The Friday Slim-To-None News Report 05.05.06
Posted by Scott Slimmer on 05.05.2006
ECW Revival? Check. Degeneration X Reunion? Check. Slim-To-None Back in Business? Check.
FINALLY, the Slim-To-None News Report has come BACK to 411.
Silence.
Silence.
Wow, that trick works a lot better when the Rock does it.
Anyway, it seems as though nostalgia is rather in vogue in the world of sports entertainment these days. WWE is bringing back ECW. Shawn Michaels and Triple H are reforming Degeneration X. Even TNA seems hell bent on rebuilding WCW one washed up wrestler at a time. Seriously guys, Lex Luger and Buff Bagwell? Not cool. Now, in the most shocking development of all, 411 proudly presents the return of the Sunday Slim-To-None News Report on Friday. Hey, things change. Deal with it. Nick Marsico, writer of Friday's regular News to Start Your Weekend News Report, needed to take a brief (read: one day) hiatus to deal with his end-of-semester work load, so the Friday News position opened up. 411 saw this as the perfect opportunity to jump on the nostalgia bandwagon, so the Slim-To-None News Report got a second lease on life. This must be what Mark Calaway feels like every time WWE decides to pull his dusty ass out of the coffin.
Wrestling News. It's Like Heroin for Dorks.
You all know that I'm 411's own Quintessential Stud Muffin, but you may not be aware that I'm also one hell of good news reporter. Baby, I'm a regular Renaissance Man. So here's the drill. I'll throw out a couple of the most recent news stories to make their way across the 411 newswire, and then I'll give you what I know you came for: my honest, sincere, and always thought provoking opinions. And we're off
Topic Number One: The Return of ECW
The names below are guys who have either signed or are expected to sign for WWE's ECW.
Full-time guys: Rob Van Dam Tommy Dreamer The Sandman Sabu Al Snow Axl Rotten Balls Mahoney Francine Jazz C. W. Anderson Danny Doring The FBI (Little Guido and Tony Mamaluke)
Part-time guys: Terry Funk Masato Tanaka Yoshihiro Tajiri Mikey Whipwreck Joel Gertner
Other guys already under WWE contract or WWE has access to who could be used: Roadkill Kid Kash Super Crazy Justin Credible Lance Storm Stevie Richards Johnny Swinger Nova/Simon Dean
Announcers: Joey Styles
Ring Announcers: Steven DeAngelis
Bookers: Paul Heyman Tommy Dreamer
I guess there was no way to avoid the fact that the impending rebirth of ECW has once again dominated the world of wrestling news this week. This is the most extensive list of names that I've seen linked to the new ECW, so let's try to work through it in some sort of logical order. I think I'll start off with my own personal list of the ten guys that defined ECW for me. I'm not necessarily saying that these guys were the biggest draws in ECW (although some of them were) or that they were the best performers in ECW (although some of them were). I'm just saying that these are the ten guys that I see (or, in at least one case, hear) in my mind when I close my eyes and think about ECW. After that, I'll compare my list with the above list of guys who actually might show up during the ECW revival in order to form some sort of idea about how well this little experiment could work.
Side Note: After completing this News Report, I found out that Marsico promised all of you that there would be no further mention of ECW in the News to Start Your Weekend. Obviously, this leaves me in a bit of an awkward situation. I think I'm going to weasel out of it by saying that this is technically the Slim-To-None News Report and not the News to Start Your Weekend. Oh hell. The real story is that I just wanted to talk about ECW. Deal with it.
Scott's Top Ten Guys Who Defined ECW:
10. Taz Just to clarify, I'm talking about Taz, NOT the Tazmaniac. It's sort of like differentiating between Rocky Maivia and the Rock. Anyway, Taz was the living embodiment of the ECW bad ass. He was mean, he was tough, and he was out to Fuck The World. Just try to image what Samoa Joe would be like today if he didn't have Taz to use as a template for his character. Yep, that's right. Umaga would have himself a tag team partner.
