MeeThinks 5.02.06: WWECW Reborn!

Posted by John Meehan on 05.02.2006

Is a new hardcore revolution at hand?

Methinks your looks are sad, your cheer appall'd:
Hath the late overthrow wrought this offence?
- Bastard of Orleans, King Henry VI, Part I
Act I, Scene II


MeeThinks: WWECW Reborn!
Is a new hardcore revolution at hand?

Hey all. Welcome to your weekly dose of positivity to break from the monotony of the typical IWC jaded fanboy swagger. Continued attempts to streamline this beast below, as this week we're talking all-things ECW (in 10,000 words or less, if I'm lucky!).

Here's the lowdown...

Since the announcement of the rebirth of the brand, the ‘net has been (pardon the slew of puns) "on fire" like a table in a Tommy Dreamer match – so it seems only fair that we'd break the issue down point-by-point this week to see if we can't kill off some of the ECW hate before this ball(z Mahoney) gets rolling (thunder?).


Our Story So Far…

Last week, it was announced that World Wrestling Entertainment would be re-debuting the ECW brand, and that Paul Heyman's pet project would take the place of WWE's Ohio Valley Wrestling developmental territory while the ECW brand gained weekly broadcast rights to the Velocity web show currently belonging to Smackdown.

Though an ECW-renaissance is a dream come true for many, there's more than a vocal handful of fans who have already begun to voice their displeasure with this development from the word "go." And, since ECW fans are probably the most vocal in wrestling history –it's probably only fair that their opponents be allowed just as much right to voice their opposition.

The arguments pretty much break down to one of four categories:

a) "Poor Ohio Valley Wrestling! What will become of the current crop of developmental guys like Elijah Burke, C.M. Punk and Aaron Stevens!?"

b) "The new ECW will obviously be forced to raid talent from TNA, Ring of Honor and the like – and those companies' rosters will be totally decimated in the process."

c) "A WWE-version of ECW will pale in comparison to the original company. This is just another example of Vince McMahon trying to milk a dead legacy for all it's worth just to turn a quick profit. It will never be the same, and WWE should just let the brand rest in peace."

d) "ECW was never really that great anyway. The product was oversold and criminally overrated, and its impact on the overall scope of professional wrestling is minimal at best. Their standby fare of garbage wrestling sucks, and it'd be just as well to let it remain dead and buried."


Alright – that's enough negativity for one week. Let's see if we can't break down these criticisms in a little column I like to call…


MeeThinks?

Since "streamlining" this epic has been my theme-du-jour for the past few weeks, I'm just going to go right on ahead and jump into a point-by-point rebuttal of each of the four major cases folks have made against reviving the ECW brand, as stated above.

Here goes…

Argument #1: Poor Ohio Valley Wrestling

You know, there's an old saying in the business that one should never be "penny wise to be pound foolish." Another old chestnut says one should never "cut off his nose to spite his face." And still another reads that you should always "see the forest for the trees."

In other words?

Each of the adages above basically warn folks not to be too short-sighted when dealing with issues of significant importance. This means…

Don't go around pinching your pennies while you're spending dollars left and right. (see: WCW).

Don't cut your nose off to prove a point to your face that you were angry. (see: Van Gogh, Ear).

Don't get too hung up worrying about each individual tree when there's an entire forest out there waiting to be explored. (see: George W. Bush; Axis of Evil and War on Terror, The).

And…

Don't go reviving OLD brands that died off half a decade ago at the sake of putting time and effort (and MONEY) into ensuring that you'll have something NEW to offer a few years down the line.

Not to sound flippant here, but to paraphrase John Cena – this is "basic Thuganomics Economics."

And being the savvy and entrepreneurial wrestling mogul that he is, I'll *assure* you that our man Vinny Mac knows this. Shutting down all of his developmental territories just so Sandman and Sabu can score a few years' worth of nostalgic garbage wrestling endorphins is simply *not* a smart business move for the future of your multi-million-dollar corporation. If you drop all kinds of cash into an ECW revival and you shut down your developmental territory in the process, then once all of your ECW vets come out of the game too banged up (or played out) to be of any use to your company in three or four years – then you've pretty well screwed yourself out of a future crop of main eventers.

But wait!

Vince *isn't* shutting down all of his developmental territories. In case anyone has forgotten already – just last year, WWE came to an agreement with a man by the name of Jody Hamilton to absorb his independent wrasslin' promotion and found themselves a training program known as Deep South Wrestling in its place. And with rumors that the ECW revival has apparently been in the works since last year's One Night Stand, you can *bet* that one serious reason why Vince & Company went about founding a second developmental league was because they knew full well that they'd be closing down their other "minor league" just one year later. And now, thanks to the Deep South wrestling territory – Vince could easily "close down" Ohio Valley (read: re-brand it under the ECW banner) and know in good faith that his other "minor league" is well in hand thanks to just about one year's worth of WWE supervision.

In short, the two-developmental-system idea was a brilliant business move. Thanks to the acquisition of Deep South Wrestling last year, WWE has given themselves a solid year to get the promotion up and running to their liking whilst they readied their other feeder program for a transition to the "new and improved (if only from a financial standpoint) ECW." Meanwhile, sending Heyman down to OVW midway through last year gave the company (and Paul E.) plenty of time to size up all of those "stars on the rise" that the promotion had to offer. And with a guy as hands-on as Heyman in charge of booking Ohio Valley for the past year's time, you could *bet* that the man has made sure to prime certain performers to make a smooth transition to the new ECW while he paid close attention to make sure that the rest of the herd would be well taken care of as they shuffled off to Deep South.

Now, will there be road bumps?

Absolutely.

