MeeThinks 7.25.06: The Great American Backup Plan
Posted by John Meehan on 07.25.2006
GAB’s in the books, and IT DIDN’T SUCK?!?
"Be soft as sinews of the newborn babe!
All may be well!"
- King Claudius, Hamlet
Act III, scene iii
MeeThinks congrats are most definitely in order to Steph, Hunter and the rest of the McMahon family.
Now then...
Hi everybody and welcome back to your weekly dose of interwebz optimism. This week, we're wrapping on the Great American Bash, while sharing some EXCLUSIVE and never-before-published photos (well, one photo) of a certain seven foot tall Giant. Not to mention all the feedback from last week, plus a new crop of glossary entries to boot… and we've got ourselves a jam-packed column filled with plenty of positive vibes and IWC insight.
Should be good times.
Here's hoping that everybody else's summer is rolling along nicely as we head into the dog days. I, for one, lucked into a three-day getaway this past weekend to Long Beach Island, NJ — so I'm refreshed, revitalized and ready to get back to work! Well, until the next vacation, that is… (August 5-12… Emerald Isle, NC). (Sadly, no net access means no column that week, by the way… just giving y'all the heads-up in advance).
But anyway…
Man, what a tough summer it's been, right? First a trip to Orlando, then a weekend at the Jersey Shore, and soon a whole week of sun and fun in sunny North Carolina. Not to mention that I quit my job and landed a new one that pays almost 20% more, and I polished off another graduate course on my way to that ever-important Masters degree (3 down, 7 to go).
Yup, everything's comin' up Millhouse.
Let's get this party started, yes?
Rock & roll.
Our Story So Far…
Maybe something was in the water around WWE headquarters, but the Smackdown! roster was pretty well crippled with last-minute problems rolling into the brand's annual Great American Bash pay-per-view. Not a good thing for wrestling fans, especially when one considers that the Great American Bash — perhaps since it's one of the few vestigial remnants of WCW — has always ranked among the least impressive of WWE outings to begin with.
Ah yes, WWE's Great American Bash…
Screwy or nonsensical finishes (Orlando Jordan beats… CHRIS BENOIT!?!), throwaway undercards (Kenzo Suzuki versus Billy Gunn! Luther Reigns versus Charlie Haas! Bob Holly versus MORDECAI!!!) and a nasty penchant for The Undertaker (literally) burying and/or killing off top-level characters (Paul Bearer, Muhammad Hassan, etc.) have traditionally made this show a must-miss PPV.
Needless to say, expectations are almost always universally low going in to this often underwhelming summer b-show. So we'll call that "strike one," yes?
Now then…
Just one week ago, main-event mainstay and Smackdown!'s second most over top-level heel landed himself on the shelf with (get this) a split kneecap. As far as painful injuries go — second to *maybe* passing a kidney stone or having a colonoscopy sans anesthesia — that's about as bad as it gets, folks. After a career of tough breaks and wasted opportunities, Henry had finally made a dent in the WWE main event picture, only to fall victim to a nasty injury at the worst possible time.
Ouch, and strike two.
Then, on Saturday afternoon, it was announced that world-beater Bobby Lashley would have to forgo his scheduled triple-threat challenge for the United States Championship as an elevated enzyme count in his liver would be sidelining him with medical suspension until further notice. (Don't look now – but I toldja the Wellness initiative had legs!).
Tough break, Bobby… and that would have been strike three if it were not for the fact that the match *still* was slated to feature ring veterans William Regal and Dave Finlay… so I suppose we'll call that a "foul tip" and a close call on a strikeout.
But just as things couldn't get any worse…
Sunday morning (the DAY OF the PPV) came bearing the news that The Great Khali had been pulled from the card due to an elevated enzyme count as well… just hours before he was set to square off against The Undertaker in an already-tenuous "Punjabi Prison Match" (think a bamboo version of the Kennel from Hell).
Swing and a miss, and what certainly appeared to be STRIKE THREE for the Great American Bash PPV. If you were so much as "on the fence" about ordering the show or not on Sunday morning, this series of unfortunate events almost assuredly was enough to make even the most hardcore of WWE fans say "thanks but no thanks" and save their pennies for SummerSlam.
By all rights, then — it seemed as if the handwriting was on the wall for the Great American Bash. And (surprise, surprise) the Internet Wrestling Community was more than willing to write the show off in advance, presuming that we were undoubtedly in for one stinker of an outing come 8pm on Sunday night.
And yet…
Spectacularly… perhaps even *miraculously*… the show actually came off quite well!
Why's that?
Well let's explore the ins and outs of this show as we silence the critics and shut-down the nay-sayers in a little column I likez ta' call…
MeeThinks?
Thanks to a slew of last-minute changes and a boatload of substitutions, the Great American Bash was stacked with a cavalcade of longer (and one might argue, much *better*) matches as a result.
Starting with the opening bout, WWE fans finally got the chance to watch indy dreamboats like Brian Kendrick, Jamie Noble, Kid Kash and Paul London show their stuff on a pay per view for more than a five-minute affair. And, true to form, these four high-flying, technical breakouts certainly didn't disappoint as they kicked the show off with a solid, old-school contest that really helped to get the crowd pumped up for the card that was to follow. Though the champs retaining is likely to disappoint at least a few Pitbulls fans, the fact that the match's outcome saw the faces living to defend the straps another day whilst the heels came *just* that close is almost a surefire promise that we'll see these two tandems lock up again in the near future.
And while many ‘net fans are moaning about the fact that this match was nowhere near the caliber of the five-star, "Match of the Year Candidate"-quality performance that these four men are certainly capable of delivering — you have to give WWE credit for a) having enough faith in the entertainment value of this contest to put it on at the top of the show, and b) for finally allowing their cruisers to "let loose" in a match with a remarkable flow and an exciting mix of style and substance. Sure it was no ***** affair, but for what it was — perhaps even a test-run for things to come — it was a great step forward for BOTH the tag and cruiserweight divisions that have been so desperately in need of help in recent months.
