The Wrestling News Experience: 05.01.06
Posted by Stephen Randle on 05.01.2006
Come on, say it, you should be used to it by now.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, The Champ...is...STILL...here!
Good morning everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I'm Stephen Randle, and I have very few redeeming qualities. Fortunately, that's irrelevant to being able to write a column around here. And with seemingly everyone doing columns that take two or three people to write, I'm of two minds: either I'm incredible for doing all this work by my self, or I seriously need my own intern to write a section of this so I can work less. Actually, those are both of the same mind, aren't they?
Note to the Toronto Blue Jays: dump Josh Towers. Today.
And with that, we're on to the Backlash results!
PPV In Review - WWE Backlash 2006
As always, Larry provided you with all the live coverage last night.
Carlito defeated Chris Masters with his feet on the ropes following a Lungblower
There was always a little tiny voice in the back of my head pointing out that Chris Masters is a WWE Creative pet project, and they might just give him the win to push him some more, but fortunately common sense kind of won out, including letting Carlito continue to do the cool heelish things that he does. Even drunken monkeys can learn things eventually.
Umaga defeated Ric Flair with the Asiatic Spike
Ironically, a three minute squash. Get it?
Trish Stratus defeated Mickie James by disqualification
I was actually curious how they were going to get out of this, since Trish really is Mickie's only challenger, but shouldn't be winning the belt back so quickly. And I guess that also answers my roundtable question about who Mickie's next challenger is: nobody.
RVD defeated Shelton Benjamin with the 5-star frog splash to win the Intercontinental title
We're going to go ahead and stamp this with Match of the Night honours right now, just so I can get angry e-mails from people who disagree. Because I'm a nice guy like that. Okay, so now we have a couple months, during which RVD has to lose the IC belt, and JBL must lose the US belt and gain the World Heavyweight Championship. If that's the plan, which it might not to be. I'm confused.
Big Show and Kane went to a no-contest
I suppose technically Show gets DQ'd for using the chair, but that's the result I'm given. Unless it turns out that some wrestler is playing with the lights and the sound system to make the "May 19th" crap, this isn't going to end up making a lick of sense. Not that it really ever did.
Vince and Shane defeated Shawn Michaels and "God" with help from the Spirit Squad
In a match which apparently destroyed Larry's will to live. Shame on you, WWE. Now we're going to have to have stupid videos of Larry trying to kill himself for weeks on end. Anyway, from the play-by-play, this sounded like pure idiocy, stretched over twenty minutes, and I'll bet live it wasn't much better.
John Cena pinned Triple H with a jacknife roll-up to retain the WWE Championship
Every PPV that Cena escapes with the belt causes infinite amusement for me, the last remaining male fan that he has. I mock you all with your Cena hate! Can't you see that he is indestructible? Bow before the power of the eternal WWE Champion!
Anyway, let's see...two good matches, two 5-minutes or less specials, two DQ endings, and whatever the hell the Vince/Shane-Shawn/God match was supposed to be. Yeah, I feel pretty safe in not recommending that you pick up the replay of this.
Around The Horn
Jim Ross called Backlash last night, and it's very possible he'll be reinstated as Raw announcer tonight, thus making several months of storyline from last year pointless. Not that I'm hugely shocked or anything, but somebody has to point it out. Anyway, this frees up Joey Styles to call the new ECW brand.
Ah yes, the new ECW brand. The newsbites were jumping last week with all sorts of bits and pieces about what the new ECW will be like. There is confirmation (well, as close as we can get) that ECW will be replacing Velocity, in the hopes of later getting it a one-hour slot on USA. The possibility exists that WWE AM Raw will become the ECW show, most likely in a different time slot. Many ECW alumni have been offered one-year contracts with two-year rollover clauses, the most recognizable of which is Sabu, who just wrestling at TNA Lockdown last week. Also, while Vince is behind much of the idea, he is resisting the idea of a separate day of tapings for ECW, due to costs involved. All this amounts to the fact that ECW, in some form, is coming back as close to legitimately as is possible, being entirely booked and run by Paul Heyman, only this time, the funds from WWE aren't secret. ECW with money...the possibilities are endless.
Early rumours are surfacing that JBL will be defeating Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight title, in order to face RVD at One Night Stand. There is already some confirmation that JBL-Mysterio is the main event for Judgement Day. Which kind of proves how week-to-week the Smackdown main event scene has become. Angle's broken ribs can't help, either. More on that in the injury list.
From the offices of the Brock Watch, Brock Lesnar and WWE have settled their lawsuit and all appears to be hunky-dory. Terms were not discussed, but one would assume that TNA can't touch him with a twenty foot pole. What's Brock going to do now? Why, he's going to Disney World! Oh wait, he can't do that, the whole twenty foot pole thing. Okay, then he's going to marry Sable and do some MMA fighting in Japan! Which is like Disney World, without the giant guy in the mouse costume.
Hogan Knows Best has been picked up for a third season, which is good news for Larry, at least. Is Hogan really that overprotective, or is his daughter really just that easy? Only Hogan knows for sure! Well, Hogan and the several boyfriends that she's had already in a season and a half of the show.
