MeeThinks 8.22.06: Going Old School [Part I of IV]
Posted by John Meehan on 08.22.2006
Gonna’ get back to basics…
"Gonna' get back to basics
Guess I'll start it up again."
– The Counting Crows, "Recovering the Satellites"
Welcome back to your weekly dose of Internet Wrestling Community optimism, all! With SummerSlam behind us, TNA still sorting out their top-level face/heel dynamic and WWE still a few weeks away from beginning their inevitable six-month-build towards WrestleMania 23, MeeThinks is breaking from our usual "debate the hot issue" format to serve up something extra special and very near and dear to my heart.
The way I see it is this…
Since all is pretty much quiet on Western Wrestling Front save a few minor quibbles over the Jeff Hardy return and/or the Christian Cage allegiance change (gee, didn't see THAT one coming!), I figured our time would be better spent enjoying some good old-fashioned fun wrestling fandom in lieu of haggling over the minutiae of what might otherwise appear to be a pretty slow news month in our modern world of wrestling. As such, I've decided to begin a quest to rediscover the roots of one man's wrestling obsession (hint: mine!) that's sure to garner a cheap nostalgia pop from even the most jaded of fanboys if everything goes according to schedule.
Yup, that's right.
This week, MeeThinks busts open the wrestling fandom archives for the first installment of (what is shaping up to be) a four-week feature chronicling the highs, lows, collectibles, action figures, backyard memories and road stories of what made Mee such a fan of this pseudo sport of kings in the first place. The way I see it, if I can delve back to the birth of my fandom by way of a reverse-chronological exploration of the story's subsequent chapters, I'm pretty confident that I might well be able to "find my smile" (much like Shawn Michaels once said) and better appreciate just how long (and how *strong!*) I've been a fan of the wild, whacky and wonderful world of professional wrestling.
Sound like a plan?
Rock & roll.
Last weekend…
I stopped back up to the Meehan household in sunny (and *rural*) New Jersey. While visiting with some old friends and the family, my folks brought it to my attention that I'd still left a few Tupperware containers of my crap from when I was a kid upstairs in the family attic. Not wanting to brave the 100+ degree archways and dig through these tubs for the better part of a weekend, I made a deal with the ‘rents to kindly allow Mee to remove one container per trip for the next few jaunts up their way (Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.) — adding that I'd simply sort through the lot of ‘em when I'd safely (and coolly) transported them back to my current digs in our nation's capital.
The folks agreed, and I left this weekend's visit with the fam with a big old tub of God-knows-what packed in the back of a buddy's SUV for the 4-hour-trek back to Washington, D.C. And this thing was BIG, too! Like, this big…
Anyhow…
When I finally got back to DC, I took a moment (well, quite a few actually…) to open this puppy up and see what I might find inside. Buried treasure? Dismembered body parts? My long-lost hermit crab, Elmer? The gears were spinning as I popped the top off of that box-o-memories and prepared for whatever the fickle finger of fate might have in store for this unsuspecting fortune-seeker.
And then it hit Mee.
Like a wave of olfactory bliss, I was all at once overcome by that familiar-yet-pungent odor of decade-old rubber and plastic playthings of years gone by. Yes folks, I'd in fact stumbled upon the motherload… for there in a 28-gallon tub before Mee lied twenty years (and countless dollars) worth of professional wrestling action figures. Scads of them, too… dating WAAAAAY the hell back to the 12" days of molded rubber and spanning up and through the golden years of wrestling's mid-nineties action figure renaissance. From foot-tall Andres to six inch Beefcakes, from power-punching action through ringside catapults… I was sitting on a goldmine of memories, e-bay-bound knick-knacks and stinky rubber.
But more on that stuff in the weeks to come...
For on top of all of those piles of PVC, plastic and rubber wrestlers of generations long past, I couldn't help but find my eyes drawn to one particular item that seemed glaringly out of place amidst such a motley array of blood, sweat and snot-covered action figures. What was this eye-catcher, you ask?
A three-and-a-half-inch floppy disk.
So this week:
MeeThinks is starting my journey through childhood off with a full column dedicated to the one and only document that was saved on that disk that the younger version of Mee thought was SO important that it was worth saving in a box full of wrestling action figures… a big old list of "insider" wrestling terms that pretty well marked the first time I made the jump into full-blown "smart" fan territory.
No idea *why* I wrote it, of course, or *what* I'd intended to use it for… but my best guess pegs the following document's composition somewhere around the early part of 1998 just as the Attitude Era was burning away and a sixteen-year-old wrestling fan from New Jersey was coming of age and learning the "smarter" side of professional wrestling. You remember 1998, right? ECW was still owned by Paul Heyman. WCW was still in business, the nWo hadn't yet exhausted its every last trick, and The Rock was CRAZY over as the number one most marketable mainstream success story that the wrestling business had ever created.
