The Top Ten 7.25.06: Skits/Vignettes

Posted by Julian Williams on 07.25.2006

Come inside and check out some of the best Skits/Vignettes to ever grace the wrestling world. Somehow the Dr. Heinie skit just BARELY missed out.

Greetings thumb suckers and bed wetters and welcome to another immature edition of The Top Ten. This week's topic is Top Ten Skits/Vignettes and it will include ONLY skits and vignettes that were pre-taped or shot in the backstage area. So anything that happened in the ring, in front of the crowd(ex: Kurt Angle milking the Alliance) won't be included in this list, but rather will be included in next week's list, The Top Ten Segments. Ok, now that I cleared that up let's look at some of your thoughts on last week's column.

Reader Feedback

First up is Chad who wants to see one of the picks a little higher up:

Once again, you provide a great composite list of top tens that I absolutely love. The list itself is amazing & I would not change it; except for one thing. I am a huge mark for Jericho & I probably would have placed his debut promo in the top ten rather than honorable mention, but at least it was mentioned and that is enough for me. Keep up the great work man. Awesome as usual.

Chad's feelings mirror what a bunch of other readers felt as many of you guys loved the Jericho debut and thought it should have been higher up. This surprised me because I was originally going to place Jericho higher up, but I felt I was doing that because I'm a Jericho mark and I should try to make the list more fair and balanced. I guess it just goes to show that I should go with my gut feeling. But then again, if I always went with my gut feeling I'd either be dead, in prison, or a Mexican male prostitute by now.

Jobez gives me a forgotten promo, but vouches for its awesomeness:

Hi Julian,
I've got an obscure set of promos but if you've ever seen the WWF PPV "This Tuesday In Texas" from 1991, you'll know what I'm talking about. The promos Jake cut before and after the match were without a doubt, the two best of his career. However, Randy Savage stole the show with his dynamic and unbelievably intense promo after the match. Savage was being interviewed by Sean Mooney and was blaming himself for Jake slapping Elizabeth in the ring. The emotion that Savage conveys in this promo is just unreal as he went through about three or four stages of grief and self-pity right before our eyes. I don't think I've ever seen a wrestler do an Academy Award performance as convincing as the one by Savage. That promo creeped me out when I was 11. Honorable mention should also go to Savage for his post-match promo at WMVIII after beating Ric Flair for the WWF title. The dude was a frickin madman.

Take care Julian,
Jobez "Kid Cairo" Ferguson

I never saw the Jake promo, but Jake was always gold on the mic and Savage was no slouch so I take Jobez's word on this one. If any of you know where I can a copy of that promo, let a brother know. I'm trying to increase my wrestling IQ slowly but surely.

Martin has a beef with my list. A straight up GANGSTA beef. So he popped its ass. That Martin is ruthless:

Good choice of Top Ten Topic for this week. This list is ok but I was surprised to see that The Rock was no where on this list. I recall earlier he was #4 on your top 10 talkers list. I saw you had the Jericho Debut/Rock promo but I'd give Y2J more of the credit for that one. Personally I would have gone with The Rock's promo prior to the Armageddon Hell in a Cell make where Rock impersonated each of his opponents. Or you could go with the promo where The Rock returned to join the Nation of Domination. Starting the segment with "DIE ROCKY DIE" was the perfect way to make his point. I'm torn on trying to decide what Eddie Guerrero promo to go with for the list. Some of the work Eddie did during the Rey feud was classic material. The promo where he came out and didn't say a word was something special but I think it ranks just below the one he cut where he was screaming at the bloody Mysterio mask that he had taken from Rey. 2 Futures suggestions for columns Best In Ring Duo, wrestler that always delivered in matches against each other, and best ring attire.

A few others were wondering were The Rock was on the promo list seeing how he is one of the best talkers EVER, but I always thought Rock was better when working with other people in a skit or a segment. Don't get me wrong, The Rock has given some absolutely fantastic solo promos, but most of his memorable ones come when he's working with someone else (ie: Jericho, Foley, Austin, Coach, Kevin Kelly, Hurricane, etc). I could have included some Rocky promos in there, though, so that was my bad for overlooking The Great One. I like Martin's suggestions for topics here, that ring attire one will be gold. Papa Shango is going tops on that list.

