MeeThinks 4.11.06: From Hitman to Heartbeak
Posted by John Meehan on 04.11.2006
Is Bret just a baby or a diamond in the rough?
"How much, methinks, I could despise this man,
But that I am bound in charity against it!"
- Cardinal Wolsey, King Henry VIII
Act III, Scene II
Welcome back, everyone – and thanks once again for YourThinks on last week's column. Tons of feedback on WrestleMania and glossary submissions rolled across my inbox over the past seven days, so after we're done with the usual format, scroll on down to the bottom of this week's debate to check those out!
And what is this week's debate, you ask?
The Best There Is.
The Best There Was.
And The Best There Ever Will Be.
The Excellence of Execution…
The one and only… Bret "The Hitman" Hart
This could be a bit of a trick for Mee, as I'm a tried-and-true mark for the Heartbreak Kid. But since last week could well be the final time fans ever hear the words "Bret Hart" and "WWE television" uttered in the same sentence – it only seems fitting that we give "The Hitman" his due and see if we can't try and understand where he's coming from and why he's said and done what he has.
Sound like a plan?
Rock & roll.
MeeThinks: From Hitman to Heartbeak
Is Bret Just a Baby or a Diamond in the Rough?
A bit of a disclaimer before we get started:
As I mentioned above, I'm a diehard Shawn fan. Sure, the guy made a career out of screwing people over backstage and politicking to make sure that he and his cronies had guaranteed spots at the top of the card – but damn if that guy couldn't keep Mee entertained. The swagger, the "attitude" (before that was even a buzz-word in wrestling circles), the arrogance, and the showmanship – when it came to total packages in the 1990s – there were few if any who could pull it off as effortlessly as Shawn Michaels.
So why do I start a column on Bret Hart by waxing nostalgic on the Heartbreak Kid, you ask?
Simply put – you can't honestly (or fairly) talk about The Hitman without talking about The Showstopper. The two men's careers are and will forever be intertwined. Kind of like you were either a Pearl Jam fan or an Stone Temple Pilots aficionado – if you were a fan in the early nineties, you were pretty well forced to pick one performer over the other.
Sure, there was a substantial overlap and more than a few fans attempted to ride the line between full-out markdom for either side. Yes, the ****+ classics both men put on definitely won them each a healthy support from *all* members of the audience. But at the end of the day, when you went home to your WWF action figures – you either booked Shawn Michaels as the champion or you gave the title to Bret. If you played a WWF video game on your Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis, you either picked The Hitman or you went for The Showstopper (with a close second going to The Undertaker, of course).
It was as simple as that.
In a sense, one could even say that Heartbreak and Hitman were the "yin" to one another's "yang."
Heck – you might even say that they were "born" and "grew up" together.
After Hulk Hogan, Ultimate Warrior, Vince McMahon and everyone else on a WWF roster found themselves under the microscope of a federal government steroid investigation – the "main event muscleheads" of yesteryear gradually gave way to smaller, more technically sound performers such as Bret "The Hitman" Hart and, yup, Shawn Michaels. And as the smaller, more athletic performers made their mark on the shape of the business – both of these men would earn the company's top prize (and meet one another in more than a few one-on-one contests) prior to that infamous night in Montreal in November of 1997.
As the "Attitude Era" began, Shawn's attainment of a permanent location in main-event stardom (and his staying power once there) both coincided with and was guaranteed by Bret Hart's inexplicable fall from "babyface" grace and his subsequent and unceremonious departure from the World Wrestling Federation. For when fans simply "burned out" of traditional "good versus bad" storylines and embraced Stone Cold Steve Austin and his heelishness over the clean-cut fan favorite that was Bret Hart, the landscape of professional wrestling changed forever.
Suddenly, being a man of your word and a no-nonsense technical wizard wasn't enough to win the fans' support.
Suddenly being a "safe worker" fell out of favor and cells, caskets, gory blade jobs and a healthy dose of "T&A" was what started to bring home the bacon.
Suddenly, wrestlers had to start defying authority, flipping middle fingers, swelling beers and raising hell in order to keep audiences entertained.
And for those wrestlers who wanted to stay "over" but who knew full well that they couldn't go around cribbing old Stone Cold's gimmick night in and night out…
There was always "crotch-chopping" and telling your opponents to "suck it."
And once again, Hitman and Heartbreak found their paths inevitably linked.
Which pretty well leads us to the end of The Hitman's WWF career, and the beginning of…
Our Story So Far…
For those of y'all who might for one reason or another still be somewhat unfamiliar with the "Montreal Screw Job" of November 1997, allow Mee to give you the long and short of it in the excerpt that follows (which, again – cheap plug – was originally included in my University Honors Thesis).
[note: HUGE credit due to Paul Jay's remarkable documentary "Hitman Hart: Wrestling With Shadows" for the dollar amounts and Hitman quotes below, as well as to the thoroughly entertaining (if one-sided) "The Monday Night War" DVD and to R.D. Reynold's "The Death of WCW" for ratings figures and related background info]
As the ratings war between the then-WWF and the now-defunct WCW escalated throughout the mid-to-late 90's, employers struggled to keep performers under their employ while their competition regularly attempted to lure employees away with the opportunity to sign more lucrative contracts with the promise of a number of the aforementioned bonuses. During this era marked by a continuing game of one-upsmanship between the two major promotions, wrestling fans and historians had the chance to see how professional wrestling organizations really valued their employees after all…
In many cases, the WWF struggled to retain performers as they found themselves on the short end of a bidding war against the deep-pockets of the Ted-Turner-owned WCW. Such was the case when top WWF performers Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, and Lex Luger each jumped ship from McMahon's WWF to join Turner's WCW, with each man appearing on WCW's flagship Nitro program within a week's time of their departure.
