Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People 08.24.06: A Store in a Time Warp
Posted by Ryan Byers on 08.24.2006
Find out where you can get a lot of stuff from 2001 at a fraction of its original price.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People. We're back after a one week hiatus, and we're going to launch right in to this bad boy!
Cheap Wrestling Tip #46: Were It's Still 2001
I've mentioned this previously in the column, but, for some reason, it seems like the WWF over-produced its home videos in 2001. Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that the company's popularity tanked during that year but production levels were still as high as hey were during the boom period. Whatever the reason, the overproduction works in favor of wrestling fans, as these tapes and DVDs are still out there in outlets like eBay for a song. Recently, I popped in to a little store that I didn't expect to have any wrestling material . . . but I walked out being proven wrong. Big Lots, a national chain of stores that buys and resells overstocked merchandise from across the country, has apparently acquired many of these 2001 cassettes from the World Wrestling Federation, and plenty of them are available for under $5 at locations throughout the country. (Well, at least throughout the midwest. I'm not going coast to coast looking for this stuff.) I'd suggest you head down to your location quickly, as supplies appear to be going fast. Here's what I found, though . . .
Title: Unforgiven Released By: World Wrestling Federation Release Year: 2001 Run Time: 180 minutes Found At: Big Lots Price: $2.50
Heading in to September of 2001, the WWF vs. WCW/ECW invasion angle was still going strong, with Summerslam having occurred the previous month. Though the angle was already recieving incredibly high amounts of criticism for how it was being booked, the in-ring action was hot and heavy, with feuds raging between Booker T. and the Rock as well as Kurt Angle and Steve Austin. This show features new matches in each feuds, as well as an undercard filled up with more Alliance vs. WWF action. Oh yes, and it also just happens to include what one of the worst pay per view matches in wrestling history. Don't remember which one?
We're in lovely Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where "Broadway star" Jennifer Holiday treats us to a decent yet not horribly inspiring rendition of "America the Beautiful," because we're only a week or so removed from September 11, 2001. Further evidence of this is brought to us by the "USA Kicks Terrorist Ass" sign in the crowd. Out of curiosity, why is it the WWF never opens shows with the actual national anthem and opts for this song instead? I know it's a well-entrenched tradition by this point, but what the hell started it in the first place?
Match Numero Uno: The Hurricane & Lance Storm vs. The Big Show & Spike Dudley vs. The Hardy Boys (Matt & Jeff) vs. The Dudley Boys (Bubba Ray & D-Von) (c) for the WWF Tag Team Championship
The Dudleys are knocked off of the apron by Matt and Show before they can even get in to the ring. One of the shortest pier six brawls in the history of professional wrestling ensues before we wind up with Matt Hardy paired off against D-Von Dudley, which goes nowhere until D-Von tags out to his Alliance-mate Hurricane. As is typical of his early days with the character, Helms spends WAY too much time posing and not nearly enough time wrestling. Matt shows him, though, as the posing is promptly mocked and Jeff is tagged in for a double team back elbow. Jeffy attempts to run the ropes, but Bubba Dudley pulls him down by the hair, which results in a bit of a confrontation between those two. That culminates with the Hurricane scoring a schoolboy on Jeff for two. Jeff's quick to pop up and notice that Spike Dudley wants to get in to the ring, apparently gunning for the Hurricane after he stole away Sweet Molly Purebred (gotta love Heyman's pseudonyms for wrestlers). The Hurricane, however, defers to Lance Storm, who wears Spike down until it's safe for Gregory to return to the ring. As wrestling logic would dictate, the heels' strategy backfires and LSD goes on the offense until Lance gets a blind tag on the Hurricane, and the Alliance team pulls out the Three Count "Nightmare on Helms Street," which Helms has made every single one of his tag team partners do. Storm proceeds to hit his awesome dropkick before bringing in big Bubba Ray Dudley for the "brother" on "brother" violence we were all looking for in this match.
Bubba generally acts like a dick and mauls Spike with old favorites like stepping directly on his face, after which D-Von also gets in on the act, as the multi-time ECW Tag Champs flatten the runt with an absolutely huge flapjack. The Dudleys then catch site of the Hurricane preparing THE CAPE out on the ring apron, and this obviously means he must be tagged in to the match. The power of the cape allows Helms to fly through the air and flatten Spike with a top rope cross body block, but he poses instead of going for the pinfall. It ain't no thang, though, as he's still able to control the offense, including hitting the littlest Dudley with a sweet gutwrech gutbuster (try saying that three times fast) which he followed by immediately rolling in to a unique cover for two. Now there's a spot that could stand to be added in to somebody's regular moveset. A little miffed with his inability to put Spike away, Hurricane tags out to Storm, who gets his jawbreaker variation in before a double team miscue allow LSD to pull the Dudley Dog out of nowhere.