Baby steps, folks… baby steps.
Now then —
Barring the all-too-predictable (and one might even argue "disappointing") inclusion of Matt Hardy in the "surprise opponent" matchup against Gregory Helms, you'll have to admit that at least the ‘E did the right thing by NOT saddling Matt Hardy with a belt in a division that he clearly has no business in at this point in his career. Though I really want to see Hardy succeed in WWE, I think the fact that they kept the Cruiserweight Title *off* of him in this case was a brilliant move on the part of WWE's booking team, as it not only shows uncharacteristic discretion on their part (by not simply giving Hardy a title "because it was something to do"), but it also helps lend some serious (and much-needed) credibility Helms' way (and the way of the belt itself) by proving that the Cruiserweight Champion can still "go" with solid, established (though often direction-less) performers throughout the roster.
Though I for one — as a proud MF'er — will be the first to admit that it is as depressing as it is shameful to see how little has been done with Matt Hardy since his WWE return, I've got to give credit to WWE for plugging the man into this match, which (to Mee anyway) is a pretty clear recognition on their part that they know Hardy is a capable, standby mid-carder for the time being (not unlike Booker T was for quite a number of years, come to think of it). I can only hope that the fact that they subbed Hardy into a mid-show title match is a sign that they know the fans still love the guy, and they're simply keeping the man in a win-some-lose-some midcard holding pattern (beats Kennedy, loses to Helms) until they sort out the rest of the card and decide what to do with him for a more long-term program some time (hopefully sooner than later) down the line.
Speaking of substitutions, however… let's jump right into those "three strikes" we outlined above, yes?
Sub number one — Mistarrrrrrrrrrrrr Kennedy (…Kennedy!) for Mark Henry.
Let's see here…
On the "con" side of things, we're subbing out a massively over top-level heel who "put The Animal on the shelf" (according to storylines at least) for an open challenge to any sucker dumb enough to step up to Batista for his return to PPV (usually a surefire cue for "I'm SO jobbing this one").
But on the "pro" side of things, we got Mister Kennedy (…Kennedy!) — a likewise returning up-and-comer who's acceptance of Dave's challenge makes him look all the more credible (if imprudent) for nutting up in the face of adversity. Plus we were just about guaranteed a better in-ring confrontation no matter *who* was subbed in for Henry.
Now then…
Though the IWC-elite were all up in arms to see their latest darling (…Kennedy!) being served up as cannon fodder to the returning Batista (who the webz' appears to have soured on a bit as of late, ever since Dave's unscripted scuffle with late-breaking web-favorite Booker T), anyone who watched this match could tell you that not only was it brilliantly booked, but it also did wonders for BOTH men involved. Kennedy took a beating (and BLED) like a champ, and Dave managed to "uncage the rage" of all of those months on the DL while still not costing his opponent a loss along the way. Now the ‘E has set things up perfectly for a Batista-on-the-warpath versus lucky-new-champion-Booker SummerSlam title feud, and they've simultaneously kept Mister Kennedy as strong as ever so as to leave the door open to a revisitation of Kennedy/Batista anytime down the line.
Brilliantly done, and a remarkable example of how a last-minute substitution can (occasionally) make for an even better outcome than what was originally scheduled.
Ok —
Sub number two?
Lashley goes down, forcing Regal and Finlay to fight it out amongst themselves for U.S. Gold.
Though *any* injury or medical red-flag is never a good thing, of all the last-minute card changes that were made to the Great American Bash, this one was probably the easiest to recover from and the quickest to fix.
From a storyline perspective, we *thought* we'd be seeing Lashley trapped in a two(and a half)-on-one scenario in a Triple Threat Match that favored the enforcers of Booker T's royal court. Instead, Lashley was yanked by Smackdown! GM Teddy Long (because good guys NEVER put themselves on the injured list, after all…) and our de-facto authority figure did his best to unravel the Court's nefarious plans when he forced them to square off against one another in a STIFF one-on-one battle to make good on his advertised card.
Now then…
Though it sucks that Lashley went out here, it gives fans all the more reason to stay excited that (once he's healthy) he'll FINALLY have the chance to lay his hands on Finlay in a one-on-one contest. Let's face it here, folks… Lashley's inclusion in this match was simply one more way for the ‘E to keep Bobby and Fit in the same storyline WITHOUT giving fans the satisfaction of a one-on-one big match blowoff we've all been DYING to see (since like before WrestleMania, mind you), and whether Lashley was in this match or not — it doesn't take too much thought to realize that the ‘E was simply biding their time with this bout and that there wasn't much hope (or sense) in giving Bobby the definitive win here (just yet).
If done properly…
A slow burn equals heightened anticipation and all the more reason to tune in when things finally come to a be-all-and-end all singles contest between Lashley and Finlay to determine just who among them is the better man. And since this entire match was designed (with Lashley in mind) to be nothing more than an extension of a "let's see how long we can stretch this feud out" angle advancement, I see no reason why the ultimate outcome (Lashley gets pulled from the match at the last minute, thus denying him the chance to get his hands on Finlay) is any worse (or different, for that matter) than what they'd so obviously been planning in the first place (e.g. – Lashley comes *so close*, but ultimately gets screwed by the numbers game and doesn't have the chance to properly get his hands on Finlay).
And besides, the super-stiff "I don't want to fight you!" heel-versus-heel showdown between Finlay and Regal (with the Little Bastard flair thrown in for kicks) was a great way to keep the "evil and erratic henchmen of the King's Court" plot moving along quite nicely in Bobby's absence, so bravo to the ‘E for making lemonade out of liver enzymes.
And finally…
Substitution number three: The Big Show gets subbed in for The Great Khali in the dreaded "Punjabi Prison Match" against The Undertaker.