Furious that WCW was merely importing top-level WWF performers to their main-event scene without having done anything to establish these performers for themselves, WWF even went as far as to file suit against Turner's WCW in 1996, claiming that WCW had engaged in "unfair business practices" by having these newly-hired performers appear under the WCW banner portraying what effectively amounted to the same characters that McMahon's WWF had created. Though the lawsuit was eventually dismissed, the fact remained that competition between these two companies was certainly fierce throughout this "Monday Night Wars" time-period, with both companies vying for even the slightest amount of leverage to unseat the other in the ratings battle.
This heightened competition lead to increasingly "questionable" business tactics, to say the least – including such instances as those when WCW announcers would regularly reveal match outcomes of simultaneously-broadcast-WWF bouts prior to the WWF's airing of said contests (as WWF's Raw was taped in advance whereas WCW's Nitro was broadcast live).
In retaliation, WWF proudly dedicated Raw airtime to any disgruntled WCW employees with a grievance to air against their former employer, on one occasion going as far as to allow Sean Waltman – a recently-defected WCW employee – the opportunity to break character on national television, boasting that a number of WCW employees "would be standing [on WWF television] beside [him]" were they not "being held hostage by World Championship Wrestling" and their binding long-term contracts. WCW's competition proved strong, however, and McMahon's WWF found itself on the losing end of an 83-week-long streak of ratings victories for WCW's Nitro.
As such, in increasingly desperate Vince McMahon found himself in what appeared to be the bleakest of situations. By hiring away former WWF talent and catapulting them into their main-event scene, WCW's Nitro had consistently out-rated the WWF's Raw on a weekly basis for the better part of two calendar years. What was worse, WCW had begun to make overtures towards longtime WWF employee (and then-current WWF World Champion) Bret "The Hitman" Hart. If the plan went through, WCW Executive Vice President Eric Bischoff said that this acquisition would be "the greatest coup" in wrestling history.
Still, Hart remain unconvinced by WCW's lucrative offer, and chose instead to renegotiate his contract with McMahon's WWF in January of 1997 so as to ensure that the company would pay him $3.65 million over the each of the next 20 years; a lucrative sum, to say the least. As the competition between the two organizations intensified, however, WWF continued to find themselves on the losing end of the ratings war, and in a desperate attempt to attract viewers, McMahon convinced Hart that his "Hitman" character – a perennial WWF "babyface" – should turn heel.
To accomplish this task, McMahon had the Canadian-born Hart lambaste the American fans for demonstrating a lack of morals in an era where traditional lines of "good" and "bad" were becoming increasingly blurred. In the process, McMahon repackages Hart's "Hitman" character from one of a lifelong hero to one whose primary task is to become the most-hated heel on the WWF roster.
The idea worked brilliantly, and fans begin buying tickets to WWF shows in hopes that they might see any WWF babyface or antihero give the now-villainous, "holier-than-thou" Hitman-character his comeuppance. Austin, Undertaker, The Patriot, Michaels… you name it, and the WWF fans wanted to see them beat up The Hitman.
This would have appeared to mark a seeming turnaround of fortunes for both McMahon's struggling-WWF and for Hart's stay at the top of the company's popularity heap. However, as filmmaker Paul Jay speculates, perhaps McMahon's motivations for "turning" his most marketable hero's character into the most-hated man on his roster were much more devious. For as Jay explains in his 1999 documentary Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows:
"At some point, Vince knows that he is going to ask Bret to leave [the WWF] and he decides that if he's going to leave, its better that he leave with less value."
Jay argues that the business-savvy McMahon soon realized that he had re-signed Hart to a contract he could not afford to pay, and rather than pay him for the duration of his contract, McMahon chose instead to re-package Hart's "Hitman" character into one that fans would hate in an attempt to decrease the character's value prior to jettisoning him off to the rival competition.
Jay's argument is strengthened by the fact that McMahon would ultimately call Hart into a private meeting several months after renegotiating his contract (and subsequently turning his character from hero to villain); telling Hart that "the [WWF] company is in financial peril," and that he could simply "not afford to pay [Hart] the remainder of his contract." In this meeting, McMahon also told Hart that he "would be doing him a favor if he went to work for Turner['s WCW]."
In deference to McMahon's request, Hart renegotiated with WCW to match his currently-inflated WWF offer (to the tune of $3.65 million a year) and he agreed that his last match with the WWF would be at the main event of the company's annual Survivor Series pay-per-view on November 7, 1997 – which (coincidentally) was scheduled to be held in Hart's home country of Canada (where The Hitman was still insanely popular as a babyface).
At this event – in yet another of the company's countless scripted fights – WWF owner Vince McMahon decided that his departing champion Bret Hart would lose his World Champion title to challenger and WWF-up-and-comer Shawn Michaels. The catch, of course, is that McMahon and Mcihaels had agreed on this pre-scripted match outcome without informing the then-champion (Hart) of how the match will result.
Whoops.
In short, despite the fact that the final 30 days of Hart's WWF contract guaranteed him "reasonable creative control" over the direction of his character and the outcome of his matches, McMahon and Michaels circumvented Hart's creative control in a closed-door meeting and agreed to change the outcome of the bout's pre-determined "finish" (which originally was to end in a no-contest) without ever obtaining Hart's approval.
So –
Rather than allow Hart's WWF career to end on the mutually-agreeable note that the two parties had previously discussed, McMahon instead informed referee Earl Hebner that Hart was to lose his WWF Championship when the referee called for the bell after the Michaels had placed Hart's character into the "Hitman's" own trademark hold (in a "spot" that all parties had discussed, but that Hart believed would not signal the end of the match). McMahon's plan worked to perfection, and his co-conspirator (Michaels) was crowned WWF champion when Hebner called for the bell while Hart's character is locked in a submission maneuver, giving both fans in attendance and worldwide audiences (via the pay-per-view-medium) every reason to believe that Hart had actually submitted to his own trademark hold in his very own home country.
