MeeThinks 4.25.06: Playing God with Vince McMahon (Page 1 of 2)

Posted by John Meehan on 04.25.2006

Did the Boss cross the line?

"But methinks he should stand in fear of fire!"
- Dick, King Henry VI, Part II
Act IV, scene ii

Hey all.

Welcome back to your regularly scheduled program, your weekly dose of positivity, your even-handed handle on the IWC at large, your "Internet Wrestling Conscience," and THE most optimistic column in the Internet Wrestling Community today – MeeThinks: Eliminating ‘Netgativity one post at a time.

Now usually I don't do this, but a bit of a "personal side note" before we jump into this week's debate:

As you might have noticed by way of last week's column, MeeThinks had to take a break from the usual form in order to serve up an uber-batch of the insanely popular Unofficial Glossary of Professional Wrestling. Anyhow – the reason for the all-glossary exclusive was threefold:

Uno) It was written during Holy Week, which meant that my Catholic employer kindly let Mee off from Holy Thursday through the Monday after Easter. This meant that my usual column-writing time (Wednesday through Sunday) was pretty well spent with the fam up in Jersey, hence a reader-feedback driven column seemed both timely and apropos.

Dos) Last week's column marked the twentieth edition of the Glossary, so I felt it warranted a little extra special something to commemorate the XX mark "Where It All Begins Again," or so I've been told…

and

Tres) In case you hadn't noticed, glossary entries as of late had been trickling down to "less YOU" and "more Mee," which meant that the whole "reader feedback" side of things really needed a good shot in the arm if the Glossary was to sustain for columns to come. Thankfully, the plan worked and with the success of the all-glossary exclusive, I received close to one hundred additional entries over the past seven days, which means that there'll be plenty of quirks, observations, and unofficial rules to follow for many, many columns to come. We'll do another all-glossary exclusive when we reach 50 installments, deal?

Deal.

One more thing before we get rolling –

As my esteemed colleague Steve Cook pointed out in his last column, yours truly has been stretching himself *pretty* thin over the past few weeks trying to manage "wrestling world" with "real world" obligations (read: family, the full-time job, etc.).

SO –

Rather than wuss out on y'all, say "thanks, it's been fun" and just ride off into the sunset like a chump – I'm simply going to make the concerted effort to cut down on the amount of text that goes into these columns from now on. I'll still be offering plenty of MeeThinks, Glossary entries and reader feedback (and replies) for many, MANY columns to come – but the long and short of it is that I've simply got to scale back these 20+ page (single spaced) monsters if I'm going to continue balancing "real world" work at my nine-to-five with two graduate school classes (each demanding a 20+ paper), 411 duties, maintenance of my personal Web site (wanna check it out? Visit right here and lemme' know what you think!), and part-time freelance work to help make ends meet (I've got a HUGE prospective one lined up that could quite literally change my entire life… but more on that in a future column if it pans out).

So what does this mean for you?

Basically, the only difference you'll see is *shorter* intros into the "Our Story So Far…" portion, which will now simply provide just a quick abstract of the key points one would need to understand before we go ahead and give things the "positive" treatment in the "MeeThinks?" section that follows. In the long run, even though we're skimping on the back story portion (except where further description is warranted), this should ultimately make things a bit more accessible for everybody involved.

Besides – we all check the message boards and the wrasslin' websites just about every day, no? So I think it's fair to say that we're all pretty up to date on "The Story So Far" anyway.

Sounds fair?

Rock & roll.



Ok – this week's debate?


MeeThinks: Playing God with Vince McMahon
Did the Boss cross the line?

Plenty of 411's finest have already chimed in on this matter (including a number of well-written and heartfelt commentaries by The Boss himself), but the long and short of it goes something like this…


Our Story So Far…

WWE Chairman Vince McMahon booked a match against Shawn Michaels for the upcoming Backlash pay per view. Both men were allowed to have tag team partners for the match.

For Vince? It was his son, "the product of his semen," "The Boy Wonder" and WWE Vice President of New Media – Shane McMahon.

For Shawn? Vince chose HBK's "best friend" in the whole known universe…

The Lord Almighty Himself…

God.