And before I leave this segment, WWE.com posted last week that Hardcore Holly is fighting to keep his arm and his life due to a serious staph infection. While Holly's wrestling "exploits" are well documented, the seriousness of his situation requires the very best of human kindness. I would like to extend my own personal sympathies to Bob Holly and his family and friends in this tumultuous period of their life, and wish him a quick and complete recovery.
The Injury Bug Bites
Inactive List as of 04.24.06
WWE
- Ashley, RAW, out two months as of February 20 (broken leg)
- Batista, SD!, out indefinitely as of January 13 (triceps injury)
- Chris Jericho, out indefinitely (kayfabe, fired)
- Eric Bischoff, RAW, out indefinitely as of December 5, 2005 (kayfabe, fired)
- Gregory Helms, SD!, out four to six weeks as of March 15th (nasal surgery)
- Hardcore Holly, SD!, out indefinitely (arm)
- Ken Kennedy, SD!, out six months as of December 5, 2005 (torn lat muscle)
- Randy Orton, SD!, out a minimum of 60 days as of April 12, 2006 (suspension)
- Rene Dupree, RAW, out indefinitely as of September 20 (hernia)
- The Boogeyman, SD!, out four months as of April 2 (torn biceps)
- Val Venis, RAW, out 6-8 weeks as of April 3 (shoulder surgery)
TNA
- Andy Douglas, TNA, out indefinitely (kayfabe, Steiner-related injury)
- Austin Aries, TNA, out two months as of February (suspension)
- Jeff Hardy, TNA, out indefinitely (informal suspension)
- Monty Brown, TNA, day-to-day as of March 18th (knee surgery)
Transactions
- Gregory Helms, SD!, returned to action last week on Smackdown
I think. My memory is fuzzy. He's doing the house show circuit, anyway, losing to Gunner Scott on the European tour, so I'd say he's back in action.
- Kurt Angle, SD!, out indefinitely as of April 29 (cracked ribs)
When even WWE itself is blaming Mark Henry, I'd suggest he should be well on his way out the door. Seriously, Batista was an accident, but twice is starting a dangerous pattern. But hey, gotta justify that contract with main event pushes, doncha know.
Some questions being thrown around if this is a work, but I doubt they'd screw up their King of the Ring tournament like that just to work the Internet.
- Trish Stratus, RAW, day-to-day as of April 30 (dislocated shoulder)
This may explain the shortened nature of the match with Mickie. If it's not too bad, expect Trish to be on light work duty for a few weeks. Otherwise, surgery may come into play, which is not so bad, since there's three months until the next Raw PPV.
One Year Ago This Experience
Originally posted 05.02.05, and man...I was writing short columns at this point. Seriously, why didn't anyone tell me how much I was sucking by then? Fortunately, eventually ECW One Night Stand got me all juiced up for wrestling again, a high which has managed to last for a while. And hey, look, it worked so well that they're doing another one, AND reviving ECW as it's own entity. You know, WCW was theoretically the number two wrestling organization in North America up to it's demise, but you sure don't hear people wanting it to ever come back like this. Then again, with Impact this week set to feature Scott Steiner, Sting, Jeff Jarrett, and Kevin Nash, maybe...nah, I'll stay away from this line of thought.
Anyway, some cool points from this column, to prove the psychic power of myself and people who read my stuff, as I call Trip turning on Flair and feuding out of the main event, Hogan's "one more match" being total BS, and a reader who wanted to see Haas and Benjamin feuding on Raw. Truly, I and my readers are higher forms of life.
Links For Fun and Nonprofit
As mentioned, Larry has live coverage of Backlash, and Dunn will have the Breakdown soon I expect.
Small and Boman keep you up to speed on the news on the weekend.
Boman has a very masculine edition of the Pin is Mightier.
Alex, Shawn, and David have the Triple Threat, JP and JT have Hidden Highlights, and Sat and Rajah have High Road/Low Road. See what I mean about multi-person columns? I should get an award for my ability to write a column solo. With a cash prize.
Sullivan has a reader feedback edition of the Crystal Ball, and also looks at what might happen to TNA following a WWE-run ECW revival right here.
Carapola continues to look back at the GWF in That Was Then.
Ryan Frank looks at common wrestling cliches in Haven't We Seen This Before.
Michael Weyer Shines The Spotlight on your personal issues, and also Samoa Joe.
And what the hell, here's Larry's 3R's for last week, regular and Lockdown editions.
The Gab Bag
Fellow Waterloo resident and friend of the Experience Chad Smith noticed me talking about The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion last week and sent me a link to a mod that allows it to run better on my low-end computer than it does on my housemate's high-end one. Revenge is sweet. On that note, I have bad news: Oblivion is good. Like I didn't already have precious little free time.
And One To Go On
Mother's Day is in two weeks, folks, so you can't say you weren't warned. At least get her a card, people. Anyone who forgets now deserves whatever they get.
411 with have live Raw coverage starting tonight at 9pm EDT, with all the fallout from Backlash. Canadian viewers can relax, there's no hockey on TSN tonight. Larry will be in with the news tomorrow, I'll be back next week.
