Truth B Told 8.17.06: It’s SHOWTIME…Eventually
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 08.17.2006
136 more days and countin’…whatcha gonna do Stinger? Whatcha gonna do??
Yeah, I'm BACK from vacation this week. Although, to be honest, this is going to be another short column. Yeah, yeah, I know, you think I'm a slacker, but things have come up lately and lets just say that I have some ‘personal stuff' going on. Not to the degree that Kid Kash got an "extended vacation" for but you know…stuff. Plus on top of all that my ability to get my hands on a computer after next week is in some doubt. Stayed tuned. TBT is influx like the WSX right now…only TBT employs slightly less crackheads. Only slightly.
This week we're taking a brief look at the last 4 months of Sting's contract and trying to decide just where his attention would be the most valuable. Clearly a Sting vs Jeff Jarrett feud was not where it was at. Even Sting vs Steiner had more appeal. After what seems like months of anticipating and what everyone seemed to be seeing coming a mile away it looks like we'll get a Sting/Christian feud. Or will we? Sorry to do this to you but I have a feeling that perhaps Sting vs Christian will not happen for at least another PPV or two. Call it a hunch, call it intuition, call it *spoilers* but it seems like perhaps maybe Sting and JJ won't ever be over. Until of course JJ isn't champion anymore. Lets just hope that is sooner than later. The real question is: Why the hell has the majority of Sting's tenure in TNA revolved around JJ? Tell me there isn't a better use of Sting's …'overness'. Is that even a word? I guess what I'm saying is, there has to be someone that could use Sting's rub than JJ. Wait…damn, okay there is no way to say that without it coming out slightly homoerotic. Like wrestling itself really.
So basically the people who have been brought into the Sting Storyline have been JJ, AMW, Steiner, Christian, AJ, Ron Killings, Rhyno, and Samoa Joe. Of those 9 really JJ, Steiner, and Christian have been the only real constants. AMW was there to round out the multi man matches, as was AJ, Killings, and Rhyno. Samoa Joe did get a boost by being Sting's partner in his real HW division debut. But it seems like it was just part of the Joe/Steiner angle and had little to do with Sting. At least for now. Sure it was a rub for Sting to choose him out of everyone, but really, 1 match isn't quite enough. So we have Christian/Steiner/JJ. Now, I could be wrong but wasn't Sting here to "give back to the business" and to possibly "put over some TNA talent"?? seems like he's putting over a lot of old WCW/WWF talent instead. Hell, so far the only other guys who have even gotten any kind of exposure to Sting that have been exclusively TNA has been Monty Brown, Alex Shelley, and Eric Young. Well Monty and Young both jobbed and Shelley didn't really take off till papa Nash came along. So again, where is the "rub"?
Don't get me wrong, Sting's involvement has definitely been a boon to TNA, in name and in the ring. The man still has some legs, although not the same painted surfer he was in the old WCW. The real problem is that while Sting has done his part, the booking team hasn't done there. So with 4 months left on his contract what should Sting be doing with his time? Hair plugs you say? That's just mean. Mean I tells ya. Well since Christian has gone all heel again and it looks like Sting and him will look horn it looks like my dream of a "Holy Trinity" match may have a chance. Yep, the "Ultimate Lower Case T" match between Sting, AJ Styles, and Christian. YES!! The Ultimate Christian match. The only thing that could top that match would be DDP returning to give each man a "Hebrew Cutter" on his way out of the door. And I know this is off on a tangent and all but does anyone find it kind of ironic that Raven is supposedly Jewish but has been involved in 2 crucifixion angles already in his career? No? It's just me then? Fine. Be that way.