A *face* tapping out cleanly + a clean loss in front of his "hometown" fans = two crippling blows to the character's credibility.
What's worse, these blows to the "Hitman" character's credibility were exacerbated by the fact that Hart (as per McMahon's instruction) had spent the better part of the previous year destroying his character's value as a longstanding hero by his constant derision of the American wrestling fans.
Left with nothing more than a character whose value was virtually worthless on the heels of what wrestling journalists have dubbed the "Montreal Screwjob," Hart said that McMahon and the WWF "murdered this ‘Hitman' character," citing the fact that they had completely destroyed his character's credibility and thus utterly negated his ability to draw an audience in their treatment of his character prior to releasing him to compete for Turner's WCW.
Like Jay, Hart remained convinced that WWF had found themselves in a financial situation out of which they could not maneuver, and rather than compete with WCW's lucrative offer, they simply chose to sell them the "Hitman" character as "damaged goods" in payback for the company's earlier success at transplanting WWF performers to their main-event scene in the years that had preceded 1997. As Hart detailed in Jay's documentary (again, you've *really* got to see this thing):
"Vince McMahon has always had this mentality of treating wrestlers as circus animals. All of these wrestlers that have broken their backs working this long for years end up with nothing when it's over. And then they take you out back and they put a slug in the back of your head and they dump you out… that's the life of a professional wrestler."
And with that, The Hitman was gone from the WWF and onto a brief (though rather forgettable) stint in the rival WCW before suffering a career-ending injury at the hands of a Bill Goldberg superkick several years later. Though most WWF fans hoped we'd see a Hitman return *one day*, all reasonable predictions to this effect were pretty much shot to pieces as Bret made a post-WWF career out of speaking out against his former employer.
Until mid-2005, when Hart suddenly (and surprisingly) agreed to work with the now-WWE to produce his career retrospective DVD.
(The real story, was that Hitman had seen the hack-job that the ‘E had done to the poor Ultimate Warrior in his "Self Destruction" DVD, and rather than seeing another WWE burial retrospective named "Screwed: The Bret Hart Story" – which was actually the working title of the disc prior to Hart's consent to work on the thing – The Hitman decided that it was a better idea to give his fans a more comprehensive view of his career than one that simply focused on how his time with the WWF happened to come to a close).
With the top-selling DVD in the history books by early 2006, it seemed only fitting that the Hitman's briefly rekindled relationship with WWE would culminate to it's logical conclusion with the highest honor the company could offer him…
Induction into the WWE Hall of Fame.
And while all of the preceding information is vital in understanding the controversy of The Hitman's career and life up until the point of the Hall of Fame Ceremony, this is actually where the debate kicks into high gear.
Hitman agreed to be inducted into the Hall, provided:
1) That he didn't have to sign a new WWE contract to do so.
2) That he wouldn't receive any payment for the event (outside of free travel and hotel
accommodations)
3) That he wouldn't be required to make an appearance on any other WWE television programs.
4) That he would be guaranteed that Shawn Michaels would be kept at a reasonable distance from him both backstage prior to the event and throughout the night of the Hall of Fame Ceremony.
These "four demandments" of Hitman-mania have once again sent many Hitman critics into a tizzy about Bret's "typical, whiny" attitude. Plenty of folks are all bent out of shape that the guy who claimed to "do it for the fans" refused to work WrestleMania (even for a run-in). Others are all in a huff because Hitman totally (and blatantly) blew off Hulk Hogan at the Hall of Fame Ceremony. And still others have their panties in a bundle that the guy went public after the ceremony and (once again) reiterated that the ‘E had "broken their end of the bargain" by still inviting Shawn to attend the HOF show *despite* Hitman's clear request that the two not be allowed to be in the same building.
But we'll get to those in a second…
Just a few more points to keep in mind before we get to MeeThinks on this one:
1) Shawn and Bret had always had "legit" heat ever since old HBK – in one of his "demon days"-inspired rants – went on national television and basically broke the news that Bret was having "plenty of Sunny days" by way of a longstanding affair with then-WWF Diva Tammi Sytch. Which wouldn't have been *that* big of a deal except for that small fact that Bret just so happened to be *married* to another woman at the same time.
Whoops.
2) Though Shawn has since found religion and subsequently come forth and assumed responsibility for his role in the Montreal Screwjob, he spent the better part of a decade flat-out denying any and all involvement in the event's orchestration both to Hart and to members of the Hitman's family.
You might see a reason for some bad blood.
3) After Bret left WWF, this is the long and short of the past 10 years of the guy's life:
a) his brother Owen, a WWF employee, died tragically while performing a stunt for WWF.
b) his father Stu, The Hitman's mentor and a former wrestler himself, passed away.
c) his mother Helen, matriarch of the Hart family, likewise passed some years later.
d) his brother in law, "Davey Boy" Smith, died after finding himself addicted to pain
medication that he began taking after a botched wrestling stunt in WCW.
e) his first wife and the mother of his four children (hence the four hearts located on the
thigh of Hitman's wrestling trunks) filed for divorce.
f) he suffered a career-ending-injury, and a stroke several years later as a result
So yeah, if the guy seems burnt-out, fed-up, or simply altogether quite done with the wrestling business as a whole – though we might disagree with the man, at least we know where he's coming from on all this stuff.
So…
MeeThinks?
Coming from a Shawn Michaels mark like Mee, you might think that I'd be all about ripping into The Hitman for his "prima donna" attitude or his "unreasonable demands" and his "crybaby antics" in no-showing WrestleMania 22.
Surprisingly, nothing could be further from the truth.
And believe it or not, The Hitman actually made a believer and won a new fan in Mee with his actions over the past seven days.
Like I've said before, my dad is a *HUGE* pro wrestling fan (just like his *grandmother* before him). And since pops still watches wrestling (and reads this column too – "Hi Dad"), he was quick to shoot Mee a line following this year's WrestleMania with his instant "Original MeeThinks:"
Hey Yo –
Best show of integrity of night...Bret feeling uncomfortable and not coming out.
