WRestling’s 3R’s 06.09.06: The King tries to Climb the Mountain Again, ECW Kills Cena, and Vince and Triple H Stroke Each Other!
Posted by Larry Csonka on 06.09.2006
Ashish changed my killer title last week, it’s obvious that I am being held down by the liberal media and the white man. But that won’t stop Geoff and I from delivering one of the biggest 3R’s of all time, and this is only one part of it!
The 3R's of wRestling!
To listen to the podcast f the ECW v. WWE show with myself and Geoff, GO HERE~!
An announcement:
The wrestlecrap family has set up a PayPal account for those wishing to donate to the late John Tenta's family. That account is johntentafund@wrestlecrap.com. You can send money through PayPal by going to http://www.paypal.com. All money going to this account will be given directly to John's family. John was a big part of the wrestlecrap family, and this is a legit fund that is set up. If you have the means to drop a buck or two, do so to help out his family.
Thank you.
Here is a quick explanation of the 3 R's. I will take the 3 main shows (4 if there is a PPV, 5 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, and WWE Smackdown. I then group my feelings on the shows in 3 categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 4th R, which is as bad as they come. This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a "mark" column, nor a "smark" column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th and even 5th R to the column, so beware of those~!
iMpact!:
iMpact 06.01.06:
The Right:
The King of the Mountain Match grows as a former King tries to reclaim his crown - Jeff Jarrett busted his ass this week in his match with Raven, which WAS a good match contrary to some people's opinion. Raven is still far from ring shape, but Jarrett bumped like a champ and worked the right kind of match, allowing Raven to look strong. That was a hell of a performance from good old JJ in my opinion and I think he deserves a lot of credit for that match. He could have gone out there and had a stinker with Raven and exposed him, like some other wrestlers have done at times, but he didn't. He was a total professional and did what was needed to put on a very entertaining match. Jarrett now qualifies for the KOTM match, where he will try to regain his NWA title he lost to Christian Cage. With one KOTM match under his belt, he'll be a great asset to the match in terms of helping the quality. Will Sting make it as well, and what impact will that have on the outcome? We'll have to wait and see.
Samoa Joe's Promo - Let me tell you, that was one awesome promo Joe cut, and an awesome video deal that TNA morphed it into. It was great for many reasons. First of all, Joe's promo style is something I like. He doesn't yell or try to be all "fake intense." He is cool, calm and collected as he explains his motives and how and why he will kick your ass. This promo was a great example of this and how to cut a money promo, so let's check it out.
First he explained why he took the match with Sting and then didn't help him: "I accepted the tag match to be in the main event to play with the superstars, to prove that I can kick ass. I had Sting's back from bell to bell, and when the second bell rang, my job was done."
Then he rationalized his actions, which any good heel/tweener should be able to do: "What has Sting ever done for me? I'll tell you what he did, Sting took all of the spotlight. Where were you when I was working my ass off Sting? Nowhere, that's right."
Then he addressed Steiner's comments on him: "Where I come from, people like Steiner won't come in and flex and take my thunder. If you want some, come get it because I'm right here."
He then answers Steiner's insults with the facts: "Maybe the sands are going through the hour glass and you know you can't take me."
And finally, he calls him out completely: "I can't wait until we face one on one, but that won't happen because you won't risk it, because you know that I'll take everything from you."
In the span of roughly 1-minute, Samoa Joe justified his position, answered all questions and called out Steiner in retaliation for Steiner talking shit about him. That is what promos need to be, they don't have to take 20-minutes to say what you can effectively get across in a much shorter time, plus you do not take the chance of people getting bored. This was excellent all around, so much love to Joe this week.
Getting things set - TNA was really locking up stuff for the PPV this week I felt, which is a good thing with 2-more Impacts left to build to Slammiversary. As of this week we have the following:
LAX Stuff - The LAX stuff is just not interesting. They are basically protesting for Hispanic rights? Is that correct? Am I missing something? Should they maybe be trying to win a match, or get a match? The only thing that it is doing right now is cutting away from matches that get hurt by the cut away, and that is not a good thing and I feel that it is taking away from the program.
The Ridiculous:
I still don't like it. - You know, I keep getting emails saying the following, "Team 3D were not advertising ECW; they are just advertising the TNA Hardcore War house show they are going to be doing this month from the ECW arena." If they mean to or not guys they are basically bringing up ECW a lot and people notice these things. They are basically saying that ECW was a huge deal and since ECW is coming back, they are basically advertising for the WWE for free on TNA's time. Below I will explain my point, but TNA IS NOT ADVERTIZING HARDCORE WAR! Joe Q. Casual-fan doesn't know about the show. 1,000 Internet fns know about the show and that is it! The sad part is that they are giving good and passionate promos, but they are all about the past, all about WWE or ECW is some way. Live for the now, promote the now, talk about TNA, the NWA titles and anything NOW, not the past. That is my major beef here, and honestly there is nothing that can change my mind.
The Ri-GOD-DAMN-diculous:
I said it last week, and hell if I am not going to repeat it exactly this week! - While this may not seem like a huge deal to many of you, this is to me. TNA has 2-house shows coming up in June, one in Philly and one in Atlantic City. They had 2-house shows in Mooresville and Greensboro. I have not seen advertisement ONE for these shows or even heard a mention of them on Impact. This is unacceptable in my eyes. This company is 4-years old (almost) and is finally doing a small amount of touring/house shows. You cannot rely on the Internet and word of mouth to make these shows a success. They did some promotion for the House Show in Detroit, and drew anywhere from 3,300-3,700 people. They have ran over 10 shows through Sadler's UWF and what is the common line? "Show's attendance was anywhere from 450-600 people." Why is that? Because they don't promote these shows worth a damn. Some tell me that TNA shouldn't because they are sold shows ran through the UWF, I say bullshit! You advertise these things out the ass, you get the TNA name out there more and you work your hardest to get 3,000 people a show. If they could get 3,000 paid a show, that would be GREAT and only be a good thing for the company. Also, they sell ALL of these shows on DVD, and they go out pretty quick. TNA needs to get more of a relationship with them, they need to talk to Sadler and make the UWF a bigger deal, hell, make it their DEVELOPMENTAL. Put a school together, have D'Amore relocate, you have Cornette coming; this could work, but that's another rant I suppose. Anyway, they should have 2-4 drops, 30-seconds long promoting these shows and promoting them big time.
