The Saturday Slim-To-None News Report 07.15.06
Posted by Scott Slimmer on 07.15.2006
I’ve got news! I’ve got opinions! I’ve got a rash that I should probably see a doctor about…
Welcome one and welcome all to another edition of the Saturday Slim-To-None News Report. I know, I know, technically this is only the first edition of the Saturday Slim-To-None News Report, but I'm not really what you would call a details guy. The truth of the matter is that the Slim-To-None News Report has become a bit of a traveling circus here at 411. It started out on a Sunday, popped up the next time on a Friday, returned to Sunday a couple of weeks ago, and now has landed on Saturday. Double M is having some technical difficulties this week, but the Rasslin' Report will return next week. Until then you're stuck with me. Hey, it could be worse. I mean, you could call Microsoft Customer Support and have the Great Khali answer the phone. You could get set up on a blind date with Mae Young. Or Vito. You could be standing in line for the Port-O-Pot and realize that the guy in front of you is Viscera. Eww…
It's probably better not to dwell on that last image for too long. Let's get to the news.
Wrestling News. It's Like Heroin for Dorks.
You all know that I'm 411's own Quintessential Stud Muffin, but you may not be aware that I'm also one hell of good news reporter. Baby, I'm a regular Renaissance Man. So here's the drill. I'll throw out a couple of the most recent news stories to make their way across the 411 newswire, and then I'll give you what I know you came for: my honest, sincere, and always thought provoking opinions. And we're off…
Topic Number One: TNA and SpikeTV take their relationship to the "next level." The following day at school, TNA is labeled a "stud" while SpikeTV is branded a "whore." Freaking double standard.
SpikeTV continues to be very pleased with TNA and there has been talk internally about increasing their relationship with the promotion. The fact that TNA recently retained much of their audience without the UFC lead-in, as well as the fact that Spike's new comedies and "Blade" series have not done that well in the ratings, has gotten TNA more over with Spike. Both sides are thinking of ways to expand their relationship. (07.14.06)
I should probably start by admitting that I'm not the world's biggest TNA fan. I've got much respect for many of the guys on the roster, but somehow the total package leaves me a bit underwhelmed. That's not a knock against TNA or any of its fans; it's just my personal preference. That being said, I think the fact that SpikeTV continues to be very pleased with TNA and is considering increasing their relationship with the promotion is great news. The fact of the matter is that I'm a HUGE WWE fan, but even I can admit that the current WWE product is, um, less than optimal, to say the least. A big part of the problem is that WWE hasn't really been in competition with another national wrestling promotion in more than five years. WWE was able to let its product deteriorate because many wrestling fans simply didn't have an alternative. TNA might just be able to solve that problem. TNA has yet to truly compete with WWE on a national level, but continuing to please SpikeTV and expanding their relationship with SpikeTV are definitely steps in the right direction. As TNA's exposure and popularity continue to grow, WWE will be forced to improve its product or simply fall by the wayside. Sure, I'm happy for TNA and wish them continued success, but my real excitement comes from the fact that brighter days may also await my beloved WWE.
Topic Number Two: Sinister Minister does a better tease than Kelly Kelly.
There is no truth to rumors that James Mitchell is negotiating with WWE, he is under a TNA contract. (07.14.06)
Okay, here's something that's bugging the hell out of me at the moment. I remember reading a couple of days ago that James Mitchell had been in contact with WWE about reprising his role as the Sinister Minister in ECW. Hey, I loved Mitchell as the Sinister Minister, so that little piece of news put a smile on my face. Then today I saw the news item I copied above disputing the Mitchell rumor. Okay, no big deal, I like the guy and all, but I'm not going to lose sleep over it. So as I started assembling this news report, I wanted to copy both the original story and the more recent correction. The problem is that I can't find the original story anywhere on 411. Seriously, this shit is driving me bananas. Did I just imagine reading the original story? Did Finlay's Leprechaun pull the story under the ring and beat it to within an inch of its life? Did Rob Feinstein leave the ECW Arena on June 24th, kidnap the story, and have his way with it? The world may never know…
Anyway, on to the actual story itself. As I said above, I'd love to see Mitchell back in ECW as the Sinister Minister. I've always found him to be greatly entertaining, and I think he could fill a number of important roles on the show. He could have a great war of words with a babyface Paul Heyman. He could manage one (or more) of the wrestlers (yes, I do refuse to refer to them as "extremists"). Hell (no pun intended), I would gladly just watch the Sinister Minister stand on the stage and ramble incoherently for five minutes every episode instead of having the Sandman beat the crap out of some random dude. That being said, I also understand that Mitchell is currently playing an important role in TNA. Teaming him with Abyss has worked really well. It's almost impossible at this point to package Abyss without a mouthpiece, so Mitchell would have to be replaced if he did in fact jump to ECW. Although now that I think about it, I guess Scott D'Amore has some free time on his hands now that Team Canada has disbanded…
Topic Number Three: ECW takes drinking to the EXTREME, wakes up with the mother of all hangovers, calls in sick to work, and finally shows up on Sci-Fi some time Wednesday afternoon.
