Truth B Told 4.27.06: Dressed to Suplex
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 04.27.2006
Clothes Don’t Make the Man, the Neon Pink Lycra Booty Shorts Make the Man.
Welcome to the first ever THURSDAY edition of Truth B Told. So how do we kick off this new "Prime Time" slot? By talking about fashion. What? Yep, fashion. This all started a while back when I was at a PWG show and noticed that Davey Richards had a pair of tights that looked almost identical to the ones Chris Sabin (also a PWG regular) used to wear. I kept wondering how it is that you don't realize that you're basically wearing another man's tights and just decide to wear a different set, then again, how many people have worn the same plain black underwear that Stone Cold used to wear? Snitsky, Brock, Goldberg, etc.
I sort of forgot about the whole thing for a while and just kind of let the whole affair fade from memory. But just like everything in wrestling the same subject came back again. Only this time it was a slightly different take on the same theme. A few short months later this came up again at All-Star weekend 3 when Jade Chung who had just turned into a heel valet for one of the local guys wore the same exact outfit both nights. Bush league I tell ya.
Well, actually not entirely ‘bush league' since I assume she had to wax…but I digress. You would never see a ‘diva' in the "e" wearing the same outfit two shows in a row, let alone back to back shows. C'mon Jade, dish out some of that lucrative Indy wrasslin' money you've been raking in and find a new pair of booty shorts. But the thing is, the thought was there. because previously when Jade was coming to the ring with Human Tornado as a face she would dress more conservatively, very preppy and peppy, but not as slutty. But as a heel…well of course she has to skank it up a bit. This is the ‘Lita-esque' kind of booking that just adds to the show as it is clear that being a heel valet instantly puts her into the "slut" category. Its little things like this that the guys at HH probably talk about all the time…I'm just they've spent more than a few hours discussing the wonders of the "Lita Side Boob" camera shot.
Well this just kind of snowballed and I thought about how both the ring gear and backstage dress code plays a part in the gimmick of a wrestler as well as the subtle nuances of his character. Its true. Lets look at the current champ and one of the most controversial wrestlers of the current day, John Cena. Do you remember when he was just a bland looking wrestler with a crew cut and generic tights? then one day he dresses up like Vanilla ice during a skit and BLAM he becomes the Doctor of Thuganomics. He goes from generic to Hip Hop wanna be and his popularity goes through the roof. But don't forget that an important component to this is the fact that you won't see him backstage or during break in a suit, no no, he rocks the Timbos and Kangol 24/7, or so the WWE would have you believe. was it the gimmick that made the threads or the threads that made the gimmick?
Lets take a look at my brutha from another mutha, Batista. Now I never really noticed this till a certain female mark pointed this out, but the man was wearing a Louis Vutton belt when he first broke away from Evolution and arrived on Smackdown. Impressive to say the least. In fact, I will go as far as to say that Batista is the snappiest dresser that we've seen since The Rock went Hollywood. The thing that differentiated the "Animal Batista" from the "World Champion Batista" is that he had another dimension to his personality. When you look at Brock Lesner, Goldberg, or any of the other "Monsters" you see this one dimensional part of their character. But because we saw the contrast between the "Animal" in the ring and the dapper/thinking man in the suit Batista become a much more interesting character. Clearly it was the influence of HHH and Flair that made this transition possible, but still this was one of the most unique and successful gimmicks that WWE creative ever came up with… or did they. Perhaps this was as much Batista's own personality as it was the booking, either way it works.
There is something cool and calculating about a 6'5", 285 lbs. guy in an expensive suit, pink shirt and making pink Gucci glasses. I dunno, call him the "Metro Man-Beast" if you will but nothing exudes "Cool" quite like Batista. Admit it, there are few guys in the business who could come out in a suit and still manage to look bad ass. Ric Flair is one of those guys… seeing the Nature Boy in anything other than a "$10,000 suit" would just be insane. Could you imagine seeing Flair back stage in Jeans and a T-shirt?? Of course not. Then again could you see Stone Cold back stage in a pair of Khaki pants and a button up pink shirt? Nope. In fact how many people still feel kind of nauseous when you think about the whole "Biker ‘Taker" gimmick?
While Ric Flair has been stylin' and profilin' for years it wasn't until around the "Attitude Era" that most of us became familiar with the importance of melding one's ring gear and "real life" fashion in order to make a cohesive character. Before there was little emphasis put on how a wrestler dressed outside of the ring. basically they wore their ring gear all the time, during interviews, when cutting promos… probably formal events and weddings. Who knows? But when you think about the change from "The Ringmaster" to "Stone Cold" you had a sense that Steve Austin was just a beer guzzling redneck in and out of the ring. He wore camoflauge and tight ass jean shorts and hunting caps. That was Stone Cold for you. The Rock was a $1,000 Versace and Gucci shirt wearing arrogant jerk heel. Everything kind of came together for these guys. Even DX had a good sense of continuity with their in-ring and backstage gear.
A good example of the homogenization of the wrestlers these days is Rob Conway. "Ravishing" Rob Conway came back with a new gimmick, a new body, and new ring gear. It was THE gayest ring gear this side of … um… no, just the gayest. Leather Biker hat, sunglasses, and black mesh panties. I mean trunks. But you know, it was memorable, it was original, and it stuck out. When he came back to RAW a few weeks ago he just looked like any other jobber. Why take away the one thing that was really differentiating him from the rest of the pack? In fact they should have taken it a little further and had him rock the ol' skool Jericho shiny shirts and leather pants back stage. Alas, we never even got that far as it seems like Conway is back to his jobbing ways and yet another questionable gimmick that had some potential has apparently been sent packing.