SmackDown!:
Here is my partner in crime, the man that Is a hell of a cook and is known as the Whole F'n Show, he is Geoff Eubanks!
Smackdown 06.02.06:
I simply could not begin this week without offering the deepest and most heartfelt empathy and condolences to the family and friends of John Tenta. While never a favorite of mine (especially because I was such a Warrior mark in my misguided youth), I look back now with much respect for The Earthquake. I took for granted how easily a man of that size moved as well and as quickly as he did. I was lucky enough to have seen him perform in person several times growing up, as his touring company always seemed to make it through my home town. Say what you might about his almighty work rate, but that man could draw HEAT. I'll never forget when he gave the earthquake splash repeatedly to Hogan…I wanted to believe that he'd managed to pop a few of his ribs, and I didn't have to reach far at all to do it. Thank you for all the fun, Mr. Tenta. You're in very good company up in that ring in the sky.
The Right:
All around…just uber-Right! – A couple weeks ago, I received an e-mail from Mike LaFave:
Hey man, in the interest of full disclosure I have to be honest, I've been reading you for awhile and this is the first time I've wrote. At first, I couldn't stand you, you were so negative and that was all over the IWC and I was sick of it, so I started skipping right past you and going straight to Larry's portion of the column. But then slowly I started reading you again and it was different you seemed more positive and objective and I enjoyed your contribution to the column.
There was much more to it than just that, and we'll get into that once the brand split hoohah I'm cooking up is all finished up. I just wanted to include that, because, ironically, as I got that e-mail, SD! started to suck old man balls, and I got really negative again, and I felt badly. And so, in the interest of fairness, I wanted to start this week's R's by praising the HELL out of the show this week! What a thoroughly enjoyable two hours! When a divas match makes it into the Right column, it was a damn good night! So, well done, WWE, and thank you! (And thank you, too, Mike!)
Just about as good as it gets – As many times as Rey Mysterio and Kurt Angle have faced off in WWE, they've never disappointed, but NEVER have they delivered like this! Check Rey's tacit communication with Angle early on after a couple take-downs and slaps to the mask, as if to say, "Hey, what's all this? I thought we were cool…so it's like THAT, huh…?" Absolutely brilliant; another example of how well Rey non-verbally communicates his emotions, a trait of his I've applauded since the "Dominick has two daddies" program.
As far as the match itself, file this under yet another free-TV MOTY candidate. Although the finish was fishy to me, Angle HAD to have momentum-leaving SD! and going to WWECW and Rey NEEDED NOT to lose if we're going to somehow manage to salvage this World Title run. All in all, Angle looks revitalized, Rey had his best match since winning the belt, we managed to escape with no ref bumps or run-ins, the fans were in the back pockets of both these men (which means a LOT at this juncture) and the exchange at the end when Angle handed Rey the title and raised his hand preserved the honor of both athletes.
All hail King Booker! Hmmm…it seems I've heard that somewhere before… – How smooth and suave is William Regal in his role as Booker's courtesan? "All hail King Booker! Yes, madam," he smiles and points into the crowd, "Come on!" motioning for her to stand. An unexpected fine touch that makes this the most delicious segment on a bafflingly entertaining installment of SD!. The benign placidity of divine Right on His Majesty's visage, juxtaposed with the pride beaming from Our Lady means so much to the overall effect of this entrance. Booker, on his throne, crossing his leg over his knee as he holds out the sides of his cape, Sharmell in perfect curtsey as the pyro ignites behind the throne was simply fantastic. This entrance could NOT be better. And as for the dickweed in the front row with the "Queen She-Male" sign, OFF WITH HIS HEAD!
A-ha, I see where we're headed, and it is good, my friends – Despite my criticism over Lashley's promo below (and Lashley fans, don't get on your Huffy's and run me down, I'm just taking the piss to make a point) he looks damn fitting with that United States Title around his waist and his entrance is really coming along, a very important component to the overall package. The match itself, although fairly obviously led by Booker, was, thusly, matched quite well by Lashley, was competitive, even, hard-fought and thoroughly enjoyable, although brief. I was somewhat surprised that Lashley went over clean so quickly, (anyone else think Lashley's spear may be phased out and replaced with the running power-slam so as not to encroach upon Edge's finisher, The World's Most Dangerous Hug –trademark Larrold…?). However, what we saw immediately following the pinfall was the dictionary definition of the term "getting back one's heat" as we saw not just King Booker beat down Lashley, but Regal got in on the act and we also saw Finlay, with whom Lashley has very recent history and bucketfuls of heat, join in, as well.
This works on SO MANY levels. Booker is now pretty unarguably SD!'s #1 heel, and bringing Regal and Finlay on board gives them both high profile roles on the show (which they more than deserve), we have a buttload of continuity, as Regal was a big part of Booker's coronation, and Finlay/Lashley was never settled in the first place. Regal and Finlay also happen to be two of the most seasoned WRESTLERS working today and, with Booker likely taking a back seat, allowing his courtesans to do his dirty work for him (a role he appears to be settling into quite a bit these days), Lashley is in for a crash course in the ring over the next several months, which serves us all EXTREMELY well. Meanwhile, I imagine that, during this time, Batista returns and ultimately dispatches with Big Drippy, gaining revenge for "putting him on the shelf", then moves on to win the WT again based upon the momentum vanquishing Big Drippy affords him. Mark my words, friends, don't be surprised to see Batista defending against a heel Lashley in Detroit, April 2007. I explain more about my feelings on heel Lashley below.