(Side note: At around 12pm on Sunday afternoon, my brother Jeremy sent Mee a text message from the Indianapolis airport with the following photo attached…
Turns out The Big Show was at the same baggage claim as my brother was, and he'd been conscripted to a last-minute addition to that evening's Great American Bash PPV. Though my brother was only passing through and didn't have time to stick around for the show itself, he said that he had the opportunity to meet and shake hands with The Big Show in the airport just the same ("I barely got my hand back!" Jeremy said), and that the man was an absolute GIANT to behold in person (though we'd seen him perform live before, Jer said it was simply daunting to see how HUGE the guy looked standing toe-to-toe in the "real world").
But anyhow…
"Cons?"
Show was subbed in for Khali in a match that was "supposed" to be Khali's "specialty" match (though, in a welcome twist of fate, fans didn't quite know *what* to expect from this match as they'd never seen it before… so there was more leeway than usual in their expectations going in to the thing). Couple that with the fact that fans were actually looking forward to seeing these two go at it, as Khali clearly was in line for an ass-whoopin' after having cleanly pinned ‘Taker on pay per view (with one foot!) just a few short months ago.
"Pros?"
Big Show was a perfect choice and a logical fit, given current storylines. He and Khali had double-teamed ‘Taker for the better part of two weeks now, and so his inclusion in the match was hardly out of place. We'll also note that Big Show is a *much* better worker than The Great Khali, and that the guy is the ECW Champion to boot (though, sadly, the match didn't result in a title switch), and that the "Punjabi Prison" was enough of a novelty gimmick to entice a few otherwise hesitant buyers REGARDLESS of who exactly might be competing within said match's confines.
Now then, onto the match itself…
Though the multi-layered cage structure was oddly reminiscent of the frequently pilloried Dog Kennel from Hell match, you've got to give credit to ‘Taker, Show and WWE for making this match work to the point where it pretty much avoided all further comparisons to that atrocity of a match between Al Snow and Big Bossman from not so many years ago. Yes, it was slow and plodding… but that's pretty much par for the course, given the performers involved (and you know what? It was probably LIGHT YEARS ahead of what Khali could have done in that environment, no?). Plus there was enough weapon usage and BLOOD to keep the die-hards happy, so you can't really fault the ‘E for doing the best with what they'd been given.
You'll also note that WWE was very savvy in delivering the finish to the match, as it delivered a pretty wicked highspot (gotta love the tumble-through-a-cage-finish, no?), put Undertaker back on a winning streak, kept Big Show strong (with a dubious loss) and still delivered the "Taker's hasn't forgotten about Khali!" payoff that everybody was still aching to see. Plus (in an added bonus), WWE has (fortuitously) bought themselves an additional PPV out of this feud, as fans will assuredly tune in to see The Undertaker exact his revenge on Khali for the next go-round (SummerSlam, perhaps?).
All told, then…
Between last-minute subs making impressive showings, replacement matches meeting or exceeding those expectations fans (and critics alike) had set for their predecessors, the right people going over (and each of said wins working properly toward bigger payoffs down the line), and with a night-ending swerve and a World Title change to send fans home feeling as if they'd been a part of a PPV that was more than simply "killing time" between WrestleMania and SummerSlam, it's pretty easy to see that this year's Great American Backup plan turned out to be a blessing in disguise for just about everybody involved!
Well, except for Mark Henry of course.
Get well soon, Big Guy.
Agree? Disagree?
"Methinks it sounds a parley to provocation!"
- Iago, Othello
Act II, scene iii
Shoot Mee YourThinks and I'll post your thoughts next week!
In the meantime…
The Unofficial Glossary of Professional Wrestling: Volume XXXII
We're compiling a massive Wrestling Glossary of fan observations of the clichés, trends, and standbys of the wrestling world that might as well serve as the unofficial "rulebook" for this sport we all love so well. Each week, I'll post one an entry of my own as well as a few submitted by you, my faithful (and hopefully articulate) readers.
It's simple, really. You submit an entry, I add it to the Glossary, and you get the credit.
This week's entries…
The Injury Double Standard
If a *face* performer finds himself sidelined with an injury (no matter how minor it might be), it is almost a GUARANTEE that said face's doctor will have informed the superstar's employer of such an injury so as to allow the employer (and promotion's authority figure) ample time to schedule an in-ring or on-screen announcement to inform the paying public that said face performer will not be competing that evening (see: Lashley, Liver Enzymes; Cena, Knife Wound).
Yet if a *heel* wrestler finds him or herself adversely affected by even the slightest malady, injury or medical speedbump (ranging from carpal tunnel syndrome to smoke inhalation to elbow bursitis and anything in between), said heel's doctors will almost *always* prove useless in relaying notice of said injury to the heel's employer, and thus the heel himself (being resourceful, and all) will often bring his own written copy of the doctor's notice of said medical emergency to his promotion's authority figure at the last minute, thus forcing said authority figure to remove him from active competition for that night's show after being presented with said doctor's note on national television, usually while asserting that such a decision is final as his "hands are tied." - Meehan
The Limited Paralysis Tombstone Theory
If a Tombstone maneuver is correctly applied (and an opponent is dropped squarely on his head and neck), said maneuver will defy the laws of both physics and common sense and it will never paralyze an opponent like one would think. This is not to say that it doesn't cause paralysis, of course… it simply does so in just enough of a fashion so as to temporarily render an opponent unable to kick out of a 3-count, and to further cause such paralysis so as to prevent an opponent from uncrossing his arms during what is sure to be a crossed-arm pin. - BillZany
The Face-to-Fan Bond
If a main event face boasts about winning their first match against Heel Q wrestler, or beating Heel Q wrestler just like they always do (or the even popular claim of "just like I beat Heel X and Heel J wrestlers") it's a 50/50 tossup as to the match's outcome, and the face in question could just as easily win or lose.