- The Dadster
(and in a brief PS, Dad offered this little gem: " News brief... Chavo Guerrero now killing more relatives so he can get a free title!").
The Chavo comment aside (though he might actually have a solid point there given the "Chavo Resents Dead Eddie" angle the ‘E seems to be teasing with his character following last week's Smackdown) – MeeThinks that the big man totally hit the nail on the head when he summed up The Hitman's "no show" as the "best show of integrity of the night."
For once, wrestling fans actually had the opportunity to witness a man actually stuck to his convictions and opt to stand by his word rather than sell out to the almighty dollar.
Rather than "play politics," The Hitman simply gave Hulk Hogan what Hulk Hogan had given him for so many years; a cold shoulder and a look of indifference. Bret was never given so much as the time of day from Hulk Hogan when he won the WCW title in 1999 or when he main-evented with Yokozuna at WrestleMania IX only to allow Hogan to win it back, so why should he put on a happy face and give the guy lip service just because he's expected to shake hands and kiss babies like the rest of them at the Hall of Fame Ceremony? (For love Hogan though I do, you can't deny the fact that the guy totally plays politics and believes his own hype with the best of them – so I'm pretty sure Bret has a legit case for all the crap he claims the Hulkster pulled on him over the years).
He simply asked to be kept away from Shawn Michaels, and he dutifully fulfilled his obligation to the Ceremony even though the guy was in attendance. So call Hart a crybaby if you will, but you really can't blame the guy for being hurt by the fact that the man's entire life was changed by Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon on that night in Montreal, and while Vince has at least made the effort to stay in close contact with Hart in the years that followed (McMahon was the first guy to call Bret after the stroke, you know) – Michaels has *yet* to apologize to the guy.
He said he wouldn't ever wrestle again, and he stuck to his word. He didn't just talk crap about all those guys who "come back from retirement" (the same ones that Mick Foley used to rip on all the time – funny, no?) only to go and do the same thing himself. He actually meant it.
And he didn't let Vince's near-limitless cashflow dictate how "The Hitman" character would finish out his career. Rather than step into the ring for a McMahon/Hart or McMahon/Hart/Michaels or one last Hart/ Michaels showdown *years* after the guy simply knew he couldn't cut it anymore, he simply said "thanks, but no thanks" – went about his Hall of Fame induction, and quietly went out on his merry way.
Sure, Vince and The Fink might *think* that they got the last laugh by announcing that "Bret Hart felt uncomfortable participating in tonight's ceremony" at WrestleMania 22, but perhaps when the Chi-town fans booed the hell out of the announcement right afterwords, *maybe* their boos were less directed toward The Hitman and in fact *more* directed at Vinny Mac himself as a sort of "shame on you for making things so bad for the poor guy" kind of thing.
Ok, the Chicago fans (as gleefully "contrarian" as they were) probably weren't booing Vince – but you could easily see how one could make the case that such a reaction would hardly be out of place, given The Hitman's history with the company.
In an April 3 interview on "Off the Record with Michael Landsberg," Hart said that he refused to sign a new WWE contract to guarantee his appearance at the Hall ceremony because he "knew what contracts meant to that company." And, given his track record – one could easily see why.
True, Hitman could have easily agreed to a run-in appearance during the Vince/Shawn altercation if he was *really* "giving the fans what they wanted and a WrestleMania moment that they would never forget.
But then again – would he really be giving the fans what *they* wanted, or would he once again be giving his services (and name value) to Vince McMahon and Shawn Michaels?
After all, the entire Michaels/McMahon feud was *easily* and *obviously* a longstanding program from the mind (and wallet) of none other than the WWE CEO himself that was designed to paint the angle into such a corner that fans would be just "dying" to see The Hitman come out and level *BOTH* men by the time WrestleMania rolled around. And if Bret agreed and ran-in with steel chair in hand to "screw" Michaels and McMahon out of a clean finish, sure the fans would have had their "WrestleMania moment" – but Vinny Mac would also have scored himself a video clip to air for generations to come, and likely a huge rating for the next night's RAW, and a bigger buyrate for replays of the event (and future WrestleManias) that would be sure to follow.
Long story short – by agreeing to appear in any way, shape, or form at the WrestleMania event itself, there was simply no way that Bret Hart could in any way offer a fair "payback" to the blow that Vince and Shawn had dealt him just a decade earlier.
If he agreed to show up at the event and ran in with a chair to finish the match with a "schmozz," then sure, the fans would have had their "WrestleMania moment" – but Vince would have also gotten his way because the entire finish would *obviously* have been given his stamp of approval. And while it might seem "vindicating" to have The Hitman show up and absolutely "lay out" both of the men who (quite literally) destroyed his wrestling career as he knew it, the fact that any Hart run-in would obviously have had to have been scripted prior to the event pretty well cheapens the "legitimacy" of the original screwjob.
It's like when you were a kid and you were goofing around with your brothers. Maybe "play wrestling" or whatever – smacking eachother with modified full nelsons and cardboard box "television sets." On those rare occasions where one of y'all actually did land a LEGIT "ouchie" on the other one (which obviously sent your opponent into a "waaah, I'm telling MOM!" frenzy), the most obvious course of action (if you were anything like Mee, anyway) was to say "no, don't tell mom! Here – I'll let you punch me right back instead!" – which (of course) you totally sold like it hurt as much as getting your balls caught in a zipper to make the other guy feel like he'd gotten his "revenge."
But just like when we were kids – there's a fundamental difference between "real" and "fake."
Bret "screwing" Shawn or Vince at WrestleMania 22 with a run-in (even though it'd be based in "real life heat") would require Vince's "ok" before it took place, and thus it would be "fake."