On the subject of returns – Batista's back the weekend of July 4th, and thank Benoit, we NEED him. What many don't recognize is that he is close to Shawn Michaels' age and, in a few short years, has repeatedly torn a few key, major muscles, leading the skeptic to believe that he's on borrowed time, the optimist believing his previous run was simply a prelude to greater things. I'm going with the latter, if for no other reasons than 1) we need him, 2) I like him and 3) there's been a lot invested in him by McMahonagement, fellow performers and fans alike. We and he deserve to see him succeed. (Just lay off AJ, k, Big Dave?)
Kennedy returns next week – NUFF SAID!!!
A whole bag of soggy chips on his shoulder – What's with Mark Henry and the gold lame trim? He looks like Star Jones' older drag queen brother. And did you see all that gravy splatter off him as he collided with Paul Burchill at the bell? Seriously, a lady in the third row had to be medically treated when she got popped in the eye with a giblet. I loved that sign in the crowd opposite the hard camera "Push Mark Henry"…are you kidding? YOU try to. Also, I loved that look the little kid in the orange cap had on his face after Big Drippy announced, "SOMEbody gone git they AZZ kicked," as if to say, "UHHHM, teacher, he said the ‘ay' word!" Michael Cole: "Somebody stop Mark Henry! Paul Burchill's blood pellet his getting all over his wife's choker!" But seriously, three ass-reamings in as many weeks…can Burchill PLEASE be allowed to heal up and be brought back strong? I'm calling this Right on two conditions: 1) We have a smokin video package next week detailing Big Drippy's slippery path of destruction to sum it all up and make it relevant, and 2) this all leads to the aforementioned Batista vindication.
Piper spoils a perfect "Young Frankenstein" moment – Hey, friends, he said it himself Roddy Piper=sewer rat (all apologies to any offended sewer rats). Long-time readers are familiar with my seminal, tangible HATRED for Piper, both the character and the man himself, and so, although this segment was booked to be outrageous, such that Khali would lay out a Hall Of Famer (and I REALLY hope Randy Orton returns to call gimmick infringement and kicks Khali's ass), it's fairly common sense that when a loudmouth pipsqueak has a seven foot tall servant of destruction at his disposal, you don't get too mouthy with him, and Piper is typically too stupid to know better. Ya know, it's a shame…if Khali's gonna kill just one person in the ring in his career that he shot his wad early on a rookie and didn't do it here tonight. Tazz suggested to Piper that he could look Khali in the eye by standing on a stool. Well said, considering Piper's platform has always been bullshit. Yeah, Piper busted out the clichés and the easy gags. Had he tried to sing "Puttin On The Ritz" with Khali, I'd have been forced to give him points, but this was bland and uninteresting even for him. I have this in the Right section because it's ALWAYS fun to see Piper get his ass beat.
Divalicious! – Is it a coincidence that they advertised the new Dusty Rhodes DVD set during the divas match? I mean, Ashley's got a great set and you'd be hard-pressed to wiggle a greasy credit card into Jillian Hall's cleavage, but good ole BlubbaDutht makes Dolly Parton look Olive Oyl, plus he can lactate his own cream cheese!
Well I'll be Khali's roll-on, the match between Jillian and Kristal was better then most contests in the actual women's division (Hell, it was better than most men's matches on RAW)! That was really solid action! I don't know about Michelle McCool's ring prowess, but she's not bad on the mic; it seems like a no-brainer that she could have been paired up with Matt Striker over on RAW as his "aide". I'm personally stoked to see Ashley on SD! because I dig her spunky attitude, her unique Britney-meets-P!nk HOTness and her apparent willingness to learn to improve as an in-ring performer. One wonders if Finlay's pre-show tutor role is still in play? If we could just find a decent hairstyle for Kristal (the current one is better than when it looked as if she had a mop on her head, but this one still is just a better-colored Endora), we'd have a pretty damn solid diva line up, even though Larry stole Melina from me!
A possibility for Matt Hardy…? – Have I mentioned before how badly I want a pair of Matt's camo cargos…? I really enjoyed the match between Matt and NunziGuido! It allowed Matt to be Matt, to say nothing of scoring the victory (a welcome change) and we also saw a whole lot more Guido than Nunzio, as well, as he prepares to be re-united with Tony Mamaluke and Sal E. Graziano in WWECW. Here's a notion…what if Vito's "coming out" is the catalyst for Nunzio to drop him as a partner, jumping to WWECW to get THE FBI back in business, as, on the other hand, Paul "Hide your wives, it's Edge" Heyman recruits Matt, who has been relegated to Velocity to further the storyline that he's getting screwed by WWE when he was promised better. Couple that with the report that Jeff Hardy (who can't be too stoked in TNA, and most certainly vice-versa) was "off the record" approached about coming back to WWE, and we could be seeing the return of THE HARDY BOYZ. Their style works very well with the ECW philosophy and a program with THE FBI would be a blast. Matt could stick Jeff in a pet carrier and make sure he meets his commitments on time. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time GHB's been done in an ECW locker room, Right, Sunny?
Speaking of ECW – Holy fuck, whether it's an announcer's headset or a tattered black towel on his head, Tazz STILL has it! I'm sick to DEATH of listening to Jerry Lawler screech on and on about Extremely Crappy Wrestling and cannot WAIT to see The Human Suplex Machine choke him the fuck OUT.