However, in the eventuality that a main event-level face "promises" or "guarantees" his *FANS* that he will win a match, you can almost be assured that Heel Q Wrestler is wearing Hunter's white jobbing boots (Of course, if a face promises fans a victory and comes up short… you can pretty much guarantee that he's turning heel by the end of the next television broadcast). - American Dragon
The Annual Quota System
This rule has several clauses:
1. Every announcer on Raw will, at some point, be forced to confront (and subsequently fight) a wrestler or manager.
2. The Undertaker will have 1 buried alive match, and 1 casket match a year.
3. Once a year someone will be forced to join the Kiss My Ass club.
4. There will a Hell in a Cell match once a year and it will involve HHH.
5. There will be a feud that progresses from regular match, to ladder match, to street fight.
6. Vince will tell the crowd that he just screwed somebody… often while referencing Bret Hart.
7. Vince will tell at least one person "YOUR FIIIIIIRRRREEEEEDDDDDD."
8. Vince will reference his reproductive organs or fluids, usually by way of a colorful metaphor.
9. Hulk Hogan will come back for one ppv and then lay low the next 11 months.
10. Someone will tear a quad, a lat, both quads, both lats, or all four.
11. There will be LIVE, in-ring footage of a contract signing.
12. A wrestler will do a derogatory/sarcastic skit outside an arena either in the hometown where his opponent lives, or in a place special to his opponent's heart, to further their feud.
13. A new woman opponent will be brought in to feud over the women's title for 6 months.
- BillZany
The Disappearing Opponent Vortex
If you duck a clothesline, your opponent will magically disappear provided that you point to your head and show the crowd just how smart you are. - EgoManiac247
The Referee Sensory Deprivation Paradox
While officiating a wrestling match, Referees suffer from a physical disability that prevents them from turning around while talking to anyone, even if the person is violently pointing to the action going on behind them, all the while shouting and desperately urging them to turn around. - Tubby
Great work, all! Plenty more glossary entries in the weeks to come, but I could definitelyyou're your feedback to keep this thing rolling at full steam! So keep those entries coming, and we'll do it again next week!
But for now… onto the rest of the feedback (in a brandy-new, user-friendly format!!!)!
YouThinks Reader Mail
TONS of feedback from last week's column (that'll teach Mee to stick up for Hulkamania, no?) so I'll cut the introduction and get right to it!
(As always, feel free to shoot Mee YourThinks on this week's debate and we'll post them in next week's column)
Rich C gets first billing because he references the Crowd Plant Hottie at the top of the column!
Definitely a planted implant since she looks directly at the camera.
As for Hogan, I am glad to see Hulk Hogan back in wrestling and every time I see him I mark out as if I were 10 again. However this angle is more of a band-aide then a real solution for improving the E. IF Hogan wanted to come back to wrestle, the only feud he should be in is with Stone Cold in a dream match situation. Yes neither guy is what they were 5 years ago, but the promos would be incredible and the build up to Wrestlemania would in my opinion be almost NWOish in their ability to grab the audience. But since we are stuck with a Hogan/Orton feud, let me explain why I think this is a bad idea.
1) Hulk is no longer a spring chicken, so he is severally limited to what he can do in the ring (not that he was ever a wrestling machine, but the use of the same 4 moves is starting to get predictable) and you are now asking Orton to be motivated enough to carry the match. Can Orton do it? I think he could, but Orton has shown himself to be very unpredictable as some matches are great while some are just horrible.
2) Orton's legend killer gimmick is getting stale. Sure it was effective when he took out Foley, but Foley gave him the win and it helped to establish the character. Hogan may give Orton a win, but most of us know that he will be expecting one back on a bigger stage (probably at Wrestle mania). This loss will do nothing but put Orton's character in a holding pattern for another 6 to 8 months in a meaningless feud when he should be pushed into a main event feud with Cena and/or Edge. If the E is that determined to get Orton over, then why not push him closer to the world title instead of further from it.
3) Why does the E live with the cheap pops? Sure the pops will spike fan interest and increase merchandise sales, but shouldn't the E spend more time building the next ERA instead of waste more time living in the past (DX for starters). More so, if they wanted to live with the cheap pops, why not go for it all with the Hogan/Austin match?
Keep up the good work
- Rich C
Thanks for writing, Rich. As to your points on Hogan…
1) Hogan's matches ARE not (nor have they ever really been) workrate classics. Barring, like, Hogan / Warrior I (and maybe Rock / Hogan I) there's really not much that can be said for the psychology or overall flow of the Hulkster's in-ring performances. If you keep this in mind, you'll find ALL of Hulk's matches are much more bearable to watch. Sure, they're cartoony and over exaggerated… but you can't beat them for their ability to get a crowd fired up, and much like a Home Run Derby (versus an extra-innings pitchers duel) there's something to be said for mindless "enjoy the show" matches to help add some sizzle and spectacle (if not technical style or substance) to a wrestling card.
Go back and watch Michaels/Hogan again… and you'll find that Michaels is cartoonishly overselling EVERY move to the point where the match is almost downright laughable at times. Sure he "carried" Hulkster in the five or six moves that the duo shared, but in the end there's really not all that much substance to THAT one, either ya' know. And yet it was STILL an incredibly entertaining contest regardless. Randy's a capable "I'm a dick" heel, and Brooke can easily be used to spice up the affair enough to distract from the lack of workrate as well. So I'd say sit back, relax, and take a note from last year's SummerSlam and recognize that when it comes to Hogan, it's RARELY about wrestling and it's almost ALWAYS about "entertainment."
2) Normally, I'd agree with you as Orton had pretty well proved his "Legend Killer" point and was stuck offing such "legends" the likes of Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Kamala and Koko B. Ware. After downing Flair and the rest of the "A-list" like Foley, it was pretty clear that Orton had stagnated to the point where the gimmick began to feel its age.
