Truth B Told 5.4.06: I Only Got TWO WORDS For Ya!!
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 05.04.2006
HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO!!
All it takes is one simple gesture. One simple gesture to create a frenzy, to begin the rumor mill, and to set the IWC a buzz with speculation. That one gesture? A crotch chop. The internet is abuzz with rumors that Degeneration-X is on the cusp of a rebirth. There seems to be a real split on the possibility too. The "Marks" seems to be drooling in anticipation of a resurrection of one of the most popular stables of all-time. But a lot of "smarks" seem to think that a DX reunion would just be a colossal watered down flop like the WWE version of the nWo.
Its hard to argue with either side here because after all, this is all just speculation. Remember how hard the crowd marked out for the teased reunion a couple years back when HHH and HBK showed up in DX t-shirts as part of a swerve that started the year long feud between Triple H and Michaels. At Wrestlemania the rumors really started flying after both members of OG-DX used crotch chops and HBK used the infamous "I only got two words for ya" line on RAW the next night. The crowd has been chanting for DX to reform ever since. The only thing is… is a try reformation even possible?
When DX began it was started by HHH w/ Chyna, and HBK w/ Rick Rude. At the time it was based on the principle of the old guard (Bret Hart) who were berating the new "young punks" that didn't respect the business. HHH and HBK were 27 abd 32 respectively and at that time, could be considered, somewhat young. These guys are middle aged now and HBK is a born again Christian. I hardly see how one could make an argument that the general philosophy behind what DX was about could possibly translate to today. Sure it would be a great mark out moment to see them reunite on an episode of RAW, but then what? How degenerate or Edge are a bunch of middle aged men…one of which has a hair line thinner than an Olsen twin. I just don't see how you could put these guys together under the guise that they are all about defiance and "sticking it to the man". Hell… they ARE "the man".
To me it would just seem like the WWE is rehashing an old angle in hopes of drawing some money. Problem is that it is almost impossible to move forward when you keep living in the past. There are several angles that the WWE can just never bring back. A 4 Horsemen stable could never been what it was back in the days of Tully and Arn. The nWo can and will not ever succeed again after the WWE unsuccessfully tried to bring it back years ago. Although to it's credit, that angle did give us the birth of the Booker T remixed entrance music, "Book, Book, Book, Book Book, I'm just a BOOKER T". I think DX falls within that category because unless you bring back the same group of guys in the same time frame, you just can't catch lightening in a bottle anymore. Its like how there is this band that is touring, calling themselves, "Journey" and yet Steven Perry is no where to be found. C'mon… that's not Journey. It's like when Val Halen tried to get us to believe that the lead singer from "Extreme" was good enough to replace David Lee Roth… or even Sammy Hagar. Yeah, that's right… DX2K6 is Valen Halen with Gary Sharone as the lead singer…I said it, big whoop, wanna fight about it??
But you know, what do I know? The WWE is going to do whatever they think they can to make a buck. Hell, Vince McMahon had GOD do the job at Backlash, what makes me think he won't drag DX out if it's grave just to bastardize it and piss all over it. After anally raping it. With no Vaseline. So the real question isn't as much HOW they do it, but what they do with it after HBK and HHH unite in the ring with a might Crotch Chop heard from the Earth to the Heavens above? Damn, I hate fantasy booking, so I'll just throw some questions about the logistics here and you all can feel free to answer them next week:
Membership - So some DX purists think that HHH and HBK should be the only members of DX if they are going to reform. While that does make sense there are problems with that. Well first off, remember, Chyna still needs work, but then again, considering she's no longer the scary ass she-male she was before, she probably wouldn't be that useful, plus…she'd never make it past the "wellness program". But the other 3 members of the "New DX" are all available. Sure all three of them are TNA regulars, but none of them have any long term or binding contracts, so if the WWE wanted to go this route they could. I sincerely hope they don't however. Plus, remember, DX was originally 4 members. Even in later incarnations they had 5 members at least. 2 guys is a tag team, not a stable. So while keeping it a "true" DX would mean only HHH and HBK are invited to the party, we all know that a "two man power trip" doesn't last for long, especially without the boss's baking. Let's face it, if DX is going to be successful, they have to be either faces or ‘tweeners, but they DEFINITELY have to be feuding against Vince.