The Big Show cheerleads Spike in to making the hot tag, and the five hundred pounder has all four Alliance members bounce off of him for a few seconds before things degenerate in to a proper pier sixer. The Alliance boys wind up on the outside before long, and the Hardys take the opportunity to hit them with a pair of pescadas . . . the only wrestling move whose name sounds like a delicious snack food. Spike Dudley follows suit, climbing from the top rope up to the Big Show's shoulders before finally coming down on everybody with a plancha. Show then teases going up to the top rope to complete the train wreck spot (which the crowd eats up with a spoon), but Bubba Ray cuts him off from behind...only to get beaten up, a fate which his three Alliance brethren also quickly suffer. The Hurricane comes up from behind, and he sets the Big Show up for a chokeslam! Show shoves the superhero asunder, sadly, and Sugar Shane spills to the outside. Lance Storm tries to avenge his partner, but he's caught in a Big Show chokeslam and pinned for the first of our three decisions at 6:52.
Those damned Dudley Boys finally get the upper hand on Mr. Wight, as they sneak up from behind and plant him with a double team belly to back suplex. This sends the former Giant rolling to the outside, and, after clearing the Dudleys out of the ring, Matt Hardy and Spike begin squaring off. Mr. Hyson manages a victory roll for a quick two count and manages to reverse a Twist of Fate attempt in to the Rude Awakening, but irony rears her ugly head as Matt is able to reverse the Dudley Dog in to a Twist of Fate for the second pinfall at 7:57. That was actually a pretty nifty little counter wrestling sequence that you normally wouldn't associate with Spike Dudley. However, we're not going to get anymore of that, because it's time to start off your typical, stale Dudleys vs. Hardys encounter. It starts off with a little Poetry in Motion on Bubba Ray. Matt and Jeff attempt to do the same to D-Von, but Bubba gets a bit of revenge by scoring with the same hairpull takedown he used on Jeff earlier on in the match.
This begins the multicolored Hardy's run as our face in peril, as he takes everything the Dudleys have to dish out, including D-Von's spinning back elbow, the war dance, the "we want tables chant," the inbreeding, the wazzup drop, and more inbreeding all topped off by . . . a D-Von Dudley chinlock? Yeehaw. Jeff's obligatory babyface comeback is cut off by a D-Von powerslam and, to make matters worse, he rolls to the outside where Bubba is waiting to ram him in to the stairs. The stair spot only gets D-Von a two count, though, so he decides to bring in Bubba for some elbow dropping madness, the highlight of which was the whiter Dudley's war cry of "Eat this, pretty boy!" Bubba eats some of his own, though, as an attempt to Irish whip Jeff in to the corner just provides the Hardy the momentum he needs to leap up to the top turnbuckle and come back down with a corkscrew moonsault. Eat that, not-so-pretty boy. This leads to the Hardy hot tag, and D-Von gets his hands slapped as well. Matt cleans house on both Dudleys in formulaic fashion, with the champs eventually rolling to the outside. Matt follows and flattens them both with a very picturesque moonsault from the top down to the floor. D-Von's rolled back in for the traditional second rope leg drop, but Bubba Ray pulls Matt out off the pinning combination at two. Rather than being pulled all the way to the outside, Matt kicks Bubba off and sets up D-Von for the Twist of Fate, leading to him eating a great big 3D from the Brothers Dudley. The cover looks academic, but Jeff sails across the ring with a Swanton Bomb which breaks it up. The impact of that move takes out both D-Von and Jeff, leaving Bubba as the only conscious competitor in the match, and he takes advantage of that distinction by planting Matt with the Bubba Bomb to retain the titles at 14:21.
Match Thoughts: Prior the Hardys/Dudleys showdown, this was a really fun little match that had constant action without being to hyperactive. However, once it was down to the brothers, things just got painfully slow and stale, as the four men have just been in there together far too many times. The flow was essentially reversed, as a good match is supposed to start slow and build up to the frenzy, not the opposite. I'll give it **1/4 on the strength of first eight minutes alone.
Match Numero Dos: Raven (w/ Terri Runnels) vs. Perry Saturn
Saturn tackles Raven to kick things and then takes him off his feet with a back elbow before nailing a pretty decent springboard dropkick. It's so decent, in fact, that Raven decides he needs to walk out on the match. Perry retrieves him, but the former ECW Champion outsmarts his opponent by baseball slide kicking him before he can get back in to the ring. On the outside, Raven legsweeps Saturn in to the security wall. As if that weren't enough ECW-esque punishment, Saturn is also the victim of a drop toe hold in to the stairs. Speaking of ECW, this Pittsburgh crowd seems pretty dead for one of ECDub's top draws. Oh well, I guess people are fickle. The match goes back in to the ring, and Jim Ross surprises me by bringing up Raven and Saturn's history in the Flock . . . and Heyman goes one further by reminding us all that it was in fact Saturn who broke up that group. Damn, wrestling acknowledges something that happened more than three weeks in the past. Write this one down, folks. Raven's busy punching his opposition, which sets up a combination corner clothesline and bulldog from the Bowery resident. Then, increasing the "What the fuck?" quotient of this match, Mr. Levy slaps on a Cobra Clutch in mid-ring. Saturn's babyface comeback on the second drop of the arm is fairly quick, but it's cut off as Raven sends him to the outside. The Gargoyle tries to get back in to the ring twice, but Raven knocks him off of the apron both times before Saturn finally figures things out and decides to drape Scotty's neck over the top rope. He tries to follow this up with a slingshot sunset flip, but Raven does the old "Oh yeah? Well then I'll just sit on your chest." reversal and grabs the ropes for leverage. That gets two. Raven continues on the offense and attempts to do his little spot where he clotheslines his opponent as they bounce out of the corner, but Saturn ducks the clothesline and nails a Cryonic Kick. Sadly, the announcers don't remember when he feuded with Glacier and Chris Adams over the rights to that move. A T-bone and belly to belly follow. Perry then springboards off the ropes and hits god only knows what (it looked like it was supposed to be a clothesline, but came off as more of a flying slap) and sets Raven up for a top rope huricanrana. Raven shoves Saturn off of the second rope, though, and follows him down with a properly executed flying clothesline. A sunset flip gets two for Raven, but Saturn kicks out and grabs his former boss's legs to set up a catapult in to the turnbuckles. As Raven staggers out of the corner, Merry Perry hits him with the as-of-yet-unnamed Three Handled Moss Covered Family Credenza for the win at 5:07.
