Truth B Told 8.31.06: Battle Of Los Angeles Preview
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 08.31.2006
When you write your own column, you get to pimp whoever you want…that’s right bitches!!
It's a little odd to be at a brand new job this week. So far I've been here for 3 whole days and my job description has changed 3 times. Depending on who you ask, either I'm 2nd in command at my new department, or I'm supposed to be asking people if they want me to dust before I take out their recycle bins. Man, its a lot like working here at 411…except I'm definitely supposed to dust before I empty Csonka's trash. Well this week on TBT we get a little bit self indulgent and narrowly focused as we preview the Pro Wrestling Guerrilla "2006 Battle of Los Angeles". Now I know that Byers already did a preview some weeks ago. I commend Ryan on his foresight in pimpin' this up and coming tournament and he did a pretty good job in his preview. That however was a mere appetizer to the entré that you're about to get served.
I think its well documented that I've been a PWG supporter for the better part of a year now and I'm glad to see other guys coming on board the HOOOOO Train…I mean… bandwagon. Guys like Brad Garoon have been reviewing PWG DVD's for sometime now and I'm going to make the statement that right now Pro Wrestling Guerrilla is the biggest Indy fed on the West Coast. Is it the RoH of the West?? Well we'll find out after this year's BoLA. The reason that I'm dedicating a whole article to the 2006 edition of BoLA is that right now it stands to be the single biggest tournament of 2006 and has probably the best collection of talent on the Indy circuit… possibly throughout all of wrestling. I'm not even exaggerating. Say what you want about Wrestlemania, but pound for pound I doubt you'll find a better selection of talent and diversification of talent in one place this year. Don't believe me? Then eat a D*ck!! Or…just keep reading. Either/or. *By the way, despite my suggestion they decided not to name the dedicated website to the tournament "www.eBoLA.com"... I mean, I thought that would be pretty damn sick*
Background
last year's inaugural BoLA featured a field of 16 participants including: Super Dragon, Jack Evans, El Generico, Frankie Kazarian, Ricky Reyes, Joey Ryan, Scott Lost, Davey Richards, AJ Styles, American Dragon, Quicksilver, Christopher Daniels, Kevin Steen, Ricky Reyes, Rocky Romero, James Gibson, and the eventual tournament winner Chris Bosh. The two night tournament also featured TJ "Puma" Perkins, Nosawa, Kikutaro, and Samoa Joe amongst others. It was a star studded affair and a rousing success in just about everyone's eyes. The tournament featured many RoH stars, X-Division TNA stars, the soon to be WWE re-bound and current RoH champ Jamie Noble, and some local stars who would soon get a little more East Coast exposure in the coming year.
The win went to Chris Bosh, who at the time was becoming one of the most over wrestlers in all of PWG. Bosh at the time spent the majority of his time at PWG and was a relative unknown to outsider prior to the tournament. The only problem with his tournament win was that while his momentum was never higher, PWG failed to capitalize on his popularity and subsequently decided to have him lose several high profile matches in the coming months, including two title shots. Sad. But that doesn't take away from the fact that he was the "Danny Daniels" of the inaugural BoLA. Wait...who the hell is Danny Daniels again?
Comparisons
Everyone has heard of the Ted Petty Invitational. Such past winenrs include: Danny Daniels *oh hey, that's who that is*, AJ Styles, and Matt Sydal. This year's tournament is set for the end of this month and the participants include: Here is the tournament field: Scott Lost, Scorpio Sky, B-Boy, Cannon, Hero, Strong, Steen, El Generico, Davey Richards, Cabana, Ricochet, Delirious, Davis, Chris Bosh, Low-Ki, Quackenbush, Hallowicked, Jigsaw, Castagnoli, M-Dogg 20, Ricky Reyes, Erick Stevens, and Gran Akuma. Pretty impressive. I see alot of PWG and Chikara influence. My only problem here is...no Dragons. I mean, between PWG and Chikara they have at least 18 dragons. No Retail Dragon, Wholesale Dragon, Dragon McDragonstein, Flaming Dragon, Last Dragon, or Dr. Dre-gon. And am I wrong or is Riccochet that cartoon from Mucha Lucha? That is some bullshit. I don't know how the Flea or Snowpea got screwed, but it's all politics backstage.