Say it with me…hoo-RAH! – Making The Miz the host of SD! was a stroke of genius! Check out how he hyped that crowd and got them hot pimping the evening's goings-on. The fans are echoing his hoo-RAH (and I got sucked in, too, big time!). When Palmer Cannon got sick of taking swirlies from Bradshaw and bailed out of WWE, I was afraid The Miz was going to be left without a foil and stood to lose a lot of momentum, but the fans were all over this and he totally delivered. I maintain, this kid could have a VERY bright future!
Seeing as how optimism is the operative this week – I have VERY mixed feelings about Kurt Angle leaving SD! for ECW. It troubles me that a man whose health hangs by a thread is involving himself in an environment which will demand him to step up his game as opposed to protecting him and force him to increase rather than decrease his road schedule (it's my opinion that giving WWECW the company's most stringent road schedule is absolutely foolish, because it was the exact opposite that allowed the original incarnation's talent to perform at such a demanding level in the first place…and that was a decade ago, when they were much younger…now, with age slipping away from them, they're forced to maintain the same level of performance, at a schedule most of them have never worked in their lives? Ah, the benevolence of Vince McMahon…), and then CUT HIS PAY on top of it?
However, these are really Angle's own personal decisions and, ultimately, if his competitive nature is writing a check his body can't cash, he'll have to deal with that himself (let the record show, though, that, as huge a fan of My Olympic Hero as I am, I'd much rather he be as healthy all the way around for as long as humanly possible out of the ring, as opposed to paralyzing himself or worse in it). What, in this role as a professional wrestling analyst, is my concern is how Angle's transition to ECW will be portrayed and whether or not it will succeed.
Although I've had my doubts, what I've seen thus far is amazing and I have absolutely no problems with it at all, other than my own selfishness and bewilderment over exactly how McMahonagement can allow SD! to lose Chris Benoit, Kurt Angle and Randy Orton within two weeks' of one another. I mean, OW. I understand and appreciate the fact that ECW could really use some well-known, established talent to help, in turn, establish itself, and the fact that Angle and The Big Show were selected to defect does NOT surprise me at ALL. Consider that, when Heyman held the SD! book back in 2002, it was he who gave himself both these men to lead in his own on-air managerial role in his quest to vanquish Brock Lesnar and, considering the quality manner in which he guided both men, both in front of and behind the camera, I have absolutely no doubts that we're going to be in for a HELL of a ride. It's just that, with Chris Jericho, Rob Van Dam, Steve Austin, The Rock, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle all gone from Raw and SD!, with the exceptions of dX on Raw and Booker T on SD!, there's precious little keeping me from thinking that the new nights for wrestling on my TV aren't Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Okay, Larry convinced me to make this Right – I hate this fucking leprechaun business. I hated it even before I even saw it. I was torn this week, because the squash we had involving Finlay (against a buddy of Larry's as it turns out!) was amazing, then we had little Lucky come out again and make a laughing stock of it all. However, what Larrold helped me realize is that, as he'd reported last week, the whole reason for the leprechaun was that John Laurenitis (that's probably spelled wRong, and I don't give a wet fart if it is), the dickweed who succeeded Jim Ross as the "head" of Talent Relations in WWE (because of his uncanny ability to bring Vince to orgasm with a simple rim job, not because, you know, he's GOOD at his job, erm, position, um, ah, you know what I mean) is a bitter fucktard, jealous over the fact that one of his peers has come out of retirement and gotten over in the modern age, when he himself couldn't make waves in a wading pool after a case of pork-n-beans. So he suggested to Vince (pillow talk, friends, pillow talk) that Finlay needed some green hearts, yellow moons and emerald bullshit to spice up his act. "Please, Vinnie…?" he begged, fluttering his eyelashes and wiggling his tongue. And so, here we are.
Thing is, though, Begorrah! Finlay actually appears to be keeping his heat as a tough son of a gun while getting his Little Person over, as well. So I say, pull out the stops! Pull the plug tired OLD Piper and give Finlay and Mini-Fini (to quote a sign in the crowd) their own interview segment! Call it Finlay's Pub, have Mini-Fini serving draught Guinness behind the bar singing "Danny Boy". Hell, let em do a cover of "Just The Two Of Us" from The Spy Who Shagged Me and watch the fans eat it up, as long as Finlay heads directly to the ring and beats the piss out of some poor sod directly afterward. Anything, as long as Finlay's still over and Johnny Ass is left up in his ivory office pulling out his hair screaming, "I hate meeces to pieces!"
The wRong:
"Hi, my name is Bobby Lashley…" – "and I not only pray to God and Baby Jesus that my Tito Santana, sugary-sweet babyface routine doesn't eventually John Cena up in my face, but I also want to make clear that Bubbles the chimp, Elizabeth Taylor and Macauley Culkin are all with me in spirit each and every time I step into the ring to defend my new United States Title." With this guy's voice, I swear, I am not gonna let up on my campaign to bring in Ron Simmons as his mouthpiece. As Steve Austin might say, "Come on, son, put a little BASS in your voice!"
Seriously, though, I can actually see a future in sickening promos like the one we had tonight. See, at first, it's all well and good, because at this point, Lashley could walk down to the ring in a shirt that says "Fuck the troops" waving a gay pride flag and still get a pop. However, keep this little routine going for a couple months and he's bound to go the route of another glad-handing, baby-kissing face named Rocky Maivia. The fans will turn, and it'll give Lashley a reason to get bitter, feel alienated and pull a "you can't turn on me, cuz I turn on YOU first!" move. It smells to me as if we could be seeing McMahonagement attempting to manipulate the fans into helping it create a new Rock in Lashley. If they can pull that off, I will stand and applaud.
