The Top Ten 8.22.06: Chairshots

Posted by Julian Williams on 08.22.2006

The chairshots that made you squirm and then made you smile in perverted pleasure. You sick bastards!!

Greetings friends, Romans and countrymen and welcome to another Shakespearean edition of The Top Ten. This week we're going to get a little hardcore and look at The Top Ten Chairshots of all time. I apologize for the short columns lately guys, but I've been in the process of looking for a new place(which I finally got) so for the next few weeks I'll be packing and moving in by the end of the month. So just bare with me for the next few weeks and it'll be back to my usual format with insanely long columns filled with unspeakable profanity, un-Christian sexual references and potty humor. Let's look at a few of your thoughts on last week's column.

Reader Feedback

First up we have Joe who wants to defend Hogan. Shouldn't be a long line there, buddy:

I have to quickly comment on the Hogan - Michaels 2005 match.

Hogan sold his @ss off in that match, which really made the last 5-7 minutes so good. He sold his leg like it was destroyed. Michaels did a great job in this match, but Hogan did his part too, and his selling was awesome and very believable.

I also don't believe that Michaels should have won the match. To me this match was a reminder of who is the biggest star of all time. Sure they let Michaels get in all those personal digs at Hogan along the way, but in the end I doubt Vince McMahon would ever have Hulk Hogan lose a match like this one. Together they made wrestling, and neither has forgotten that. In my opinion Vince would be loyal to Hogan, especially with the potentially HUGE money making Austin vs. Hogan match.

Keep up the good work,
Joe

Joe makes a valid point here because Hogan did work his ass off in the match and bled like a madman. I don't agree with him about Hogan winning the match, but I understand his point. I actually do like Hogan, but I hate the fact that he wins practically EVERY FUCKING MATCH he's in lately despite the fact that he's in his late 50's. If Flair, the greatest pure wrestler of all time, can job cleanly to people and not lose his popularity, I don't see why Hogan can't.

Next up is Conor who provides his list:

Hey there!!I like your list of Summerslam Matches and i must say it is
very
hard to pick a top ten for a PPV like Summerslam.There was a few
misdsing i
was quite surprised about but i ll give you my top 10 and lets us know
what
you think!!Cheers!

10.Test vs Shane McMahon Street Fight SS 1999
A little overbooked i know but this is a fun match and was miles better
than
any of us expected at the time.Also Test best match in his career

9.Chris Benoit vs Chris Jericho 2 out of 3 falls SS 2000
This is properly the most underrated high profile match between these
two.Awesome wrestling action for non-stop for about 15 mins and just a
truly
great underrated gem from these two

8.Jeff Hardy vs RVD Ladder Match SS 2001
I dont why but i think this match is awesome.RVD back then was just a
pleasure to watch for me cause I didnt see much of him in ECW and this
match
just miles better than there Harecore match the PPV before.

7.Bret Hart vs MR.Perfect IC Title SS 1991
I didnt like this match as much as there KOTR 93 match but its still
great.Though i was going for Perfect when this 1st happen(I had no idea
about his injury) im still amazed about how Perfect pull off a classic
with
his back sore!

6.Mankind vs Undertaker Boiler Room Brawl SS 1996
I think this match is a wild crazy brawl!!Its a bit slow at times but
is
truly unqiue and is perfect for these feud i think.Also at the time I
was
shocked at the Paul Bearer turn.Just Crazy stuff from both guys!!

5.Bret Hart vs British Bulldog IC Title SS 1992
No doubt this match is a classic and i still enjoy watching it but for
some
reason the whole match doesnt get me as exitied as others.But i will
say the
promo from Bret before this match is properly his best before turning
heel
in 97

4.Undertaker vs Bret Hart WWF Title SS 1997
Speaking of which...I love this match so much.I watch it the other
night and
was amazed about how much i got into it!With Shawn as the ref and the
crowd
heat during the entire match is just awesome!!This match is a must see
for
anyone!

3.Edge &Christian vs The Hardys vs The Dudleys TLC SS 2000
Oh my!!The best from the whole series from these boys cause it was the
origanal and was miles better than Wrestlemania 2000.Some sicks spots
that
you speak of itself makes this match a classic and in my mind the new
level
stick from Wrestlemania 10.

2.Bret Hart vs Owen Hart Steel Cage SS 1994
When you thought Wrestlemania 10 was something they produce this
classic.The
whole storyline threwout and after the match and the crowd heat makes
this
one of the best matches ever made!