Match Thoughts: There was nothing horribly offensive here, but it's not going to win match of the year honors either. The finish seemed to come out of nowhere, and nobody in the crowd really seemed to get the underlying pseudo-psychology behind it. (In Saturn's matches prior to this, the catapult would've been in to Moppy, so his still doing the move was supposed to be a tribute.) We'll peg this one with **.
Match Numero Tres: Christian vs. Edge (c) for the WWF Intercontinental Title
Edge charges in to the ring and beats the living snot out of his brother, culminating with a big single-legged flapjack. He goes for the Edgecution right then and there, but Christian drops to his knees to block and follows Raven's lead by attempting to leave the match. Not surprisingly, Edge follows and gets in to a brawl on the ramp before catapulting him in to the set. We go back to the ring, where Christian is sent to the corner, and Edge pulls out a bit of 80's offense with the count-along head to turnbuckle smash. For good measure, he grinds Christian's face in to the bottom turnbuckle with his boot. That can only be an improvement, as I swear Reso is one of the ugliest men in the sport. Edge tosses him shoulder first in to the ringpost and Christian spills to the outside, where he meets up with both the security wall and the ring steps before being tossed in to the squared circle one more time. Things start going Christian's way, despite the fact that that bastard Jim Ross just mentioned that poor, sweet Grandma Edna is probably rooting for Edge. Xian's Kobashi (or was it Kawada?) backbreaker gets two, and it becomes apparent that he's busted open as he stands up. Christian digs in to his back pocket and comes up with some GLOW offense, lifting up Edge by the hair and slamming him back down in to the mat twice. Fortunately, he hits an actual offensive move (a powerslam) before going for the cover. Christian's dominance continues, as he chops away at his former tag partner in the corner, but Edge fires back with some of his own and hits a side Russian leg sweep to cue the double KO spot. Edge is up first, but his attempt to go the top rope is cut short by Christian, who goes for a superplex and fails as Edge shoves him off. Copeland dives off the top with a flying godonlyknowswhat and lands on his feet. He might have rolled out of the way, but he also turned his back on his opponent, which is a cardinal mistake. Christian takes a release German suplex, and we can now see that Edge's face has also been opened up, right beneath his eye. Edge attempts to continue his rally with a spear, but Christian dodges and it gets nothing but turnbuckle, which the smaller brother uses to hit a dropkick and get two consecutive two counts. A few kicks by Edge even the score again, and the two then collide while attempting cross body blocks at the same time. Christian's up first, but it doesn't last long as Edge reverses his attempt to hit ten punches in the corner.
Adam's offense continues, as he gets a high back body drop on Christian and returns the favor on those two brutal GLOW hair slams. Christian has a glimmer of hope as he attempts his inverted DDT, but Edge shows us all how supple he is by kneeing his "brother" in the head a couple of times to counter. Christian keeps trying and looks for the Unprettier, but Edge counters that as well, pulling his opposition down in to the Edge-o-matic. He can't keep on the offense, however, as Christian dumps him to the outside, but, instead of capitalizing, Xian gets in to an argument with the referee, which makes him miss the fact that Edge landed on his feet. He also misses Edge crawling underneath the ring and popping out on the opposite side, after which he lands a cross body block. The tide turns yet again, as Christian spears Edge for a two count, which resulted from Edge's valiant attempt to not run in to the referee during an Irish whip spot. Christian's not quite as valiant, and he heads to the outside to pick up a couple of chairs. Edge is positioned for the con-chair-to, but he kicks Christian's legs out from under him to block the move. With his brother down, Edge goes for the con-chair-to, but the referee grabs the chair before the move can connect. That's the prefect setup for Christian to low blow Edge with the leg of the other chair to win the match and the title at 11:53.
Match Thoughts: It wasn't absolutely spectacular, but this was a good, solid outing from both parties involved, and it would've been a good starting point to a much longer feud. Unfortunately, the WWF pissed it all away and blew things off all too soon, though we did get a ladder match out of the tag team before it was all said and done. However, that doesn't really affect the quality of this encounter, as it hovers around ***1/4.
