Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People 08.03.06: Don't Be Trendy (Part 2)
Posted by Ryan Byers on 08.03.2006
I have just reviewed eighteen straight Hulk Hogan matches. Somebody get me an ROH DVD before I fall in to a coma induced by dangerously low * levels.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People. Last week, I suggested that those of you who had not yet purchased "Hulk Still Rules" from WWE might want to head to eBay for a copy since the new Hogan DVD set being released will probably prompt many wrestling fans to part with their older discs. I started a review of Hulk Still Rules in that column, covering disc number one. This week, we move on to the second disc.
Title: Hulk Still Rules Released By: WWE Release Year: 2002 Run Time: 240 minutes Found At:eBay Price: $6
Bonus Match Numero Seite: Hulk Hogan w/ Freddie Blassie vs. Ben Ortiz & Angelo Gomez (WWF All-Star Wrestling, 01/02/80)
The jobbers in question are from Puerto Rico, allegedly, and they're providing Hulkafodder, for the big man's first WWF heel run. The both shoot for Hogan's arms only to have him shove them both away, and ditto for shooting for the big man's legs. Back to the arms, and there's another shove. Punches are no-sold and Hulk swats them away like flies. Pummel pummel pummel goes Hogan. Slam on Gomez, and Ortiz cannot dropkick Hogan down. He's slammed as well, and a two-man headlock follows for Bollea, and both men fall down to the mat out of the hold for no reason. A back elbow is the next move eaten by Gomez, and he's slammed again. Fortunately Ortiz finally grows a brain and tries to hold Hogan for his partner to nail, but you know how that works. Gomez is quickly tossed to the arena floor, and that leaves Ortiz to eat a backbreaker and a vertical suplex for two, as the cocky sumbitch pulls his man up. Gomez tries to get back in but is swatted away, and Hogan busts out a shotei of all things on Ortiz. Gomez? Batted off the apron again. Ortiz is lifted again with a gut wrench . . . ummm . . . drop to the mat thingy. Apparently that was a botched spot, as Hulk does the exact same thing but this time managers to get Benny boy all the way up in to a backbreaker hold that gets the submission win.
Match Thoughts: Squash matches can usually get up to one star out of me, but handicap squash matches? No way. DUD.
An uncharateristically uncharasmatic Hogan promo follows. He prophetically calls himself the new king of professional wrestling before putting over his scientific wrestling prowess. Har-dee-har-har. Sadly, they don't let Blassie talk.
Bonus Match Numero Ocho: Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair (c) w/ Sensuous Sherri for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship (WCW Bash at the Beach, 7/17/94)
Well, this is quite the jump ahead in time from our last match. Hogan bounces around the ropes like a superball to start, and we go to the staredown. Yes, they're finally meeting. Flair delivers the arrogant shove but eats Hogan's shoulderblock to be taken down. Hulk shoves him down off of a lockup and begs off a little as even HEENAN puts over the Hulk. The Nature Boy ducks a lockup and struts, as I pause my DVD and strut a little too. Hogan gets some advice from Jimmy Hart, which I'm assuming is a tip on how to make songs that sound close to an original but are just different enough to avoid getting sued. Hogan commits wrestling blasphemy by MOCKING THE STRUT, and there are clearly some fans in the crowd who do not like it. Flair grabs him in a hammerlock takedown just as Tony makes the point that trying to get in to close with Hogan is stupid. Whoops. The hold is turned in to an armbar by Flair, and that is worked for a good chunk of time. Wait . . . Hogan reverses in to a cross arm breaker? I think I'm having that dream about Craig Pittman becoming a main eventer again. Flair rolls that in to a pinning combo for one, however, and he bails after Hulk charges at him. Another lockup sees Bollea take down Flair with a hammerlock of his own before opening up with a series of rights that rock the champion. Corner clothesline to Slick Ric is next, and our hero is begging off once more . . . and he bails to avoid the boot! Sheri is hidden behind, and that provides enough time for Flair to get back in to the ring first, which obviously gives him the advantage. FLAIR CHOPS! Yeah, but he also misses a kneedrop and gets flattened with a poor lariat.