So what does that mean? New members. But who? Well hopefully X-Suck is busy with the Wrestling Society X show that MTV has reportedly picked up so that leaves him off the list. Which clearly shows that there IS in fact a God, he just can't seem to take out two McMen. So if we go the New Age Outlaws route and draft a tag team, I guess we have to go with guys who can either pull off being faces or ‘tweeners. Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas perhaps? Maybe Carlito and another partner of his choosing? He does have that kind of DX attitude, although seeing him and the H's in a stable just seems odd. Masters is more "Evolution" material than DX material. I guess that leaves an OVW guy like CM Punk or some rogue Spirit Squad member. Scary prospects. Then again… perish the thought, I hear there is a someone ‘tweenerish guy with decent mic skills who actually embodies the DX spirit more than many give him credit for. Then again…I just "can't see him" in DX.
Affiliation - The original DX were heels, who the fans turned face. Granted any reincarnation of DX would be turned instantly face by the crowd, does that mean they need to remain faces? Well if they feud with Vince they would be. Meaning that they would be on the same side of the other faces on RAW. Who then would they feud with? Vince? Shane? Edge? Cena? The Spirit Squad? Unless you end up throwing Kane of Big Show at them the possibilities are pretty slim. DX was best when they had another faction…or regime….fac-gime… to feud against. Right now the only real stable IS the Spirit Squad and that doesn't seem like much of a money feud. I would hate to see Vince create another "Corporation" just to play evil heel in a feud. An outright face DX would probably be as well received as an outright face John Cena. Or Candice Michelle's face, out right. I'm kidding, while we know Candice's body certain serves a purpose on RAW, so does her face. Target practice for Vince McMahon.
Title - HHH clearly wants the belt back. But HBK also cut a promo saying that he wants a shot at the strap too. So what does this mean? Does one of these guys decide they'd be ok holding the IC strap instead? Do we end up with a "winner gives the other guy a title shot" pact? Somehow I can't see these guys putting aside their title hunts for the sake of a nostalgia tour. What happens when one gets a shot for the belt and the other doesn't? The last "Mega Powers" team we had was in fact the "Two Man Power Trip" of Stone Cold and HHH. Through some weird kind of mutual respect over each other's heelish tactics they were able to co-exist when Stone Cold won the World Title and HHH settled for the IC strap. They also both held the tag titles, but I can't see HHH/HBK stooping to that now a days. A lot of questions would be raised once people realized that only one of these guys could hold the belt.
The Truth
Sure, I'll admit it, I would mark out for a DX reunion. Then, the next week I'd wonder what the heck happened. The next week I'd want to see who is going to step up to either join HHH/HBK or oppose them. Then the next week, I'd wonder why they even bothered bringing them back in the first place. C'mon, you really think the creative writing staff that came up with Umaga can do justice to DX. Unless HHH and HBK basically write their own ticket there is no way this is going to come off as anything other than hokey. Sure there is a chance that they could indeed catch that same lightening in a bottle. But those chances are slim. I think a DX reformation could make some money in the short term, but in the long term it would just seem like an old rehash. DX would probably be wildly popular with most of the ol skool fans but largely confusing for the casual ones.
Not that I'm totally against a DX reunion, I'm just skeptical of how the WWE would handle it. Face it, they haven't had the best track record with how to handle this kind of stuff. A HHH/HBK united front would definitely have prospects, even if it didn't adopt the DX moniker. I think that kayfabe would implode on itself if they actually adopted "The Kliq" as an on screen name. The tricky part is how they would add to the mix, or even if they would decide to add a member or two. This is intriguing no doubt, and probably one of the hottest angles that WWE has had in a while. In fact, I think this goes to show that HHH really does belong in that upper echelon when it comes to legendary performers. Right now he's managed to not only freshen up his shtick but also incorporate himself in the two of the hottest angles on RAW, especially now that Trish is out of action. Who knew? From IWC pariah to IWC darling in a matter of months. Kind of like Steve Cook, but without the "IWC darling" part.
I'm convinced this goes down 1 of 3 ways here. Either DX reforms and we end up with an odd rehash of an great idea whose time has passed. We end up with HHH swerving us all to win the title with help from Vince McMahon after he somehow turns on HBK. Or we end up with the implausible, the impossible, the unexpected turn of HBK. I think the likely hood of Door #2 is probably the greatest, but you never know. I mean, who would have thought that at the end of the day: Vince McMahon > God.