Jesus, what is this, Global?! – What's with all these cut-aways to the crowd? It makes SD! look cheap and Indy, like, "Yuh-HUH, there are TOO people in the audience!" Yeah, Joey Styles gets booted from Raw because he's not sports-entertainment enough, but we can cut from the action so we can chronicle some kid checking his camera phone. Awesome. Now, cutting to the crowd is really effective at times, such as was the case when Big Drippy was in front of that little kid, as I mentioned earlier, but it must be done selectively and it has to have meaning, otherwise it gets the feeling that the company is saying, "Say, uh, come to our show and we'll put you on TV, just ACT like you're having fun, kay…?"
The Ridiculous:
Poor Vito – Just let the guy go if you're gonna do him like this. Allow him to keep his dignity and not make him up to look like Andy Dick's next Comedy Central Roast date.
My apologies…
I had literally no time for sleep this week, much less be able to work on continuing the brand split proposal. Not even in college did I go an entire week with this little sleep all the way through the week…I am seriously starting to hallucinate. Add to that the fact that typing even this much has been torment, as I managed, in my anti-somnambulist delirium, nearly to lop of the tip of my left index finger chopping scallions…as a hunt-and-pecker (make your own joke), I've had to elevate my index finger and type with my bird and I'm cramping like a double-jointed, menstruating crack whore. I shall pick it up next week…in the meantime, listen to the WWE vs. ECW: Head-To-Head podcast!
Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: yostankmama@hotmail.com
RAW!:
Raw 06.05.06: Raw gets hammered hard from me this week because with the special and PPV coming they needed to hit a homerun in my opinion, but at best scored a double.
The Right:
Angle and Orton: Practicing Continuity - I know a lot of people are not happy about this, and I understand. With the open challenge people got their hopes up, due to the Heyman promo about a 4 or 6-sided ring. That was merely foreshadowing of the future because they signed Turkay and many think the return of Rhino is imminent. The other thing is that people are complaining that this is too much of a WWE match for the ECW show. But to me the match does make sense. Here is why this makes sense, follow me here kids.
Kurt Angle broke Randy Orton's ankle (Storyline.)
Randy Orton will obviously want revenge.
Kurt Angle is drafted to ECW.
Kurt Angle then issues an open challenge.
It is ALSO said that anyone who wants to jump to ECW can.
Randy Orton returns, coming through the crowd attacks Kurt Angle, because if he plans on staying on Smackdown, this open challenge will be the only way that he will be able to get revenge on him for the ankle break, which started this all!
And there we go children, practicing continuity! For as much as I bash the E for their lack of continuity, and their liberal use of it in the worst of circumstances, I need to praise them for this little bit. As much as some fans hate this match for the ECW PPV, it WAS an open challenge and it does make totally sense. This match has the potential to be the MOTN. Orton will have his working boots on, as he wants to impress coming off of his suspension. Angle also wants to prove that he is the man and can go in that environment. One of two things will happen. Angle will win to kick off his ECW run in a huge way, or an ECW alumni or new star will cost him the match to set a new feud and give Orton some momentum for his return. I'll go with the latter.
The signing and the set up - This will be very odd as this segment will be discussed in three of the R's, but follow me because it makes sense I promise. I dug the contract signing. I liked that they had Heyman out there for RVD to help his lack of verbal skills, while Coach was the WWE representative. There was some great back and forth during this segment, Cena in particular was great this week on his promo. This part here was the best part of the interview: "Passionate fans hahaha? You damn right, because you are looking at an ECW fan. Paul, I watched and respected everything ECW did for the business. And RVD, just because I have to go to your house and play by your rules and get booed out of the Hammerstein Ballroom, I won't just lay down jack. Don't get me wrong, everyone knows you will fight for ECW, but you need to understand that I have fought and bled to keep this title mine. I have been in cages and regret nothing and fear less. Along the way I have been booed out of building, but I have the nuts to stare the devil in the face and smile. Get your mind right, this could be your one chance at this soldier. I am ready to strike, and ay ONS, my target…**Cena signs** is RVD, good luck…I'll see you Sunday."
That was great stuff there, but it got better. Paul E had a little surprise for Cena, not only would he get some ECW flavor on Wednesday, but he would get a little sample tonight. Balls, Sandman, Dreamer, and Funk all hit the ring. Cena dropped the line, "Paul let me guess, they are here for my signature…well if I am going out…I'm going out swinging… " Cena then tried to take the attack to them, but ate a STIFF cane shot from Sandman and got busted open. Sabu ran out and…well, that's for another R.
puRgatoRy:
First Looks: The Highlanders and Harry Smith - First impressions are very important in anything, and this week we got some impressions from 3-new superstars in Raw. I am not going to completely bury what they did with them, but I was less than impressed I'll just say. First of all we got a video package introducing us to the Highlanders, the new tag team for Raw. We saw two guys dressed in outdated Scottish garb, with bad Scottish accents (I think these guys are actually Canadian,) looking like a couple of idiots at New York City tourist attractions. Seriously, this is the best they could do? Sure it was wacky and humorous, but these were two big guys making their first big impression. Why didn't they get some footage of them going to some highland games and tossing poles, drinking grog and eating humus from a freshly slain lamb or what the fuck ever they do there?
And then there was young Harry Smith. Some of you are saying, "Larry, Harry Smith wasn't on Raw last night." Oh but you are wrong. Harry was assigned as part of the job crew to run off the ECW crew. Now this is doesn't seem like a big deal to some, but it made him look like just another guy, and considering his lineage, talents and the expectations they have for him, I feel that this was the wrong thing to do. In the long run it may not make a difference, hence the puRgatoRy placement.