1.Bret Hart vs Jerry Lawler SS 1993
Im sorry this is a lttile to high but i cant help myself.This is one of
my
personal favourites of all time.The storyline even beofe the match was
awesome.With Jerry Lawlers fake injury and Bret's brothers getting
invovled
and Jerry's awesome heel promo before the match just gives me the
goosebumps
evertime i watch this.Any wrestling fan watch this encounter and
believe me
you ll love every single second of it!!!

Very good list here by Conor, I like the inclusion of the Bret/Lawler match because that match was fun as hell to watch, even though I wouldn't rank it higher than all the other great matches on this list. Conor is one of the very few people who agreed with my inclusion of the Jericho/Benoit match from 2000. For some reason you people didn't like that match. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?! Just kidding guys, you know I love you like a $2 hooker that swallows for free.

Dan from BK shouts out two standout matches from the '98 version of Summerslam:

I absolutely love Summerslam 1998. Two matches that stand out for me were Shamrock/Owen Hart in the Lion's Den just because of the stiffness and brutality of it coupled with the coolness of the gimmick. Also, Rock/HHH Ladder match which not only was about 4 stars but was THE match where they announced to the world they were ready to main event.

Almost every second email I got mentioned the ladder match between HHH and The Rock and I admit that it was a definite oversight by me not to include it. In the echelon of ladder matches, I don't think it's one of the best, but it was definitely the match that turned The Rock and HHH into main event players. I must admit that the People's Elbow on the ladder was SWANK. If I could hit the People's Elbow on someone at least once in my life, I would die a happy man. And that makes me very sad.

And finally, Martin slips in a late entry:

Hopefully you can still slip these comments into you column for tomorrow. I had to chime in with 2 my favorite all-time matches that just happen to take place at summerslam. Match 1, Demolition vs. The Hart Foundation 2 out of 3 falls for the tag team straps. All thought the match should have gone longer then 15 minutes it was still outstanding. I was torn was a youngster watching this match because I was a big fan of both teams but I kinda go caught up in the hart foundation over the 3 on 2 odds. Match 2, The Rock vs. Triple H in the ladder match at summerslam 1998. I've been a Rock fan since he returned to join the nation as the cocky, jewelry flaunting, gucci shirt wearing brahma bull and I couldn't help but smile as the MSG faithful came to their feet chanting the Rocks name following the people's elbow on the ladder. Lots of punishment, lots of drama, losts of entertainment. Just a great match overall. Keep up the good work. Oh yeah before I forget you HAVE TO put The Rock blasting Shamrock in the face as one of your top 10 chairshots. What the hell was Ken thinking? Kneeling down and asking someone to hit you in the face with an unprotected chairshot. Ridiculous just plain ridiculous. Be easy.

Martin mentions two classic matched here. I already mentioned the HHH/Rocky one, but the Hart Foundation/Demolition one was truly an early Summerslam classic. It barely missed out on my list because I preferred the other matches just a little bit better, but that doesn't take away the fact that this match was pure awesome. I miss the obscenely expensive shirts that The Rock used to wear. "The Rock's shirt costs more than your life Michael Cole!!" Ahh, good times.

That's all for the feedback this week guys. Keep sending in those lists and thoughts because this whole column is about you guys. I'm just the dude who types it up for free. Well it's not really for free, Csonka gives us all free hooch and donuts. Donuts + Jack Daniels = Nirvana.

The Top Ten Chairshots

Chairshots used to be a rarely used commodity back in the olden days of wrestling, but now it is frequently used in practically every wrestling organization and it is now rare to see a wrestling show where there isn't at least one chairshot. Let's take a look back at some of the most vile and sick chairshots ever seen by man.

Honorable Mention: HHH to Batista and then Batista returns the favor (Vengeance '05)
This was during the brutal Hell In A Cell match between The Game and The Animal when HHH pulled out a chair wrapped in barbed wire and proceeded to start pounding it on Batista's back. This wound up pissing off the big men and soon he gained control of the chair and decided to smack it, barbed wire and all, right in HHH's face. I didn't think it could get more sick than Trips smacking the chair on Batista's back, but I was obviously wrong as a barbed wire wrapped chair straight to the face takes brutality to a new level.

Honorable Mention: Savio Vega gives Cactus a chairshot….Ghetto Style! (No Way Out of Texas '98)
A Savio Vega mention! Yes, bonus points for me! This was during an eight men unsanctioned brawl that featured Cactus Jack, Chainsaw Charlie, Owen Hart and Stone Cold vs. Triple H, Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, and Savio Vega. There were no rules in this match and anything was allowed and Savio took full advantage of that stipulation. He decided to wrap Cactus' head with barbed wire and then proceeded to give him a stiff chairshot while the barbed wire was still wrapped around his head. It looked as sick as it sounds boys and girls.

