Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People 08.31.06: MLW

Posted by Ryan Byers on 08.31.2006

Where and how to buy an independent promotion's entire history on DVD for $65.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People. As always, I'm Ryan Byers, here to guide you through the greatest deals in wrestling video. Also, as of three weeks ago, I'm also your guide to TNA Impact, so be sure to catch my review of that show later on tonight.

Cheap Wrestling Tip #47: MLW

After WCW was purchased in 2001 and ECW fell apart in the same year, time was ripe for a change in the wrestling landscape. With no wealthy individual able or willing to start up a national wrestling promotion, several individuals used the large amount of unemployed wrestling talent to launch larger independent promotions. One of those individuals was a young man by the name of Court Bauer, who managed to find enough cash to make Major League Wrestling a reality for a short period of time. MLW promised to fly in stars from all of the world to its home in New York (and later Florida) for unique matches and a fusion of wrestling styles that would not been seen elsewhere.

Yeah, that didn't work out so well. Due to poor money management, MLW's initial run only produced three shows in six months. A relaunch of the company did not fare much better. Though it did have television on the Sunshine Network with limited national syndication, the company's business once again imploded. The wrestlers would all go their separate ways, some becoming bigger names in TNA, some fading in to obscurity, and some returning to their native countries. Court Bauer somehow weaseled his way in to a creative position with WWE. There remains only one remnant of MLW for those of us who want to remember it. I'm talking, of course, about the tape library, which is currently priced to move at Highspots. There are eight MLW shows available at these reduced rates, all of which are very affordable. In short, they are:

$10
- MLW Genesis (Shane Douglas vs. Vampiro vs. Taiyo Kea)
- MLW Reload (Satoshi Kojima vs. Jerry Lynn, Taiyo Kea vs. Sabu)

$7.50
- MLW Hybrid Hell (Terry Funk vs. Steve Corino – Barbed Wire Match)
- MLW Rise of the Renegades (Steve Corino vs. Mike Awesome, Homicide vs. Jerry Lynn)
- MLW Revolutions (Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka, La Parka vs. Sabu)

$6.50
- MLW War Games (War Games Match, Vampiro vs. CM Punk, Junior Title Tournament)
- MLW Reloaded Night 1 (Homicide vs. Low Ki, Tag Title Tournament)
- MLW Reloaded Night 2 (Steve Corino vs. Terry Funk, Vampiro vs. Raven)

Based on word of mouth and the matches that I have seen, I'd say that all of the cards are of roughly equivalent quality. As a result, none of you should care too much that I'm only reviewing one of them . . .

Title: Reload
Released By: Major League Wrestling
Release Year: 2002
Run Time: 180 minutes
Found At: Highspots.com
Price: $10

We go to Joey Styles, who is providing our commentary for the evening. Joey sets up the premise for our top two matches on the card. On the last show, Shane Douglas walked out of the tournament with the MLW Title, but he apparently wasn't available to return, so the championship has been vacated. As a result, a lottery has been held involving four of the top MLW wrestlers: Jerry Lynn, Satoshi Kojima, Taiyo Kea, and Sabu. Lynn and Kojima's names were drawn, meaning that they will wrestle for the vacant title in the main event. Sabu and Kea, meanwhile, will wrestle each other in the semi-main for the number one contendership . . . but that match never wound up happening. I think that just goes to show the problem with shooting angles when your promotion has several months between cards and no solid contracts for the workers. Anyway, Styles then gets "interrupted" by somebody on his earpiece (as though he was doing the commentary live) as the four men previously mentioned have piled in to the ring. A big brawl breaks out, with the four pairing off in to their opposing dyads for later in the evening. Everything is broken up eventually, and not a whole lot comes of the angle.

Match Numero Uno: Super Crazy vs. "The Amazing" Fuego Guerrero

Just because it's the primary goal of every wrestling tape reviewer ever, I reveal the identity of the masked man in this match. Guerrero is east coast indy worker and Mikey Whipwreck trainee the Amazing Red. There, it's out of the way. Oddly, Joey Styles openly acknowledges that it's Red under the hood as well, which makes me wonder why the gimmick change was even done. I mean the guy doesn't have that much name value, but the name value he DOES have is working as Red, so wouldn't the upstart MLW promotion want to capitalize on whatever they could? The duo starts by teasing a test of strength, but Crazy takes his opponent down with a back heel trip as soon as they clasp hands. Fuego hits the ropes and locks himself in to a wheelbarrow position on Crazy's body, coming out of it with an armdrag that sends the opposition to the outside. Supes comes in and lands a kick, but Guerrero reverses some more offense in to another armdrag that sends Crazy out again. The former ECW TV Champ comes in yet again, and yet again he's sent out . . . this time by a tilt-a-whirl rana with more whirls and tilts than I've ever seen in my life. This time Crazy only makes it back up on to the ring apron before Red starts the offensive, nailing the more experienced wrestler on his entrance. Fuego tries for the pinfall with a sunset flip, but Crazy escapes and hits a BRUTAL dropkick to his seated opponent's face. A sequence off of the ropes leads to Fuego winding up in the seated position again, but he blocks his face this time . . . only to have Crazy walk around and dropkick him in the back of the head. Cute.