Well let's face it. at some point Sting will probably be taking the belt off of JJ. That way Christian can take the title off of Sting and HOPEFULLY replace JJ as the #1 heel. Well that's just logic speaking. Now would this take all 4 months? Possibly. Sting losing to Christian in a retirement match and going out to pasture is certainly possible. But you know, it seems like Sting and Joe have some issues that are kind of unsettled as well. So there you go, really you have 2 possible guys who could be the ones to ‘retire Sting'…again. Again, again. I guess this all depends on how TNA wants to go with this. right now it seems like Christian retiring Sting is the way to go and Joe taking the title from JJ would be a good bet. Then again, this is also the company that gave us Rhyno's one month title reign, JJ's 86th title reign, and Sean Waltman's….um…. employment. The hell was up with that??
We got 4 PPV's left people. Now I don't want to take any kind of steam away from the newly retooled and revamped "Fink's Payload", I'm sure the last thing Clarke and Sforcina need is gimmick infringement, but I'm going to have to do just a little fantasy booking here. Lets say that perhaps Christian vs Sting is held off. Let's go with Christian vs…I dunno…Rhyno? Let's also go with Sting vs JJ for the title. Now let's say Sting takes the title off JJ after Christian's interference backfires. So we get Sting vs JJ at Bound for Glory as the rematch. Let's go with some Shenanigans, which btw, would be an AWESOME name for a PPV. Hmmm? Think about it RoH. Well JJ would lose and Christian would be the #1 contender after beating Rhyno, or Abyss, or Monty, or Steiner, or Cassidy Riley…what the heck. Well now we end up with Sting vs Christian at ‘Genesis' and Christian loses. Now having one last chance, Christian challenges Sting to a ‘retirement match'. Or a "Loser Leaves Town". Or even a "Christian Leaves Town Match" what have you. Then of course…Sting loses. Leaves, Christian is the new top heel and Sting, with a knowing ‘wink and a nod' has secretly achieved his goal. JJ is no longer the King of the Mountain and probably now a skid mark on Samoa Joe's trunks. Sounds charming doesn't it? Holy crap…I forgot to include a possibly merchandising idea last week. A hot steaming cup of double caffeinated Samoa Joe. Brewed from the finest Samoan beans in the land. No? well it was either that or Samoa Joe's Cleansing Face Wash. "Joe is gonna exfoliate you!!"
The other option we have here is Christian causing Sting to lose his match with JJ and having Christian and Sting meet in various matches till he finally retires him. Meanwhile JJ would have his hands full with Samoa Joe. I mean…he'd be busy feuding with Joe. Not literally have hands full of…nevermind. Well maybe he would, you know I'm not totally convinced of JJ's …"preference", orange t-shirts and white pants indeed. My choice would be a whole hodgepodge of happenings until "Turning Point" at the last PPV of the year where Joe/Christian/Sting/JJ meet in a 4 way match and Sting takes out JJ and Christian so that Joe can pin JJ and take the title from him. That way Sting can retire having accomplished his goal, JJ and Christian will battle it out for supreme heelitude. And Joe becomes the homegrown talent that Sting truly passed the torch to. A post match handshake between the two men would cement Joe as the top face now. Sounds pretty easy doesn't it? Too bad that is all too easy. Knowing TNA this'll end up with JJ retiring Sting and me wanting to switch to a new hobby. Or just waiting impatiently till "American Idol" is back on. Sad either way. I guess it's pretty clear though that by the end of the year only 4 men could end up holding the title. Christian, a Christian, the devil with the white pants on, and the Samoan Ho-Dozer. Yeah, I'm copyrighting that gimmick right now. The World's Largest Lover/Island Savage…oh yeah, baby get on board now, this shit is GOLD!!
The Truth
Abyss, Monty Brown, Samoa Joe, Bobby Roode. All those guys could have used a Sting sized rub. But alas it looks like only true world title contenders will get that kind of attention. Leaving us Christian and Joe. Abyss will one day hold the title, I truly believe that, but just not yet. Monty Brown is probably going to be a mid-carder for as long as he's in TNA. And let's make this clear, even if he DOES go to the "e", he's a mid-carder at best, even on Smackdown. Bobby Roode, while he has single HOTTEST free agent white man's jheri curl in the business today, it seems like his full on push will take longer than the 4 months Sting might have left. I'll admit that Sting spent way too much time dicking around with JJ, and that greatly disappointed me. However, 4 months is a lot of time and if they're going to really put someone over, they have to start soon. As in this coming PPV soon. I guess it's just a matter of time before we find out whether Sting puts over the IWC demi-God known as Samoa Joe or the former IWC demi-God known as Christian.
