The Top Ten 8.01.06: Great Segments

Posted by Julian Williams on 08.01.2006

The rare times when a great segment outshines the actual wrestling. I said RARE Vince!

Greetings gremlins and monsters and welcome to another frightening edition of The Top Ten. This week we're going to be looking at The Top Ten Segments which will include events that happened in-ring. Some of you were confused last week and thought I left off a few skits(ex: Rock's This is Your Life, DX mocking the Nation) but that was because I didn't classify those as skits since they were done live before an audience. I think of those as segments so you're most likely going to see those examples and a bunch more in this week's column. So keep your hands and feet inside and enjoy the ride!

Reader Feedback

No Reader Feedback this week as this is going to be a very short column because work has been kicking my ass the last few days and I'm going to the Raw/SD Supershow in Jersey. I'll be sure to include the reader feedback from last week's column in next week's column along with the feedback from this week. Let's go into this week's list.

The Top Ten Segments

Some of the most memorable moments in the ring had nothing to do with wrestling, but rather a great segment that stays on our minds for a long time. Granted, sometimes segments can go on for too long or just be flat out boring. When they are done properly, however, they can be the most entertaining part of a wrestling show. Here are a few segments that I think will stay on many fans minds for a long time.

Honorable Mention: Matt Hardy comes back for some revenge
So Raw was going along just fine in the summer of 2005 with Edge and Lita walking backstage towards the ring when suddenly Edge was attacked by some mysterious man in camo pants. At first glance it just looked like some Matt Hardy look alike and seemed like another tease by the WWE. Nobody thought it was him because this person looked a lot more bulkier than Matt and the camera was too far away to catch a good glimpse of his face. So Edge proceeded to go through with his match only to be attacked by the same mysterious man and this time it was clear that it really was Matt Hardy. At the time, this was a big fucking deal because Matt had been taking shots at WWE and it seemed as if though he was never coming back to the E, but here he was. What made this segment even better is that it felt real because the storyline was based on real life and it seemed as if Edge and Matt were taking very stiff shots at each other. It was capped off with Matt Hardy telling the WWE to kiss his ass and that everyone should come see him in Ring Of Honor that weekend. A very well done segment that delivered a big surprise and felt very real.

Honorable Mention: Mickie loves Trish….She loves her A LOT
This was the segment where Mickie tied up Ashley and placed her in a huge gift box to lure Trish to try to save her. At first Trish gained the upper hand and attempted to free Ashley, only to have Mickie come in and go absolutely PSYCHO on her. First she started beating down Trish, despite having a bloody nose, and then delivered a very sick DDT to Trish. She then wiped off her bloody nose and smeared it on Trish while screaming, "DO YOU LOVE ME NOW!!" This was just an awesome segment that really built up just how crazy Mickie James is and made me love her even more.

Honorable Mention: Steamboat strips Flair of his dignity
This was during the great series of matches between Ricky Steamboat and Ric Flair in '89 and this occurred at Clash of Champions where Ric called out Steamboat while surrounded by a slew of ladies in the ring. Ric talked about his playboy lifestyle and mocked Steamboat for trying to be a family man. This brought Steamboat out and he talked about how Ric may enjoy that lifestyle, but he's a man of honor who loves his family. They bantered back and forth until Ric tried to pull Steamboat's punk card, but Steamboat responded with some wicked chops and by stripping down Flair to his tightie whities. A great segment that built heat for their feud and showcased the personalities of both with Flair being the smooth ladies man and Steamboat being the honorable family man.

Honorable Mention: The Rock….In Concert!!
This was before Austin and Rock were to have their final confrontation at Wrestlemania 19 and Rock decided to treat all us fans with a Rock Concert. Rocky started off by singing a song making fun of the hometown crowd of Sacramento which included talking about how fat the women were, how he didn't understand how people could actually live there, and how he'd come back when The Lakers beat The Kings that May. He then sang a song to Austin calling him a silly ass redneck and that if he thought he was going to beat The Rock, he must be high. Beer and them funny cigarettes don't mix baby!! Then the Hurricane came out in Austin's truck and The Rock instructed the Sacramento PD to arrest the Hamburglar for shoving chicken mcnuggets up his candy ass. With the police gone, Stone Cold came out of the back of the truck and beat down Rock and broke his Willie Nelson signed guitar. This was just a great segment that was classic Rock, playing to the crowd and being damn entertaining.