Crazy stomps away, presumably in control now, but Red rallies with a pair of ranas and a pair of dropkicks, again putting Super Crazy out on the floor. Guerrero then launches himself with a somersault plancha, and a pair of hard kicks to Crazy's chest and back follow on the outside. However, upon returning to the ring, Red runs directly in to a superkick, allowing Supes to hit a variant on the fireman's carry slam before going up for a second rope moonsault and dropping a corkscrew elbow. Guerrero is then shot off of the ropes, and his larger opponent tosses him up in to the air before bringing him down with a sit-out facebuster. A slingshot guillotine legdrop follows, and then Crazy FINALLY goes for a pinfall after a powerbomb. It only gets two, much to his chagrin. After all of that high impact offense, Crazy needs a break, so he just drags Fuego over to the corner for the bilingual ten count of punches, which is sold with a mini-Flair flop. Crazy then sets up for the powerbomb again, but it gets reversed in to a tornado DDT for two. Guerrero then comes off the ropes and botches his Code Red powerbomb variant. Styles covers by claiming that it was a "teeter totter" move designed to take Crazy off his feet. Regardless, it sets the real luchadore up for a big kick from the fake luchadore that gets two. A jumping enzuguri gets another two count for Guerrero, but Crazy beats up him up from that and gets a lariat, followed by a pair of tight corner clotheslines. He followed the man in so quickly that there was no opportunity for him to move out of the way. The brainbuster follows, and Joey thinks that it's all over, but Red kicks out. Guerrero then manages to toss the bigger man out to the apron, and a big spin wheel kick sends the Insane Luchadore down to the floor. Oh, did I just call Super Crazy insane? Let me change that over to Guerrero, because he hits A FREAKING INFARED DOWN TO THE FLOOR! Beautiful, tight rotations on that thing too. Back on the inside, Fuego gets a standing shooting star press, and Crazy kicks out at one. That was weird. He then goes up top for a senton, but Crazy rolls out of the way and turns a rana attempt in to a Doctor Bomb to get the three count and the victory.

Match Thoughts: There was some very good, flashy offense here from both men, particularly Red, who was practically doing a gymnastics show in the middle of a wrestling ring. However, despite the fact that I respect their abilities in that area, something about this match just really rubbed me the wrong way. There was no story told here . . . there was no drama built. It was just two guys trading back and forth minute and a half blocks of offense until they couldn't do anything anymore. Additionally, they were attempting to have Crazy play the heel the whole time while Red was supposed to be an underdog babyface, but the crowd was obviously much more in to the established guy, meaning that aspect of storytelling was sabotaged as well. We'll give it **1/2 for athletics but a whopping 0 for psychology.

Match Numero Dos: Shocker vs. La Parka

We get chants of "lucha liebre" throughout this match. You know it's a smart mark crowd when genre of wrestling is just as over as the two combatants. Parka offers a handshake to start, but delivers a cheap shot and a crotch chop when Shocker accepts. Twenty years ago there would've been no reason to do this, but I suddenly feel the need to specify that the Chairman is actually the babyface here. The two work the mat for a bit, and that leads to exchanging armdrags and legsweeps, with both men getting one counts on each other before standing off in your typical lucha opening. They block each other's hip toss attempts, and Shocker finally hits the first big offensive move by nailing a straight kick that sends La Parka out of the ring. He teases a dive but instead just does a back handspring off of the ropes, leading Joey Styles to go on about how arrogant the youngster is. He does attempt a baseball slide, however, but La Parka sidesteps and replaces his opponent in the ring, taking over and kicking him upon his re-entry. Parka takes over in the corner with chops and kicks before dry humping Shocker's face. People talk about homoeroticisim in wrestling all the time, but I think the problem is multiplied 1000x when discussing lucha. Parka attempts to follow up with a corner splash, but Shocker moves out of the way and takes the opposition down with a drop toe hold to the second turnbuckle. He quickly runs in to a boot, however, and La Parka shoulderblocks him down before landing the PARKA STRUT! There's more strutting out of a kick from La Parka, but he misses a high knee in to the corner and lands flat on the back of his head as a result, even getting tangled in the ropes a bit. Parka's legs hit the ropes again after a monkey flip by Shocker, making me wonder if this ring is smaller than what the guys are used to working in. Meanwhile, Shocker wonders how stupid he could possibly be after running in to La Parka's boot AGAIN, but the rudo quickly recovers and monkey flips the skeleton out of the ring for a pretty damn big bump. The bleached blond follows with a plancha off of the second rope, and he suplexes Parka back in tot he ring after the requisite laying around on the floor. Shocker follows up with a second front kick and takes a brief time out to scratch himself . . . what IS the fascination these guys seem to have with their crotches? (Please spare me the e-mails about how I'm referencing their crotches just as much as they are.)