Abba, "Our Father," Yahweh, Jahova, Allah, The Original King of Kings, "I Am Who Am," The "Big Man Upstairs," The Creator of the Universe," etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…

Bad enough – but then Vinny Mac went on to call the "Big Man" out on national television – going as far as to challenge the Man to a throw-down (in a church, no less!) and then proceeding to put together a Photoshopped slideshow of himself standing beside a number of religious icons just for the sake of garnering some heel heat.

Then, on April 17 – ESPN analyst-turned MSNBC pundit Keith Olbermann had this to say:

Time for COUNTDOWN‘s list of today‘s three nominees for "Worst Person in the World."

The bronze tonight, Vince McMahon of World Wrestling Entertainment—the man who actually, somehow, worsened the reputation of pro wrestling has done it again, claiming that, a week from Sunday, his organization will televise a tag team match featuring McMahon and his son Shane vs. wrestler Shawn Michaels and God—yes, almighty.

How to save time by blaspheming all the religions at once.

Rumor has it that plenty of folks backstage are sore about the angle, but that most are afraid to speak up since McMahon won't likely take their criticism well. The ‘Net is in a tizzy, and mainstream media is having a field day ragging on WWE for their (un?)characteristic "new low…"

So –

Did Vinny Mac cross the line?


MeeThinks?

First and foremost – we've got to remember that Vince is doing all of this nasty stuff while remaining "in character" of the megalomaniac, delusional (and obviously ego-tripping) "Mr. McMahon" character. Though his portrayal of "the villain" (or classic Satan figure) is hardly along the same lines as, say, Gabriel Byrne portraying a similar character (see: End of Days) in a horror flick – the fact remains that "Mr. McMahon" (wrestling character) should not be confused for Vince McMahon (human being).

But before we get into what makes the "Mr. McMahon" wrestling character (or any wrestling character, for that matter) so damned successful, we must first understand the human beings that portrays him. After all, just about every wrestler in the business will tell you that the characters fans see on weekly television programs are simply "larger than life exaggerations of performer's real-life personas."

"Triple H" is a backstabbing political mastermind; an onscreen exaggeration of Paul Levesque, the guy who married the boss's daughter.

"Cactus Jack" is a violence-loving nut who just so happens to be virtually impervious to suffering; wrestling's answer to Mick Foley, a burly guy from Long Island who discovered early in life that he had an incredibly high threshold for pain.

"Stone Cold Steve Austin" is a beer-swelling, bird-flipping, ass-kicking redneck; the television overstatement of Steve Williams, the alcoholic Texan who (whoops) has a penchant for slapping women around.

"The Rock" is an arrogant, self-absorbed and condescending asshole (who ALWAYS speaks of himself in the third person); the professional wrestling amplification of Dwayne Johnson, third-generation wrestler-turned phenomenally successful Hollywood action hero.

"Vince McMcMahon," human being, is a wildly successful businessman and CEO of a multi-billion dollar Fortune 500 corporation. He has driven (literally) every major competitor into bankruptcy, virtually monopolized the North American professional wrestling industry (see: Meehan's college thesis), and made a career out of defying the odds, making ruthless business decisions for the sake of his company (see: Hart, Bret), taking on all comers (including the federal government) and succeeding beyond anyone's wildest dreams in the process.

So…

"Mr. McMahon," wrestling character, is a maniacal ego tripper, a self-proclaimed "Genetic Jackhammer" with "balls the size of grapefruits" who gets his jollies from abusing his power, berating his audience, double-crossing his employees, degrading his performers, exploiting and sexually harassing his "divas," and (literally) making his opponents kiss his ass on national television.

So again – what we're looking at is pretty much the onscreen exaggeration of the man behind the gimmick.

And –

Given the onscreen persona and track record of the "Mr. McMahon" character (again – one fueled by the almost inexplicable success of the man who portrays him), it's actually not too far of a stretch to believe that the CHARACTER of "Mr. McMahon" would have the audacity to think that he could challenge God Himself to a wrestling match and still stand a chance of winning.

So crap on the angle all you want, but please don't be naïve enough to tell Mee that you "never thought he'd sink this low."

From a character development perspective, the handwriting was being written all over the wall for the better part of the last ten years.