What this is all coming to is the ‘Dress Code' that the WWE instituted recently. I think this is rather unnecessary considering that while most of the roster have to adhere to these rules, others are exempt due to their gimmick. Cena, ‘Taker, Edge, and Kane for example. This makes sense to some degree, I guess having Carlito rock anything other than a Bahama shirt would seem odd. Or having Candice Michelle wear underwear outside of a ring seems just too surreal. Then again, why even bother if some people are exempt while others aren't? how do you expect the wrestlers to want to conduct themselves as true "proessionals" when they spend a majority of their working time in spandex and baby oil. Back in the day, you would see Cade and Murdoch in cowboy gear 24/7. You'd see Bobby Lashley t-shirt and jeans, and Rey Misterio in…well, whatever the hell the guy wants so long as he has that mask on. To me the "Dress Code" is not only hypocritical, but also takes away some of the illusion and the luster of certain gimmicks wrestlers are bound to.
If it seems like I'm picking on the WWE, then let's take a look at TNA. For the most part it is rare that we get a glimpse at anyone backstage in anything other than their ring gear, or perhaps their ring gear and their T-shirt. But the few times we have seen some of the wrestlers in their out of ring attire it has basically fit with their gimmick. James Storm was dressed as a redneck cowboy. Chris Harris has been spotted in both a suit and as a cowboy. Jeff Jarrett was dressed as a fashionly challenged retard with his white pants and orange tight shirt…the hell is that?? No seriously, what the hell is up with that?? He looks like a damn Orange Cream-sicle for God's sake. I actually think JJ's clothes get more heat than he does sometimes. Well good for him. But for the most part its either casual or warm up gear if you're a member of Team Canada and that works. Because fitting in with TNA's philosophy that they are the wrestling alternative and an underdog against the WWE machine the dress code is casual. This makes a lot of sense because underdogs don't usually wear $10,000 suits or Louis Vitton belts.
In order to satiate the resident OVW (Sully) and RoH (Ari-gami) I will mention that OVW and RoH when shooting promos and such have also gone basically casual. This makes sense because these guys are basically Indy wrestlers. You wouldn't expect to see guys like Jack Evans, Homicide, CM Punk, or Mike the Miz in a suit and tie. Then again as far as in-ring gear most of these guys still rock the mostly generic Indy gear that anyone else wears. For RoH it is harder to coordinate since their roster is so expansive and the wrestlers use whatever gear they have been using on the Indy circuit. Likewise TNA guys taking a lot of outside booking as well. OVW has a bit more control since their guys are under contract, but really OVW is more about the in-ring and eventual mic work than the look. Most guys don't even get a real differentiated look until right before they are called up anyways.
The reality is that the WWE has the resources and outlet to be able to use the in-ring and backstage gear to their advantage. The WWE is still very much interested in keeping Kayfabe alive…at least when it's of benefit to them. The ability to blur that line by portraying their "Superstars" the way they want to outside of the ring is still a very powerful tool. For every well dressed ‘Animal' there is a redneck ‘Rattlesnake'. For every ‘Texas Tycoon', there is a "People's Champ". WWE has to learn how to harnass this power, otherwise we end up with HBK in a women's chamasole, Shelton Benjamin in Backstreet Boys white linen outfits, and shirtless Chris Masters just running amok around the world. Man, now THAT would be a great game, "Where's Shirtless Masters?"
The Truth
There are only 3 kinda of people who can rock a leather vest as entrance attire. Stone Cold Steve Austin because…clearly Rednecks and leather vests go hand in hand like myspace and sexual predators. Or…411 forums and sexual predators. The other 2 are freshly turned hell Rocky after he came back from doing his first movie. I don't know if that includes all African/Samoans (or Afroans) or just ones that wrestle for a living or at least used to. The last being if your first name happens to be Black Jack. As in Lanza, Mulligan, Windham, or Bradshaw. Charlie Haas is none of those 3 things. Well… I can't confirm the 2nd one, but he just doesn't look Afroan to me. Ya see? This is why both the in-ring and out of ring gear is so important. Then again, Matt Striker wearing a sweater vest with his trunks kind of worked, especially since he is a running a teaching gimmick. Just another case where matching the gimmick to the look is so important.
While not everyone can come off as cool and pimperiffic as Batista can while still adhering to the ‘Dress Code' in the WWE, there are a lot of good examples where looking the part is as important as acting the part. Cena showed us this, and you can bet your ass that anytime we see Carlito he'll be rockin' the Caribbean wear. I shutter to picture Sideshow Carlito in cornrows and Sean John. I think if WWE wanted a quick and easy way to endear their wrestlers to us they would start showing them ‘living their gimmick' a little more backstage. *side note, while WWE wrestlers appearing to ‘live their gimmick' is great, local Indy guys actually buying into their own hype and doing the same is just flat out retarded… you know who you are* While I know that Dustin Rhodes doesn't wear gold 24 hours a day and Paul Birchall probably puts down the eye pantaloons and sash on occasion the least they could do is commit a little more to the illusion. Hell, if you want us to believe ridiculous shit, you might as well commit to it right? Kind of like having a monogamous relationship… only with more leather vests…or perhaps, less.