Ric is then sent to two of the four buckles and punched a little more, but Sherri grabs Hogan's leg off of the ropes, allowing for a Flair cheap shot. "He went to kick her!" Heenan protests. Hulk then takes a bump out to the floor off of a chop, but Jimmy Hart blocks Sherri's attempt to chair Hogan. Flair finally pops out and sends Hogan to the rail before placing him back in the ring and hitting a fist drop from the top rope. Yes, Flair went to the top rope and made it! Kneedrop from Ric hits this time around, and will somebody please take that damn megaphone away from Hart? Chops and punches are traded, and I'll leave you to guess what actually wins. Ric actually manages to score a two count off of a double leg and a rope-footed pin. A clothesline from the big man gets two shortly after, and things continue to seesaw as Flair pulls him down with a snap mare and applies the chinlock. While the hold is on, Tony refers to Jimmy's megaphone as the Hulk-a-phone, which makes me want to Hulk-a-hurl, as does the cliche two arm drops followed by the power out routine that Hogan goes through. Shoulderblocks follow from the red and yellow express, as does the Flair flip and a big lariat out to the floor.
Hogan's out as well, and a wild swing from the champion is turned in to a backdrop by the challenger. (Boy, does it feel weird to call Hogan that or what?) A vertical suplex puts the dirtiest player in the game back in, and the legdrop misses! Hogan sells missing that more than he's sold any of Flair's offense to this point, and theeeeere's the figure four . . . COUNTERED IN TO A SMALL PACKAGE! TWO! A second attempt at the hold and Hogan kicks Flair off, with the same result for a third . . . way to neuter your champion, boys. Flair at least manages to get him up for a vertical suplex, but there's the Hulk up. (Heenan: "Yes! Yes! Yes! No! No! No!" So that's where Harlem Heat's music comes from!) Boot, leg drop, but Sherri pulls the ref out and Flair clips Hogans knee to set up a top rope splash from his valet. Nick Patrick intervenes as referee as Flair slaps on the figure four. Hogan stays in the hold for entirely too long before dragging himself to the ropes, and Sherri chokes him as Flair distracts the referee. Ric keeps on the leg with a few boots and takes Hulk over to the corner for some chops. They are emphatically not sold, and Flair begs off again before getting punched in the face repeatedly. Hogan charges in to a back elbow agian, however, but Sherri misses her splash this time as Hulk tosses Flair off of the top rope.
A single lariant then takes both Ric and Sherri down, and then the challenger slaps on a figure four of his own. Sherri's up on the apron, however, and Hogan releases the hold. Mr. T takes her away as Hulk lets go of the hold, and Flair simultaneously loads up the brass knucks. Hogan kicks out of that at two, and here's our second Hulk up of the match. Shoulderblock. Punches. Boot. Leg drop. Three. There goes the neighborhood, WCW.
Match Thoughts: As one of the bigger Ric Flair fans on the planet, this match made me sad. So, so sad. I know that Hogan eventually had to go over him for the WCW Title, but doing it in the first one-on-one encounter between the two men in a match that had no real angle behind it was a bad move. You could have at least booked Hogan to win by DQ or count out to set up a rematch. As if that wasn't bad enough, the World Champion was made to look like a complete and utter jobber on his home turf, with Hogan selling next to none of his offense, reversing or getting out of his finisher far too easily, and single handedly defeating him despite the fact that his manager had a few opportunities to interfere. Sure, Bischoff wanted to take the company in a new direction, but that does not necessitate completely destroying everything that made it great prior to the arrival of the big new star. *
Bonus Match Numero Nueve: Hulk Hogan vs. Tiger Chung Lee (aired 10/18/1985)
The match is actually part of a larger Tuesday Night Titans segment that sees Hogan coming out for a sit-down interview with Vince McMahon and Alfred "Don't call me Ed McMahon" Hayes. The Hulkster is wearing the very fashionable combination of knee socks and cowboy boots as he busts on the WWF heels that were out right before his appearance. Bollea then goes and talks about his weight lifting belt, which he instructs Vince to take and put on the line in some sort of contest for the fans.
When we get to the match, Jesse is ranting about the "mystery of the Orient." Spare me. The two lock up, and Lee gets a punch blocked, eating one from Hogan not long after. Another lockup sees a low kick from the Tiger, followed up be a series of feet. Hulk ducks a lariat, however, and a bodyslam sends Lee to the outside. Hulk slingshots him back in from the apron and gets a backbreaker for two before applying the armbar. Monsoon takes the opportunity to talk about what a "great representative for the wrestling world" Hogan is. Believe it or not, I actually agree with that statement, minus the steroids. Lee finally manages to back Hogan in to the corner and there's a clean break . . . until Tiger kicks Hulk square in the mush. The Asian gets a few chops and some one counts from said chops, but it's soon Hulk up time, and you all know how that ends.