Bret losing without his knowledge (or consent) in Montreal was as "real" as it gets.
And if Bret really was "doing it for the fans" – then you can't blame him for letting them know (by his decision NOT to get involved after he said he wouldn't) that sometimes, fans shouldn't be forced to stomach "fake" payoffs to "real" life events.
You wonder why so many folks crapped all over Rey Rey's title win?
(Here's a hint: It's not just because he's under six feet tall).
It's because *everybody* and their brother knew full well that the ‘E was just trying to capitalize on the "sympathy heat" that the guy had been getting after Eddie's death. It's not that he didn't deserve the title (as he's one hell of a wrestler) or even that we didn't buy him as a credible challenger (though my dad *did* point out that Rey probably doesn't make the weight requirements for the "heavyweight" category, and thus should technically be ineligible to challenge for the World HEAVYWEIGHT Championship – but that's beside the point) – it's just that fans had grown tired of the fact that the company had chosen to use our own "pro-Eddie" sentiment against us by basically repackaging the guy's entire gimmick into that of a glorified "tribute" wrestler.
But a "fake" title win, no matter how dramatic or glorious the story leading up to it might have been – will certainly not change the *real* fact that Eddie Guerrero is gone from this earth.
Likewise, a "fake" revenge for a real-life event that cost Bret the only career that he knew would hardly undo the damage that had long since taken its toll on the man's livelihood and personal life.
"But John," you say, "the guy's a millionaire and he had a good run. What's the big frickin' deal?"
The "big frickin' deal," my friends, is that Bret knew full well that no amount of on-camera retribution against Vince and company would *ever* be able to "settle the score" between the real-life betrayal they had dealt him off-screen.
In fact, the "big frickin' deal" is that the *only* was Bret could have really "screwed " Vince McMahon and Shawn Michaels in return for what they'd done to him was to actually *agree* to do a run-in at the finish of their match, only to back out at the very last second and force the ref (via his earpiece to the back) to tell the two guys in the ring that they'd have to improvise a finish and go to "plan b."
But even if Bret did choose to try a "real life" return screwjob to repay Vince and Shawn for Montreal…
a) We all know full well that Vinny Mac would have had a backup plan in place for such an event, and that he and Michaels would have easily resorted to the "Plan B" finish instead – thus rendering the attempted "return screwjob" useless.
b) Bret would have looked all the more culpable for "not doing the right thing," both by refusing to drop the belt in 1997 and again by not being a man of his word and delivering on the agreed run-in in 2006.
c) Bret would have totally sacrificed his moral high card in the matter, and thus looked like the lesser man for having sunk to "their level."
So yes, "return screwjob" or "kayfabe revenge for a real-life event," it's really not that hard to see why a WrestleMania run-in was simply out of the question.
"Well ok," come the critics, "but he easily could have appeared for the Hall of Fame honorees segment at WrestleMania 22!"
But really – why should he even bother? Why show up at the event and get fans' hopes up that "he's TOTALLY going to run in later on" when he had absolutely no intention of doing so? Sure, the conspiracy theorists came out during the show and said that Bret's no-show as part of the Hall segment was "a dead giveaway" that The Hitman would be showing up during the HBK/Vince match, but the simple fact of the matter is that Hart's decision to excuse himself from the event was his final way of telling the fans that he'd accomplished what he'd set out to do, that he appreciated all of their years of support, and that he simply wanted them to respect his decision to step away with his legacy intact the way it was.
Bret made it clear that he was coming back to do the Hall of Fame thing because he wanted a chance to thank the fans and to say goodbye on his own terms. Anybody who caught the Hall of Fame Ceremony (and Bret's induction speech) the night before WrestleMania 22 knows that the guy did just that. He didn't do it for the money, he didn't do it for the contract – heck, he didn't even do it to "stick it" to Shawn that he'd beaten him into the annals of history.
Bret simply wanted the chance to say his peace, thank the fans for their support, and ensure that he could finally close the book on his rightfully-decorated professional wrestling career. As he said in the induction speech:
"Thank you again for all of your years of support… for all of your prayers [following the stroke]. And don't worry about me… The Hitman will be alright.."
And just like that, The Hitman proved – even to a lifelong Shawn Michaels fan like Mee – that he really was "The Excellence of Execution" after all.
Agree? Disagree? "Methinks it sounds a parley to provocation!"
- Iago, Othello
Act II, scene iii
Shoot me YourThinks and I'll post your thoughts next week!
In the mean time…
The Unofficial Glossary of Professional Wrestling: Volume XIX
We're compiling a massive Wrestling Glossary of fan observations of the clichés, trends, and standbys of the wrestling world that might as well serve as the unofficial "rulebook" for this sport we all love so well. Each week, I'll post one an entry of my own as well as a few submitted by you, my faithful (and hopefully articulate) readers.
It's simple, really. You submit an entry, I add it to the Glossary, and you get the credit.
This week's entries…
The PPV Finisher "Five Second Rule"
Much like food dropped on the floor instantly "goes bad" and becomes inedible after some five seconds; it is a well-known fact that even the most devastating of finishing maneuvers has a very brief period of effectiveness before "going bad" and becoming ineffective. As such, if a wrestler successfully hits his finisher at a pay per view, he must attempt a cover within no more than five seconds. If the wrestler should instead choose to waste this time recovering, selling the impact of the maneuver (see: Van Dam, Rob), gloating, etc., then the opponent is sure to kick out. (For a noteworthy exception to this rule, see: Triple H, Pedigree, T, Booker at WrestleMania XIX). -RM
The George Oscar Bluth II "$10,000 Suit? COME ON!" Phenomenon
In the 1980s and in the years that preceded this decade, any time a heel wore fancy threads and either he or the announcers (usually the heel announcer) called attention to them, the odds were good that the face (or his stable) was eventually feuding with would attack him and tear off the clothes. (see: Slick at WMIII, or Flair with Magnum TA). This trend apparently seemed to fall out of favor in the "Attitude Era," for while announcers always mentioned that the suits worn by Mr. McMahon cost "thousands of dollars" (thus increasing the comic gold when they were inevitably soiled in some fashion or another), The Rock was regularly able to brag about wearing "$10,000 shirts" – but nary an opponent ever saw fit to destroy the man's said garments, as they had all moved onto "bigger and better things" and often found themselves too busy to mess up a man's wardrobe as they were simply preoccupied with destroying convertibles, executive offices, title belts, tour busses, and other larger objects. -fixxer315 (who also pointed out that there was once women's bloodshed in WWE when Ivory potatoed Lita at Survivor Series 2003).