Coming Up Short
This is real simple math. HBK can take on 4 members of the Spirit Squad and almost win. But it takes Edge, HHH, and Cena to beat 5 of them at once. What….the….FUCK?? so lemme down for you because you need to appreciate the magnitude of this statement, HBK, Cena, HHH, Edge, Big Show, and Kane have all faced the Spirit Squad and NONE of them have been able to pin any of them. Think about that. Let that wash over you like soapy water on Gail Kim's naked, nubile body at a private car wash in my back yard. Sorry, lost focus for a second there. The Spirit Squad has faced all of the top talent on RAW and come out…undefeated. Sure they lost via DQ against HBK, but who cares?? Geeeez. I'm kind of understanding the equation here as HHH/Cena/Edge could have pinned those guys on Monday night if they wanted to, but for some reason they decided not to so they could keep the SS strong, booking wise. Yeah, I'm not sure how losing to the top 2 contenders and the WWE champ means you're weak, but whatever. I just don't know why they keep putting these guys in against this kind of top talent and letting them wriggle off the hook without having to do the job. Well, I guess that's for the "creative staff" at the "e" to figure out. Cuz' right now I think the booking for their opponents is just coming up….*picturing Gail Kim again*…. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. oh…um… short.
6 Degrees of…
It was time my friends. It was time to unleash upon you all the mystical might that is….EL DANDY. For those of you who don't "hablo espanol" that means… The Dandy. Yes, El Dandy is quite possibly the most powerful force that the world has ever known. In fact… El Dandy is so powerful, so glorious, so Omnipotent that he and he ALONE can rid us of one of the most insipid and evil forces know to man…
CLAY AIKEN!!
So it is up to you my loyal hive to go out and find the 6 degrees (EXACTLY 6 Degrees DAMN IT!!) that somehow link these two together. Do not let me…or more importantly, El Dandy down.
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
So does anyone even bother reading the content anymore? Or do you just scroll down to 6 degrees? Aww who cares, so long as my ratings are on par with Impact! and I'm not losing the audience lead-in from Meehan. Yep…both of you guys. Well it was a good week for 6 degrees as we got a butt load of entries. We're talkin' Mickie James butt load too. Which is either a lot of e-mails…or Ken Doane. You decide.
"6 Degrees of….", Results.
*Remember, just like "Who's Line is it Anyways" the point values are totally made up and are meaningless and I tend to just pick and choose the Top 3 however I feel like on any particular day... although special considerations are given to those including Mantaur, porn stars, the band Journey, and any old 80's movies that include either Coreys*
Rob Pettigrew was 2 degrees short. But somehow managed to mention Jeff Hardy. Nothing gives you the right to include Jeff Hardy and Blackzilla in the same breath Rob…nothing.
Nathan King was hell bent on redemption this week and managed 3 whole links from Blackzilla to Wayne Brady. Yep…3 links. Nate, you are quickly becoming the Lodi to my Raven. Take that as you will.
Ed was waaaaaay short on his degrees as well but also penned one of my favorite lines this week, : "BTW, love the column, funniest wrestling column on the web. Keep
it up." I don't know if he means unintentionally funny, like old people, or if he means intentionally funny, like pushing old people down yourself.
John Baker had a great 1st effort on his first "6 Degrees" submission, but he stole my Wayne Brady/Samoa Joe joke, then proceeded to still refer to him as Black Lesner. John, John, John, all the "cool" kids are calling him Blackzilla now or Negro Butcher, still a very strong effort and any other week it would have been at least an honorable mention.
Sam also went the Jeff Hardy route and managed to go strictly through wrestlers. An impressive feat no doubt, but something was lacking in his performance. I didn't feel the warmth, I didn't feel the passion, nor the charisma that submissions need to have at this stage in the game… Oh man, I gotta stop watching American Idol.
Jason had a strong submission, extra points for the Fit Finlay/'Taker degree ala Tombstone Piledriver, he took the easy route by using Drew Carey. Oh, anyone can just "use" Drew Carey…but how many of us can say they ever TRULY loved him? Anywho… he also brings up a good point with this little tidbit:
Great column. The problem is that now a great heel is cheered. Only a mediocre heel can stay bad. Of course the natural face turn leads to creative changing the very things that made the crowd cheer the heel in the first place, which then turns them heel. Like with Cena…
While I think a good heel can stay heel through a number of ways its really difficult. HHH and JJ have done such great jobs because they had never faced anyone else that was even a bigger (albeit unintentional) heel than they were. Even so, a good heels can operate without worrying about the smarky fans taking their side. Or… u know… just become a total douche bag and hook up with the skankiest chick you can find who doesn't mind flashing the boobage. No wait… that didn't work for HHH.
From the 411 staff submission pile is Big Nasty himself, Matt Sforcina, master of the "Evo Scheme". Wait, why does that sound like I'm a Super Villain with a lisp when I say that?
I keep meaning to do this, but never get round to it. And I doubt you're interested in my 6 Degree things now.
Anyway- Lashley to Wayne Brady. Sorry, but I had to go the obvious way.
Lashley is currently in a fued, sorta, with Finlay.
Finlay worked with the WWE Women's Division as a road agent when it reached it's last peak, the Trish/Jazz/Molly age, although the true star was Victoria.