Match Thoughts: I'll call this 1/2*, just because Tiger Chung Lee was one of my favorite jobbers. There's not a heck of a lot to analyze otherwise.
We're back to TNT, where the crowd is going nuts for the taped match. Hogan gets "turned on" and says "I can't stand to see another guy going down like that without ripping my clothes off." I'm not even going to touch that one. Vicious Vince mentions that everybody seems to be gunning for Hogan, and the Hulk mentions that it's his fans that keep him from worrying. McMahon then goes on to talk about the King Kong Bundy/John Studd tandem, and he asks who the champ would select as his partner against the two of him. His answer? Lanny Poffo. Okay, so it's actually Andre the Giant, but that was just too damned cliche for me to actually type out. And, holy shit, we actually throw to Lanny Poffo! I wasn't even planning that. He's written a poem about Hogan, and he recites it in a full suit of armor. He's like the 1980's version of John Cena . . . or not. After that bizarre spectacle, the Hulk runs through his workout obsession and the demandments . . . blah blah blah, commercial break.
We come back, and Vince is hyping the next week's show, and Alfred is flexing in the foreground, much to the Hulk's chagrin. Hogan shows him how it's done. What the heck was the point of coming back for THAT?
Bonus Segment Numero Tres: Interview with Mean Gene
A twenty-first century version of Gene Okerlund recounts the angle behind the match in which he would team with Hogan against Mr. Fuji and George "The Animal" Steele in a very kayfabed sort of manner. Nothing there, but it compensates for the lack of commentary on the upcoming bout.
Bonus Match Numero Deis: Hulk Hogan & Gene Okerlund vs. George Steele & Mr. Fuji (8/26/1984)
We're in Minneapolis, and he crowd is going wild for Hogan in his old AWA stomping grounds. Ditto Gene, for that matter. The faces shadow box for a bit and play to the crowd as the heels stand there awestruck on the outside. A high five and butt-bump follow, and I think I'm actually going to wind up doing more commentary on the faces' entrance than I do the actual match. The bad guys finally get in to the ring, and Fuji forces Steele in to the corner, choosing to start off the match against Hogan. The two lock up , and Fuji tries to chop him in the corner, but Hogan ducks and hits a hiptoss, followed in short order by a bodyslam. Fuji bails and tags out to the Animal, who does a bit of a goose step which is mocked by the Hulkster. Hogan politely informs our hairy friend of which sections of his body he wishes George would kiss, and they circle each other some more. Steele scores with a few closed fist punches and slams Hogan's head to the mat before stomping away. It's all no-sold, and the champ fires back on both heels, who head to the outside. Hulk follows and destroys them on the floor, with Gene even running over for a cheap kick. The faces high five each other, and the referee notes it as a tag, meaning Gene-o actually has to get in to the ring and face off against Steele.
The crowd is actually pretty happy about this despite the fact that it means Okerlund will get KILLED. The man with the moustache immediately sidesteps the Animal's offense and tags Hogan right back in, leading to both heels being destroyed once again. Hulk bites the Animal, Gene bites the Animal. Hulk goes to the Animal's eyes, Gene goes to the animal's eyes. The Hulk then KO's Steele with a big boot and brings Fuji in to the ring, holding him for a bit of offense from Gene. Hulk goes for a cover, but the Animal makes a save and works him over in the corner as Fuji distracts the referee. There's a whole lot of choking going on, and Fuji gets a one count off of that, as the Hulk up cycle repeats. Steele runs in illegally and is dispatched with a backdrop, leading Hogan to tag in Okerlund before whipping the Hawaiian in to the announcer's little boot. Hulk then tosses his partner down on to the manager, and Mean Gene scores a big pinfall victory. More destruction of the heels follows afterwards, and everybody goes wild as Hogan and Okerlund run through their secret handshake again. At least there was no homoerotic grunting like in the training segments.
Match Thoughts: Like just about every match on the disc up to this point, it was what it was. Getting Okerlund involved in the match in his home town was a great way to draw a crowd and keep them happy while simultaneously keeping the wrestlers from having to do much, and I'm always a fan of matches that are able to get a reaction without the competitors being killed. As far as the work itself was concerned, Fuji and Steele were both well past their primes athletically, and Hogan was in his prime but peaked a lot lower than a lot of other people within the wrestling business. I won't even get started on Okerlund. This is something that's fun to watch as a novelty but really can't stand up to repeated viewings unless you're a massive Hogan fan. 3/4*
Bonus Match Numero Once: Hulk Hogan vs. The Undertaker (c) w/ Paul Bearer for the WWF Heavyweight Championship (This Tuesday in Texas, 12/3/1991)
Prior to the match, we're treated to a promo by Hogan as well as footage of the Survivor Series tombstone that cost Hogan the championship. Neither were as good as the Undertaker and Paul Bearer appearing on Regis & Kathy Lee to hype up Taker's casket match with Yokozuna, which is something that I just happened to catch on tape the other day.