"Learning the ropes" during roster realignments are a normal part of the growth and transition process of just about *EVERY* company restructuring. You move to a new job? You spend a week getting to know your new coworkers. You get a promotion into a bigger office? You spend a week setting up your filing system and making sure that nothing fell through the cracks along the way.

But with Heyman in place in OVW for almost a year, and with Deep South under close WWE supervision for just about the same amount of time – it's not like the company is simply starting everything over from ground zero, scrapping every existing protocol along the way and totally shooting themselves in the foot by some misguided (and short-sighted) business impulse (see: XFL, The). Quite on the contrary – the dual developmental programs (and Heyman's close workings with OVW) have laid a solid and well-devised groundwork to assure that this transition will be as smooth as possible. Some OVW guys that management feels are "almost" ready for the big time will undoubtedly land on the ECW roster, and others with a bit more left to work on will assuredly find themselves sent to brush up in Deep South. Heck – with a number of RAW and Smackdown performers likely to be finding their ways back to the ECW ranks (RVD, for one…), we might even get the chance to see some of the OVW vets making their way onto the "main" WWE roster and competing alongside the remaining RAW and Smackdown fellas.

In short?

It's a win, win, win.

A win for those OVW guys who go to the ECW brand to perform alongside of (and learn under the tutelage of) those hardcore legends like Sabu.

A win for those OVW guys who go to Deep South so that they can continue to hone and polish their skills on a smaller stage before being given the chance to shine in the company's spotlight.

And an obvious win for those OVW guys who get bumped up to the RAW and Smackdown rosters as the ECW brand gets help from some current WWE stars leaving those shows.

So to quote Coldplay…

"Don't Panic."

The Ohio Valley Wrestling roster will be just fine, folks.


Argument #2: The TNA/ROH Talent Raids

Of all of the arguments against an EVW revival, this one actually comes with the most credibility. But then again, "raiding" and "destroying" competitors is what put WWE on the map in the first place – so it's hardly a bad thing for *them* if their competition winds up on the short end of things, eh?

More on that in a second – but first…

Since WWE is looking to revive the ECW brand with as much ECW star-power as they can muster, this obviously means that they'll be tapping ECW alumni to try and get them to sign with the "new" ECW brand. We already saw WWE go after TNA's mainstay in Sabu, and it's only a matter of time before the message boards find themselves abuzz with news of the next WWE-raids-TNA signing. For many ECW alumni, this actually means that they will be able to find themselves a steady paycheck that does NOT involve playing bingo halls, dining on ramen noodles, and sleeping in the back of a Ford Taurus while shuttling to and from indy dates across the country. So for guys like Ballz Mahoney, Sandman, Blue Meanie and New Jack – the prospect of a newly-refounded ECW is probably looking like a dream come true.

For the rest of the ECW mainstays *not* currently under WWE employ (see: The Dudleys, Rhyno, Raven, etc.) – the rebirth of ECW will undoubtedly force them to choose between sticking with their current employer or simply swallowing their pride and going "back" to WWE-land (because even if it is under the ECW banner, the checks are still signed by Vince McMahon, ya know…). Undoubtedly, there will be some "old-timers" that simply can't resist the type of money that WWECW is bound to offer them (see: Sabu), and that means that these men's current employers have really got to bust ass to keep these folks happy and signed to comparable (if not entirely identical) contracts.

But -

This isn't to say that TNA should go about signing everybody on their roster to longterm contracts, mind you (cause we all know how well THAT worked for WCW) – it's a chance for employers like TNA and ROH to actually make the concerted effort to pay particular attention at giving worthwhile exposure to their homegrown stars (Abyss), up-and-comers (Lethal), and wasted talents (Sonjay) to make sure that these guys don't bail on them and try their fortunes in the greener pastures of WWECW (Samoa Joe, for one…).

If you think TNA is turning into 1998 WCW *now* by bringing in guys like Steiner, Sting, Buff and Lex – then just WAIT till the undercard realizes that there's money (and fame) to be made in an WWECW ring!

"But John," come the critics – "doesn't that sound like talent raiding? Isn't that a BAD thing?"

"Why?!" says I. Sure, it'll mean that things get a bit more cutthroat as performers tend to become increasingly paranoid about the staying power of "their spot" in the smaller companies. But then again (and UNLIKE the last days of WCW) – shorter-term contracts mean that those "old timers" (Steiner, Jarrett, etc.) should have every right *TO* stay worried about their "spot," and that without the comfort of a guaranteed paycheck for five year's time to fall back on, those performers will actually have to continue to bust ass on a weekly basis to prove that they're actually worth the spot they've been given. Because with undercarders being raided and/or bailing left and right – "old timers" can hardly afford to rest on their laurels if the company is to succeed.

Which, of course, begs the obvious -

"So what if companies like TNA get raided to the point where they can no longer succeed?!"

The answer, obviously – is this:

Vince can't raid TNA for *ALL* of its stars, and odds are that he has little interest in doing so (at least in the immediate future). Not to mention the fact that guys like Jarrett, Daniels and A.J. would probably never be caught dead in a WWE ring again (again, at least for the immediate future) – so it's up to TNA management to stay smart and keep their home-grown roster happy and well-promoted if they're going to keep those guys onboard.

In other words -

The "rebirth" of ECW should (hopefully) be the shot in the arm that forces TNA to wake up and realize that they can't go about making a company on the shoulders and merits of guys whose careers peaked a decade ago. No disrespect to the Stings, Bagwells and Lugers of the world (because they each have their place and could do wonders for the company if used properly), but TNA will simply have to clue-in that they're NOT going to "out-star-power" WWE- they simply need to outperform them. And if they're to succeed in that, then they should make sure to invest in the best performers and athletes that they can find. That means paying attention to the Sonjays, the Bentleys, the Samoa Joes and the Abysses of the world – and NOT simply by padding the main event scene with Dudleys, Outlaws, and WWE-jected Divas from yesteryear.