Match Numero Cuatro: Kronik (Brian Adams & Bryan Clarke) vs. The Undertaker & Kane (c) for the WCW Tag Team Titles
Things open up with a pier six brawl on the outside, and the Undertaker quickly gets Brian Adams in to the ring for a big boot/leg drop combination that gets him a two count. Make your own Hulk Hogan joke. Adams is Irish whipped, and he slowly backs in to the corner before moseying on out so that UT can hit him with a drop toe hold and a series of elbowdrops. Kane tags in, looking even worse than his partner did, getting in some stomps and a bodyslam off of one of the most godawful Irish whips in the sport. The former Crush attempts to come back with an elbow, but it misses by a mile. Kane still sells it, allowing Adams to hit a backbreaker which weakens Kane just enough so that Bryan Clarke can be tagged in. He continues the parade of groundbreaking offense with some chops and kicks to the Big Red Machine before unleashing yet another slow motion Irish whip that culminates with a scissors kick to Kane's chest. Clarke telegraphs some more offense, though, which allows Kane to hit a neckbreaker. This brings in the Undertaker, who works the arm a little bit before getting in the "old school" rope walk and slapping on a cross arm breaker. Brian Adams comes in to break the hold, and Clarke, to his credit, sells the injury while hitting the Undertaker with some more crappy offense. Adams comes in again, this time legally, and hits a dropkick that would've prevented the Undertaker from ever having children if it had landed just an inch lower. The two blow some spot or another off the ropes, stare at each other for a couple of seconds, and Taker covers by completely missing a kneelift.
Adams recovers from that devastating move just long enough to clothesline UT out of the ring, but the American Badass lands on his feet and does what can best be described as a lame imitation of whipping his adversary in to the post. Bryan Clarke, no doubt tired of watching such offensive offense, leaps off of the ring apron on to Taker. His arm has miraculously healed by the way. Kane attempts to make the save, but Kronik sends him back first in to the ring apron, and the two-time WCW Tag Team Champions continue my pain by bringing the Undertaker back in to the ring for a double shoulderblock. Clarke goes back to the apron, and Adams hits....THE CHINLOCK! CHINLOCK CHINLOCK OH MY GOD A CHINLOCK! Why do you need a rest hold when you haven't even done anything? Taker's mandated babyface comeback from the deadly chinlock is cut short by an Adams powerslam, and Bryan Clarke comes in only to fall victim to an Undertaker DDT. That DDT gives us a lumbering tag. Kane takes on both members of Kronik, hitting a sidewalk slam on Brian Adams before teasing a double chokeslam on both big men. Since that's just about as likely to happen as the Big Show coming off of the top rope with a plancha, Kronik shrugs it off and sends Kane to the ropes, and all three men simultaneously clothesline each other. The Undertaker eventually recovers from his beating and comes back for another pier sixer to erupt, culminating in the Brothers of Destruction whipping each other in to the Kronik members for some avalanches. Steven Richards runs in on the match but gets knocked out just about as quickly as he came in, but it gives Brian Adams the opening he needs to hit a jawbreaker, the perfect set up for the High Times! Well, it would be the perfect setup if Taker didn't prevent them from hitting the move. Amidst the confusion, Kane comes off of the top rope with his clothesline on to Adams, while the Undertaker chokeslams Bryan Clarke Clarke to mercifully end at 10:22. Afterwards, Steven Richards comes in with a chair, but the Brothers of Destruction intimidate the poor guy for a while before Kane finally chokeslams him, which resulted in the best bump of the entire match. Yes, the best bump of the match came FROM THE MANAGER.
Match Thoughts: All the negative hype around this match is more than correct. In fact, I'm considering organizing a class action lawsuit against Vince McMahon so that I can get some money as a result of the damages that this match has caused me. I didn't mention it in the review proper, but, for about 75% of the match, Brian Adams didn't even take a back bump. Instead he'd just opt to stagger down to his knees or fall in to the ropes. It's really a shame Richards, with his great mic work, had to be saddled in to a lame angle like this. It probably set his career back numerous months. Needless to say, this scores 1/2*.
Match Numero Cinco: Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam (c) for the WWF Hardcore Title
This match starts out with a lockup in to your standard pre-hardcore "we can actually wrestle" mat work, which even ends with the "Kip up, stare at each other, soak up applause from the crowd" spot. The two then exchange hiptosses, mat wrestle a little more, and simultaneously miss dropkicks before popping up and receiving another round of applause from the Pittsburgh crowd. We go to another lockup, this time with RVD gaining the clear advantage and using a headscissors for a near fall, which Jericho counters in to a backslide for a two count of his own. This leads in to some Jericho chops and a hiptoss reversal sequence, and the two go back down to the mat where they completely blow what was supposed to be a fish out of water spot. Regardless of what he just fucked up, the crowd still LOVES RVD, and they chant his initials as loudly as they can. This prompts the old pointing-at-self routine, and Jericho's so pissed off that he slaps the taste out of Rob's mouth following the "D." Jericho then goes on the offensive, hitting the Flying Jalepeno and an enzuiguri, but Van Dam's able to fire back with one of his flying thrust kicks, and he scissors Jericho's legs to roll him in to a pinning predicament. The seesaw then swings in Jericho's favor, as he gets flapjack and a . . . well, there was supposed to be something there, but they screwed it up so bad that I couldn't even recognize what it was. Anyway, Jericho screws up again (this time it's screwing up in kayfabe though) as he misses his springboard crossbody to the ring apron and splatters out on the floor. Rob follows up with one of those oh-so-tasty pescados for a two count on the outside and posts his adversary after that doesn't work. A front suplex to the railing is next, and if you think that sets up the big RVD kick from the apron you're absolutely . . . wrong. Jericho rolls out of the way and Van Dam lands shoulder-first on the floor.
