside interference after *clearly* seeing that one wrestler totally has the upper hand in a contest, his attention will be completely devoted to the outside distraction and thus he will lose all short-term-memory of just *who*, exactly, was absolutely dominating the contest up until the moment of his distraction. As such, should the tide of a match turn while a referee finds himself otherwise distracted (e.g. – should a second wrestler jump into the ring from behind the referee's back and attack the once-dominant competitor with a weapon), the ref will pay no mind to the fact that the wrestler that was once *clearly* winning has now find himself down and out. Likewise, referees are fully expected to still count a pin without the slightest suspicion that anything out of the ordinary might have transpired while his back was turned.
-Randy Hullinger

The (Always) Unjustified Removal from Ringside Rule
If a heel accompanies a fellow heel to ringside, he or she will be absolutely shocked and completely outraged should he or she be asked to leave the ringside area. Said reaction is guaranteed no matter how blatant, damaging and obvious his or her interference may have been. Likewise, this now-removed-heel's fellow conspirator (the heel participant in the match) will be equally upset and argumentative, and will make a point of registering their disgust and confusion with any and all officials at, on, or around the ringside area. Despite the fact that all of these performers are consummate professionals who make their living knowing every last "in and out" of the pro wrestling business, neither heel in question will ever seem to have any understanding whatsoever that their behavior could have, in any way, been seen as a clear violation of the rules.
- Ranan Engelhart

The Rope "Leverage" Conundrum
A heel holding the ropes while executing a submission move will always make the submission move more powerful. Holding the ropes will always add "leverage" even when it is not physically or gravitationally beneficial (see: Crippler Crossface, Ankle Lock, Figure Four, etc.).
- Ranan Engelhart

The Rope "Leverage" Conundrum, Part II
If a wrestler puts two or even just one leg (or an arm) on the ropes while attempting a pinfall, the "leverage" gained in such an act instantly becomes so great that whomever is being pinned simply cannot kick out.
- Big Boss Man

The Honky Tonk Man Post-Defeat Syndrome
Should an undeserving heel find himself with a championship, he will most assuredly get a long run with said title belt and hold onto it by nefarious means until his reign reaches a point where fans are almost rabid to see him lose. As such, it is a well known fact that a veritable "hero's welcome" and unadulterated fan love is awarded to the challenger that finally bests said heel champion. Following the loss of such a long-tenured championship, said heel will then embark on a vicious losing streak returning jobs to all of those whom he went over on his way up, and to each and every newcomer and rising star so as to completely "give the rub" to all opponents and thus pass on the entirety of his previous heat. This, coincidentally, is JBL's current role.
- Mark Satrang

The Ethnic Default Rule of Foreign Relations
In films, it is a widely accepted *fact* that all Asian people know karate, all Italians have mob ties, all Latin people can dance salsa, and any and all Russian characters are related to some ex-KGB agent or paramilitary organization now working for the new Russian Mafia. In professional wrestling, a similar set of standards exists – but is compounded by the following premise:

If a wrestler is a face hailing with an ethnic-friendly gimmick from a country outside of the North American continent, their pre-ring entrance announcement will *always* give the full name of the wrestler's hometown city, state (or province) and country of origin. If a wrestler is a heel hailing from a country outside of the North American continent, their pre-ring entrance announcement will only contain the name of their home country (without the name of their home city) so as to emphasize their "foreignness."
- Meehan

Great work all around, y'all! This Sunday is WrestleMania, so maybe we'll observe some new ones this weekend, no? Keeping watching closely, and shoot Mee your glossary entries today!

In the mean time…

YouThinks Reader Mail

Lots of great feedback from last week's column, so let's get right to it.