9. Rob Van Dam Yeah, baby, now we're talking. There's no way that ECW would have lasted as long as it did without RVD carrying the ball there at the end. There are two things that really stick out in my mind about RVD's run in ECW. The first is his series of matches with Jerry Lynn. Damn, those dudes could just flat out go in the ring, and you could almost always count on Lynn to get knocked loopy at some point in the match. One of my all time favorite ECW moments is when RVD rolls a damn near unconscious Jerry Lynn back into the ring during one of their matches. RVD covers Lynn, but SOMEHOW Lynn manages to kick out at two. I was shocked as all hell the first time I saw that, because I was SURE that Lynn was in la-la land. So I watched the spot again in slow motion, and it turns out that RVD put his hand under Lynn's shoulder, pulled it up, and at the same time threw himself upwards, but at regular speed it really does look like Lynn kicked out. Great stuff from RVD there. The second thing that really sticks out about RVD is how far he elevated the ECW Television Championship. He proved that ANY belt can be the top belt in a promotion if the champion consistently goes out there and puts on the best match on the card. I have to believe that TNA has drawn heavily on this model in showcasing their X-Division Championship as prominently as they have.
8. Raven They say that a hero is only as interesting as his villain, and this was never as true as it was with Raven. Whether he was feuding with Terry Funk, the Sandman, or of course Tommy Dreamer, Raven played mind games with his opponents as well as anyone in the history of the industry. He was the thinking man's heel, and the ECW fans loved him for it.
7. Shane Douglas Shane Douglas was the single greatest heel in the history of ECW. ECW fans would cheer both faces and heels if they put on a great performance, but they always booed Douglas. It wasn't X-Pac Heat or even "Cena" Heat. No, the ECW fans HATED Douglas, pure and simple. I've got nothing but respect for a guy that has the nuts to continually piss off the most insane fans in sports entertainment.
6. Terry Funk Terry Funk gave ECW credibility. He was a former NWA World Champion that came to ECW and put over every guy that he could get his hands on. There's no doubt that ECW was a freak show, but Terry Funk made sure that it was also a legitimate force in the world of sports entertainment. Oh yeah, and that barbed wire match with Sabu is also one of the most blatantly insane things you'll ever see.
5. Sabu I've said this before, but Sabu is quite possibly the greatest hardcore wrestler in the history of the industry. That man will literally do ANYTHING in his power to put on the best possible show for the fans, and no one ever respected his efforts more than the ECW fans. Come on, ninety percent of the man's offense involves using the ring ropes, and he once went out and put on a great match in a ring with BROKEN ROPES. That, my friends, is hardcore.
4. The Sandman The Sandman was the point of view character for the ECW fans. Each and every one of those fans saw more than a little bit of themselves in the Sandman. He may not have been the best worker or had the best body, but the man could work the crowd into a frenzy like few in history. And although Melina is giving him a run for his money, the Sandman still has the BEST ENTRANCE EVER.
3. Tommy Dreamer Tommy Dreamer was the heart and soul of ECW. He stuck with the promotion through good times and bad, and through it all he was their poster boy. You could literally see his love for ECW in every one of his matches. Nuff said.
2. Joey Styles WWE would like you to believe that Joey Styles just wants to call wrestling moves and not tell stories, but in ECW he did both. Sure, Styles could dazzle us with his knowledge of moves from Mexico and Japan, but how useful is that when you're calling a match with Tommy Dreamer and Raven? Don't kid yourself. Styles could help build the drama of a match as well as any commentator in the business. And never underestimate the power of a well placed "Oh my God!"
1. Paul Heyman Paul Heyman WAS ECW, plain and simple. He lived, breathed, and bled ECW. Trying to imagine ECW without Heyman is like trying to imagine Marvel Comics without Stan Lee or Saturday Night Live without Lorne Michaels. If you ever loved anything about ECW, then you owe it all to Paul Heyman.
Okay, with that being said, let's look back at the names that are being thrown around for the ECW reunion and compare it to my list of guys that defined ECW.