This gives Y2J an opening to retrieve a ladder, and that's promptly smashed in to Rob's face and dropped on to his back. The ladder apparently had no effect on Mr. Monday Night, though, because he's able to rally and hit a series of shoulders to Jericho's midsection in the corner. His third and flippiest one misses, however, sending the aforementioned shoulder right in to the ringpost. Jericho, wise man that he is throws RVD's shoulder in to the post one more time for good measure before going to the outside and retrieving the ladder. With the weapon inside, Jericho suplexes Van Dam on to it for two, but a second attempt is reversed as Jim Ross wonders how somebody learns to fall on to one of those things. You're VP of talent relations, Jim, you ask 'em. There's a double KO spot, and Jericho is the first one up to his feet. He then misses a dropkick to set up for the Walls of Jericho, but Van Dam uses his leg strength to flip the Lionheart across the ring and avoid the move. The flip segues in to more flipping as RVD hits a Rolling Thunder variant followed up by his spinning legdrop, but his attempt at a split legged moonsault gets nothing but Jericho's knees. Chrisy-poo then hits his one-handed facejam and misses the Lionsault but manages to land on his feet. The whole "upright" thing doesn't last long, though, as Van Dam kicks him back down before missing a Five Star Frog Splash, which Jericho uses as an opportunity to score an Oklahoma Roll for two. Technical wrestling not working so well, Jericho grabs the ladder and charges at RVD, but the poor Canadian sucker walks right in to a drop toe hold that shoots the ladder up in to his own face.
With the ladder now set up in the corner, Van Dam heads to the outside and retrieves a chair that's promptly driven in to Jericho's ribs. Mr. Irvine is slammed down on to that same chair, and Rob goes to set up the ladder. He climbs, but Jericho's recovered and throws our friend the chair in to Van Dam's face before following him up the ladder and applying his whacky, ladder assisted Tarantula that he first pulled out against Chris Benoit in their Royal Rumble match. Our VD is then tossed from the top of the ladder to the outside, landing stomach first on the top rope in the process. Jericho steps from the ladder down to the top rope and dives at RVD, but that results in him splattering against the security wall. As both men make an effort to get back in to the ring, Jericho gets kicked off of the apron and hits the floor one more time. Rob attempts to nail him with a tope suicida . .. and I say attempts because Jericho managed to not only sidestep, but also hit him with a chair as he came flying out. That's the second repeated spot from the Jericho/Benoit ladder match. After a two count and a posting, Jericho sends Van Dam back in to the ring, but he finds himself caught by those damned educated feet for a near fall. More Rob Van offense is attempted, but Y2J reverses . . . INTO A FUJIWARA ARMBAR! RVD crawls to the ropes, but Jericho wisely doesn't break (because he doesn't run the risk of getting DQed in a hardcore match), so Rob crawls to the outside and manages to wriggle out of the hold. Going to the outside probably wasn't the smartest move, though, as it results in him getting sent in to the stairs one more time. Jericho brings him in quickly after that, and some chairshots get laid in to the bad part of Van Dam's anatomy before we hit that Stephanie McMahon run-in everybody knew was coming. She attempts to pry the chair away from Y2J, but Jericho wins that battle and takes a wild swing at the Billion Dollar Princess, which misses. This allows our hero to walk right in to a Van Daminator. Five Star Frog Splash. Three count. RVD retains at 16:33.
