Forgotten Goodness 09.05.06: WWF/NFL Battle Royal

Posted by  on 09.05.2006

Pro wrestling vs. football players? How in the world can this be described as Goodness? One word: The Fridge.

Thanks to everyone who wrote after my Kurt Angle column last week. Whereas my other columns have generated at least some opposing viewpoints, you the readers were all in agreement with my sentiments on Kurt. I wasn't the only one who expressed it but the vast majority of wrestling fans, I feel, were having a hard time watch Kurt wrestle as his physical state so clearly deteriorated. We return with some Forgotten Goodness this week as we stay in 1986 with WrestleMania 2.

WWF/NFL Battle Royal
WrestleMania 2
April 7, 1986

Markout Memories: I discussed my appreciation for WrestleMania 2 when I reviewed the Bulldogs/Dream Team match a couple weeks back. So instead I'll tell you a story of my youth. I saw a clip of the finish of this battle royal when I was about four or five years old and I had nightmares about Andre the Giant. In my tiny little brain, Andre the Giant was about 11 feet tall and the sight of him manhandling his opponents frightened me. I think, in that era of professional wrestling, it's part of the reason Andre was such a perfect foil to Hulk Hogan for the following year's WrestleMania. As a friendly giant, he still had an edge of destruction to him and when he began to be a big angry giant under the tutelage of Bobby Heenan, well I believe I was not the only five year-old in the country scared poopless of him. Thank Goodness for Hulk Hogan for saving us…

The Build: WrestleMania 2, for the unenlightened, came from three different arenas and each had its own main event. In L.A., it was Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy in a cage for the title. In New York, it was Roddy Piper vs. Mr. T in a boxing match. Continuing with the celebrity theme this WrestleMania had, the Chicago main event was a battle royal with WWF wrestlers and a handful of former and current NFL players. Since its in Chicago, the main football star is William "Refrigerator" Perry as this show is just a couple months after the Super Bowl Shuffle Chicago Bears annihilated the Patriots to win the Super Bowl and the Fridge is a household name. And by household, I mean every household in the country. For him to be at a WWF show was a huge coup for the WWF and is not too different from Lawrence Taylor wrestling at WrestleMania XI. The difference here, and why this is actual Goodness, is that the battle royal hides the weaknesses of the football players and makes them seem competent. Not that LT was bad or anything, in fact he was quite decent in the ring, but he shouldn't have been headlining WrestleMania in a one-on-one match.

The Match: Crowd is wicked hot, popping for Mean Gene just explaining the rules of a battle royal. We got a bunch of celebrities here, the timekeeper is Clare Peller, aka the old lady who said "Where's The Beef?" There are two special referees - Dick Butkus, who gets a monster pop, and Ed "Too Tall" Jones, who gets booed. Give the crowd a break, he was a Dallas Cowboy. Yuck.

Here are the participants. The first is Chicago Bear Jimbo Covert. The crowd gave a quick Hogan pop when they thought it was going to be the Fridge but they still give him polite applause. Next up is Pedro Morales to apathy. Mr. USA Tony Atlas gets a good pop and is jacked out of his skull. "Strongest Man" Ted Arcidi gets nothing and looks like a steroid freak with a beer gut. Dallas Cowboys DE Harvey Martin is next…no love. Danny Spivey shows up looking like Hogan with yellow tights and golden hair. Hillbilly Jim gets some love. I like how they announce everyone like this. King Tonga, the future Haku, comes down looking about 18 years old. The Iron Sheik gets an awesome heel pop…a lot of hatred for him. He could have used an Iran flag though. Pittsburgh Steeler Ernie Holmes is way out of shape. The Killer B's, Jim Brunzell and B. Brian Blair get a nice midcard face pop. Big John Studd may be the #1 heel, as he ran his mouth off against football players. Bill Fralic is next, who I believe had a relationship with Missy Hyatt at one point, comes down looking ripped and looking like a star. He cut a wicked promo during the New York portion…he would have been a WWF main eventer. The Hart Foundation, in blue not pink tights, get a mild reaction. Russ Francis, a San Francisco 49er, gets a nice pop as Mean Gene announces that his dad was a pro wrestler. Bruno Sammartino gets a good nostalgia pop but he looks like Rey Mysterio in there with the steroid wrestlers. The Fridge, of course, gets a ridiculous Hogan pop. He goes to the top and jumps in the ring to another pop as Mean Gene sells it. Last but not least is Andre the Giant and he's wearing his Hogan-like getup. Hmm, I wonder if they were building to WrestleMania III already?