CZW also has their Best of the Best tournament each year, although its pretty much just their regular roster. International Wrestling Cartel has their Super Indy Tournament on a smaller scale. The same thing with ECWA and their Super 8 tournament. Ari would sick his RoHbot army of emo-bots on me if I didn't mention RoH's Survival of the Fittest tournament. The Jeff Peterson Memorial Cup also regularly features great Indy talent. Also more Delirious...in fact...is there a tournament Delirious hasn't been involved in? Chikara Tag Grand Prix, Shimmer's Survival of the Sexiest, Dancing with the Stars, the 2006 National Spelling Bee?? "Mr. Delirious, your word is... Juxtaposition" .."A say yash sarrar snakes snakes muthafucka".
Bottomline is that in the past few years we've seen alot of great Indy tournaments. Heck, even TNA has brought us the X-Cup and World X-Cup, and the WWE brought back King of the Ring. Too bad ‘Brawl for it all" hasn't also made it's triumphant return. It would be alot easier to write out Smackdown guys with "legit" injuries than just suspend them for violating the "Wellness" program. Plus...who wants to see if Khali can really knock out Funaki in a shoot fight with a chop to the head? Or, you know, maybe Khali just eats that poor mutha right there in the ring. Tandoori Prison matches are XXXtreme.
BoLA 2006a
This year PWG brought back BoLA and decided to up the ante and feature an extra 8 wrestlers to the tournament. It is now a 3 day tournament taking place this weekend aned featuring 24 participants. Right now this is PWG's finest hour as they have the opportunity to become THE West Coast Indy fed to end all West Coast Indy feds. In some cases that would actually be a good thing. For some reason paying $15 to see a guy named El Grande Espectaculo wrestle Hamster Negro and "Funky Town" Franky Towns just seems like maybe you need ratchet down the wrasslin' habit a bit. Although who can deny Hamster Negro, that man has a way of just burrowing straight into your heart...through your rectum, if you're not careful.
Right now the cost of a ticket to one of the 3 nights is either a mere $25 or a whopping $25 depending on how you look at it. Considering I just got my swank new job, that's a mere pittance for a man of my enormous financial stature, however considering I have a strip club habit to feed and an addiction to the smell of Victoria's Secret lotion liberally applied to the backside of large breasted white women...well...its actually more the second one. The problem here with BoLA is that with 24 participants, plus the 8 or 10 extra guys wrestling on the cards money is tight. For PWG to turn a profit they need to sell out all 400 tickets as well as do some serious DVD sales. I think that's what they were counting on when they pulled together the roster as you'll see...
The Participants
You really gotta check out the Brackets for yourself as they are amazing. The card features:
On Night One
Colt Cabana (RoH) vs Disco Machine (PWG) El Generico (PWG) vs Delirious (RoH) CIMA (Dragon Gate) vs M-Dogg 20 (JAPW) Kevin Steen (PWG/CZW) vs Matt Sydal (RoH) Quicksilver (PWG) vs Dragon Kid (Dragon Gate) Chris Sabin (TNA) vs Roderick Strong (RoH Tag Champ)
On Night Two
TJ "Puma" Perkins (PWG/TNA) vs Davey Richards (PWG/RoH) Bryan Danielson (RoH double champ) vs Austin Aries (RoH Tag Champ) Jack Evans (RoH) vs Claudio Castagnoli (RoH/CZW/Chikara) Genki Horiguchi (DG)vs Chris Hero (CZW Champ/Chikara) Super Dragon (PWG/CZW) vs Necro Butcher (CZW/IC Unit) Scorpio Sky (PWG) vs Frankie Kazarian (TNA)
Plus a special 8 man tag champ including two "Mystery wrestlers". Kane? Larry Sweeney? Judy Bagwell?? A ring full of muthafuckin' SNAKES???? Who knows? Oh, the bookers. That's right. Well as you can see this is an extremely impressive line up from all of the WORLD, not just the US indy scene. Right now the tournament features multiple champions from all of the country and past winners of previous tournaments including the TPI, Jeff Peterson Memorial Cup, Super 8 Tournament, and Chikara Tag Team Grand Prix. Not to mention ... Delirious. He'll be taking time off from competing in the upcoming season of "Survivor" where teams are being split up by race. Delirious is on the African American team. Who knew? Apparently he's related to rappers "Ludacris" and "Bizarre". Clearly from another mother. Right now from top to bottom with the exception of maybe two or three guys, sorry Disco, Quick, and TJ, just about any of these guys could legitimately win this tournament. Although the way the brackets are set up make it harder for some guys to make it to the final ‘Elimination 3-way' everyone has a pretty damn good chance. Unlike when they include the entire cruiserweight roster into the Royal Rumble. I mean, seriously what is the chance Scotty 2 Hotty is making it to the final 4? How exactly is "The Worm" going to eliminate someone? Are they going to eliminate themselves out of embarrassment? Clearly some brackets are different than others as you have the "Comedy Bracket" on night one. The "CZW Bracket" on night two, and somewhere in between is a mixed bag. Which is also what I call Lita. What the hell is she anyways? I mean what kind of nationality is ‘Dumass'? Oh...Dum-AS.