Coming Up Short
*SPOILER ALERT*
So this may not REALLY be a spoiler, but on Smackdown tomorrow its going to end up being Rey Misterio Jr. involved in a match that includes Mark Henry and JBL. Wow…I know, you must be beside yourself as I totally spoiled a HUGE surprise. I mean, who knew that JBL and Mark Henry would now be in the WHT scene? Well you know, the sad thing is, there is really no other way to go here. While I would hope they run a separate program with the US and World Titles I guess JBL and Mark Henry are the only real legit heel title contenders. The only problem here is that you have to get the title off JBL somehow if you want to give him the World Title.. But logically if JBL loses the US belt to someone, how does he deserve the WHT? So lets say you give the title to Mark Henry….or…let's not say that. In fact, let's not even think that. You can't even Create-a-Wrestler on Smackdown vs RAW of Mark Henry that would be able to convincingly hold the WHT.
So that leaves us with two options. Keep the belt on Rey Misterio until Orton, Batista, or Angle return or find a new top heel to promote to the main event scene. So far we have Finlay, possibly a heel turned Birchall, Road Warrior Animal….The Great Khali….uh….Sylvan?? Dang, if only there was a legitimate Heel who could not only challenge but win the WHT and carry it for a while until Angle or Batista returned. Or at the least provide an entertaining program with Rey Rey while Smackdown figures out their "Heel Shortage". Hmmm….if only someone…perhaps with a winning smile, beauty queen wife/valet, and unquestionable song styling skills could step forward. Oh yeah, that's right, I'm starting the official Booker T for WHT campaign. There is plenty of room on board if you get on early. Because to me, unless SD recognizes the real potential in this newly entertaining Booker T and give him a real shot to run with the WHT then they are just coming up short. Oh yeah, Rey Misterio Jr. Booker T is coming for YOU nigga!!
6 Degrees of…
Did anyone else know it was National Asian American month this month? Well just you guys with "yellow fever" who use that as a pick up line at boba joints, karaoke bars, and Anime conventions. But for the rest of you, y'all betta recognize. To kick off this most holy of months we begin with the baddest muthafuckin' Asian to EVER walk the planet. Bruce Lee.
Well you know what is coming at the end of the month right? C'mon…think of a minute… Women's History Month, African American History Month…hmmm? Yep, the 10 Greatest Asian American Wrestlers in History. Uh…so far I got like 4. And that includes Batista. Sure he's half, but that's still a big ass half. Besides, half a Batista is like a full Asian dude anyways. Well there is NO DOUBT who #1 is going to be. This man:
Damn skippy. It's "Enter the Dragon" to Ricky "The Dragon" in 6 exact degrees. Oh yeah, bonus points to any other "Dragons" you fit in there. Get to it people.
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
"6 degrees" is the hot topic this week as apparently everyone agrees with me that Charlie Haas should never wear leather vests. And big Filipino/Greek men just seem to rock the pink shirts and glasses so much harder than the rest of us.
Travis Homewood gives props to one of the Greatest Bands in HISTORY:
Dude, awesome column, and big props for giving bonus points for any journey references. I actually have tickets to see Journey in Chicago this summer. GREATEST BAND IN THE WORLD!!!! And on a plus note I did manage to bust out with the asian bitches be lookin' good most of the time to a friend of mine who agreed but hadn't gotten the quote yet. Thanks.
Let me just say that while "Journey" was one of the greatest bands ever. This new incarnation JOURNEY is just a sad imitation. That's right…I'm going straight Puro and capitalizing their name to show that they are indeed HEELS. In fact, I think I'll be doing that with MY name from now on. Journey without Steven Perry is like the 4 Horsemen without Ric Flair….or with Mongo McMichaels. Just not the same. I actually hope that "Asian bitches be lookin' good most of the time" will sweep the nation. I'm just waiting for the first t-shirts to be printed. Make sure you send me one though. Size L. Oh…and I bet Rusty Nailz will want one too….size XXPimp.
"6 Degrees of….", Results.
The Cap'n of Team "PLEASE Take Back Nathan Jones America", had a surprisingly good submission this week. He would have taken the #3 spot for sure had he not mistakenly used this degree: "Hollywood Hulk Hogan wrestled Ric Flair in a Yappiipi Indian Strap Match at Uncensored 99." Too bad that was actually the match at Uncensored in 2000. Oh well, hopefully this little mistake will SforcinaYA to be a little more diligent on your fact checking.