Taker AND Bearer assault Hogan as he enters, but Hulk quickly gets them both with a double noggin knocker and follows up with a corner lariat on the champion. Hogan then mounts his man in the corner and bites the foreheard before landing the ten punch combo to the delight of everybody. Oh, and did I mention that WWF president Jack Tunney is at ringside for this one? Now THERE'S a special guest enforcer, ladies and gentlemen. . . screw this Mr. T crap. Taker still won't go down, so Hogan goes to the eyes a couple of times, and he almost loses his man on an inverted atomic drop. UT sits up, and he also won't head down after a Hulkster clothesline. Mr. Calloway lands a forearm off of a slam attempt, but slam number two actually hits. Taker sits up as Hulk nails Bearer, and a big lariat sends the champ out to the floor, although he lands on his feet. Hogan gets him back up on the apron and unloads with some rights, knocking UT to the floor, where he pulls Hogan out of the ring and hits him with some thrusts to the throat. The Dead Man then chokes everybody's hero, and he's got a beauty of a look on his face as he does it. Hulk crumbles to the floor as Jack Tunney sits there and does NOTHING. Back on the inside, Taker chokes a little more and follows up with yet more choking, this time in the corner. Okay, he really should be unconscious by this point. Literally. It's been about forty straight seconds in a chokehold now. Hogan finally breaks out of the hold by lifting Taker up and backing him in to the corner, but Hulk runs in to a boot when he attempts to capitalize.
Undie then walks the ropes as he's wont to do, and there's more choking, prompting Hogan to roll out again. He pulls Taker out and fires off some punches, but the future biker reverses a whip in to the post. We go inside again, and UT applies a "claw hold" to the face, although Gorilla Monsoon speculates that he may just be trying to smother Hogan with the palm of his hand. It gets a few different nearfalls before referee Robert Marella checks the arm. That naturally revives Hogan, who kicks out of Taker's grasp. UT trips trying to run the ropes and collapses in a heap, completely killing the momentum. Hogan runs in to a boot again after that, and that's used to set up Mean Mark's flying clothesline, which I assume is what they were going for before he screwed up. A delayed cover gets a two count, and Taker looks to walk the ropes again for whatever reason, but Hulk pulls him off and down to the mat. Naturally, the champ sits up in short order. The Hulk up sequence begins as Ric Flair makes his way to the ring, but he's held off by Jack Tunney. Taker is then lariated out, which frees up Hogan to grab a chair and whack the Nature Boy, who collides with Jack Tunney as a result. Hogan gets a big forearm on Taker on the inside, but the Dead Man goes to the eyes. The Hulkster responds in kind, and Flair pops up on the apron with a chair. Hogan sends Taker in to it, however, and it rebounds in to Flair's face. That leads to be big boot, but Taker goes to the throat before anything else can be done. Bearer then comes up and tries to hit Hogan with the urn, but he misses and gets Taker. Ashes spill all over the place, as would be expected, and Hogan throws them in to UT's face before school boying him for the victory and the title.
Match Thoughts: Ugh, not a very good one here. I will say that both men involved moved very well given their respective sizes, though that's about the only compliment that I can hand out to the match. Everything was incredibly dull, as Taker just choked and choked and choked while Hogan took things easy by laying around on the mat for about half of the match. Fortunately, the crowd was very much in to it, although they definitely wouldn't be in the modern era. . . and that's why the pay per view these two headlined a decade later tanked. Oh yeah, and did I mention that the finish was a tad overbooked to boot? *
Match Numero Doce: Hulk Hogan vs. Big John Studd (10/19/1985)
This one is from a Federation tour of Puerto Rico, and it's really only included on the compilation because of its novelty value, which becomes readily apparent within a few minutes. The two lock up to start, and Hogan is shoved back in to the turnbuckle in what is a very small ring. Lockup number two produces the same results, but they're reversed on number three. Number four and Studd goes for a slam, but Hogan backs out of it, and the roles reverse on number five. Hogan goes in for yet another lockup, but Big John punches him a few times and applies a knuckle lock. The Hulkster fights his way out, as can be expected, but a kneelift from Studd cuts off the comeback. Comeback number two falls victim to the same tactic, but number three is successful as Hogan blocks the knee and stomps Studd's fingers. A series of punches from the champion is next, but Mr. Minton catches him in the corner with some forearms and slaps on a bearhug. Hulk breaks by slipping his arms in to Studd's, eventually picking him up for his own bearhug. Studd quickly goes to the eyes and puts his version of the hold back on, and the official begins checking Hogan's arm. Naturally, it's up at the last possible second, and Hogan pops up but misses a shoulder in the corner. At this point, the sky OPENS UP and tons of rain begins cascading down in to the ring. Studd goes back to the bearhug as a result, and the rain only gets heavier. The ring is now soaked, and audience members have lifted their chairs up over their heads to use as umbrellas. Hogan gets an atomic drop on Studd, who slips and falls on the landing. They go to the floor where Studd is posted, and the referee quickly counts Big John out of the ring in order to put a finish to the match, ironically just as the rain is letting up. The crowd is NOT happy. No rating on this one for obvious reasons.