The Union Carpenter's/Metallurgist "Right to Work" Law
The carpenters working for the WWE are responsible for several duties: Building sets, Stages, Announce Tables, Cages and several other props for all WWE shows and events. All of these workers are protected by a strong union contract. In said contract, it states that union members must have a project in the works or in pre-planning stages at all times - to ensure job security. If the WWE fails to honor this provision, they encounter heavy fines by the union. When the "Creative Team" fails to come up with a concept that would involve the Carpenters and/or Metallurgists - the WWE quickly resorts to "Plan B" - otherwise known as "Old Faithful."
Plan B - A.K.A. "Old Faithful" (Part two of the aforementioned law)
"Old Faithful" is the quick destruction of a WWE "Set" by a wrestler or other entity. It is often achieved during an interview segment where the interviewer and interviewee abruptly stop the interview process and resorts to blows. The fight often results in substantial damage or complete destruction of the set. The execution of "Plan B" is almost always done to satisfy the "Right to Wrok" clause in the Union Carpenters and Metallurgists contract - thus, successfully creating more work for all. (See Barber Shop, Piper's Pit, The Brother Love Show, Funeral Parlor, Snake Pit) ***The Union was successfully disbanded in 2001 by the WWE, and were quickly released. This explains the terrible quality of the set for Chris Jericho's "Raw is Jericho" segment. -Jordan Black
The "Badass" Fashion Trend (a corollary to "The Dark Side of Facial Hair")
Should a wrestler wish to appear more "badass," they need only follow certain fashion tips.
(1) Cut the sleeves off your shirt or jacket or coat. This immediately helps establish that you are now "badass." Your odds of winning brawls and street fights and hardcore matches increases. (see: Edge, Wrestlemania 22)
(2) Wear more leather. Leather jackets or leather pants are especially important in establishing that you are "badass." HOWEVER, it should be noted that one should be careful with what leather apparel they choose, as wearing some kind of leather hat makes you look like you're gay. (see: Conway, Rob)
(3) New tattoos automatically increase one's "badass" aura. Get the tattoos on your back or chest, the larger, the better. It's even ok if they just so happen to resemble penises, so long as they are prominently displayed on your chest area – as again, tattoos = automatic "badass." (see: Lesnar, Brock; Steiner, Scott; Mysterio, Rey)
(4) Black is the new black. Should leather be unavailable, wear lots of black clothing, preferably with metal studs in appropriate places. After all, metal is "badass."
(5) Grow your facial hair out if you are clean shaven. Goatees are especially "badass."
(6) Shave your head. It has been proven that bald wrestlers are more "badass" than anyone else. (see: Austin, "Stone Cold" Steve; Angle, Kurt)
-=Jay 2K Winger=- (who also submitted a kickass WrestleMania recap, which – sadly – was cut due to worth length constraints)
The De-Facto Denim Default
When competing in a "Back Lot Brawl," a "Parking Lot Showdown," a "(insert city) Street Fight," or any other "hardcore" contest – the simple addition of medical-taped hands and denim fabric to one's usual ring attire (preferably in pant form) automatically makes one far more likely to succeed in such a matchup. As such threads are such a well-known advantage in matches such as these, some might even go as far as to say that denim attire is *mandatory* for any and all backstage and parking lot matches. For certainly no performer in his right mind would ever dare to wear normal ring attire (e.g. – spandex or nylon shorts) for any match that might take place outside of a ring, and thus a handy roll of medical tape and a good old fashioned pair of jeans should *always* be kept in one's gym bag on the off-chance that he should find himself challenged to a "street fight" on any given night. -Meehan
Great work all around, all! Next week, we're doing an All-Glossary Exclusive Spectacular!. Thanks to all of those who've submitted so far, and keep those entries coming for the Spectacular and for future installments!
Now then, to the rest of the reader feedback…
YouThinks Reader Mail
Special thanks to reader Edwin King who pointed out a glaring typo that was quickly edited as per his notation. It is the official "MeeThink" that the Montreal Screwjob was indeed a "shoot," people – and not a "work" as this column had erroneously reported for the better part of three hours last Tuesday morning prior to Edwin's awesome catch of my malapropism. Thanks again for keeping Mee honest, dude!
(And to the rest of y'all – thanks for your e-mails! And feel free to shoot Mee YourThinks on this week's debate for publication a week from Tueday!)
This week…
First-time e-mailer (though no stranger to the IWC) Ben had this to say about last week's column:
hey man. I have just returned to the internet wrestling community after a full-year abscence following WM21. I wanted to get away from all the negativity and enjoy wrestling as a fan again. I hoped that now, since the product has vastly improved from the last year(at least on raw, smackdown would've been awesome if it weren't for several unfortunate events) the smarks might not be complaining as much or there would at least be more positive voices. Well your WM22 review is one of the first things i've read since returning to 411, and I found it fair, insightful and quite understanding of the direction wwe is going in now, what they are trying to portray, and how it's actually working. In other words, I agrreed with your views almost entirely. Though I think you should've listed C.M. Punk's appearance under the WM moments (i'm not straightedge myself, but i'm a total Punk mark nonetheless and he looked so cool as a gangster.) Anyway, excellent review, keep up the good work. Peace.