Match Thoughts: Jim Ross called this one a "five star match" right after it ended, but I'm going to have to beg to differ. Both guys really did put their bodies on the line, which I respect, but it only gets you so far in terms of producing a good match. It really irked me that they directly lifted two of the Benoit/Jericho ladder match spots instead of coming up with something original . . . plus the early attempts at mat wrestling were blown in a couple of key places, and the story with RVD's shoulder was all but ignored in our finish. However, the bumping and FUJIWARA ARMBAR (!) are enough to put this one up to ***3/4
Match Numero Siete: Booker T. & Shane McMahon vs. The Rock (c) for the WCW Title in a handicap match
Booker and Rocky start things off, with Maivia going on the offense immediately, nailing a lariat and a neckbreaker to get a very early two count. Shane McMahon makes the save on the nearfall, distracting the champ just long enough for Booker to get in some well-placed stomps, but his offense doesn't last long, as the People's Champ gets his sloppy-as-hell belly to belly suplex off of the ropes, which prompts another save by Shame-O-Mac at two. Shane makes his way in to the match, and a small but vocal portion of the crowd decides to remind us that he's a pussy. McMahon proves them right by running from the Rock, leading to one of those lovely chase sequences outside of the ring. Shane eventually does roll back in, and, as can be expected, he gets his ass handed to him. However, the tide turns when Booker manages to kick Rock in the back of the head from the ring apron, which staggers him just enough for Shane to hit a lariat and follow up with a series of elbow drops and double axe handles. Goddamn, this offense just seems so vanilla after the last match. With the Rock down, Booker T. reenters the match, and he gets a sidewalk slam for two before Shane comes back in, with Booker being gracious enough to hold Rocky back while McMahon delivers a series of punches. However, he falls victim to a belly-to-belly suplex, and the Brahma Bull knocks the Booka Man off of the apron just for good measure. That wasn't too horribly smart, because Shane-o is able to catch him with a lariat and his ridiculous dancing punches. Fortunately, the last one of the series is blocked, and McMahon quickly finds himself in the Sharpshooter. Yeah, like two heels will let the face just hold one of them in a submission hold while the other just stand idly by. Rock finds himself Irish whipped by Booker, and Shane was just kind enough to pull down the bottom rope so that our hero might splatter against the arena floor. McMahon lays in the kicks on the outside and flies off of the security wall with a clothesline. Why is the referee not doing anything about this? Is it because refs actually haven't cared about the count-out rule since the Attitude era began? That's my theory, but, if you listen to Jim Ross, it's all because evil WCW referee Nick Patrick is in control of this match.
Rocky finds himself rolled back in to Booker's clutches, and he's tossed to the corner where Shane reaches in from the outside and pulls him crotch-first in to the ringpost. Heyman makes a good pun about taking the bull by the horns. Booker T. follows up on his partner's move by going for a cover after hitting a snap mare of all moves. If that had gotten three, I think it would've been an even lamer finish than the People's Elbow. Booker now charges Rocky, but he gets tossed over the top rope. Rock's celebration costs him, though, as he gets blindsided with a Shane clothesline that sends him out to the floor. What's the big fascination of being outside of the ring in this match? Anyway, Booker somehow recovered enough to grab himself a chair, but he didn't recover enough to actually connect with the shot. Shane clobbers Rocky from behind again, which results in the five-time WCW Champion catapulting his opponent in to the post. What's Booker do when they return to the ring? He hits that deadly snap mare again. This time, instead of going for the cover, he hits his freaky deaky knee drop, which sets up the spinaroonie. As you would expect when a dance move is pulled out in the middle of a wrestling match, the dancer is rolled up for a two count. Rocky doesn't keep his advantage for long, however, as Booker throws him to the outside yet again. Jesus, just bulldoze the ring. This time, Booker prepares the Spanish announce table, and McMahon goes up for his elbow, but the Rock gets a second wind to dodge that bullet. It's only two seconds before he fails to dodge a Booker superkick, though.
Instead of bothering to set him up for the elbow again, T rolls Rock back in but gets caught with a Samoan drop. While both men are down, Shane-o-Mac retrieves the WCW Title belt from ringside and brings it in to the squared circle. Unfortunately, we've got a certified malfunction at the junction which sees Rocky duck under the planned belt shot. Then, in perhaps the only smart move the heels make all night, Shane just sort of shrugs it off and goes ahead with nailing the Rock. NOW the officiating can be legitimately complained about, as Patrick just lets it happen right in front of him. Booker crawls over to get a two count. With that brilliant plan failing, Booka tags in his boss who proceeds to completely miss his elbow thanks to the Rock rolling out of the way. Rocky's still winded, though, and we've got a double KO spot before Booker comes in, only to have the Rock kick not only his ass, but Shane's as well. They think they've got the advantage briefly, but Rocky counters their double clothesline with one of his own and DDTs Booker for a near fall. But while Mr. Maivia is getting up from the pinning combination, Shane comes out of nowhere and flattens him with the Flying Jalepeno. He attempts to follow up with a variation of the People's Elbow, but Rock pops up as any smart person would do and puts down his opposition with the Rock Bottom. Booker walks right in to a spinebuster, and Rocky sets up for the legitimate elbow, only to fall victim to the continuation Test's semiannual big push. The horse-faced Canadian plows Rockster out of the ring and hits him with the big boot, but, before any more damage can be done, Bradshaw chases him off with some sort of unidentified weapon. Rocky's still selling the boot, so Nick Patrick rolls him back in to the ring, where Shane goes for the pinfall, but WWF referee Mike Chioda is pissed off by the job that Patrick's been doing and shows up to pull Shane-o off of Rocky at the count of two. The two refs argue while Booker gets a visionary pinfall that evolves in to a two count from Patrick when he finally realizes what's going on. The officials brawl in the ring, with Chioda dumping Patrick to the floor. Just when it looks like Mike Chioda might be our big hero for the day, Booker knocks him senseless and sets Rocky up for the Book End. Sadly, Rock knows how to counter his own maneuver (elbow to the head), and the WCW Champ hits the Rock Bottom . . . but there's still no referee. Guess what happens next. If you said Earl Hebner runs in and counts the three at 15:23, you would be correct. A bitter Paul Heyman asks just how many controversial title changes Hebner needs to be involved in during his career.