Again, if TNA is smart (as I believe they are) – the rebirth of ECW means the promise of talent raids. And the promise of talent raids will force them to protect their mid and undercard and work towards establishing *new* stars rather than relying on old ones, because the more they focus on old-timers at the sake of their new ones, the more those new ones will be likely to jump ship to the competition. And if WWE's ECW is on the prowl for talent (as you *know* they will be), then the more likely that TNA's undercard will be willing to consider the ‘E's offer if they feel like they're being underutilized.


Argument #3: With WWE's Funding, It'll Just be a Cheap Copy of the Original

This one always makes Mee laugh…

"WWE involvement will ruin the integrity of the original!"

Yet how many folks bought the last ECW pay per view?

And how many folks gobbled up the last few ECW DVD's (one of which is like the number two best-selling DVD in wrestling history)?

And HOW many critics were silenced when (gasp) – the WWE-marketed ECW actually did the product justice?

In other words –

WWE has botched plenty of business acquisitions, talent additions, and longterm storylines in the past (see: Invasion, The) – but one thing they *haven't* done to date is to offer a sub-par product that bears the initials of ECW. In fact, just about everyone out there will swear to it that the ‘E has actually done a pretty bang-up job in their limited-run ECW reunion projects (the DVDs, the PPV, etc.) – so before we go getting all bent out of shape over the fact that the ‘E is likely to "cheapen" things by their involvement with the ECW brand this time around, why don't we a) look to the company's past success with the ECW brand, and b) let things actually develop here before we write the thing off altogether.

"But John… having ties to a huge corporation like WWE will totally kill the underground, independent, "ballzy" appeal of what made ECW so great in the first place! I loves me my E-C-Dub, and I'd hate to see a cheap copy of it tarnish my memory of the thing!!!"

Sigh…

Look, folks –

You want your ECW? Then you'll just have to accept the fact that somebody *OTHER* than Paul Heyman will have to provide the financial backing for the project. Paul E. has repeatedly been called a "booking genius," but all of those same people will tell you that he belongs NOWHERE NEAR an accounting book. Kinda like Vince Russo needed somebody to reign in his whacked-out booking ideas, Paul E. needs somebody to keep a tight watch on his spending habits (as there's a good chance the guy STILL owes a few hundred grand to guys like Dreamer, Tazz and the Dudleys).

And –

The way I see things, Vince padding Paul E.'s payroll is hardly a "new" thing, you know; anybody with even the most basic knowledge of ECW (see: The Rise and Fall of ECW DVD) will tell you that McMahon helped float Heyman's company for most of the Monday Night Wars.

Now sure, the "big business" ties to the publicly-held WWE means that the new ECW might be a bit tamer than its predecessor as the McMahon family will have to account for every un-PC move that the new ECW can come up with (see: Raven, Crucifixion). But then again – a lot of the "shock TV" that ECW pioneered did, in retrospect, simply cross the line for the sake of doing so… so there's probably a pretty solid case to be made that there's simply no need to continue pushing the "shock value" button just for the sake of getting themselves noticed.

It's kind of like that Family Guy parody of Tom Green sucking milk out of the underside of a cow while desperately screaming "dear God can I stop now?!"

Simply put – audiences have become largely desensitized to much of the stuff that made our jaws drop to the floor ten years ago (see: Ladder matches, frequency of). Sure, there's plenty of holdouts who still get a kick out of hearing Howard Stern talk about some stripper's chest or from watching Bam Margera take a header into a Port-a-John, but by and large – it's pretty much a case of "been there, done that" and most of us have come around to the fact that it's gonna' take a *LOT* more than it used to in order to register on our "shock value" scale.

Plus –

The fact of the matter is that while sure, ECW boasted plenty of blood, gore (GORE! GORE!) and violence – "garbage wrestling" wasn't the only thing that the product had to offer. Sure, they were "pushing the envelope" with the shock television, the edgy storylines and the blood-drenched brawls, but let's not forget that ECW also was the training grounds for much of America's revitalized appreciation for lucha libre and balls-to-the-wall technical wrestling. (More on this in the segment below, but) – it wasn't just tables, ladders and chairs – ECW was also about suicide planchas, superior technical performers, and some kickass submissions.

Now, with a good ten years' worth of buffer between "the fall of ECW" and "the rise" – perhaps it's not the worst thing in the world that the public ties of WWE will force ECW to find new and creative ways to push the envelope without simply resorting to blood-drenched garbage wrestling.

And besides –

With guys like Heyman, Dreamer, RVD, Joey Styles, SABU and the rest onboard from the get-go – how "non-ECW" can we really expect the brand get, anyways? Sure, we fans like to hold the promotion close to our hearts… but those guys literally shed their blood for the company's legacy. If anybody would know "when to say when" in terms of knowing that the brand might only be a cheap copy of the original, I'd totally trust their judgment over that of a slew of Philadelphia-area wrestling fans with ringside tickets, Hawaiian Shirts, neat-o hats and foul-mouthed chants.

As for that last argument…


Argument #4: "ECW was never really that great anyway. Garbage wrestling sucks, and the product should stay dead and buried.

If you're *honestly* still of that mindset to believe that all the ECW brand had to offer was a slew of chairshots and hardcore schmozzes… you should seriously strap your furniture to the floors from here on out – because the rest of this column is gonna' rock your little world.

Thanks to ECW, North American wrestling inherited…

The "attitude" that inspired the "Attitude Era." Looking to keep up with Ted Turner's deep pockets, WWE tapped ECW's "attitude" and edginess to give their product a much-needed shot in the arm. That means you can thank ECW for things like dX, The Ministry of Darkness, The Rock, the Nation of Domination, Hell in a Cell, The (New) Hart Foundation, Austin/McMahon, etcetera, etcetera…

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin, the beer-swelling, middle-finger waving, take-no-prisoners redneck champion on a rampage. Without The Sandman, there'd have been no Austin – even Vince himself will tell you that. And without ECW, there'd have been no Sandman. So again we see that the company was more than just "garbage wrestling."