But now that Orton is squaring off against a bona fide LEGEND (all caps) like Hulk Hogan, he's once again got the chance to prove himself as a top-level threat worth being taken seriously. Besting The Undertaker is no easy task, but it's hardly as unprecedented as racking up wins over BOTH ‘Taker AND Flair AND Foley AND… HULK HOGAN!?! If Orton can pull it off, this latest "legend" is a surefire way to get his character back on track.
3) Cheap pops bring crowds, plain and simple. The GAB opening tag match was a superb athletic showing from four bright young stars, alright… but it's simply not as proven a draw as a "Big Name Debut" or a return by an established performer the likes of a guy like Hogan. Now as to why the ‘E doesn't just pull the trigger on Austin/Hogan? Backstage politicking (from BOTH sides) aside, I'd wager that its simply a case of the company recognizing that such a "dream" match really doesn't do much in the way of a continued program.
It's a MEGA one-off payday for both men, alright… but it doesn't give the rub to an active performer (like Rock vs. Hogan, Orton vs. Hogan, etc.) and it simply sets the proverbial "bar" way too high to the point where no subsequent matches or cards to follow could even pretend to compete with its drawing power. I mean seriously now, HOW (in good conscience) can you ask for $50 of fans money for Hogan/Austin in March only to turn around and ask for $40 of their dollars for Triple H/Cena/Edge/etc. in April? As good as the ‘E is at making stars, there's simply no way they could churn one out at a fast enough rate that fans would buy him as a credible successor to a card with the drawing power (and price tag) of Hogan vs. Austin. I mean shit dude, pick even your most favorite active performer on ANY company's roster to date… (let's say CM Punk, American Dragon and Samoa Joe, for example…) — could you HONESTLY expect Joe Q. Average Fan to plunk down $40 on a three-way-dance with those guys when they could just as easily spend a few dollars more to see Hogan versus Austin?
Though I'd like to believe that the answer is "sure, why not?" the simple fact of the matter is that it takes time, patience and plenty of MONEY to make a feud (and a performer) hot enough to draw big money on his own merits. And until a new breed of superstars emerge from the current crop (though there are plenty that are well on their way there, mind you)… you simply have to buy time and keep viewers interest by trotting out the established performers until the next swing of the pendulum.
Good letter, Rich… and thanks again for reading!
Next up, Richard Davidson who keeps things short and sweet (and scores points by referencing the Crowd Plant Hottie):
It's always fun to watch someone realize that they are on camera. It always winds up looking the same way - they go from looking off to wherever the monitor is to looking straight ahead trying to come up with something cool to do to trying to look at the camera and the monitor at the same time to watch the cool thing that you would be doing if your attention wasn't being split between two things. ; )
- Richard Davidson
Amen to that, brother. Thankfully for the lady in the animated photo at the top of this page, there was plenty to look on her even if she *wasn't* staring at the camera, no?
Another Impact Zone veteran, The Jza is no stranger to the camera himself, ya' know…
Hey man,
The quote at the top seems familiar;
"In the mean time, let's floss and fly this mo' fo… ALL over ‘dis bitch."
Although I don't quite remember cos it's a while since I saw it, I'm gonna go with Soul Plane.
Reading your account of the impact zone reminds me of the time I saw TNA. I was lucky, cos I saw them when they were still in Nashville, but also when they had just started impact (like the third show I think it was I saw.) I'll always root for TNA cos of all the promotions I've been to, they were by far the most hospitible. I got chased by dogs an shit to the Asylum in Nashville, got talking to Burt Prentice on the ticket booth, an he let me wait inside the arena out of the sun, so I got to see all the guys rehearsing and shooting taped promos in the ring and stuff, it was real cool. They even let me backstage after and arranged for me to get a lift back to the greyhound station. I got home a few weeks later, checked out their site and even found the attached picture of me on there! (to the left of AJ in the Sox shirt) Man that was an awesome time, and the wrestlers were all very friendly and respectful, especially Jerry Lynn so I can't speak highly enough of TNA, I hope they go all the way.
Especially bearing in mind that in contrast, WWE wouldn't let me into their PPV's cos I had a bag, even though I was from out of the country and was only in town for the PPV then bussing out straight after so I had nowhere at all to stash the bag for the duration of the show. At some arenas they were cool and let me in anyway, but the Norfolk Scope were cunts. They wouldn't allow me in, or search my bag or anything. In the end I had to bribe the guy at the greyhound station $20 to hold my bag for a few hours. Ah the memories....
Check out the vid I made from my digicam neway before youtube take it down like they did the last one. Damn copyright infringement...
Next up… Denis Labreche, who comes showing love for MeeThinks and a lack thereof for Hulkamania:
I must admit first of all Mr. Meehan, that I love your article and generally appreciate my weekly dose of positivity....But I had to write something about the wrestling cancer that is Hulk Hogan. Is he a legend? Yes. Does he have a great history of huge moments and great promos? Hell yes. Is he in ring shape? NO. Could he still give a good in ring performance? Fuck NO. Will anyone come out of this looking good other then Hogan? I don't think so.
So far, the feud has went well, Orton showing respect only to stab Huckster in his prosthetic hip. And no matter what people say about Orton's antics he is a great character and a great performer. And the only reason his title reign failed was because the WWE had to make him a face because people were cheering him. They loved the Legend Killer gimmick it was different and fresh and exciting. But after he won the title and asked HBK for advice and shook Billy Graham's hand I wanted to puke. He failed because they bastardized his character. Like you said wrestling persona's are exaggerated real life people. ORTON ISN'T A NICE GUY! He's a cocky prick, who doesn't care about legacy. But they had to change that and that's why he failed not due to his own actions.