Sam brings it with his list. Does anyone even say "bring it" anymore? Screw it, it'll always be hip to me and my Hammer pants:

Julian-

Loved the list this week, as it reminded me of some great promos that I'd forgotten about... I figured I'd share my own list with a few you should check out if you've never seen them...

10) RAW is Jericho (RAW, Summer 1999) - Just like you said, the crowd's eruption for Jericho was nothing short of amazing... And then to immediately have him verbally spar with the Great One, you might just have the greatest debut in the history of RAW...

9) Montreal loves Shawn (RAW, Summer 2005) - Possibly one of the most incredible heel promos ever, Michaels took full advantage of the antagonistic crowd, channeling the kind of fire he used to show during his great heel run in 1997... Admit it, you went nuts when Bret Hart's music hit, too...

8) Cena stops by the Highlight Reel (RAW, Summer 2005) - At the beginning of the Cena-Jericho feud, Cena was the special guest on the Highlight Reel... What followed was a great promo by Cena culminating in one of my all-time favorite lines in wrestling: "I remember when RAW really was Jericho..." The look on Jericho's face was simply priceless...

7) The Franchise christens ECW (Fall 1993) - Douglas throwing down the NWA World Heavyweight Title and proclaiming himself the first ECW champion is one of the most underrated moments I can think of... If ECW is indeed as important to the evolution of pro wrestling as many believe (myself amongst them), then the true creation of the organization as an unpredictable, important element on the national stage must be included on this list...

6) The original ECW reformation (RAW, Summer 2001) - I liked your choice of the Fall SmackDown! promo, but for my money, the (at the time) ultra-shocking reformation of ECW during the infant stages of the Invasion angle absolutely rules the roost... With Paul E's great mic work following up on the unexpected return of RVD and Tommy Dreamer (and a cast of dozens), you had a truly special moment...

5) Foley agrees to "I Quit" (RAW, Winter 1999) - This is on the list because it's my favorite Foley promo ever... It's often forgotten, but this set up for their "I Quit" Match had the Rock trying to leverage Mankind into a rematch for the WWF Title... Rocky kept adding potential stipulations (No DQ, Corporation barred from ringside, etc.), but Mankind retorted with: "Sorry, Rock... You're simply not championship material..." Just imagine the Rock's face after hearing that... Finally, Foley relented, granting a match with "No disqualification, no count out, no corporate members at ringside, no stopping the match for excessive blood-loss..." promising to beat the Rock until he said "I Quit!"

4) Punk reveals his motivation (Death Before Dishonor, Summer 2003) - Leading into his Dog Collar Match with Raven, CM Punk revealed that his deep-seeded hatred for the ring veteran was rooted in his relationship with his alcoholic father... Never before (or since) has a promo felt more real... The best part was that this was just one of a number of Punk promos during the show, all of which showed his incredible versatility on the mic... (Note: the Colt Cabana promo that immediately follows Punk's rant puts this over the top as a classic ROH moment...)

3) nWo, brother! (Bash at the Beach, Summer 1996) - It's the formation of the nWo, the crowning creative moment for WCW and one of the most famous events in wrestling history... Do you need more of an explanation?

2) Punk turns on ROH (Death Before Dishonor III, Summer 2005) - As far as I'm concerned, this is the greatest moment in ROH history... Better than Joe vs. Kobashi, better than Punk's trilogy with Joe, better than the CZW invasion... Punk wins the ROH World Title on his (supposed) last night in the company, only to swiftly and violently turn on his passionate fans... The punchline of the turn ("You old fool, I'm a snake...") hammered home the point that this Punk was not the Punk that had won the title just moments before...

1) Austin 3:16 (King of the Ring, Summer 1996) - As a Milwaukeean, I was priviledged to witness this historic moment live... Seriously, if you need an explanation of why this is one of the greatest promos ever, you're not a wrestling fan...

Hope you enjoy the list and keep up the great work...

Great list here by Sam, the Foley and Cena ones were especially good. I can't vouch for the Punk ones because I've never seen them, but I keep hearing that this guy is a godsend on the mic. With my crappy luck, every ROH DVD and Video that I have bought so far either don't have him on it or have him only wrestling and not giving any promos. So hopefully I'll be able to see some of his promo talent in the new batch of ROH videos I ordered and in coming weeks on ECW.