Speaking of wrestling influences…

The North American lucha libre renaissance. Without ECW's luchadores, there'd have been no WCW cruiserweights. That means you can thank ECW for introducing you to folks like Rey Misterio Jr., Psichosis, Juventud Guerrera, Ultimo Dragon, Jushin "Thunder" Liger, Tenzan, Mil Mascaras, Super Calo, La Parka, and Villano's IV, V and VI…

And let's not forget…

The technical experts that put "little guy" wrestlers squarely in the main event radar. Following in the footsteps of those smaller but more athletic performers like Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels before them, the ECW spotlight was handed to technical wrestlers who compensated for lack of size with their increased ability to deliver the proverbial "***** mat classic." So you can thank ECW for introducing North America to guys like Chris Benoit, Eddy Guerrero, Dean Malenko, Taz, Chris Jericho and so many more.

And while we're talking talent…

Let's also remember that ECW was the battlefield from which so many of the "major acquisitions" to the "Big Two" were drawn. These ECW alums made for a huge chunk of the talent raids that made the Monday Night Wars so damned exciting for the better part of three years. Sure, the then-WWF was reimbursing Heyman for the guys they were "stealing" (like Foley, Tazz, The Dudleys, Raven, Lita and the rest of the bunch) – but the period was rife with new faces and new drama as WCW likewise raided the ECW ranks for performers like Raven, Chris Jericho, Dean Malenko, Chris Benoit, Eddy Guerrero, Shane Douglas, Saturn, Stevie Richards, Sandman, and countless others.

Oh yeah, and…

You can also thank ECW for blurring the lines between traditional "good" and "bad" characters, breaking down the "cartoonish" New Generation of wrasslin' plumbers, garbage men and rejected hockey players, and introducing the wrestling world to the antihero while embracing the outspoken response of so many wrestling fans. So if you were ever a fan of Steve Austin, the new World order, degeneration X, Raven, Sting, Samoa Joe or so many others like them – kindly pay your regards to ECW.

So, to summarize…

ECW was *far* more than just flaming tables and barbed wire baseball bats. The product came loaded with well-crafted storylines, three-dimensional "tweener" characters, a rabid fanbase and a platform for smaller wrestlers to shine. While it always pushed the envelope with violence and shock television, the brand also offered fans fast-paced and technically superior athletic contests and the chance to break out of the traditional "heel versus face" mentality as storylines became more intriguing and performers became more three-dimensional.

Yes, a revived ECW will be playing by "WWE rules" – but given the experience (and product appreciation) of so many of the men involved from the ground level, fans shouldn't despair that we'll be staring at a "cheap imitation" or a "dead horse." Not to mention the fact that this reborn "third brand" (even if it is in a limited scope) offers new performers the chance to shine while demanding that competitors step up their performance (and employers churn out better material in order to keep their employees happy), and we're looking at plenty of potential for the rebirth of Extreme.

In short?

Even if it is operating under the confines (and financial support) or a "big corporation" like World Wrestling Entertainment, all of the pieces are in place (original talent, financial support, marketing frenzy, etc.) to make sure that the re-launch can succeed where past attempts (see: Invasion, The) had failed.

WWE-icized or no, ECW is on its way back – and the hardcore revolution is about to begin all over again.

Let's give it a chance, eh?


Agree? Disagree?

"Methinks it sounds a parley to provocation!"
- Iago, Othello
Act II, scene iii


Shoot Mee YourThinks and I'll post your thoughts next week!

In the meantime…


The Unofficial Glossary of Professional Wrestling: Volume XXII

We're compiling a massive Wrestling Glossary of fan observations of the clichés, trends, and standbys of the wrestling world that might as well serve as the unofficial "rulebook" for this sport we all love so well. Each week, I'll post one an entry of my own as well as a few submitted by you, my faithful (and hopefully articulate) readers.

It's simple, really. You submit an entry, I add it to the Glossary, and you get the credit.

This week's entries…

The Continuity Vortex
In the world of professional wrestling, there exists a massive void that is able to render all logical explanation null and void. This phenomenon is known as "The Continuity Vortex," and much like a rift in time is able to suck one from one state of being to another almost instantaneously, the Vortex is able to change, modify, rewrite or completely overhaul any and all existing storylines and character development at well (see: Ross, Jim – rehiring as RAW's lead announcer). And, in the words of Marge Simpson, once a performer's jump from one company to another, or any and all storylines, characters or angles has been sucked into this Vortex, it is widely accepted practice that all involved persons will agree to the credo of "let us never speak of this again." As such, when heels become faces – all of their mischievous deeds and underhanded tactics are instantly forgiven. The existence of this Vortex also explains the inexplicable lack of continuity between characters that previously had partnerships or otherwise-explained familial relations, as is found in the case JBL/Orlando Jordan, Undertaker/Orlando Jordan, Undertaker/Kane, Edge/Christian, Edge/Just about anyone that he had programs with as part of a tag team, and the general memory span of The Entire WWE Creative Team.
- Caleb "BigDaddy" Smith, with Don Del Grande

The Law of Compromising Positions
When a wrestler has a signature maneuver that requires his opponent to be in an unusual and unlikely position, his opponent will always end up in this position at some point over the course of their match, even though nobody would normally falls this way in any match not involving said wrestler (see: Booker T, Axe Kick; Tajiri, Tarantula, etc.). If the wrestler fails to successfully execute his signature maneuver, contrary to incredible statistical odds, the opponent is likely to end up in the position a second time. A corollary to this law states that when inappropriate, laughable or hotly denied sexual tension exists between a wrestler and a second party, such as a tag-team partner, a valet or Mae Young, the wrestler is likely to fall in a way that simulates oral sex with the second party.
- Chris Elsinore