Now as far as the babe ruth thing. No I would not pay to see that. I know Bonds will win. If Ruth could hit past third base I would be shocked (this assuming he was a: alive and b: around Hogan's age) and the same can be said for Hogan. I know he is a legend and a pioneer. But thinking he can out wrestle a young strong kid in the prime of his life is absurd. I know it's fake, but for fuck sake a 50+ year old man will not beat up a 24 year old. The man can barely move. And his continued dominance at his age is a slap in the face to the entire roster. All it shows is that these young guys can't stack up to Hogan. So what from here? Orton loses to Hogan, Hogan leaves again, and now what, we are supposed to believe Orton as a main event threat now? Because he "almost got one from Hogan" give me a break.
Orton needs to go over in this feud, to create a new star. If they want to show him he's not bigger then the business like he supposedly thinks, then have him curtain jerk and work house shows, keep him off TV don't give him a huge gate against Hogan at the second biggest event of the summer. What does that show him. Tons of guys would love the opportunity to job to Hogan, so how is it a punishment? Oh yeah he loses, a much better idea would be to job him out to Rob Conway on Heat.
Now, if Orton goes over, which would make him an instant legend himself. You have just created a new star, and a great new young heel. Now you can say what you want about he had his chance when he went over Foley, but fuck that Foley is a jobber and it's sad but that's how his great career will be remembered, by jobbing to young guy after young guy. It doesn't even mean anything anymore. So let Orton beat Hogan and I will write you back and apologize for this letter. Until then, Fuck Hulk Hogan. Yes he's a legend, I have never liked him but you cannot dispute what he did for the sport. So have him appear, sign autographs, even come to the ring and flex, but for the love of all things holy don't waste my time in making me watch him wrestle. If they want his legacy to live on so bad, at summerslam have a tribute to him and show a great old match from his glory days. Don't shove him down our throats and lead us to believe that he is a god or something that can beat a young stud like Orton. It's absurd.
Shaq, a future NBA hall of famer, MVP, Champion...Gary Payton, multiple time all star, multiple time defensive player of the year, future hall of famer....both play second fiddle to a 24 year old named Dwayne Wade. The reigning finals MVP. The NBA can create stars why can't a fictitious entity like wrestling do it?
Thanks for reading this John, and please keep up the great column.
-Denis Labreche
Thanks for writing, Denis.
First of all, I think we need to remember that since wrestling's fake and whatnot… it's no exaggeration to call Hulk Hogan "The Greatest" professional wrestler ever to live (in the words of Kevin Nash's shoot interview). And since all of the rigged contests the man competes in are likewise rigged to protect him from being exposed as a washed-up old-timer who "just can't hack it anymore," I'd be careful to presume that a legend like Hulk Hogan (love him or hate him) still doesn't have a thing or two left to give to the business in his golden years (remember that epic showdown between Maximus and that old dude in "Gladiator?" Yup… kinda like that!)
In a sport where *nobody* hits .500, nobody gets 35 sacks a year, *nobody* racks up 50+ points in a single game, *nobody* goes 18 under par over a three-day performance, and *nobody* loses unless they're told to — the "most successful" performer pretty much *has* to be the guy who makes the most money at the end of the day.
And for the sport of pro wrestling (fake and cartoonish though he may be), the nod for the single biggest moneymaker the industry has ever seen (we're talking nearly 30 years of being a top-level-draw here) simply HAS to go to Hogan. By this logic, he's pretty much the EPITOME of a "legend," wouldn't you say?
As such, if Orton can beat him, he's INSTANTLY garnered insane credibility and made up for all of that lost time he spend shaking hands, kissing babies, asking advice and rehabbing an injury or two. If Orton "kills the legend of Hulkamania" (well, if he scores the win at least… since Hulkamania will live forever, after all…) — you're looking at an undeniable threat to your main event heel slot — a natural fit for a cocky young upstart like Randy Orton.
John Linger agrees, and had this to say:
I agree. If Orton hadn't mentioned anything about Brooke before SNME and didn't attack Hogan when he showed up people would complain cause he was playing his role of "Legend Killer." I'm not an Orton fan, but the feud makes MORE sense than Jericho & Kane fighting over spilled coffee.
- John Linger
Couldn't have said it better myself dude. Thanks for the letter!
Here's a long one from John Bateman
If ya read the Triple Threat article from last week you'd notice that Me the Tar Heel Wrestling King: aka John Bateman plugged what you mentioned about Alex Shelly, and also the part about AJ being the TNA Chris Benoit, I of course compared him to Owen Hart cause like Owen he has the talent,ability & skills needed to win the big one but thus far Shelley is too busy being stuck playing behind the video camera as lackies to guys like Jarret,Father James Mitchell & now the Big, Ol'retard who has a record 2 matches without injuring himself yet(I know it's a miracle).
I believe if TNA pushed Shelly he could very well become the NWA heavyweight Champion. of course. In regards to Owen I do believe it was a shame that he never had a chance to be the future WWE Champion he definitely would of become.
And Now I'd have to ask you 3 questions:
Who da think would win in a match between Christopher (The Fallen Barbie) Danielle vs Shelton Benjamin?(your choice of the match),
2: Which do you think TNA needs: more air time or a TV title like almost every other brand has had cause WWE has the IC title in addition to the Tag Team & WWE Championship and on Smackdown they have the US,Cruiserweight, Tag team & WHC. I personally believe TNA needs an extra title so the rest of the superstars that aren't in the X-division or a Tag team,Lance hoyt for example, can have something to vy for other than the NWA world title.
my 3rd and obviously most important question is this: Do ya read Sean & David & Alex's column?
Also -
I wanted to know what ya think of my personal opinion of Jeff Jarret. You see I know all about Jarret being someone's son-in-law who's supposedly big in TNA. but my problem is that the guy keeps shifting his weight to hold onto the title and it's smothering TNA. I truly believe if someone doesn't get rid of Jarret he'll drive TNA into the ground faster then Vince Russo did WCW. We need fresh blood in the title picture. I mean guys like Abyss,Rhyno & Monty Brown. I'm tired of almost ALWAYS seeing a title match consisting of that wanna-be Ric flair defending the main title. Well I'd like to know whether or not you agree with me on that.