Honorable Mention: Tommy likes his ladies hardcore
Everything started when Raven's girl, Beulah, got pregnant but it wasn't Raven's kid. Rather it was Raven's mortal enemy, Tommy Dreamer. Well that wasn't enough cheating for Beulah as she was always fucking around with Kimona aka Hot Asian Bitch that has Sandman pour beer on her tits. Now most men would take that as a blow to their ego if their girl was messing around with a girl behind their back, but not Tommy. It was revealed that Beulah was messing with Kimona and Tommy just shrugged and said, "I'll take ‘em both on!" and then proceeded to tongue both ladies down. Truly a great segment for lesbian lovers everywhere.

10) He's just a Sexy Kurt…..Sexy Kuuuuuuurt
This was during the buildup to the HBK/Angle match at Wrestlemania 21 where Angle said he could do anything that Michaels could do. He then came out on an episode of Smackdown with HBK's music and accompanied to the ring by Sensational Sherry. He then started to sing HBK's theme song, but twisted the words juuuuust a little bit. Who could forget, "I'm just a Sexy Kurt(Sexyyyyy Kuuuuurtt), I'll make your ankle hurt(ankle huuuuurt)!" This was just a wonderfully funny segment that showed that Angle can be one of the funniest men in the E when he wants to.

9) Austin raises hell with a Zamboni
This was the night after Vince screwed Austin out of his WWE Championship by having Undertaker and Kane both pin him for the title. Austin was of course pissed off, but seeing how Vince was surrounded by Kane, Undertaker, and a bunch of police officers, he wasn't going to come alone. Instead, he rode to the ring in a Zamboni and after flipping the bird to everyone in the ring, gave a diving clothesline to Vince and beat his ass until the officers arrested him. This was just a fun, chaotic segment that showed that Austin was indeed crazy enough to do ANYTHING.

8) Michaels gives birth to DX
Shawn Michaels was notorious for doing juvenile, funny antics backstage and was encouraged by the boys in the back to bring that persona in front of the TV cameras. So HBK stuck some gauze down his shorts and came out for an interview with JR that was supposed to be serious and show his fear of The Undertaker. Instead Shawn was jumping up and down the ring, pointing to his gauze filled crotch and being as silly and unprofessional as possible. Initially HBK was fined for these actions, but after seeing the reaction it got and through some coaxing by Shawn, DX was born and started putting on some of the most crudest, funniest skits and segments anyone had ever seen. Thank God for gauze.

7) The Nature Boy returns to the WWE
This was the night after the WWE had defeated the Alliance for complete control of the WWE. This gave Vince 100% control and he planned to use his power to take the title away from the Alliance's Stone Cold and give it to Kurt Angle. Before he could do that, though, some familiar music hit and out came The Nature Boy in all his glory. That was the first time Flair was on WWE TV in 8 years and the fan response was deafening. Flair then came to the ring to reveal that Stephanie and Shane had sold their rights to the company to Flair so he was now a 50/50 partner with Vince. This was a great way to bring back Flair and a very memorable segment indeed.

6) Stone Cold stuns Vince for the 1st time
Owen Hart had just earned a countout victory over Brian Pillman when Stone Cold came out and proceeded to beat the piss out of him seeing how he was still feuding with The Hart Foundation. Vince McMahon then came in the ring to stop security from tossing Austin and try to reason with him. Vince explained that Austin couldn't continue to do that because he wasn't medically cleared by the doctors to compete and he was trying to look out for the welfare of Austin. Austin acted as though he understood Vince's point only to turn around and hit him with the stunner. This was momentous because this was the kickstart to the Austin/McMahon feud as it slowly started to turn Vince from horrible announcer into deranged owner of the WWE. Within a few months, Austin and McMahon would be engaged in a full out war and this is where it all started. Long term booking rules.

5) Heyman announces the rebirth of ECW
Who didn't mark out for this segment? Chris Jericho and Kane were in a match against Lance Storm and Mike Awesome when out of nowhere RVD and Tommy Dreamer came out of the crowd and started to attack the WWE guys. This brought out members from the WWE locker room including Tazz, Rhyno, and the Dudley Boyz. It seemed as though the calvary had arrived, but those guys turned on Jericho and Kane and started to help RVD and Dreamer beat them down. Heyman then got up from the announce position and stated that these men were to EXTREME for this WWE/WCW war and that ECW had risen again. This was just a truly unpredictable segment that instantly turned a rather mundane storyline into something interesting. Even if it was only for a couple weeks.