And finally, Peter gives up some of his picks:

Hi

Good selection of promos. However, there are just too many great promos
that have been cut over the years. I'm surprised you didn't include
some of
these:

Eddie Guerrero - from 2005, when he turned heel (he cut the promo
sitting
in the ring) . That was a tremendous promo and showed exactly how good
Eddie could be on the mic.

Triple H - the RAW after Summerslam 1999. I still remember this one.
Even
though Trips was just coming into his own, I believe he cut one of his
best
promos ever. He came out and interrupted JR in the ring, being angry he
didn't win the belt. The best thing about this promo is the intensity
with
which it is delivered. Off the charts. This proved to me, that Hunter
can
indeed make it.

Edge - before SummerSlam 2005. His rant on Matt Hardy. Matt's promo the
week before sucked ass and Edge made sure to mention it. It was bland.
Edge's promo was the wxact opposite. Intense and filled with emotion.
The
best one I've heard from him and a proof that Edge's time is now.

Eric Bischoff - his return to RAW. Sure it was a bit long. But the
shock
value! It would be perfect if it wasn't for the kissing of HHH's ass.

Chris Jericho - a lot of them from 1998.

Steve Austin - his reaction to Bret Hart quitting after Royal Rumble
1997
("go ahead and go back to canada son, because the only person you can
beat
is your wrinkled-up all man in his little basement" - classic).

The Rock - how could you leave him out? His heel promos from 2003 were
amazing. But I really remember the most his promo on the returning
Hogan in
2002 on RAW in Chicago. Both guys were just great that night, but since
Hogan got no. 1 in your list, I'll give the credit for this one to The
Great One.

Vince McMahon - Vince as a character has become so stale, that people
really tend to forget just how good the guy actually is at cutting
promos.
In the years 1998-2000, he cut some really good ones. I can't pick just
one, but I wanted to mention him.

Anyway, I've been enjoying your Top Tens a lot. Keep up the good work.

This is a very good list by Pete. The Triple H one was great and Pete was right, this was the promo that made me look at him like a big time player because he oozed the confidence and braggadocios nature that a great heel champ should have. All the other picks were spot on as Vince and Rock could have easily found places on the list as both have given great promos. Of course that was before Vince started having people kiss his ass and have shit dumped on his head. Back then he simply pissed his pants and got a rectal thermometer shoved up his ass. Ahhh, the good old days of innocence.

That's it for emails this week my peeps. Thanks for all you guys that wrote in and thanks to all you guys that continue reading the column. If you haven't wrote in yet, don't be shy, let me know what you think. Ok let's proceed with the column folks.

The Top Ten Reasons to order The GAB

So The Great American Bash was on Sunday night and The GAB is rich in its history for sucking major balls, but this year's version was actually pretty good. No really. Here are some reasons you might consider forking over your cash to see the replay.

10) Kendrick/London vs. The Pitbulls steals the show, but would you expect anything less from these four?

9) Regal/Finlay doesn't live up to the hype, but you get plenty o' Lil' Bastard!

8) Matt Hardy! On Pay-Per-View! Ohh crap, he just jobbed to a cruiserweight. Nevermind.

7) The Punjabi Prison Match. Not so much because it was a great match or anything but because IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING STRAIGHT OUT OF A STEVEN SPIELBERG FILM!! (Courtesy: JBL)

6) Show as a last minute replacement for Khali which instantly made the match better. Nevermind the logic that Teddy Long ordered Big Show, an ECW wrestler, into the match. Show should of just said, "Fuck off" and walked out because Long can't fire him. But then we wouldn't have had our match so let's just ignore that little factoid.

5) The Four Way Bra & Panties match aka Ass & Titties, Ass & Titties.

4) The Miz gives an interview and actually doesn't fuck up. Well except for the goofy ass look on his face.

3) Watch Kennedy SHIT blood all over the ring. Seriously, blood was coming out of the dude's head faster than diarrhea.

2) Chavo delivers an unbelievably sick chairshot to Rey. If Rey still knows where he lives after that shot, I'll be amazed. Well at least he has his pants to tell him what area code to start at.

1) ALL HAIL KING BOOKER!! ALL HAIL KING BOOKER!! KING OF THE WORLD!!