Victoria was once, on screen, in a relationship with Stevie Richards. Lucky Bastard.
Stevie Richards was, at various points, Raven's lackey.
Raven, during the 2001 Royal Rumble, came out and using a kendo stick saved one Drew Carey from a chokeslam.
And Drew Carey was the host of the US version of Whose Line Is It Anyway, which starred Wayne Brady.
--
Bye for now,
mlsq42/Mathew Sforcina/Hey, You!
I guess its just me and Sforskin who are big Victoria marks. To be honest, I always thought she was hotter than most of the Divas out there not named Stacy. Something about those big powerful thighs that make you realize that sex with her would be like sky diving without lessons. Sure they'll be able 2 minutes of uncontrollable screaming at the top of your lungs and chances are you're probably gonna do. But if you don't, it would make one hell of a blog entry the next day.
From the "Awwww, Isn't that cute" file is none other than my main squeeze. Seems she decided to go ahead and take a stab at this since it involves one of her favorite wrestlers. I'm not sure if letting my girlfriend ogle of large sweaty muscular men is such a great idea. I mean it's bad enough she's already called me her "Yellow" Orlando Jordan. Hell, it's not my fault I can't make it past that 30 seconds without tapping out. Just move along people, nothing to see here…
Blaster Lashley was an officer in the US Army (Lashley: US Army)
The US army and military is also known as Uncle Sam (US Army: Uncle Sam)
At American Bash, Torrie Wilson dressed like Uncle Sam (Uncle Sam: Torrie Wilson)
Torrie Wilson is from Boise, Idaho (Torrie Wilson: Idaho)
Dieder Bader acted as Rex Kwondo in Napeolon Dynamite which is set in Idaho (Idaho: Dieder Bader)
Dieder Bader acted with Wayne Brady on the show Who's Line is it Anyways (Dieder Bader: Wayne Brady)
-TBT's Asian girlfriend who is not a bitch... 50% of the time in a month.
I was actually surprised she did this well. Granted she didn't use the "official TBT 6 Degrees Rule Book", not bad… for a girl. Man, how much would it rule if Orlando Jordan teamed up with Blackzilla under a "Napoleon Dynamite" gimmick. "The FBI wanted me to join their gang cuz' I'm pretty good with a bow staff". Blackzilla as Rex would be "tits" for sure. "You don't want to take a Dominator on your face with THESE bad boys on do ya?". I can just see the puffy American Flag pants now.
Honorable Mention
Manu Bumb takes another whack at "6 Degrees" and comes up a little short. Hmm… you know for some reason I always pictured this guy as a cross between Manu Ginobilli and Adam Bomb… if they ever had a love child. Which is scary when you just consider the logistics of that ever happening.
so that honorable mention, the one that included Charmed, was the exact same one that I had, before I decided RVD and X-Files was greater than Charmed and Steiner/Booker/Bagwell. I guess the daniels/booker link was weak. no worries.
Wayne Brady has made guest appearances on the drew carey show, as well as "whose line is it anyways" when it was hosted by Drew Carey.
Drew Carey was in the 2001 Royal Rumble, which Steve Austin won.
While in ECW, Steve Austin mocked Hulk Hogan, then went on to snub him at the 2006 Hall of Fame Ceremony.
Hogan got his ass handed to him by Goldberg.
Goldberg got schooled by Steven Regal in WCW. (damn...I can't find the youtube link for this anymore)
Steven Regal, now known as William Regal, got his ass handed to him by Bobby Lashley on SD in a handicap match.
Manu
I totally forgot about when Regal no-sold the Jackhammer and got fired from WCW for trying to "teach Goldberg a lesson". Pure Kaybe-y gold. I also appreciate the youtube linkage. I was hoping one of these days someone would go with an all youtube entry. That and I was wondering why no one went with the Blackzilla to Godzilla degree. How hard would that really be? You had to KNOW I was just waiting for it. Damn you people!!
Holy Crap it's a tie this week. Honorable mention also goes to Vaughn Swift for his use of Chuck Norris. Now while I am not a Chuck Norris fan, and a Bruce Lee reference would have been double the points, I will defend to the death your right to reference the bearded wonder known as "White" Charlie Haas.
Wayne Brady is in 2006 tv series "Flirt" alongside Marco Sanchez.
Marco Sanchez was Carlos Sandoval in Walker, Texas Ranger starring
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, giving baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he wore until he died.
Jesus's old man God is appearing at Backlash teaming with Shawn Michaels against Vince and Shane Mcmahon.
At Wrestlemania 9 Tatanka defeated Shawn Michaels @ 18:15 via Count Out
March 24, 2006 - SmackDown!: Tatanka participated in a Money in the Bank
Qualifying Battle Royal which was won by Bobbly Lashley
Actually I believe "Flirt" just wrapped production and hasn't actually aired on network TV yet so you lost a point there that might have vaulted you into 3rd place. I want you to take a second and consider this: Blackzilla, Wayne Brady, God, HBK, Tatanka, and Chuck Norris all in an Elimination Chamber. Who comes out on top? The answer: The Fans. Somebody book this already.
#3
The thunder continues from down under as T-bone makes the list based on pure randomness and ludicrous-ity. He would have placed high on creativity alone but he is clearly 1 degree short. Plus, I used to watch Clarissa Explains it all…..what? I was a kid, Nickelodeon was the thing… I still flinch and cover my head every time someone says "I don't know".