So…
What you'll be reading below was (from what I can tell, at least) my very first foray into writing for the "smart" wrestling fan (too bad this was before I'd discovered pro wrestling message boards) as I assembled a catalogue of wrestle-speak culled from years of Apter mags, wrestling hotlines and a keen attention to every last detail guys like Mick Foley and Steve Austin (well, his ghostwriter) ever put to biographical paper. It hasn't been tweaked, edited or changed in any way, shape or form since 1998 either… so what you're looking at is a pretty solid indicator of one (then-) sixteen-year-old fan's firsthand blow-by-blow of all the terms and insider lingo that made this sport such a blast to "smarten up" on throughout my high school tenure.
Plenty of dated and oversimplified stuff abounds, I'm sure… but think of it as a time capsule, of sorts — and try to think back to the first time *you* learned each of these terms and what names, places and faces *you* might have subbed in at the time to help describe their respective meanings to your fellow casual fans in those "glory days" of yesteryear.
Again, this is a bit of a break from the norm (so no glossary entries or reader mail this week), but I'm hoping that this disk-full of wrestle-speak really helps to kickstart MeeThinks four-week-foray into the origins (and history) of my wrestling fandom. This week we're doing the terms below, and for the next two weeks we'll be pouring through a crapload of action figures. Week four is a bit of a surprise… but I'll assure you that it will most definitely be worth the wait for those of y'all bold enough to stick around to check it out!
Thanks again in advance for joining Mee on this month-long trip down memory lane, and do enjoy this week's column as we work our way backwards through twenty-plus years of good times.
Dictionary of terms associated with Professional Wrestling Written circa 1998, by (a 16-year-old) John Meehan… "smart" fan in the making.
Angle- (n) - the role given to a wrestler to play, thus creating a character.
Glen Jacobs' angle as a crazed-dentist wasn't going over very well with the fans.
(the) Back- (n) - the locker room area.
Wrestler X issued an open challenge to anyone in the back.
Big 2 (Big 3)- (n) - The two (three) largest and national wrestling organizations in the United States.
The Big 2 consists of Vince McMahon's Connecticut-based World Wrestling Federation, (a.k.a. the WWF) and Ted Turner's Atlanta-based World Championship Wrestling (WCW).
The Big 3 includes both of the aforementioned companies, as well as Paul Heyman's Extreme Championship Wrestling, (ECW) which is based in Philadelphia and is not as large as the other two organizations.
Booker/ Booking Committee- (n) - one or a group who makes matches and determines the outcomes.
A commissioner often sits on a booking committee.
Bump- (v) - a sizeable hit and/or high impact blow.
Raven took a nasty bump when he crashed through the table.
Character- (n) - the persona a wrestler takes on, each character has his/her own angle. Terry Bolea played the most famous wrestling character ever, Hulk Hogan.
Cheap Pop- (n) - a pop obtained by means of flattering the audience and/or praising local heroes/sports teams etc.
Norman Smiley got a cheap pop in Madison Square Garden when he came out wearing the jersey of Yankee great Babe Ruth.
"Crash TV"- (adj)- the standard programming format of a wrestling show. Each segment is usually split into three sections.
a) A lead-in to the upcoming match
b) the match itself
c) and a trailer or tease for the segment that will follow the commercial.
A new style of programming known as Crash TV was implemented in the late 90's to keep viewers attention.
Face- (n) - the "good guy" in a wrestling match.
Hulk Hogan was a face for most of his career
Fall- (n) - a "round" in a wrestling match, most matches are scheduled for one fall. A fall ends with either a pinfall, submission, count-out, or disqualification.
In a rare change of events, wrestlers may engage in a best-of-three-falls match.
Finish- (n) - the end of a match. Also known as "taking it home."
Because the action was so fast paced, the drawn-out finish of the bout was somewhat disappointing.
Finisher- (n) - a wrestler's finishing maneuver, which, if executed correctly, almost assures victory for that wrestler.
The Ultimate Warrior hit his body-slam finisher and scored the easy pinfall victory soon after.
Gimmick- (n) - 1. A role or "shtick," similar to an angle
2. A specialty type of match.
Rikishi challenged Val Venis to the most famous of all gimmick matches, a steel-cage match.
Heat- (v) - 1. negative criticism.
After refusing to lose his match, Goldberg got heat from the booking committee.
2. A "boo" from the crowd
Heels look to draw negative heat from the fans.