Full-time guys:
Rob Van Dam On the list
Tommy Dreamer On the list
The Sandman On the list
Sabu On the list
Al Snow Not on the list, but could provide some much needed brevity (and Head)
Axl Rotten Not on the list, but can always be counted on for the obligatory bloodbath
Balls Mahoney Not on the list, but also works well in so-called "garbage" matches
Francine Not on the list, but all kinds of HOT
Jazz Not on the list, and wouldn't be in the promotion if it were up to me
C. W. Anderson Not on the list, but still a rather versatile worker
Danny Doring Not on the list, and wouldn't be in the promotion if it were up to me
The FBI (Little Guido and Tony Mamaluke) Not on the list, but still two good fellas
Part-time guys:
Terry Funk On the list
Masato Tanaka Not on the list, but always a big man to be reckoned with
Yoshihiro Tajiri Not on the list, but still a guy that defines in-ring intensity for me
Mikey Whipwreck Not on the list, but still always a fan favorite
Joel Gertner Not on the list, but FUNNY AS HELL
Announcers:
Joey Styles On the list
Bookers:
Paul Heyman On the list
Tommy Dreamer On the list
So all of my top six guys have been attached to the ECW revival in one way or another. Needless to say, this makes Scott a happy boy. Shane Douglas and Raven have attachments to TNA, so it's doubtful that we'll see them make an appearance. Taz is under WWE contract, but management seems to feel that he's more of an asset on Smackdown! than he would be in ECW, and I would be hard pressed to argue with them.
The bottom line is that it looks to me like ECW has a strong foundation for its newest incarnation. This group of guys (and Francine) would work well for a one-time show, but how long can one group of aging performers carry a promotion? If WWE is serious about ECW being an ongoing promotion, then they're going to have to bring in new guys that were never in the original ECW. There are TONS of indy wrestlers out there, and I have to believe that some of them would work very well in the new ECW. It's up to WWE management to decide if they really want to due what is necessary to help ECW survive and evolve. Many writers in the IWC have condemned the rebirth of ECW, because ECW can never be what it once was. That's absolutely true, but ECW can build on its legacy and become something new. ECW may fail, or ECW may succeed. I'm not sure there's really any a priori way to tell, but I wish them all the luck in the world.
Topic Number Two: The Return of Degeneration X
Viewer's Choice in Canada has the following description up for the WWE's Raw Brand Vengeance PPV:
"DX, the degenerates that started the Attitude Era, will reunite at Vengeance - Are You Ready? Don't miss a minute of the live action as RAW presents WWE's Vengeance, Sunday, June 25th at 8pm ET/5pm PT, live and only on Pay-Per-View. A World Wrestling Entertainment Production. Go to wwe.com for more details. See It All On Viewers Choice!"
This indicates that DX could reform before the PPV as has been rumored.
(Update) Viewer's Choice Canada has pulled the description of the June Vengeance PPV that they had up on their website earlier today. The original description said that Degeneration X would be reuniting at Vengeance.
WWE sources are indicating that the plan right now is for DX to reunite at Vengeance.
The other big news story as of late has been the possible Degeneration X reunion. Bayani Domingo wrote an excellent article about his views on a DX reunion in the 05.04.06 edition of Truth B Told, and most of what I would have to say on the subject would really just be an echo of the sentiments that Bayani has already expressed. However, let me just throw out one completely insane dream I have. My wildest fantasy for a new DX has always been Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Chris Jericho, and Rob Van Dam. I'm not even sure if all four of these guys have ever been on the same show at the same time, but like I said, it was just a dream. Moreover, the chances of all four of these guys ever being on the same show at the same time at some point in the future seem even more remote now that RVD is going to ECW and Jericho is off doing, um, whatever it is that Jericho is off doing. I'll probably never see my perfect version of a new DX, but you still better bet that I'll mark out like CRAZY if any sort of DX reunion actually happens. Unless, as Bayani insinuated, it involves John Cena. Or Gene Snitsky. Snitsky in DX would make me cry.
Topic Number Three: This Week's Raw Rating
RAW did a 4.0 rating last night.