Bayani,
I'm still perturbed that you didn't list my last 6 degrees (toni basil to mickie james). I even included my mum's prevention of my listening to vanilla ice and sir mix-a-lot. Maybe I should have done the all lesbian edition. Nevertheless. . . :)
Firstly, I will give another couple attempts at your current 6 degrees and see how well I fare!
Bobby Lashley to Wayne Brady. . .
I'm going backwards.
Attempt #1
01. Wayne Brady appeared in a 1999 episode of the Drew Carey Show.
02. Drew Carey entered the 2001 Royal Rumble as the #5 entrant.
03. Brian Knobs was the #5 entrant in the 1993 Royal Rumble.
04. At a house show that I attended in 1991, the Nasty Boys (Brian Knobs and
Jerry Saggs) won the tag team titles from the Hart Foundation through
nefarious means (much like they're wrestlemania vii win). I was outraged
(and eleven years old) and tried to jump the baricade to beat up the baddies. My mum thought that was a bit much and made a rule that I was allowed to watch up to 60 minutes of wrestling a week on tv.
05. Can you imagine a 60 minute iron man match featuring Bobby Lashley and Mark Henry? Scary, scary stuff. That'd make my mum mad!!
Attempt #2
01. Wayne Brady appeared in a 1993 episode of Clarissa Explains It All.
02. In the tv series Clarissa Explains It All, every time her best friend
(who was a boy. . . sexual tension!!) came in through her bedroom window
(see what I mean?. . . sexual tension!) a guitar would strum a G "major" chord.
03. The "major" in I Dream of Jeannie (major nelson) was played by Larry
Hagman, who appeared in Dallas and was the central character in the "Who
Shot JR" story in the late 90s.
04. WWE ran a "Who Ran Over Stone Cold" program in late 2000, upon his
return to the WWE, with the guilty person being Rikishi, a fat guy who has
since been given his pink slip from the WWE.
05. Another fat guy who hopefully will be given his pink slip from the WWE
in the near future is Mark Henry, who is in the King of the Ring tournament
with Bobby Lashley, where they will face off in an opening round matchup.
Attempt #3 - my all girl attempt; not sure if this will work. . .
01. Wayne Brady appeared in a 2006 episode of some tv show I've never heard
of called "Girlfriends".
02. Persia White, an actress from the tv series "Girlfriends", appeared in a
1996 episode of "Saved By The Bell: The New Class" (did they still make it in 1996?!?!), a show which also featured a long-time crush of mine, Tiffany Amber-Thiessen.
03. Tiffany Amber-Thiessen also starred in Beverly Hills 90210: The College Years, along with Jenny Garth.
04. Jenny Garth appeared at Wrestlemania xi, along with Salt-N-Peppa, who had a hit song called "Let's Talk About Sex"
05. Lita's sex life is the basis of her current character, stemming from her relationship with Matt Hardy, who was in the Money In the Bank Ladder Match
at Wrestlemania 22 with Bobby Lashley.
Now, one of those should get me an appearance. Maybe not. All in all, it's fun looking for obscure links that may or may not have any relevance to anything. . .
Now onto the meat and potatoes. I was reading your most recent column (regarding heel/face dynamics in today's wrestling environment). One point of note that I think has the greatest influence on your evaluation of the current face/heel breakdown on both wwe shows is crowd reaction today. The wwe seems to be confused as to how to react to current crowd reactions (and you make note of this, to some extent).
The classic face/heel dynamics from the 80s and before are no longer prevalent. That period of history is long past. This holds true also for the attitude era where the anti-hero was the crowd favourite. These days, crowds tend to cheer for who they want to cheer for - something the wwe has made mention of in the recent past when crowds cheer against how the wwe thinks they should cheer.
In my mind, the solution isn't to try and build more heels on one brand or faces on another. The solution lies in the crowd itself. One important facet I've noticed while revisting old wwe videos from the 80s (that's as old as I get) is that the face pops for Hogan and Warrior were similar to the positive cheers Cena gets today. That is, they're made up of women and children. Looking forward, those same children are still watching
wrestling while the women (those kids mum's) are laughing at their now young
adult's fantasy life (perhaps I'm speaking from experience). These adults make up
the majority of the current fanbase - males aged 18-30. These fans, be it smarks, marks, whatever, will cheer the most entertaining and don't care who is meant to be the good guy or the bad guy (as opposed to 20 years ago when the good guy was THE DUDE!).
Now, the wwe seems to be slowly recognizing this independence in crowd reaction, but is unsure of how to book the ensuing programs so as to accommodate the current climate. This is where my first foray into fantasy booking comes into fruition. I've mentioned this idea to my work colleagues (non-wrestling fans - there aren't that many of us in australia - who are all too familiar with me talking shit about wrestling at work). Let me know what you think. . .
The seeds to this storyline are planted gradually and with, hopefully, little notice from the fans. Matches and feuds seem to be progressing as per normal, however, over the next two or three months, every title is held by a seasoned veteran. For example, Triple H is champ on Raw, with Big Show as Intercontinental champ and a team of Shawn Michaels and RVD are tag champs. On Smackdown, have Kurt Angle as champ with JBL as US champ and Chris Benoit and William Regal as tag champs. Then have the #1 contenders for each title slowly build so other veterans are challenging. Make sure, though, that
non-title feuds between fairly young wrestlers continue.