After his itch is gone, Shocker goes for the big kick again, but this time Parka catches the boot and takes Shocker over for a two count before rallying with a spinning heel kick that sends the newcomer outside. The Chairman follows up with a corkscrew pescado, which gets two upon both men's return to the ring. A scoop slam by Parka sets up the senton atomico, and that also gets two. The masked man starts to get a bit frustrated that he can't put Shocker down, and you know what that means IT'S TIME FOR THE CHAIR! Unfortunately, though, the big shot misses and Parka gets the furniture dropkicked back in to his own face. Shocker then lariats him to the outside and toes for the tope suicida, but the Chairman swings, and Shocker goes headfirst in to the steel. I'd be more excited, but I've seen that spot a few too many times. Parka rolls him back in and gets a side Russian leg sweep for another nearfall, so the cult star decides to go up top. He leaps off with the good old jump directly in to Shocker's feet, and THAT even gets two. They're definitely stretching for nearfall spots now. The Whiplash puts Parka in to position for three quick sentons by Shocker, and that's another two count. La Parka comes back with a dropkick for yet another two, and this whole formula is really starting to get old. A missile dropkick also results in a pinfall attempt for La Parka, but he's crotched on a second attempt to climb to the top. A superplex by Shocker follows, and that's enough to draw a double KO spot until the rudo finally rolls over to get a two count. Mr. Guapo seems to recover very quickly for somebody who just had to spend so much time on the mat, and he chops away to set up a corner clothesline/bulldog combo and an Oklahoma roll, both of which get their own two counts. Skeleton is then sent to the corner and Shocker buries his shoulder before charging in what appears to be a bronco buster minus the crotch-to-face gyrations. Wait, you mean he's not taking an opportunity to rub his penis on La Parka's lips? Isn't that a DQ under lucha rules? I suppose the ref didn't see it. Shocker is ready to repeat the move, but this time La Parka gets his boot up to block it. What follows? THE GLOW HAIR BEAL! Your hero and mine then climbs the ropes, and the corkscrew moonsault finishes the match. I think the hair beal actually did most of the work, but Parka just wanted to finish with something more flashy.

Match Thoughts: This had the exact same problem as the first match in that the two just traded offense back and forth with little to no attempt to actually create any sort of build or internal story to the match. However, what it didn't have was the benefit of the awesome spots that Red was able to repeatedly hit. Granted, Parka and Shocker weren't exactly slackers with their highspots and bumping, but it wasn't nearly as crisp looking to pull the rating up as much as it was from match numero uno. **

Match Numero Tres: Christopher Daniels, Ikuto Hidaka, & Dick Togo vs. Quiet Storm & Los Maximos

Styles mentions the Michinoku Pro connection between the heel team, though no such cool backstory can be given for the faces. They're just a bunch of guys that were trained by Mikey Whipwreck. Oh well, we can't all be interesting. Joe starts things off with Hidaka, and the duo locks up before some standing switches are executed. Joe gets an armbar, but that is reversed by Hidaka, only to have Joel take him down with a single leg that gets him a very quick cover. Lockup number two results in the headlock/shoulderblock sequence, with Hidaka being on the winning side of things. Meanwhile, the crowd starts up a "We want Dick!" chant. See what that La Parka/Shocker match has done to them? Hidaka backflips off of the ropes to showboat, leading in to the two men trading armdrags. Both pop up and simultaneously attempt dropkicks, and that leads in to your face off spot to draw golf claps from the crowd. Chris Daniels and Quiet Storm are both brought in by their respective partners, and Storm dominates early, hitting a single leg, an arm drag, and a monkey flip all in short order. Daniels lands on his feet after the flip, though, but it's not enough for him to capitalize as Storm responds with a rana. An eye rake takes the advantage for the Fallen Angel, however, and he uses the opening to bring in Dick Togo just as Jose Maximo also decides to enter the ring. Togo gets a shoulderblock and a floatover DDT that sets up a series of chops. Jose comes back with a rana, and the other half of the regular tag teams repeats the stereo dropkick attempt. Togo offers him a handshake out of respect, but that's just a setup for Christopher Daniels to blindside the babyface, and that sets off the big pier six brawl on the outside of the ring. The crowd explodes in to a chorus of woo's as each pair of men chops each other at various intervals, and the heels take control of things as Daniels roles Joel Maximo in to the ring to get things back under control.