Coming Up Short
To be honest I'm kind of wondering where this whole Diva thing is going. I can't imagine any of the girls left are going to amount to much of anything. Then again, Candice Michelle was a loser and is still around, as is Maria. Ashley is doing…something. Michelle McCool is doing the Stacy gimmick. I dunno, to be honest, maybe its time to let the Diva search go the way of "Tough Enough". In fact women's wrestling in the "e" is just …sad. Spending a quarter of a mil on useless T and A hardly seems like the answer. But you know? What do I know? I'm not a multi-billionaire like Vince is, so clearly he knows better. Right? Maybe its just me, but after what seems like 48 weeks of this stupid contest my patience with useless future Divas just seems to be coming up short.
6 Degrees of…
Chen Arbel goes all international on 6DO.
Hey Bayani,
Completely forgot about this, so I hope I'm not too late. Sorries and all. My pick for a link would be a man who rivals Christopher Walken in innate coolness... Black Charisma, Masahiro Chono.
You know the funny thing is that it looks like Chono is a fellow Seattle-ite. Wiki says that he was actually born in Seattle, Washington and then moved to Japan. Wowsers. And why would wiki lie? Why? So with that in mind, I'm going with another famous foreign athlete who recently made his first trip to the Emerald city recently. Now while Chono spent most of his career kickin' ass, this man spent most of his career tappin' it…
Beck. The man, the myth, the guy who is bangin' the hottest Spice Girl there ever was. And how many men can truly say that? Well how many women? If the answer is at least 1…that's just fuckin' hot. Seriously. Hot. Oh yeah, get it to people.
This is possibly my favourite Wikipedia article. Hopefully you kind find some use for it!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_British_words_not_widely_used_in_the_United_States
And there's not a sod's chance in hell of me doing a 6 degrees that involves Kwee Wee.
Enjoy your holiday!
-Luke Southworth
Cheers Luke, one day I'll have to get off my arse and writer up a smashing column dedicated to the real English language. With my luck I'll probably go balls up the whole thing, but I think it would be a real clanger to pass it up, especially for my British peeps. Oh Bullocks. Maybe I'll just get rat-arsed and wing it.
"6 Degrees of….", Results.
Honorable Mention
Either one of the lost members Wu Tang Clan is a TBT reader or I have a following amongst male porn actors, you know…or both:
Alan funk was once managed by The quintessential studmuffin Joel Gertner (according to wikipedia)
Joel Gertner was injured by total elimination the eliminators at Barely Legal 97, one of them being John Kronus
John Kronus later went on to team up as "The Gangsternators" with the Original Gangsta New Jack
Archive footage of New Jack on the Forever Hardcore DVD shows him wearing a Bootsy Collins T- shirt
Bootsy Collins at one time played bass for Parliament with George Clinton
New Jack and Dolemite - The two greatest wrestling managers that never were.
Think about it.
Jza.
Understand this…Dolemite vs Slick for the right to manage Ahmed Johnson could have been one of the greatest Black manager vs Black manager matches in the HISTORY of sports entertainment. I will stake my IWC license on it. New Jack on the other hand would not have been the best choice as the chances of him cuttin' a promo that would consist of less than 75% beeping would have been low, and the chances of him ghetto forkin' his clients…quite high.
#3
Greg Pryor goes buck wild on his entries. But he also comes up with one hell of an idea for ‘6DO'.
From across the pond comes a tidal wave of entries and I'm quite proud of this one since I had no clue who either guy was when I started!
I have thought of another good 6 Degrees to store in the old memory bank though...link late Beatle George Harrison...who penned the song Taxman...to everyones favourite wrestling Taxman IRS (Mike Rotunda) its so stupid it just might work!