This was the post-Backlash episode of Raw from 05.01.06, and as such its rating can be used as a rough measure of how the fans reacted to Backlash. Many in the IWC panned Backlash for its multiple DQ finishes and sports entertainment moments, but evidently the majority of the fans liked what they saw and tuned in to Raw to see more of it. So what's going on? I'll be the first one to admit that there were some MAJOR problems with Backlash. First there's the entire "God" angle. This particular abomination has been analyzed to death, so I'll simply voice my agreement and add that this angle came close to reaching Katie Vick levels of absurdity. Next, the "May 19th" angle with Kane was just ludicrous. Seriously, can ANYBODY explain to me why EVERYONE IN THE ARENA and EVERYONE WATCHING THE PPV was able to hear the voices in Kane's head? Third, the women's title match seemed to have been cut short due to Trish's dislocated shoulder. I completely understand that no one could have foreseen Trish's injury, and I think that they probably made the best decision given the circumstances. It's just a shame that the pay off to a really hot feud was a short match with a DQ ending.
So given the fact that there were so many problems with Backlash, is there any explanation for why so many fans decided to watch Raw the next night? Absolutely. You see, as far as I'm concerned there were just as many things right about Backlash as there were wrong about it. First, the WWE Championship picture continues to remain interesting. John Cena retained the belt but is now a tweener at best. Triple H lost the battle but may have come one step closer to winning the war. Edge once again proved that he can hang with the big boys in the title hunt. Next, Rob Van Dam came off looking like an absolute star. He and Shelton Benjamin stole the show, and now RVD seems poised to go on to bigger and better things. Third, both Shawn Michaels AND Triple H made use of the infamous DX crotch chop in their respective matches. It could have merely been coincidence, or it could have been a tease, or it could have been the start of a DX reunion. I think that positive factors such as these can be used to explain why fans decided to watch Raw this week.
Oh hell, who am I kidding? We all know the REAL reason that people are watching Raw. UUUMMMAAAGGGAAA!
Without Wrestling, I'd Have Nothing to Watch but Jerry Springer
Friday on Smackdown!, Mark Henry killed Kenny. That bastard! No, wait, turns out Mark Henry actually killed Kurt Angle, not Kenny. That fucking bastard! Nick Marsico covered this episode in his 04.28.06 411's WWE Smackdown Report, J.D. Dunn chimed in with his 04.28.06 Smackdown Breakdown, and Rik Bone did the honors in his 04.28.06 Smackdown Summary.
Friday on Heat, Joey Styles stopped by to make Todd Grisham look like a tool. I know, I know, ANYBODY can make Todd Grisham look like a tool, but Joey does it so damn well that it's still worth a mention. Yours truly covered this episode in my 04.29.06 411's WWE Heat Report, but Jeff Small also did a fine job in his 04.30.06 Final Fantasy Heat Report.
Saturday on Velocity, Matt Hardy actually won a match. Edge and Lita could not be reached for comment. Scott Fried covered this episode in his 04.29.06 411's WWE Velocity Report, and Dan Zurbruegg told the tale in his 04.30.06 Velocity Wrap-Up.
Sunday at Backlash, RVD and GOD were both in action, but only one of them picked up the win. Larry Csonka tells you what happened in his 04.30.06 411's WWE Backlash Report.
Monday on Raw, the Spirit Squad channeled the bWo and TOOK OVER. I always thought that the five guys in the Spirit Squad should have instead been packaged as Matt Striker's Sweat Hogs, but I guess some things just weren't meant to be. Anyway, Derek Martin covered this episode in his 05.01.06 411's WWE Raw Report, J.D. Dunn once again chimed in with his 05.01.06 RAWtopsy, and Peter Kent finished things off with his 05.01.06 VIOLENT PANDA Monday Night Review.
Finally, Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and Sylvan Grenier both appeared on this week's episode of OVW TV, but I only give a damn about one of them. Go ahead, take a guess. Steve Sullivan covered this episode in his 04.29.06 411's OVW TV Report.
Okay kids, that's it for this edition of the Friday Slim-To-None News Report. I'd like to say that I'll be back next week, but Marsico might get a bit peeved if I hijacked his News Report on a regular basis. Feel free to email me with any thoughts or, um, good carrot cake recipes. I do love me the carrot cake.