The Top Ten Skits/Vignettes

Skits and Vignettes have been an essential part of the wrestling industry for years whether it be to continue a storyline or to just give us a funny moment that we remember for years. A well done skit/vignette will stay in your minds years after the original viewing

Honorable Mention: Austin takes Booker to the Supermarket
This was during the Stone Cold/Booker T feud in late 2001 that had Ric Flair siding with Austin and Mr. McMahon siding with Booker T. The tw owners sat in a skybox while watching Austin chase Booker all around town until it finally convened in a supermarket. Book had thought he had gotten away when Austin came out of nowhere and proceeded to beat the crap out of Booker all around the supermarket. The ending was great as Austin scanned Booker through the checkout after whuppin' his ass with various items like fruit and milk. A great skit which I always think of anytime I'm in a supermarket because I would love to kick someone's ass while doing my grocery shopping. Who wouldn't?

Honorable Mention: Shelley and Devine make Nash discover Madagascar
Ok, so this just happened this past week on Impact, but I'll be damned if it wasn't one of the funniest things I've ever seen on a wrestling show, especially Impact. Having Shelley telling Nash to take notes on a match he recorded with a two sided ring where fans sit on the floor in Madagascar was priceless. The ending was too hilarious as Shelley embraced Big Nash in a MANLY hug and exclaimed "Hold Me!" Great stuff here and I love these Paparazzi Production skits.

Honorable Mention: Kurt and Christian discuss HHH's comeback
This was the show before HHH's big comeback from his torn quad and it showe Kurt Angle and Christian talking backstage about this supposed "great" comeback from The Game. Kurt was absolute gold here as he said he didn't understand why people were making such a big deal about HHH's comeback when he won an Olympic medal with a broken freaking neck. Then he gave a great line as he said that no quad injury would keep him out 6 months and that in fact, he tore his quad that morning and he was fine now. Christian basically just stood there and agreed with Kurt, but his facial expressions to everything Kurt was saying was priceless. Just a funny ass skit that I still remember vividly after all these years.

Honorable Mention: Mankind coming to the WWE
Leading up to Mick Foley's debut in WWE, they ran a bunch of vignettes which were all fantastically done. They focused on Mick's ear and Mick talked about how he had learned to like pain and pain was his friend and he planned on sharing his friend with the rest of the WWE roster. Have A Nice Day! He also had one where he sat in a dungeon with a rat and talked about how he played the piano when he was a child, but his mother didn't appreciate it or love him so he broke his fingers out of anger and frustration. He said the screams of pain became music to his ear and he planned on hearing many more screams for mercy once he entered the WWE. This was just fantastic stuff here by Mick and the WWE production team as all of these were really creepy and disturbing which is exactly what they were going for with the Mankind character.

Honorable Mention: Pillman's got a gun
This was one of the most controversial skits ever on Raw as Steve Austin promised to open a can of whup ass on Brian Pillman and went to Pillman's home to deliver it. Pillman was waiting for Stone Cold, but he wasn't alone. He had a gun with him and promised to unload it if Austin stepped foot in his house. Austin was undeterred, though, and still broke in and still tried to whup Pillman's ass despite the gun in his hand. This was just a crazy skit and the intensity of Austin and the craziness of Pillman made it seem very real which made it very cool.

Honorable Mention: The Rock asks Gennifer Flowers if she smells what he's cooking
This was during Wrestlemania 14 where Gennifer Flowers (who was famous for screwing Bill Clinton) conducted a sit down interview with The Rock. The Rock was classic here as he talked about how he preferred being called a ruler as opposed to a leader and that if he were the ruler of world he would be the judge and the jury and that 9 times out of 10 it would be a hung jury…..If you smell what the Rock is cooking. That was the debut of that catchphrase and this interview was one of the early indications that Rocky could be a breakout star in the WWE.

10) Austin and Kurt fight for Vince's love
This happened shortly after Austin's heel turn when the Alliance first came to fruition and he was sucking up to Vince big time. He did everything to try to cheer up the stressed out boss, including singing to him while playing the gui-tar. Kurt Angle, the ultimate brownnose, also wanted Vince's attention and soon Kurt and Austin were vying for Vince's attention through a sing-off. Austin sang "Kumbiya" while Kurt gave a shot at "Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care….I got Olympic Gold" as Vince left the room in agony. Anytime you have Austin and Kurt in any kind of skit together, it's guaranteed to be great and this one was no exception as they both had me on the verge of tears from laughing so hard.