I'm going to go into a very quick breakdown of the field of 24 and my thoughts on each of them in 50 words or less. Or better yet...hand signs and crayon drawings. Hell I'll even handicap it for all of you with a gambling addiction, and you know who you are:
Colt Cabana - The man has been nothing but comedy in PWG but he'll make it at least to the quarter finals. The "flying asshole" is one of the greatest moves in history. And no, Teddy Hart didn't already copyright that name. 10 –1 Odds
Disco Machine - Scott 2 Hotty. ‘Nuff said. 100 – 1 Odds
El Generico - PWG's unofficial MVP has done nothing but put on great matches in 2006. He lost in his previous encounter to Delirious so perhaps a ‘receipt' is in order. Or not, I'm just looking forward to the pre-match promos. 10 – 1 Odds.
Delirious - Making his PWG debut chances are he'll job. For some reason that's like status quo. But then again if he can make it past El Generico and Colt Cabana in the usual comedy matches he's one CIMA away from the finals. That being said: 20 –1 Odds.
CIMA - Is he still the top guy in Dragons Gate or not? I guess that depends on who you ask. I asked CIMA's mom. She said "Susumu Yokosuka". Damn, that bitch is Cold Blooded. Still I can't believe a DG guy won't be in the finals. Why else do you fly them over? 3 –1 Odds.
M Dogg 20 - So far I've seen him wrestle twice. He's like an older slightly heavier version of Sydal, kind of. I believe he's about 4'14" if I'm not mistaken. 50 –1 odds.
Kevin Steen - Former PWG champ got killed by Super Dragon and hasn't been the same. Still a big fan favorite, but hasn't been getting a bit enough push to warrant great odds. Seriously underated worker when he's serious. 15 – 1 Odds.
Matt Sydal - Crazy little spot monkey #1. He won the TPI, so he's legit. He also is super tiny. If the guy was a watermelon, he'd cost about $23. And that's out of season. 20 – 1 Odds.
Quicksilver - Spot Monkey numerous dos. The guy is solid, sometimes spectacular, but gives his all. Too bad he's also a constant mid-carder. If he went over Dragon Kid in the first round it would be rid-frickin-diculous. 50 – 1 Odds.
Dragon Kid - High flyer and crowd favorite this guy has the chance to go about as far as any of the DG guys. A win of in the 1st round seems certain and a probable match up with Roderick Strong could get him to the semi's. Too bad he'll probably run into Davey Richards who is one of the favorites. 10 – 1 Odds.
Chris Sabin - He was once pushed as the man to dethrone Joey Ryan as the PWG champ, now he's gettin' the TNA treatment in SoCal. If he makes it past Strong and Dragon Kid, he won't make it past Davey or Danielson. 15 –1 Odds.
Roderick Strong - He's the steak. He might meet DK's sizzle in round 2, but beyond that I doubt we'll see him in the 3-way. 20 –1 Odds.
Davey Richards - One of 2 odds on favorites and probably THE favorite of most PWG fans. He's on a RoH-LL as of late so his winning the tournament seems very possible. Then again he's just as likely to be screwed over by the PWG heel champ and feud with him after so his odds are at best: 3 – 1.
TJ Perkins - Funaki in the Royal Rumble. Watch out for the big head chop TJ. If he would have kept up the "Pinoy Boy" moniker I could slide him up a notch...oh well. 50 –1 Odds.
American Dragon - Gabe won't be happy if the double champ doesn't show well. So he has a chance, albeit not a good one. 7 –1 Odds.
Austin Aries - He's been "Macho" Aries in PWG as of late. But the man is still one of the top Indy wrestlers around, he's a bonafied STARR!! 15 – 1 Odds.
Claudio Castagnoli - This King of Wrestling is probably just here for a good tag team match on the 3rd night, sad to say because the guy oozes talent and charisma. 15 – 1 Odds.
Jack Evans - El Spot Monkey Supreme. Last year he was out early, but with some extra Puro seasoning...who knows? Evans vs Genki would be alot of fun. 20 – 1 Odds.