Anyway here come the avalanche of entries method all answers researched profusely!
1)George Clinton composed a song for the movie howard the duck
2)Howard the Duck starred Tim Robbins
3)Tim Robbins directed the movie Dead Man Walking
4)Dead Man Walking was a moniker given to the Undertaker
5)Undertaker along with Kane defeated the Natural Born Thrillers for the WCW tag belts during the invasion.
6)Both Thrillers Palumbo and O haire were graduates of the WCW power plant and trained by Paul Orndorff as was Allan Funk
1)George Clinton shares a surname with a former president Bill Clinton
2)Bill Clinton was rumoured to have an affair with Gennifer Flowers
3)At Wrestlemania 14 Gennifer interviewed then IC champion the Rock
4)The Rock was a tag team champion with Mick Foley
5)Mick Foley was trained by Dominic Denucci along with Shane Douglas
6) Shane Douglas has been managed by James Mitchell as has Angry Allan Funk
1) George Clinton composed a song for the movie Friday night Lights
2) Friday Night Lights was directed by Peter Berg
3) Peter Berg also directed the Rundown starring The Rock
4) The one wrestler that the Rock has publicly stated he will not work with is Shawn Michaels.
5) Shawn Michaels (along with Jannetty) were fired from their first stint in
the WWF because of an incident in a bar with Jesse Barr
6) Jesse Barr was wrestling at the time using the surname Funk (Jimmy Jack) as does Allan Funk now!
1)Allan Funk used to be managed by Paisley (Sharmell, Bookers Wife)
2)Sharmell won the Miss Black America Pagent in 1991
3)Her victory was overshadowed by Desiree Washingtons rape by Mike Tyson
4)Mike Tyson was married to Robin Givens who was in the film Boomerang with
Eddie Murphy.
5)Eddie Murphy provided the voice of Donkey in Shrek while Shrek was provided by Mike Myers
6)Mike Myers played Austin Powers and the first movie was scored by a white guy called George Clinton who has the same name as your guy!
Wow, that was quite a flood, I even had to cuff my pants. I will say one thing however for your dedication to reach that peak again…I hope when you do reach that pinnacle once again Greg…you remember to send in your picks.
#2.
Mark Satrang gets a little closer to the top spot.
B-
1) George Clinton provides a voice-over for GTA: San Andreas, as does The Man himself, Samuel L. Jackson...
2) Everyone and their dog is anxiously awaiting Sam Jackson's epic "Snakes on a Plane" to smash box office records. The last Internet favorite to have a snake on a plane was Jake Roberts...
3) Roberts participated in the 1997 Royal Rumble match with many luminaries such as The Sultan (who would later "Turn it Up" and dance funky), Flash Funk and the man known as Goldust...
3) Goldust is the son of a son of a plumber, the man who likes to "get funky like a monkey," Dusty Rhodes...
5) The Rhodeses teamed with The Nasty Boys (whose armpits smelled funky) against Terry Funk, Arn Anderson, Bunkhouse Buck and Meng in the 1994 WarGames...
6) Meng and "Kwee Wee" Alan Funk were a tag team in late 1999 WCW...
"I am tired of these mutha fuckin' Jakes….on this mutha fuckin' planes!!". Man at least Jake would have it easy this time around with the new security measures, I mean, crack isn't a liquid right? Wait a second…Meng and Kwee Wee….then Rico with Rosey and Jamal. Does this mean that every Samoan gets paired up with a gay side kick? Oh shit…I kinda wondered why Armando nicknamed him the Samoan ‘Bulldozer"…Whoo Whoo!!!
#1.
Chris Wingert
Hi,
1) Kee Wee (aka Alan Funk) was an effeminate wrestler. Prince is an effeminate man of funk.
2) Prince appeared on The Aresino Hall Show, which one of Arsenio's catchphrases was "play that booger-nose funk!"