The signing and the set up were good, but the execution… - Now above I praised the segment, and I should have because it was a strong segment I thought. But the early impressions of ECW have to be strong ones, and well, Sabu's flub was not good news. Some people think that this is no big deal, but regular fans know what a fuck up is. The fact that he almost missed Cena and the table barely fell down did not look good. Also, this was an extremely dangerous situation to put Cena in just days before the PPV. Sabu is used to smaller ring (by 2-feet and tight cable ropes, not the fed's loose rope ropes) and that is another reason this didn't work. Also, what a piss poor way this was to re-debut Sabu. Just have him run out like another guy. No lights out, no excitement for the crowd, just a guy in baggy pants looking old. It may not be a big deal in the long run, but something like this could really turn people off to the ECW guys, hence the puRgatoRy placement.
The wRong:
The overall wrestling on Raw… - …Sucked ass. This was the most bland and not exciting display of wrestling they have put on in a long time. Let's look at this on a match-by-match basis, shall we?
Shelton vs. Carlito: They gave no reason why they were having a match, just that they were and it was non-title. They didn't even play up their history, they were just 2-guys having a match. Shelton continues to flounder as a heel while Carlito prospers as a face, but in the end neither have any direction. BLAH match, but hopefully this will lead to then having a match at Vengeance and then doing something with both men. A bit over 4-minutes.
HHH vs. Big Show: All storyline, I am ok here. 1-minute.
Eugene vs. Matt Striker: See below, this gets it's own R. Just over 1-minute.
Kane vs. Blackjack Cade: Nothing match, where Kane killed Cade deader than he already is. Oh by the way, Murdoch and Cade are back together dontcha know. Cade wins via count out so that Evil Kane could beat up Regular Kane. Just about 2-minutes.
Charlie Haas vs. Johnny Nitro: This match sucked the life from the crowd, this match was a black hole of charisma. Haas is just so bland and has no direction right now, and is in need of that and I still think a heel turn would help. Hs night started off bad with knocking Lillian off of the apron, and he ironically lost when he checked on Melina, who was faking an injury. Nitro did do the greatest monkey flip ever though, but this was blah. A bit over 4 minutes.
Victoria vs. Beth: Sloppy, Sloppy, sloppy and it seemed like it went 10-minutes, it was only 3.
So we had 15-Minutes of wrestling this week, and all of it basically bad or totally uninspired. I know that they have the special Wednesday and the PPV Sunday, but this is seriously the best that they could give us this week? Give me a fucking break.
The Ridiculous:
Eugene vs. Striker and…oh Lord…Hacksaw? - Do I really need to explain this? Do I? DO I? Striker can talk, but isn't given the chance to get over or to get into a real feud. Eugene is a waste of space and should not be on my TV. So they have another meaningless match in which Eugene wins, because his "tutor" Hacksaw Jim Duggan has been teaching him. What a load of shit. The only thing that makes it worse? It appears as if Hacksaw will have a short feud with Umaga. UMAGA. And they wonder why no one gives a flying fuck. As Sheiky would say, "DON'T INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE…IMMA PROFESSIONAL!"
The Ri-GOD-DAMN-diculous:
Ass backwards booking…or…Vince and HHH jerk each other off because they think that they are the most important part of the show while ECW still comes off as tossed together. - The one thing that really sunk in during the show was what angles were important. Vince and His Ass, that was important. HHH potentially kissing Vince's Ass, that was important. Shane talking to Vince and or HHH about Ass kissing, that was important. That shit dominated the show; that shit was made to be the important "show long" storyline. WHAT THE FUCK? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 1,000 FUCKING TIMES NO! Why did this get so much attention? Because we aren't supposed to give two flying shits about the WWE title and or the ECW special and or PPV. They did that deal first, and then that was about it. Sure we got some clips saying the special was this week and that the PPV was Sunday, but they waited until this week and did a piss poor job of making this seem like it meant anything. It is pathetic that they can't pull their ego from their asses and realize what they are doing wrong. I MOCK THEE!
HHH is so smart~! - You know, I like HHH, but the last 2-weeks something has totally annoyed me. Why is he now the smartest man on the roster? The Spirit Squad killed HBK, yet HHH is able to survive and fend them off with the sledgehammer. Then this week, HHH is magically smart enough to switch the water, while HBK was made to look like an idiot months ago when he got his drink tainted. Sure you could say that he learned from HBK's mistake, but the fact is that he comes off looking like the smartest man in the world and HBK looks like an idiot. It just really bothered me this week, so I vented. Hoorah.
iMpact!:
iMpact 06.08.06: Since you bitches complained!
The Right:
The King of the Mountain is Complete, and while Steiner didn't make it in, he's gonna get what's coming to him! - This week we completed the lineup for the King of the Mountain match for Slammiversary. Sting and Steiner had a very surprising match last night, surprising in that many thought it would suck ass. It didn't at all and was actually booked very smartly. They had to do the DQ deal so that Steiner would be strong going into Slammiversary as well, due to the match that was made next and Sting had to win to continue the feud with Jarrett. All in all a good deal here and the match should be a good on eat the PPV with the heat of Sting and JJ, the athletics of Killings, the wildness of Abyss and the do anything to keep the belt attitude of Cage.
So after Steiner is pissed, he won't leave and that is where Joe came out for his squash match, which we never got because he and Steiner had a badass pull apart. It looked great and people were so into it that this is So the right choice for TNA to run with. Joe is at the cusp of becoming the first true star that TNA has made, and since they announced the match for Slammiversary with Steiner, this is his chance.
I shouldn't like this…but damn if I do! - I should hate the Nash stuff, but it is so damn funny. This week he and Shelley had another segment. They said that Sabin fell right into the trap. He had a chart explaining the master plan, which was just glorious. Nash then said they will scout Sabin's match later on in the evening, and they would make sure that Sabin knew it. They accomplished that with one of those giant lifts, and they were higher than the back row of the crowd. Great stuff. .Next week Nash will have a warm up with a "Sabin like star." He told Shelley that he is supposed to find a Sabin clone so he can make his debut in the X-Division in a "size matters on a pole match." Shelley was amazed and chanted for Nash and even included a Joey Lawrence style "WHOA." This was all great, and if it leads to Nash REALLY putting over Sabin strong then it is all worth it. Shelley is also benefiting, as he had all the tools, but these videos and associations with Jarrett, Mitchell and Nash have really brought him to the front of the line, ahead of many TNA home-growns.