Chris Hero - The more likely KoW to go to the finals. 2nd best chance in his bracket in my opinion. 8 –1 Odds.
Genki Horiguchi - Oh Hage...at least you'll have some fun on night 3's tag war. 20 – 1 Odds.
Super Dragon - Uh...he owns part of PWG. Plus he's a former champ. Plus he's super over in PWG. One of the few true a-hole ‘tweeners to always get a major face pop. That being said, an ‘owner' should never win their own tourney. Hear that Jarrett?? 8 – 1 Odds.
Necro Butcher - Neck Bone Butcher is here for one thing and one thing alone, the no DQ battle with Super Dragon in the 1st round. I'm afraid he'll beat me up for beer money after night 2. I really am. 25 – 1 Odds.
Scorpio Sky - Another favorite to win this whole thing as he was the first participant announced and seems to be groomed for a big top heel run once Joey Ryan loses the title. He's a little sizzle, a little steak. But he's not quite there yet. 3 – 1 Odds.
Frankie Kazarian - He did let Sky cut his pony tail, so maybe he sold it for a PWG title run. Just not a BoLA win. 15 – 1 Odds.
So who does TBT think is going to take it this year? Well let's take a look at my picks to make it to the 2nd round: Colt Cabana, El Generico, CIMA, Sydal, Dragon Kid, Roderick Strong, Davey Richards, Am Drag, Jack Evans, Hero, Necro, Scorpio Sky.
Next I see Colt, CIMA, Dragon Kid, Davey, Hero, and Sky making it to the semi's.
The finals should be CIMA, Davey, and....Scorpio Sky.
And the winner....CIMA. Who is the least likely to win but...gotta keep it up for the yellow man. Keep your Puro Pimp hand strong (style) playa!!
The Truth
This whole column seemed like one long advertisement for BoLA and PWG didn't it? Well it was. I'm tired of seeing all the great line ups that happen on the East Coast and all the great tournaments in the Mid-West. Now SoCal gets it's chance to shine. If you are in a 4 hour drive radius of Reseda, CA you owe it to yourself to attend this show. There are roughly 50 to 100 tickets left. I'm actually just guessing, so who knows? Maybe 200 left, maybe 2. Bottomline is that you need to get to the PWG website and buy your tickets. For everyone who complains about Vince and Shane monopolizing RAW, for those of you who are sick of widows become heels, and Mike Knox....welll, just Mike Knox. You owe it to yourself to find out a little more about the talented wrestlers roaming the Indy circuit in relative obscurity. I defy anyone to show me a more tightly packed card with as much pure wrestling talent as the 2006 Battle of Los Angeles. And yes, Mud wrestling counts...daddy has his stack of singles and has time to kill Labor Day Night.
Coming Up Short
Paul Heyman was in the main event on ECW this week. Just think about that for a second. Instead of pushing some new feuds or actually having Rene Dupree or Shannon Moore debut. They decide to have Paul Heyman "wrestle". I don't even know what to do anymore. It looks like Bobcore Holly and Big Show are going to be at the top of the new ECW heel roster and RVD and Sabu will be the OG loyalist under dogs. Something is soooo wrong about that. As bad as it is to see Vince and Shane all over RAW, now Paul E. is in the main event? Damn, well so long as Teddy Long stays outta the Batista/Booker feud at least Smackdown won't be coming up short.
6 Degrees of…
Greg Pryor Seriously, after this week I'm cracking down. One person and person only for the winner. However, this week I throw Greg a bone *wink* and let him go end zone to end zone:
Ahhhh the King of Kings is back on his throne! (NB That doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to marry Bayani's daughter and hold the rest of you fellow 6D0 guys down for the rest of your natural lives though!) I did want to do a snake style 6DO, but the snakes on a plane degree has been done before so I was thinking about other reptiles...you know
lizards...aligators...crocodiles..THATS IT!
In 6 degrees....link everyones favourite Aligator man Skinner From the Florida everglades...to...everyones favourite wise cracking croc killer Mick Dundee from down in Walkabout Creek Oz...Thats not a degree...THATS A DEGREE!
B do you need pictures or do you sort that out?
Also am I allowed to enter on my own 6DO suggestion?
Dude...what the hell? Skinner? Not even Lynnard? Oh and of course you can enter...you just can't win. Or place....or show. Or...I don't know anymore horse racing terms so...whatever. Oh and I think I can find a picture some place....like....