Match Thoughts: Damn, this really didn't live up to my expectations . . . and those weren't even really too high. At least these guys had the basics down, which is more than you can say for the WCW Tag Title match from earlier on. However, there were still far too man problems with this one. Booker was made to look like an idiot at just about every turn, the offense was almost all punch-punch-kick-kick (primarily because Shane can't do anything else), and the thing was just horribly overbooked. Did we really need Test and Bradshaw heating up a mid-card feud in the middle of our World Title match, which was already two on one? I think not. All this and more lands this match *1/4.
Match Numero Ocho: Rhyno vs. Tajiri (c, w/Torrie Wilson) for the WCW United States Title
We start things off with a lockup that doesn't last long before Rhyno just begins pounding the smaller man with his huge fists, but Tajiri quickly catches him offguard and tosses him to the outside. Rhyno tries to reenter quickly, but the champ kicks him in the face, which stuns the manbeast just long enough for Tajiri to land an Asai moonsault. Back inside the ring, Tajiri takes over with some of his kicks and chops, but an Irish whip to the corner gets reversed and Rhyno drives his shoulder in to those taped up ribs and gets a bodyslam for two. Tajiri surprises him again, this time with a quick rollup, but it only gets two and provides the perfect setup for Rhyno to splatter Yoshihiro with a belly to belly suplex. The last ECW Champion then applies a chinlock, which is horribly out of place in a five minute match. As every good babyface does, Tajiri makes a comeback out of the chinlock and reverses a powerbomb attempt in to a huricanrana. Building on that momentum, the US Champ hits a spin wheel kick for a two count and follows up immediately with his handspring elbow for another nearfall. That little offensive flurry is cut short by a Rhyno spinebuster, and he then drapes Tajiri over the bottom rope for some knee-dropping action. Torrie has finally seen enough and begs Rhyno to stop this carnage, but he decides it'd be a better idea to kick her ass. This leads us to a chase sequence oddly similar to Shane's in the last match, with Torrie rolling in to the ring and twisting her ankle due to her incredibly bright decision to run around in high heeled shoes. The proverbial shit is about to hit the fan, as Rhyno ducks down and attempts to gore Torrie as she finally stands, but Tajiri cuts off Rhyno's charge with a kick to the head. It only gets two, but Torrie is saved and rolls on out of the ring. Tajiri manages to continue on the offensive and attempts a tornado DDT, only to have it blocked. That doesn't deter our plucky little foreigner, as he locks in the Royal Octopus hold and the Tarantula. The hold is broken at the five count, and Rhyno staggers out of it in perfect position to be hit by Tajiri's finishing kick . . . but he ducks under the blow and T-bones the US Champ out of his boots. After that, it's all academic as Rhyno ducks down, gores Tajiri, and pins him at 4:50.
Match Thoughts: I give them credit for not going with the traditional, cliched "big man vs. little man" match prototype, but, aside from that, this was really just filler. Most of the big spots (like the kick in the middle of the gore) had been done before on free WWF TV, but there was still nothing horribly offensive here. **
Match Numero Nueve: Kurt Angle vs. Steve Austin (c) for the WWF Title
Angle runs out to meet Austin on the ramp for a big brawl to kick things off, and he gets the clear advantage, managing to hiptoss Stone Cold on the arena floor before sending him head first in to the stairs and mauling him in just about every way imaginable before taking it in to the ring. Angle continues his offense, but he telegraphs a back body drop, and Austin kicks him in the face. Steve hesitates about three times on giving him the stunner, just because he knows that Angle has reversed it many times in their past encounters. The hesitation gives Kurt an opening, and he whips Austin off of the ropes to land his own version of the Lou Thesz press. Then, in a spot I really don't get, Angle sits his opposition on the top turnbuckle and punches/chops the snot out of him as he sits there. Normally that'd be the setup to a superpelx, but it goes on for much longer than it normally would if that were the case . . . and Austin just falls out to the arena floor once the sequence is over. The Angle dominance continues on the outside, as Austin finds himself rammed headfirst in to the announce table a couple of times before the action spills back in to the ring. Kurt puts the Rattlesnake back up on to the top turnbuckle, but this time he's actually going for a superplex. It's blocked, however, but Angle manages to weaken the opposition with a few more well-timed punches and returns to actually hit the move. Irony and psychology simultaneously rear their ugly heads, however, as Kurt has jarred his neck while landing the move. Austin covers him for two off of that, and it's time that the champion started getting his licks in.