- John Bateman
Whew! Long one there, John! Some good (if somewhat random) questions all the same though… so I'll do my best to field them one at a time.
Shelley is a breakout superstar, no doubt. And being "stuck behind a camera" with Nash and Devine is simply a great way for TNA to keep him hot while they prime him for a no-brainer top-level run down the line (imagine Shelley/Christian!). Patience with this one, and MeeThinks we're in for a treat. Now to your numbered questions…
1) Daniels versus Shelton? Shelton, no doubt. Fallen Angel was on job-patrol for most of the past year after his feud with Joe, and Shelton is still young, fresh, well-booked and plenty capable to go in the ring. This isn't to take anything away from Daniels, mind you (except those GOOFY high-hiked ring trunks, of course)… but I just think Shelton would walk away victorious is all.
2) More TV time first, then another title. As it is they're already jam-packing an hour with storylines, angles and character development (well, *some*…) not to mention a few matches here and there (usually two squashes a night), so I don't think there's any question that TNA would benefit from an extra hour's worth of television to help give more time to their actual (often superior) in-ring product in lieu of cramming everything (especially the X Division and the main events) into 7-minute spotfests and shmozzes.
3) Loves Mee the Triple Threat, and keep up the good work fellas.
And as far as Jarrett goes, there's an old adage in the business that it's always better to have a heel champion and a face challenger on the chase. As such, I understand the logic of putting a heel on the top of TNA to help build credible face challengers… and I half understand why Jarrett is simply their de-facto number one heel simply because there's a dearth of credible singles competitor top-level baddies in TNA land. That said, however, you're right in noting that it gets old seeing just about EVERY challenge for the NWA strap boiling down to "Champion Jeff Jarrett versus (insert face challenger here)." Realistically, though — it's not nearly as bad as it once was (say, 2004ish) and I have a lot of faith in the company to push other talent like Monty, Joe, Christian, Lethal, Roode and the rest to the top of the singles heap sooner than later. So again, perhaps patience while we weather the storm (or turn off the broadcast a few minutes early) is best.
Back to last week's topic, though… The Equalizer takes issue with Hogan's "Babe Ruth of Wrestling" moniker:
I disagree with a few things you say about hogan. HE was the greatest until Stone Cold Steve Asutin came along, he may not have been around as long as Hogan, but Austin is the Babe Ruth of pro wrestling. HE did more in shorter career than Higan did in his lengthy one.
- The Equalizer
Sorry to disagree, Equalizer — but Austin merely expanded from the path that guys like Hogan (and Flair) helped to blaze in the first place. Babe Ruth wasn't just a legend, he was a pioneer.
Whereas Austin made wrestling mainstream once again, stuff like Hulkamania and Flair/Steamboat really helped to bring it to the masses in the first place… converting territories and traveling sideshow-like shows into a viable set of dueling national promotions. Though Austin would take pro wrestling to heights it had never before imagined, one can't forget that Ric Flair taught America what professional wrestling was all about, and guys like Hogan (in particular) really helped to cement the "sport"'s transformation from regional gymnasium show to a full-tilt, nationwide arena production.
So while Austin might be Nolan Ryan, Don Mattingly, Mike Schmidt, Pete Rose, Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon all rolled into one… there's only one "Babe Ruth" of pro wrestling, and that title simply belongs to Hulk Hogan.
Justin Swift also seems to have Hogan/Austin on the brain, though in a different way…
Hello John ,
I really enjoyed your column in regards to Orton vs. Hogan. I for one am looking forward to it :)
That being said i disagree with the Austin/Hogan standpoint, and please hear me out,
In order to pack the 85,00-90,000 capacity Ford Field, they are going to need a stacked card and what better way to do it than with these 2 dream fueds...if i may Hogan/Austin and Rock/Orton those along with a rock solid "under card" will bring out casual fans who will see the under card talent and say "hey these guys aren't to bad!" now ....i do agree to an extent that hogan and austin have "nothing left to prove" ...but ..if they do it and do it well then they can leave a huge wrestlemania moment, and i agree the new talent should be a major part of the event...but this IS one of those events that could/should be an exception ...as you mentioned it's like Babe Ruth coming to do a special appearance...why not have Babe take on Ted Williams in a special one off challenge. While packing one more stadium to show off the new talent underneath... Hell thats how i got hooked on Malenko, Jericho and others...tuning in to WCW to see Hogan...then i found these other guys that rocked!
Besides...the promos alone for Rock/Orton would be killer...and the Rock is one legend that Orton has never really "killed" I am not trying to come across as a raging hulkamaniac... even though I admit that i am, i just wanted to offer my 2 cents on your column, which was extremely well done. :) i hope to hear back from you John!
- Justin Swift
Thanks for writing, Justin.
Though I see where you're coming from, I think we also have to be students of wrestling history enough to recognize that a) Orton DID defeat Rock once before (at a WrestleMania, no less!)… even if it was in a handicap tag match, and b) buyrates for supercard pay-per-view shows do *not* necessarily translate to weekly television ratings spikes.
We talked about the snafus with Hogan/Austin a bit earlier, sp let's jump right into your "hey these guys aren't too bad!" theory….
Unlike tuning in week after week to Nitro conditioned viewers to wait for the "big names" like Hogan, Luger and Sting while getting a *weekly* dose of cruiserweight and undercard action, the pay per view buyrates see fans catching a mere 10 minutes of those undercard guys, TOPS, all while priming the pump for the "big ticket" main event that everybody paid to see. And while there's plenty to love and appreciate in an undercard match-up (especially when Malenko and Jericho etc. are involved), there's also something to be said for developing a gradual familiarity with those performers and their styles… and that's something that you simply can't bank on at a one-off ppv blockbuster like WrestleMania.