9) Rock throws Austin over a bridge
The Rock had stolen Stone Cold's Smoking Skull belt and the Rattlesnake wanted his property back. Therefore The Rock was able to lure Stone Cold to a bridge where the two would fight over the belt, but Rock would gain the upper hand and send Austin and his belt(supposedly) to the waters below. This was a great bit of continuity as Austin had thrown Rock's IC title off of a bridge nearly a year and a half before this incident. The follow up the next week with Austin running over Rock's car with a monster truck was great as well. I just remember this moment because it had almost EVERYBODY in my school talking the next day about whether Austin really got thrown off the bridge with some people even implying that Austin was dead or in the hospital. It was just a great skit that got everyone talking the next day.

8) Steve Austin as the Hulkster
Stone Cold was bitter after being fired by Eric Bischoff from WCW over the telephone. Paul Heyman gave Steve a chance to come on ECW TV to express his anger and the result was some of the funniest skits you've ever seen. Austin as the host of "Monday Night Nyquil" with Bongo and announcing the main event as a colostomy on a pole match was priceless. The best skit, though, had to be Austin imitating Hulk Hogan and talking about how Austin didn't have what it takes to get it done in ECW and even referred to Joey Styles as "Mean Joey". He then stopped the impersonation and he said he wasn't going to do that lame ass shit anymore because that lame shit couldn't cut it anywhere, especially ECW. Absolutely classic stuff by Austin.

7) The Brain prepares for the REAL World Champion
This was on an episode of Prime Time Wrestling where Bobby Heenan was walking all throughout the control center of the show getting everyone ready for the arrival of Ric Flair, the REAL World Champion. Heenan was at his best here as he was able to insult as many people as possible in a one minute span. The frantic nature which he was ordering everyone and walking made it seem like Ric Flair was indeed a big deal. Great skit here by The Brain as it combined humor with getting the point across that Ric Flair was a big time player. "Nice hat, pull it over your face." Classic Brain.

6) HBK as Hogan on Larry King Live
This was during the HBK/Hogan feud before Summerslam last year and HBK decided to spoof Hogan's appearance earlier that week on Larry King Live. HBK was in complete Hulkster gear down to the bandana and mustache. He then spoke with every second word being "brother" and how he didn't know if he could handle HBK. He ended the skit by kicking the hell out of the Larry King impersonator and then ripping off his Hulk attire and telling the Hulkster he was coming after him. A fantastic skit that proved that HBK totally carried that feud through his great promos, skits and in-ring work.

5) Jericho and Rock have a diss-off
Rock and Jericho certainly weren't friends so anytime you put the two near each other, nothing but animosity would ooze out of both men. This was perfectly showcased on a 2000 edition of Raw as Michael Cole conducted a backstage interview with both The Rock and Jericho before they were set to square off against each other in a #1 contenders match. Jericho started going at Rock by saying he did give a Brahma Bull's ass what Rock had to say with his stupid catchphrases and proceeded to tell Rock to shut the hell up! Rock then responded by asking Y2J if he actually thought he was going to win their match and when Jericho went to respond the Rock pulled back the mic and said, "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!!" Y2J said that he had tasted WWE gold before and he wanted it again and then he made fun of Rock's signature catchphrase (complete with head movements) by saying, "If ya smeellllllllllll-a what Y2J is cooking!" Rock then retorted that what Y2J was cooking smelled like 100% grade-A Canadian Moose piss. He then said that he would take out anyone standing in his way of recapturing WWE gold whether it be Jericho himself, Uncle Joe Jericho with the glass eye or Grandpa Jimmy Jack Jericho with the Iron Lung. This was just a highly entertaining skit, but anytime you put Rock and Jericho together, you should expect that.

4) Edge and Christian play the kazoo
This was during the great E&C heel run in 2001 where Edge was celebrating his birthday backstage all night and received the gift of a kazoo. After exclaiming about how much kazoos rule(yea they do) he proceeded to play some of the wrestler's theme songs on it along with Christian. They played their own song, Kurt Angle's song and, of course, HHH's song. The whole skit was just insanely funny and further proof why Edge and Christian were one of the most entertaining tag teams ever. Long live the 'zoo!!