After a month or so of this being set, have some of the younger, heel wrestlers start to notice the trend. Have them make it clear that they are feeling held down by the veterans. On Raw, have Edge, Carlito, Chris Masters, Spirit Squad etc voicing their opinions. On Smackdown you have Randy Orton leading MNM, London, Kendrick, Lashley, Kennedy. The key individual is John Cena.
Cena will have lost his title to HHH due to interference from, say, Carlito. This gets him out of the title hunt and into a non-title feud with a young guy. When the young guys on Raw, along with a couple of Smackdown guys (say Orton and Kennedy) try to sway him over to their side, he tells them to get stuffed.
Eventually, in the main event of, say, Summerslam, Cena makes his eventual turn, joining the young group in trying to overthrow the veterans and destroy the glass ceiling holding them back. Cena is Raw's young team captain and Orton is Smackdown's young team captain.
You then have HEAPS of fresh feuds, pitting young vs old for titles and pride etc. Lots of interesting storylines can develop from this too. For instance, you have, say 10 veteran wrestlers on each brand. Also 10 young wrestlers. Then you have roughly 10 guys on each brand that are in-between (guys like RVD, Edge, Rey Rey, Hardy, Helms, Chavo). These are the guys that swap between "teams" to create intrigue etc. Also makes triple threat as young vs old vs who knows what he'll do.
This could go on for a couple of years easily and allow passing of torches etc and eventual retirements from the ring (they could still be managers or on air personallities) for guys like Ric Flair, Undertaker, HBK etc. The point, and a long winded one at that, is that the crowd can choose who to cheer for. The wwe doesn't have to book the young guys as faces or heels. Same with the veterans. Both points provide strong arguments.
Face veterans - we built this league, they aren't ready
Heel veterans - we're keeping our spot
Face young - they're holding us back, we deserve a fair shot
Heel young - we're gonna cripple those old bastards!
OK, the beer's wearing off a bit and my fingers are sore.
This was a column in itself.
I really think this could revolutionize wrestling and bring forth the new era in wrestling whilst making new stars. However, I've read other fantasy booking ideas and lots of them sound good. Why then, does wwe seem to rehash much of the same over and over?
In any case, that's me.
Ciao.
T-Bone.
Wow, Congradulations T-Bone, you have managed to re-book the "New Blood/Millionaires Club" angle from WCW. Or the Natural Born Thrillas angle, or… pretty much anything WCW did prior to it imploding in the last 90's. Beethinks you might actually be Vince Russo in disguise, I'll have to get the crack(smoking) team of computer specialists here at 411 to check your IP address. Well nice try anyways and I've always liked the whole young lion vs old lion feud. I think the WWE is totally missing the point as they keep going the ‘soap opera' route in all their feuds instead of letting some of these feuds just kind of evolve into a "respect match" or just letting them be able the belts and nothing more. The funny thing is that you mention aligning all the young guys on Smackdown… that's basically Lashley/Pirate Paul/MNM and the cruisers. Not exactly imposing. Clearly Blackzilla has to eat one of the CW's just to prove a point and show that they mean business.
#2.
Marky Mark resurrects Mantaur this week. Meaning someone DID find the Necromicron after all.
B--
It's the return of Mantaur this week in Six Degrees. He's been dormant for too long and his undeniable power is about to return to the pages of TBT.
By the way thanks for reprinting my whole e-mail from last week. Now all of your readers, (you know, all two of them not including me and Meehan) know that I get drunk and have been known to watch porn. Really puts me in a positive and classy light....haha
Anyways, on with the show...
6 degrees of Lashley to Wayne Brady
Wayne Brady co-starred with Drew Carey on Whose Line Is It Anyway?...
Drew Carey encountered Kane in the 2001 Royal Rumble…
Kane wrestled Big Show at Fully Loaded 1999, with Hardcore Holly as the special referee…
Hardcore Holly, as Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly, beat Mantaur in a qualifying match for King of the Ring '95 (oh that's right!!! Mantaur's back bitches!!!)
Mantaur was a lumberjack for the Diesel-Sid WWF Title lumberjack at an In Your House PPV in July '95, as was God's current tag team partner Shawn Michaels…
Michaels and Lashley were on opposing teams in the main event of Survivor Series 2005…
Mark Satrang
Yep, Mantaur is what put him over the top. Plus, who knew that you could get from Mantaur to God in the matter of two degrees? The only thing that stands between Mantaur and God…..HBK. Plus, I don't know why you're so bent out of shape Mark. It's not like I listed the Top 5 porno movies in your rental queue last week… Because I was saving it for this week.
#1. Cockdown – Starring: Christine Cage
#2. Arma-get-it-on – Starring: Triple D's
#3. The Great American Ass – Starring: Justine Baldsnatch LayMe
#4. Bound and Gagged For Glory – Starring: "The She-Man Beast" Traci Brooks
#5. Destination XXX – Starring: America's Most Horny.
Mark, you are one sick bastard. Also. Destination XXX was just a bit too "spotty' for my taste.
#1.
Cap'n Amazo makes his triumphant return to TBT with two of the oddest, and yet intriguing entries so far.