A leg lariat connects, and Chris follows up with some forearms before Maximo comes back with a pair of armdrags and a beatdown in the babyface corner. Storm is tagged in to take over, and he stomps a mudhole prior to landing a lariat for two and then landing a slingshot senton for the same result. A quick tag is made to Jose, and he gets a pair of nearfalls off of a back elbow before bringing Joel right on back. The brothers hit a double team bulldog for two and then trade off to Quiet Storm, who repeatedly chops Daniels to get another pinfall attempt. Daniels tries to come back with a knee, but his attempt at an enzuguri is turned in to a takedown and a very swank STF variation by Storm. Hidaka is quick to make the save for his partner, and that allows Daniels to bring Dick in while Jose makes the tag to Joel. A vertical suplex gets two for Joey, and he tags in Jose who continues the punishment with a drop toe hold. Maximo then looks for a surfboard, but Daniels runs in to block by throwing his body on top of Togo's, and that winds up being just plain stupid. Why? Because Joel is right there to put him in to a Boston crab ON TOGO'S BACK while Jose locks Dick in to a camel clutch. Hidaka tries to run interference, but Quiet Storm is right there to flip him down in to a cross arm breaker to make this a triple submission spot.

Joel lets go as the crowd reaction to the spot begins to die down, and he dropkicks Togo in the face as Jose still holds the camel clutch! Classic M-Pro rudo move there in an ironic little moment. Joe takes over as the legal man after that one, but he's relatively ineffective, being hit by a Togo tornado DDT. Daniels comes in to take over and taunts the illegal faces, and he tosses Joe out of the ring for the foreigners to pummel. When he's returned to the ring, Daniels get a lariat for two and brings in Hidaka, who lands a dropkick and wrenches Maximo's knee twice before applying a legbar submission. Togo comes in next, and he drops the senton atomico before following up with a dropkick to Joe's face for two. A chinlock is applied after that, but the babyface comeback is cut very short by a lariat from Togo. That is Daniels' cue to take over the offense, and I think it's safe to now official declare Joel your face in peril. A slam and a moonsault get two for the Fallen Angel as Jose makes the save. Joe makes a very brief comeback with some punches, but he's thrown to the ground by his hair when attempting a back body drop. Christopher follows up with an enzuguri, and he knocks the other faces off of the apron before making the cover, but Jose makes the save regardless. Hidaka is brought back in, and he and Togo both hit slingshot sentons on to Joel. The legal heel follows with a baseball slide kick in the ring, and that leads to our latest nearfall. Some chops and a back elbow soften up Maximo for Dick Togo's latest entrance in to the match, and the former Kaientai DX member gets a brainbuster for two. He then PLANTS Joe with a DDT, landing the Maximo in a position where he's practically doing a headstand. Togo grapevines the leg off of this to turn it in to a small package, which also gets two. The Fallen Angel is brought in to continue the humiliation, and he does a mocking "SAT" chant that really fails to serve its intended purpose of eliciting a genuine chant from the crowd. Look out, Chris, they're too smart for you. Joel fails at going on the offensive yet again, as his punch attempts are met with an STO and a submission hold from Daniels. Fortunately, Quiet Storm makes the save, but that just distracts the referee long enough for the heels to do the old KDX humiliation pose on Maximo's back. Togo and Daniels take turns riding the babyface, but then Hidaka breaks tradition by flipping him off and dropkicking him in the mush. Ha, gotta love it.

Togo clamps on a full nelson after that sequence, and Hidaka charges in, only to have Joe kick him in the face. The Maximo then flips out of the hold, but Togo grabs him coming off of the ropes and holds him up in a wheelbarrow position as Hidaka comes down and slams his face down with a bulldog. Impressive as it looked, Joel still manages to kick out at two, and he finally makes that big comeback as he dropkicks both heels. Daniels senses trouble and runs in, but Joe cuts him off with a tornado DDT and makes the big tag to Jose! He all too briefly cleans house before being cut off by a Daniels lariat, but Storm is in to send the Angel out and set up YOUR trainwreck spot for the evening. The actually mix up the formula a bit, though, as Togo's "dive" is actually a baseball slide in to a tornado DDT. When Hidaka goes for his dive, he's cut off by a Maximo, and when Joel gives it a shot, Daniels pulls down the top rope and forces him to spill out to the floor. After that, Chris moonsaults down to the floor, and Hidaka finishes things out with a much more traditional dive. Whew, writing about these things always leaves me out of breath. When we get back to action, it's Hidaka and Quiet Storm, which actually makes a lot of sense given that Hidaka was the only man to not get hit by anything in the trainwreck and Storm was the first one to dive, meaning that they'd theoretically be the freshest. PSYCHOLOGY! Anyway, Hidaka goes for a tornado DDT with Storm attempting to block it . . . but Ikuto reverses it in to a choke hold on the top rope, Tarantula style! When the ref finally forces the break, Storm staggers out to the center of the ring, allowing Ikuto to come in with . . . A SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK TO THE KNEE! A German follows from our Japanese friend, and he rolls from the bridge position immediately in to a leglock! Goddamn I want to have this man's children! The ropes are quickly made, however, and I'm afraid I have to end my span of Hidaka love. Storm comes back with a neckbreaker and his version of a Gory Buster for two and follows up with a quick Northern lights for another nearfall. A German is attempted, but our heel lands on his heels, only to be dropkicked. The Quiet one thinks his opposition has been sent to the floor, but he's quickly proven wrong as Hidaka ambushes with a spinning heel kick! Take that, stupid babyface!