Heel- (n) - the "bad guy" in a wrestling match.
Traditionally, wrestlers who cheat are most often those of heel status.
Indy - (n) - a wrestling organization outside of the big three. After a failed career in the WWF, Jake Roberts turned to the indy circuit.
Job- (v) - to lose to another wrestler, usually to increase the other wrestler's status. Bret Hart did the job for Shawn Michaels.
Jobber- (n) - 1. one who's sole purpose is to lose to other wrestlers.
2. a negative moniker attached to a wrestler who frequently loses.
That guy loses all of the time, he's such a jobber.
Kayfabe- (n) - the unspoken code of which states that no wrestler or employee of the company ever gives away the outcomes of matches or breaks character.
When Chaz Warrington gave his shoot promo, he broke kayfabe and had a hard time finding a job in the wrestling business after that.
Main-eventer - (n) - a wrestler who only wrestles in matches of main-event status.
Hulk Hogan is a main-eventer.
Mark- (n) - 1. one who believes, usually in a naïve sense, that certain aspects of wrestling are not predetermined and faked.
2. one who is fooled by the actions of any given wrestler.
Because my friend actually thought that Kane was "buried alive" in his graveyard match, we all knew he was a mark.
Mid-carder- (n) - A wrestler who consistently wrestles in the middle of a card.
Higher than a "jobber" but not as established as a "main-eventer," intermediate wrestlers are traditionally referred to as mid-carders.
No-sell- (v) - the action of a wrestler involving taking a blow from an opponent, but instantly recovering as if the first move never took place.
When Tazz applied his finishing maneuver, Kurt Angle pulled a no-sell and immediately retaliated.
Over- (adj) - the state of being popular with the fans.
The Rock is the most over man in professional wrestling today.
Pop- (v) - the crowd reaction to a wrestler, usually positive.
Randy Savage came out to a huge pop.
Program- (n) - a feud and/or series of matches established between two or more wrestlers, where their angles overlap for a series of weeks/months etc.
Triple H and The Rock worked a great program for the majority of the summer.
Prop- (n) - anything which fits in with a wrestler's character, which is carried to the ring by the wrestler or manager, and is usually used to win matches.
The Undertaker often hit opponents with his urnprop to win matches.
Run-In- (v) - a situation where the finish of the match is changed by the running in of (an)other wrestler(s).
- (n)- a wrestler who runs in, often referred to as a run-in-buddy.
Val Venis had his opponent right where he wanted him, but was defeated when his opponent's run-in-buddy came to ringside and distracted the referee.
Segment- (n) - any given part of the show between commercials.
The first segment featured an interview with the wrestler who fought in the second segment.
Shoot- (n) - 1. something not in the script
2. a real action played out for the fans, usually in an interview format. This action may involve totally breaking character.
Since the 1-2-3 Kid quit the WWF, his shoot interview following his last match made disparaging remarks at the company and it's bookers.
Shot- (v) - to be hit with something. Usually linked to a noun.
The chair-shot is among the most infamous of wrestling tactics.
Sloppy – (adj)- a wrestler who has trouble making moves look "real."
Sabu works mostly on the indy circuit because he tends to be sloppy.
Smart- (n) - one who covers the sport knowing full well that it is not real, and realizes that in-ring action is actually a result of many other outside forces. (i.e.- backstage politics affecting the matches outcome, falsified injuries to cover personal problems etc.) Many online sites give insider information, making them prime targets for smarts.
Spot- (n) - any given point in a match. Similar to an inning of baseball.
The chair-shot to the head was the high spot of the match.
Stiff- (adj) – 1) a solid blow that squarely hits its mark.
The crowd cheered in approval after Chris Benoit hit his opponent with a stiff chop to the chest.
2) a worker who does not sell moves well, does not consistently work a match effectively, or has trouble getting over with the fans.
Kevin Nash is so stiff that it is hard to find opponents who are willing to job for him.
Swerve- (v) - when a wrestler fools the audience or goes against what is expected. The Big Show pulled a huge swerve when he nailed his own partner with a chair, and secured the win for his long-time-nemesis.
Work- (n) - an action that is seemingly real, and can even fool the keenest smart, which turns out to be fake and/or planned all along.
The whole audience was stunned and thought the interview was an unplanned shoot, but it turned out to be a work after all.
And With That, I'm Outta' Here
I hope you've enjoyed all that stuff above, and I'd love to hear from y'all regarding any stories of your own that you might have in a similar vein from when *you* first made the jump into "smart" fan territory. Till next week, enjoy the dog days of summer and the first weeks of classes, and always stay positive!