The Evil Heel Ref Conundrum
If and when an evil character (see: Eric Bischoff, etc.) is named the special referee for a match, the only "evilness" that comes out is when he administers the "fast count" in favor of the heel and when he permits the "slow count" for an illegal choke or maneuver. This seems to run in contrast with true evilness, however – for if the referee was all powerful (and evil to boot), then it stands to reason that an evil referee could call for the bell and award the match to the heel at any point during the match, perhaps by erroneously citing that the face submitted or was disqualified due to excessive blood loss (despite the lack of any apparent wounds).
- Chris Morciglio

The Inexplicable Law of Equality
No matter what situation Triple H may find himself in, be it a 1-on-1 match or a 2-on-1 beat down of an opponent (see: Triple H & Mr. McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels, RAW 3/27/06), should Triple H pull out a sledgehammer, mathematically challenged announcers (see: Coachman, Jonathan) will ALWAYS refer to the sledgehammer as "The Great Equalizer," despite the fact that the addition of the sledgehammer in fact often nullifies all existing equality of a situation and/or further exacerbates said inequality in Triple H's favor.
- Matt Rawlik

The Heel/Face Acceptability Double Standard
It is a well-known fact that a cheap shot from a heel to a face will elicit a negative crowd reaction. As heels are universally despised, even the most rudimentary of illegal maneuvers (e.g. – an eye-poke) is sure to garner a predominantly negative response. However, should the tides turn and the heel find himself on the receiving end of a cheap shot, the exact opposite response is almost assured to occur. When a face uses a so-called "cheap shot" on a heel, the crowd will inexplicably cheer wildly as the villain "gets a taste of his own medicine." Should a face go as far as to take things a step further to the point of KICKING the heel in the grapefruits (see: Mysterio, Rey and Orton, Randy) or to the level of hitting with his opponent with a title belt after spitting in his face (see: Orton, Randy and HHH), the reaction from the crowd will be nothing but pleasant.
-Fab Ric

The Twisting Law of Turnbuckle Physics
Anytime a performer is Irish whipped into a turnbuckle, the force field emanating from the turnbuckle will cause them to automatically twist so that they will turn around and hit it with their back. There has only been one individual who has successfully conquered this rule – Bret Hart. Through sheer guts and determination, The Hitman was able to overpower the incredible twisting force of the turnbuckle, and thus he was able to collide with them at full force in a chest-first-approach, impact be damned. Honorable mention goes to Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair who have long put up valiant fights against this Twisting Law of Physics, even to the point of finding themselves upside-down upon impact. But even they can't beat it.
-Billy7

Nicely done, all! Keep those entries coming! And we'll do it again next week!

Now then, onto the rest of the feedback…


YouThinks Reader Mail

Lots of good stuff this week, so I'll keep my comments to a minimum, jump right into the letters and let y'all have the floor!

Funny e-mail link of the week - CDX Backyard Wrestling. Gotta love the candy cane beatdown...

(As always, reader feedback is greatly appreciated, so shoot Mee YourThinkson this week's debate for next time!)

We'll start with 411's esteemed recapper emeritus, Alex Obal, who's got plenty to say and who didn't quite see eye to eye with Mee on last week's column:

"Is it more "insulting" then watching The Undertaker "come back from the dead" after countless burials, flaming caskets, kamikaze low-riders, and the rest?"

Yes. A million times yes.

The "burial plot" is the floor - the stage is always right beside it. WWE has never felt a need to even insinuate that Buried Alive losers are gone forever, though some characters with psycho gimmicks may have. Lowriders need more than 10 meters to accelerate enough to actually cause serious whiplash. Wrestlers are tough, and the Deadman is the toughest one there is, bar none. And certainly WWE knows it needs customized caskets for its casket matches that allow the loser to last for a couple of minutes without being cooked before stagehands put the fire out, in the very likely event that the winner decides to celebrate by lighting the casket on fire. We all saw Royal
Rumble '98. And clearly, if there's one thing WWE does well, it's learning from history. So, ya see, every Undertaker resurrection since 2003 has been plausible.

On a related note that doesn't really disagree with your point but is much more comparable to God's run-in than Taker's resurrections: The Undertaker's paranormal phenomena and "mind games" have easy, plausible explanations. You can suspend disbelief. When Undie knows his opponent is going to be in the ring and ripe for the picking, he gets a hold of someone behind the scenes, either using his backstage stroke (which he does have in the kayfabe world) or a friend who works there, and plans well-timed explosions, creepy videos, blackouts, music, successful attempts at car thefts, whatever.

Need to get inside Kane's head? Tell the technicians not to light the ringposts on fire for him. Maybe dump some water on him on his way out too. Kane's leading off the show with a nasty promo? Turn off the lights and send in the Acme Hydraulic Lifts under the ring to freak him out. Randy Orton's donating a check to my retirement fund? Rig it with pyro. Orton's sick of me? Turn the lights out after his match, put pyros at every single exit and light 'em up as you see fit, and give me a booming voiceover to challenge him to a big Hell in a Cell match when he comes crawling back to the ring.

Undie isn't the Lord of Darkness; he's just really, really smart, he knows his Deadman persona is an enormous advantage, and he loves overblown melodramatic stuff. That, and his opponents are really, really stupid. The lightning bolts are just a nice postproduction touch to make the blasts look cool when they air. Ever seen Undertaker call for a lightning bolt during a match? Of course not. He'd get disqualified! The point is that once you start feuding with him, the Undertaker sets you up and psyches you out, and if you don't get it, he has you beat a month before the bell rings. That's all he does. He has no super powers. He is just in complete control of everything.