That pair exits the ring, allowing Daniels and Jose Maximo to take over for the next sequence. A Blue Thunder Bomb from Daniels gets two, and the STO cuts off a Maximo rally while simultaneously setting up a double jump moonsault. Joel saves on that nearfall, and he goes for a tornado DDT on Daniels, but it's countered by a big shoulder to the gut. However, Joe is undaunted and quickly jumps off the second rope with a swinging DDT for two. A frog splash follows, but Togo makes the same and takes over on the offensive with a powerslam and a faceplant for two before Jose is back in to things making another save. He gets a German on Togo for two, and a second nearfall comes off of a sitout powerbomb. Daniels is there to make the save, though, and he then collaborates with Togo to hit a 3D variant that sees Jose dropped in to a sitout facebuster instead of a Diamond Cutter. Oddly, after all of the nearfalls in the match, they DON'T go for a cover on that. Dick goes up (double entandre!) instead, but the Maximos cut him off and hit the Spanish Fly, with Togo landing very badly on his ankle and sustaining a legit injury that would force him to pull out of the rest of his US tour. Hidaka saves as Dick rolls out of the ring, only to have one of the Maximos dive out on to him. Meanwhile, Ikuto sends the other brother to the floor and follows him out with a rana. So now there's only two guys left in the ring after a really frantic sequence with everybody fighting. You know what that means, right? Right. Quiet Storm gets a rana on Daniels for two, but we know that's just a false hope spot. A snap mare from the Fallen Angel is turned immediately in to the Last Rites, and that secures victory for the heel team.

Match Thoughts: There's a very simple formula to this sort of six man. You have three different pairs of guys go at it in the early going, and then the babyfaces get a bit of offense. After that, you transition in to the face-in-peril/hot tag scenario. Finally, there's the hot finish where people are hitting big moves left and right before everything is capped off with one finisher. Even though it's a formula match, all six men involved here did a very good job of executing that formula. There was innovative offense galore from Hidaka and Togo, and there were no noticeably blown spots, which is really amazing given the experience level of the face team in this style of match. Everything was crisp and well-executed, though there could have been more in terms of psychology. For example, Storm's leg took a very good beating at one point, yet nobody tried to capitalize on it again after that. Overall, though, a very good effort. ***1/2

Match Numero Cuatro: Chris Candido w/ Tammy Sytch vs. Terry Funk

Here's a match between two former NWA Champions, one man who held it during its peak and one man who held it at the lowest point in its history. The two lock up to start, but that goes back in to the corner where a clean break is given. Lockup number two sees Funk steal an armdrag, and the two men crawl around on the mat while staring at each other. There's another lockup, which goes to the corner again. Candido gets a few shoulders in off of the break and attempts an Irish whip, but Terry hooks the top rope and POINTS TO HIS HEAD! That's our highspot so far, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, let's lock up again! They do, and hit the ropes. Then they lock up again and hit the ropes. Candido attempts a lariat, but Funk avoids it again. A collar and elbow tie up (aka another lockup) sees Terry score with some elbows before slapping on an abdominal stretch. The Blond Bombshell makes the ropes, but Funk rolls back and turns the hold in to a pinning predicament that segues in to a rather nice mat sequence with the two men fighting to be on top of each other. They eventually pop up and Terry gets a glancing jab before another staredown breaks out. The duo locks horns again, and Candido chops Funk on the ropes before tossing him clean out of the ring. The timekeeper is cleared from his table, and Funk gets his head slammed in to it from a variety of angles before being posted. The Funker is opened up as a result, and Candido tosses him in to the crowd for some forehead biting. It looks like we're going to go back in to the ring, but Funk . . . falls off the apron. Selling the blood loss or bad side effect of having a sixty year old man wrestle? You decide. Sytch earns her paycheck by choking grandpa with a towel. Funk does manage to climb back up on to the apron where Candido attempts to suplex him back in, but that move is reversed and the former WCW Cruiserweight Champion falls out to the arena floor. Things spill back in to the audience, and Funk piledrives his opposition down on to the brightly carpeted floor before taking him back in to the ring for a DDT. The two head outside again, and Funk chops away to direct Candido back to the entrance ramp, which the heel is promptly DDTed on. Terry then walks up through the entranceway, looking completely lost. He pops back out through the curtains and just sits down on the ramp for no apparent reason while Candido goes through the entranceway. He comes back out to drop a fist on Candido, then goes to the back one more time before FINALLY coming out with a ladder. Geez, people, learn to have your props set up in advance.