The wRong:
The LAX stuff, again - I complained about this above for last week's episode and I will again for this week's. This week not only did they do some meaningless cut-ins to the "LAX Table" but they had Konnan do commentary with West and Tenay. First of all this sucked because it totally took away from a fun little Sonjay Dutt vs. Jerrelle Clark match. Those guys were working hard, but most of the time they were focused on the announce table that had Konnan yelling at Tenay and West about the LAX being oppressed. He then started yelling insider terms and said he didn't care and it was just a 4-minute segment that could have been just a fun little X-Division match, but instead we got 4-minutes of cluster fuck that in the long run won't mean jack shit. I get it, you're pissed and are picketing until you get a meaningful match or what the fuck ever.
The Ridiculous:
Team 3D wants you to watch ECW! - So they go to "The Arena," a place that they will be running this weekend, don't promote the show and bring up all that history again. They will only be running there one time, while the NEW ECW will be going there to be ECW in the building where it was born. This is stupid, this is free advertising for the New ECW and you will not change my mind. I have said this thousands of times, ACT LIKE YOU ARE THE ONLY COMPANY IN THE UNITED STATES. Stop bringing up your competition, stop giving them what amounts to free advertising. Focus on your promotion, your guys and what is going on right now, not in the past. We already know your past guys, you don't have to remind us. It can only take you so far. Make a NEW name for yourself here in TNA.
The Ri-GOD-DAMN-diculous:
I have to… - While this may not seem like a huge deal to many of you, this is to me. TNA has 2-house shows coming up in June, one in Philly and one in Atlantic City. They had 2-house shows in Mooresville and Greensboro. I have not seen advertisement ONE for these shows or even heard a mention of them on Impact. This is unacceptable in my eyes. This company is 4-years old (almost) and is finally doing a small amount of touring/house shows. You cannot rely on the Internet and word of mouth to make these shows a success. They did some promotion for the House Show in Detroit, and drew anywhere from 3,300-3,700 people. They have ran over 10 shows through Sadler's UWF and what is the common line? "Show's attendance was anywhere from 450-600 people." Why is that? Because they don't promote these shows worth a damn. Some tell me that TNA shouldn't because they are sold shows ran through the UWF, I say bullshit! You advertise these things out the ass, you get the TNA name out there more and you work your hardest to get 3,000 people a show. If they could get 3,000 paid a show, that would be GREAT and only be a good thing for the company. Also, they sell ALL of these shows on DVD, and they go out pretty quick. TNA needs to get more of a relationship with them, they need to talk to Sadler and make the UWF a bigger deal, hell, make it their DEVELOPMENTAL. Put a school together, have D'Amore relocate, you have Cornette coming; this could work, but that's another rant I suppose. Anyway, they should have 2-4 drops, 30-seconds long promoting these shows and promoting them big time.
RetRo ECW One Night Stand 2005!:
Match Results:
Match #1 – Lance Storm defeated "Lionheart" Chris Jericho @ 7:30 via pin **½
Match #2 – Super Crazy defeated Tajiri and Little Guido @ 6:20 via pin **
Match #3 – Rey Mysterio Jr. defeated Psicosis @ 6:35 via pin **½
Match #4 – Sabu defeated Rhino @ 6:30 via pin **
Match #5 – "The Crippler" Chris Benoit defeated Eddie Guerrero @ 10:40 via pin ***½
Match #6 – Mike Awesome defeated Masato Tanaka @ 10:10 via pin****
Match #7 – The Dudley Boys defeated Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman @ 10:08 via pin ***
The Right:
Awesome vs. Tanaka - So who expected this to be the match of the night? Raise your hands? JUST ABOUT NO ONE! I thought that they would try to work their old "ECE/FMW" style match, but with Awesome's bad knees (which he apparently re-injured one of them) and the fact that he hasn't been putting on good matches lately, I didn't expect much. What we got was CLASSIC Awesome vs. Tanaka! Tanaka is one crazy bastard as he almost got killed with that Awesome Bomb to the floor through the table, as well as the numerous chair shots he took and shrugged off. They did nothing short of busting their Asses and what we got was another installment of what was a great ECW feud. Match of the night without a doubt.
The Main Event - That was one of the most overbooked, cluster fucks of a match I have ever seen…AND IT WAS GLORIOUS! Four of ECW's biggest stars chosen to close the show match wise, and say what you will about Sandman and Dreamer "not looking in shape" but they were hell bent on doing their best. Sandman's entrance is still quite possible the coolest, and most over thing in wrestling today. They did everything you would expect, blood, weapons, big bumps and it worked to perfection. They went totally crazy with Impact Players run in, Francine, Beulah, CAT FIIIGHT, Kash, the BWO, LITTLE SPIKE, canes, flaming tables and everything! That was awesome, and really felt like a true ECW moment. OH TESTIFY!!!!!! I have watched the show multiple times, 3 as of Monday afternoon and it was plain fun!
The Invasion - I know I wasn't that happy about it at first, but I feel in the end that it worked out Extremely well. Bishoff, Angle and JBL all played their parts to perfection on the mic, as well as just through reaction. The camera caught them during matches, and watching JBL love seeing Awesome and Tanaka kill themselves, as well as Bishoff having the Raw guys turn their backs on the ECW matches were just those little things that get something like this over. We got the big brawl, and in the end ECW stood tall. Tazz got the TAZZMISSION on Angle to a HUGE pop, and the pop he got when he came out was huge as well. FTW BABY! What was even better was as Foley drug Bishoff to the ring, the Raw guys REFUSED to save him! What kind of actions will Eric take tonight on Raw? Will ECW invade further? Who is first Raw or Smackdown or both? Lots of good things that keep the doors open for further angles, which is the perfect way to leave it. Don't make it where you HAVE to finish something, but leave yourself the option.