Which brings me to this past week, when God saved Shawn Michaels from a beating at the hands of Vince and a chair.

Vince spontaneously books Jamal vs Shawn Michaels three minutes before it happens. Match goes on for a while. Shawn lines up the superkick, interrupted by Vince and Armando. Jamal catches Shawn in the tree of woe and promptly murders him with a bunch of diving headbutts. Brilliant finish.

(And really, they should've just let him get the pin. Why not? Anything can happen in the WWF, and what harm can come from establishing that if Jamal gets you in the tree of woe, you're f-i-n-i-s-h-e-d? Makes his matches more exciting, no? Shawn got screwed and immediately fell victim to horrifically bad luck afterward. Headbutts from a big Samoan guy to a guy hanging upside down are just about the most convincing possible finish. Certainly more believable than the FU. There's no shame in losing like that.)

Anyway, Shawn's dead. Vince ties him up in the ropes and heads back out to grab a chair.

So now someone keeps Vince at bay by smiting down the corners with thunderbolts, and blowing up the stage when he leaves.

Whodunit?

Can't be Shawn, unless he voluntarily took a shitkicking at the hands of Jamal just to make this point to Vince, and hatched this plan in a span of three minutes starting the second he heard about his match, and knew Vince would dillydally before finishing him off.

So is it WWE's newest signing, God? If WWE is playing this straight and saying that God is actually blowing stuff up from Heaven to give His pal Shawn a hand, it's incredibly "insulting." Perhaps on a moral level - I'll leave that one up to the philosophers - but definitely on a practical level.

Suppose God can blow up the corners whenever He wants. He might be able to do more damage, but we know He can definitely do that much. Now, Vince and Shane are facing Shawn in an effective handicap match, but the odds are rigged against them. The second either McMahon steps away from the middle of the ring, he risks death! God, as a legal man, can blow any corner up at will without being disqualified. Hell, Shawn is two Irish whips into the corner away from the easiest victory ever. And I believe Shawn and God can't lose: God is everywhere, so He can blindly tag in and out whenever Shawn is in any kind of danger. Shawn cannot be pinned or made to submit if it isn't a tornado match. If it is one, then if either McMahon is on the mat looking at the lights for three seconds, God wins via pinfall.

Is any of that actually going to come into play? Of course not. So that would mean God isn't really trying. But He's apparently really mad at Vince for founding his own religion. But unless Vince is fried within 60 seconds of the opening bell, God is clearly stopping short of using all the means at
His disposal to beat Vince up. So that makes no sense.

And if God likes this wrestling thing, who's to say He won't interfere on Shawn's behalf once HBK starts gunning for the world title again?

The whole premise is staggeringly dumb. You can't even pretend to take this angle seriously.

I love Wrestlecrap. I think dumb in smallish doses is a Very Good Thing. This angle is good, sadistic, watching-a-train-wreck fun. This is the kind of thing that got me into wrestling in the first place, and Vince the performer is doing a great job with it. But if you're a purist, and you tell me you're insulted, or if you're devoutly religious and you tell me you're offended, can I argue? I definitely can if you try to take that side of harmless Undertaker silliness.

So in summary, the Undertaker has nothing on WWE's God in the lame department. You can suspend disbelief during Undertaker's parlor tricks. But you can't do it during God's, unless there is in fact a character acting on behalf of God. I have a few suspects in mind.

If this match goes on last, God will eventually turn out to be HHH. Book it.

That is all.

-obal

Thanks for writing, Alex. Since you pretty well spelled out each of your disagreements here (and we're pretty well at odds, judging by my last column's point-by-point refutation of the same), just three quick points to consider to wrap this up:

1) Don't let the angle bug you, dude – it's our standard "Vince McMahon (the character) is a whacked-out power-tripper" 101. What's more insulting? Having a delusional McMahon need an excuse for the handicap match, or having some guy dressed as "God" coming out and mocking the Almighty just for the sake of a crappy payoff? The ‘E didn't go the whole nine yards into outright blasphemy territory, so no harm, no foul. Besides, the "faulty pyrotechnics" explanation (lame as it was) pretty well explains away all "supernatural" phenomena and assures us that Vince's character is just as far-fetched-but-explainable as the Dead Man's.

2) Nobody's taking this angle seriously, and I think you and I pretty well agree on it that you'd have to be a fool to believe otherwise. As such, I say just enjoy it for what it is. Crappy? Perhaps, but hardly insulting. And from a WrestleCrap perspective – this one is up there with the YETAYY in my book.

3) Sadly, Backlash wrapped up without that Trips/Shawn reunion (just yet). But with Trips getting crazy face pops and Michaels teasing the dX spots for some months now, I wouldn't be shocked in the least to see that happen sooner than later. After all, Hunter's sort of tapped out for the main event heel status for the time being (after losing two months in a row) – so a dX reformation couldn't hurt to keep the guy fresh.

Switching gears, at least a few readers agreed with MeeThinks from last time. Take Ben, for example…

Hey man. Great column. I think you described the reasoning behind the angle based on Mcmahon's character, excellently, and i think you're right that the payoff of the feud will probably redeem it in everyone's eyes.

My own felling, however, is that the angle is a good idea and often funny, but hasn't been pulled off as well as it could have been. I love anything that questions religion in a funny intelligent way, the more blasphemous the better, and playing up Shawn's religiosity has always been humorous to me, but the angle is given too much time and Mcmahon who's mic work is the greatest ever, has seemed a little off point lately, perhaps because he isn't getting the kind of instant reaction(heat or laughter) that he expects, or maybe he's been writing all his own stuff and is a little slower with ideas these days.