Match Numero Trece: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Nikolai Volkoff w/ Freddie Blassie for the WWF Championship (Saturday Night's Main Event, 10/5/1985)
Volkoff attacks from behind as Hogan hands the American flag to a ring boy, which is just another advantage that Nikolai had with Freddie Blassie in his corner . . . he didn't have to bend over and turn his back to his opponent do dispose of his nation's colors. The Pearl Harbor job is pretty generic offensively but has good intensity, as does Hogan's comeback, which takes place after five seconds. Hulk hits a clothesline and a series of headbutts, and Nikolai takes a bump down on to the timekeeper's table off of a not-so-big boot. HE'S HARDCORE! That leads to a brawl on the floor, where Hogan runs in to the ring post which is still iron and not yet steel. Back on the inside, Nikolai flies off the top with a double axe handle, which he follows up with a PRESS SLAM~! There's one Hogan would never let happen these days. Volkoff teases a backbreaker after that, but Hogan reverses it. It doesn't lead to a momentum switch in Hulk's favor, but that comes soon enough, as he kicks out of a pin attempt at two and does the Hulk Up routine. It's actually mixed up a little bit this time around, as Volkoff goes for an avalanche after the punches but misses. That sets up the legdrop instead of the big boot. Speaking of big boots, Hulk shines his with the Soviet flag after the bell.
Match Thoughts: For two guys who are usually not considered great wrestlers, I always thought that Volkoff and Hogan had some great chemistry together, as they were large men who (at least at this point in their careers) didn't mind going at full speed for five minutes and really laying in to each other with some hard chops. It's Hogan matches like this or similar bouts against Don Muraco that I really enjoy. The badass, rising Hulk that actually roughed people up a little is infinitely superior to the guy who would start coasting off of his legacy within the next couple of years after this contest. *3/4
Match Numero Catorce: Hulk Hogan vs. Mr. Perfect w/ The Genius (Saturday Night's Main Event, 4/28/1990)
Jesse Ventura makes an uncharacteristically stupid call in the pre-match commentary, saying that Hennig needs to "use his perfection" to win. How exactly would that work? Next thing you know, he'll be saying that Rick Martel needs to "use his arrogance." Preposterous. Perfect gets an early hiptoss, which causes Leaping Lanny to PRANCE WITH GLEE~! Hogan responds to the hiptoss was one of his own and a couple of slams, which sends us in to a heel strategy session on the floor. Apparently it works, as Hennig manages to send his man in to the buckles and avoid a big boot to set up heel strategy session number two. This one's not as effective, as Perfect is grabbed and chopped on the area floor. He takes a very cartoonish bump for that and does the same for a post shot. It's still iron, by the way. Back on the inside, the Immortal One gets a clothesline and one more in the corner en route to hitting a couple of elbows. The second one of those sends Perfect out to the floor yet again, but the Genius distracts Hogan and the referee. That sets up a shot from the metal scroll on Hulk, and there's a woman in the front row who looks oddly like Condoleezza Rice. We're back in the ring after a commercial, and the Perfect Plex connects for two. In an odd twist, Ventura claims that Hogan pulled the tights to get OUT of the pinning combination, and we've got a Hulk Up. Of course, it gets us to the three count. The Genius gets tossed over the top after the bell, and a jubilant Vince McMahon notes that he must be "smarting."