Check this shit out, B. I've compiled two separate lists connecting Bobby "Don't Call Me Bobby" Lashley and Wayne "Hey, Remember That Episode of Chappelle's Show? That Was Funny, Right?" Brady. Neither one makes much sense (especially the first one) but I've never let stupid shit like that stop me before.
1- Bobby Lashley once forced Simon Dean to eat lots of hamburgers.
2- In Action Comics # 454, Superman tried to eat every hamburger on Earth.
3- One of Superman's enemies was Brainiac, who wore no pants on TV's "Challenge of the Superfriends."
4- Also wearing no pants was Mr. T, disguised as a doctor, in "Mr. T's Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool."
5- Mr. T used to wear chains of gold.
6- Also golden are the arches at McDonald's, who once had a commercial starring . . . Wayne Brady.
1- Bobby Lashley used to be called "Blaster."
2- Bad News Brown treacherously hit his feared "Ghetto Blaster" on Bret Hart to win a WrestleMania battle royal.
3- Bret Hart was instrumental to Sting defeating Hulk Hogan at Starrcade 1997.
4- Kanyon, in the guise of Mortis, came out to celebrate after Sting won this match.
5- The archenemy of Mortis was none other than Glacier, who wielded mastery over the forces of really cold.
6- Speaking of cold, Wayne Brady was apparently cold, as he mentioned this in that McDonald's commercial he was in. He said, in a Swedish accent, "Yumpin' yiminy, brrr, it's cold!" See, it was a joke about how Swedish people talk funny, and, and . . . yeah.
Also, this may not have anything to do with Bobby Lashley or even hamburgers, but every time I see Triple H cut a promo on John Cena, I half-expect him to just scream, "KNEEL BEFORE ZOD~!" and then he hits Cena with a bus. And Edge is Lois Lane. And that reminds me, although "Stinkor" is a quality Masters of the Universe insult name, I would have gone with "Sticky Fingers, the Space Pirate." Actually, I would have just gotten Lita to rub her nasty VD bacteria on an action figure and then just hit him in the eye with it. Then he'd be in the emergency room, and the nurse would be calling the doctor at home going, "Doctor, we need you to come in. There's a man here with syphilis and what appears to be a Man-E-Faces in his eye. And he just called me 'homey.'
And then the doctor would say, " . . . What?"
Captain Amazo
I feel like maybe the Cap'n has been going to the Mark Satrang school of "6 degrees" preparation and was drunk when he e-mailed this…while he was watching porn. That included a scene at McDonalds….and Mr. T. I'm not sure that you can get anymore obscure than using Sticky Fingers as a ‘dig' on another WWE Superstar, but clearly Stinkor would have kick the high holy shit out of that Tar Shooting Space (between your buttcheeks) Pirate. Also if you really wanna do some damage, you gotta use Mech-A-Neck as the eye gouging VD spreading implement of doom. That dude's head was HELLA sharp after all. All I know is, the only thing that you can get from kneeling before Zod… is being Zodamized.
Left Overs…
Last week Eric "Butterbean" Esch beat Aaron "Hardkore Kid, aka Jesus in WWE" Aguilera in an MMA fight by submission with a rear naked choke after only 1 minute and 15 seconds in the first round. Okay, top 5 jokes for this bullet point are:
5. Great. Vince's son 1 victory, God's son, Zero.
4. So does EVERY fat guy have to use a rear naked choke as a finisher now?
3. Having worked for the WWF before, Butterbean figured a minute into the match would be sufficient enough for the first "rest hold".
2. Asked afterwards why he thought he lost, Aguilera blamed the booking.
1. After disposing of Aaron Aguilera, Butterbean was quoted afterwards saying, "well if the Jews finished the job in the first place, I wouldn't have had to do it myself".
Low Ki showed up at Lockdown in a truly HOLY SHIT moment last Sunday, but is now wrestling under the name "Senshi". Senshi actually translates to "Warrior" in Japanese. See?? I told ya they'd get "Warrior" in TNA at some point. Quick, someone make me a "Jobbin' don't make the world work" T-shirt.
TNA has a Hemme now. And I wouldn't mind checkin' under that hood if I may say so myself. While Christy provides another female wrestler if needed, she also provides some welcome T&A as well. The only thing that bothers me is her forehead. That sucker is so big it's an 8 head.
Konnan has sunk to an all-time low after he failed to beat "Bullet" Bob in an arm wrestling match on Sunday. I don't know what goes down in Orlando, but here in LA a big ass Mexican ‘Thug' could beat an old white man any day of the week. Actually, make that every day. And add in…"for his wallet" while you're at it. What? Hey, I don't condone violent crimes… I just make light of them.
Brock and WWE settle their lawsuit, FINALLY. Terms of the deal haven't been released due to "Confidentiality" however I have it on good authority that per the terms of the deal, Brock agreed not to use his real name and be known hence forth as "White" Lashley.
EC-Dub, EC-Dub, EC-Dub!! WWE is bringing in pretty much anyone who can still walk who had any ties with ECW. Knowing that most of the talent available is old and past it's prime there is a good chance that most of the matches won't be technical masterpieces exactly. In fact WWE is just looking for anyone who can work a "Hardcore Clusterfuck". With that in mind Jasmine St. Claire should be getting a call soon.
Don't let Shane anywhere near your moveset, he'll just jack that shit with the quickness. Umaga debuted by pulling a rack neckbreaker on Ric Flair and then Shane uses it during RAW. Damn. What's next? The chokeslam? Is he going to stay putting people in the McMahonsterlock Challenge?? Or even worse, start giving wrestlers blowjobs and herpes backstage? Nawww… I think Lita's ‘moveset' is probably safe for now.