The men head back to the ring, where Funk picks up the ladder and . . . falls over. Candido gets two off of the old man's fall and then places him up on the top rope for a little superplex action. Funk headbutts him off, however, and the ladder somehow winds up wrapped around Candido's head, which is the perfect setup for Funk to run him face first in to the turnbuckle. The Funker then picks up the ladder and goes to drop it on Candido, but he miscalculates and drops it directly on the ropes instead, though Candido still sells the ladder coming within five feet of him. I suppose the anticipation of the pain hurts much more than the pain itself. Terry then applies the spinning toe hold, but he's quickly kicked off, and Candido takes control again with a vertical suplex. That sets up the swandive headbutt, which only gets two. Chris then goes for a second headbutt, this time off the top of the ladder, but he gets nothing but mat as Funk rolls out of the way and follows up with a series of jabs and the left cross. Candido is then Irish whipped and takes a BLATANT dive to the floor, but Tammy runs in before Funk can follow. She low blows the Hardcore Legend, which prompts a good Wrestling Vixxxens joke from Styles. However, Tammy doesn't dominate. Terry DDTs her and then proceeds to bit her ass, smearing his blood all over it in the process. Class-ay! Funk sets up for a piledriver on the valet, but Candido cuts that off with a chair. The Rude Awakening follows for the Bodydonna, and he brings in three chairs, setting up two and bridging them with the third. Before he can do anything with that, though, Funk is back up and slaps him around a bit before awkwardly setting up a neckbreaker that puts Candido through the chair bridge. The spinning toe hold is attempted again, and Candido gets out of it a second time. Funk applies the hold yet again, and this time Chris reverses it in to a small package, but Terry shifts his weight and turns that in to his own cradle to get the three count and win the match. The New York crowd is happy, but Candido is not, and he piledrives Funk after the bell in order to get his revenge.

Match Thoughts: This looked so incredibly slow in comparison to the first two matches and was simply not good at all. Perhaps even more disappointing was the fact that Funk was one of Candido's idols, and I'm sure that he would have liked to have had a much better match against him. In addition to the snail's pace, there was just far too much standing or walking around in between spots as opposed to transition wrestling, particularly in that downright embarrassing incident where nobody could find the ladder. It was pretty obvious that they were attempting to go for a more old school approach in which they would play to the crowd more and attempt to build up heat to cover for the obvious shortcomings of both men, but that is very difficult to do in a situation where there's no backstory to make the crowd care about the bout. *

Match Numero Cinco: Steve Corino vs. Vampiro vs. The Sandman in a New York Street Fight

Does somebody want to tell me why this match gets special billing as a street fight? What was the last match, a scientific classic? Things like this just make no sense to me. This starts off as a one on one match between Vampiro and Corino, with Corino working the mic to kick things off. He accuses Vampiro of sitting at home and cashing Ted Turner's checks while Corino was at home busting his ass. ECW is dead, the King of Old School says, and it was the fans who killed it. Vampiro takes the mic and says a bunch of stuff that isn't actually picked up between his quiet voice and the poor audio system, so I'll just pretend that he was giving us a nice recipe for quiche. The bell rings, and the two men dance around, but "Enter Sandman" immediately begins to play as we're joined by the Dennis Leary of professional wrestling. The originally scheduled duo cut him off with a double superkick, and the ring announcer lets us know that this match has officially been made in to a three way dance. By whom I don't actually know, but I'm not going to argue with the ring announcer here. Vamp and Steve continue to pound away on the Sandman, but the two quickly turn on each other, as Vampiro kicks the former ECW Champion out of the ring. He gets the Nail in the Coffin on Sandman and looks to finish early, but Corino is back in to attack and get his own two count on the Hardcore Icon. We're reduced to some pretty boring, basic level brawling between all three men, which spills to the outside, where Vampiro dominates Corino before shooting him back in to the ring. Corino gets a low knee from the Juggalo, and they head back to the floor where Steve takes over by whipping Vampiro in the rails. Sandman interjects himself in to the brawl, and the three head up the aisleway, where Vampiro suplexes Sandy on the entrance ramp. Corino goes to piledrive Vamp on the floor, but Mr. Canadiense turns it in to a backdrop down on to the ramp before taking over on the Sandman again. Vamp recovers the ever popular Singaporean cane and uses it on both of his opponents, and Corino looks to take back over with a chair, only to receive a Vamp Daminator for his trouble. The undead dude continues his dominance on Sandman with a lariat but stops to jaw with one of the fans at ringside, allowing the beer swiller to come back with some of his own cane shots. He takes a big swing at Corino, but it's ducked and followed up with a superkick.