-Ben
Fellow reader Scarry Larry echoed his sentiments, adding:
Hey man, nice pre/post WM coverage. I really appreciate the way you try to put a positive slant on everything. You seem to be one of the few IWs that writes from the viewers perspective, or at least for the viewers. I mean, it is so easy to criticize a wrestling product when so many IWs are tearing it to shreds week after week. If more people would just watch the damn shows, versus picking them apart, they might have more fun than they expected.
Keep up the good work,
- Scarry Larry
Thanks for reading, gents! Your sentiments were basically the exact same reason why I started this column – kind of a "kick in the pants" to all those naysayers and perpetual "I hate wrestling because it's the cool thing to do" folks who *still* make their web-careers out of writing about the "sport" in the first place.
And yes, C.M. Punk's "Gangster" cameo should definitely go down as one of the "WrestleMania Moments" of this year's show – though, with any luck, I fully suspect the Punker to have *much* bigger and better "WrestleMania Moments" of his own as the years go by.
Speaking of WrestleMania… Veej had this to say:
Hey, Meehan. Really enjoy your column, I dont care what they say, you're the most positive column on the IWC. As for the WrestleMania fallout:
I really enjoyed the HBK/VKM match, much more than most people. I think seeing HBK in his old element and watching the McMahons get what was coming to them was really satisfying from a mark point of view. That 20 Foot Elbow Drop was SICK.
I thought Flair was winning the MITB for sure, but who would've thought of the E actually pushing RVD!? I love Robbbie V, and he deserves it. I didn't think he'd be so over, though.
Taker was really motivated in my eyes. He really tried his best and made this from a forgetable match every knew the ending to into a mildly enjoyable match with a couple of good Taker spots. Best Mark Henry match I've seen in a long time. Maybe ever.
Mickie James was just AWESOME at WrestleMania, and I really enjoyed her match. If only she had hit that Stratusfaction, It would've been perfect.
Booker v Boogeyman sucked. Moving on.
I didnt enjoy Benoit v JBL as much as some people, and found it really dragging on and boring.
The HHH and Cena entrances were ridiculous. Plus, the crowd totally shat on the match, which ruined the match for me. I would've never dreamed of Triple H losing, let alone tapping out.
The Rey moment was really good, and should've gone on last. The match really impressed me and, aside from a botched 619 that would've been SWANK if hit, I really liked it.
Bad matches aside (I'm looking at you, Playboy Pillow Fight), the good, outweighted they bad, and I really enjoyed the match.
Peace,
Veej
Thanks for the kind words, Veej. Either the "positive vibe" is catching on, or fans are simply starting to take note of the fact – WrestleMania 22 was one heck of a show. You pretty much nailed it on each of those points ("The Best Mark Henry Match Ever" might just be 100% true), and I think that even the harshest critic of the show would have to admit – the matches (save two) were thoroughly entertaining, the right people went over, and the booking was as logical as it was "fresh" and surprising. All told – maybe not "The Best" WrestleMania in history – but *easily* a "thumbs up" affair with some great "WrestleMania worthy" memories to be had just the same.
So yeah – to all of those folks who wrote the show off as "shaping up to be as bad as WrestleMania IX." – in the immortal words of Shawn Michaels…
Suck. It.
A few readers definitely agreed with Mee that WrestleMania lived up to the "Big Time" hype. Such was the case with Sirkman2000…
I agree that Wrestlemania lived up to the hype. I think that fans need to lighten up and enjoy a fun show. Sure there weren't any five star classics, but there were some amazing Wrestlemania moments. I have to be honest and say that HHH vs. Cena was one of my favorite matches of all time. I loved the hype, I loved the entrances, I loved the crowd, and I think that Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler told a great story. I got the sense that I was looking at a true heavyweight, "Match of the Century" classic. It was little details like telling their backgrounds, announcing with the wrestlers already in the ring, acknowledging fan responses, getting Cena on decaf and having a more believable demeanor, that made for an epic Wrestlemania match that I shall never forget.
- Sirkman2000
…and first-time contributor Cyrus Krapf-Altomare :
Thank you so much for giving WM22 a positive light. I loved it. 9/10 in my book. The critics say that the WWE doesn't know what their fans want. I say the critics don't know what the WWE thinks and are too busy praising each other over how Cena's getting booed to notice how over him and HHH are. Cena-HHH was a carefully planned, true main event match that has not
happened on TV yet. They have been very careful about keeping the two men apart, and there was very little actual physical interaction in the weeks (or months) leading to mania.
And the foregone conclusion about HHHs win was dependant on the 'net's belief that he is a huge fan of himself to the point where he feels like he needs to be champion all the time. This is of course not true, therefore we get a real shocker ending. John Cena looking like he was gonna cry while being rained with boos at the end is a real bigtime moment.
-Cyrus Krapf-Altomare
Thanks for YourThinks, gents! Cheesy or no, the entrances were awesome in that "classic WrestleMania" sort of way, and the match was definitely off the charts in terms of fan reaction. As far as the overall numeric rating for the show goes – rather than stick to a card-wide average of all of the arbitrary star-ratings one could assign, I simply do things like this.
11 matches overall (divided by) 9 of which *met* or *exceeded* expectations.
= 9/11, which comes out to just over 8 out of 10. And that's just purely based on the matches themselves. When you factor in the additional +'s and –‘s (e.g. – "+" for The Undertaker entrance, and the backstage bit with Goldust and the rest of the freaks, "-" for the weird Triple H mid-entrance music change, and the fact that the ‘E could have easily gone a bit more over the top for Boogeyman's entrance, etc.), I think your overall rating of 9 out of 10 isn't too far off the mark.