Heh heh...someone make a dick joke for me. That's just too damn easy. Anyhow off you go on your wild 6 degreed adventure in the outback. Oh and by the way...you can only use one other Australian as a degree and so help me if some moron writes me with a "Crocodile Dundee was from Australia supposedly, as was Skinner". Woe be to he who sends in such a slackassed degree. Serious Woe. Like...WOE!!
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
Mostly 6DO entries, but a fellow 411-ite Stu Carapola writes in Hey Bayani,
I was reading your column, and the PPV porno game had me pissing myself, especially Hard Justice and Bound And Gagged For Glory. Great stuff. Also glad to see I'm not the only Asia Carrera fan on the site. Oh, and you're not the Randy Orton of the site: you're good at what you do. Maybe if you went around killing Scott Keith, Rick Scaia, and Don Becker...
BTW, I agree on not rushing the title onto Joe, I think too many people
are saying "He's the next big thing, put the title on him NOW NOW NOW!!!!" and "This sucks, Joe's not champion yet, they're totally ruining his career." It amazes me how some people will blast a company for doing a hotshot title in on a fresh, undefeated face, because there's always the chance that when he does finally lose, he will never recover. You know, like Goldberg. Even going back to when Joe was the ROH Champion for almost two years, people were wondering how they were ever going to get the belt off of him and make it believable. Even with the strong way in which Aries finally beat him for the title, people weren't accepting of him since he was the guy who took the belt from Joe, although Joe was still so far over with the ROH fans that it didn't hurt him very much.
Gotta run, but just wanted to give my personal thumbs up on the column.
Later.
Stu
Seriously, porn and wrestling go hand in hand like smoking weed with 14 year old girls in the back of a white unmarked van and a Hardy boy....named Jeff. There are so many more porn titles that could be PPV's. I left out some good ones like: Destination G-Spot, Vaginal Road, G-String Stampede, Holed Out...the list just goes on and one. Plus, if I could ever goad Keith into lettin' me a segment with his daughter I'd totally hit him with the BKO. I'm glad someone finally agrees that Joe could use a bit more seasoning and still has plenty of feuds left before his eventual title run. Hell I'm still waiting for Daniels to get a shot. I'm assuming I'll be waiting a long time however. Matt Adamson talks porn. I'm always willing to oblige.
Woah there Bayani. I just can't understand how you manage to NOT see
how pornorific SummerSLAM and SLAMmiversary are. I mean, come ON! haha. Summerslam is obvious. Bunch of Bikini babes getting laid down on the beach by a guy who's GOAL it is to screw every girl that frequents said beach. Slammiversary is clearly about an experimenting couple, who want to get SLAMMED in 3somes 4somes etc. It's their FIRST ANNIVERSARY FOR GOODNESS SAKES! Time to experiment. Am I right or am I right? Yes... I'm right. Getting Slammed doesn't only mean getting drunk anymore. Especially not where I come from at least. hehe GA! I said
"come"
Matt
Well Clearly anything with the word "slam" is porny, but is it porny enough to satisfy even the most prolific of porn purveyors? Perhaps not. Cum to think of it...heh heh...I have to disagree with the "anniversary" part. That's no time to experiement, the time to experiement is after you get the chick drunk enough to not care about why her ear is all sticky and there's a dead hooker in the hotel bathroom under a live donkey. Am I right? Probably not, but that's why pencil's have erasers Matt....because you gotta get that shit out of her ear somehow.
"6 Degrees of….", Results.
Greg Pryor wants to hot the 6DO spot light yet again...
Wonder how a BHPLT would go down at a Barmitzvah buffet?
Anyway dude here's my entry for this week...old blue eyes is a pain in
the
ass!
1)Frank Sinatra starred in the original film the Manchurian Candidate
2)This film was re-made in 2004, the lead role played by Denzel
Washington
3)Denzel Washington played boxer Rubin Carter in the movie the Hurricane
4)The Hurricane was a superhero in the wwe played by Gregory Helms
5)Helms once held the world tag titles with Kane
6)Kanes "wife" Lita had a baby on the way and lost it in an altrication
during a match with Gene Snitsky.
1)Frank Sinatra sang a song called That Old Black Magic
2)Black Magic was alledgedly performed by the Black Scorpion in the ill
fated WCW angle.
