The Fink's Payload 4.13.06: TNA
Posted by Clarke-Rossi on 04.13.2006
This week, the armchair bookers attempt to kill off TNA!
When we agreed to do this column, we accepted a certain framework that we had to work within. Occasionally, we get emails asking when we are going to armchair book TNA. This is not possible! We write this column partially for us, and partially for Mr. Fink! When he was put in charge of scouring the next, and stole the idea of the APA from Wrestling Uncensored (Sickboy, where are you? The IWC NEEDS YOU! Gonch??? Are you alive still? Scotsman?.... meh, who cares about Scotsman), the WWE proved that they will steal our ideas! So doing a TNA topic was kind of impossible.
But…
We decided to do a TNA topic this week for one simple reason: to put them out of business. That's what Vince wants, so that's how we've geared this column. Please understand, we personally don't believe in killing off TNA, we're just giving the Fink what he wants.
So, as a result we asked YOU, the wrestling fan – who should WWE steal from TNA?
Onto the payload for Howard!
Mr. Reyes writes: X-TIAN!! CHRISTIAN would so kill the competition if he was brought back, I don't know how extensive his contract is, but I would get him back and push him as a serious threat to either title. Vince can welcome him back, congratulating him on his world champ status proving to Vince that he belongs in the title race. Christian would the be in Vince's pocket and denounce TNA as a stepping stone to the real world title, now that he's back from the minors.
Mark: I wonder if there was a dollar amount that could make this happen. Like if Vince wrote a million dollar cheque to Christian if he'd actually take it. Honestly though, I think long term that this would do more harm then good to Vince. I think the worst thing Vince could ever do on WWE TV is acknowledge that TNA exists. I absolutely believe that the majority of WWE's casual audience has no idea TNA is on TV, and if they knew their was an alternative they would probably be checking it out.
Chris: Wow – that would be a pretty killer shot to TNA. But would Christian do it? He left because he was upset with how the WWE worked – how would he know that it wouldn't happen again? Matt Hardy, please step forward and explain how your main event push worked!
Mr. Crossan writes:
As we know people like Daniels, Joe, Monty, Christian, AJ (etc..) will not be appearing in the E anytime soon. I say the wwe should bring in Petey Williams. Even though the Cruiserweight Division gets no attention he would be a great fit if they actually wanted to do something with it. Here's how I would push him. As you know Gregory Helms has stated there isn't a cruiser who can beat him. When he comes back have him fight a few matches and keep running his mouth. As he keeps talking trash have Petey come out of no where and nail the CANADIAN DESTROYER!!! As he walks off have the announcers not really know who he is and the following week have him interviewed by Teddie Long. As he saying he is sick and tired of hearing Helms complaining he came to the WWE to shot him up. Then from out of nowhere have Helms run in and hit Petey with a shining wizard. Then have him bring back that sick invertabreaker and have Williams sell it like murder. Then you could have helms do the typical heel thing of avoiding Petey week after week saying he has to earn his spot as the #1 contender for Helms's title. I feel this could really spice up the cruiser division.
Chris: Wow! Another good call from our readers. Take THAT Vince Russo! I think this would be a great few spots, and would really garner some fan interest. But will Vince go for those big moves again? They brought out the Piledriver in Foley v. Edge, but you have to wonder how much permission they had to do that. Still, even though Petey is a pretty small guy, he's got the charisma and moveset to get himself over. Heck, he could even keep doing the same gimmick – oh baby – maybe call himself Captain Canada, stick it to Christian!
Mark: I have to agree with Chris on this one, the whole idea of Petey coming in and getting over to any degree 100% hinges on his ability to use the Canadian Destroyer. I seriously doubt they would let him use that move for the simple reason that it looks dangerous, and it just might get over. Sorry Petey, no dice.
Mr. Cook writes:
I believe that Chris Sabin would be a suitable aquisition for the WWE RAW Roster. He's got a great look/pysique, he can wrestle tag, main event and cruiserweight styles, he has that Japanese and "Down South" background and is young enough (and has enough unique moves) to get him over with the fans. Bring him in as RVD's friend from home (as he is, virtually, from the same place). That would explain a) similar backgrounds in unique styles, b) give him a viable tag-team partner, and c) set up some money feuds ASAP! RVD hates Shelton Benjamin and knows he will interfere with his MITB shot? No problem, Sabin will handle it. HHH and Edge are the Main Event faces that want to tear RVD from his perch? Sabin is his right hand man. Have him be the solid mid-carder/IC champ type of guy to RVD as HHH was to Shawn Michaels back in the DX days. And, of course, you can always turn him on RVD for a WM match in the future, but for XXIV, since XXIII will be RVD/Shawn Michaels.
.
Mark: I think Sabin is way better off in TNA, and has limited if any use in a WWE ring. He'd just be one more jobber in the cruiserweight division, and he'd be a bit of a loss to the X-Division, but with guys like Jay Lethal to pick up the slack, he wouldn't really be missed.
Chris: I honestly think one big thing is working against Chris Sabin – his size. He is far too small for this kind of spot. Even though guys like RVD, Shelton, etc. don't look huge, you wouldn't want to put them next to Sonjay, Sabin or Petey. They will make them look short as hell. Sorry, going to have to vote this one down.
And finally, our ideas:
Mark: WWE needs the man, the myth, the legend…drum roll please…SHARK BOY. Why you ask? Because he's just about the only guy on the TNA roster, who, if brought in to Vinnie-land wouldn't be misused. They'd get out of him exactly what they should, a 100% bizarrely popular cult figure. Plus he does that stupid shark hand thing, which just rules. All hail Shark Boy!
Chris: My vote is for my favourite TNA wrestler – Christopher Daniels. Despite his size (which isn't such a bad thing – he's got the same build as Edge and Randy Orton now that they've deflated), he's great on the mic, his moveset is transferable to the WWE style (unlike AJ) and he has a look that really connects with the audience. I believe the God's gift gimmick could really make a run in the WWE, and he's young enough that he could be around for a few years. Christopher Daniels just needed a stage for Vince to see what he could really do – I think he's more than proved his worth.
Ref-Bump-O-Meter:
This is a new feature this year to the Fink's Payload, here are the rules: A Ref Bump is defined by anytime a Ref has to sell a physical action in the context of a match. We only count Ref Bumps which occur on televised shows (so no house shows) which include: Raw, Smackdown!, Velocity, Heat, and any Pay-Per-View. Every week we will update the meter with new entrants, if at anytime you think we missed one, please feel free to suggest some to us.
So, the Ref-Bump-O-Meter for 2006 stands at: 24 + 1 = 25
The Ref Bumps this week were:
One bump (we missed it! Thanks readers!) from the SD Title match at Mania
Your homework:
Ugh. Dalip Singh – has Vince not learned yet that Undertaker vs. Giant guys SUCK? What program would you rather see Undertaker in over the spring and summer?