RVD and Heyman Shoot…daddy! - ECW was always the rebel promotion, and they always took shots at the big boys, so no ECW reunion show would be complete without that. Both Paul E and RVD gave excellent, emotional and to a point perfect promos for the show. There is something lost in promos period these days a lot of the time, and that is because a lot of things are so scripted and some guys just go through the motions. These interviews tonight were a breath of fresh air. I loved the pot shots they took at the SD and Raw guys, and the crowd ate it up. This was the perfect time to do these, and either RVD gets fired, or the push of his life out of this.
The wRong:
A little something missing - Not so much a wrong so to speak, but maybe there were to high of expectations going in. The first 3 matches just seemed to be a little flat in the "work" department. They weren't bad at all, and as I said, maybe I expected way too much. Benoit and Eddie, while good, just seemed to be a little off. Also, I don't understand in the tribute how they forgot to mention Rick Rude, Louie Spicolli, Brian Pillman and Eddie Gilbert! Those were GLARING omissions in my opinion. No offense to this man, but I don't even remember Mike Lozanski! Also, while it didn't affect my enjoyment, I really wish Terry Funk, Shane Douglas and Raven could have been there. Little stuff in retrospect, but something that needed to be said.
The Ridiculous:
Joey Styles - I was surprised that Styles could commentate so well, considering he had Vince's Genetic Jackhammer in his mouth half the night. Nothing was worse than him portraying Mike Awesome as "ECW's Judas" and a sell out when…wait…HE SOLD OUT TO VINCE to do this show! It just needs mentioning, as I have felt this way for a while. Styles did a great commentary job I will say and did "shoot" a bit. He did a good job, but I found it very funny that he commented on Awesome that was after saying that he would NEVER do the One Night Stand show.
Closing PPV Thoughts at the time:
Overall this show was a fucking blast and one of the best shows in terms of entertainment in a long time! If you didn't order it, get the replay, buy the DVD and sit back and enjoy! This show had emotion, passion and everything put on the line from all involved, and that really seems to be missing from the WWE these days, and if they can inject some of this into their regular TV and PPV's, I think we as wrestling fans will be better for it.
READER RANT TIME~!
From 411's own Chris Clarke -
The three Rs - good as always this week. A thought about the lack of TNA promotion though. TNA is not promoting these shows - they're
selling their concept to other promoters, not directly running the shows themselves (i.e. - like Vince does). If these promoters wanted them to promote these shows on Spike, they'd have to pay for those rights as well. If Dixie Carter & co were running these shows themselves, not only would they promote them, they would be restricted to TNA Talent (i.e. - you wouldn't see Maven, or likely even Jeff Hardy on these shows). A local promoter is paying for the rights to the 6-sided ring, and the rights to promote as a TNA-show, but they're not TNA "touring" per se, therefore no Spike time for them! (I agree it's stupid though - it's just another missed opportunity for greater expansion no matter what.)
"(I agree it's stupid though - it's just another missed opportunity for greater expansion no matter what.)" That's my point exactly dude.
Finally from Charlie on TNA house shows and Raw -
I haven't written in for a while. I had to find a new job and relocate to Richmond. I just wanted to tell you that I drove down to Raleigh, met up with my college roommate and headed to Greensboro last weekend for the TNA event. It was great. I got the Ultimate Experience. I really enjoyed meeting Team
Canada, Traci Brooks, Matt Bentley, and Monty Brown. Chris Harris is HUGE, but he was kind of a dick though. I think he's pissed because apparently James Storm shows up late to these things all the time. One interesting thing was BG James was supposed to team with Kip, but he came out and said something to Kip, asking him if he had a ride, and then apparently he and Killings got into an argument and BG left. Killings is one of my favorite wrestlers, and
the crowd was insane for him. I appreciate Sadler doing all this stuff. The Jersey Mike's subs were good too. My only complaint to TNA is (and this actually hurts me in the end) can't they get a bigger arena. I felt sorry for the wrestlers because there were maybe 200-300 people there(estimated) and it was in a hot as hell Boys and Girls Club. I truly feel for you man, I was in that Carolina sun playing golf last Sunday and I was baked Kramer style(Stick a fork in me Jerry. I'm done). All in all the coolest things was seeing such high quality wrestling that close.
I have to tell you. Even with the Kane stuff and the repetitive booking, I am really psyched for Raw each week. For the first time in a while it seems like anything can happen. After reading your article it did make me realize how many opportunities they are missing, but hell, they got me truly interested. Also, I recently joined Netflix and recommend it to all wrestling fans as it is a good way to get wrestling videos that are either too expensive or not available in your area. I watched the ECW One Night Stand from last year and I thought it was lacking especially because I had just seen The Rise and Fall of ECW, which was amazing. ONS had some great promos and some good matches, but I think they needed to bring more of the main guys back. Shane and Raven really needed to be there, but I'm very excited about ECW coming back because the angles that happened in ECW from the Rise and Fall dvd looked awesome. Anyway man, sorry for the long email, but take care of yourself and thanks
again for all the writing you do around 411.
Don't feel bad dude, hell, some WWE house shows only draw 1,000 so it isn't a big deal. They get paid, do what they love and are having fun. Sure, bigger crowds would be tremendous for them, but you have to take what you get when you get it.
Also, glad you are enjoying Raw. Some people think I want to change peoples minds, but that is not the case. These are my opinions on how I think things could go better, so good on you.