First and foremost, Manu Bumb, who dared to open the gates of hell and unleash those ghastly Torrie Wilson photos on the unsuspecting public at large:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY????? Why did you do that to me??? Couldnt you have just used words? simply referenced what Shane douglas said? I would've believed you, and yet, I wouldve still had my fantasies!!!!!! Now, I must burn my copies of pboy ;-( and every time I see her, I will throw up :( THIS is what the "most positive column on 411" does to its loyal readers? And why is she flipping me off in each picture? thats just mean of her.

so, where are these pictures from? she really does look like crap. they must cake on that make-up.
- Manu Bumb

Sorry to have to do that to ya, Manu – but ask and ye shall receive. As best as I can tell, those pics were originally hosted on some Aussie fellow's site that prides itself in bar-hopping, party-popping, and name-dropping with the underbelly of the Hollywood "B-lite." They're out there on the web *SOMEWHERE* alright… but just don't run a Google Image Search for "Torrie Wilson" "Ugly" if you're surfing from work. Some NSFW stuff there, for real.

A somewhat longer e-mail that starts with Torrie and moves to some of the other topics from last week's column from Luke Davey:

I can't believe those Torrie Wilson photos. I've seen a lot of gruesome shit in my time, - including an obese naked woman lying dead on a street after jumping from a building, a very thin penis entering a fat penis, numerous decapitations, and 'tub-girl' - but that was one of the most obscene sights I've ever laid eyes on. I was almost sick. I can't believe the nerve of that bitch. She can't wrestle, and now it turns out her face resembles something from Rikishi's internal organs. I hope Billy Kidman knows that thing that he has married, or he's in for an awful shock if he comes on here.

I didn't get the 'Spinner-chick' comment made about Candice, but maybe I'm just an idiot. I tried working it out and it came down to either meaning she's a slut, or a break dancer. Or maybe that she's fat (which I don't really agree with). Anyway, it would be cool if you could elaborate on that in your next column.

But anyway, as for TNA Primetime, I must say I completely agree. If Saturday Night's Main Event has taught us anything, it's that the Primetime audience for professional wrestling is practically non-existant. It would almost be worse for TNA to be on at Primetime than after UFC, although that might change after several months of winning over fans. On top of that, there is only one hour of TNA Impact a week. It wouldn't make sense to put it on in a 9pm slot when a potentially longer show needs to end before too late. And the UFC audience watching TNA is probably the best point to make, because the more people who 'accidentally' catch TNA and like it, the less chance there is of people feeling it's being shoved down their throats - or, suffering the Jeff Jarrett syndrome, in other words (not that I dislike Jarrett, but he's no Owen Hart, and he only has the title so much because he was so desperate for a WWE title run, an idea that I admittedly approved of).

As for Wrestlemania, I have to say the card is actually shaping up pretty nicely. Apart from Sandpaper Face (I just vomitted in my mouth - fuck those photos, I hate that bitch now) vs Spinner Chick (still no closer to understanding that), it's all looking rather intriguing. I'm shocked that there are two womens matches on the Raw side of the card, but then again the bigger Raw matches will probably take about half an hour more of the show than Smackdown's bigger matches. Plus, Smackdown is using Boogeyman who, although I'll admit has won me over with his funny segments and the fun Marty Wright is having, still cannot seem to wrestle for more than shit. I am really annoyed that he is going over Booker T, but at least it's probably going to end up being a Handicap match with Sharmell involved so he can hopefully pin her instead.

Also, I will actually be expecting Mark Henry to defeat Undertaker. The WWE missed the boat by having Orton lose last year, so what better way to make amends than by having a Wrestlemania debutant (or, if he isn't, he might as well be for all the impact he's made in his career) go over one of the company's biggest legends in his own marquee match? Henry will win because, although the record will no longer have Undertaker undefeated at Wrestlemania, he will still be unpinned.

Triple H vs John Cena will be interesting, because if Cena wins and the Money In The Bank winner is Shelton Benjamin, we could have a new champion anyway. Likewise, if Triple H wins and Ric Flair or RVD wins MITB, we could have two champs in quick succession, ala *shudder* Wrestlemania IX. I don't reckon the MITB winner will be challenging at Wrestlemania though, as it seems almost a certainty that the Cena/Triple H feud will carry on after Wrestlemania. Then again, I suppose the feud could continue without the WWE title being involved, although that is so unlikely it might as well be myth.

Rey will almost certainly win the World Title, but I would be much happier with Orton winning it. He really needs the push, and the fans will love Mysterio whatever happens, so it will damage Mysterio to lose a lot less than it will Orton.