Corino then goes to the outside to recover his chair, but Vampiro baseball slides it in to his face, drawing blood. While Steve recovers, a Vampiro kick on Sandman gets two, and he then swings his own chair down on to the barbed wire fiend. Meanwhile, Corino places a chair in the corner and looks to whip Sandman in to it, but that is reversed and Vampiro steals two after Corino cracks his skull. Sandman is right there with a DDT on Vampiro as soon as he stands up, and he then hangs Corino out to dry on the top rope before climbing to the top and knocking him off with a guillotine legdrop. That only gets two due to a Vampiro save, and the Misfits' worst enemy comes off of the top rope with a big spinning heel kick on Corino, but it also only gets two. Sandman was on the outside taking advantage of his free time by sliding a piece of guardrail and four chairs in to the ring. Looks like it's fort building time. Meanwhile, Corino gets a running Yakuza kick on Vampiro in the corner and follows with a series of boot rakes before running in with one more kick to the man's pasty face. Sandman takes over on Corino, however, suplexing him on to the previous mentioned guardrail, but Vampiro is right back up to uranagi Sandman in to oblivion. That gets two, and Corino is back up to take both men out of commission, buying himself enough time to bridge the guardrail across four chairs. The Sandman attacks him, however, and Corino gets suplerplexed down on to his own trap. Sandman took a pretty nasty bump on to the back of his head, though, and that prompts Vampiro to hit the ring and cover him for a three count. The match continues, so apparently this one is under the old ECW three way dance rules. Rather than continuing his assault on Corino, Vampiro proves that he's a true gentleman by helping the referee clear the ring of debris but then completely dashes that image by flipping off the fan that's been on his case all night. When action resumes, a backdrop gets two on Corino, as does a low headbutt. Vampiro then applies a waistlock, but his opponent elbows out and hits a discus punch for two. Coming off of the ropes, Vampiro attempts a rana, but Steve turns that in to a powerbomb for another nearfall, which is in turn reversed in to a sunset flip for two. Vampiro kicks away for the next two count in the series. He's up and charges, but Corino catches him with the Old School Expulsion. Steve charges now, and he meets Vampiro's boot and is take down with another uranagi for two. Vamp goes and yells at his rival fan AGAIN, and this is just reaching the level of unprofessional. Corino is placed on the top rope, and it looks like Vampiro wants to Diamond Cut him off, but Steve takes control with a few strikes and hits his own version of the move from the second rope for the pin!

Match Thoughts: They just had to interject the Sandman, didn't they? Seriously, a straight wrestling match between Corino and Vampiro probably would have been much better than what we actually got, which was a fairly disjointed and sloppy performance from most everybody involved. Vampiro just didn't seem like he wanted to be there for the most part, the Sandman is a good deal past his prime, and Corino just wasn't able to salvage the whole thing. Hardcore is dead, ladies and gentlemen, and this is just the match to prove it. *1/4

Match Numero Seis: Taiyo Kea vs. Sabu w/ Bill Alfonso

They both shoot for each other's legs in the early going, but nobody is successful. Eventually they just lock up, and Sabu cradles Kea off of that but decides to turn it in to a leg submission instead of actually going for the pinfall. Kea quickly makes the ropes, and the two lock up again upon returning to a vertical base. The Hawiian native grabs a headlock takedown, which Sabu turns in to a headscissors, only to have Kea kip out. The Arabian then decides to destroy the whole technical deal they had going on, taking over with some punches, but Kea will have none of it, as he responds with chops and a European uppercut before pummeling the ECW mainstay in the corner. Sabu blocks a lariat and gets his own for our first two count, and he follows up with a slingshot legdrop for another nearfall. Kea rolls out as a result of that one, and he sidesteps a baseball slide kick before sending Sabu in to the rail. Kea then hits a pescado and gets a nearfall off of a back elbow on the inside. The sharpshooter follows, but Fonzie assists his charge in making the ropes. Sabu is tossed to the outside, but a second pescado attempt misses as Joey speculates that Kea might have landed badly on his leg. Nothing actually comes of that, mind you. Sabu sends his opponent in to the rail and the audience and then stands around in the ring shouting for entirely too long before the Fonz FINALLY gets him a chair. A double jump dive in to the crowd follows, though it barely makes any sort of contact. Fonzie and Sabu then attempt to set up a table on the outside, but the legs break off of the thing and essentially render it useless. Again with the poor props. Kea is able to ambush as a result of this, and he sends Sabu face (well, arm actually) first in to the table before climbing up to the top rope. He is crotched, however, and Sabu DDTs him off of the top rope and in to the ring. The move gets two despite not looking nearly as impressive as it could have. Sabu has another chair, and he just tosses this one directly in to Kea's face to set up Air Sabu. Taiyo's throat lands on the edge of the chair coming down for the bump, and Sabu lands a big kick on him for two. The former Human Highlight Reel then tries for the triple jump moonsault, but Kea grabs his leg and sends him face first in to the chair.

A Van Keanator follows, and a Blue Thunder Bomb from the All Japan star gets two, as does a snap suplex. He climbs to the top rope and is cut off again, this time with Sabu getting a top rope rana as well as a springboard dropkick for a nearfall. Kea heads out again, and this time Sabu's baseball slide connects, allowing him enough time to bridge the apron and the guardrail with the defective table from earlier. Kea is put in to place, and Sabu legdrops him through the furniture, getting two once the various mangled bodies have been returned to the ring. The triple jump moonsault is attempted again and connects this time, netting Sabu another two. Kea comes back with a rana out of nowhere, however, and he stomps down on the chair as Sabu attempts to pick it up for his own use. That'll break a finger. A slick series of kicks capped off with an enzuguri gets two for Kea, and he places him in to a fireman's carry before Alfonso provides a distraction. Sabu is able to toss another chair in to Kea's face as a result, and he stomps away while the Fonz puts himself in to the tree of woe and holds a chair to be kicked in to Kea's face. It looked rather weak but gets two anyway, and Sabu clamps on the camel clutch. He releases it rather quickly, though, and charges directly in to the Hawiian Crush (TKO) from Kea. A second Crush follows, and then Kea lifts him one more time, this one being the Hawaii 5-O, which gets him a three count and the number one contendership.

