Double M’s Rasslin’ Report 06.10.06
Posted by Michael Melchor on 06.10.2006
Believe it or not, a (mostly) ECW-free Report. Yeah, I went there.
The safest way to double your money is to fold it in your pocket. Hey there and thanks for checking in. Or clicking on. Or what have you. I'm sure you notice that your normal Master of ceremonies for Saturday, Mr. Ryan Boman, is absent. He had some things to do late in the week that demanded quite a bit of his time, so, once again, I offered to pitch in and help him out.
Here is where I would normally make a gag about his "Bring Back Melchor" campaign and how I swear a conspiracy is being played out, but, if it was a grand plan, then it worked. Kinda. But we'll get to all that at the end. First, we have business to discuss…
Mail Call
I had a good letter from our own Peter "VIOLENTAAH PAAAHHNNDDAAAAAAHHHHHH" Kent about how the direction the new ECW is going in may not be so hot based on some of the points I made last time I was here. I'm still trepidatious about this whole thing, but now I see a little hope.
At least, I did this past Wednesday. The WWE vs. ECW special on USA came off pretty well, I must say. I dunno about the idea of Big Show joining the roster (other than the point that JD Dunn made about Heyman having his own 911 again), but the overall feel came off rather well. It's a plus in their favor at this point – and will be an even bigger one of they can keep it that way.
Speaking of which, I'm a little over the fact that ECW is all anyone can talk about right now. Aside from this and a small mention in It Ain't 1998, But It's All We Got, there'll be none of that talk here. Partly because everything there is to say has already been said by other people and partly due to the fact that I'd like to see how much other actual news is out there.
Okay, This Is Boring – What Else Is There To Read?
I called My Favorite Writer™ (and co-Editor of the Rasslin' Zone) to let him know about this week's pitch hit – right in the middle of the show he was covering in the link above. Felt like such an idiot; shoulda known Larry would be reporting on that. Hell, he does everything else.
The Ballz Mahoney to my Axl Rotten is having issues with TSN's program schedule. I say ignore it and let the other viewers figure out when everything comes on. They're grown people; let ‘em act like it.
My Home Zone continues to do well (controversy over the WWE Wreckless Intent review notwithstanding).
It Ain't 1998, But It's All We Got
Impact scored a 1.06 (since when did we start breaking these down into the hundredths of points?), with a particular interest in the "2.1 rating among males 25-34, a 1.2 among males 18-49 and a 1.7 among males 18-34 for the hour, which are record numbers for that timeslot on Spike. Overall 1.2 million people watched the show." Slow but sure growth, it looks like. Nothing wrong with that at all.
Meanwhile, Raw went back up to the 4.0 mark, while the forgotten bastard stepchild SmackDown hit a 2.4. The ECW interest may have helped some, as the rating for that "head-to-head" battle scored a 3.1.
Speaking of ECW, those three letters seem to be a point of contention with some of TNA's talent. No, no controversial backstage stories of contract releases or anything of the like. Hell, all you have to do is watch the show and hear Shane Douglas and The Dudley Boyz Team 3D blast the idea of resurrecting the ol' Bingo Hall Promotion That Could. Cute, but ultimately futile. Not to mention bitter, as I'm willing to bet ALL of them wish they were under a WWE contract while this was happening. Except for Douglas, who hates McMahon more than anyone I can think of.
The Rest Of The News That's Fit To Post
· Okay, I know the ECW revival is all the rage, but that shit can wait for a moment. The passing of John "Earthquake" Tenta ranks a lot higher than that. Csonka wrote an excellent tribute – better than I ever could. But, while I wasn't a huge fan of his (and laughed like everyone else when he kept switching names), the man did show me something important about wrestling at one point in his career.
This isn't about his updates and interviews on WrestleCrap where people got to him know him better. Honestly, I read them once and took them for granted like a lot of shit I read on here. No, this happened on TV – and is something the man is well-known for.
I was a big fan of Jake "The Snake" Roberts way back when (still am, as I got his DVD for Christmas and was pleased as punch when I did). I had already liked Earthquake simply because he put Hulk Hogan out of action and turned his "good friend", Tugboat, against him (yes, I was young enough to still fall for the suspension of disbelief). I hated Hogan even back then, and Earthquake had scored some points by fucking with him.
Afterward, though, Tenta moved on to Roberts, as he was one of apparently many that was deathly afraid of snakes. Unlike Andre, however, who ran in fear, Earthquake did something about it.
He squashed Damien right in front of Roberts in a move designed to gain Earthquake some major heel heat and make the feud with Roberts white-hot.
While McMahon and the announcers played off the incident as the most horrible thing to happen in human history, my reaction was one I didn't expect at all. Instead of being horrified or enraged like I was supposed to be...
I laughed. I laughed hard and long. What was in front of me was one of the most ridiculous things I had seen not only in wrestling, but, at that point in my life, ever. In fact, for the rest of that week, I periodically laughed at random thinking about it.
It hit me after that; even if we're supposed to take it seriously, not everything in wrestling should be taken that way. That was painfully obvious – and funny – with the "murder" of an innocent bag of sausage snake.
Between that and his intro to the first WrestleCrap book where he makes the opint about how guys suffer through some terrible gimmicks but hold their heads high in the name of providing for their families, John "Earthquake" Tenta taught me to see the lighter side of our sport every now and again. In turn, that led to things like appreciating the Rock's promos and DX's skits and the team of Gene Snitsky and Goldust.
Rest In Peace, Earthquake. You've earned that much after suffering through years of cancer and still keeping your head high and your smile intact. If only Damien could say the same.
A little later on, the blond Victoria Beth Phoenix fractured her jaw in her match and will need "oral surgery". Think clean thoughts, chum.
· Paul London is out with a staph infection. Considering we lost Chris Candido to something similar, I hope he's careful. I'm sure his legions of fans are in mourning – if there are any left after how bad he's been misused over the last few years.
· And finally, after all the hype about the date, there was only one casualty on 6/6/06 – Road Warrior Animal was released on that day. Let's see, they got the nostalgia pop – and cash – out of him already, they have nothing better to do with him...his usefulness is up, so out the door he goes, only to make sporadic appearances from here on out. Ask Hulk Hogan about that pattern.
Happy Trails
Wow – four other decent stories and nearly nothing about ECW. How many others of those did you notice this week?
4 – You WERE paying attention~!
3 – Okay, I don't blame you for missing the Paul London story...
2 – You may want to wipe off that black and red Kool-Aid moustache.
1 – Lemme guess – you live in Philadelphia, right?
0 – Maybe the Kool Aid you're drinking is, indeed, Paul E's urine.
If I missed a late-breaking story or two, I at least have an excuse. I'm having to turn this puppy in on Friday afternoon to get ready to head to Charlotte, NC over the weekend. NIN and (especially) Bauhaus, here I come.
Anyway, Thank yeh for hangin' in with me. Next week, Ryan will be back in this spot…and so will I. That's right – the trend of multiple authors continues when Ryan and I give it a go with your co-authored Saturday News Report. The Flipside Rasslin' Report, The Flippin' M…we're still working out details. In seven days, though, we'll have them ironed out in time to assault your sensibilities with twice the bad taste. I know you can't wait.