Michael Essmaker is digging Orton/Hogan in spite of his aversion toward the Red & Yellow:
honestly i am a Hulk hater and have always been. that not withstanding, the fued with Orton makes perfect sense with conditions...........
Hogan doesn't do the same thing as last year, let Orton (ala HBK) carry the entire fued and beat him clean one match and walk. I cannot stand Hulk because I believe him to be a talentless piece of crap who cant wrestle (he never could). He needs to be Flairlike in the sense that, Flair is old so he makes up for that by having specialty matches (cage, tlc, hardcore, street fight etc.). He gets his share of wins, but doesnt win every freakin match hes in! im not a Flair fan, but i respect him for doing the right thing. Hogan looses nothing by loosing to HBK or Orton. Last year it should have been 1 to 1 and this year it should be the same. Orton at SS and Hogan at mania.
As far as the "money match" Hogan v Austin, I cant see it ever happening b/c neither man will do the job.
BOTTOM LINE.....Hogan needs to quit coming back if all hes gonna do is come back for one ppv one on one match and beat a full time wrestler, that does nothing for the current talent (orton who still has potential). I fear that this "potentially" great fued will turn into nothing but Hogan coming back to promote Brookes CD, just like last year with "Hogan knows Best". HBK said it best, "Hogan wont be back until he gets another payday, now back to reality!"
- Michael Essmaker
The claim that Hogan only returns for a payday is a fair one, but to be completely honest here… isn't Michaels doing much the same by "returning" to the dX cash cow himself? Not that I'm blaming him, mind you… but the fact is that BOTH Hogan AND Michaels have proven time and again that they're not opposed to dusting off the old gimmick for the sake of making a quick buck from time to time. The only difference is that Hogan does it on a part-time basis whereas HBK stays on the active roster.
But as far as this whole "Hulk only comes back to beat a full time wrestler" nonsense goes, let's look back at Hulk's PPV record since returning to "semi-active" WWE-duty (post nWo invasion) to see just how much truth there really his to this rumor, eh?
Wrestlemania X-8: Rock vs. Hogan (Loss, 0-1)
Backlash 2002: Triple H vs. Hogan (Win, 1-1)
Judgment Day 2002: Undertaker vs. Hogan (Loss, 1-2)
King of the Ring 2002: Angle vs. Hogan (Loss, 1-3)
Vengeance 2002: Lance Storm & Christian vs. Hulk Hogan & Edge (Loss, 1-4)
No Way Out 2003: Rock vs. Hogan II (Loss, 1-5)
WrestleMania XIX: McMahon vs. Hogan (Win, 2-5)
Judgment Day 2003: Piper vs. "Mr. America" (Win, 3-5)
Backlash 2005: Hassan & Daivari vs. Michaels & Hogan (Win, 4-5)
SummerSlam 2005: Michaels vs. Hogan (Win, 5-5)
Let's also add to the mix that he helped put over Brock Lesnar on free television (something that Austin flat-out walked out of the company over when asked to do himself), and couple that with the fact that Hogan made a guest appearance at WrestleMania 21 (in a "winning" fashion to save Eugene) and a guest appearance in TNA in October '03 (in a "losing" fashion getting laid out by Jarrett in Japan), and you can pretty well see that The Hulkster's hardly been as "unstoppable" in the past three years as folks so often (and falsely) assume him to have been.
Who's Hogan beaten on PPV since returning to WWE?
Triple H (a full-timer, though hardly one who couldn't afford a loss), Vince McMahon (again, not a regular performer), Roddy Piper (ditto), Hassan (no longer with the company) and Daivari (no longer an active performer), and Michaels (who again, though regular, is hardly the worse for wear).
And who's Hogan helped to put over since 2003?
Undertaker (full-timer and subsequent WWE Champion), The Rock (full-timer who accomplished so much in the wrestling business he simply walked away with nothing left to prove), Edge (BIG time full-timer, and 2002 was a breakout year for the future Rated R Superstar), Lance Storm (retired) and Christian (full-timer-turned-future World Champion), Jeff Jarrett (full-timer, NWA champion several times over), Eugene (full-timer), Brock Lesnar (full-timer, also a World Champion with a push moved along by his impressive win over Hogan), and of course Kurt Angle (full-timer who used his feud with Hogan to move away from his comedy-heel character and back towards that of the submission-machine… let's not forget Hogan tapped cleanly to the Ankle Lock, ya' know).
So to recap…
Does Hogan win?
Absolutely.
Does he win all the time?
Absolutely not.
Does he beat guys he shouldn't beat?
MAYBE — I think Hassan is the strongest case here (but seeing as how THAT one turned out…), as Michaels, Triple H, Piper and Vince hardly were "buried" or in any way adversely affected as a result of their Hogan programs.
And does he help put regular performers and/or upcoming superstars over while he's at it?
Most definitely. In the past three years alone… Angle, Brock, ‘Taker, Rocky and Christian EACH can claim major victories over The Hulkster, so I hardly see how his return to the squared circle has in any way stifled these men's momentum.
Alright, that's enough for one week… BUT WAIT!!! THERE'S MORE!!! MeeThinks Summer Cinema Snaketacular Countdown
Last time, winner Ricardo Vasquez correctly identified this Samuel L. Jackson quote:
"I got some 'for-your-eyes-only' shit to show you..." as being from Tarantino's often overlooked (but thoroughly entertaining) third film, Jackie Brown!
This time around, see if you can't name that movie as we teasssse your Ssssamuel L. Jackssssson appetite jusssst a bit more with the following quote!
"He starts monologuing! He starts like, this prepared speech about how *feeble* I am compared to him, how *inevitable* my defeat is, how *the world* *will soon* *be his*, yadda yadda yadda!"
Just 23 days away!!!
And With That, I'm Outta' Here
Hope you've enjoyed the column, and thanks once again for reading, writing and being a fan of the great spectacle and pseudo sport that is professional wrestling. Have an awesome week and enjoy the sun, and always stay positive!