Stunning Steve locks on a sleeper hold, but his time with the upper hand doesn't last long at all, as Angle counters the move with a jawbreaker and clotheslines the paranoid champion to the outside. Austin decides its time to hit the bricks and grabs his championship belt to leave, but, as you probably guess, Kurt cuts him off, and we get another big brawling sequence on the ramp. This one culminates in Angle snapping and tossing Austin off the side down five feet or so to arena floor . . . a good addition to the match given that Austin did the same thing to him during the course of their feud. With Steve Austin presumably dead (if you believe Paul Heyman), Angle lifts him up to the security wall and unloads with even more punches and chops in front of a sea of rabid fans. When those folks are finally satisfied with the beating that Austin's gotten, Kurt picks him up and carries him back to the ringside area, where the champion is posted twice before Angle pulls up the ring mats while Jim Ross screams for Kurt to not stoop to his adversary's level. Before he can even attempt the piledriver, Austin cuts off his opponent with a kneeflit and a slam on to the Spanish announce table. Now Stone Cold grabs hold of Angle, and it looks like he's setting up for a piledriver on to the unforgiving concrete floor, but Angle flips him over in to a back body drop. With Austin down, the Olympic gold medalist hits him with a series of short headbutts designed to open up a cut on Austin's head, and it works. Angle now goes for his own piledriver, but it's reversed as well. Both men are down for the double KO spot, and Austin is the first to recover. He finally gets on the offensive for more than twenty seconds, as Kurt is chopped and then front suplexed down on to the Spanish announce table not once, not twice, but thrice. After that lengthy stint on the outside, Austin finally takes things back in to the ring where he scores with a kneelift and a forearm drop before beginning what we were all looking forward to . . . beating on the injured neck of Angle. We start off with some kneedrops, and then Austin sets him up in the corner for some forearms which result in Angle being draped face first against the bottom turnbuckle. Austin then becomes my hero by balancing himself with the top ropes and STANDING ON THE NECK!
Just for fun, Austin bails to the outside and flips off Angle's family. Angle makes a quick attempt at a comeback when Austin returns, but he runs in to a boot in the corner, and Stone Cold comes off of the second rope with a double axe handle that puts Angle down. Afterwards, Austin gets a snap mare and locks on the chinlock so that we can give Angle an excuse to rally. That's exactly what happens, as Kurt pops up and runs the ropes. Austin goes for another kneelift, but Angle rolls through it to get a cradle for two. Steve is able to turn it in to his own nearfall, though, and he takes Angle back in to the corner where more forearms are laid in to the Olympian's neck. Angle responds with the rolling German suplexes. But Angle hits his own neck on the last one, and we're left with a double KO spot. Despite Kurt hitting his neck on the last suplex, Austin still took the majority of the damage, allowing Angle to get up first and climb the ropes for his moonsault. Austin is up as well and cuts off the move from behind, putting Angle in the perfect position for a belly to back suplex off of the top rope. Austin sets up for the move, which would no doubt be the final blow to the bad neck, but Angle flips through in midair and lands on top of Austin for a two count! Austin's the first man up, and he gets a spinebuster as well as a low kick just for fun. Angle rolls out of the ring right in front of his family as they fail to get an "Angle" chant going, so Austin just rolls his opposition right back in. Kurt's slumped down in the corner, and Austin goes to follow him in, but referee Earl Hebner objects, only to find himself flung across the ring by Stone Cold. Little did Austin know that that move would allow Angle to kick him low and come back with a DDT that sends Austin rolling out of the ring. Angle's too worn down to further capitalize, though, so Austin is left to his own devices when it comes to getting back in to the ring. However, when he does get back in, he falls victim to Kurt Angle's version of the Stone Cold Stunner...but that only manages to get him a two count.
Angle's all business now, as the straps on the singlet come down and he goes for the Angle Slam, but it's reversed in to Steve Austin's own version of the move for a two count. Austin goes to the well with another piledriver attempt, but it's blocked, as are the second attempt and the third attempt, but piledriver attempt number four hits. Instead of going for the cover, Austin straddles Angle's back again and repeatedly drives his forearm in to the neck before getting up and in to position for the stunner, but the setup kick is reversed in to the ankle lock and Austin (with his hand under the rope) taps at 23:12 to give the win and the WWF Heavyweight Title to Kurt Angle. The Angle family rushes the ring to celebrate, as does the entire WWF locker room.
Match Thoughts: Ye gods, a main event that actually delivers. Only about 50% of WWF main events actually seem to, and this is definitely one of them. My only complaint about the match is that some of the early brawling sequences were a bit to slow and lengthy for my liking, but otherwise you've got a very nicely executed match with solid offense and even more solid psychology in the Kurt Angle neck story, all of which lands it ****1/4. I have yet to see the Summerslam match between the two, but word on the street says it's even better than this one...so it's definitely worth a look.
Final Thoughts
Two matches score substantially above average, two matches are substantially below it, and the rest of the card hovers right around that 5.0 range. There's definitely better overall wrestling videos out there, but, as WWF PPV fair goes, this is a very good effort. The WWF, IC, and Hardcore Title matches all make it worth picking up...and, hell, it's even interesting to watch the WCW Tag Title match to satisfy a sort of morbid curiosity. It's worth picking up, especially if as part of a series with the other 2001 summer/fall pay per views, beginning with Invasion and ending with No Mercy.