Match Thoughts: Well, I will say this for Hogan's formulaic matches it makes them easy to recap. I just have to say "Hulk up," and everybody knows exactly what I'm talking about. Encapsulating four minutes of wrestling action in two words is always a blast. As far as the actual quality of the match is concerned, I'd say that this was fairly so-so. Aside from his cage matches with the Big Bossman, Hogan was basically done doing anything fun in the ring by this point in his career. However, Hennig managed to keep things watchable, as he bumped like a superball for the Hulk and generally made the contest much more entertaining than lesser wrestler would. Ultimately, though, you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. **
Match Numero Quince: Hulk Hogan & Andre the Giant w/ Lou Albano vs. Big John Studd & King Kong Bundy (Saturday Night's Main Event, 11/2/1985)
It's Bundy and Hogan to start, with Hulk hitting a high knee. He tries to toss Bundy over the top after that, but it fails. Hogan stays on his man with a bionic elbow of all things, which sets up the corner clothesline. Now we've got Andre, and he chokes Bundy with his own singlet straps, which the referee fails to care about. He's not even counting. Mr. Bollea is back, and he drops the double sledge before getting caught up in the heel corner. Studd tags in and gets a shoulderblock and a back elbow, but Hogan comes back with the world's lousiest backbreaker. That gets Andre back in, but he nails the referee inadvertently while winding up to hit Big John. Everybody brawls, with the good guys clearing the ring. There's a commercial break as we wait for a second referee, and Andre has Studd in a bearhug when we come back. It softens Studd up enough so that Hulk can come in and get a clothesline, and here's Andre again for a big boot. Studd rolls out to the floor, and apparently this is a lucha match, because Bundy walks in and the ref treats it like a legal tag. He hits a splash on Hogan, but it's not sold. The heels do a mini-beatdown but ultimately get chased from the ring. Andre's quivering beer gut during the post-match promo shows us while he started wearing a shirt. He and Hulk shake hands, proving that they're best friends and that there would never be any bad blood between them ever.
Match Thoughts: The dynamic between the Hogan/Andre team seemed odd here, as they made frequent tags and probably spent equal amounts of time in the ring. That makes absolutely no sense to me given that it was clear that the Giant's physical condition had already begun its steep decline by this point. Why not just let Hulk carry the bulk of the work, allowing Andre to get in a few key spots towards the end of the match? Granted, that would have been more difficult here than in most cases since there was no typical "hot tag" and comeback by the good guys, but it wouldn't have been impossible. Anyway, the size of all four men, particularly when combined with the odd apportionment of labor between the faces, left this as nothing to write home about. 1/4*
Match Numero Dieciseis: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Roddy Piper for the WWF Championship (Wrestlevision, 11/7/1985)
By the looks of things, Barney Miller star Abe Vagoda is our referee. The match starts off on the floor but quickly comes in to the squared circle, where Piper chops at his opponent's throat. Hulk responds with the corner clothesline, and Piper does a Flair flop. A rare backdrop suplex is next from Hogan, and it's followed up by a not-so-rare bodyslam and a couple of elbows. A miscue by the referee allows Rowdy Roddy to get in a cheap shot and stomp away at his man, but he jumps off the second rope and in to a bearhug. A thumb to the eye breaks it, and there's the sleeper that would actually beat Hogan over a decade later in WCW. Hulk starts to come back, and for some reason he decides to break the hold by running directly at the ropes. Both men go over the top, where Piper gets posted. Hogan does a rare Hulk Up on the floor and gets the big boot and an atomic drop back in the ring. Piper tosses Hulk in to the referee, though, and now we've got a chair in play. It connects with Hogan's back, but Hulk blocks another shot before getting one of his own. He applies a sleeper at this point, but here comes Bob Orton, Jr. to draw the disqualification. Paul Orndorff, another friend of Hogan's who would never disagree with him, ever, hits the ring for the save.