3) The Hurricane invades Rocky's locker room
This skit is fucking timeless, it will never be forgotten(at least by me). The skit started off perfectly with Coach knocking on Rock's locker room door and Rock coming out and asking the Coach if he was on crack for knocking on the Rock's door like that. He ended his interview with Coach by proclaiming, "Wash your ass!" and then dismissing Coach to go back in his locker room. That's when The Hurricane came out of nowhere by hiding in Rock's locker and confronted Rock for his recent heel actions. The Rock said he didn't have to explain himself to the Hurricane's Hamburglar ass and talked about how he threw Hurricane out of the battle royal the previous week to go hang out with Mayor McCheese, Grimus, and the rest of his McDonald's friends. Rock then went on to brag about his success in The Scorpion King movie. The Hurricane retorted that based on what he had seen from the locker, the Scorpion king had a tiny ding-a-ling. This made the Rock scream out in disbelief and talk about how that was a blatant lie while he rubbed his leg and proclaimed, "Eaaaasssy Big Fella!" This was just an absolutely hilarious skit that showed why Rock is one of the best ever when it comes to entertaining the millions……and millions of WWE fans.

2) Mr. Socko is born
This was a week after Vince got his ankle broken by Kane and The Undertaker and Mankind went to the hospital to try to cheer Vince up. Mankind brought chocolate and a balloon totting clown, but he also brought along a new friend of his, Mr. Socko. He then went on to introduce Vince to Mr. Socko and try to kiss Vince's ankle better. Vince's look of disgust was absolutely priceless here as he first asked nicely for Mick to leave until finally he said, "Dammit leave!" Later on the night, Stone Cold gave Vince a little visit but this one ended with Vince getting smacked in the head with a urinal pan and getting ass raped by a rectal thermometer. This was just a classic skit that gave birth to one of the biggest phenomenon's in the late 90's and helped turn Mankind into one of the biggest faces in the WWE.

1) DX invades Nitro
What more can be said about this skit other than it is without doubt one of the most coolest things I have ever seen on a wrestling program. During the Monday Night War, WWE and WCW would often trade shots at each other on the air, but none of them dared to step foot on the others territory. That was until DX decided to take a visit to the Norfolk Scope in Virginia where WCW was shooting Nitro that evening. They got the WCW fans to chant for them and turn against WCW. They went right to the front door demanding to be let in and after being denied, they tried to enter through the parking garage but WCW quickly shut the doors to prevent them from getting in. This was just ballsy stuff by the WWE and it made DX one of the coolest wrestling stables ever in an instant. I could watch this skit a million times, it is just an absolute classic.

Drive-By Pimpin'

Check out all these great columns by my 411 brethren:

-Andy Clark's "Shimmy"
-Ari's "Column Of Honor"
-Sean, Alex and David's "Triple Threat"
-Bayani's "Truth B Told"
-Weyer's "Shining The Spotlight"
-Byers' "Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People"
-Larry and Geoff's "3R's"
-Fact Or Fiction
-O'Dog's "Forgotten Goodness"
-Sat and Rajah's "High Road/Low Road"
-Phill Feltham's "Quick Talkdown"
-Sarnecky's "Piledriver Report"
-Slimmer's News Report
-Hidden Highlights
-Carapola's "That Was Then" and "The Week in Hardcore"
-The Fink's Payload
-The World According To Ron
-Clarke's "Ask 411"
-Meehan's "Meethinks"
-Sforcina's "Evolution Schematic"
-Prag's "In Defense Of…."
-Wrestlers of the Week
-Sullivan's "Crystal Ball"
-Randle's "Wrestling News Experience"
-Double M's Rasslin Report
-News To Start Your Weekend
-Dunn's GAB Breakdown, Rawtopsy, ECW Breakdown, Smackdown Breakdown and TNA Breakdown
-Cook's "News From Cook's Corner"

The Sign-Off

That's all for this week ladies and germs. Check me out next week when the topic will be The Top Ten Segments(In-Ring). Expect a lot of Austin on that list.