Honorable Mention: Chavo shows Rey how a REAL Guerrero swings a chair (Great American Bash '06)
This was just a few weeks ago, but man oh man was that a brutal chairshot. Rey took that chairshot full on and it sounded like a damn gun went off when the steel connected with his head. I thought that was a great way to start their feud because you have to REALLY hate a man to hit him that hard with a chair.

Honorable Mention: Undertaker gets revenge on Maven…..Then eats some popcorn (Royal Rumble '02)
This was after Maven eliminated Taker from the Royal Rumble match, which is the biggest surprise EVER in the history of the Rumble. This of course pissed off the Deadman and he proceeded to beat Maven down and then give him one of the most vile chairshots I've ever seen. It sounded like a damn cannon went off. Absolutely sick shit.

Honorable Mention: Rick Rude makes an impact on Mankind's head (RAW, 8/11/97)
This was during a match between Mankind and Shawn Michaels and before the match, HBK stated that he had an insurance policy that was going to watch his back during the match. That insurance policy came in the form of Rick Rude and he automatically made his presence felt when he tattooed Mankind's skull with a steel chair as he was hanging between the ropes. It was a chairshot that echoed throughout the arena and you just knew from the sound of it that it had to hurt like hell.

Honorable Mention: The Power of Christ compels HBK to KILL Vince (Wrestlemania 22)
Vince has taken some absolutely insane shots to the head, but I don't think any of them was worse than the one HBK gave him during their memorable No Holds Barred match at this year's Wrestlemania. Vince benefited early in the match with assistance from Shane and the Spirit Squad, but once Shawn took over the match, it was all downhill for Vince. Shawn got a chair while Vince was still woozy and PLASTERED him with a vicious chairshot. The sound of the chair smashing into Vince's head is still ringing in my ears.

10) Stone Cold gives Dude a taste of his own medicine (RAW, 5/18/98)
Vince McMahon had made a match between Austin and The Undertaker as a way to try to punish Austin, but things sure did backfire on him once Taker decided he wasn't going to be Vince's stooge and attacked him. Vince's real stooges (Patterson & Brisco) and Kane warded off The Undertaker while Stone Cold came out to whip on Vince's ass. Dude Love came out to try to save the day with a steel chair, but Austin proceeded to smack Dude's chair right back in his face with a steel chair of his own. It looked and sounded absolutely brutal and Mick sold it like he was absolutely dead.

9) HBK feels that one chairshot isn't enough…..Undertaker might disagree (RAW, 8/17/97)
This was during a tag match between Mankind & Undertaker vs. HBK and HHH(which was actually their first time tagging together). The future DX dominated the first part of the match until Undertaker took over and it seemed like the end was near until Shawn Michaels came in the ring and cranked a hard chairshot right on Taker's head. The shot was so hard that it bent the chair completely. That would have been sick enough, but then HBK proceeded to hit Taker AGAIN with a hard, stiff chairshot. Taker was busted wide open after those two devastating shots and it was a wonder that he could even stand after it.

8) HHH celebrates the new DX by murdering Cactus Jack (RAW, 3/30/98)
This was after Wrestlemania XIV when HHH promised to usher in a new era of DX and he certainly did that by interfering in the steel cage match between The New Age Outlaws and Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie. It seemed as though Jack and Charlie were going to escape out of the cage when HHH and the returning X-Pac kept both men inside the ring and then proceeded to have a 4 on 2 beatdown along with the Outlaws. HHH put an exclamation point on the beatdown by wrapping a chair around Cactus' head and I literally mean WRAPPING. The chair was completely around the neck of Cactus after the shot, that's how powerful it was. Absolute craziness.

7) HBK makes a fatal mistake with a missed chairshot (Summerslam '97)
Shawn Michaels was assigned as the special ref in a match between Bret Hart and The Undertaker for the WWE title when Bret Hart started to get in his face and wound up spitting on him. Needless to say, HBK didn't take this kindly and tried to take off Bret's head with a chairshot. Bret ducked and HBK wound up accidentally hitting The Undertaker and cost The Deadman his WWE title. The chairshot was absolutely ferocious and sounded like something that would put a man on his back for a 99 count, yet alone a 3.