Match Thoughts: Wow. I knew Hogan matches got repetitive, but this really is later, rinse, repeat. This was essentially the same as the Perfect match earlier on the same disc, except you weren't going to see Piper taking nearly the dives for Hogan that Hennig did. *1/2
Match Numero Decisiete: The 1990 Royal Rumble
We're joined in progress at Hogan's number twenty-five entry. He immediately tosses Jimmy Snuka and Haku. The Ultimate Warrior responds by getting rid of Tito Santana, leaving us with Rick Martel and Honky Tonk Man in addition to Hulk and Warrior. Standard battle royale brawling dominates until Shawn Michaels shows up at twenty-six. Honky is thrown out by Hogan seconds later, and Warrior quickly disposes of both Martel and Michaels. That leaves Hogan and the Warrior one-on-one, and the crowd reaction is a little bit more subdued than you might expect. People are cheering, but it's not at the epic levels of Wrestlemania VI. Speaking of, they do the bit for that match in which everybody runs the ropes, and stereo clotheslines result in both men laying down and taking a rest. That gives number twenty-seven the Barbarian time to hit the ring. A young Dave Wills' left testicle descended at this point. Konga drops elbows on both babyfaces, and here's Rick Rude. He actually jumped the gun by about ten seconds, though he's number twenty-eight. He heads for Warrior immediately, and the bad guys control in the corners. Rude gets a nice standing dropkick to break up the monotony, but said break is short-lived. Then, in a tease of dissension between the good guys, Warrior saves Hogan from elimination, but Hogan does not show Hulk the same courtesy when Rude and Barbarian toss him. Hercules, looking like a roided up Eugene, hits the ring at twenty-nine. He's in his short-lived babyface run, so Herc helps Hulk hurt the heels. (Alliteration!) Absolutely nothing happens until Mr. Perfect comes in at thirty, and then Herc tosses the Barbarian. A Rude/Perfect double team gets rid of the Greek god shortly thereafter, and now the odds are against Hogan. Three guesses as to how that turns out. Yup, Hogan eliminates both men in spectacular fashion and wins the whole shooting match. Generally a match like a Royal Rumble is unratable, and that's definitely true when you're only given the last sixth of it. However, from what I was able to see here, it wasn't nearly as exciting as the modern Rumbles, as the crowd allowed a lot more standing around and laying on the ropes before they got bored and started to turn on things.
Match Numero Deiciocho: The Megapowers (Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Hillbilly Jim, Koko B. Ware, & Hercules) vs. The Megabucks (Ted DiBiase, The Twin Towers, The Red Rooster, & Haku) w/ Slick, Virgil, & Bobby Heenan (Survivor Series, 11/24/1988)
It's Savage and DiBiase up front, with Ted gaining the upper hand early on but falling victim to the Macho Man's jab and a clothesline. That sets up the tag to Herc, who was feuding with DiBiase at this point in time. Taylor comes in as well, working in a jawbreaker and attempting to apply the sharpshooter, only to be punched in the face. A short-arm clothesline is next for Herc, and he tags in Ware. It's Bird vs. Birdman as Ware runs in to Rooster's boot, and here's Haku. He misses a legdrop, bringing Hercules back in for some fisticuffs. He brings Hogan right back in, and Hulk gets a big clothesline to set up a double boot with his good friend Hillbilly Jim. Haku escapes, allowing Taylor to come back in. He fails to hit a slam and gets nailed by one from Jim, setting up Ware's return to the ring. The former PYT hits a nice powerslam and a missile dropkick for two. That brings Hulk back in, and Hogan immediately gets a big boot. That sets up a tag to Savage, and his elbow sends Terry Taylor to the showers. The babyfaces storm the ring at this point, celebrating their first elimination as though it won the whole match for them.
The heels send Haku in to the ring when they regroup, and he does battle with Hogan. The future Meng hits an impressive dropkick but gets caught by the corner clothesline and a bodyslam. Hercules tags in and drops a couple of elbows on his man, but Haku plants him with a belly to back suplex and brings Akeem in. He misses an elbowdrop, setting up a tag to Hillbilly Jim. Jim uses the big boot again and tries for a bearhug, only to be squashed in the corner. He recovers quickly but runs in to a clothesline and a big splash for the first babyface elimination of the evening. Ware runs in to the match immediately after the three and hits a dropkick to set up Hogan's re-entry. There's a Savage double sledge on the big guy, and now Hercules is in for a failed attempt at getting the big guy off his feet. He does keep him dazed, though, as does Koko B. Ware's dropkick. Akeem dodges a Stinger Splash , though, and he's caught in the Bossman Slam for another elimination. Mr. Traylor stays in, but Hogan quickly gets him down thanks to an atomic drop/corner clothesline/big boot/slam. Hulk plays to the crowd too much, however, and he's spiked by a Bossman spinebuster. The other Twin Tower hits the ring for a double back elbow, and here's Bossman's sitdown splash on the ropes. That allows the tag to Ted DiBiase, who gets a clothesline and some fistdrops. Hogan Hulks Up out of the pin attempt, though, and he lands another atomic drop. There's the tag to DiBiase rival Hercules, and Herc gets in a big back body drop and a kneelift. That sets up a series of clotheslines, but Virgil provides the distraction and allows Teddy to get a schoolboy for another elimination.