Now then, from a personal perspective (i.e. – "Vince McMahon the *PERSON* totally crossed the line with this one…")

For the record, Vinny Mac could've done *much* worse with this thing.

Sure, the over-the-top religious Photoshop pics from the CEO of a publicly held company were in "questionable" taste at best, but did ya' notice how even in trying to be "offensive," the WWE Chairman *still* refrained from televising a shot of a cartoonified Mohammad the prophet?

In their recent lampoon of Family Guy, Comedy Central's South Park chose to take a similar route. The difference, of course – is that South Park is taped wheras RAW is broadcast LIVE, and that Parker and Stone's hands were tied by their network who canned the cartoony Muslim-send-up whereas McMahon and company could have *easily* gotten away with broadcasting a similarly Photoshopped Mohammad photo given their show's *live* format.

But they didn't.

Unlike Parker and Stone, Vinny Mac had absolutely no intention of going through with an all out "parody" of the Muslim religion. If Comedy Central hadn't balked, you can *bet* that South Park would have been more than happy to run their regularly scheduled fish-helmeted Mohammad.

Vince, meanwhile, paid careful attention to steer clear of the Islam tie-in entirely.

So as much as I love Olbermann (and have since his early days with ESPN), the fact remains – he's missing the point in singling out Vince McMahon on this one, because if you're looking at who in modern television was actually seeking out to offend people of faith, how can you paint McMahon (who refrained from slamming Islam in a live platform) with a darker shade than Parker and Stone, who *obviously* were planning on skewering Islam until the Comedy Central higher ups put the kibosh on that one?

Which brings Mee to the most disturbing point of the issue…

Watching last week's RAW with my girlfriend, she pointed out that the Photoshop of Vinny Mac with The Buddha actually garnered a fair share of laughs (read: "face pops") from the audience. She also pointed out that a healthy chunk of the "traditional" wrestling audience is pretty well entrenched in America's "Bible Belt," a region known more for its religious fervor than its religious tolerance, to say the least.

And on second watch, you'll note that she was right – and while a few of the Pope jokes and Jesus digs fell flat, the Buddha one was actually pretty well received. Now true, the Pope joke could well have bombed simply because McMahon's schtick ran long, but it's worth noting here that the laughter-inducing Buddha joke actually came after two of the Christian-themed parodies that had already earned their share of "boring" chants.

It would appear, then, that the St. Louis crowd (and many viewers at home) were quick to tire of the sketch when it "bored" them by lambasting their religious heritage, but yet that just as many of them clearly had little to no problem in laughing it up when the target of McMahon's send-up just so happened to be a religious icon that was (more or less) foreign to their respective religious tradition.

The point?

Given the fact that so many wrestling fans are (for better or worse) often perceived as "trailer trash" and "proud rednecks," maybe Vinny Mac simply refrained from the no-brainer Mohammed joke because (gasp!) he actually might have thought that your average NASCAR-lovin, barbeque-eatin, red-white-and-blue-collared "wrasslin'" audience might well have gotten a pretty good chuckle out of seeing "them Ay-rabs" put in their place. And since he's supposed to be "the bad guy" and all, we wouldn't want to see him eliciting *face* reactions, now would we?

Yet — presuming the above theory holds some truth — this same crowd who was quick to laugh at Vince and Buddha and would likely have been eager to get a solid chuckle out of a Mohammad joke was just as quick to cry foul that Vince was "blaspheming" their beloved Christianity.

But in the words of South Park –

"It's either all or nothing. Either nothing is off-limits or everything is, you can't have it both ways."

And just like it was hypocritical for Comedy Central to refused to make fun of Mohammad while still feeling it was totally appropriate (dare we even say, "funny?") to show a cartoon Jesus crapping all over George W. Bush and the American Flag, it's just as hypocritical for wrestling fans to take Vince McMahon to task for "bashing" Christianity (though doing so while "in character," of course) in spite of the fact that they were happy to laugh it up when the tables were turned.

In other words –

If you're able to laugh, chuckle or be entertained by a sketch, program or joke that intentionally pokes fun at another race, creed or faith – then don't come bitching to Mee when somebody makes a joke on *you.*

(see: Hayes, Isaac).