Mark Satrang likes the new "Primetime" slot for TBT which frees up his Friday nights for drinking without the added stress of passing out and dreaming about MANTAUR. He also mentions that "nWo Holed Out" starring X-Cock was actually his #3 favorite porno. Which is great, but I just felt like that Bronco Buster spot might have knocked that poor girl's tooth out. He almost made the honorable mention by again finding a way to include MANTAUR, but he failed to follow one of the cardinal rules of TBT's "6 Degrees". A title is not an official degree. Had he only realized that the infamous Bret Hart "who are you to doubt El Dandy" promo was in response to his feud with Lex Luger at the time he would have made the list for sure. Sorry Mark, at least this leaves you more time to check out the new release by Bill DeMott aka Huge Morrus in the film "No Laughing Splatter".
Matt Moses is back this week and juuuuuuuust comes up short. Now while a Barry Manilow inclusion would usually do the trick this week he was just edged out by another submission. Sure Matt's entry was technically sound, but it lacked that something extra. Was it a certain panche'? Dramatic flair? Mantaur? Who knows, but I'm sure he'll be back again to prove the skeptics wrong. And THIS time…it'll be personal. Or…not, cuz' if he finds a Matt Moses degree in this week's "6 degrees" that would be pretty damn impressive.
Honorable Mention
This week Ryan just misses out because he failed to note that while Bing Crosby DID do several songs with Frank Sinatra, he also did several lines of coke with him as well…shooby dooby doo.
1) Clay Aiken had a Christmas special on NBC in 2004. On that show, through the magic of television, he did a duet with Bing Crosby on "Little Drummer Boy"
2) Bing Crosby was a well known crooner who did several songs with Frank Sinatra.
3) A Sinatra-type song was used as theme music by Kerwin White, better known as Chavo Guerrero Jr.
4) In 1998, Chavo had a Cruiserweight title shot against the champion, Dean Malenko.
5) Malenko attempted to hit on the Hardy Boys' manager, Lita.
6) Lita received her wrestling "training" from the one...the only...El Dandy.
Ryan Gleason
I remember that "Dean Malenko is a pimp" angle. Or rather, Dean Malenko is a "John" angle. I wonder what ever happened to that? you know though, I've always known El Dandy was responsible for Lita's training but clearly she lost her way after breaking from his teachings. I mean, El Dandy would NEVER allow himself to be pinned time and time and time and time again … backstage. Plus, when El Dandy was place in a ring with 5 men he would be able to finish each and every last one of them off … but with his pants on.
#3
Jason Alvarado snuck into the top 3 by bringing up one of the most talented coworkers Paula Abdul has ever had:
1. On July 17, 1998, El Dandy tapped out to Konan on Thunder.
2. Konan lost to Bill Goldberg at the 1998 Great American Bash.
3. Bill Goldberg played Mr. Smith in 2003's Looney Tunes: Back in action, which also starred Bugs Bunny.
4. Bugs Bunny appeared in the public service announcement titled "Take it Back", that Wikipedia says only aired once, on Nickelodeon in 1995. Also in that PSA… legendary performer Mc Skat Kat.
5. Mc Skat Kat was the highlight of Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract" video.
6. Paula Abdul, as a judge on American Idol, was one of the lines of defense that failed to save us from Clay Aiken.
Take it back, remember to recycle. :-D
Its funny isn't it? In the "Opposites Attract" video she's sharing the spotlight with a big animated pussy. Now on American Idol she's sharing the spotlight with a… well enough about Seacrest.
#2.
Jason Hulsey wants to take his little turn on the Catwalk. He also submitted 4 different "6 Degrees" tries. However only 1 truly followed the TBT rules and luckily for him…it was his best try:
Great column. One problem during the late nineties was how almost everyone dressed alike. Just about every wrestler's on camera street clothes were some combination of a leather jacket, jeans, and sunglasses. Which can be cool, but not when everyone wears it. Even Bischoff wore this. Really didn't make anyone look like an individual. Same with the WWE dress code. Up until recently almost everyone came out in a suit. Over the past couple of years I've lost count of the number of wrestlers dressed in a suit of some type for an in ring interview or confrontation. Unless it was JBL and company or any former member of Evolution it really didn't make sense because those are the only ones that fit the gimmick. Well maybe Booker T and Kurt Angle, but not The Big Show and Chris Jericho. Not that a suit doesn't look good, but individuality is the key to building a character, and that's lost if they all look the same. Lately it seems to be getting better though.
-Jason
Now here's my 6 degrees candidates.