Match Thoughts: Hellooooo style clash. I suppose that's one of the risk of running MLW's "hybrid" gimmick, though. They smartly had Kea try to work down to Sabu's level instead of the other way around, even though Taiyo was still able to show flashes of what makes him a star in Japan. Unfortunately, though, this wound up just being another tepid hardcore match in a series of them, complete with cliches that we've seen five thousand times before and props that wouldn't cooperate. Didn't they listen to Corino's promo about ECW being dead? *1/2, mainly based on Kea's work.

Match Numero Siete: Satoshi Kojima vs. Jerry Lynn for the MLW World Heavyweight Championship

Well, hopefully this will finally get us off the hardcore streak if nothing else. We start, as you might expect, with a lockup. Kojima gets an armbar, which is reversed before the two men begin trading hammerlocks. Eventually Kojima clamps on a headlock, which Lynn rolls in to a cross arm breaker before the ropes are made. The headlock/shoulderblock sequence is next, with Koji on the winning side of things. JL follows with an armdrag, but he misses a legdrop en route to Kojima getting a rolling senton. He didn't get all of it, though, so Lynn is able to pop up quickly and drop an elbow before the two face off. Satoshi gets a snap mare next, and he clamps on a brief chinlock before Lynn elbows out and runs the ropes, only to be taken down by a drop toe hold. The STF is applied by Kojima as a result, but the ropes are made. Kojima stays on him with some stomps, and we go to the corner for some chopping. Satoshi responds to the crowd's "whooo's" with a few of his own, but the showboating allows Jerry to rally and send him in to the turnbuckle. Lynn gets a series of his own chops, but Kojima goes to the eyes and pummels his opposition in the corner. A side slam is next for Koji, and that gets two. He drops two elbows to follow up before landing a vertical suplex for another nearfall. A second rope elbow misses, however, and Jerry Lynn is able to take over with a flurry of punches and three lariats, but Kojima just isn't going down. Lynn does manage to reverse a slam in to an inverted DDT, however, and that manages to get two for him. He's sent in to the corner after that, though, and Satoshi rocks him with a corner clothesline and a running forearm on the opposite side of the ring. The second rope elbow is attempted again and hits this time, getting two. Kojima is up and removes the elbow pad, prepping for the Lariat that was taught to him by Stan Hansen, but it misses and Lynn fights for a German suplex that eventually hits. He doesn't bridge but rolls over in to a lateral press, which only gets two. When both men have recovered, Kojima runs straight in to a boot, and Lynn jumps off of the second rope with a swinging DDT for another two count. The Koji Cutter is attempted not long after, but Lynn shoves his opponent off in to the ropes, only to be caught with a Rydeen bomb for a nearfall. Kojima charges now, and he too is caught, this time with a TKO from Lynn that gets two. Jerry signals for the cradle piledriver, but Satoshi reverses it in to a back body drop and gets a Michinoku Driver for two yet again. Lynn staggers to his feet, and he's hit with the lariat! That's it, as Kojima coves for three and the championship.

After the match, the new champ informs us that he loves tempura, sushi, karaoke . . . and New York City. Awwwww.

Match Thoughts: This seemed like something that would have come off a lot better in front of a larger, hotter crowd. Though you can't really fault the men for their efforts here, the tiny audience made this seem like a pretty mundane match, refusing to pop for the big stuff. Technically speaking, it was again just a match of two men trading moves back and forth, but it beats out the first two matches on the card because this time there were at least solid, reasonable transitions between the mens' respective turns on offense. Furthermore, it didn't seem like Lynn and Kojima were out there to do a match for a major championship, which is what the title was being put over as. It was a good match, but it wasn't the sort of GREAT match that you really need in order to establish a title. I really wanted to like this one, but that combined with the flat crowd took it down several pegs. **1/4

Final Thoughts

Despite a lot of hype on the internet at the time of its debut, I really wasn't all that impressed with MLW. They had a good core of talent on this show, but the matches were poorly made, as better combinations of the talent would have made for much better matches. Things looked to be building nicely in the beginning, but the streak of lousy garbage matches in the middle just bogged things down and never allowed the show to recover. The six man tag was obviously the highlight, but there are numerous other matches that serve the exact same purpose and have the added bonus of being on better shows. Take a pass on this one and see if you can find a lineup from the company that suits your own personal tastes a little better.