The main difference between South park and Raw is that South Park is much better written. They know how to be over the top intelligently and keep their controversial jokes fresh and entertaining. As I said, some of the Mcmahon/God segments are really funny, especially particular lines. The holy water spitting, the product of his semen, the whole concept of God being Michaels partner, The Mcmahons' promo at wrestlemania, and the whole idea that the Mcmahons never went to church or were religious at all, despite the fact that the large majority of their customers are very religious- are all really funny things.

But many gags are not well enough executed and fall flat. Mcmahon's ten commandments were not very clever and neither were the photoshop pictures. The immaculate pyro was pretty damn stupid. If the angle didn't get so much time, or more time was given to Shawn's side, I think it would help, except I think they want to distance Shawn from what Mcmahon's doing, so that people don't start to question HBK's faith, for even being part of the angle(as they probably should.) Anyway, we'll see how it plays out.

btw – I would accept Sid dressed as God at Backlash. He is the "master and the ruler of the world," you know!

peace.

-Ben

Good points all around, Ben. The Sid payoff would have been a kick, but alas – not to be, and instead we had ourselves a good old fashioned two-on-one.

I think you're absolutely right about Vince playing things up for a laugh, and when they fall flat he's simply finding himself with a live mic in his hand and ten minutes' worth of TV time left to kill as the bit runs its allotted course. You're spot-on that the ‘E simply needs to churn out tighter and more snappy writing if they're going to want these angles to work. But then again, most weekly live television shows have all felt their weight, at times (see: SNL) – so it's hardly a problem that's exclusive to World Wrestling Entertainment.

Now sure, the ‘E could have stopped or improvised any of those vignettes on the spot to make them run a bit shorter – but outside of the church vignette, the rest were performed live and so it could've made for a bit of a cluster just to slap together another match (or add five minutes to a match that was already scripted in advance) with very little notice. That's dying days of WCW bad, and even if the Vince vs. God segments fell flat – I'd much rather see those than be forced to watch a thrown-together matchup just because the company panicked and needed to kill dead air.

First-time contributor Kevin from Scotland sides with Ben and Mee on this one, but for very different reasons:

I personally have no time for religions or overly religious people, and it's because of the people who follow these religions.

You couldn't have put it any better, the hypocrites just keep showing themselves up. It's fine to laugh and make fun of everyone else's beliefs but as soon as someone makes a joke about 'your' religion it's almost considered to be a crime.

In this day and age surely people should be able to look past these pathetic differences, I still can't believe that so many people are offended when religions are questioned. I'm not sure on your religious standpoint, but think of this...

We used to believe the world was flat, that was eventually disproved...
We used to believe that the sun rotated around us, and we were wrong...
We used to believe that there was nothing outside of our world, that it was just the Earth. Thanks to scientists we now know that our planet is a mere grain of sand in a never ending desert...
Yet the oldest of our beliefs, (and probably the most unbelievable) religion still strongly dictates the way our world runs.

I've watched wrestling for as long as I can remember and I've seen a lot of people get mad about certain storylines. personally until the day Vince goes out on national tv, singles me out and calls me an asshole, I couldn't care less...

The WWE isn't doing anything wrong, in fact they're doing just what they planned...They're getting media coverage and getting a lot of people hyped up for Backlash, which i'm sure plenty of people will watch just to see Vinnie Mac get his ass kicked.

I don't mean to offend religious people with what i've said, just defending those who really don't care either way. The fact is I don't mind religious people, if you believe in something and it makes your life better then great, but don't go around forcing your views on people...and if something offends you think hard about all the times you've laughed at someone poking fun at other races/religions before declaring war.

...Sorry for focusing more on the religion part than the wrestling, and that last part wasn't aimed at you, but to people out there who claim to be offended by something that is meant purely as entertainment, it's all just in fun.

...Kev, from Scotland...

PS. The Bret Hart column was great, I still say Bret is the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be.

Thanks for writing, Kev. As far as my personal believes about religion go – you could pretty well sum up my stance on stuff by checking out my personal website, but I'll leave things at that for the time being. As Mother Theresa famously said when talking about how one should go about doing mission work, "first we feed them, then we clothe them, then – IF THEY ASK – we tell them about God."

Regardless, your point is well taken about folks taking free reign to slam on other faiths while getting all bent out of shape when the tides are turned (see: Hayes, Isaac). If one is fair game, then all are. And if you've ever told, laughed at or repeated a joke about somebody else's race, color, religion or lifestyle – then you've got absolutely no right to be upset when somebody turns the tables on you. If it's ok to poke fun at one, then it's ok to poke fun at ALL. And if it's *not* ok to poke fun at yours, then you should make every concerted effort not to find yourself laughing at the expense of lifestyles, faiths and ethnic backgrounds other than your own.

Speaking of different faiths, Andrew Blumberg chimes in on behalf of the chosen people:

Meehan,

The problem I have with Mr. McMahon inserting God into a wrestling match is not about taking offense. I'm Jewish, and it doesn't offend me to see Vince spitting holy water or photoshopping himself at the Last Supper. The issue I have is that this is yet another case of shock value for the sake of shock value, and rampant stupidity. This is where the WWE crosses the line from winking at the audience to ludicrous implausibility. I can accept McMahon "secretly" scheming as if the cameras weren't there, I can accept that a bump on the noggin from a belt can leave a man unconscious, and I can accept that grabbing the ropes adds an additional twenty pounds of pressure to a pin. However, I cannot stretch my suspension of disbelief to include The Undertaker summoning lightning from the top of the arena, the audience being able to hear the voices in Kane or Hogan's heads that those in the immediate vicinity cannot, or the almighty himself caring enough about Shawn Michaels to instigate a "pyrotechnic malfunction" to protect him from Vince. There is a fine line between going along with the show and being asked to accept the ridiculous for no good reason. Yes the angle is distasteful, but more importantly it's pointlessly distasteful. Is the Mr. McMahon character so played out that the only way he can garner heat is to insult people's religion?