3)During a match with Sting the black Scorpion was unveiled to be Ric
Flair
4)Ric Flair was defeated at Taboo Tuesday 2004 by Randy Orton
5)Randy Orton has recently had problems with Jerry the King Lawler
6)Jerry Lawler was beaten by Bret Hart in a kiss my foot match a person
whose gimmick involves obsession with feet is Gene Snitsky
1)Gene Snitsky has been recently teaming up with Val Venis
2)Val Venis lost the European Championship to Kurt Angle (Feb 2000)
3)Kurt Angle claimed to be the first ever Euro continental Champion
4)It was in fact D-Lo Brown, who won his first Euro title beating HHH
5)HHH was not with out a belt for long as some weeks later he beat the
Rock in the ladder match as Summerslam 1998.
6)Summerslam that year was held in MSG New York, New York New York is a
song by Frank Sinatra
Well he better come with some entries since it was his own damn 6 degrees. Oh and for reference the BHPLT was an inside joke about the Bacon, Ham, Pork chop, Lettuce, and Tomato sandwich. Its basically the same thing as a cross for Jewish vampires. Hmmm...is Fertig Hebrew?
Carlos Waller missed a degree or two, he also mentions old blue eyes and the man who makes me wanna punch anyone who ever says, "I did it all for the nookie" again just one more f***ing time:
Here's your 6 degrees from Frank Sinatra to Snitsky. It really wasn't that hard
1) Frank Sinatra did a duet with Bono on the CD "Duets"
2) Bono appeared on the What's Going On tribute album along with Fred Durst
3) Fred Durst sang at Wrestlemania 19, which also fetured Chris Jericho
4) Chris Jericho was part of the Survivor Series 2004 main event with Snitsky
Yikes...between Durst and Jericho, Snitksy had the best voice.
Honorable Mention
Mark Satrang submits his 6DO entries like I submit my columns to Csonka. Heh...sorry Csonk...I blame this damn "borrowed" WiFi.
B--
Damn, almost forgot about 6D this week. Good thing I'm not doing a whole lot at work today.
Snitsky to Frank...
1) One of Sinatra's most famous tracks was "Love and Marriage," which was used as the theme song to Married...With Children, starring the famous Bundy family...
2) The Bundys' ringleader, Al Bundy, was played by Ed O'Neill, who also had a recurring role as Gov. Baker on The West Wing, a kick-ass show that saw guest appearances by Danica McKellar...
3) Danica, now all grown up and hot, was once Winnie Cooper on The Wonder Years, a show that also starred Jason Hervey...
4) Hervey had a couple year relationship with wrestling favorite "ring rat" Missy Hyat...
5) Missy claims that she and Hervey broke up because of Eric Bischoff, Hervey's close friend...
6) Bischoff was responsible in storyline terms for bringing Snitsky in the WWE, signing him for his first TV match against Kane and later using him as one of his anti-ECW crusaders...
Nice try, but something can be said for punctuality Marky Mark. I wonder if Missy ever got sandwich by the Bisch and Hervey? Odds: 3 – 1.
#3
Jeremy Sexton was a few degrees short, but still had a damn good entry.
Now, I haven't been reading the column long enough to know whether this is appropriate or not, but I can connect Snitsky to Sinatra in less than 6.
Gene Snitsky's first notable feud was with Kane
Kane's first and only WWE Title win came against Stone Cold Steve Austin
Stone Cold Steve Austin was featured in a song by Jim Johnston entitled "Stone Cold Steve Austin"
Jim Johnston released that song on Cherry Lane Music, the same company that published "My Sweet Lady" by... Frank Sinatra
I take that first comment to mean you've never surfed the internet prior to last week because had you, I don't see how you could have missed the buzz about TBT all over the ‘interweb', as the kids call it these days. ‘Stone Cold Steve Austin' seems like an odd song title. But I betcha someone, somewhere has that as ‘their song'. I could only imagine someone's first dance as a married couple beginning with the sound of breaking glass.
#2
Chen Arbel almost had it this week, and see why:
Here's hoping for a streak... of 2 >_> Several routes to the target, so...
1. At Taboo Tuesday 2005, Gene Snitsky & Chris Masters were defeated by Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio Jr.
2. Rey Mysterio Jr. appeared in Ready To Rumble with Scott Caan.
3. Scott is the son of James Caan.
4. Caan was Sonny to Marlon Brando's Vito Corleone in The Godfather.
5. In 1955, Brando starred as Sky Masterson in Guys and Dolls.
Just to make it an even six...
6. The decision to cast the non-singing Brando in the lead role was hotly contested, mainly by his co-star, who had wanted the role for himself. That co-star: Frank Sinatra.