Claudio turns on RoH and sides with CZW. Which is just SHOCKING. I mean, how could this happen? Who would have thought a guy who wrestles in CZW would actually align himself with CZW? Its like the time Ari went to a Catholic mass and pretended he was going to take communion, only to have his Rabbi come in and hit the priest with the Diamond Cutter.
So Candice is a face now after shunning Coach and making out with Big Vis?? I just can't swallow that. Speaking of which, that was probably the last time Candice had a "face turn". C'mon Candice…it's high in protein.
Cena gettin' a little sassy on "5 Questions" on WWE.com. I love how he actually cuts a promo on all the myspace geeks leaving comments on his page. Has it come to this Cena? You don't see Tila Tequila cutting any heal promos trying to get herself over.
Lex, Buff, Rick Steiner all backstage at Impact! this week. Whoops, I mean… *Spoiler Alert*. Well anyways unless you live under a rock, or in Cook's mom's basement with him… I mean, his "apartment", then you probably already knew this. I guess I'm the only guy who marked out for Buff "The Stuff" more than the other two guys. I really hope they sign Buff and give him gimmick from that movie he was in "Day of the Warrior". I believe he was called "The Warrior" and was supposed to be an Olympic gold medalist, ex-CIA agent, pro wrestler, fine art dealer, diamond smuggler and pornography bootlegger. Yeah… that could get over right?
Bobcore Holly is recovering from a life threatening staph infection….karma? I hope Bobcore gets well soon because without him around there are dozens of fresh rookies walking about healthy and unviolated. Someone just has to put a stop to that. Oh wait… is that JBL with a bar of soap and a cucumber? Nevermind Bobcore, take your time.
If it looks like a face, talks like a face, and smells like a face, chances are it's a face. HHH is operating from a very un-heelish place lately and I'm starting to dig it. Then again, basically he's neither face nor heel really. He's just a guy who wants to be the best in the biz and wants to be recognized as such. Now if making fun of your co-workers and their sexual deficiencies or lack of fan support is considered being a "Heel"…well then… shit. Someone hand me a sledge hammer and show me how to do that water thing. I keep trying it in the shower, but it just isn't the same.
Chris Masters is an LA native so he knows just how expensive gas has become out here as well as around the country. Luckily he's been thinking ahead and recently sold his car for gas money.
Pimpin' In High Places
While the move to "primetime" has been great, its reeking havoc on my usual plugs. I guess now that I'm not longer part of the "Team Weekend" I should now be plugging the guys in front of me. Wait… that doesn't sound right. Um….uh…. sooooo…. how bout that LeBron James huh?:
Let's start off with some ‘Fresh Meat' shall we? Julian Williams Takes a look at HIS Top 5 Cage Matches. Yet I didn't see Christian anywhere on the list….WTF newbie…get it together man.
Meehan defends McMahon and his battle with the Notorious G.O.D. Yeah, sure Meehan. Join him next week as he gives us the sunnier side of the Holocaust.
Sforcina Evo Scheme. Sting. Well at least he's going to cover his earlier work with The Police, so you have that to look forward to.
Csonka brings you news. He also brings you his views. Cuz'…that's his thing.
Grayson Hamill brings you The Butterfly Effect. I can't wait till he talks about the effect Sid Vicious shitting himself had on the X-Division of today. Cuz' deep down, you know it did.
Dan Zurbruegg is new. He recaps Velocity. He also enjoys Dave Matthews Band, Pearl Jam, and Smashing Pumpkins. YES!! 411 is bringing the EMO. I wonder if he also writes poetry and wears those cool little hats with the shirt bills.
JP defends…himself. I say fry the cocky little bastard. On second thought, that seems kinda harsh. I say throw him in the State Pen. With no Vaseline.
O'dog is back. Where was he? Who knows. Probably in Japan refining his writing and wrestling as Magenta Tiger Mask IV.
ARI makes room for PWG on his list. Good for him. He also demanded that if Team Philippines and Team Koala Humpers got shot at the World X-cup that a Jewish team deserves a shot. So far he's got calls into Goldberg, DDP, Barry Horowitz, and Billy Kidman. The team will be called the Hebrew Nationals. Because they're all a bunch of weenies.
F of F features O'dog and Julian Williams. Its pretty ECW heavy though. Then again, what ECW alum is WWE thinking of bringing back ISN'T heavy. C'mon… like Sandman has been rockin' Pilates lately?
Last and Least is Cook. Poor Cook is feeling a little "Jan Brady" now that he has to share Thursdays. If anything I think we'll make a great tag team on Thursday. He's the Judy Bagwell to my Rick Steiner.
Well the first ever "Primetime" TBT is in the books. Or rather, on the ‘net. Don't forget to check out the Backlash Roundtable and 411 blogs for more TBT goodness this week. Also keep your ears to the ground because you never know when TBT will strike. Like the Kanyon Kutter. Which is a lot like the RKO, but, you know….good. Oh and don't forget to check out all the newbies and let them know what you think. Then end the e-mail with the phrase…"but you're no TBT….bitch"… XOXO. Well see ya next week as I … I dunno, come up with a column idea sometime Tuesday night I guess.