The "blasphemy" was harmless and it was obviously done for over-the-top comic value. The parlor trick fireworks, the Triple-H-holy-water-spit, the Photoshopped John Paul II…

Bafoonery? Yes.

Blasphemy? No.

Now then –

If your gripe with the Vinny Mac/ God angle is simply one of the following:

a) that it dominates too much TV time…
b) that it plays off of an angle that, by all rights, should have reached a conclusion at WrestleMania…
c) that it simply fails at being funny, or…
d) that it's an insult to our intelligence to believe that God is actually planning on making a cameo appearance for a wrestling match.

*then* we'll talk. To those points, in order:

a) Shawn/Vince is one of the ‘E's few remaining "top level" feuds until the inevitable draft / roster realignment. While RVD busies himself with Shelton, RAW's two remaining tag teams come to their inevitable ends (Show/Kane, Masters/Carlito), Trish and Mickie settle the score, and Triple H and Cena mix things up in the title picture (and Edge does a great job to freshen up the rivalry while simultaneously absorbing some of that anti-Cena hate) – plugging Michaels into just about any other slot on the card seems both pointless and difficult at a time like this.

As such, Michaels — being the "top level" guy that he is — automatically earns himself more TV time simply by virtue of his well-established "spot." And, if rumors are true and old HBK is looking to reduce his number of appearances in the future, then fans should be happy to see The Showstoppa' and his angles getting whatever screen time they can… because we'll definitely miss him when he's gone.

Now true, the Michaels/McMahon feud has been decidedly McMahon-centric as of late, and being an HBK mark I would just *LOVE* to see old Heartbreak get a little bit more mic time and backstage vignettes to really hammer home his tease-to-the-Darkside… (the Crotch Chop o' Christ is just awesome), but regardless of who teams with Shawn for the inevitable Shane/Vince vs. HBK and "God" showdown — you can fully expect Michaels to deliver when the PPV rolls around.

Speaking of pay-per-views, though… since so many folks are up in a tizzy because "this should have ended at WrestleMania"…

b) Totally disagree. Sure, WrestleMania was *traditionally* the "blow-off" point and capstone to a year's worth of storylines and feuds, but with the company-wide Draft Lottery in recent years, fans have really come to expect that no business is ever fully settled until the final Draftee is named and the next year's rosters are set.

As such –

With the rosters still in a "holding pattern" until the next Draft go-round, it makes perfect sense to use this month and part of next to tie up all of the loose ends to those WrestleMania feuds.

Looking at this from a "kayfabe" point of view…

Mickie James beat Trish Stratus by getting inside of her head. Now Trish is trying to do the same.

Carlito blames Chris Masters for his WrestleMania loss… now he's gonna' take out his frustration on the guy who cost him a loss on the biggest stage of them all.

Kane and the Big Show proved unstoppable at ‘Mania when they were on the same page. Now the Big Red Machine finds himself tormented by a forcer that threatens to destroy the team (and their friendship) from within.

John Cena beat Triple H cleanly at WrestleMania, and Trips wants a second chance to prove his mettle. Edge called his bluff and told the guy to take a number, and now Cena's staring at two challengers instead of one.

Megalomaniac and WWE CEO Vince McMahon was beaten like a total chump at the biggest PPV of his company's calendar year. Now he's added a tag partner and he's out for revenge. And since he's so hell-bent on retribution and (read: his on-air character) is so delusional, he's even had the audacity to challenge his foe to bring a partner in The Lord Almighty Himself.

Sounds like a pretty darn credible PPV to Mee.

But credibility aside, the question of the "God Angle" and it's relative humor quota still remain. To that I'll say…

c) If you're not enjoying this feud, then you're simply looking for reasons to be down on the product. Sure, each of the McMahon rags on Jeebus segments have each run long and yielded little payoff (the church bit was like three minutes too long, and the Titan Tron Photoshop ran like three photos over "funny" length) – but for what they were, they were lighthearted, self-effacing, and wonderfully cartoonish in their over-the-top "McMahon thinks he's bigger than God" approach.

