The Goodness 07.13.06: Hulk, Hulk, Go Away
Posted by on 07.13.2006
Hulk Hogan returns, again, this Saturday night. Who has two thumbs and doesn't care? This guy.
Let me begin by admitting that when Hulk Hogan returned to the WWF in 2002 on Raw, I was as excited as a grown man could possibly be with his clothes on. I can picture the entire night like it was yesterday. Me and my buddies were juniors in college and, as we play poker for sips of beer and shots of Southern Comfort, we left Raw on. We waited. We anticipated. And when Hogan appeared, we lost it. I don't think my friends were the wrestling nuts that I was and have become, but they liked it. What kid growing up in the 1980's into the 1990's didn't at least watch a little bit of wrestling? Everyone knew who Hulk Hogan was and it was great to see him home. Then the Rock challenged him to a match at WrestleMania X8 that solidified, once and for all, that Hulk Hogan was indeed the biggest pro wrestling superstar in history.
There was just one problem with the reaction of the Skydome crowd that night. It should have been Hogan's farewell, by going out on top with arguably the loudest, most insane crowd support in the history of pro wrestling. No one who watched that match between the Rock and Hulk Hogan will ever forget it. Like Michael Jordan hitting the game-winning shot to beat the Jazz in 1998 finals, that match should have been Hogan's farewell. But Jordan came back. Hogan, on the other hand, just won't go away.
Yes, I'm mentioning this because Hulk Hogan is slated to appear on Saturday Night's Main Event with his desperate-for-attention daughter Brooke. Wow, color me unimpressed. If you watched Raw this Monday, you saw Randy Orton practically telling the world he's going to try to get in little Brooke's panties. Family entertainment, no? Orton's been quoted in various interviews saying he wants Hogan at next year's WrestleMania and the rumors are already starting that Hogan/Orton is going to take place at SummerSlam. I really, really don't care.
Last year, Hogan and Shawn Michaels had a fairly entertaining feud throughout the summer leading into their match at last year's SummerSlam. There was only one problem -- Shawn did everything. Shawn turned heel. Shawn turned in some of the best in-ring promos the WWE has ever seen. When he gave his promo in Montreal last year, teasing Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan, to the point the crowd was on the verge of rioting, that was entertainment. The match between the two was okay, you know for one of the best wrestlers in the world trying to make a 60-year old man with two bad knees and two bad hips look competent. And yes, Hogan won.
The word on the street is that Hogan's return to WWE television was necessitated by the WWE desperate to get a good rating on NBC because the first return of Saturday Night's Main Event bombed in the ratings. Isn't that interesting? McMahon, according to several sources, has been telling people that John Cena is the next Hogan or Austin and should be treated like such. But when the E is desperate for attention, do they go to Cena? Do they go to any of their current stars? Nope, they go to a wrestler literally 20 years passed his prime.
Could you imagine, in any other sport, a league pushing old washed-up players as something exciting? Every professional sports league in this country is constantly pumping up the new stars -- LeBron, Wade and Carmelo in the NBA, Reggie Bush in the NFL, Sidney Crosby in the NHL and the litany of young stars in baseball's All-Star Game. These leagues promote the future. Sure, Shaq is great and he's a star, but he's been one forever -- it's now time for you to get to know Mr. Dwayne Wade. Why can't the WWE do this?
One of the best things the WWE ever did, after Hogan and a bunch of other wrestlers left in the mid-90's, was to basically start over. Young guys like Steve Austin, the Rock and Triple H were just sent out there and given a chance to make it. Now, yes, there are a few wrestlers from that period that were given the same chance and didn't make it but the chance was given. There was no old stars constantly hanging over them. They were given the proverbial ball and ran with it.
How can any wrestling fan, casual or hardcore, take today's crop of superstars seriously? I mean, the WWE is basically telling us NOT to care. They're telling us, by having guys like Hogan and Austin come back and beat up today's stars, that today's wrestlers aren't as good as those two. When Hulk Hogan comes back for one match a year and is instantly the Main Event, well, aren't you just saying today's wrestlers don't stack up?
It frustrates me as a wrestling fan because I think there's a lot of guys in the WWE today that could be just as big as any previous star if just given a chance. They gave John Cena a chance, but in the process watered him down and made him less appealing. Edge is champion but isn't treated like one. Shawn Michaels and Triple H have reformed D-X to take up most television time on Monday nights but they're already established superstars, they don't need anything.
It's the guys like Carlito who need something. It's guys like Johnny Nitro, Shelton Benjamin and Ken Kennedy that are the possible Wade, LeBron and Carmelo for pro wrestling. We get it -- Hulk Hogan was a big deal in the past. The past isn't today. Let's move on and focus on what the future will be.
And before I end this, just imagine how a non-wrestling fan is going to react when they see a commercial for Saturday Night's Main Event with Hulk Hogan. Doesn't the WWE and wrestling in general want to be cool? Nothing says cool like a 60-year old man, right? What does that person think? Lame. You don't see ABC bringing back Perfect Strangers, do you? Is Don Mattingly playing first for the Yankees next week? Of course not. Hulk, your time is up...go away!