A second route would be:
1. Sinatra was the original Danny Ocean, played in the remake by George Clooney.
2. Clooney had the title role in Batman and Robin, in which a villain named Bane was played by the late Jeep Swenson.
3. In the old GWF, Swenson once feuded with Moadib, who was Mr. Enunciation himself, Ahmed Johnson.
4. At the memorable King of the Ring 1996, Ahmed beat Goldust to capture the Intercontinental title.
5. At Wrestlemania 22, Goldust appeared in a backstage segment as a part of a group of freaks, along with "Toe-lickin' Good" Gene Snitsky.
And finally, replacing Ahmed with three Classic superstars:
3. Swenson played two different guest parts on "Walker, Texas Ranger". Another man who made an appearance on the show is Hulk Hogan.
4. In 1983, Hogan beat the Iron Sheik, jump-starting the Hulkster phenomenon.
5. The Sheik, Lord of Humbling, rode a camel at an indy show. The two men who found the camel were CM Punk and one Colt Cabana (according to the Straight Shootin' interview with the two).
6. On April 3rd 2006, Colt Cabana and Brad James were defeated by Goldust and Gene Snitsky.
As for porn-tastic PPV/event names, I went over pre-2006 ROH names and was disappointed to see that only "Bitter Friends, Stiffer Enemies" came close.
Could you imagine having someone come up and tell you before the show starts, "hey guys...uh...could you go get me some Camels at the store....oh and a pack of smokes too". Man, Chen, you clearly forgot about the RoH shows: Trios Tournament, The Homecumming, Spunk: The Final Chapter, Enter the Dragon, and RoH Gold Shower.
#1.
Nick Gissona wins this week, even though he technically didn't fit inside the rules, but the man taught me an important lesson today: Ok.
1. Snitsky killed Kane's baby.
2. Kane crushed Shawn Micheals larnyx with a chair on Raw.
3. Shawn fought at Wrestlemania X, where Burt Reynolds made a guest appearance.
4. Burt Reynolds was in Cannonball Run 2 with Frank Sinatra.
Four steps...did it have to be six steps? Or is this cool?
Thanks,
Nick
That Lesson is that Frank Sinatra plus Burt Reynolds equals....GOLD. And $2.7 million at the Box Office. Congrats Nick, even though you were 2 degrees behind, you were still one step ahead this week. Do the math, that's like....-1. Any who, go ahead and pick your ONE participants in 6DO next week and I'll pick the other....or just bring back Mantaur...I miss him ever so much. Left Overs…
Wow, Randy Orton vs Jeff Hardy for the #1 contender to the IC title. I think the IC title also comes with a babysitter and a bottle of Xanax. I just hope Orton doesn't shit in the babysitter's bag and Jeff Hardy doesn't try to smoke the....bag full of shit.
Shad Gaspard, JTG and Cryme Time were all trademarked by the WWE. Well damn, why not make it Cryme Tyme instead? Y hear the hyp thyng to do now ys to stop usyng "I's" all together now.
Trish stratus retires, the WWE are going to have a hard time filling her boobs. I mean....
Vicki Guerrero is a heel now. Confirming that Ann Coulter is in fact writing for the WWE now.
Jimmy Wang Yang is now a red neck. He'll also be calling his new finisher the "Shanghai Noon". Yang's response to his gimmick being a retarded racist rehash of the old "cowboy" spiel is that Vince told him that he wanted to remake him as a ‘Redneck' but put a new "slant" on things.
Chris Jericho could not outlast Cheech, Carlton, Carolina from the City, Xena, and a now chubby gymnast on "Celebrity Duets". Jericho blames the fact that Cheech is secretly married to David Foster's daughter. Way to break Kayfabe Jericho.
Great khali needs double knee surgery, and there has been talk of bringing him back as a face. Word has it Khali injured himself after repeated slapping himself on the knee and laughing everytime he cashed Vince's paycheck after remember what he had done the week before to earn it.
Carlito is frustrated on raw and the fact that his push was stalled on raw. Sources say that the issues with his stalled pushed is that many in the creative writing staff didn't want him to take away too much focus from the rest of the Diva Search contestants until after he was announced as the winner.
RVD couldn't beat Hardcore Holly cleanly...plus Holly almost died and is a heel. Well it's Holly's own fault really. That roided up bastard thinks he's too good for death does he? Arrogant Bastard.
Rene Dupree thinks exercise bikes are XXXtreme...ly gay.