McMahon is totally setting himself up to be the fool in this entire charade, so before you get your proverbial panties in a bundle over the guy's lack of reverence – kindly let the *entire* story unfold and watch as "the big man" gets HIS just desserts from "THE BIG MAN" (or his parlor-tricked-out surrogate) and all once again becomes right with the world.

Finally, to the last point…

d) yes, it's an insult to fans' intelligence if we're actually expected to believe that God Himself will be donning a pair of wrasslin' trunks and laying the smackdown on the McMahon family.

But nobody's honestly expecting somebody to come out dressed up as "God," now are they??

(note: if WWE *does*, for some reason, go this route – though I'm gonna' go out on a limb here and call that prospect TOTALLY unlikely – then, by all means, feel free to send Mee your hate mail and rub it in that I was wrong.)

So instead, our "intelligence" is being "insulted" by watching as Vinny Mac falls victims to a string of "inexplicable phenomena;" your typical WWE smoke and mirrors show that would make The Boogeyman blush.

But is this really any more "insulting" than watching Kane "hearing inner voices" that are clearly audible to the general audience?

Is it more "insulting" then watching The Undertaker "come back from the dead" after countless burials, flaming caskets, kamikaze low-riders, and the rest?

And is it any more "insulting" than simply having a sixty-year-old CEO take on a guy pushing 40 in not one but TWO of a company's major PPV events?

In short –

Vince vs. Shawn was never going to be a technical masterpiece, and the angle absolutely needed a well-fueled "storyline" if fans were going to care about the thing. Now that all of the lingering questions about a Bret Hart run-in have been answered once and for all – doesn't it make perfect sense that the ‘E would (logically) transition the grounds for the feud *away* from a "Hitman-centric" one and instead *toward* one of a "personal" vendetta between Vince and Shawn?

And if so…

Ask yourself – what's more *personal* to Shawn Michaels (the character) and Michael Higgenbottom (the performer, who's biography is a trip, btw. I just started reading it this Easter…) than his faith?

Answer?

Not much.

So, to summarize –

If Vince (the character) and Shawn (the character) found themselves in a feud because of what Vince (the performer) and Shawn (the performer) did to Bret Hart (the performer)…

But…

If Bret Hart (the performer) simply refused to take part in their reindeer games (as "The Hitman" character)…

Then you're left with…

Vince (the performer) is looking for a reason for the BAD GUY Mr. McMahon (the character) to "get heat" to sustain what's left of a "money feud" while the rest of the card is otherwise occupied…

He knows that…

Vince (the character) has a well-founded track record of delusions of grandeur and megalomania…

And that…

Michael(s) (the performer) has made it clear that his faith is the defining aspect of his life…

Coupled with the fact that…

Shawn (the character) has effectively made faith the defining character trait of the on-screen "never surrender, good always triumphs over evil" persona he portrays (with the religious-themed apparel, the pre-match prayers, the biblical-language derived interviews, etc.)…

Then…

What's the big deal with those two throwing a few shots "below the (Bible?) belt" in the process of giving their feud one last go-round?

In other words –

It's not crossing the line, it's not blaspheming, and it's not a personal attack on organized Christianity. Sure, it might not be altogether that "funny" – but it's hardly unprecedented or outside of the scope of what we've come to expect from the professional wrestling business today.

In short?

It's a professional wrestling angle, plain and simple… and it's *definitely* not something worth getting yourself upset over.

Save that for when Vince actually retires and hands full control of the company over to you-know-who, eh?


Agree? Disagree?

"Methinks it sounds a parley to provocation!"
- Iago, Othello
Act II, scene iii

Shoot Mee YourThinks and I'll post your thoughts next week!

In the meantime…

Here's another helping of glossary entries before we get into that HUGE new crop of YourThinks Reader Mail!


The Unofficial Glossary of Professional Wrestling: Volume XXI

We're compiling a massive Wrestling Glossary of fan observations of the clichés, trends, and standbys of the wrestling world that might as well serve as the unofficial "rulebook" for this sport we all love so well. Each week, I'll post one an entry of my own as well as a few submitted by you, my faithful (and hopefully articulate) readers.

It's simple, really. You submit an entry, I add it to the Glossary, and you get the credit.