We're now four-on-two in favor of the bad guys, but Savage sneaks in a quick rollup of his own to get DiBiase out of the match. Now we've got Haku against Savage, but he misses a headbutt to set up a tag to Hogan. Hulk is taken down by a Haku thrust kick, and Bossman tags in to headbutt his opponent's back. Now the final WCW Hardcore Champion is here, and he works in the nerve hold on Hogan's traps. Surprisingly, Hogan Hulks out of that, though his comeback is cut off by a Bossman Slam. Traylor fails to put him away, though, instead going up to the top rope. He misses a big splash, and heeeeeere's Savage. Randy goes nuts on all three heels, but Slick trips him up from the outside. That sets up a Bossman bearhug as Slick and Elizabeth get in to a little fight at ringside. Hogan decks the manager for the save, but the Twin Towers jump him. Hogan is handcuffed to the bottom rope, but Bossman gets counted out of the ring. He sticks around and wallops Hulk with the nightstick, completely taking the focus off of the match that is still going on in the ring. He also hits the ring and uses the stick on Macho as Haku takes over on Hogan. The interference by Bossman gets Akeem disqualified since he was the legal man, so we're down to Hogan and Savage against Haku, though Hulk is a bit of a non-factor at this point. Meng gets a slam but misses an elbow, and Slick has stayed at ringside to taunt Hogan with the keys to the handcuffs. Haku misses a dropkick on the inside, and he accidentally decks the Slickster as well. Heenan is dispatched by Hogan, and the fall of the heel managers allows Liz to steal the key and save the Hulk. God forbid they just let Savage win the match on his own and get the glory. Nope. Instead Haku gets a second rope splash on Savage and immediately looks like the world's biggest geek when he kicks Savage in to the babyface corner. There's Hogan, there's the boot, and there's the pinfall.
Match Thought: Not surprisingly, this was the longest match on the DVD, clocking in at over twenty minutes in length. I'm usually huge fan of Survivor Series elimination matches, so I enjoyed this contest much more than I would normally enjoy the singles matches of most of the participants. Everybody was exactly where they needed to be at exactly the right time, and you had the perfect mix of speed based wrestlers and power based wrestlers to keep one style from dominating and crowding out the other. That goes a long way to making sure that certain team members don't stick out like sore thumbs and thus hurt the flow of the match. My only complaint about this one is that the finish was way too busy. I don't know if the show was running out of time, but it seems like the eliminations of Bossman, Akeem, and Haku could have been spaced out more. As it stood, the finish was far too busy with all of those eliminations and extracurricular activities involving Elizabeth, Hogan, and Slick at ringside. This is one of the few matches involving the likes of Hogan, Hercules, and Akeem that I would voluntarily watch again for purposes of my own enjoyment. **3/4
A series of four Hulk Hogan promos wraps up the disc. None of them are particularly good, and one of them (from the buildup to his Wrestlemania match with the Rock) is actually quite lame. They my as well not have been there at all for everything that they added to the disc.
Final Thoughts
Number of Matches: 18 Highest Star Rating: **3/4 Lowest Star Rating: DUD Average Star Rating (ratable matches only): *1/4
Obviously, a Hulk Hogan DVD isn't going to be about wrestling. A Hulk Hogan DVD is going to be about nostalgia and some decent promos. The promos that were included before and after the matches delivered, showcasing Hogan from his early WWF career all way until WCW. The set also delivered in the nostalgia department, although in an odd way. You're not getting all of Hogan's greatest matches and moments here (at least not in full). There's no Hogan vs. Warrior, there's no Hogan vs. DiBiase one-on-one, there's no Hogan vs. Rock, and there's no Hogan vs. Savage. Hell, there isn't even Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy. However, even though the bigger matches are lacking, the less notable Hulk moments training with Mean Gene, wrestling Studd in the rain, winning the Rumble, etc. are still more memorable than the best moments of other men's careers just because this is Hulk Hogan and he was at the top for so long. So, in that regard, if you watch the right extras, this is an enjoyable trip down memory lane.
However, mixed in with the good moments is a TON of filler that honestly didn't need to be on the set. The matches with Volkoff, Perfect, Tiger Chung Lee, and Piper all could have gone. (That's not to say that Hogan/Piper wasn't a big deal . . . but they could have included a more memorable match from the feud.) The inclusion of all that fairly useless stuff would have left me feeling quite angry if I had purchased the set at full price. However, if you can find it for under $10, that is a fine price for the quality material that is actually present . . . and, who knows, perhaps you'll even enjoy some of the matches that I've deemed rubbish.