1. To Quote Wikipedia: "El Dandy became somewhat of a cult figure in smark circles after Bret Hart said "Who are you to doubt El Dandy?" during an interview where Gene Okerlund was asking about possible challengers for his U.S. title."
2. Bret Hart guest starred on The Simpsons as himself and bought Mr. Burns mansion. Yeardley Smith voices Lisa on The Simpsons.
3. Yeardley Smith was on Herman's Head. Her character on the show, Louise, lost her virginity to Hank Azaria's character Jay.
4. Hank Azaria stars in the show Huff with Oliver Platt.
5. Oliver Platt was in Flatliners with (Six degrees of) Kevin Bacon.
6. (Six degrees of) Kevin Bacon played an invisible scientist in Hollow Man, Clay Aiken had a hit song with "Invisible"
You know, now that I think about it, a lot of guys did wear leather jackets, but mainly in WCW. WWE hardly showed street clothes back stage unless it was part of an interview in the ring or a pre-taped segment. Right now I think they are showing too many suited up wrestlers. HHH, Flair, HBK, Batista, JBL, etc. then again most of the guys they never even show in "civilian clothes". Guys like Big Show or Kane hardly ever are shown out of ring gear. I do however remember Saturn rocking the little leather chapeau from time to time with a loud yellow tropical shirt and leather pants. Oh Perry, you fashionista you. Hmm… maybe that's what Big Dave should actually come back as when he heels up and returns to Smackdown. "The Animal" Fashionista!! Oh and props to you for remembering the Simpsons episode with the Hitman and for actually fitting in Kevin Bacon into the degrees. Although I almost took off points for you actually calling "Invisible" a "Hit song". I always got the lyrics messed up and for a while I thought he was saying, "If I was invisible….I would just punch you in the womb". Which granted, would have been an AWESOME entrance song for Snitsky. Well done Jason…well done.
#1.
Well it looks like this week's #1 entrant knows that flattery and straight up suckuptitude will get you EVERYWHERE in TBT. Good job Michelle.
1. In 2002, El Dandy was in a stable called Los Fabulosos who were managed by a Miss Hancock aka Stacy Keibler. (Dandy: Keibler)
2. Stacy Keibler is highly lusted for by wrestling columnist, Truth B Told author Bayani Domingo. (Keibler: Domingo)
3. Bayani Domingo beat the hell out of Andy Clark and won Rant Wars II. (Domingo > Clark)
4. Andy Clark's last name is Clark Kent's first name aka Superman whose love was Lois Lane, played by Terri Hatcher in the TV series Superman in 1993. (Clark: Hatcher)
5. Terri Hatcher is rumored to be dating Ryan Seacrest. (Hatcher: Seacrest)
6. Ryan Seacrest is "FRIENDS" *wink wink* with Clay Aiken. (Seacrest: Aiken)
If only I could Stacy and I really COULD be connected in 1 degree. *sigh* Anyways, as much as I loved the name "Los Fabulosos" when El Dandy and Silver King were tagging, I was secretly hoping they would switch their name to "Silver Dandy"… just has a real ZING to it. It just rolls off the tongue… much like I suppose Stacy Keibler would do. *sigh* Yeah, and remember, pandering to the writer ALWAYS garners extra points. Well you know, you'll always get extra bonus points for correct math and:
Domingo > Clark, is an equation that just can't be argued with.
Left Overs…
I'm hoping the OVW guy (Sully) can help out with this, but the team of Deuce Shade and Dice Domino are known as "The Untouchables"?? Wouldn't that be a better name for CM Punk and the other guys who came in during Cena's WM entrance? I would think that "The Throwbackss" would be a better name for a tag team with a 1950's greaser gimmick. Or perhaps "The Outsiders". Why not? WWE owns that name now right? My only worry is that they bring in Colt Cabana and start calling him "Pony Boy".
Akio aka Jimmy Yang is going up against "White Chuck Norris" Charlie Haas on Heat. Yang had been coming out dressed as Kato from "The Green Hornet" on the indy scene and had spent a lot of time traveling with and training Bruce LeRoy. Clearly this is WWE's attempt at bringing back the infamous Chuck Norris vs Bruce Lee feud. Oh can only hope they pick out the Great Khali's hair into an afro and bring him in as Punjabi Kareen Abdul-Jabbar.