But anyway, that's my opinion of the whole thing. Thanks for reading, with a bit of luck I'll see this in your next column. ;) Until then, I'll be continually cringing over those Torrie Wilson photographs...Urgh.

Lots of love,
Luke Davey

Thanks for writing, Luke. You can pretty well see my WrestleMania thoughts by clickin' back to page one – but to your three other points, in order:

1) "Sandpaper face," as you've seen, is a well-deserved moniker given Ms. Wilson's notoriously horrid skin condition. The Hidden Highlights fellas told Mee to say that "I appreciate what WWE has done with her rosy complexion" in order to stay positive, but fact is fact – and "busted" is as "busted" does. Poor Torrie…

2) "Spinner Chick" is simply a reference to Candace's "big debut" as the GoDaddy.com girl, who – when asked something completely unrelated in that original Superbowl ad from last year – merely responded with "no, but I can do *this*" and then preceded to spin around in a circle. Careful attention to much of Candy's WWE career would indicate that "no, but I can do this (*spins*)" is pretty much the girl's default reply to virtually every question that one could ask about her actual "talent" (e.g. – "Can you wrestle?!" "Can you act?!" "Can you carry on convincing dialogue?!" etc.). Hence, "Spinner Chick." It's not a dig, really – more of a lighthearted observation of fact.

3) I think you're spot-on about TNA. Give them time and the boost of the UFC popularity (if I'm not mistaken, that show did really solid numbers last summer, come to think of it) – and I see no reason why TNA won't be in much better shape in six months than they are today, which – in the grand scheme of things – is actually *much* better off than they were six months ago!

Speaking of giving TNA enough time to pay their dues… Ron M had this to offer:

Being strictly a TNA viewer nowdays I was pretty disheartened to find out about Impact being bumped back down. Now, I'm described by some to be "argumentative" and I know I'm a tough sell but I must admit that you've changed my perspective on this. Other than the Catholic analogy which I tuned out completely, you made many good points and comparisons. I kinda feel better about the future of TNA.

Me thinks you've done well.

-Ron M

Thanks for the feedback, Ron. As James Taylor once sang – "that's why I'm here." Eliminating ‘net-gativity one column at a time, like I always say. Too many doomsday-ers and IWC naysayers are always quick to overreact and look for reasons to get all bent out of shape – so I like to keep ‘em all in check whenever possible.

So again, thanks for your appreciation!

Another "step by step" TNA supporter in Edward Lockard had this to say…

Hey MeThinks

I think you really hit the nail on the head breaking down why Thursdays night is a huge step in the right direction for TNA. You nearly made it out to be the better step with the two hour show opinion to be available when The Ultimate Fighter wraps up. The reason I consistently watch Raw is because I do not have anything else to do on Monday. The reason I do not watch SmackDown is because . . . UPN is not available in my area. However, it is pretty unlikely that I would stay home Friday night to watch a show that I read a detailed spoiler for here on 411 several days before hand. That is really the only reason I do not watch Impact at the moment. I am just too busy on the weekend. Most of the week, I am in class so I spend most of my weekend at work since it is the only time I am available. This really is the best timeslot they have had, for myself at least, since it was streaming on the internet.

Also, I cannot stand those people who are at there saying "We want Monday Night War II." While competition would bring the best out the companies, as in all wars, one side will lose. I really because of the fan of professional wrestling around Survivor Series 98. When I reflect upon those days, I remember have to flip between Raw and Nitro. To be honest, it was pretty annoying. So, rather than having Impact go head to get with Raw, why not just leave Impact on Thrusday 9 - 11 timeslot. Both companies and the fans in general would win because the fans would not have to chose between a program, but rather be free to watch all of the programs.

- Edward Lockard

Thanks for taking the time to drop a line my way, Edward. While I for one was totally enamored of the Monday Night Wars (because for Mee, the three-way-pre-programmed flip between USA, TNN and ABC – for Monday Night Football – was always a blast), I can totally understand why you and a number of other viewers may have felt frustrated by being forced to shuffle between two or three solid programs at once.