I don't know how I'm going to cover this but the bell rings and everyone goes at it with about six guys going after the Fridge. Not much usually happens in a battle royal but the crowd is jacked. Andre and Big John Studd are going at it. Fridge's teammate Colvert saves him to pop the crowd. Russ Francis is standing in the corner trying not to get killed. Wow, Fralic eliminated King Tonga and Colvert pretty quick. That is building towards that Falcons/Bears feud that drew all that money in late 1986. That's a joke.

Big John Studd and Fridge are going at it. Francis pulls a Shawn Michaels and goes over the top rope but not to the floor. Ernie Holmes gets tossed. Giant and Stuff are smacking the bejesus out of each other, remember they went at it at WrestleMania I. Bruno and the Iron Sheik have paired off. I SEE CRACK! Fridge's pants are falling down and his asscrack is very, very visible. Jumpin' Jim Brunzell gets tossed. Good pace to this battle royal, it doesn't feel like guys just punching each other. Holy crud, the Fridge eliminated Tony Atlas, wow. I did not see that coming. Andre is now wearing out Fralic as Bruno is going after a football player. Studd is whipping Fridge in the corner as the crowd gasps. Pedro Morales and Harvey Martin eliminate each other.

Andre, Studd and Fridge are having their own match and that's all the crowd is reacting to. For good reason…as Arcidi and his beer gut get tossed. Good riddance. Bret Hart is wrestling Francis as Spivey gets tossed. Man, the Iron Sheik tosses Brian Blair and Hillbilly Jim. Fridge and Neidhart are going at it as Fridge's gut flops around. Studd gets rid of Fralic and talks trash. Bruno flips out the Iron Sheik to another pop. Russ Francis is going after Andre! His dad must be a pro wrestler because he's an idiot. Andre headbutts him across the ring. The Hart Foundation have cornered the Fridge. Studd tosses tiny Bruno away like nothing.

Football tackle by Fridge on the Hart Foundation! The crowd is jumping up and down, hands in the air as he and Studd have a big staredown in the ring. Gorilla Monsoon is right on, this place IS going crazy. Fridge calls for a tackle and sends him into the corner. He tries another but Studd tosses him out. Well done but Fridge is remorseful and wants a handshake. This is like Hogan at the 1992 Royal Rumble. He eliminated Studd! Ernie Ladd on announcing can't believe Studd fell for that but the crowd loves it.

The Final Four is Andre the Giant, the Hart Foundation and Russ Francis. You kind of got the feeling Francis would last a while with a wrasslin' father. Andre, to no one's surprise, headbutts everybody. Bret tries attacking Andre and a double dropkick allows Andre to do his "tied up in the ropes" spot as the Foundation beats up on Francis and make short work of him. So it down to the Foundation vs. Andre as the crowd really starts to get behind Andre. Big shoulderblock from Anvil and the crowd is now chanting for Andre. Big pop for the comeback…Bret tries a charge and gets kicked in the face. Andre grabs Anvil by the beard…double noggin' knocker! Off the ropes, Anvil comes with a charge and gets kicked right out. Now it's up to Bret and he goes to the top rope because he's the man. Uh-oh…Andre's got him. He slams him from the ring onto to Anvil on the floor! Sweet move! Andre the Giant wins the Battle Royal at 9:06

The 411 - (**1/2) A lot of people don't rate battle royals but I give this one a couple of stars because it was entertaining. No, there weren't a lot of classic wrestling moves but when you have a crowd popping for nine minutes straight, you've done something right. The storyline with Big John Studd ripping the football players gave the crowd a clear heel to boo and it paid off for the mini-Fridge/Studd showdown that got them going. It also served the purpose of putting Andre over once again, especially for the newer fans that had arrived with Hogan, as an unstoppable giant and is just part of the build for WrestleMania III. And the final move, with Bret being tossed from the ring to the apron, was a neat spot for 1986 and the crowd appreciated it. As I've written before, matches not only have to be technical sound but have to entertain me and it helps when the live crowd is entertained. The live crowd made this match feel special and, for me, I've watched it a few times and I still like it. The Fridge/Studd showdown is a cool Forgotten Goodness moment.

Why It Has Vanished: Well WrestleMania 2 as a whole has been forgotten so this match has been too. I think, though, if you talk about celebrity involvement in wrestling this may be the best example of it. The football players were limited in what they did and were booked in a way that they never looked stupid. This wasn't Karl Malone and Dennis Rodman back in 1998 making fools of themselves. The football players looked good in there. Celebrity matches usually get forgotten because they're not very good and battle royals are forgotten because they're usually not as good as regular matches. Is this a **** match? Heck no. But it's the definition of sports entertainment and is really fun to watch, I promise. I said before to watch WrestleMania 2 if you haven't and this is just another reason why. Good stuff here.