6) Taker gets his revenge in Hell…..In A Cell (Badd Blood '97)
Damn, HBK and Taker sure did love hitting each other with steel chairs. This one occurred in the classic Hell In A Cell match and Shawn had already taken an amazing amount of punishment from Taker. Near the end of the match, Taker decided to get some vindication for the vicious chairshot he received from HBK at Summerslam and plastered HBK with a cringe-inducing chairshot. It sounded like HBK's head had been hit clean off, it was just nasty.

5) Hello Mr. Benoit, I believe Mr. Jericho has a chair waiting for you (Royal Rumble '01)
This was during the blockbuster ladder match between these two and Benoit decided to absolutely lose his mind when he took this shot. Benoit tried a suicide dive to Jericho who was on the outside of the ring and Jericho responded by blasting Benoit with a steel chair while Benoit was still flying in the air. This was an absolute sick shot that Benoit took as he had the force of diving through the ropes behind him and was met full on with a stiff chairshot. If you need further proof that Benoit is God, look no further than here.

4) JBL unloads on Eddie (Judgment Day '04)
This was the infamous chairshot that produced an insane amount of blood flowing out of the head of Eddie Guerrero. JBL was trying to get away from Eddie who was beating him down when he grabbed a chair that was near him and completely unloaded a vile shot on Eddie's head. The chairshot was sick enough and worthy of a mention, but the amount of blood it produced out of Eddie's head made it even harder to watch. Simply brutal.

3) The Chairshot heard ‘round the World (ECW Heatwave, 7/15/95)
This was during the cage match between Luna Vachon and Stevie Richards when Raven came down to interfere for Stevie. This brought Raven nemesis, Tommy Dreamer, out and Dreamer proceeded to beat down Raven and handcuff him to the steel cage. He then took an absolutely vile swing at Raven's head which echoed throughout the entire building. That shot would come to be known as the "Chairshot Heard ‘Round The World" and with a shot that brutal, the name is very fitting.

2) The Rock hits a homerun on Ken Shamrock's face (RAW, 3/17/98)
This was during a match between D-Lo Brown and Ken Shamrock when The Rock came in to interfere on D-Lo's behalf by hitting Shamrock in the back with a steel chair. This caused Shamrock to turn around and dare Rocky to hit him again with the chair and Rock answered the dare by taking a vicious swing right at Shamrock's head. The sound the chair made as it smacked into Shamrock's skull was deafening. Shamrock slumped to the mat in a lifeless heap and I seriously thought Shamrock had to be knocked completely unconscious. This shot was absolutely vicious, anybody who has ever seen it can attest to that.

1) The Rock hits Mick over and over again…..and again…..and again…..and again (Royal Rumble '99)
This was during the infamous "I Quit" match between Mankind and The Rock where The Rock decided to handcuff Mick's hands behind his back and start wailing on him with a steel chair. The amount of unprotected shots to the head that Mick took in this match is ungodly and how he was even functional after the match is amazing to me. Mick has taken an unbelievable amount of punishment in his career and I usually mark out for all the crazy shit he does, but even I was uncomfortable watching this. Absolutely sickening stuff.

Drive-By Pimpin'

Check out all these great columns by my 411 brethren:

-Andy Clark's "Shimmy"
-Ari's "Column Of Honor"
-Sean, Alex and David's "Triple Threat"
-Bayani's "Truth B Told"
-Weyer's "Shining The Spotlight"
-Byers' "Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People"
-Larry and Geoff's "3R's"
-Fact Or Fiction
-O'Dog's "Forgotten Goodness"
-Sat and Rajah's "High Road/Low Road"
-Phill Feltham's "Quick Talkdown"
-Sarnecky's "Piledriver Report"
-Slimmer's News Report
-Hidden Highlights and The Great Positivity Debate!!
-Carapola's "That Was Then" and "The Week in Hardcore"
-The Fink's Payload
-The World According To Ron
-Clarke's "Ask 411"
-Meehan's "Meethinks"
-Sforcina's "Evolution Schematic"
-Prag's "In Defense Of…."
-Wrestlers of the Week
-Sullivan's "Crystal Ball"
-Randle's "Wrestling News Experience"
-Double M's Rasslin Report
-News To Start Your Weekend
-Dunn's Rawtopsy, ECW Breakdown, Smackdown Breakdown and TNA Breakdown
-Cook's "News From Cook's Corner"
-Summerslam Roundtable
-Mike LaFave's "Getting Over"

The Sign-Off

That's all for this week guys but join me next week when the hardcore lovefest continues with The Top Ten Table Spots of all time. I wonder if The Dudley Boyz will be on that list? Oops, forgive me WWE legal. I mean "Team 3D".