Lance Hoyt is set to return soon to TNA. Lance took sometime off to heel up from a few injuries. After he got his tattoo filled in above his panty line on his lower back he decided to go ahead and get that botox and that clit ring after all. You know how those things take forever to heal, right girlfriend?
After Bobby Roode has found his new manager, Austin Ari...I mean Starr will then go on to become the biggest free agent in TNA. His on going vignettes showcasing him looking for his own Manager/Valet will be hence forth known as the "Starr Search".
Did anyone find it difficult to finish masturbating during the "Back To School Paddle on a Pole Match" and just said, "Fuck it" and had to finish off right in the middle of the Hardy/Orton match? You know...just wondering.
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
Jimmy Wang Yang, only a valet away from greatness
Pimpin' In High Places
The pimpin' is back this week so check out some of my 411 brethren. Well, we're kinda ‘brothers' in the same way the Dudleyz are. Guess who "Big Dick" is:
Top Ten features is missing some Jules, but don't worry cuz' Cook is there to plug up the hole. Uh....yeah.
Meehan says Eddie died so that Angle could live. Which makes Eddie the random cop/navy guy/random Asian dude in the first 5 minutes of any Steven Segal film and Angle....Segal. Man...that doesn't work out for anyone.
Csonka drops his views into a jar of news, takes one big bite ...and the rest is history my friends.
Gamble talks about wrestling...or not. It all depends, that's what I love about the guy, his column is like a hooker in Thailand, you don't know whatcha gonna get till you got both hands on it.
Sully is a real trooper. I mean, each week he falls in love with a new young talent and each week they are snatched away from him before he has a chance to say good bye. Plus, I never got confirmation whether or not he's okay with me calling him Sully. But hey, that's why I'm the Kid Kash of 411.
O'Dog says bye to a bald headed legend. No, that is not a penis joke.
Sfor-clark-na has a Payload for you...just open up and say "aaaaah". Yes...that was a penis joke.
The Triple Threat celebrate their 17th Edition. Have those guys really been around that long? I'd love to see who the readers think is the best of the 3. write into TBT to cast your vote. The two voted off will suffer a fate similar to the Diva Search losers...immediate re-hiring.
JP/JT got some highlights...but they're hidden. Those tricky bastards. This is a totally unrelated note...but sometimes when I feel blue...I picture those guys typing their column dressed as Elton John and RuPaul and singing "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart". No...I don't know what's wrong with me.
Ari refuses to rename his weekly article after a more porny friendly title. So "My Column is On-Her" will never see the light of day. For those keeping score at home...that is like...7 dick jokes this column.
Sat and Raj go High and Low. Me? I prefer to get low....get low...get low get low get low.....to the windoooooooooooows to the walls....to the...*due to the overage of dick jokes, this balls joke will not be seen in it's entirety*
Weyer looks at racial tensions amongst the Asian and Black communities. Or at least that's what I got when I read between the lines.
Stu got hardcore last Saturday. The man's column is named after a thinly veiled reference to porn. How can you not love that? I mean, I bet even Jehovah's Witnesses have their version of porn. Which I'm sure they watch in theaters ever 12/25 when the rest of us poor fools are opening up our tube socks and Aqua Velva.
Y'all are lucky I even eked out a column this week. Shit is going crazy at work right now and I'm having to wake up at 5:45 am each morning to get to work. My usual wake up time at my old job was...eventually. Good thing my commute is only 0.4 miles now. Yep, a round trip from work and back costs ...$10. shit, I hate gas prices. Right now people aren't gettin' car jacked...they're gettin' gas jacked. "Break yourself Foo!! Give up the Petro and I won't cap you ass...uh...u gotta hose?" Besides that I got BoLA to get ready for, I just got Madden 07 so my girlfriend hasn't seen me in 10 days, and I just saw S.O.A.P. Oh man, was I the only one bustin' up when those muthafuckin' snakes on that muthafuckin' plane was biting people in the eye ball and shit? Oh and I'mma ruin one part for y'all. The one Asian dude on the plane...is a damn Kick Boxer. No, he doesn't karate chop any snakes or give them the 5 point palm exploding heart technique....he doesn't do any martial arts at all. They just felt the need to establish the ONE Asian dude on the plane as a martial artist. Wow, nice way to pigeon hole an entire race Hollywood. I guess that means that the poisonous snakes from Asian are the most dangerous...cuz' clearly they're the most calculating. Oh well, next week we do it all over again people.