Trish injured at the hands of Mickie Henry at Backlash. Sad, I mean, its basically hunting season for anyone in the main event. If it wasn't for the fact that WWE forgot that MNM hold the tag belts, I'd be worried about those guys too.
RAW was apparently storyline heavy, wrestling light. Smackdown seems to be wrestling heavy and storyline light. I think ECW will be an odd mix which will include a lot of light ring work and a lot of heavy wrestlers. C'mon Axl, do a damn sit up already.
Joey Styles showed much fire in his belly on RAW this week…but it will take more than belly fire to get me interested in ECW again. There is just something wrong about trying to pass off a company as a ‘rebel' or ‘anti-establishment' when the establishment is known to be funding it. It's like having your girlfriend pay for your prostitutes, but secretly taping you and selling it on-line for money to fund your wedding. And I will NEVER make that mistake again my friends. Well, maybe one more time.
Good Ol' JR is back in the saddle full-time on RAW now. So get ready for some slobber knockers, Jezebel's, references to kitchen utensils whenever the Big Show is around. To be honest, I don't care who is announcing RAW matches, you just can't tell a story well enough to make Chris Masters look good in the ring. The guy is less mobile in the ring than the left side of JR's face.
I attended a Hybrid Pro Wrestling show in Culver City last weekend. It was interesting what you get for $7. There are definitely a few guys I was impressed by: Lil' Cholo, Markus Riot, Diablo, Mr. Instant Replay and Slick Nick (The Youngbucks), Scott Lost and Chris Bosh (Arrogance) rocked as they always do at PWG, and Sexy Sonny Samson. His gimmick is a big fat black guy who wears gear about a size too small and claims to be the sexiest man in the world. I love the guy and all and he has a lot of charisma, but where does he think he'll possibly go with a gimmick like that? C'mon…big fat black dude…claiming to be a real ‘sex machine'. I can't Viscera a possible Mark Henry where they would get over.
Damn Ari, you are gettin' yo ass WHUPPED lately in this CZW vs RoH war. The 2nd City Saints and BJ Whitmer got creamed by CC, Super Dragon, a large homeless man and some guy named "Spyder"Nate Webb who looks kind of like the dude you see at a Mexican Taco wagon who is coming down from something seriously gnarly and keeps asking you for change to get a taco. Just sad.
So it wasn't just me who read that everyone in the arena could hear Kane's voice during his match and said, "What the Fuck??" Yeah, I am at a loss for why we could hear his thoughts on RAW the other week, then in the arena last Sunday. Then again I hear you can hear Chris Master's thoughts as well when you watch RAW during his segments. Seriously. Try it next time, all you have to do is hit "Mute" when he cuts his next promo.
Somewhere I can just hear Marge Schott screaming from the grave, "Oh CRAP, he's gonna throw a 'Bean' Ball".
Lance Storm said in his website that he is not willing to come out of retirement fully in order to be part of the "NEW ECW". Well they just signed Devon Storm to a developmental deal earlier this year and Lance Cade doesn't have anything better to do right? So….. you know. Lance Cade. Devon Storm. Huh? Huuuuuuuh? What? Its not like they are signing the team of Ravno and Rhyven.
Say it with me people, LUNG….BLOWER. Its not that hard. Seriously. Backcracker? Fuck that. LUNG…..BLOWER. Jeeezies Chreeezies people. It's called a LUNG… BLOWER!! I hate it when they call Carlito's move a Backcracker. Then again I'd love to hear Carlito actually call the move in the ring when he hits it on Matt Striker, "Yeah, you take that Back, Cracker!!"
Damn it…why didn't Sting get Buff to be his tag partner?? I miss Buff Daddy. The dance, the smile, but mostly I miss the top hat. Shoot, now that Buff Daddy and Lex Luger both have warrants and are on probation, they should have challenged AMW as the REAL America's Most Wanted.
TNA Hardcore is almost sold out which is good, but ECW completely sold out.
Pro Wrestling Guerrilla is going down this weekend in La Habra, CA. NOOOO clue where that is. I hear its very East of LA though. Looks like the Bitchcoe Brothers aren't going to make it…AGAIN this weekend. I'm getting kind of impatient to see these guys already as this is the 3rd show they aren't going to be at, but were originally scheduled for. Chances are that Davey Richard's injury is the reason they aren't showing, but still…c'mon, show up, wrestle a local guy. Try not to break your neck on an SSP. It'll be fun for everyone. Scheduled to appear are: "American Dragon" Bryan Danielson, Frankie Kazarian, Chris Sabin, Austin Aries, B-Boy, Bosh & Lost, NEMESIS, Rocky Romero, Chris Hero & Claudio Castnoli, Human Tornado, Kevin Steen, Colt Cabana, and much more. Well, not much more, but a little bit more. Show Up.