ECW.com has a new feature called "Hardcore Hangover" where they show an entire match online. This week they are showing the Big Show vs. Ric Flair match from ECW on Sci-Fi. (07.13.06)
Okay, this rules all. I'm a poor starving graduate student, so I don't have cable. That's right, I can't watch Raw, ECW, or Impact. No wonder I spend so much time here at 411. I get my fix by reading Larry Csonka's PHENOMENAL coverage of those shows (my nose is gonna be brown for a week after that one) and watching the thirty second clips on WWE.com, but it's never the same as actually seeing a match in its entirety. But, wait, look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's ECW to the rescue! ECW has started making ENTIRE MATCHES / SEGMENTS from the most recent episode of ECW on Sci-Fi available on ECW.com. In fact, Big Show vs. Ric Flair, Sabu vs. Justin Credible, and Kelly's Expose with Candice Michelle from this week's episode are all currently available. Seriously, that's like half the episode right there. There are certainly a myriad of problems with the new ECW, but this is one change that I'm happy to accept.
Topic Number Four: Random News
So here's the deal. I usually only have something important or relevant to say for three or four stories every time I do one of these News Reports. Okay, that's not quite true. I usually only have something random or pointless to say for three or four stories every time I do one of these News Reports. At any rate, that usually means there are some smaller stories that I have to skip over completely, but this time I thought I'd collect them all and throw them together in their own little section. They may be small stories, but even small stories need some lovin'.
Tickets for WWE Saturday Night's Main Event tomorrow night in Dallas, TX have sold out. (07.14.06)
WWE.com has a new feature where wrestlers talk about their personal likes. The first issue has Edge, Candice, Paul Heyman, Mr. Kennedy, and more. (07.13.06)
WWE will be holding the press conference for the Great American Bash PPV on Monday 7/17 at the Conseco Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, Indiana at 12 PM. Rey Mysterio, King Booker, Queen Sharmell, Batista, Lashley, and Mark Henry are scheduled to appear. (07.12.06)
The 8/29 Smackdown / ECW taping has been moved from the Mohegan Sun Arena in Uncasville, Connecticut to the Sovereign Center in Reading, Pennsylvania. (07.14.06)
ECW has scheduled a live event on Monday 8/28 at the Mid-Hudson Civic Center in Poughkeepsie, New York. (07.12.06)
WWE has applied for a trademark of "ECW Extremists." (07.12.06)
ECW on Sci-Fi next week will air an hour late at 11PM ET. (07.12.06)
ECW on Sci-Fi last night did a 2.4 rating, its second best rating yet. Despite heavy criticism towards the show, it continues to perform well beyond the expectations from both WWE and Sci-Fi.
Many posters on the Sci-Fi Channel message board are now coming around to ECW and giving it a chance after initially being upset about wrestling being on the network. (07.14.06)
Petey Williams vs. AJ Styles for the X-Division title from Victory Road '04 is available for free on TNAwrestling.com. (07.14.06)
The Saturday Impact replay scored a 0.5 rating, which is its average. (07.13.06)
Without Wrestling, I'd Have Nothing to Watch but "Starting Over"
Monday on Raw, Edge and John Cena finally got a room. I hope this works out better than that whole Billy & Chuck fiasco. Larry Csonka covered all the action in his 07.10.06 411's WWE Raw Report, J.D. Dunn chimed in with his 07.10.06 RAWtopsy, and Peter Kent did the deed in his 07.10.06 VIOLENT PANDA Weekly Review.
Tuesday on ECW on Sci-Fi, Ric Flair took it to the EXTREME! No joke here, I just want everybody to stop and take a moment to reflect on the fact that Ric Flair will forever be THE MAN. Larry Csonka covered all the action in his 07.11.06 411's ECW on Sci-Fi Report, and J.D. Dunn went old-school with his 07.11.06 ECW on Sci-Fi Breakdown. Why the hell do I suddenly have a craving for a Slurpee?
Thursday on Impact, Rhino took pyromania to the EXTREME! Wait, did I already use the "to the EXTREME" line in this section? Fuck. Larry Csonka covered all the action in his 07.13.06 411's TNA Impact Report.
Okay kids, that's it for this edition of the Sunday Slim-To-None News Report. Feel free to email me with any thoughts or, um, good German chocolate cake recipes. I do love me the German chocolate cake.
Small's in tomorrow. I know, I know, putting Slim-To-None and Small-For-All back to back may actually cause a tear in the space time continuum. I guess that's a chance we'll just have to take.