If there were any one thing that I could wish for TNA as of today, it would be that I'd *love* to see their Monday night replay timeslot be moved up right to 11:05pm. That way they can get the immediate overflow from the RAW audience without being forced to wait for fans to fall asleep in the hour between the two shows (hey, it happens to the best of us). Again, a stepwise concession to bring the company that much closer to going "head to head" with WWE *without* throwing themselves to the wolves by squaring off in direct competition (for now at least, and until a substantial fan momentum push dictates as such)!

While we're talkin' TNA turkey, John Reid has this to add to the discussion. And no, John, I'm not suing:

MeeThinks (hope I won't get sued for gimmick infringement) that TNA is doing the right thing by the gradual process. SpikeTV has already shown faith in the show by moving it to a more popular night of TV viewing. Secondly, if last week's ratings were any indication, that more people are turning into Impact, now that Steiner & Sting have become a regular part of the roster. This is where it pays to have established veterans who the casual fan (or the WCW fan who got turned off after their shutdown) can relate to.

Bottom line is that it's not so much about time slot as it is about characters and developing storylines. A lot of people (including writers at 411) think that TNA just mushes things together. Kind of hard to put any meaningful moments when you only have 42 mintues to broadcast, and in that short timeframe they have done a great job. I'm thouroughly entertained by not only the wrestling but the characters they've developed (who knew Alex Shelly before the Paparazzi cam?) Only the shortsighted ,we-want-our-WWF-Circa-1998 fan wants everything done yesterday, those are the ones that create all the fuss and muss about TNA's doom because Spike TV was smart enough to not throw this show to the sharks.

I believe that Spike TV is so adamant about TNA being on par with WWE that they are wiling to push this show, they're trying to see how it develops. Once the 12-week run of UFC is over, i'm sure we'll get that much needed second hour (and my TV Title 10 minute matches!)

-John

Thanks for that, John. TNA is definitely at a disadvantage with just an hour-long block to stack up against the ‘E's juggernaut of FOUR (plus web footage) each week, so you've got to give the company a lot of credit for packing (quite literally) all that "total nonstop action" into a 42-minute timeframe. That said, of course – there's always room for improvement, and should TNA secure a larger block of TV time – one of the *first* things that the company needs to do is to do away with the "formula" that their Impact zone has fallen victim to as of late.

What "formula," you ask? Basically – every Impact show almost guarantees you a 1) squash match (usually with Monty, Abyss or Joe), a 2) multiple participant X-division match – often as "spotty" as it is entertaining, a 3) Jeff Jarrett & Co. related angle development, and a 4) main event with a schmozz brawl ending, usually leading to a teaser for the next PPV as yet *another* "new face" is promised/promo'ed/hinted at/etc.

True, WWE is certainly not immune to "formula TV" for it's part – but one of the most attractive aspects of TNA is that it's a viable *alternative* to WWE-style wrestling. They should really let their matches do the talking, while using star power like Stinger, Jarrett and Steiner not only to feud against one another (in a series of ongoing and sometimes repetitive vignettes) but also to encourage fans to take notice to the rest of the matches offered *throughout* the entire show itself.

Finally, one last letter from Steve Katz - the same fella' who contributed to last week's column with some not-so-kind assessments of the WHOOOOO! Nature Boy:

Hey Meehan,

Steve Katz here again. Just read your response to my email on the column. Not much to argue about. I guess I always aimed more for the technical aspect of wrestling. Hogan, 'Taker and Savage never did it for me, even when I was a little kid. I always found them boring as hell. I
was too busy marking out like a champ for Bret Hart anyway. Foley and Funk always have a special place in my heart, as I'm from Philly and discovered ECW in early 1994 back when it was still Eastern Championship Wrestling. It had a lot to do with my outlook; I saw the episode with
the NWA World Title tournament the first time it aired, and I remember (even at age 10) being completely captivated by the speech Shane Douglas gave when he threw down the belt. It reinforced my opinions about old guys refusing to let go.

And I think Flair's the same way. He would be perfect in the same kind of role that Hogan/Foley/Austin are in right now, coming in for special engagements, getting some nice promo time before hand, putting the young guy over and fading back into the ether. I could stand Flair's wrestling style if it only showed up once or twice. It's the only way I could stand the other special attraction guys (your Hogans, your post knee operation Austins, your McMahons in a wreslting context) But every week? The nostalgia factor diminishes. It's just an old guy who chops. A lot.