And yes, Cena crying like he'd just lost his best friend in the whole world was definitely a "WrestleMania moment." Sure, we've all seen champions cry to close out "The Grandaddy of them All" (Shawn, Benoit, heck – even Batista!) – but I do believe that this year was the first time in history where we got to see a champ crying tears of sadness to close out the show.
Switching gears here -
Curtis McLean took issue with MeeThinks that Shelton was the best high-flyer in the WWE today:
I refuse to believe Shelton is the best high flier in the WWE today, we have a man by the name of Paul London sitting on Velocity doing nothing. London is a man who can fly, he did the run up the leaning ladder dive to the outside long before Shelton. Maybe when I see Shelton doing runnign shooting stars into clotheslines, shooting stars off of ladders or even that London Cannonball he once did (think Asai moonsault, balled up and doing a 180).
London is much better then Shelton, way more athletic, its just too bad the WWE doesn't let him fly anymore.
- Curtis McLean
Fair point, Curtis. And if last week's Smackdown was any indication – perhaps the ‘E is picking up on the "pro-high-flyer" pulse of many of its fans in the wake of the ladder match at ‘Mania, so they're *finally* giving "smaller guys" like London and Kendrick the chance to take the ball and run with it for a bit. That's how Matt and Jeff got over, ya' know. Heck, even Ken Doane and his fellow Spirit Squadders are relying on aerial offense to help get themselves on the map – so maybe all hope is not yet lost for a high-flying future for WWE.
Luke Davey wants to see the "Big Gold Belt" officially recognized for its longstanding WCW lineage:
I tried using forums but none of them worked - seriously. Maybe I have a problem with cookies but that's still irritating. Anyway, this is a petition I have started up to get the World Heavyweight Title recognised for its WCW Title lineage. If you agree with the idea, I would be grateful if you would sign it and even more grateful if you would include the URL in a column or something.
Always happy to plug a noble cause, Luke. Best of luck on that one.
Speaking of noble causes - Sam has got next year's Hall of Fame class on his mind…
Meehan
I have a question about the WWE's possible Hall of Fame inductions for next year.
According to PWInsider, "WWE's new mobile text message service, a poll was sent out asking people as to who should be inducted into next year's WWE Hall of Fame in Detroit. The candidates listed include Randy Savage, The Ultimate Warrior, Owen Hart, and Bruno Sammartino."
Now personally, I can appreciate the contributions of all four of these men and would love to see them inducted but the history with the WWE of Savage, Warrior, and Sammartino has been more than a little rocky.
I thought that Bruno had been boycotting the hof for years now.
Warrior I am assuming is still angry about a certain DVD.
Savage hasn't on good terms for an extended time either.
In addition, Owen Hart's widow I believe had also been particularly vocal against the WWE.
I can't really see any of them agreeing to the induction. However I am unsure about the current relationship and hopefully burnt bridges have finally been rebuilt. Or even more likely it is an attempt to stir up interest in the hall of fame by name dropping. I'm not sure.
I often enjoy your column.
- Sam
Thanks for writing, Sam. I too noticed the recent crop of "prospective" inductees, and I'm guessing here that the ‘E is planning to try to build bridges with some other former employees (or their families) that might not have left on friendly terms. Though you're right in saying that it'd be a longshot to see any of those guys agree to it (read: $$$), WWE knows that this year's Hart induction (and the Guerrero tribute) were classy, "good for the business" moves that – if replicated – could go a long way in improving the overall stature of the Hall and the WWE-version of "the history" of the industry itself.
That said, I'm guessing of the four names they threw out there for fans to mull over, they're probably going to milk things for one "controversial" induction per year, e.g. – Owen in 2007, Savage in 2008, Bruno in 2009, and Warrior in 2010 (or something to that effect). You want to try and spread out the "A List" inductees, of course. Again, the tricky part will be getting any of these men to agree – but if there were anything that could do it, I think that Bret (whose gripe against the company is probably the *most* legit of all of them, except maybe Owen) proved that a place of honor in the Hall of Fame (even if it *is* just the WWE-version of it) would be enough to seal the deal for most.
Speaking of The Warrior... Steve Yanosey stumps Mee with this one:
John,
This doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your column this week, but I figured you'd be the guy to ask for this question:
On wwe.com, there's a link to a Sports Illustrated article where the author talks about how he got to spend WrestleMania weekend with the wrestlers in Chicago. He said that he was out to eat one day and everyone was telling stories. One story that was teased but not told was Jimmy Hart recalling how the "Ultimate Warrior saved his life" during a botched gas station robbery or something like that. Heard anything on this? I can't find anything on it. I think the Warrior could use a little good press these days.
-- Steve Y.
Great question, Steve. And you're absolutely right - Warrior *could* use a little good press these days. Sure, he's a half-cocked loony toon - but a lot of what the guy says (if given a bit more credit and chance for clarity) actually makes a disturbing amount of sense. Now I'm not saying "destrucity" and the Santa Claus bondage comic books does a great Western philosopher make - but when you actually listen to the guys quotes *in context*, when he says whacked out stuff like "queering don't make the world work" - what he's actually talking about (in context) is that non-heterosexual intercourse "doesn't make babies." Again, he's too caught up in his own verbiage to take the time to explain as much, but when it comes right down to it - Warrior (Warrior) gets a lot of flack that he simply doesn't deserve.
In other words - people shouldn't be so quick to slam the guy for stuff that he *didn't* necessarily say (or mean), as Warrior does a fine enough job of saying other stupid stuff to get himself into trouble the way it is.
To the point at issue in your question, though - I have absolutely no idea - though I'm hoping Ask 411's own Gavin Napier might have a better handle on this than Mee. If you're reading and you've got an answer to this one, just shoot a line Gavin's way and maybe we can get this riddle solved!
Until then...
And With That, I'm Outta' Here...
Thanks again for reading! As mentioned above - next eek we're doing an All-Glossary Exclusive Spectacular!.So keep those glossary entries coming, and always stay positive!