4) Hall shows up in WCW
Nitro was chugging along with a match between a couple jobbers when suddenly Scott Hall started making his way through the crowd and into the ring. This completely shocked the audience and announcers as Hall was the man known as Razor Ramon in the WWE just a few days prior. Hall announced that he was there to take over and that he was going to be bringing someone else with him to bring down WCW. This was so unexpected and gave a feeling of wonderment over Nitro because nobody knew whether that was something planned or if Hall really was sent by Vince to destroy WCW. An unforgettable segment that soon gave birth to one of the biggest factions ever in wrestling.

3) DX mocks The Nation
The Nation of Domination and DX were in a bitter feud with each other so DX decided to lighten things up a little bit by making fun of the entire Nation. Triple H posed as "The Crock" and came out with The Rock's signature sideburns, shiny shirt, and sunglasses. X-Pac dressed up as "Mizark" Henry, Billy Gunn was Kama, Road Dogg was D-Lo and some comedian(can't remember his name now) dressed up as Owen Hart, complete with the huge nose. This segment had numerous funny moments highlighted by Road Dogg repeating everything someone said and then going to the corner to shake his head like D-Lo and Triple H talking about what The Crock cooked up in the bathroom. A classic segment that remains one of Raw's most memorable moments.

2) Rock…..THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!
This is the highest rated segment ever in Raw and deservedly so. Mick Foley was always trying to kiss The Rock's booty and threw this great party for him in the ring as a celebration of Rocky's life. Not only was it complete with splendiferous gifts like a SWANK Rock N Sock Connection jacket and Mr. Rocko(Socko with Rock's picture on it), but it included surprise guests. Unfortunately Rock didn't take to kindly to these guests that included his high school teacher, a football coach and a former girlfriend. The best part came when Rock confronted the ex-girlfriend about her cutting The Rock off at 2nd base all those years ago but now all of a sudden she wanted to give him a great big old piece of that Poontang Pie! I nearly choked on my dinner the first time I saw this because I was laughing so hard. A great, great, great, great segment. I can't say enough good things about it.

1) Austin shares his beer with Vince and company
This was before Wrestlemania 15 and it had Vince, Shane and Rocky in the ring gloating about how they were going to take out Austin at said Wrestlemania. After a couple minutes of kissing each others butts, Austin drove out to the ring in a beer truck. The visual of seeing a beer truck driven into an arena full of people was awesome in itself, but it didn't end there. Austin ran down all three men in the ring and when The Rock tried to respond, Austin took out a hose and sprayed everyone in the ring with beer! The image of Vince swimming in beer is absolutely priceless. An awesome segment that shows why Austin may be the most popular wrestler to ever lace up a pair of boots.

Drive-By Pimpin'

Check out all these great columns by my 411 brethren:

-Andy Clark's "Shimmy"
-Ari's "Column Of Honor"
-Sean, Alex and David's "Triple Threat"
-Bayani's "Truth B Told"
-Weyer's "Shining The Spotlight"
-Byers' "Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People"
-Larry and Geoff's "3R's"
-Fact Or Fiction
-O'Dog's "Forgotten Goodness"
-Sat and Rajah's "High Road/Low Road"
-Phill Feltham's "Quick Talkdown"
-Sarnecky's "Piledriver Report"
-Slimmer's News Report
-JT and JP's "Hidden Highlights"
-Carapola's "That Was Then" and "The Week in Hardcore"
-The Fink's Payload
-The World According To Ron
-Clarke's "Ask 411"
-Meehan's "Meethinks"
-Sforcina's "Evolution Schematic"
-Prag's "In Defense Of…."
-Wrestlers of the Week
-Sullivan's "Crystal Ball"
-Randle's "Wrestling News Experience"
-Double M's Rasslin Report
-News To Start Your Weekend
-Dunn's Rawtopsy, ECW Breakdown, Smackdown Breakdown and TNA Breakdown
-Cook's "News From Cook's Corner"

The Sign-Off

That's all for this week mis amigos. Be sure to email me with your lists and thoughts and come back next week when we will celebrate the new World Heavyweight Champion by counting down The Top Ten Booker T matches. ALL HAIL KING BOOKER!!!