MMA and Brock Lesner, a match made in… I wonder what happens the first time he tries to hoist a guy up for "The Verdict" and he gets dead weighted? Or better yet when he tries a shooting star press off the top of an octagon. Man something tells me that if he comes down to the ring with a mariachi band in tow, Csonka is going to shit himself.
Pimpin' In High Places
Primetime plugs from the "Primetime Playa". Ya like that? I'm thinking about using that title soon. I also liked "Must See TBT" but there might be some copyright issues. Anyhow, check out some of the other writers who could use a nickname of two:
Let's start off with 10 Cent aka Julian Williams as he brings you another Top 10. And by "another" I mean his second column. He talks about the most ridiculous angles. I think the most ridiculous Angle was when he had the little red cowboy hat on. Oh Kurt…how ridiculous.
The "Prince of Positivity" Meehan talks about the ECW revival. If I was a betting man I would bet he has a positive spin on things and thinks ECW will be great for wrestling. What would be the bet? Why, 1 Canadian dollar of course.
That big Koala Punching Bastard Sforcina floats like a butterfly and writes about Sting.
Big Daddy Csonk takes a day off and has a "substitute" fill in for him. No…it's not Orton. In fact the US title isn't on the line…what the hell were you people thinking?
All aboard the Gray "Eggs ‘n" Ham has the B-Fly Effect. if I had any advice for this newbie I would say make sure to always check your facts, try to keep columns fresh, and start a feud or two right off the bat. I don't think anyone has pissed off Boman yet so start with a fat mama joke and go from there.
You've heard of a boxer having a glass jaw right? Well apparently Sully has a crystal ball. That's right, if he ever feuds with Jew-maga over OVW or RoH's dominance, he better cover his ‘junk'.
J-Pizzle wants you to "feel the BANG". Which apparently Julian felt earlier at his "initiation". He also mentions the Great Positivity Debate 2. Of which yours truly is a contestant. That's right people, vote early…vote often… just from a different IP address. *wink*
O'Dog doesn't even need a nickname. Unless that's his actual name. Which I assume would make him Irish right? One can only wonder if he ever calls his ‘main squeeze' his O'Bitch.
The Rated "ZZZZZ" Superstar grades Kurt Angle and prepares for the ass reaming of a lifetime this weekend. Oh, he's also going to get whooped in the Great Positivity Debate.
Cook opens up for me. I ain't got any cool nicknames for him. Unless, "You Dirty Muthaf***a!!" is considered a nickname.
F or F is an epic battle between 411's version of Hogan vs Savage. Who's Elizabeth? My guess is Dunn.
The Great Positivity Debate II takes place on Friday. Now take a few things into consideration here. First off you KNOW how hard it is for me to be all peppy and optimistic, so considering how smarky I usually am, I should at least get extra points for how positive I tried to be by comparison. Secondly, when you vote for Andy Clark….the terrorists have won. Now normally I would say that I'm stealing this from Cook, but since that new guy also has a Top 10 list, maybe I'm actually stealing this from him. Either way, closing out this week is the Top 10 Reasons NOT to vote for Andy Clark in the Great Positivity Debat II. Enjoy!!
Top 10 Reasons NOT to vote for Andy Clark:
10. "The Shimmy" is named after a man whose motto was "Lie, Cheat, and Steal". Doesn't sound very positive to me.
9. Andy Clark is the one who Vince that John Cena was too "edgy".
8. Mark Henry has been covering for Andy for weeks now, HE'S the one who really injured Kurt Angle.
7. Sure Andy wants you to believe he's "positive" but where does he stand on the important issues, like taxes, health care, and legalized prostitution? No one knows.
6. Andy Clark thinks "The Big Boot" is a credible finisher.
5. Andy is the reason gas prices are so high.
4. Clark is Jeff Jarrett's personal stylist.
3. Andy Clark is still upset Matt Hardy denied his friend request on myspace.
2. Andy Clark secretly wedged a forklift in front of God's dressing room, causing him to miss his match against Vince, which is why HBK took the loss.
1. You could vote for ME instead.
TBT in 2006. Together, we can make a difference….and make Andy Clark cry.