It's somewhat unfair to completely deride the angle until we have seen the payoff. Even so, when a wrestling show goes outside the bounds of escapism and into fantasy, my last temptation is to change the channel.

Happy Trails,
-Andrew Blumberg

Nicely put, Andrew. Love the "last temptation" pun at the end, too. See Obal? I'm not the only one who thinks that McMahon/God and Taker's powers are two sides to the same coin!

Semi-regular Manu Bumb had this to say:
"d) yes, it's an insult to fans' intelligence if we're actually expected to believe that God Himself will be donning a pair of wrasslin' trunks and laying the smackdown on the McMahon family.

But nobody's honestly expecting somebody to come out dressed up as "God," now are they?? "

Well....there were rumors a couple weeks back of Vince bringing back Mordecai (seperate from this angle), and I could see Vince tweaking his character to make him "god" instead of an angel. Having him turn heel on hbk, and being vince's puppet, I could see that too.

That brings up a good point - this feud doesn't help anyone, and, other than the matches, its been fairly uninteresting. If, down the line, this feud results in Mordecai (if they bring him back, and get behind him, or someone else in that role) getting over, then it would accomplish something. I'm not saying he should wrestle shawn one month after his debut, because that would flop, but if "god" takes shawn out for a while, moves up the card (in a logical manner, not shooting straight up to main event long before its deserved) with vince as his manager, and shawn comes back to get retribution, it might work.

As for why people get so pissed when vince mocks "our" god...well, we are still one nation under a christian god. it'll change eventually, but hasn't yet.

Is it possible that jesus has returned to us in the form of a komodo dragon, as a tribute to Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat? ya never know...

PS – "Ask yourself – what's more *personal* to Shawn Michaels (the character) and Michael Higgenbottom "

Hickenbottem...

- Manu Bumb

Whoops! Thanks for the edit, Manu. And as far as the "payoff" to this angle goes – maybe we can all take solace in the fact that Vince's screwing with Shawn's faith will lead to the "HBK of Old" finding himself working alongside of his old running buddy in Triple H – only this time, it'll be Hunter bringing out the "wild side" of HBK, while Michales teaches Trips how to be an antihero "rebel" while still being a "good guy" at heart along the way. A difficult angle to pull off, I know – but could be a great storyline if they do it right.

John Jones seems to agree…

Hi there, I read your last article on the McMahon-GOD controversy and wanted to put in my thoughts.

I've been watching wrestling for going on 17 years now and am surprised no one has reported this happening. With the Degeneration X chants becoming overwhelming in Michaels AND Triple H matches...could we see Triple H be HBK's partner at Backlash? He is self-proclaimed "King of Kings". I think it would be a great new program with the original D-X knocking off the McMahons and then their new goons (Edge and Cena, who we all know is heading for a heel turn sooner rather than later).

I could be wrong, but it will do two things if I'm right. 1) give a much needed boost to the Raw product and 2) save Vince's ass by steering the angle away from the religious aspects. Just my two cents.

- John Jones

Thanks for writing, John. Looks like you might have spoken too soon about the Backlash pairing – but I wouldn't count out a dX reunion just yet. And you're right, if McMahon conscripts Cena and Edge to be his new "corporate goons" in the same mold as he used The Rock and Mick Foley some years ago, it could actually do a great deal to give *everyone* the rub while tweaking a variant of a storyline that could still have some pretty good mileage to be had from it (again, if done properly).

Andy Hallen loves the "good old days," but when it comes to new stuff however – he isn't so sold.

I read your column about Vince McMahon's religious stuff. I don't see why people would be making a fuss about it. Vince is just some scary looking, dimple-chinned, burnt as a crisp, ‘roided old man that does what he wants and I'm surprised he didn't do this angle back in the Attitude era. Didn't the Beatles even say they were bigger than Jesus?

I can honestly say that after last year's Wrestlemania I stopped watching and won't ever turn them back on. I can't stand Vince McMahon as a person, a character or whatever. Maybe I can't separate the character from the person, but I really think they're pretty much one in the same. I'm tired of the WWE version of wrestling history; the people "they" want to be their main event talent (John Cena, Randy Orton, Triple H, Chris Masters); and the divas.

Thats why I bought a DVD Recorder and I can just remember the good old days....screw Vince.

-Andy

Well, to each their own, Andy. There's plenty of incredible old stuff to be had – but I'm of the mindset that for all of the crap that the ‘E can peddle my way, I can *ALWAYS* find something enjoyable about any given match, card or show. Even if it is just a small thing like one particular character or the way that one move flows into another – a bad night of wrestling for Mee is still better than 99% of everything else on television today.

Well, except "House" and "Law & Order" reruns, that is. "Simpsons," "Seinfeld" and "Jeopardy" are also pretty standard nighttime fare, too. Not to mention "Survivor," "Top Chef," and "The Apprentice." Oh yeah, and then there's always "Arrested Development" and "Spongebob Squarepants" on DVD. My folks are urging Mee to get into "24" as well. Heck, even "The O.C." isn't all that bad as far as chick-shows go.

Ok, so maybe wrestling's better than 50% of what's out there… but it still beats "Friends," right!?

Well, on that note…


And With That, I'm Outta' Here

Our streamlining process continues, and we hammered this puppy down to less than 10,000 words this week! Thanks again for reading, and your feedback is always welcome and encouraged for next time!

Good luck with finals (and job-hunting, if you're graduating). Put that money you would have spent on the Backlash replay towards something nice for your lady-friends, and always stay positive.

- Meehan