3) Arsenio is a good friend of Eddie Murphy
4) Eddie Murphy played James Brown, one of the funkiest men on this planet, on Saturday Night Live.
5) James Brown served some time behind bars, just like Snoop Dogg.
6) Snoop Dogg sampled George Clinton's "Atomic Dog" on his first big hit.
Chris, that is a whole lot of funk. I haven't seen that much funk packed into one place since…I'mma say any Indy show I've ever been at. Seriously guys…shower. Please. Pretty please? Okay, well C-Dub hit me up with your pick for ‘6 degrees' and put some ‘stank' on it.
Left Overs…
In a dark match, Gregory Helms beat Cowboy Troy…er…Jimmy Yang. Well I guess confederate cowboy gimmick isn't the worst thing he could do. I mean, they could go with a hardcore stereotypical Korean gimmick for him, I could just imagine it now.
JR: Helms throws Yang over the top rope but…he's holding on and now he's skinny the cat.
Lawler: I bet this is the first time Yang has ever skinned a cat without getting ready to eat it afterwards.
On Smackdown M.V.P. is now the Terrell Owens of the brand. Man, I can't wait till he starts tag teaming with Ken Kennedy and calls him a queer.
Not even the FBI can stop Test/Knox. Clearly there is only one team that can stop these monsters…Homeland Security.
You want a belt in RoH? Better ask Danielson for a shot. My guess is he's going to be dropping the World Title soon. Then again who knows? But if I was the SHIMMER women's champ…I'd hide my fuckin' belt. I'm just sayin'.
WSX on myspace?? Man, I can't wait for Sean Waltman's and Vampiro's first blog entries. I wonder if WSX is going to have ‘Crystal Meth' on their ‘Top 8'??
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
I usually prefer my women carrying a 6 pack instead of sporting one but in this case…
Rumors have it that in case Kevin Nash's neck is beyond repair he will be looking for Scott Hall for a transplant. Cuz' clearly, Scott Hall is never very far from a few Long Necks.
Shannon Moore "Questions Authority", but considering how much make up, rhinestones and pink pleather he's been sporting he should change that catch phrase to "Question Sexual Orientation".
Over in RoH land it looks like the Briscoe Brothers want revenge on the Crist Brothers (Irish Airborne) for taking them out of the Tag Team Scramble match last week. Damn, this is just what the white man wants people…brothers fighting brothers.
I'm kind of confused with this whole Rene Dupree gimmick in ECW. How extreme are metrosexuals bordering on uber gay. Unless posing for gay looking like you're getting ready to shoot the cover of a gay romance novel is EXTREME!! Or at least extremely lucrative…I mean…one would assume. Move along…nothing to see here.
So I've been told I ain't givin' my Pinay sisters enough love on the whole "Hot Asian Bitches" tip…so HERE!!
You happy now?? I know I am.
Paul Heyman is excited for ECW's first show in Madison Square Garden, Heyman said that ever since ECW began in the early 90's that it was his dream to one day bring such loyal ECW guys such as Big Show, Kurt Angle, Mike Knox, and Test to MSG…well, he would have lived his dream. *Single tear drop*
Pimpin' In High Places
I feel like a dickhead this week. No time to really link anyone this week, no time to hardly do anything this week so here are some of the columns you should check out this week that I usually read on the weekly. They sit at their tiny little computers each week and most of them put out a tremendous amount of material so that YOU the reader have something to print out and reader on the shitter at work. Oh…it's just me then?:
Your News My Views, The Triple Threat, High Road Load Road, Column of Honor, Hidden Highlights, Evo Scheme, Forgotten Goodness, Meethinks, Top 10, Fact Or Fiction, News From Cook's Corner, The Shimmy…etc…etc….etc.
Things are going crazy up in this piece….TBT is in for some bumpy times ahead. In the next few weeks I'll be losing my job. But starting a new one. Losing my internet and laptop access. But hopefully finding the funds for a new one. And who knows, maybe I'll even figure out a way to squeeze out a column or two. Out of where? Who knows.