Now, truth be told, I didn't watch Flair too much during his WCW prime. Something about being an ECW fan and having their anti-WCW propaganda (however rightly) shoved down your throat will lead to some bias. And I generally liked watching Flair. He's always been good on the mic, and he still is today. Whenever I saw him wrestle, I thought he did a good job. But I never found myself caught up in the Flair mystique, as it were. You take that out of the equation, and all you have left is (once again) an old guy who chops. A lot.

So I guess it boils down to different backgrounds. Hell, if Bret Hart started wrestling again and just chopped people, I'd probably mark out like crazy, because I've always been caught up in the Bret Hart mystique. But I don't have that with Flair. I guess I wouldn't be so annoyed if it didn't always seem like he's a stumbling block for the rest of the guys. The way he grabbed up the IC title and never defended it, even though you could have put together some nice Shelton/Masters/Carlito/Chavo programs with it. The way he shoved Carlito into booking hell (Nothing like losing clean to Kane two weeks before Wrestlemania and having Masters chew you out for it. Another stellar Monday night for Carlito!). The way he's poised to go over five other guys at MitB (though, if he doesn't win, it mitigates things. But not too much).

I see myself as more of a new breed kind of wrestling fan. ECW instilled that in me. I love seeing the new generation of guys like MNM, Lashley, Carlito, Shelton and the folks from TNA shake things up, just like I loved watching Eddie, Dean, Master of the Armbar Chris Jericho, Benoit
and the luchadores do it for the last "generation" (as it were) coming out of ECW. And I can't wait for even more new guys to shake the current new guys up. You don't change things, and it leads to stagnation. We all know this. And Flair's reached that point with me. Maybe not everybody
else, but I'm definitely not the only one on my end either.

Good stuff on the columns, by the way. You wuz robbed by Hidden
Highlights in the Great Positivity Debate. I voted for ya.

Good times,

- Steve

Thanks for the explanation, Steve. Again, I can't help but disagree with you on this one, but I definitely see where you are coming from on things nonetheless. As an ECW fan myself, I totally respect the "different strokes for different folks" appeal of the sport, so I can relate to your preference there.

That said, though – if you missed Flair in his WCW heyday then you *definitely* missed out on why so many fans are willing to cut the guy such a break in his older age. It's kind of like watching some heroic firefighter go through a life-threatening inferno to save a small child. Sure, the guy will never be the same after that one shining moment (and heck, he might even be just the shell of the hero that he once was after the fact) – but if you were around to witness that "amazing performance" in the man's glory-days, you're more than willing to give the guy a lifetime free pass after that star has faded.

My younger brother (the middle of the three of us) is much like you. He didn't buy into WCW until later into the nWo invasion, so he didn't really have the chance to see The Nature Boy shine in all of his glory while he was stylin' and profilin' through the NWA and Ted Turner-owned WCW ranks. Being two years younger than I – he also missed out on much of the greatness that was Flair's first WWF run, so he too wasn't particularly "wowed" by the man when all he saw was "some flabby old guy in a bathrobe taking off his pants and faking a heart attack on national tv with nothing more than a backhanded karate chop to show for it."

Plus you're a "Bret-guy," which means that technical wrestling is probably your bread-and-butter, and Flair simply wasn't one of those "purely technical wrestlers." Ever. My youngest brother is much the same in that he's a "Bret-guy" too, so he never really bought into Stone Cold or Flair in the same way because while both were phenomenal entertainers, neither could hold a candle to The Hitman's technical ability. Again – different strokes for different folks, is all.

Ok, that's it for this week – so…


And With That, I'm Outta' Here…

Have a great week, y'all. Feel free to e-mail Mee YourThinks on this column, and next week we'll look at the results of the Big Dance (and your feedback) to see just how well the "Grandaddy of Them All" lived up to a more reasonable set of expectations than many would have you set (and get disappointed over).

Till then – get pumped for WrestleMania, and always stay positive!

- Meehan