This week's entries…

The Jimmy Snuka Law of Evolution
Ever since Polynesian wrestler Jimmy Snuka was blindsided by a coconut to the head on an episode of Piper's Pit some two decades ago, it is a well-known fact that all Polynesian, Pacific Island, Samoan, and — to a lesser extent — African American wrestlers have begun to evolve thicker, more impenetrable skulls to defend against these sorts of attacks. Though they are often too poor to afford proper footwear, this evolved immunity has allowed wrestlers of island descent to become virtually invulnerable to foreign object assaults to the cranial region (see also: Brazil, BoBo; Zeus; Umaga; Haku; Atlas,Tony; Jones, Rufus; Thomas, Art).
- Meehan (a compilation of similar entries from Ronevsorg, Bryan Jones, and Bill I.)

The Compulsive Distraction Effect
If a male wrestler is in the middle of a match, should his opponent's female valet and/or accomplice position herself onto the ring apron, said wrestler will immediately ignore the match entirely only to stare at the distraction — often while pointing, asking for a kiss, or oogling — until such a time his opponent can sneak behind him for a blindsided assault (and often the rollup victory for the win). This distraction is particularly inexplicable as there have been virtually *no* recorded instances of valets actually acquiescing to invitations to spontaneously make out and / or flash one or more "private parts" during a mid-match advance.
- Jimbobjeff

The "Nature Boy Way" (a.k.a. – the "Ric Flair *MUST* Bleed ‘Like a Stuck Pig' During Every Match He's In" Law)
It's a proven fact that every match that Ric Flair is in, he bleeds like a stuck pig. Whereas many other performers can withstand chairshots, suicide dives, and head-on-collisions with all sorts of plunder – all it ever seems to take is a light shot to Flair's head to cause him to bleed profusely. It doesn't matter if it's a chair shot, sledge-hammer shot, or a stiff punch to the head, you can always count on good ole' Ric to get carried away with the blading, until the point where he bleeds like the proverbial "stuck pig" and dyes his "platinum blond locks" a crimson red. (see also: Corino, Steve; Sandman).
- Bryan Swayn

The Blood Vocabulary Ration Rule
In 99.99% of cases – there is only one way to bleed in professional wrestling, and that is by way of a laceration on the forehead. Since there is only one traditionally accepted manner by which one can shed blood, announcer's vocabulary on this subject is limited to simply two phrases: one can either be "bleeding like a stuck pick," or one can be "wearing the crimson mask." Should an announcer shirk either of these euphemisms and instead attempt to describe the manner in which one's head has been "busted," a lack of vocabulary here will once again inexplicably lead them to describe said "busted-ness" in the same terms in which it has been described for ages. In other words – there is only one way to be "busted," and that is "WIDE OPEN."
- Meehan

The Invisible Titantron Rule
When a wrestler is in a ring arguing with a person standing at the top of the entrance ramp (just below the gratuitously oversized Titantron or jumbo television located right above said ramp area), said wrestler will completely fail to see any and all opponents sneaking up behind them (despite the fact that said superstar's "sneaky" arrival will clearly be foretold on the large-screen television immediately above the head of their argument partner), and they never turn around until the "sneak attacker" completely catches them by "surprise" with a devastating finishing maneuver or shot with a foreign object. A similar law holds true for in-ring-wrestlers arguing with (what turns out to be) a pre-recorded on-screen promo; a fact that will completely catch them by surprise when the guy they're watching on the big-screen TV (or his accomplice) will suddenly sneak up from behind them and cause them to suffer for their attentiveness to the broadcast (see: Abyss & James Mitchell, Christian Cage).
- Billy7

The "Zero to Hero" Conversion Law
If a "jobber" — an unknown wrestler brought in to make another known wrestler look good — should ever happen to actually *WIN* a match, they instantly become a full-time, official member of the roster, and automatically are treated with the same "win/loss" respect ratio as any other established superstar (see also: Kid, The 1-2-3; Snitsky, Gene; and recently Scott, Gunner).
- Jesse

Great work, as always! Keep those entries coming! And we'll do it again next week!

Now then, click the link below to hop on over to page two to see all of the fallout from the controversial Hitman to Heartbreak column of two weeks ago!